


Glittering Youth

by Denrhea



Series: Glitters [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: All That Glitters is Not Gold, An AU of an AU, Bad Boyfriend Decisions, Domestic Violence, Eventual Smut, Finished!, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, He does get out!, I promise!, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, It just takes a while., Jealousy, Late teen Victor, M/M, Paranormal, Possessiveness, Protective Katsuki Yuuri, Rape/Non-con Elements, Romance, Spirits, There will be a Happy Ending!, They will get married, Trigger Warning Chapter 10 and Chapter 20 - Noncon/Rape, and well, because...the most dangerous time is when you try to get out!, family curse, reverse au, some violence, underaged drinking, underaged lusting, you remember Yuuri's first boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2019-02-11 06:41:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 60
Words: 213,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12929673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Denrhea/pseuds/Denrhea
Summary: In which Yuuri did find the courage to speak to Victor (An AU of the All that Glitters AU)…





	1. Can I be Him

**Author's Note:**

> Planned posting schedule is Wednesdays for this story. This is subject to change as other stories wrap up. I hope you enjoy this new addition to my stories.
> 
> Thank you, BlueSkates and Magrathea for editing this story. I know I promised to continue this back in June...and well, now it's December. Better late than never!

* * *

 

 

[Can I be Him](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QblxFP20oF0)

 

 

Yuuri watched as the silver hair wrapped around the lithe form, gracefully settling at his hips.  The youth on the screen lifted his eyes, startlingly blue and Yuuri gasped in realization that maybe he wasn’t ace.  “Phichit, can I go to jail for these thoughts?”

 

His roommate chuckled as he took a swig from the beer they had smuggled into their room, both were underage according to U.S. standards but they never would let such things stop them.  “He’s only a year younger than me.  I think he turns seventeen soon, in fact.”

 

Yuuri chewed on his lip thoughtfully.   _ Seventeen. _ _ I’ll be twenty-one at the end of November, though.   _ “Maybe we should be friends first,” he said under his breath.

 

_ Of course _ , Phichit thought, listening and giggled quietly.  “Perhaps.  I mean, there are  _ worse  _ foundations for a relationship.”

 

* * *

  
  


**Grand Prix Final - Goyang, S. Korea - December 11-13, 2008**

 

It wasn’t until the following year that Yuuri would receive the opportunity to try.  Victor was just shy of eighteen the first time they faced each other on the ice.  Yuuri spotted the nervous teen after the skate, watching as the boy’s gruff coach systematically critiqued the program delivery and elements as they walked down the hall towards him.  Victor stopped, his breath catching at the sight of Yuuri’s regard.  He blushed, and if Yuuri hadn’t been charmed before, he was now.  He stepped forward towards the youth who glanced hesitantly towards Yakov before falling away from his side.

 

“Hello,” Yuuri murmured fighting his own shyness and anxiety but needing to speak to this beautiful person.

 

“H-hi,” Victor stammered, his cheeks pink, shy uncertainty filtering through his actions as his fingers flitted around self-consciously before settling on his hair.

 

“I’m Yuuri Katsuki,” Yuuri introduced.

 

The other man nodded playing with the end of his ponytail.  “I-I know.  I’m Victor Nikiforov.”

 

“We hadn’t met as of yet, but I noticed your skating when you took the gold in the Junior Grand Prix Final then again at Junior Worlds,” Yuuri continued, uncertain if he was being too forward but pushing his anxiety back into the recesses of his mind.

 

The youth glanced down, studying his shoes.  “I am worried I’ve peaked.  I can’t seem to get anything right,” he admitted self-consciously.

 

Yuuri considered his words.  “You’ve grown in the last year and are probably still growing.”  Victor confirmed with a nod.  Yuuri smiled warmly.  “Don’t be discouraged.  I remember when I went through my growth spurt.  Every time I put on a pair of skates something felt off.  So…I danced.  Dancing before skating helped me to find my center of gravity once more…and it is more forgiving than the ice.”

 

“Oh, thank you!” Victor’s eyes looked up with gratitude.  “I didn’t know that.  I kept wondering why I couldn’t find my feet.”

 

“I’m surprised your coach hasn’t told you this,” Yuuri commented with a raised eyebrow.

 

Victor shrugged.  “He might have.  I’ve been…distracted lately.  Finishing up with high school and such.”

 

Yuuri smiled encouragingly.  “If you like, we can keep in touch.  Sometimes we are more comfortable talking to someone closer to our own age.”

 

Victor’s eyes widened.  “You don’t mind?”

 

“Not at all,” he answered handing his phone over, open to contacts screen.  Victor quickly filled in his information and handed it back to the other man.  Yuuri smiled as he spotted the bunny he placed next to his name.

 

“I’ve got to get back to my coach.  Thank you.”  The smile that touched the boy’s lips seemed to reach his eyes and lighten his steps.

 

“Of course.”  Yuuri watched him go then quickly typed an introductory text to the younger man.

 

**Yuuri/ I enjoyed talking to you.  Let’s climb up the podium together.**

 

Pressing send he watched Victor draw out his phone and glance back his direction, his eyes lit up with promise and a smile finding its place once more on the younger man’s lips.

 

_ Friendship _ .  It’s a start.

 

* * *

  
  
  


**Yuuri/ Happy 18** **th** **birthday!**

 

**Victor/ I can’t believe you remembered!**

 

**Yuuri/ I sent you a present.  I don’t think it had time to arrive.**

 

**Victor/ Really?!!!  I can’t wait!  Thank you!**

 

**Yuuri/ My pleasure!**

 

Yuuri stared at his phone with a smile as he walked to the rink.  It would be deserted.  Christmas Day in the states meant family and gifts and large meals.  He and Phichit would join their coach and a few other rink mates later but for now, he would skate while he thought about a boy across the ocean.

 

* * *

  
  


Two days later…

 

**Victor/ It came!  Did you make this card?**

 

**Yuuri/ Yes.  I have a few talents other than skating.  ;-)**

 

**Victor/ It’s beautiful!  So detailed.**

 

**Yuuri/ Thank you.**

 

**Victor/ It’s a bunny!  My mother, she always called me her bunny!  She always bought me bunnies for my birthday.**

 

**Victor/ I’m overwhelmed!  Thank you.**

 

**Yuuri/ I didn’t know that about your mother.  I just wanted to send you something and the bunny made me think of you because of how you entered your name.**

 

**Victor/ {Photo of Victor hugging the bunny}**

 

**Victor/ I love it!  So very thoughtful!**

 

**Yuuri/ You’re welcome.**

 

_ Friendship _ .  The picture reminded Yuuri that there was a lot of child left in the boy.   _ I have time. _

 

* * *

  
  


Over the next month…

 

**Victor/ I can’t seem to land my 4S this week.**

 

**Yuuri/ Don’t injure yourself.  Dance and work through your balance.  Do you have a harness?**

 

**Victor/ *pout* Yes.  Yakov has been pushing me to use it.**

 

**Yuuri/ Do it!  I still do when I’m trying to work through a new jump.**

 

**Victor/ Okay…I will.**

 

* * *

  
  


**Victor/ {Video of 4S on harness}**

 

* * *

  
  


**Yuuri/ {Video of 4Lo on harness}**

 

* * *

  
  


**Victor/  Wait!  You’re just working on your 4Lo?**

 

**Yuuri/ Jumps don’t come easy to me.**

 

**Victor/ I picked up my triples easily.  Yakov says I have the height for quads on most.  Just…balance.**

 

**Yuuri/ And without balance, you eat ice.**

 

**Victor/ Too many times.**

  
  


* * *

  
  


**Victor/ {Picture of Victor and Makkachin}**

 

**Victor/ Rest day.**

 

**Yuuri/ Wish I could say the same.  What are you doing today?**

 

**Victor/ Taking Makkachin on a long walk then playing in the park.**

 

**Yuuri/ Are you going with friends?**

 

**Victor/ No.  I don’t really have anyone I’m close to.**

 

**Yuuri/ I’m close to Phichit here.  He’s my new roommate.  Celestino thought I needed one because I don’t make friends easily.**

 

**Victor/ I had a couple of friends at school.  Most people find me overwhelming.**

 

**Yuuri/ How so?**

 

**Victor/ I’m high strung.  Too much energy.**

 

**Yuuri/ I’m shy.  And I have anxiety that really kicks in when I’m around new people.**

 

**Victor/ You talked to me.**

 

**Yuuri/ I almost didn’t.**

 

**Victor/ I’m glad that you did.**

 

**Yuuri/ Me, too.**


	2. Bird Set Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Euros. Victor and Yuuri talk back and forth about competitions and struggles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! A second post. I don't know if I can keep it up but here's a start!
> 
> Thanks, Magrathea and BluSkates for all of your work in helping me make this happen.

* * *

 

* * *

 

 

[ Bird Set Free ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CqNp-KXiAHo)

 

 

**European Competition, Helsinki, Finland - 1/20-25, 2009**

 

Victor received the keycard for his room from his coach.  The old man would be right across the hall, and he was surrounded with other Russian skaters.  Katya, her sister Mila, Georgi, Pyotr, Ivan, Dmitry, and Anya joined him in the elevator.  Mila came over to his side.  They were the youngest two and he was the youngest of the group competing that day.  

 

“I’m glad you’re here,” he murmured to Mila.

 

She squeezed his hand.  “You’ve got this!”

 

He shivered.  “At least...I think my growth has slowed down.  Yuuri’s advice about dancing helped a lot.”

 

“I’m sure that’s why Madame Lilia mentioned it more than once.”

 

Victor dropped his chin guiltily.   _ Leave it to Mila to call me on my shit _ .  Still, he slung his arm around her shoulder as they exited the elevator.  “What do you think of the new kid?”

 

“Which one?  The angry one or the shy one?”

 

“I think the angry one.  Blonde.  Green eyes.  Came over from the training camp.”

 

Mila frowned.  “I don’t know him that well.  He’s moving into Yakov and Lilia’s.”

 

“They’re together again, aren’t they?”

 

“Depends on which day of the week if you ask me.  And...I’m not sure at the moment.”

 

Victor unlocked his door and invited Mila to follow.  “I was going to rest and watch Netflix,” he stated.  “You are welcome to join me.”

 

“Let me clean up then I’ll come over.”

 

“Not a bad idea.  See you in half an hour?”

 

She nodded and disappeared.  Mila...it was good to have another friend, even if she was younger than him.  Of course, he was younger than Yuuri.   _ What is he doing at the moment? _

 

**Victor/ Hey!**

 

There was a delay before he received a response.

 

**Yuuri/ What’s up?**

 

**Victor/ Just settling into my room.  Mila is coming over to watch Netflix.**

 

**Yuuri/ Just finished dance.**

 

**{Photo of Yuuri all sweaty from dance}**

 

Victor gasped, a pink blush touching his cheeks.  He put his phone down in a hurry.  “Oh!  Wow!”

 

**Yuuri/ Are you still there?**

 

Victor stared at his phone for a minute then pulled out the bunny he brought with him for the trip.  Hugging it close, he snapped a shot and sent it before he second guessed the move.

 

**{Picture of Victor, his hair coming out of his braid holding onto the bunny Yuuri sent for his birthday}**

 

**Yuuri/ I know that guy!  Did you name him?**

 

Victor smiled shyly at the phone. 

 

**Victor/ Mr. Darcy.**

 

**Yuuri/ Pride and Prejudice?**

 

Victor’s eyes widened in surprise and pleasure.

 

**Victor/ Yes!  I love Austen.**

 

**Yuuri/ I’ve read Austen but I prefer fantasy.  So I’m more likely to get lost in Tolkien or Lewis.**

 

**Victor/ Harry Potter?**

 

**Yuuri/  :D  Yes, also HP.  I am reading Throne of Glass right now.**

 

**Victor/ Do you read a lot?**

 

**Yuuri/ When I can settle my thoughts.  Sometimes my anxiety is too loud.**

 

**Victor/ I get anxious, too.  I’m...not very good with people.  So I skate and read.  I was taken out of public school at sixteen.**

 

**Yuuri/ To train?**

 

**Victor/ That was part of it.  Also…**

 

Victor frowned, uncertain what to say when he was so used to keeping secrets.

 

**Victor/ You know I’m gay, right?**

 

**Yuuri/ I suspected.  I’m also gay.**

 

**Victor/ Well, here...they treat you bad.  I was being bullied.  My...boyfriend.  He was expelled.  When we were caught together, they put the blame on him because he was two years older.**

 

**Yuuri/…**

 

**Yuuri/ I’m sorry to hear that.**

 

**Yuuri/ Are you still together?**

 

**Victor/ No.  After he left school, he just sort of...disappeared.**

 

**Victor/ Then the bullying started and my coach took me out of the school.**

 

**Yuuri/ …**

 

**Yuuri/ I don’t know what to say.**

 

Victor frowned at his phone. _  Crap!  I said too much! _

 

**Yuuri/ Are you okay?**

 

Victor considered those words.  _  Am I? _

 

**Victor/ It’s just hard to be alone sometimes and I don’t know how to fix it.**

 

**Yuuri/ I understand.  I have Phichit now but not before.  I’ve made some friends but there are only a few I’m close to.**

 

**Victor/ I’m trying.  Mila is coming over tonight.  She’s Katya’s little sister.**

 

**Yuuri/ That’s a start.**

 

A knock sounded at the door.

 

**Victor/ She’s here.  Thanks for keeping me company while I waited.**

 

**Yuuri/ Any time.**

 

Victor smiled into the phone before setting it down.  _  Friends.  _  That’s all they are...Victor’s young heart couldn’t help but want more.

 

He opened the door to Mila in her pajamas and holding a teddy bear.  “I figured you’d have Darcy out,” she said with a shrug.  “So I brought Rochester.”

 

“You do know he was creepy and a bit abusive?”

 

“I like dark characters.  They’re romantic,” Mila responded drawing her shoulders in.

 

“I like...guys that are kind without reason.”

 

She smiled brightly.  “That’s the first time you’ve come out to me.  You know I’m okay with it, don’t you, Victor?”

 

“It’s just...hard.  You know how others can be.”

 

They stretched across the bed, the computer open and Netflix cued.  Mila spotted his line up and frowned.  “Not  _ Anna Karenina _ .  I can do classics, but not Tolstoy, Victor.”

 

Victor frowned thoughtfully.  “We could catch up on  _ Merlin _ ,” he suggested.

 

“Oh, yes...we can do that,” she agreed.

 

As Victor pulled it up, he mused aloud, “I bet Yuuri would like this series.”

 

Mila flicked her eyes his way.  “The new kid?”

 

Victor smiled.  Perhaps their names were similar.  He let her think that and watched the next episode where they left off.  He heard her talking about how hot Colin Morgan was in the series.  Victor’s thoughts drifted to a photo of another man, his hair damp from dance.  _  I wouldn’t mind seeing you dance.  Maybe even...dance with you. _

 

* * *

 

 

Victor’s short program was choreographed to  [ Ice Dance ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMfs1rlw4tc) from  _ Edward Scissorhands _ .  His costume was black, fading up his body to blue, accented by crystals that represented frost.  He romanced the ice as he swept through his program lost in the story of innocence and love, a secret smile touching his lips as he thought about a man far away and felt himself slip into a dream.  The dream version of Yuuri met him on the ice and teased him into a dance making him feel secure and forgetting the audience until he turned into his final pose arm raised over his head as the other wrapped around him like a ballet dancer in a music box.  

 

He blinked in surprise as he realized the audience’s response was for him.  After a dismal Grand Prix series, it appeared he was coming back.  Victor’s lips found a smile as he skated to his coach in excitement.  He received the Makkachin tissue box and water bottle once he put his guards on his skates.  Leaning in, he asked, “Did I do well?”

 

His coach leaned in and answered, “There is always room for improvement but...you did well.”

 

The score echoed that response with a personal best.  **91.28.**  Victor’s eyes widened as he bounced up and down.  His score pulled him to the top of the ranks.

 

“Now let’s hold it together for your firebird program,” Yakov stated quietly.

 

Victor nodded, taking his phone now that his scores were announced.

 

**Yuuri/ Congratulations!**

 

Others were sent but that was the one that mattered.  He ran his fingers across the words Yuuri sent his direction.

 

**Yuuri/ That was the Victor I saw in Juniors!  You seem to be coming through to the other side!**

 

**Victor/ It was your encouragement that got me there.  Thank you, Yuuri.**

 

**Yuuri/ I can’t wait to skate against you!  ;)  We will take that podium by storm!**

 

**Victor/ :D  Don’t jinx it!**

 

**Yuuri/ ;)  I believe in you!**

 

* * *

 

 

Victor danced his free skate to Stravinsky’s  [ Infernal Dance from the Firebird ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6PS7UVE2VE) beautiful in its urgency as Victor sored through the program’s demanding performance.  The elaborate and mesmerizing dance was accented by the fiery frills that trailed around him in the program as his feet pushed up into the air.  And that’s when the leg cramp hit as he landed hard on the ice.  He was shaken.  The muscle right above his landing leg quivered in response, nerve endings sizzling in the pressure.  Looking around as tears stung his eyes, he heard the crowd encouraging him on.   _ What would Yuuri do?  He’d get up and skate _ .  So Victor was back up, listening for music cues and shaking off the cramp.  He moved through the music, pushing himself knowing he’d drop down in ranks.  He tried not to focus on the scores, just the dance.  He was the firebird.  As he came to the close with his arms wrapped around him, he listened to the crowd.  They didn’t abandon him.  He skated to his coach and collapsed into his arms.

 

“It was a cramp.”

 

“Are you okay now?”

 

“Still a bit stiff, but...I’ll be okay.  What timing!”

 

“These things happen, Vitya.  Come, let’s listen for your scores.”

 

_ What’s he going to think? _

 

**154.3**

 

_ Fourth. _

 

**Victor/ I didn’t make podium.**

 

**Yuuri/ What happened?**

 

**Victor/ Leg cramp as I was coming down on the jump.**

 

**Yuuri/ You recovered well.  Don’t be discouraged.  The fact that you did that well with a leg cramp is amazing.**

 

**Victor/ Right now I just want to curl up with some chocolate and Makkachin.**

 

* * *

  
  


Victor skated to  [ Dance for Me Wallis ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxO1csWNKmg) for his exhibition, his costume black with a jacket of silvery gray set with crystals and a gossamer feel to it.  He imagined dancing, weaving in and out of his lover’s (Yuuri’s) arms, beautiful step sequences (wouldn’t they look beautiful with a partner?), and spins.  He was beautiful as he moved across the floor, breathtaking.   _ Would he like it? _

 

**Yuuri/ What a beautiful choice!**

 

**Victor/ I have been playing around with it but didn’t expect to be able to use it.**

 

**Yuuri/ It came off beautifully.  I haven’t seen that movie.**

 

**Victor/ *blush* Thank you.  We should watch it together!**

 

**Yuuri/ I’d like that.  Maybe during Worlds?**

 

Victor fought hard not to squeal. Grabbing hold of Mr. Darcy, he squeezed tight to contain his excitement.

 

**Victor/ Okay.  It’s a date!  {backspace}  Let’s do that!**

 

* * *

  
  


Victor picked up his mail including the latest newspaper.  Glancing at the headlines, he shook his head.  

 

_ The Darling of Russia Makes a Comeback _

 

“I didn’t even make podium,” he sighed under his breath.

 

When Victor walked through the door, he was thankful his dogsitter met him at the apartment.  He dropped to his knees and wrapped his arms around Makkachin.  “I’m so glad to see you.”  He buried himself into her fur.  After paying the sitter, he closed his door.  Moving through his apartment, he showered and crawled into the downy fluff of his bed then pulled a fuzzy blanket of lavender up to his chin.  Makkachin curled up next to him and he allowed the emotions to tumble out.  

 

As his breathing steadied, he murmured, “I’m going to get there.  Eventually.  I don’t know how long I’ll be chasing him, but I’m going to catch up to him.  Because...he’s holding his hand out to me.  It’s almost as if he’s inviting me to fly.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags have been updated...because I finally worked through my plot. I'll warn you before the noncon/rape scene. It's only one scene. And not for awhile.


	3. Learn to Fly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 4CC. Victor and Yuuri talk back and forth about competitions and struggles. Phichit and Yuuri. Helsinki, Finland - 1/20-24 for Euros; Vancouver, Canada - 2/4-7 for 4CC.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song linked at the beginning is not the same as the one Yuuri skates to...
> 
> That being said, thank you, BluSkates and Magrathea, for helping me to get this story off the ground. We all have a soft spot for our baby Victor. ;) 
> 
> Enjoy!

* * *

 

[ **Learn to Fly** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJMLLKgknvk)

 

 

**Four Continents Competition, Vancouver, Canada - 2/4-7, 2009**

 

Yuuri laced up his skates to prepare for his short program.  His phone sat next to him, and Victor had been spamming him with pictures of him and Makkachin.  He found himself smiling at his phone more than once.  He frowned when the Canadian JJ Leroy dropped on the bench next to him.  “Who’s this?  New girlfriend?”

 

Yuuri pulled his phone from JJ’s reach with a glare.  “This is the fourth place skater in the European Championship and a friend.   _ He  _ and I both share a love of dogs.”

 

JJ frowned clueless as to how he caused offense.  “I said something wrong, didn’t I?”

 

_ Maybe there was hope. _

 

“I mean he has long hair so I thought…”   _ Nope, hope was lost once more. _

 

Yuuri frowned.  “I try not to be quick to judge when I meet someone new.  There are so many cultural differences, as well as lifestyle differences.”

 

“Oh, I agree,” he backtracked.

 

“Watch him skate.  You should anyway, because he’s competition.”

 

“Not yet.  Not real competition.  I mean, I watch you skate and that kid Chris shows potential, and the old guard that hold the podium.”

 

Yuuri leveled a gaze as he took in the closed-mindedness.  “And that’s how you get blindsided by a dark horse.”

 

JJ furrowed his brow.  “I don’t understand.  You said he was fourth.”

 

Yuuri smiled but could feel the sarcasm in his expression.  “So I did.  Good luck with your skate, JJ.”

 

_ He’s young, _ Yuuri tried to remind himself as he walked away. _  Phichit’s age.  Lack of experience.  _  He spotted his coach and handed his phone over to him.

 

“Where’s your head space this morning, Yuuri?”  Celestino studied him for signs of anxiety.

 

Yuuri shrugged.   _ Annoyed at the Canadian more than anything. _  He said instead, “My friend has been spamming me with poodle shots.  How can I be anxious when I’ve spent the morning looking at dogs?”

 

His coach chuckled.  “If I knew that was all it took, I would have introduced you to a friend that volunteers at a dog rescue.”

 

“I’m mildly irritated is all,” he conceded as he glared at JJ, “and in the mood to kick a little ass.”

 

“That’s what I like to hear!  Let’s do it!”  Celestino grinned.  These were the good days for Yuuri.  His confidence outweighed his anxiety, and he usually blew the competition away on these types of days.  Celestino clapped Yuuri on the back and accepted his guards as the skater prepared to step out on the ice for the warm up.

 

That confidence didn’t falter on the ice.  It wasn’t that Yuuri shut out his anxiety.  He was too mad for his friend’s sake to let self-doubt enter his thoughts.  He would use the ice to put the arrogant Canadian in his place.

 

He drew last skate, so he took his phone as he left the ice and texted Victor.

 

**Yuuri/ I hate last skate.**

 

**Yuuri/ Almost as much as first.**

 

**Victor/ Last skate is good, you know what everyone has scored and can make last minute adjustments.**

 

**Yuuri/ I know there is logic in those words.  My anxiety doesn’t speak that language.**

 

**Victor/ Then you need more Makkachin pictures.**

 

**Yuuri/  Yeeeess!**

 

Victor immediately replied with another picture...and Yuuri almost missed the dog because Victor was now lying back in his bed with his braided hair slightly mussed, his pajama top riding up to reveal a sliver of his tummy and just a hint of belly button and somewhere in the midst of all of that was a poodle, tongue hanging out, toy under paw.  Yuuri suspected the two had been playing.  Did he know how...compelling his picture was?  He tucked his phone away not wanting anyone else to enjoy the priviledge of this sight.   _ Damn, Victor! _

 

Phichit came to his side.  “You’re flushed.  What’s up?”

 

“Umm...you know.  Anxiety,” Yuuri lied.  It’s the first time he used anxiety as a cover story.  Normally he was lying to cover up for his anxiety.  He frowned.  He could feel Phichit’s gaze studying him.  It was hard to lie to Phichit.  He took out his phone and opened up his chat.  “Be discrete,” he warned then handed it over.

 

Phichit’s eyes widened.  “Oh, shit!  I wonder if he realizes how...provocative this shot is.”

 

“I’m...not sure.  I don’t think so, however.”

 

“No wonder you look so bothered.”  Phichit handed over the phone, his eyes glittering with laughter.  “He’s certainly pretty to look at.”

 

“I know…”  And Yuuri knew his expression hid nothing...not from Phichit’s discerning eyes.  The chortle that followed confirmed that suspicion.

 

“You’ve got it bad!”

 

“He’s still in high school!”

 

“He’s eighteen,” Phichit argued.

 

Yuuri frowned in dissatisfaction.  “No.  I will wait.  We’ve got time.”

 

Phichit laughed, his arm going around Yuuri’s shoulder and leaning in.  “You’re a good man.”

 

“Thanks...I think.”

 

* * *

  
  


Yuuri considered his theme of “dreams” for this year while he waited.  He was always quick to act on the behalf of others and slow to act for his own benefit.  But he used his theme this year as a catalyst and grabbed hold of the opportunity to speak to Victor.  Yes, it was embarrassing.  But it proved to be potentially one of his best moves.

 

When he shared with Victor about his anxiety the previous day, the young man went on a campaign to distract him from the destructive voices in his head.  As a result, his phone was now full of images of Victor being silly, Makkachin playing, and Victor with Makkachin.  These were acts of friendship, though Yuuri couldn’t help but dream of more.

 

_ Do you dream of me? _  This question rang through his thoughts as he took his position on the ice for his short program.  As the jazz beat of  [ Dream a Little Dream of Me ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NCtDp3E_5I) filled the stadium, all Yuuri could think was to invite the dream.  He enticed Victor’s attention with the loose sway of his hips.  He teased with the stretch of his hand.  He enthralled with his step sequences.  He provoked with his jumps and spins.  And the skate program that began as playful when he introduced took on an entirely different attitude as he flirted with Victor through the video cameras.

 

* * *

  
  


Victor’s eyes widened as he watched the skater across the ocean dance across the screen.  He suddenly needed a drink of water.  “Makkachin, what am I going to do?”

 

The poodle was no help.  She simply watched him curiously.  Victor’s arms wrapped around his slender frame.  “He’s beautiful...and so out of reach!”  Except, he wasn’t.  Victor picked up his phone and sent a text.

 

**Victor/ Wow! You changed it!**

 

**Yuuri/ Not the elements, just the interpretation.  Did you like it?**

 

Victor blushed as he fought the overwhelming emotion.  “My crush wants to know if I liked his program, Makka!”  He excitedly typed his reply.

 

**Victor/  Of course!  It was so much...more!**

  
  
  


Yuuri read the response with a soft smile before he was distracted by his score.

 

**98.6**

 

His eyes widened.  The announcer soon confirmed his realization.

 

“And Katsuki Yuuri just broke the world record for short program and now holds the first place position going into the free skate.  We can’t wait to see what he brings to the ice tomorrow!”

 

“Coach?”

 

“I saw it...I heard.  How are you doing?”

 

“I’m not sure.  I think...I’m going to be sick.”  He could feel his anxiety rising up like a tide.

 

Celestino pushed his phone back into his hand.  “Remember.  Puppies!”

 

That jarred him with surprise.   _ Puppies...poodles...Victor.  Oh, shit!  Victor!  What is he thinking? _

 

Yuuri didn’t have to wait long to find out.  His phone vibrated as the next message came through.

 

**Victor/ I’m so proud of you!**

 

**{Photo of Victor and Makkachin, Victor with a thumbs up}**

 

**Victor/ Of course, you probably knew already…**

 

**Victor/ Oh, I shouldn’t have said anything…**

 

**Victor/ Yuuri?**

 

That seemed to shake Yuuri out of his shock.

 

**Yuuri/ I’m...struggling.  I don’t do well with so much pressure.**

 

Yuuri stared at the message and considered whether he was oversharing but then figured  _ what the hell  _ and pressed send.

 

**Victor/ Even if you falter in your free, you have that record!  It’s yours!  Don’t let your anxiety cloud that thought.**

 

Yuuri smiled.  That’s right.  The record won’t disappear even if he failed tomorrow.  He still will have that win.  And like that, his thoughts started to clear.

 

**Yuuri/  Thank you.  I needed that.**

 

* * *

  
  


Yuuri waited for his free skate performance as he considered how the program came to be.  He lost a bet to Phichit...never bet with a Thai.  The stakes were that the winner got to choose one song for the loser to skate.

 

He stared at the chat log of the conversation in shock.  The running joke among his friends was that he was Peter Pan gathering lost boys and saving them.  He always reached out to those in need.  That went without saying.  He could even put his personal feelings aside if someone needed help.

 

But this song.

 

He knew Takeshi and Phichit put their heads together to pick it.  He suspected Yuuko put her input.  The entire conversation took place before he arrived and by the time he logged into the Neverland Chatroom, all he could see was the result:   [ _ Learning to Fly _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jr1U4qgIFI) from Peter Pan.

 

Yuuri always honored his bets no matter how uncomfortable they made him.  His grandfather would be disappointed in him otherwise.  And the song fit his theme for  _ dreams _ .

 

He moved into position for the start of his program.  The trill at the beginning set him into motion.  He flitted across the ice in a step sequence that teased the audience and drew him into his story.  He was Peter Pan flying high over the dark streets of London, looking for the mischief that lived in himself.  As the music exploded he kicked in for his first jump combination, a triple lutz, double toe.  His landing position tightened into a backspin, pulling the free leg out to glide as the music slowed to a teasing, playful tone.  He was leading Wendy Darling on her first furtive steps of flight.  His hand reaching out offering an adventure if she’d just trust him.  A sprinkle of pixie dust, a wish and a dream, and they were flying.  It was a dream and a chance.  And one day he wondered what it would be like to dance this program with another.

 

The applause resounded throughout the rink as he came to his closing movement, a spin leading to a look of innocence, his eyes open with promise.  Yuuri watched the shower of tossies rain down on the ice, bending down to pick up a rose and bringing it up to his nose to smell it.  He also grabbed hold of a green hat symbolic of Peter Pan, perched it on his head as he skated around the rink.  Then, removing the hat, he bowed with a flourish before exiting the ice.

 

His coach laughed as he came off.  “A bit dramatic today,” he commented warmly.

 

“Somedays the performance demands it,” he answered, the hat back on his head as he took his place on the bench to await his scores.

 

He had his phone in hand but was too nervous to look.  He did the math already and he needed over 150 to take gold.  He should have that but he wasn’t sure.  The landing of the triple axel was wobbly but the choreography was demanding.  Victor distracted him with puppies all throughout the previous day as well as videos taken of practice outtakes.  He smiled, remembering the image of Viktor’s wizened coach yelling in the background and the titan-haired girl’s giggles.  He later learned the laugh belonged to Mila, a picture of the two skaters leaning in together with Victory symbols sending him good luck before he skated.

 

**165.2**

 

His mouth opened, tears breaking loose as he covered his face.  It didn’t break another world record but...he was clearly in first.

 

“Katsuki Yuuri takes the gold!”

 

Yuuri walked through the medal ceremony in a daze.  He is equally dazed during the interviews following.  It wasn’t until he was in the privacy of his room, that he pulled out his phone.

 

The notifications were overwhelming.  He skimmed past family and friends and focused on one.

 

**Victor/  Your program is beautiful!**

 

**Victor/  Is that a Peter Pan hat?**

 

**Victor/  Oh, the song is from Peter Pan.  Mila just informed me.**

 

**Victor/  Oh! My! God!  You won, Yuuri!  Congratulations!**

 

**Victor/  I knew you could do it!**

 

**Victor/  Makkachin says congratulations, too!**

 

**{Picture of Makkachin with Victor holding up his hand and poodle giving him a high five.}**

 

**Victor/  Makkachin is so smart!**

 

**Victor/ Mila says congratulations, too.  She’s upset I didn’t share hers first.**

 

**{Picture of Mila with a pouty face}**

 

**Victor/ She came over and we had a little viewing party.**

 

**Victor/ Mila says good night.**

 

**{Picture of Mila waving}**

 

**Victor/ I know you’re busy.  But I’m really happy for you.  I can’t wait for Worlds!**

 

**Yuuri/ Thank you.  I was overwhelmed more than anything.  I think my coach led me from one thing to the next.  I don’t even know what I said during the interviews.  Hopefully nothing too embarrassing.**

 

**Victor/ Nothing that I could see.  I thought the interviews were a success.  I noticed you were not yourself but I figured you were overwhelmed.**

 

**Yuuri/ I hate this part of anxiety.  It’s like I can’t enjoy the win.**

 

**Yuuri/ I’m sure you are getting tired of me talking about my anxiety.**

 

**Yuuri/ Okay.  I’ll stop now.**

 

**Victor/ No.  It’s a part of you.  I wouldn’t be a good friend(?) if I didn’t accept all of you.**

 

Yuuri stared at that question mark.   _ Friend? _  He wanted so much more but...if he was honest that was where they were at.

 

**Yuuri/ I wouldn’t be so open if I didn’t see you as a friend.**

 

**{Picture of smiling Victor hugging Mr. Darcy, cheek tilted against his head}**

 

**Yuuri/ Thanks.  I needed that.**

 

**{Picture of Yuuri smiling tiredly holding up gold medal}**

 

**Yuuri/ Your distraction helped me get here.  Thank you.**

 

**Victor/ I can be your annoying friend anytime you need me to be.**

 

Yuuri laughed at that.

 

**Yuuri/ The best kind of annoying.**

 

He curled up with his phone, exhaustion overtaking him.  He’d reply to the rest tomorrow.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. If you haven't read "All that Glitters is Not Gold", that song gives the original reality of this story. As I said, it's an AU of an AU...because I love the idea of alternate realities occurring when we flip a decision.
> 
> Also, I've grouped in BluSkates story that she gifted to this segment. After reading it, it sort of became my back story in Glitters. I love bookish, shy Victor.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Worlds. Yuuri meets Victor again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your support! And thanks so much to both BluSkates and Magrathea who are such good friends and editors. I love working with you both so much!

* * *

 

 

**World Figure Skating Championships, Los Angeles, CA - 3/24-28/09**

  
  


Yuuri waved as soon as he spotted Victor checking in. Victor leaned in toward his coach and said something. Yuuri assumed it was probably about him given all of the motions in his direction.  He turned his attention to Phichit, arguing whether they would stay in or go out.

 

“I’m just saying, Hollywood, Yuuri!”

 

“Please do not go into the  _ Pretty Woman _ ‘What’s Your Dream’ speech,” Yuuri begged with an eyeroll.

 

“Everybody’s got a dream…”

 

Yuuri gave him a playful shove just before Victor came over, his eyes wide.   Turning his attention to more pleasant matters, he asked, “How was your trip?”

 

“Long.” Yuuri could hear how tired the younger man was.  “Coach wants me to go up to my room and rest.”

 

“So does our coach, but Phichit isn’t very cooperative.”

 

Victor looked from one to the other before he suggested tentatively, “You could both come up to my room and we could watch a movie.”

 

“ _ King and Skater _ ?” Phichit hurried to suggest.

 

“No!” Yuuri stated firmly.  Then turned to Victor who looked to be wavering, shaking his head and mouthed, “You don’t want to do this.”

 

“ _ Milk _ is blocked in Russia.  I thought I’d see it while I’m here.  Also, I thought about watching  _ Secret Life of Bees _ .”

 

“ _ Beverly Hills Chihuahua _ is out,” Phichit offered.

 

Victor tapped his upper lip thoughtfully and Yuuri really hoped he wasn’t seriously considering it. He breathed easily when Victor said, “I think you and I have very different tastes in movies.  If you want something with action, I saw  _ Quantum of Solace _ just released and there is the latest from the  _ Bourne  _ series.”

 

“I’m sure we can find a good movie,” Yuuri said.

 

“Good.  Let me get cleaned up first, though.  I hate smelling like the plane.”

 

* * *

* * *

  
  
  


After the movie, Yuuri and Phichit returned to their room.  Yuuri had grown tired ignoring the look Phichit kept giving him.  “What?” Yuuri demanded.

 

“You could cut that sexual tension with a knife.”

 

Yuuri’s cheeks blazed but his lips protested, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  The whole evening had been a fight to keep his hands to himself.  He’d never felt so much temptation.  Victor’s hair grazing against his skin, a casual brush of Victor’s fingers, Victor’s musical laugh.  They didn’t pay attention to the movie.  Instead, Phichit told tall tales of sharing the rink with Yuuri, which demanded retaliation.  All in all, though, it seemed to settle Victor’s nerves and relax him.  Yuuri left a sleepy Victor hugging Mr. Darcy.  Yuuri was never jealous of a stuffed rabbit before.

 

“I think you’re exaggerating,” Yuuri continued.

 

“I think you’re in denial.  He’s really into you,” Phichit stated.

 

Yuuri sighed.  “I need to wait a little longer.  He’s young.”

 

“He’s eighteen.  I was seventeen when I came to the states to attend university and skate with Ciao Ciao.”

 

Yuuri frowned.  Phichit was right.  And at nineteen, Phichit was his best friend.  “So you think I’m being overly cautious?”

 

“Maybe a little.  Pay attention to Victor’s actions.  He speaks through touch and movement.  Those accidental brushes were not as accidental as they appeared.  He was testing the waters, but he is into you.”

 

Yuuri curled up into his bed hugging a pillow, considering Phichit’s words and the evening with Victor.

 

* * *

  
  
  


The next day, they met up for lunch after practice.  Yakov pulled Yuuri aside after observing the two interact.  “I’m not sure what you are about, Katsuki.”

 

“Sir?”  Yuuri’s eyes widened in surprise.

 

Yakov frowned as he studied the young man.  “I know Celestino. He’s a good man, and you seem a good boy.  But Vitya is still very young.  Still in high school.  I want you to remember that.”

 

Yuuri gasped.  “Yes, sir.  Of course, sir.  I just…we’ll be with friends, sir.”

 

“Very well, then.  Mind his curfew.  He needs to be in his room by ten the nights before he skates and midnight on the others.  We have ten o’clock ice for practice days and I won’t have him tired out.”

 

“Yes, sir.  Don’t worry.  I’ll make sure we are back in time.”

 

Victor was hiding when Yuuri wrapped a friendly arm around his shoulders.  “I can’t believe he did that.”

 

“He has to be the parent.  Especially when yours are so far away.”  Victor blinked rapidly at the quick onset of tears.  Yuuri looked alarmed.  “What did I say?”

 

The Russian swallowed down the lump in his throat before answering.  “It’s just…Yakov is my guardian.  My mother passed away when I was fourteen.  I never knew my father.”

 

“Oh, I’m sorry.  I…I didn’t know.”  He hauled Victor into his embrace and felt the younger man bury his face into his shoulder.  “Well, this was a rocky start.  I wanted to take you out and make you smile.”

 

Victor drew back and offered a weak smile.  “It’s okay.  I seem to be up and down.  What…do you have in mind?”

 

“Well, we’re in LA.  Phichit and I wanted to do some sightseeing.  Do you want to see Hollywood?  There’s a tour bus picking up at three.”

 

“Will we be back by ten?”

 

Yuuri pulled out the brochure.  “It says eight.  We could do a late dinner...or even room service.”

 

“Good.  We skate tomorrow and I’m nervous.”  

 

Yuuri reached out and grabbed hold of his hand giving it a reassuring squeeze.  He noticed the younger man leaned into his touch, but not just his.  Phichit’s casual arm around the shoulder also drew the silver head in.  Now that he knew that Victor was orphaned, he realized the younger man was likely touch-starved.  

 

They loaded up on the bus and Phichit excitedly asked the pair, “What’s your dream?”

 

“Phichit!” Yuuri admonished impatiently.

 

Victor looked at him quizzically.  “I don’t understand.”

 

“From  _ Pretty Woman _ .”  Phichit studied him and registered the lack of understanding.  “It’s a modern day Cinderella story.  Sort of.  With prostitutes.”

 

Victor looked towards Yuuri for his opinion.  The Japanese skater shrugged.  “It’s an eighties classic.  Not a totally unredeemable option.  It has Julia Roberts.”

 

Victor frowned touching his lip thoughtfully.  Yuuri smiled at this tell.  “I  _ might  _ give it a try.”  Yuuri smirked at the doubt in his voice and the dubious look he cast in Phichit’s direction.

 

Yuuri guided Victor into a seat next to the window and took the seat next to him protectively.  Phichit took the seat in front but was up on his knees to look back and talk to the other two.  The tour guide used the speaker system to call out the sights, stopping at several allowing people to get off to see them closer.  As it drew close to eight, though, Victor was weaving in his seat and eventually dropped his head on Yuuri’s shoulder.  The other man held onto him, his fingers tenderly running up and down his side.  Phichit’s eyes sparkled at the view.

 

Yuuri mouthed, “Be good.”

 

Phichit mouthed back, “Who me?” eyes wide in mock innocence.

 

Yuuri gave him a knowing look.  “No social media,” he returned voiceless.

 

Phichit winked but Yuuri knew he’d comply.  The Thai man turned into his seat and Yuuri figured he was recalling a post.  Yuuri sighed.   _ Phichit! _

 

As the bus arrived at the hotel, Yuuri gave Victor a gentle nudge.  Victor frowned as he woke up and looked around, disoriented.  Then color rose up in his cheeks as he realized that he not only fell asleep but fell asleep leaning on Yuuri.

 

“I’m so sorry!” he exclaimed.

 

Yuuri chuckled.  “It’s okay.  Really.”  He stepped out into the aisle and then stood back to admit Victor.  “Let’s get you to your room and order some food.”

 

Victor invited Phichit to join them and the three of them trekked up to Victor’s room.  As they walked down the hall, Yuuri spotted a redhead leaning against the facing of an open door blowing a bubble with her gum.

 

“Are you trying to blend in?” he teased.

 

“Yep.  Don’t I look American?” she tossed back.  “So you’re Yuuri.”  She looked him up and down.

 

“Yes.  And this is my friend and roommate Phichit.”  At the introduction of the third party, Mila grew more interested.  He could tell her that his friend was asexual, but he figured that was Phichit’s choice.

 

“So what are you boys up to?”

 

“Mila?” a warning voice came from the bedroom.

 

“It’s just Victor and his friends, Katya,” she called back.

 

There was a rustle and an older version of Mila came through the door, her hair more auburn than red.  She cast a protective gaze over the two interlopers.  “Where have you been?”

 

“We took a tour bus,” Victor supplied.  “Yakov knew I was with them.”

 

She pursed her lips but nodded sharply.  “I’m Katya and this little twerp is my baby sister Mila.”

 

“It’s nice to meet you,” Yuuri offered his hand, and was relieved when she gave a firm but warm shake.  “I’m Yuuri and this is my friend Phichit.”

 

“So what are your plans tonight?” she asked.

 

Yuuri smiled and shrugged.  “We’re going to order up room service and watch a movie before going to bed.  Skating tomorrow.”

 

“What movie?” Mila cut in.

 

“ _ Pretty Woman _ ,” Victor answered without thinking then thinned his lips.  Phichit grinned and Yuuri rolled his eyes.

 

“Can I go watch a movie with Victor?” Mila begged.

 

“Not tonight, Milotchka,” her sister said.  She held Yuuri’s eyes and he felt the warning in that gaze.

 

* * *

  
  


“She rescues him right back,” Julia Roberts was saying as Victor sighed.  The room was dark, and Phichit stretched across the foot of the bed.  Victor had slowly collapsed into Yuuri, and he felt those gentle fingers carding through his hair.  He’d have to braid it before he fell asleep, but it was nice to feel those fingers.   _ No one touches me, and I thought that was okay...but now that I have it, I want it,  _ he thought to himself.  _  Does he like me?  _  It seemed like it, but Yuuri was pretty friendly with Phichit, so Victor couldn’t tell.  

 

Victor remembered when Yuuri said he was only close to a very few.  He squeezed in his shoulders and felt that gaze shift over him, fingers dancing down his arm.  _  I know I’m privileged to know this part of him.  One day, I hope to know more.  Not now.  For now, this is enough. _

 

As the movie closed, Phichit stretched and stood up.  “I’ll help clean up, then we should let you rest,” the Thai man offered.  The two of them efficiently moved about the room, setting it back in order.  Victor could get used to that kind of service.  And then they both hugged him good night before leaving him alone.  Gathering Mr. Darcy into his arms, he sighed.  “I don’t know if I’m in love, Mr. Darcy.  But I’m definitely in like.”

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


The next three days were busy, forcing the skaters to rest in between events.  They watched other skates, skated their short and free, and Yuuri took gold claiming the World Championship throne for the next generation.  The previous champion now stood on silver and another newcomer, Christophe Giacometti took the bronze.  Victor held fifth with Phichit in seventh.

 

After the exhibition, the two friends converged on Victor at the banquet.  They had already taken care of their obligations.  The bronze medalist seemed to be having boyfriend issues, his partner making a scene then stomping out.  Chris looked embarrassed but he forced a smile and lifted a glass to Yuuri as they made eye contact.  Yuuri returned the motion.  Victor drank something pink and sparkling.  When Yuuri asked him about it, he frowned for a moment thinking.  “It was called something with an I.  Iz?  Izzi?”

 

“Izze.  I like it.  It’s a sparkling juice beverage.  Have you gained any sponsors tonight?” Phichit asked.

 

Victor nodded.  “And there are several modeling contracts.  One with Channel and another with a hair care line.  I just have to promise not to cut my hair.”  Victor rolled his eyes.  “I can’t imagine cutting my hair.”

 

“I...can’t either,” Yuuri whispered.

 

Victor set his glass down and grabbed hold of Yuuri’s hand.  “Do you dance?  I get so bored at these things.  Let’s dance.”  

 

Yuuri allowed himself to be dragged out on the dance floor and soon the techno beat threw them together as they worked the music.  Yuuri felt himself enraptured by the younger man who demanded his gaze, refusing to allow him to look away.  Yuuri was drowning and he felt the heat rise up in him.  

 

However, one thing he learned about Victor in the last few days was that the younger man was not a night owl.  As the music slowed, Victor rested his head on Yuuri’s shoulder.  Yuuri brushed a gentle kiss against that forehead even as he smoothed Victor’s hair now in a ponytail.  “I need to sleep,” Victor mumbled.

 

“Why don’t I walk you back to your room?” Yuuri offered.  Victor nodded breaking away.  He caught Yuuri’s hand and the older man led him from the room and out the door.  In the elevator, Victor leaned against the wall, his shoulder dropping against Yuuri’s shoulder.  The elevator pulled to a stop and Yuuri gently shook Victor awake.

 

“I’m not good with late nights,” the younger man murmured as Yuuri guided him down the hall.  Taking Victor’s keycard, he opened the door and guided the younger man inside.  “Thank you, Yuuri, for taking care of me tonight.  It was much better with you there.”  He dropped down on his bed and pulled his legs up into a pretzel.  He dragged the bunny into his lap.  Hair disheveled, eyes weary, all Yuuri wanted to do was pull him into his arms and hold him as he fell asleep.  And what scared him was that he thought Victor would let him.   _ Too soon _ .

 

“Get some sleep, Victor,” he stated gently.

 

“Vitya.  Call me Vitya,” he demanded with sleepy petulance.

 

Yuuri raised an eyebrow but nodded.  “Good night...Vitya.”

 

He watched Victor’s smile spread from his lips to his eyes as he squeezed the bunny tightly.  “Good night, Yuuri.”  As Yuuri reached for the doorknob, Victor called out as an afterthought, “Tell Phichit I said good night.”

 

Yuuri glanced back and smiled.  “I will.  Sleep tight.”  Then he was out in the hall, the door closed, locked.  And he pulled in a deep breath.  Glancing back, he realized he almost didn’t leave.  He almost hauled the young man into his arms and settled in next to him for the night.  That wouldn’t be good.  Yakov wasn’t the only Russian that gave him the shovel talk.  Katya gave him pointed stares.  Dmitry, Ivan, and Pyotr cornered him and tag-teamed their way through shovel talks.  Georgi, though, came up beside him and said quietly, “I know you are a good man.  You looked after me when I was going through my breakup with Nikita.  He’s innocent.  Sweet.  Let him keep that way as long as possible.”  Victor may not realize it, but he has a lot of people looking out for him.  Yuuri smiled.  That made him feel better.  He hated thinking of Victor as all alone in the world.

 

Pushing away from the door, he walked directly towards the elevator.  He still felt flushed and in the need of air.  So he punched in the rooftop.  Exiting the elevator, he became very aware that he wasn’t alone.  Blond curls caught the moonlight next to the rooftop guardrail.  And Yuuri shivered from something other than the cold.

 

He approached Chris cautiously.  “I see I’m not the only one that needed to escape the party.”

 

Chris started and turned to face him.  Yuuri could see the signs of tears.  Frowning, he took a step closer.  “Rough night?”

 

Chris turned to gaze longingly over the rail before sliding down to sit on the rooftop.  “He left me, you know.  At the banquet.  I faked it as long as I could.  He...always leaves me.”

 

Yuuri dropped down next to him and reached into his pocket to pull out a flask.  “Drink to settle your thoughts?”

 

Chris nodded taking the container from Yuuri’s hand taking a quick swig before handing it back.  “He said he wished I never existed.  Part of me is tempted to make that a reality.”

 

Yuuri’s jaw tightened, angry that anyone would place that on someone.  “I am glad you exist.  You gave me some strong competition over the last few days.  I want to have many other opportunities to skate with you.”

 

“You probably think it’s stupid to want to die just because some guy decided you aren’t good enough.  But I was committed to him and I thought he was to me.”

 

Yuuri dug through his many hours volunteering at the crisis center on campus.  “I...want you to see yourself through other eyes.  Eyes that value your worth.  I have no respect for someone that constantly tears someone down.”

 

Chris took the flask back and swallowed another drink.  “He was never...violent.  He didn’t have to be.  I...did whatever he wanted, turning myself into whatever tortured soul he desired.  Ropes...he loved ropes, tying me up, watching the weave of the ties leaving indents into my skin.  He’d leave me like that for hours.  Sometimes...he’d completely leave and come back.  I was under his power.”

 

Yuuri studied his hands, uncertain how to proceed.  He didn’t have the language, not really, and he didn’t want to offend his new friend.  “Have you always...been...”  His words trailed off uncertainly.

 

Chris’ lips twitched.  “Submissive?  Yes.  I had a girlfriend once that liked to put a collar on me.  She...never left me though.  I don’t like to be left alone.  Especially when I’m...in that state.”

 

Yuuri had little experience with this, but he could understand what the other man seemed to be saying.  And he knew abuse of power.  “It seems to me...that he forfeited the privilege to dominate you the first time he broke your trust and left you.”

 

Chris turned hazel green eyes to Yuuri in surprise.  “I kept...going back.”

 

Yuuri tilted his head thoughtfully propping his elbow on his knees and his chin on his fist.  “He made you dependent on him...that’s not good.”

 

“I...isn’t that what it is to be submissive?  To be dependent on your dom?”

 

Yuuri shook his head slowly as he processed the words.  “Interdependence, maybe.  Not codependence.  It seems like the beauty of a submissive-dominance relationship is the trust that exists between them, the way the dom honors that trust by caring for their sub, the way the sub reflects that back with their submission.”

 

“I miss the care.  I don’t...get it much.  Not with him.”  Chris studied his hands thoughtfully.  “I think...he thinks that being dominant gives him the right to be cruel.”

 

“Perhaps it’s time to change.”

 

Chris’ eyes strayed past the rail.  “Where would I go?”

 

Yuuri frowned searching for a solution.  “I’m going to my parents’ onsen in Hasetsu for the summer at the end of the quarter term.  Perhaps you could join me?  Find your feet again?  Figure out your next move?”  As Chris stared at him uncertainly.  “You’ll be safe.  It seems...like you could use a friend.”

 

Chris smiled at the thought.  The light in the in the hazel eyes wavered, “And for now?  We booked our room together.”

 

Yuuri stood up and dusted off his pants, his gaze falling on the man still crouched on the rooftop.  “You can crash with Phichit and me for the night, and we’ll go with you to get your things tomorrow.  I have some help that will step in if I ask them.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t.”  Yuuri held out a hand, an offer of friendship.  Chris looked at it then took it.  Yuuri gave him a hand up.  “Let’s get some rest, Chris.  Things are always clearer in the morning.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost forgot to post. I was so embroiled in reading another fic...Florentine by Mazarin221b. I hope you enjoy the progress they are making. ;)


	5. Beautiful Trauma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summer in Hasetsu. Yuuri and Chris hang out together while the younger man is healing. Victor helps with Yakov’s training camp.

* * *

 

[Beautiful Trauma](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2t5hG09grs)   
  


**The morning after…**

 

Yuuri, Phichit, and Chris were already at a table in the hotel restaurant eating breakfast when Victor came downstairs.  He narrowed his eyes in confusion before taking a possessive seat next to Yuuri.  Yuuri reached out and gave his hand a squeeze.

 

“Are you ready for your flight?” he asked.

 

Victor shrugged, his eyes casting daggers towards Chris.  “It will be long.  I’m going to immediately start work on the next season and Yakov’s training camp.”

 

“Oh, so you’re...busy this summer.”

 

Victor nodded, a petulant frown in place.  “I agreed to it in January.  It cuts back on some of my coaching fees.”

 

“I’m going to Hasetsu...helping with the family business and working on my choreography at the local rink.”

 

“I see.  So you’re...busy, as well.”

 

“Unfortunately.”

  
  
  


Phichit raised an eyebrow as Victor left.  “You probably should have mentioned that Chris is staying with you.”

 

Yuuri’s eyes were wide.  “Honestly, I was afraid of rocking the boat.  Surely...he’s not jealous.  I mean...it’s just me.”

 

“Yuuri…” Phichit responded in exasperation.

 

* * *

  
  


**Hasetsu, Japan**

 

“Your parents didn’t even hesitate to let me stay here,” Chris murmured.

 

Yuuri laughed at the thought.  “I think my bringing home people lost its sense of surprise years ago.  My friends and family say I’m always rescuing someone.”

 

Chris smiled quietly.  “I can see that.”

 

“How did you leave it with your coach?”

 

Chris shrugged.  “I told Josef I was taking a few weeks off to settle my thoughts.  I also...kind of suggested you might be helping me with some choreography.”

 

Yuuri chuckled.  “We can definitely do that.”

 

“I think...he’s relieved I’m out of that relationship, he had made some suggestions in the past.  I just...how do I find the right one?”

 

“I don’t know...one day you are watching someone skating across a screen and you just know?”

 

Chris’s hazel eyes glimmered in mirth, “You’ve got it bad, don’t you?”

 

Yuuri smiled, a blush tinting his cheeks.  “He’s beautiful...all the way through.”

 

“That he is,” Chris stated appreciatively.  They were both staring up at the poster of Victor on the wall in Yuuri’s room.  “So has he been in touch since Worlds?”

 

Yuuri nodded.  “He’s busy preparing for Yakov’s training camp and he’s now mentoring a new skater, Yuri Plisetsky.  I thought about inviting him to come home with me this summer, but he had prior obligations.”

 

“Does he know...I’m here?”

 

Yuuri shrugged as he crossed his legs and leaned forward.  “I told him I was hanging out with friends.  I didn’t think you wanted me to say anything.”

 

“I don’t want to come between you and your man, Yuuri,” Chris protested.

 

Yuuri looked his direction in surprise.  “It’s not like...we are in a committed relationship.”

 

“Are you sure?  He danced rather possessively with you at the banquet.”

 

“I..it’s not like that.  I...want that...to be committed to him.”  He sighed studying his hands.  “I guess I already am.  But he’s so young and I don’t want to...when’s the right time to move forward?”

 

Chris propped his chin on his hand.  A smile touched his lips.  It was a good day and he was happy to help Yuuri work through this.  “When he invites it.  When you are both ready...but you have to trust your partner to know when he is ready.”

 

Yuuri frowned thoughtfully.  “Oh...I guess I was...just protecting him from myself.”

 

“And why would you need to do that?” Chris responded with a wink.  “Are you an ogre underneath that sweet smile?”

 

Yuuri laughed.  “No, I guess not.”

 

“You two need to talk.  And by talking, I mean something other than texting.  He’s sweet, I agree...but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want more.”

 

“It’s just that…”  Yuuri trailed off afraid of putting his ideas into words, afraid of how real it would make it.  He looked up to meet Chris’ eyes and saw nothing but encouragement.  “I was...pushed into more.  My last boyfriend, we had already broken up.  But he was kicked out of his house and he came to stay with us.”  Yuuri paused taking a deep shaky breath and was surprised to feel a hand covering his, a thumb stroking the surface.  He blinked back unshed tears.  “He didn’t accept the break up.  He’d crawl in bed with me.  I’d wake up to him touching me.  I’d push him away but...he always came back.  I...felt trapped.  I didn’t know how to break away.  I felt...because I invited him to stay...that I was stuck, as though I had brought this upon myself.”

 

“That’s...kind of like the situation I found myself in, isn’t it?” Chris surmised.

 

“I guess...it was.  And that’s why I never want Victor to feel like he doesn’t have a say in the relationship.  I don’t want to take advantage of him.”

 

“And yet...you’re making decisions for him, not even giving him a say.”

 

Yuuri’s eyes widened in surprise, but then he felt the truth of Chris’ insight.  “I...am.  I don’t know how to move forward,” he admitted.

 

“Take it slow if you need to...for your sake.  But let him set the pace on his side.  And...don’t forget to talk.”

 

* * *

  
  


**St. Petersburg, Russia**

 

Yuri glared angrily as Victor smiled into his phone.  “You know he’s not alone,” the eleven-year-old spat out.

 

Victor looked up in surprise.  “He’s just visiting with friends.”

 

“Sure.  That’s why he took one home with him.” Somehow this child knew the perfect button to push on everyone.

 

Victor frowned into his phone.  He’d seen the pictures that came across social media.  He was surprised to see Chris was staying with Yuuri and his family.  If he was honest he felt more jealous than surprised.  Chris and Yuuri seemed to be...very close.  But Yuuri still talked to Victor like before.  Of course, Yuuri never said they were anything but friends.  Victor turned off his phone and put it away.  He deliberately missed the smirk on the angry child’s face.

 

The rest of the afternoon, Victor drilled the novice skater hard.  “I want to learn double jumps,” he demanded.  Victor made him work on spins and edges.  Whatever he demanded, Victor chose the opposite.  Edges were the foundation of all moves, footwork and patterns the core of this sport, Victor reminded himself fighting the guilty feeling welling up each time the angry blond exploded but complied. Perhaps he, too, was a little angry with the child.  A clap of the hands broke the two of them up and they both came to halt before Madame Lilia.

 

“You,” she declared focusing her attention on the small boy.  “I want you in my studio tomorrow morning at nine.  Then she turned to Victor and added, “You will make sure he is there.”

 

Victor sighed.   _ No break from the angry kitten _ .  He smiled at himself creating the monicker...for that’s exactly how he acted.  He retreated to the locker room and showered.  Only then did he turn his phone back on.

 

He stared at the phone with a frown.  Nothing was sent during his radio silence.   _ Maybe I read more into this relationship than is actually there _ .  Victor walked despondently from the rink.  He started when an arm looped into his elbow and glanced down to see a redhead.

 

“Hi, Mila...I’m not in a good mood this afternoon,” he confessed quietly.

 

She rolled her eyes.  “Of course not...look whose company you’ve been keeping.”

 

That pulled a little bit of a smile from him.  “What are you up to?”

 

“I’m meeting some of the others at Olga’s Diner.  You should come.”

 

Part of him wanted to retreat to his small room...but part of him didn’t want to be alone.  He ended up giving in to her urging.  They walked in and Victor spotted Katya and Pyotr.  Georgi sat nearby, his expression melancholy.  “Who is it this time?” he whispered.

 

Mila shrugged.  “I don’t know.”

 

Anya was absent and for that Victor was glad.  She...had her own prejudices.  Dmitry and Ivan showed up after they were seated.  Dinner was ordered family style and soon they were passing plates of food around.  Victor found himself smiling despite himself.  And he felt...people from their group touching him.  A pat on the back.  A hug from the side.   _ When did this start?  Oh, I told Mila how much I realized how little people touched me, but that I felt better when they did.  _  He glanced over at the redhead now in an animated argument with Georgi.

 

Katya leaned forward and asked him, “What do you think about our new acquisition?”

 

“The angry kitten?” he asked then covered his mouth but others heard it and laughter filtered through the group.

 

“That’s a good name for him,” Pyotr observed.  “He fights the hands that are trying to help him.”

 

“So true.” Victor thought of the multitude of metaphorical claw marks he was covered in after just one skating session  “What do we know about him?”  Victor looked around to see if anyone knew his history.  He was surprised when that source turned out to be Mila.  _  Does she know everything? _ __   
  


“He lives with his grandfather in Moscow and...he’s here on state funds only.  He’s a fighter, though.  That Kazakh boy at the camp...he mentioned that.  I can tell that he admires Yuri.  I just think...he hasn’t had a lot in the way of parents.”

 

Victor frowned, thinking about how hard he was on the boy earlier.  He knew what it was like to not have parents.  He should have taken time to know more.  It dawned on him why he was made Yuri’s mentor.   _ I don’t know if I’m the best person...but I’ll try my best. _

 

“I guess I’ll just have to work harder to gain his trust,” Victor determined lifting blue eyes to meet others that looked at him with approval.  His feet felt lighter as he walked back home.

  
  


* * *

  
  


**Victor/ I guess you’ve been busy lately.**

 

**Yuuri/ I’m working on my choreography and helping out at the onsen.**

 

**Victor/ Not too busy to spend time with Chris.  You seem to be with him a lot.**

 

**Yuuri/ He’s my guest so I try to show him around.  He goes back to Switzerland soon, though.**

 

**Victor/ I see.**

 

**Yuuri/ Are you okay?**

 

Victor stopped himself.  The conversation wasn’t going where he wanted, and it was only making him feel worse.   _ Is this me talking?  Or did I just fall for an eleven-year old’s trick? _  Changing his attitude he tried to shift his tone.

 

**Victor/ Just busy.  Tired.**

 

**Victor/ Camp and my own choreography.**

 

**Yuuri/ And they call it summer break.**

 

**Victor/ I know.**

  
  


* * *

  
  


**Hasetsu, Japan**

 

“I just heard from my new advisor,” Chris announced as they walked along the beach.  “I guess I’m going to have to head back sooner than planned.”

 

“What’s going on?”

 

“He wants to meet with each of his students one on one.  I guess he was saddled with all of us who do work by arrangement.”

 

“You’ve never said.  What’s your major?”

 

“Psychology.  And this...Lawrence Haas...is the grad assistant I’ll be working with.”  Chris turned towards Yuuri and asked, “What’s your major?”

 

Yuuri laughed self-deprecatingly.  “It depends on when you ask me.  My roommate says I’m exploring.  My advisor says I need to nail something down.  My grandfather...he has money to allow me to stay in university.  I’ve taken a lot of maths, computer science, physics, languages, psychology, and of course dance.  I could do pre-engineering.  If I was to go into my grandfather’s business, I need to focus on international law...he’s into trade and export.  My parents are more into hospitality.  All of them say I should follow my own path, however.  So...I don’t know?”

 

Chris grinned.  “So you’ve majored in everything.”

 

“Perhaps not English.  Or history.  I could do history.  I don’t want to, though.  I like to have my hands in the action.  I like...skating.  Maybe I should talk to my coach and find out what I need to make the transition later on.”

 

“There are worse ideas.  I was thinking sports psychology for my specialization but...now I’m rethinking it.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“I realize...I had an unhealthy view on the Lifestyle.  I think I want to study human sexuality and maybe focus on that area of expertise.  I like the idea that I’d be helping people stay away from the problem that I fell into.  And...it seems like human sexuality is my new advisor’s focus.”

 

“Interesting...well, now I know who to lean on for relationship advice.”

 

Chris laughed.  “I thought we already established that.”

 

Yuuri’s laughter rung a little hollow, then died altogether.  He studied his hands in silence before opening up.  “He’s...still not talking to me.  Not really.  I don’t know what I did wrong.”

 

“You invited another man to spend the summer with you,” Chris deadpanned.

 

“But…”

 

Chris raised up a hand.  “I’m not saying you did anything wrong...but this is probably forcing Victor to deal with some of his own emotions. Think of this from his end, you started something, then because of schedules you both had to walk away from it.  Except you brought a man home.”  Chris laughed at Yuuri’s face, “Victor isn’t worried about that. But he is worried about where he stands with you. You have to let him work this out.”

 

“So...I wait…”

 

“And keep trying to talk to him.  Keep your foot in the door unless he closes it out completely.”  Chris shrugged at his gaping expression.  “If he shuts you out, you have to respect that.”

 

“I suppose…”

 

“Why...don’t you go back to the point where things were working,” Chris suggested.

 

“Friendship?”

 

Chris nodded.  “There are worse places to build from.”


	6. Just Give me a Reason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grand Prix Series. Victor and Yuuri keep missing each other but text back and forth about their results.
> 
> Yuuri - Trophee Eric Bompard, Paris, France - 10/19-17  
> Victor - Cup of Russia, Moscow, Russia - 10/23-24  
> Yuuri - Skate America, Lake Placid, NY - 11/13-15  
> Victor - Skate Canada, Kitchener, ON - 11/20-22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to my betas, BluSkates and Magrathea! I think I've replotted this story three times at least. But the characters take on a life of their own. For the rest of you...I do have this particular story written up to sixteen. But, as for the others, I may need to take a few days and do some catch up writing. The good news...I'm on break so lots of writing time. I may not post until after Christmas. We shall see. Family gatherings and all. So enjoy!

* * *

 

[Just Give me a Reason](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpQFFLBMEPI)

 

Yuuri returned to Detroit at the end of July.  Ciao Ciao had him run through his programs finally in person, then ripped them apart.  Once they were reassembled, Yuuri had to agree the programs were stronger with step sequences highlighting his precision and technique and jumps that took advantage of his many strengths, including his stamina.

 

He continued to text Victor, but the messages felt distant.  He even tried calling but Victor didn’t pick up.  After the third banishment to the inbox  Yuuri wound up to pitch the phone across the room only to be stopped by Phichit.

 

“I know your grandpa has money, but it’s not worth having to rebuild your contacts,” his best friend warned.

 

“How can I fix this if he won’t let me in?” Yuuri seethed.

 

Phichit rolled his eyes and laid back on his bunk.  “I don’t know, Yuuri.  How does one reach someone who cuts them off?”

 

Yuuri’s eyes widened realizing how many times in the past he had froze out his friends when his stubbornness kicked in.  “You have to wait them out,” he conceded.  “He’s got his blinders up, doesn’t he?”

 

Phichit side-eyed him _you’d know better than anyone_.  “You took another man home with you.  That’s got to scare him.  I mean...after that dance at the banquet?  After the nights spent in his room playing with his hair?  It probably looks like you led him on only to dropped him for the next available piece of ass.”

 

Yuuri pushed his hair back in frustration.  “It wasn’t like that.”

 

“It doesn’t matter.  That’s how it _looks_.  You’ve got to give him time to cool off.”

 

“Maybe the assignments will work out in my favor and put us together,” Yuuri hoped.

 

Two days later, the Grand Prix assignments came out.  The figure skating gods were not feeling favorable.  Yuuri and Victor had no overlapping competitions.

 

* * *

  


**Yuuri - Trophee Eric Bompard, Paris, France - 10/19-17/10**

 

Yuuri warmed up for his short program.  He was a mess this season.  Desparate.  His confidence was shaken and it showed during practice.  But he remembered the golden rule of skating, get all the falls out of your blades in practice.  Now to see if he could scrape together a climb to the top.  He had to.  And he hoped Victor would make it as well because he needed to see him.

 

Yuuri’s costume began black at his feet and faded to gray at an angle as it climbed his body in a whispery gauzy fabric.  Crystals followed the line of the of the of the color change.  His makeup was simple, black eyeliner and a light dusting of powder.

 

His short program, [ Transylvanian Lullaby ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qh8cV6qTwmE), was announced as he took his position, head down as if in mourning.  He waited the first four count of the light chimes to pass before pushing into his first three turn, then dancing lightly through a mohawk back loop sequence, allowing the light, almost ethereal music to move his body like a china doll dancing in a music box.  The haunting music of the violin filled the room as he skated across the ice.  He spread himself into a long legged spread eagle, arching his back and pushing into the ina bauer.  It was the soft elongated high note that signalled his first jump, a triple lutz, followed by a quad toe.  Somewhere at the barriers Ciao Ciao slammed his fist in praise as Frank Carroll grimaced, but Yuuri was lost to the applause.  He was the ghost caught in the moores forever seeking his one true love in order to seduce the man to follow him into this eternal dark dance.  Each move, each turn spoke of that begging need to be joined in that dark forever that Yuuri found himself in.  His final combination spin came out of a loose toe sequence that had the audience gasping.  He sunk into a very low broken leg spin, switching into a back pancake, then rising.  He pulled out, stopped and pulled three back edge moves while reaching his hand forward to grasp at something already gone from him.  Expression shattering to sorrow he pulled his empty hand back to hold it like a broken wing against his chest.

 

The audience held their breath.  Ciao Ciao swallowed audibly.  Carroll smirked and walked towards his skater, knowing that second was the best they could hope for.  Screams sounded through the stadium as Yuuri pulled back to wave, picking up a tossie and waving it as he made his way to the kiss and cry.

  


**Victor/ Wow, Yuuri!  Your short was haunting and beautiful.**

 

Yuuri smiled down at the text.  It felt more like the old Victor.

 

**Yuuri/ Thank you.  I can’t wait to see yours!**

 

**Victor/ I think my programs are very dark this time.**

 

**Yuuri/ Why dark?**

 

**Victor/ A lot of things going on in my head.**

 

**Victor/ I’m sorry I’ve been so distant.**

 

**Yuuri/ I hoped you would open up to me.  We are friends after all.**

 

**Victor/ Friends.  You’re right.  :)**

 

**Yuuri/ Were you mad at me?**

 

**Victor/ :/  I don’t think so?  Just a lot of emotions.  And a lot of responsibility.**

 

**Victor/ And an angry kitten to look out for.**

 

**Yuuri/ Kitten?  I thought you were strictly a poodle man.**

 

**Victor/ :D  I think you’re right.  The kitten has proved to be most challenging.**

 

**Yuuri/ I can’t wait to hear all about it.**

 

Yuuri hoped that invited a call but...not yet.

 

* * *

  
  


**Victor - Cup of Russia, Moscow, Russia - 10/23-24**

 

Victor scanned over his past texts from Yuuri.  One word stood out.   _Friends._  He huffed in irritation.   _I’m an idiot.  I thought...I hoped.  He probably thinks I’m a child.  Sometimes I feel like one._

 

“Vitya, are you okay?”

 

Victor looked up to see the darker red hair and deep green eyes of Katya.   _She seemed to be on Victor duty_.  “Why does everyone seem to think I need watching over?  I’m grown, you know.”

 

Katya smiled, her expression kind making Victor feel guilty for his rant.  Besides, it just served to disprove his argument.  “No one is saying otherwise.  It’s just...you’ve been down lately.”

 

“I know,” he whispered.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

 

He looked up with tears rimming his lashes.  “We’re just friends.”  The words were heavy on his lips.  “It’s because he thinks I’m still a child.”

 

“Did he say that?”

 

“Friends?  Yes.  I’ve been mad all summer and now...I think I’ve been a fool.  He never saw me as more than a friend.”

 

Katya frowned doubtfully.  She saw the way Yuuri regarded Victor in the hallway.  She spoke with him as well.  His words and demeanor said anything but friends.  “Perhaps he’s just waiting for you to be ready,” she suggested.

 

“He took another man home with him over the summer!” Victor said, the words angry and heated followed by his breath hitching and a sob spilling out.  Katya pulled him into her arms and held onto him as he cried bitterly.  “I was mad at him because...I thought he teased me.  Now I can see...he only saw me as a friend all along.  It’s almost worse.”

 

“I’m not sure what was going on with the other boy, Vitya, but...I don’t think he regarded you as just a friend.  I do think he felt you were still young.”

 

Victor pulled back and gave her a most miserable look.  “I don’t think that makes me feel better.”

 

“I’m just saying don’t be rash...and give him a chance to explain.”

 

Victor chewed his lip and thought about her words.  But glancing at his phone, the word _friends_ seemed huge.   _Maybe I need to make him see me as a man.  As an adult._

 

He went to his costuming closet that night and pulled out his short program.  It was seductive.  Black with large crystals and cutouts.  The back was entirely netting which dipped to the sides, revealing his sleek and carved back.  A half skirt that flirted over his hip as he skated.  He studied it.  The costume needed something.  Then a smile teased his lips.  A touch of red.

 

The day of his short program, he stood waiting, his hair swept back into a ponytail.  Madame Lilia wanted to braid it but he wanted the flow of his hair as he swept through the program.  His makeup was smokey around his eyes, eyeliner and mascara darker than normal.  His gloss was clear and his makeup gave his face an almost porcelain appearance.  He used a light amount of grey to highlight the hollows of his cheeks.

 

He moved into position and turned a smoldering gaze upon the audience.  The Russian folk song [ Dark Eyes ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQ4AfCZzQFI) began with seductive slow violin that Victor teased out standing still, arms raising above his head waving fluidly, as if calling the winds.  His back arched and his left leg swept out into a back pivot as his arms drifted back and away from his body.  He lunged back and with only a few crossovers was in a graceful Ina Bauer arching his back beautifully with the seductive notes of the violin pulling at his body.  As the violin jumped to the E string, Victor moved into a flirty step sequence that caught the movements of his skirt.   _Yuuri do you see me?  Are these the moves of a child?_  Running his hands down the mesh costume, showing the tone of his chest Victor took a coy look from under the curve of his arm, _see me as your black swan_ , then turned, almost triumphantly into his final pose.  Victor finished with his hip out, offering a wink to the audience.

  


**Yuuri/ Enchanting!  And that red on your costume!  Who is your designer?**

 

Victor’s chin lifted with pride.  This was his design.  He commissioned it to be made, but the design was his.

 

**Victor/ ;) that’s my secret but thank you.**

 

**Yuuri/ I loved your program.  I hope we both make final six...I want to see the performance live.**

 

**Victor/ So do I.  Do you think I’ll make it?**

 

**Yuuri/ You’re good.  And you’ve gained control of your limbs.**

 

**Victor/ It helps to not grow six inches in two months.**

 

 **Yuuri/ That’s the hardest period.  All of those changes.  Messes with your body and your head**.

 

Victor considered those words.   _Could I have been over sensitive due to hormones?_

 

**Victor/ I hadn’t thought about that.**

 

* * *

  
  


**Yuuri - Skate America, Lake Placid, NY - 11/13-15**

 

Yuuri adjusted the tuxedo styled skate costume.  When Chris had suggested the tango, Yuuri thought the blond was nuts.  “I’m not seductive!”

 

“ _Au contraire mon ami_ ,” he argued.  “You just have to find your muse.”  Yuuri’s blush must have been telling because Chris followed up with, “Oh, but you have already, haven’t you?”  And somewhere between Chris’ encouragement and Minako’s influence, the tango came to life.

 

He skated into position as they announced his free skate.  He knew Victor missed it the first time and Yuuri hoped he would see it this time.  [ El Tango de Roxanne ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDP2H4-c7JA) began its seductive intro and Yuuri turned to tease the cameras but his eyes were for one man.  He chased the shadow of him around the ice.  The seductress, teasing him across the ice, leading him by his long fingers, the flutter of his red half skirt catching his imagination.   _Victor...my beauty.  You’ve had me all along._

  


**Victor/  !!!**

 

**Victor/ I can’t believe I missed that the first time!**

 

**Victor/ That is not your normal style.**

 

**Yuuri/ A friend suggested I try something outside the box.**

 

There was a pause and Yuuri, cringing immediately, wondered what he was thinking.

 

**Victor/ Chris?**

 

Yuuri’s eyebrows furrowed.   _Oh, shit!_  This was not going to go well but lying never got him anywhere.

 

**Yuuri/ Yes**

 

**Yuuri/ And Minako, my ballet coach.**

 

He watched his phone to see if that addition helped matters.

 

**Victor/ I see.**

 

Yuuri waited not sure how to respond.

 

**Victor/ It was beautiful.  You should do more “outside the box”.**

 

**Yuuri/ Maybe...you could suggest my next one?**

 

He waited for what seemed like forever before he saw a response.

 

**Victor/ I’ll have to think about it.**

 

**Victor/ Would you skate to it?**

 

**Yuuri/ Yes.**

 

**Victor/ Whatever I pick?**

 

Yuuri wondered if he was making a deal with the devil but he needed to bridge the gap.

 

**Yuuri/ Anything.**

 

* * *

  
  


**Victor - Skate Canada, Kitchener, ON - 11/20-22**

 

Victor stood in the Victorian styled skate costume, white lace around his neck, ornate lapels, one pink and the other silver.  If the previous costume suggested femininity, this one embraced it.  He wore a brush of pink on his lips.  His eyes were made in silver.  He pulled his hair back into a french braid tying it off with a black velvet ribbon.  He even added silver to his nails.  The entire picture was stunning.

 

 

The announcement of his free skate, [ The Vampire Waltz ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xk9walOQI44) , echoed through the arena as Victor took a formal waltz position and then skated into the embrace of the music.   _What would it be like to dance with you on the ice?  Is it a silly dream to hope?  Like this dance...a fantasy._ Victor exaggerated his movements into the dance, turning into his first jump, a triple lutz...which he hoped Yuuri would see the nod.  Highlighting the macabre dance, he danced with the devil losing himself into the movements.   _Yuuri...my devil._ Victor fell for him so easily.  He still ached for him.  Y _uuri...do you see me now?  Am I man enough for you?_

  


**Yuuri/ It was more beautiful this time than last.**

 

**Victor/ Thank you.**

 

**Yuuri/ I like the braid with that costume.**

 

**Victor/ The low ponytail was interfering with it last time.**

 

**Yuuri/ It just dawned on me that we both chose a classic ballroom piece.**

 

**Victor/ I enjoy dancing.**

 

**Yuuri/ I find refuge in dancing.**

 

Victor stared at that with a furrowed brow.

 

**Victor/ What do you mean?**

 

**Yuuri/ I have anxiety.  I’ve told you this.**

 

**Victor/ Yes.**

 

**Yuuri/ I normally skate off my anxious feeling but sometimes I can’t.  So I go to my first love, which was dancing.  I thought I’d be a dancer before I discovered ice skating.**

 

**Victor/ My mother was a dancer.  A ballerina.**

 

**Yuuri/ My mother danced until she married my father.**

 

**Yuuri/ Well, I guess she still dances.  I catch her dancing in the kitchen while she’s cooking...and sometimes I would look out the window to see her dancing with my father in our yard.**

 

That brought a smile to Victor’s lips.  It was hard to stay mad at Yuuri.

 

**Victor/ I think I’d like to see that.  Like catching sight of a secret.**

 

**Yuuri/ A secret...I like the thought of that.**

 

**Victor/ Do you go home often?**

 

**Yuuri/ Almost every summer.  Sometimes more.  But my first year in Detroit I stayed here.  It was hard.  I missed my family terribly and only caught glimpses of my sister and ballet instructor at one competition.**

 

**Victor/ Why didn’t you go home?**

 

**Yuuri/ Stubbornness.  I thought I had to prove something.  My grandfather flew to Detroit and had a firm talk with me.  After that, I went home every summer.**

 

**Victor/ I would love to see my mother again.  I wonder what she would think of me now.**

 

**Yuuri/ I think she would love the man you’ve become.**

 

Victor blinked as he stared at those words.  He could feel the emotions welling up in him.   _Damnit, Yuuri!  You are always making me cry for one reason or another._

 

Pyotr took the opportunity to come check on him.  “Vitya, the medal ceremony is soon.  Are you ready?”  He then saw the tears.  “What’s wrong?  Who do I need to beat up?”

 

Victor sniffed back and checked his eyes.  Holding his chin up high, he offered a sad smile.  “Yuuri just said something that made me miss my mother is all.”

 

Pyotr sighed.  “Every time I see you crying lately, it seems to have something to do with Yuuri.  Are you sure I don’t need to take him out?”

 

Victor laughed through his remaining tears.  “No.  It’s fine.  I think I’m just really emotional these days.”

 

His second bronze along with his point values set him in the seventh place position.  He was an alternate.

 

**Yuuri/ Stay ready.  I’ve gone to the final as an alternate before.**

 

**Victor/ Does it really mean anything?**

 

**Yuuri/ I took silver that year.  So, yes, it still counts.**

 

Victor smiled.  Even if it’s just as friends, he decides he doesn’t want to give Yuuri up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter - Yuuri's birthday and GPF.


	7. Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri’s birthday and the GPF.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much thanks to BluSkates and Magrathea for your edits and contributions!
> 
> Readers, make sure you are subscribed to the Glitters series so you don't miss anything on the side!

* * *

 

[ Friends ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Myaod6GC4U)

 

Yuuri sorted through his mail upon his return to Detroit.  While away, he had received several birthday cards and packages, including one from his mother.  Then his eyes widened in surprise.  A box from Victor with happy birthday stamped all over it with glittery ink.   _ So adorable without even trying! _  He opened the box to find another carefully wrapped package in pink and silver with a card tucked in.  He studied the silver script with a loopy heart and V in calligraphy.  He tucked away that little detail along with the card.

 

Carefully removing the ribbon, he took a small knife to cut the tape.  He smiled at the careful wrapping.  The box beneath revealed no clue of its content.  He cut the tape holding it shut and opened the flap.  His eyes went wide when they rested on the rabbit made of suit fabric and wearing glasses.  The rabbit held a scaled down  _ Pride and Prejudice  _ book.  The bunny was dressed in a replica of Victor’s free skate costume.

 

Lifting the bunny with care and overwhelmed by his emotions, Yuuri saw the note underneath.

 

_ Dear Yuuri, _

 

_ You asked who designed my costumes.  Most of my costumes are imagined in my thoughts as I create my programs.  I can make them...just like I made this bunny and it’s costume.  But I usually commission the work to a seamstress my mother worked with.  They take time and you know how valuable that is to us.  The red was a last minute adjustment.  Thank you for appreciating my work. _

 

_ In friendship, _

_ Vitya _

  
  


Yuuri’s eyes misted as he lifted the rabbit and settled it in the crook of his arm and took a selfie.  He knew the emotions were all over his face but he sent it anyway.

 

**Yuuri/ I don’t know what to say.**

 

**Victor/ It made it!  I wasn’t sure I got it sent out in time.**

 

**Yuuri/ I can’t believe you made this.**

 

**Victor/ I was thinking of how you supported me this year.  And I wanted to say thank you.**

 

**Yuuri/ I did so little.**

 

**Victor/ I was in a bad place when you talked to me last year.  I didn’t think I really had friends. After withdrawing from regular high school and completing my work online, it was even worse. You helped me realize that others see me and care about me.**

 

**Yuuri/ I didn’t know.  I just needed to talk to you.**

 

**Victor/ I know I’m difficult and Yakov says I walk to my own beat.**

 

**Yuuri/ Not difficult.  It’s okay to know what you do and don’t want.**

 

**Victor/ Maybe…**

 

**Yuuri/ And what Yakov says...that is part of your charm.**

 

Yuuri paused before sending the last text.   _ What the hell!   _ He sent it.  And waited.

 

**Victor/ This is Mila.  Victor is currently dying.**

 

Yuuri read the text and felt a little bit of blush.  It was half an hour later when his phone chimed pulling him away from his studies.

 

**Victor/ I can’t believe Mila wrote that.  I was just in the bathroom.  Sometimes she’s like having a kid sister.**

 

_ It took him thirty minutes to come up with that excuse. _

 

_ Unless it’s the truth. _

 

Yuuri frowned at the turmoil boiling up in his stomach.   _ Hello, anxiety.  I was wondering when you’d show up. _  He sighed and pushed back his computer. _  Time for a run. _

 

Yuuri returned to another text from Victor.

 

**Victor/ Jeremy Abbot dropped out!  I’m in!**

 

**Yuuri/ I can’t wait to see you!**

 

**Yuuri/ I can introduce you to proper Japanese food.**

 

**Victor/ :D**

 

* * *

  
  


**Grand Prix Final, Tokyo, Japan - 12/3-6/2009**

 

Victor stood beside his coach and a few of his teammates as they checked in the buzz of plans winding around him but his eyes were watching for Yuuri and he nearly missed Phichit’s wave.  He shyly waved back then spoke to Yakov.

 

“I’m going to go hang out with Phichit,” he said as he tucked a stray strand of hair behind his ear.

 

Yakov grunted.  “Here’s your room key card.  Don’t forget to rest.”

 

Victor nodded and waved at the others.  Joining Phichit, the Thai man pulled him in to whisper.  “I’m kidnapping you.”

 

“Can we drop my bags off in my room first?” Victor responded with an amused eyebrow raise.

 

Phichit made like he had to think about it then said, “I suppose but bring your pajamas and shower bag.”

 

Victor’s mouth opened in surprise.  “Coach will have a fit.”

 

“You are almost nineteen.  You can make your own decisions.”

 

_ I am...I can _ .  He grinned at the realization.  “You are right!  Okay, let’s do it.”

 

They left the building half an hour later with a bag slung over Victor’s shoulder and Mr. Darcy in his arms who came along at Phichit’s insistence when he noticed Victor pick up and set down the bunny several times.  “Where are we going?”

 

“It’s a secret mission.  So I can’t tell you.  Because it’s a secret,” Phichit stressed in exaggerated hushed tones.  Victor rolled his eyes but allowed himself to be led along.  Then he started when a beautiful black Mercedes Benz drove up and a driver stepped out to open the door for them.

 

“Phichit?!” Victor asked in alarm.   _ This is how people ended up victims of human trafficking _ .  Victor looked around him with uncertainty but the Thai man laughed and tugged his hand into the car.  “Please tell me this is all some plan.”

 

Phichit only responded with a mysterious grin that did nothing to settle his nerves.

 

They arrived at a tall sleek building and the door was opened for them once more.  Victor followed Phichit out and looked around wide eyed.  “Why are we here?”

 

“Come on...I’ll show you.”  Phichit led him through a pair of doors held open by doormen.  He walked like he owned the place and soon they were in the elevator heading up...to the top floor.

 

_ Is it some party? _ _ But he had me bring pajamas and insisted I bring Mr. Darcy _ .  The doors open into an entry area where Phichit rang the bell.  Then the next door open...to Yuuri standing before them in an apron made to look like a tuxedo.  Victor screwed his face in confusion and Yuuri couldn’t hold back his laugh.  “Come in, both of you,” he invited.

 

As Victor stepped in, he didn’t feel so overwhelmed.  The apartment looked like a house that just happened to live on top of a building because that was basically what it was.  Yuuri tugged him on in towards the kitchen.  “I promised you good Japanese food.  So I cooked dinner tonight.”

 

Victor glanced around in confusion.  “But...this place!”

 

“Belongs to family.  They use it when in town for business.  It’s open for now, so I was able to stay.”

 

“So...you aren’t staying at the hotel.”

 

A deep voice came across the room warm in velvet tones and an Italian accent.  “Why would we stay at a hotel when we can stay here?”

 

“And free,” Phichit added.

 

“I guess...you’re right.”

 

Yuuri led him to the kitchen where Victor climbed onto a barstool and watched Yuuri return to dicing vegetables like a pro.  “Where did you learn how to do that?”

 

“My parents own a restaurant and an onsen...which is a hot spring resort.  Small scale but I grew up in the business and have helped out wherever needed...including the restaurant.”

 

“That sounds interesting.  I grew up backstage.  When Mama could no longer dance, she’d spend hours working on costumes.”

 

“Is that where you learned to sew and make costumes?”

 

“Yes...but Mama said I was a natural.  Just like dancing...and later skating.”

 

“Skating and dancing are the only two things that held my attention long term.  I’ve majored in so many things my advisor has given up on me settling on a degree.”

 

“Why don’t you major in dance?” Victor suggested.

 

Yuuri smiled indulgently as he dropped the vegetables into the pan to stir fry it.  “I have.  And psychology...being diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder made me curious.  And then it was physics...pre-engineering...mathematics...and currently, computer programming.  That’s Phichit’s fault.”

 

“I need a partner in crime,” Phichit declared as he took the stool next to Victor.  “Do you need to contact anyone to let them know where you are?”

 

Victor frowned.  “I’m an adult.  I don’t have to check in.”

 

The other two chuckled.  “We still check in with Ciao Ciao.  Do whatever we want but we check in,” Phichit teased.

 

Victor pulled out his phone and darted towards his contacts.  “It probably wouldn’t hurt to tell my coach...so he doesn’t worry.”

 

Yuuri turned back to his cooking, a smile on his lips.

 

**Victor/ I’m staying the night at Yuuri’s family home.  Ciao Ciao is here as well as is Phichit.  What time do I need to be at practice?”**

 

**Yakov/ You’re at the Katsuki house?**

 

**Victor/ Yes.**

 

He frowned feelling redundant.

 

**Yakov/ Are you okay?**

 

Victor’s frown deepened.

 

**Victor/ Of course.  I’m with Yuuri.**

 

**Yakov/ Practice is at ten.  Don’t be late.**

 

“Yakov is so weird sometimes,” Victor muttered.

 

Yuuri laughed and Victor looked up through his lashes and saw Yuuri’s hips moving to some unknown melody as he cooked.  Victor’s lips parted at the sight and he missed the knowing look given by Phichit.

 

Yuuri turned with dishes filled with their dinner and Victor dropped his chin in a hurry, covering his expression with his hair.  “ [ Yasai Itame ](https://www.justonecookbook.com/stir-fry-vegetables/) ,” Yuuri explained.  “Or basically, stir fried vegetables with pork.  I try to keep it light during competition season.”

 

Victor’s eyes lit up and he thanked Yuuri warmly as Ciao Ciao came out of hiding, freshly showered and travel weary.  “Minako is joining us tomorrow.”

 

“I don’t know who you think you’re fooling,” Phichit teased.  “She’s coming to see you as much as Yuuri.”

 

The older man actually turned crimson.  “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

 

Yuuri and Phichit both chuckled but didn’t push it.  They ate companionably then the coach retired to his room.  Yuuri removed Victor’s almost empty plate and politely refused when he offered to wash.  “You were the last to arrive.  I’m sure you’d like a shower.  Phichit and I have this.”

 

Victor smiled appreciatively then scooped up his backpack to head down the indicated hallway. The shower was luxurious with so many jets that it was intimidating and made Victor miss his clawfoot tub.  A whirlpool bath sat nearby and it was tempting but he didn’t want to waste his time with Yuuri.  So he found the simplest setting on the shower and cleaned up.  He washed his hair then braided it.  Now in his soft pajamas, he rejoined the other two in the den, both discussing movies.  Yuuri looked up as he entered, his expression going soft making Victor self conscious as he twirled the end of his hair around his finger.

 

“Do you have a preference for movies?” Phichit asked pulling them both from the moment.

 

Victor shrugged.  “I don’t know.  What do you have in mind?”  Victor’s eyes took in the cozy space now sprawled with pillows, futons, blanket.  Nestled in the middle was Mr. Darcy...and the bunny Victor made, glasses carefully removed.  He scooped it up and looked at Yuuri.  “What did you name him?”

 

“I thought Bilbo Baggins, but then he carries  _ Pride and Prejudice _ .”

 

Victor smirked.  “I’m sure Bilbo was a well read hobbit.  I mean, he did write his own memoirs.”

 

Yuuri met Phichit’s eyes.  “Are you hearing  _ Lord of the Rings  _ marathon?  Because that’s what I’m hearing.”

 

Phichit turns to Victor with a look of desperation.  “That’s not what you said.  Please tell him that’s not what you said!”

 

Victor touched his lip with his finger thoughtfully and fought off the smirk when Phichit dropped an expletive in the background.  “I don’t think we can get through all three, especially not the extended version, which I’m certain is the only version owned in this house.”

 

“Amen” Yuuri uttered under in his breath in false reverence, then winked at Victor.

 

The pale lips curled into a smiled and offered, “I have practice at ten a.m.  Maybe  _ The Fellowship? _ ”

 

Yuuri grinned.  Phichit threw his hands up in defeat.  “I’m outnumbered!  It’s a conspiracy!  You stacked the deck against me!”  Phichit fell back dramatically.  “I need a hamster.”

 

Victor looked at him quizzically.

 

“You obviously don’t follow Phichit on social media if you are unaware of his hamster obsession,” Yuuri stated dryly.

 

“Is that healthy?”

 

“We’re still deciding.” 

 

Two hours later, Phichit laid curled up in the foreground with Victor and Yuuri leaning against the couch.  Yuuri picked up the newly christened Bilbo Baggins and perched the glasses on his nose.  “Why glasses?  He’s obviously modeled after you given his literary choices.”

 

Victor rolled his eyes then reached for his backpack.  He pulled out his latest read,  _ Sense and Sensibility,  _ and a pair of glasses.  Settling them on his nose, he leveled a challenging gaze at Yuuri as the other man’s mouth went dry.  “They are reading glasses.  I only wear them if I’m reading, though.  I see far off just fine.”

 

“I’m just the opposite.  I can’t see shit far off but up close I can focus.  I wear my glasses all of the time except when I’m skating.”

 

“Why don’t you wear contacts?”

 

“They dry out my eyes.  I tried them for about a year but I really don’t like to wear them.”

 

“I like your glasses.  Shall we trade?”

 

Yuuri smirked.  “Okaaay.”  They traded.  Yuuri squinted.  “Wow, nope.  I can’t see anything.”

 

Victor makes a face in Yuuri’s glasses and answers, “No, you really can’t.”  The artificial  _ click _ of a cellphone had them both jumped and glare in Phichit’s general direction.  The tricksy hobbit had taken a picture of the two of them.  They quickly traded back glasses.  Victor peeked over Phichit’s shoulder.  “Send it to me,” he squeeked.

 

Yuuri crawled across.  “Ugh!  Delete it!”

 

Phichit cackled.  “You know that’s not going to happen!”  He pressed send and soon Victor’s phone chimed.

 

As the laughter subsided and stillness set in, Victor found his head once more leaning into Yuuri’s space and the other man accepting it, his fingers sliding over Victor’s shoulder.  Victor was out before the end of the movie.

 

Victor woke up hours later, disoriented, tucked under blankets and Mr. Darcy in his arms.  He stretched then sat up, the dim light showing that he was still in the living room.  A blue light caught his attention and he realized Yuuri was sitting at the kitchen table in the dark staring into a computer with headphones on.  He looked up and waved him over, pulling off one earpiece and hitting a series of buttons.  “I’m _ in class _ ,” he whispered.

 

Victor sat next to him and leaned over, seeing the professor in the background.  “Can he see us?” Victor whispered back.

 

Yuuri shook his head.  “The mic is muted, too.  I’m just whispering because Ciao Ciao and Phichit are asleep.”

 

“Is this how you do it?  Go to college and travel for competitions?”

 

“Sometimes.  Others are completely online or by arrangement.”

 

Victor stretched and he heard his back pop several times.  Yuuri looked up and smiled.  Laying down his phones, he guided Victor down the hall.  Opening the door, he motioned into the room.  “A little more comfortable,” he stated quietly.

 

Victor nodded, his chin dropping bashfully.  This room smelled very much like Yuuri.  “I don’t want to take your bed.”

 

“It’s fine.  Phichit took the room I was going to offer you when you crashed out in the floor.”

 

Victor slipped into the room and heard the door close behind him.  There was a certain intimacy being in someone else’s space...especially to sleep.  He pulled back Yuuri’s bedding and slipped between the sheets.  The scent of the other man was heady and Victor slipped into some very suggestive dreams.

  
  
  


When morning arrived, Victor was thankful he was an early riser slipping into the shower to take care of himself.  He could still feel Dream Yuuri all over him.

 

* * *

  
  
  


Victor was distracted at practice much to Yakov’s irritation.  After, he met Yuuri and Phichit for a late lunch.  “Did you get ice time?”

 

“At another rink but yes.  How did your’s go?” Yuuri’s hand guided Victor into the raman place and ordered for them without thinking.

 

“Fine,” he answered, accepting the dish.  Victor then excused himself to the facilities.  When he returned, he frowned as he spotted blond curls and a casual stance at their table.  Victor moved pointedly next to Yuuri and found himself glaring daggers at the presumed competition.  Chris looked at him with amusement but didn’t comment leaving Victor seething.

 

“I look forward to seeing you skate,” Chris said directly to Victor.

 

“Thank you.”  He couldn’t keep the sulk out of his voice.  Victor shifted uncomfortably and felt Yuuri’s hand moving to settle him.  It wasn’t chastising, just comforting.

 

Turning back to Yuuri, he continued his conversation.  “We should have lunch one day while here and I can tell you about my classes.  I know you were waffling on majors.”

 

Phichit arched an eyebrow and looked pointedly from one to the other.  “You are not stealing my partner in crime!” he declared.

 

Chris laughed and Yuuri smirked.  “I think I’m going with the option we talked about over the summer.  However, I am still taking computer course with app design so easy to get into these days.”

 

“What option?” Victor asked curiously unable to help himself although quite annoyed that Chris knew about it first.

 

“Coaching and choreography.”

 

Victor frowned thoughtfully.  “So apps and coaching...like a pocket coach for when you have to work in a different location from your coach.”

 

Yuuri gaped at Victor.  Phichit looked intrigued.  Chris tilted his head curiously as he watched the two interact.

 

“That’s...not a bad idea, actually,” Yuuri stated.

 

Phichit picked up from there already brainstorming on the uses.  “We could begin with a social networking option where skaters can communicate with their coaches and perhaps each other to collaborate and improve the sport.”

 

“It would need some privacy protocols,” Yuuri pointed out.

 

“Of course.  Then if we can work in some sensors.”

 

Victor’s eyes widened as the two started geeking out on the idea going so far as to take some napkins and sketch out the program basics.

 

“I think you lost them,” Chris announced dryly.  Victor glanced towards him and frowned.  The other man chuckled and waved at the two friends bent over the napkin.  “Later, gentlemen.”

  
  


* * *

  
  


Last to skate, Victor finished his short program breathless.  He had pushed himself hard using his jealousy towards Chris as a catalyst.  Chris had hung out with them off and on since the raman shop and there was a level of comfort between the two men that made Victor nervous.   _ What if they really do like each other? _

 

He began analyzing their time together while waiting for his score.   _ Yuuri touches me casually more but he doesn’t move to make it more intimate. _ He finished in a solid third position.  Yuuri had first, Chris second, and Phichit fourth.  Strange the four men spending time together held the top positions.

 

Victor also walked in on several heavy conversations between Yuuri and Chris making Victor feel like he was intruding.  They never pushed him away but they did quickly change the topic if he remained.  Something was definitely going on between them and it didn’t include him.

 

* * *

  
  
  


Yuuri looked up as Chris strolled into the dining room.  “How’s it going?”

 

“Lawrence finally managed to see my program.  Too many storms affecting telecommunications lately.”

 

“You seem much happier and together since you started dating him.”

 

Chris smiled, his lips soft and warm.  “It’s interesting...when you find someone who respects you and treats you as a human while still giving you the support you need as a submissive.”

 

Yuuri sipped his tea thoughtfully.  “I want that person.”

 

“I think you found him already,” Chris pointed out.

 

Yuuri shrugged.  “He’s gave me no signals to move forward.”

 

“Besides metaphorically sending you himself gift wrapped in a box,” Chris pointed out in a wry voice.

 

“That’s not...what he meant.  Why do you make everything sound dirty?”

 

Chris snorted.  “I wasn’t but interesting that your mind took you there.”

 

Yuuri’s cheeks flamed up.  “He ran last time.”

 

“You and I both know why he ran.”

 

Yuuri shook his head.  “It’s too soon.”

 

* * *

  
  


Victor moved onto the ice to skate  _ The Vampire’s Waltz  _ his eyes resting on Yuuri in challenge.  He teased Yuuri constantly with his hypnotic dance, the costume embracing the femme side of Victor while still maintaining masculine strength.  Yuuri was mesmerized with each movement pulling at his desires.  Thankfully, he was wearing a dance belt.

 

Victor didn’t fare much better through Yuuri’s tango.  He watched with rapt attention, the audience fading away into the background as Yuuri teased and tempted with his dance.  _  It’s almost as if he’s dancing for me but it’s probably like that for everyone here.   _ Still, Victor found himself shifting uncomfortably, an unfamiliar fire teasing his senses.

 

Yuuri’s performance took gold, pushed Victor out of position for bronze as Phichit’s freeskate had scored just above the Russian’s, who finished fourth.  The younger man was delighted as he was watched Yuuri bend to receive the gold medal.  Next to him stood Chris who proudly sported his silver.  Victor’s eager smile cracked as Yuuri dipped down to hear something Chris said and crumbled as Yuuri laughed outright.  Victor turned away, no longer desiring to watch any more.

 

Interviews took forever especially when the teen wanted nothing more than to escape.  The normally charming demeanour of the  _ Darling of Russia _ had faded into a sullen child.  Fortunately the press focused on what they interpreted to be his disappointment as the sole representative of Russia in the division, and not the heartache that was evident to his coach.  When Yuuri contacted him for dinner that night, Victor begged off with a headache.  Curling around Mr. Darcy alone in, he let his emotions settle on him, tears falling quietly as he stared into the darkness of his lonely hotel room.

 

* * *

  
  


Yuuri frowned at the excuse Victor sent in his refusal.  “I think I made him mad again,” he muttered in irritation.

 

Chris peeked over at the message and laughed.  “He’s just feeling pangs of jealousy.  Completely unnecessary pangs I should add.”

 

“I just want us to move past this.”

 

Chris raised an eyebrow.  “Well, if someone would give him no reason to doubt, then perhaps you could.”

 

Yuuri looked at their messages, even earlier ones.  Moving from playful, to flirty, to friendly, then the last one, a headache.   _ No, he is pushing me away.  If he says no, I have to respect that. _  Yuuri put his phone away.  They had an exhibition skate then a banquet to get through and at the moment, Yuuri was feeling a bit headachy and tired himself. Had he been more focused he would have seen the signs of an oncoming panic attack.

  
  
  


Yuuri embraced the dramatic light as he moved into the soulful notes of  [ May it Be ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XOykCYDMKBs) as he skated promises and encouragement reaching towards Victor, standing in the shadows.  He had been disappointed when Victor decided not to take part in the exhibition and felt guilty about his thoughts the previous evening.  Victor appeared pale, his expression pinched.  So Yuuri danced for him, across the ice, songs that shook away the the shadows and the promise of sun in the future. He didn’t know if Victor caught his message, but he felt a distance between him.  All he could do is hold out his hand.  And wait.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Victor packed Mr. Darcy harshly as he dashed more tears away.  Memories from the previous night at the banquet flooded his thoughts; memories of Yuuri watching him with smoldering eyes over his drink and talking with his friends, the energy buzzing around.  Phichit helping pull Victor from his retreat, almost hiding behind his teammate.  Talking to Yuuri in stunted sentences, not connecting.  Victor finally working up the courage to demand a dance and Yuuri’s arms pulling him firmly into his embrace, the passion building between them as they moved through a tango into something slower, one dance leading into the next, neither breaking contact, Victor lifting his chin for a kiss that both could nearly taste only for Yuuri to beg off.  Victor stood confused and hurt, watching Yuuri walk out of the banquet hall followed by Phichit and Chris, not returning for the evening.   _ I’m a child in his eyes.  That’s all there ever was.  I’ll go back to Russia, he’ll go back to Detroit, and that’s it.  The end. _

 

* * *

 

 

[ Say Something ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BmErRm-vApI)

 

Yuuri watched Victor avoid his eyes and ducking down before turning to leave with the other Russians.  He knew he hurt Victor once more.  How can he explain his own ghosts when he hasn’t even put words to it?  A hand on his shoulder caught his attention an arm around his waist pulled him another direction.  Chris and Phichit...they had become his anchors.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Chris asked quietly.

 

“I don’t even know where to begin.”

 

Phichit watched the car pull away and none of them missed the blue eyes that finally looked out the back window into their direction.  “What about the moment that triggered the panic attack?”

 

Yuuri could see the moment clearly, Victor beautiful in the soft light, his small form pressed against Yuuri’s, his pale pink lips...Yuuri had so wanted to taste, then the memories flooded at him, he pulled back and dropped Victor’s arms stepping away, the hurt that clearly registered in Victor’s eyes even as he fought to quell the memories of a darker kiss forced upon him in the dead of night by an intruder in his bed.  “I couldn’t let him see me like that...but I think I hurt him profoundly.  I need to get past this if I’m going to ever have a relationship.”  He blinked back his tears.  “And I want one.  With him.”  He turned to the other two, his head dropping.  “Do you think I ruined it?”

 

Chris studied the wake of the van that took the Russians from them.  “I honestly don’t know.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it was going so well....


	8. Love the Way You Lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter Masha...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the beginning, I didn't have a plan to have a huge Masha presence in this story. However, I'm in 21 and he's still there. So as much as I want to wrap my baby Vitya in a glittering fuzzy blanket and protect him, he's got a journey ahead of him. I do promise a happy ending. I'm a strong believer in happy endings. This will not change! But for now, dig out your fuzzy blankets and all of your cuddly things because things will get a bit dark.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Yuuri talks briefly about his experiences with his ex-boyfriend. It is not detailed.

* * *

 

[ Love the Way You Lie ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqNc2cLFfBA)

 

  


Yuuri sadly looked at the rabbit he picked out.  He could stand there second guessing himself all day, but he knew he was going to go ahead and send it.  Victor may send it right back.  He may drop it into a nearby trash can.  But Yuuri will send it.  He _had_ to send it.

 

He kissed the rabbit and smoothed its ears down, the irony that this kiss he could handle not lost on him.   He settled it into the tissue paper.  He then picked up the handmade card with koi fish folded through intricate [ origami ](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/8a/5e/2f/8a5e2f61569dc4e615908d7e1a57d079--origami-fish-money-origami.jpg) .  Phichit had watched his careful fingers move to create the folds.  Tucked around the rabbit’s neck was a necklace with the [ kanji ](https://www.thoughtco.com/how-to-write-love-in-japanese-kanji-4079906)for romantic love written on it.

 

“He’s not going to understand,” Phichit murmured, knowing his friend was setting himself up for heartbreak.  “You’re speaking in different languages.  Literally.”  Yuuri shrugged, too much sadness settled around his shoulder.  “Are you prepared for him not to respond to your confession?” Phichit asked gently.

 

Yuuri shrugged.  “I deserve no less.  I wrecked everything.  My anxiety…”

 

“He knows you have anxiety.  I’ve heard you tell him myself.  Why couldn’t you tell him?”

 

Yuuri studied his hands blinking sadly.  “It’s what’s behind the panic...to know that I allowed... _that_...over so many months.”

 

“Oh, honey!”  Phichit’s arms wrapped around him hugging him close.  “You didn’t allow it, Yuuri.  It was forced on you.”  When Phichit learned the truth about Yuuri’s first relationship through the tears of the last few days, he realized why Yuuri stayed away from relationships.  And now it was becoming a roadblock to the formation of the current one, the one he so desperately wanted.  “You need to at least talk to a counselor about it.  Or your psychiatrist back home.”

 

Yuuri leaned into Phichit’s embrace and his body shook as he wept.  Finally, he set up and wiped his tears.  Taking a deep breath, he murmured, “I’m ready,” and reached for his phone.  He scrolled through his contacts and found the number he knew so well.

 

“Sasaki-sensei’s office.  How may we help you?” the voice greeted in Japanese.

 

Slipping easily into his mother-tongue, he answered, “I am Katsuki Yuuri and I’m abroad but will be in Japan at the end of the month.  I was hoping to set up an appointment with Sasaki-sensei.  I’m unavailable on December 24 thru 28 but otherwise, I can work around those days.”

 

The reception could sense his distress.  “Do you need an immediate appointment?  I can work you in on the eighteenth.”

 

Yuuri pulled out his tickets and studied the dates.  It would be the day after he arrived but he could make it.  “Yes, put me down, please,” he responded.

 

“She will see you at ten, Katsuki-san.”

 

Yuuri looked up from the call, he met Phichit’s eyes.  “If I want this, I have to make the next move.”

 

Phichit watched Victor with worry.  “You need to talk to him.”

 

“I want...to know what I’m facing first.”

 

Phichit sighed.  Stubborn!Yuuri was not his favorite Yuuri.

 

* * *

  


Victor cried more than he’d cried in a long time and the entire Russian figure skating team were up in arms as well as half of the hockey team through Pyotr’s brother.  Yakov was pissed but had to restore order.  Nationals were just around the corner.  It was Lilia that pulled him back together.  “You have pain...we all do.  Use that.  Make something beautiful in its brokenness.”

 

 _Dark Eyes_ became haunting as he adjusted the choreography for his next performance.   _The Vampire’s Waltz_ became tortured.  The unspoken pain of his motions struck everyone at the rink as they stopped to watch him practice the programs.  He arrived and left practice in a haze of heartbreak, losing himself in one book after another as he rode the bus to his apartment complex.

 

He had his head buried in his latest book as he stepped off the bus one evening when he felt himself shoved to the ground.  The movement was so startling that he didn’t have time to catch himself before hitting the ground hard.  Someone grabbed at the messenger bag slung over his arm but then abandoned him as someone started shouting.

 

“Are you okay?”  The warm words were accompanied by hands that helped him move into a seated position.

 

Victor stretched his arms out then looked at his hands.  “Maybe a little rumpled and bruised.  But I’ve taken worse on the ice,” he stated as he allowed the man to help him up.  He looked up at the concerned eyes.   _Tall!_  Victor took a startled intake of breath as he felt a hand smooth a strand of hair back behind his ear.

 

“Do you live near here?”

 

Victor nodded, his eyes wide.  “Not too far.  Across from the park.”

 

“Allow me to see you home, then, if you don’t mind.  I would never forgive myself if I didn’t know that you were safe.”

 

“Of course, umm...I didn’t catch your name,” Victor stated, tugging at the ends of his braid.

 

“Mikhail Volkov.  And yours?”

 

Victor smiled bashfully.  “Victor Nikiforov.”

 

“Lovely,” Mikhail breathed, his fingers brushing down the side of Victor’s cheek.

 

Victor could feel the blush rising up in them under the fixed regard this man lavished on him.  A guiding hand directed Victor forward and they fell in step as they walked towards the building.  Victor grew nervous as they drew near.   _Should I invite him up?_  Mikhail drew to a stop in front of the building.

 

“Is this it?”

 

“Yes...I live here with my dog Makkachin.”

 

“Oh, I love dogs!  My work keeps me too busy to have one, though.”

 

“I have a dogsitter for when I travel, but I’ve had Makka since my mother passed away,” Victor murmured.  “I can’t imagine not having her around.”

 

“So you’re alone,” Mikhail established.  And Victor blinked in surprise at how easily he gave away that bit of information.

 

Shrugging, he recovered a little.  “Not exactly.  I have my coach and the other skaters.”

 

“Is that what you do?  Skate?  You look...forgive me...a bit too delicate for hockey.”

 

Victor laughed at that.  “No, not hockey.  I am a figure skater.  And we’re much stronger than people realize.  It takes a lot of strength, control, and flexibility.”

 

Mikhail smiled, charmed by this blue-eyed beauty.  “I’d love to see it.”

 

“I skate in the Nationals at the end of the month.”

 

“Then I’ll be watching,” the other man breathed.  “Would you mind...is it not too forward for me to ask your number?  I’d like to ask you out...on a proper date.”

 

“A date?” Victor started.  He didn’t know how he felt about that.  He was still raw from Yuuri...but it was nice to know someone found him attractive...someone actually saw him as an adult, as dateable.  And maybe that was why he did it.  Handing his phone over to the man unlocking it so that he could send a text to himself and gain his number.  They waved goodbye and Victor slipped into his building feeling his feet bouncing in excitement.  Someone wanted to go out.  With him!  He skipped into the elevator ignoring the looks from fellow athletes.  He danced down the hall to his room and opening the door, he scooped up Mr. Darcy then froze.  It was nice to be noticed...but Yuuri…

 

 _What if he doesn’t want you?_  The thought intruded and Victor felt his frown quiver and more tears found their way to the surface.  He cleared away his tears and lifted his chin resolutely.   _If Yuuri doesn’t want me, and he’s made it clear he doesn’t, then I’ll be with someone who does._  He moved into the kitchen and poured a wineglass of sparkling water, picked up _Sense and Sensibility_ , and walked into the bathroom where he ran a tub full of bubbles and bath oil.  Reaching for a hair elastic, he pulled his hair up into a messy bun.  He needed to relax after his fall.  Settling the wooden [ tray ](http://zone1.mywonderlist.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Deluxe-Bathtub-Caddy.jpg)with the book prop across the expanse, he stepped into the hot water breathing a sigh of relief as he sank beneath the surface.  Soon he was lost in the pages as Margaret spilled about the mysterious Mr. F to Sir John and Mrs. Jennings.

  


* * *

  


**Japan**

 

Yuuri’s family noticed right away something was off in Yuuri.  He was despondent and withdrawn.  “What’s happened?” Mari asked going right to the point as they folded towels.

 

Yuuri shrugged.  “I’d rather not talk about it...but I’m going to see Sasaki-sensei tomorrow.  I...had a panic attack at the banquet.”

 

“Yuuriiii…” she sighed.

 

“I know.  I was well taken care of.  I just...need to work through this.”

 

“You don’t have to do this alone.  All of us are willing to help you.”

 

He shook his head pushing her away once more.  Finally, she dropped the topic.  If he wasn’t seeing Sasaki, she’d perhaps push more.  For now, she let it go.

 

The next day he walked into the familiar space and Sasaki was preparing him a cup of tea as he entered her office.  She turned and handed him a cup motioning towards the chair in the office.  “I was surprised to see your name on my appointments for today.  Is something wrong with your medications?”

 

Yuuri watched her arrange her feet beneath her.  He took a similar position.  She always encouraged him to be comfortable with her.  Today was no different.  Studying his cup of tea, he responded with a quiet “no”.  Her eyes watched him with concern as she waited for him to open up.  Years of working with him gave her the experience she needed to let him unravel his thoughts.  “I just...I think...something happened to me.  It was a while ago while I was still living at home...my last year in school.  And I think I just ignored it, thinking it would go away.”

 

He fell quiet and Sasaki knew he needed prompting.  “This something...has it recently resurfaced?”

 

Yuuri nodded.  “There’s this boy...you know I like boys, don’t you?”  He looked up gauging her response.  She smiled encouragingly.  He then continued.  “I’ve been wanting to date him, but something kept holding me back.  I thought it was his age, and maybe that’s part of it.”

 

“Is he young?”

 

“He was only eighteen when we met a year ago.  He’ll turn nineteen soon.”

 

“So not really too young,” she established.  Yuuri, at twenty-three, was still quite young himself.

 

Yuuri sighed and shook his head.  “I’ve been struggling with something in my past.  It’s been in the background, underneath the surface.  I acknowledged it was there and even talked about it with a friend.  I thought talking would help.  I’d get it out in the open then move past it.  But...it didn’t work.”

 

“What brought it to the surface?”

 

“Victor...that’s the boy I like...he wanted me to kiss him.  And...I wanted it, too...but then all of these memories came forward.  I...pushed him away.  I could feel the panic attack coming on.”

 

“That must have startled him,” Sasaki observed.  “Yuuri, what happened?”

 

“It...happened over time.  You see...the first boy I dated, I figured out he wasn’t the one I wanted to be with and broke it off.  Only, his parents threw him out.  So I talked my parents into letting him live with us until he graduated.  I thought...I was doing the right thing.”  Yuuri studied his hands around the teacup and then lifted it to take a sip to steady his nerves.  “He wanted...to continue our relationship.  When I kept pushing him away, he started sneaking into my room at night.”  Yuuri’s voice was so quiet she had to lean forward to listen, the secret tried to remain hidden in his heart but Yuuri needed to get it out.

 

“The first time, it was a kiss.  I woke up and pushed him away and asked him what he was doing.  We argued about it and he eventually went back to his room.  I thought it was over.”  Yuuri sighed.  “A few days later, I woke up with him in my bed.  He wasn’t doing anything, just sleeping.  When I asked him about it, he said he must have gotten turned around when he went to the bathroom in the middle of the night.  The next time, he said he thought he sleepwalked.  Then one night...I woke up to him touching me.  I…”  Yuuri felt the embarrassment rising up in his cheeks.  “I was hard, you know...I must have wanted it.  But...I didn’t ask for it.  We weren’t in that kind of relationship.”

 

Yuuri grew quiet, but Sasaki could tell there were still demons in his thoughts.  “Did he stay?”

 

Yuuri furrowed his brow.  “I didn’t know what to do, how to get rid of him.  I mean, I asked my parents to let him stay.  I couldn’t ask them to kick him out.  But...he kept climbing into my bed.  He kept...touching me.  He…”  Yuuri paused flicking his eyes towards her.  “The things he did...I don’t want to say in front of you,” he whispered.

 

Sasaki set her cup down and leaned towards Yuuri, holding out her hand to establish a connection.  He took it slowly.  “Yuuri, this is a safe place.  I’m not going to judge you.  If you can’t be comfortable talking to me about this, though, I can refer you to another counselor who is both male and gay that works with victims of sexual assault.”

 

Yuuri’s mouth opened in surprise.  “It wasn’t...I wasn’t…”  Yuuri felt his breathing quickening and the room becoming unfocused.   _Oh, shit!  It’s happening again!_  A voice started filtering through, slow and steady.

 

“Yuuri, you are safe here.  No one is going to hurt you.  I need you to focus on your breathing with me.  Breath in one two...now out one two...in...out...now tell me five things you see.”

 

Yuuri’s eyes darted around the room.  He croaked out, “Tea.”  The next few words came out a little easier with each word.  “You. Table. Chairs. Rug.”

 

She frowned at his near monosyllabic response.  “Close your eyes, Yuuri, and listen to my voice.  Are you with me?”

 

He nodded at first but knew that wasn’t acceptable.  “Yes, Sasaki-sensei.”

 

“Good.  Now tell me four things you smell.”

 

He breathed in the air around him searching out the scents and feeling his mind start to unlock as he did so.  “Cinnamon and cloves...that’s the tea.  Chai, maybe.  Something floral, maybe cherry blossoms.  Books, not new from the store but older like they’ve been kept on a shelf.”

 

“Can you give me one more, Yuuri?”

 

“Mint...I think you’re growing some in the window.”

 

“Good...very good so far.  Tell me three things you hear.”

 

Yuuri refocused his mind.  “The aquarium...it hums and I think I hear bubbles in the water.  There’s a drip in the sink...it’s intermittent, two drips, pause, then another.  Wind...through the bare branches outside.”

 

“You’re doing great.  Give me two things you feel.”

 

“The soft cotton of my shirt and the worn leather of the chair.”

 

“And one good thing about yourself.”

 

This one was always the hardest.  “I...I…”  He opened his eyes, tears glittering.  “I hurt him...I couldn’t talk about what happened.  He just wanted to kiss me...and I wanted to kiss him, too.  But...I couldn’t.  Not with so many images crowding me.”

 

She squeezed his hand.  “Did you talk with him afterwards, once the panic attack subsided?”

 

Yuuri shook his head.  “I...let him go.”

 

The only betrayal of her reaction was a slight tightening of her lips.  “Yuuri, I’m going to refer you to a friend of mine, the one I spoke of...Hashimoto.  It’s not that I’m not willing to treat you for this.  I just don’t think you will open up to me in the way that you need.”

 

“It was not…”

 

“Hashimoto works with people who struggle with various forms of sexual trauma.  I think...given your reaction...that we can at least establish that there was some trauma involved.”

 

Yuuri hesitated before giving a tiny whispered, “yes.”

 

She let go of his hand and moved behind her desk to dig out a card.  “This is his number, but I want you to wait so that I can make an appointment for you.”  When he looked at her in surprise, she added, “I know you.  You will take the card then ‘forget’ to make that appointment.”  He couldn’t argue with her.  She pulled out her phone and made the call.

 

Yuuri walked over the window as he waited, seeing the seagulls fighting the winter wind.  He heard her disconnect and call him over.

 

“He wants to see you this afternoon.  Why don’t you get some lunch and take a walk?  His office is two blocks away and he has a spot for you at one thirty.”

 

Yuuri took a deep breath and released it.  He came to get help...if this was his best course of action, then he’d take it.  “Thank you,” he murmured with a bow.

 

“Of course, Yuuri.  You know I’m here if you need me.”

 

Yuuri walked along the pier while he waited for his appointment, contemplating those words.   _Sexual assault.  Was I assaulted?  I didn’t consent but he didn’t physically hurt me._  Those words continued to torment him as his steps took him to the building that held the other therapist.

 

The building was unassuming, similar to the one that held Sasaki-sensei’s office.  Hashimoto-sensei was on the second floor, a corner office.  As he stepped into the space, he was warmed by pictures of Hashimoto and his partner openly displaying their relationship.

 

“Good afternoon, Yuuri-san.  I know it’s exhausting to have two sessions in one afternoon but I understood from Sasaki-san that you are only in the country for a short period of time.”

 

“I return for my classes in mid-January but I have a competition around Christmas.”

 

“We can work with this, and when you return to Detroit, I have a friend, a counselor by the name of Cara that will be able to take care of you.  We attended university together and I’ve known her several years.”

 

“Your partner...he’s American?”

 

“Yes, that’s right.  I studied in the states.  But I wanted to come back here because...someone needs to change the face of psychology in Japan and make it more openly accepted.  This is how Sasaki-san and I became acquainted.  Similar philosophies.”

 

“That’s why I always felt comfortable with her.  She didn’t treat my anxiety like...I was mentally weak.”

 

“I’ve found that every human being has something they struggle with.  Without struggle we can’t create something beautiful.”

 

Yuuri smiled at that thought, something he understood because of the struggle on ice.  Taking a deep breath, he decided to talk to this man.  “I think...I was sexually assaulted, Hashimoto-sensei.”

 

“Then let’s talk about it.  Because if you think you were, then you were.  And sometimes when you don’t think so as well.”

 

“When Sasaki-sensei first mentioned it, I couldn’t accept it...but as I walked around thinking about her words, I realized...I never consented to his touching me, kissing me.  We had broken up.”  Yuuri found that once he started talking, he couldn’t stop and something about Hashimoto put him at ease.  He poured out every detail, the unwanted touches all the way to the final moment that led to his sister intervening.  He didn’t think his parents knew but he did know that he had to stop Mari from “letting Grandfather deal with him.”  Yuuri was wrung out when he finished, leaning over with his elbows on his knees, heaving from all of the shed tears.  Finally, he looked up and said, “I was sexually assaulted.”

 

“Yes, you were.  Now let’s see if we can help you move past it.”  Hashimoto laid out a detailed calendar of protocols.  “It’s called  EMDR.  It’s aggressive but we can cover a lot of ground quickly...and you don’t have to constantly rehash what happened.  We’ll work with your triggers and...desensitize you to them.”

 

“What if I find more triggers?”

 

“There will be times where we might have to do a brief EMDR series to assist you through those as well but once we lay out the baseline, those will be quicker.  And Cara is trained in this treatment as well.  You will like her.”

 

“I had trouble...talking about these things with Sasaki-sensei.”

 

“Sometimes it’s hard when there is an established relationship in place.  Cara is very straight-forward.  And if you are not comfortable with her, she will refer you to someone that you will be comfortable with.”

 

Yuuri walked out with his schedule.  He’d have to take the train to Fukuoka three to four times a week but he felt hopeful.  He was moving forward.

 

* * *

  


Victor squeaked in excitement when he was asked out on a date.   _A real date!  With a man...tall, dark, handsome...with smoldering gray eyes._  He clutched Douglas to his chest, Mr. Darcy now sitting on a shelf abandoned for the moment.  “Mama, he’s so beautiful...and kind...and he rescued me.  Those men could have really hurt me.  He was so attentive.”  He babbled on excitedly.

 

Mikhail picked him up at six sharp and guided him into his black sedan.  Reaching over, he fastened Victor’s seatbelt as the younger man took in the details, leather interior well maintained, no hint of dirt or grime.  This man had an attention to detail that made Victor’s senses tingle.

 

Victor grew more excited as they pulled up to the [ Palkin ](https://www.tripadvisor.com/Restaurant_Review-g298507-d1105996-Reviews-Palkin-St_Petersburg_Northwestern_District.html).  He’d wanted to try this restaurant out but it was too fancy for a night on his own.  Mikhail opened the door for him and led him inside.  They were taken to a table off to itself, offering a seclusion and intimacy that the other patrons weren’t given.  Accepting the menus, Mikhail asked, “Do you mind if I order for the two of us?”

 

Victor, overwhelmed with the attention and the establishment, nodded excitedly.

 

“We’ll have the beet soup, rack of lamb, crepe suzette.  I think red wine, perhaps the Rioja reserva...or perhaps the Rhône.”  He paused to focus on Victor a moment.  “Wine is okay, isn’t it?”

 

“Of course,” Victor replied. _I’m an adult_ , he reminded himself.

 

As the date progressed, Victor warmed to the idea of being looked after and pampered for the evening.  Mikhail saw to his every need and after the second glass of wine, Victor found himself very relaxed and maybe a little tipsy.  Mikhai settled him back into the car once more fastening his seatbelt for him, his fingers sliding familiarly along Victor’s arm as he pulled back.

 

At Victor’s apartment, he walked the younger man to the door of the building, lifting his hand to his lips, he brushed a kiss over his fingers.  Victor’s soft gasp was telling as was the blush, although Victor partially blamed that on the wine.

 

“I had a great evening, Mikhail,” he murmured as the other man straightened.

 

“Masha...please.  And I did as well.  Perhaps we could do this again?”

 

“Yes, I’d like that,” he murmured, dropping his chin shyly.

 

Mikhail lifted his face and brushed a thumb over his lips.  “Until next time, then, my lovely.”

 

Victor’s lips parted in surprise and then Mikhail was gone, slipping into his car and driving off as Victor watched.   _Mama, I think I’m gone._

 

He could hear his mother’s voice, though, in the back of his thoughts.  “Be careful of knights in shining armor.  They sometimes hide who they are behind that mask.”  She was talking about his father.  Victor didn’t know why that came to mind.

 

* * *

  


The best part about Russian Nationals this year was that it was in St. Petersburg.  So he could sleep in his own apartment.  With Makkachin curled up around him.  At the moment, he was stretched out on his couch watching the Japanese Nationals streaming through his monitor, Makkachin draped over his bent legs.  It was his birthday and he didn’t have to skate for a change, his competition falling the day before and the day after.  He skimmed through Yuuri’s praise from the previous day’s performance.

 

**Yuuri/ You’ve made some changes!  I love the adjustments, the story is more...well, more.**

 

**Victor/ Lilia said to use what I was feeling rather than fight it.**

 

**Yuuri/ Are you okay?**

 

**Victor/ Holidays.**

 

It was a lie.  They both knew it...at least Victor figured they both knew it.  But neither pushed further.

 

A knock on the door pulled his attention from the old texts.  Going to the door, his eyes lit up.  “Georgi!”

 

“I am here to warn you others are on their way.  Oh, and here are some deliveries that were waiting for you downstairs.”  Victor took the two boxes  and set them on his bed.  Then the flowers...a half dozen deep red roses...from the other arm.  “Those are beautiful.  Anyone I know?” Georgi prodded.

 

Victor blushed.  “No...not yet.  Maybe he’ll show tomorrow.  We’ll see.”  A look passed over Georgi’s face but he nodded.  Victor ignored it and pulled the card free, blushing as he hid it to his chest.

 

Soon the door rang again and Mila, Katya, and Pyotr arrived.  Food started to fill the kitchen and Victor pulled out the table that he kept folded in the corner.  He was surprised by more gifts being added to the pile on his bed.  Dmitry and Ivan appeared next.  Yakov and Lilia arrived last with Yuri in tow.  The tiny apartment was full to the brim with people all talking warmly towards the pale blond, hugging him, and showering him with love.

 

It wasn’t until much later after everyone left that he was able to process the gifts.  He worked through the safe presents first, the ones from friends...although the fact that they came and celebrated with him was plenty.  Still, new skate guards with poodles on them was nice, too.

 

The two boxes that came up with Georgi were last.  He knew Yuuri’s handwriting and after the flowers, knew Masha’s.  He was torn as to which to open first.  Glancing towards the poodle who stood up on the couch with front paws on the back to get the best view and asked, “What do you think?”  The dog boofed in response.  Victor frowned.  “Save Yuuri’s for last?  I think you’re right.”

 

He reached for Masha’s first.  Breaking through the tape, he pulled apart the paper without ceremony.  His mouth fell open in surprise and confusion.  The note inside said, “It reminded me of you.  I hope you like it.”   The rabbit was dressed in a suit with tails and a flower in its lapel.  A top hat sat on his head.  It had a certain cheap elegance and sophistication that made Victor shift on his toes uncomfortably.  “This reminds me of that one ad that I posed for,” he said to Makkachin.  “Fun while it was happening but not really me.  I guess we just met, though.  And I do put on costumes for a living.”  Makka whined and knocked the box the rabbit had arrived in off the bed.  Victor placed the rabbit on his pillow, away from Makka, and quickly tapped out a note of thanks for the roses and the gift.

 

Setting his phone aside, he picked up the other box with shaky hands.  He could feel tears threatening as he started to pull the tape away.  Inside, he spotted the card first.  Two koi fish carefully formed out of paper curving into one another’s space.  The flap opening the card went up through the middle.  He opened it and spotted words he couldn’t make out in Japanese but figured the words that followed were a translation.

 

_Vitya ~_

 

_I know you are mad at me and I don’t blame you.  I’m sorry.  I never meant to hurt you.  Everything...all of it...it’s me.  My mess ups.  My hangups.  But I’ll always encourage you and support you.  I’m here if you need me.  Just reach out._

 

_In friendship,_

 

_Yuuri_

 

Victor studied the hesitation marks in friendship.   _Would you catch me if I fell?  All I get from you is hurt.  Because you are such an old man, you only see a child._

 

He unraveled the tissue paper, though, and felt his heart breaking open.   _Dammit, Yuuri!_  This rabbit was Yuuri to the letter...blue glasses, brown eyes...a peacoat for the cold weather and dark blue scarf.  It wasn’t made by Yuuri’s hand but he knew that Yuuri took some time to find it.  As his hands strayed to the card, he saw the block letters YK next to the koi fish.   _Oh...you made the card._  He felt the tears spill over and he wiped it away with a muttered, “Dammit, Yuuri!”

 

Lifting it out of its box, he didn’t notice the chain dislodging and disappearing into the bedding.  As he settled the other rabbit on the pillow, he looked from one to the other.  “I guess...the one from Masha is Willoughby because he is comfortable with me as I am and wants to be with me now.  Yuuri’s rabbit has to be Col. Brandon...because you really are an old man sometimes, Yuuri.”

 

It was hours later, after Victor finally watched the streams of the Japanese Nationals and watched Yuuri stand proudly on the podium, after Victor commented to Makka on how sad and haunted he appeared and wondered if he was as affected by what happened at the banquet as Victor, after Victor changed into his pajamas and determined who would remain on his bed and who would sit on his shelf...Victor snapped a picture of himself holding Col. Brandon in his lap, his hair tangled and loose, the shoulder of his shirt slipping a little past his collarbone on one side, sitting in the middle of his bed.

 

**Victor/ Thank you, Yuuri.  You always pick good gifts.**

 

**Yuuri/ You’re important to me and worth the time it takes to find the right gift.**

 

**Victor/ Col. Brandon will now have to compete with Mr. Darcy.**

 

**Yuuri/ Col. Brandon, huh?  I know you’ve been reading Sense and Sensibility.  Is she still with the wicked Willoughby?**

 

**Victor/ Is he wicked?  Or just misunderstood.**

 

**Yuuri/ I think you know the answer to that.**

 

**Victor/ Are you...okay?**

 

**Yuuri/ Why do you ask?**

 

**Victor/ I saw you skate...beautiful...but you seem sad.**

 

**Yuuri/ You saw right through me, didn’t you?  I can’t stand it when you’re mad at me.  I’m trying.  I really am.**

 

**Victor/ Maybe...I’m not so mad at you now.**

  


* * *

  


Victor’s performance was flawless, and naturally he received the gold.  He found himself swept up into the accolades and hugs by his friends.  He even received a pat on the back by Yakov, whom Victor swung around and hugged in return gaining a grunt from the old man.  “Thank you, Yakov,” he murmured next to the old man’s ear.  “I know I’m not easy.”

 

“You’ll do fine, Vitya.  You’ll do fine.”

 

Victor heard a friendly voice from the stands and turned in surprise to see the now familiar, handsome face.  “Masha!” he squealed, his hands going to his face covering his nose and mouth in excitement.  Mikhail leaned over the rail and offered him a long-stemmed red rose.  Victor took it, their fingers lingering together for a moment, and brought it to his nose to smell.

 

Yakov frowned as he watched the exchange.  Pyotr’s eyes narrowed as his arm went instinctively around his partner Katya.  Nothing really happened...nothing they could put their fingers on or mention...but neither of the men were happy about Victor’s new boyfriend.  Something just felt...wrong.

 

Later, Victor brought Mikhail with him as they met the others for dinner.  “This is Mikhail Volkov,” he introduced.  A shadow passed over Yakov’s expression then it was gone as he remembered and quickly forgot something his nephew, the cop, had told him.

 

Katya held out her hand and stated kindly but with an edge, “I don’t believe we’ve met and I thought I knew all of Victor’s friends.”

 

“We only recently met.”  His voice held a frost equal to hers, but it wasn’t caught by Victor’s ears.

 

“He rescued me,” Victor added quickly.  “I was about to be mugged on the way home.”

 

“In this neighborhood?” Pyotr asked in surprise, turning a narrowed gaze towards Yakov.  The old man definitely looked troubled.  Victor caught the shared glance and took it as the threat of muggers in the neighborhood, though.

 

“Times are hard,” Mikhail stated.  “It sometimes makes them stray into nicer districts.”

 

As they settled down to eat, Victor started to order Chicken Parmigiana, a bit higher in calories but this was a celebration.  Mikhail leaned in and murmured, “Are you sure you want to do that, _lyubov moya_?  I’d hate to see all of that hard work you put into keeping your figure go to waste.”

 

That drug a scathing look from Katya and it took a stilling hand from Pyotr to keep her in her chair.  He saw what she didn’t catch, the tone of the voice wasn’t suggestive, nor was the hand placed over Victor’s comforting.  It didn’t help that Victor changed his order and quietly agreed that Mikhail was right.

 

* * *

  


After dinner, everyone parted into smaller parties and Victor left with Mikhail.  Pyotr invited Georgi, Dmitry and Ivan over after they dropped Mila off at her parents’ house.  Yakov and Lilia took Yuri home with them, the blond said it first.  “Why is he with that asshole?”

 

Lilia patted Yuri’s head but shared a look with her husband.  “Sometimes when we are young we don’t make good decisions.”

 

“Why don’t you just tell him that guy is bad news?” he demanded.

 

Yakov shook his head.  “It’s not so easy.  Vitya...he hasn’t had a lot of love since his mother has passed away.  I’m afraid...if I push too hard, he’ll run the other direction.”

 

Yuri frowned at this announcement.  “So we have to just...let him?”

 

Lilia sighed.  “I’m afraid so.”

 

In a living room not far away, five friends converged to also talk about Vitya.  “He’s so flighty...maybe this will blow over,” Ivan declared.

 

Dmitry shook his head.  “He’s not so flighty...not really.  He wants to be in love.  We’ve all been there.  It makes him vulnerable.”

 

“And that vulture just swooped in to grab him,” Katya declared angrily.  “Did you see how he treated him at dinner?  Sneaky bastard!”

 

“There is something about him, though, that has Yakov spooked,” Pyotr pointed out.

 

Georgi nodded.  He’d been strangely quiet.  Observing and taking it all in.  “Mikhail Volkov.  You should know that name.  It’s been in the headlines a few times.  The last name, that is.  He’s...got family connections...and not the good kind.”

 

“Shit!” Dmitry and Ivan both cursed at the same time.  Dmitry continued, “So what do we do?”

 

“Keep our eyes open and look for an opportunity,” Pyotr said quietly.  “We can’t push too hard.  Vitya’s got his blinders up.  He’ll run to him for sure if we try to force them apart.”

 

Georgi thinned his lips.  “What about Katsuki?”

 

“Oh, my god!  I can’t believe you brought that bastard up!” Ivan ground out.  “It’s probably his fault Victor was such an easy mark.”

 

Georgi studied his hands.  He knew Katsuki and the things going around among his rinkmates didn’t ring true.  But for the moment, he’d keep it to himself...and one other person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for your wonderful attention to my story, BluSkates and Magrathea! The running joke is that Victor's wedding vows will include the phrase "Dammit, Yuuri!"
> 
> Also, I'm planning on a fluffy story on the conclusion of Semicolon to balance this out. And some fluffy LL OneShots.
> 
> Make sure you're subscribed to the series! BluSkates has taken on the Masha perspective starting with [Sense and Sensibility](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13205118)!


	9. The Mess I Made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri’s learns of Mikhail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so in love with this story that I just wrote chapter 24...there is a light at the end of the tunnel even though you are just passing through it.
> 
> Thanks so much for your proof reads and edits, BluSkates and Magrathea. They are greatly appreciated.
> 
> Now...on to the story...

* * *

 

* * *

[ The Mess I Made ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSapz4iH_68)

 

 

The first time he saw Victor interact with the taller man was on the streaming video of his Nationals.  He thought he must be mistaken, inferring a relationship when he saw Victor accept the rose from what appeared to be a fan, but fingers lingered too long.  Then he saw pictures of them together on social media...Victor leaning into his space...the other man brushing a kiss into Victor’s hair...the two of them out dancing.  Yuuri obsessively flipped through the pictures two more times before he paused and took a good look at the man.  Older, probably by at least ten years.  Possessive, based on his body language.  Yuuri bristled, but then narrowed his eyes as he studied a particularly clear image.   _ That face...it’s familiar.  Where have I seen it? _

  
  


**Yuuri/ Who is he seeing?**

 

**Georgi/ I wondered how long it would take you.**

 

**Yuuri/ ???**

 

**Georgi/ Mikhail Volkov.**

 

**Yuuri/ That sounds familiar.**

 

**Georgi/ If you lived in SP, you’d know the last name for sure.  Bratva.  I don’t know if he’s involved or not but I wouldn’t be surprised.**

 

**Yuuri/ Does Victor know?**

 

**Georgi/ No one wants to tell him.  Everyone thinks that it will make it worse.  It’s like he’s rebelling or something.**

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri frowned.   _ This is my fault because I hurt him.  I pushed him away and right into the path of this man.  _  He rattled through the keys of his computer and opened a chatroom, sending the link to his closest friends.

 

**[PANDAMONIUM ROOM]**

 

**Yuuri/ I fucked up.**

 

**Takeshi/ Now he admits it.  Finally.**

 

**Phichit/ It’s okay...we’ve all known you were fucked up all along.  We still love you.**

 

**Yuuri/ Thanks...I think.**

 

**Chris/ Can we change our names?**

 

**SexGod/ Yes!  Mission accomplished!**

 

**Peach/ I’m rolling my eyes so hard right now.**

 

**Yuuko/ I think we are losing focus on the real issue here.**

 

**Peach/ Hi, Tink!  It’s been ages!**

 

**Yuuko/ Oh, hi.  How are you?**

 

**Peach/ Getting ready to head back to Detroit.  New term coming up and 4CC.**

 

**Tink/ I figured it out!**

 

**Pan/ I guess I might as well join you all...anyway, back on topic.  Victor.  He’s dating someone.**

 

**Peach/ …**

 

**SexGod/ …**

 

**Pan/ You knew?**

 

**Peach/ We didn’t know how to tell you.**

 

**SexGod/ I heard from Pyotr and the guy makes you smell like roses.  They were upset with you after the banquet, but they’d take you over him in a heartbeat.**

 

**Pan/ So I can safely show my face around the Russian team again?**

 

**SexGod/ I wouldn’t go that far.  Yet.**

 

**TakeIce/ Wait.  Who’s Victor?**

 

**Tink/ Oh!My!God!  Do we not live in the same house and sleep in the same bed?**

 

**Peach/ TMI**

 

**SexGod/ Do tell…**

 

**Tink/ Hush, you.  Victor is the boy Yuuri’s been obsessing over for the last I don’t know three years?**

 

**Peach/ Sounds about right.**

 

**SexGod/ Three years, huh?  He WAS young.**

 

**Pan/ Shup!**

 

**SexGod/ :D**

 

**Peach/ So what are you going to do?**

 

**Pan/ I don’t know yet but I think I need to find out more about this guy.**

 

**Peach/ I’m in.  Send me what you have on him.**

 

**SexGod/ I’ll see what the Russians know.  I’m not as clearly established as being in your circle so they still talk to me.**

 

**Pan/ Good.  This room is locked and secure so we can come and go and leave information.**

 

**Tink/ How can we help?**

 

**Pan/ Ice time?**

 

**TakeIce/ Like you’ve ever felt the need to ask before.  Get your ass over here.**

 

**Pan/ Good because raiding the cabinets was plan B.**

 

**Tink/ Plan B never works...I have triplets to prove that.**

 

**Peach/ TMI**

 

**Pan/ TMI**

 

**SexGod/ :D**

 

* * *

 

Two hours on the ice and Yuuri was back in his room, Skype open to Phichit, headset and mic connected.  “I’m combing through social media pics to see how far this goes back,” Phichit stated from his end.  “Facial recognition software for the win!”

 

Yuuri dug through another firewall.  “Are you looking for both?”

 

“Do I  _ look  _ like an amateur?” Phichit responded with exaggerated offense.

 

“Fair point.  I’m looking through his financials.  They are real shady.”

 

“Did you expect otherwise?  I’m surprised he’s leaving a trail.”

 

Yuuri cleared his throat.  “Well...you know...I have other sources.”

 

“Of course.”  Silence stretched out for a while, and the only sound that could be heard was the tapping of keys on both end and an occasional sip from a mug.  “Hold on,” Phichit says suddenly.  A file was transferred to Yuuri.  Opening it, he saw Victor in street clothes but the background looked like a rink and Mikhail not too far behind.  “Did you say they just started seeing each other?”

 

Yuuri pinched his lips together before answering.  “According to social media and Chris’ Russian resources...and well, Georgi, yes.  Since the Grand Prix.”

 

“Well, this was taken at Cup of Russia.”

 

Yuuri frowned and then established video connection with Phichit.  “Are you fucking serious?”

 

“Completely.  Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

 

“Stalker,” Yuuri said, his voice bitter.  “He was just waiting for an opportunity.”  Yuuri stared at the picture not sure what to do at this point.  “Do I tell him?”

 

Phichit thinned his lips.  “Is he talking to you?”

 

“A little...but...I don’t know where we stand.  It’s real shaky.”

 

“Given what we’ve dug up, I think it wouldn’t hurt for you to visit your grandfather.”

 

_ Sofu.  Would you want to get involved in my affairs?  We try so hard to keep them separate.  But I need help. _

 

“I’ll contact him and see if he at least has some advice.”

 

“Good plan.  I’ve got to head out to practice.”

 

“I’m flying in two days.  See you soon.”

 

* * *

  
  


Yuuri stared at his phone as he considered a plan... _ something, anything _ .  Flipping through his contacts, his eyes rested on Georgi once more.  The only Russian that would take his calls and listen to him without first giving him an earful.

 

**Yuuri/ I found something disturbing.**

 

**Georgi/ What?!!**

 

**Yuuri/ There is a picture of Mikhail standing behind Victor at Cup of Russia.  They weren’t dating back then, were they?**

 

**Georgi/ No!  They met after the GPF disaster between the two of you.**

 

**Yuuri/ About that...you do know I have anxiety.**

 

**Georgi/ Yes. The press has been unkind about it often.**

 

**Yuuri/ Thanks.  But that night, I got triggered into a horrible memory.  I didn’t mean to push Victor away but I didn’t want him to see me like that.**

 

**Georgi/ Does he know?**

 

**Yuuri/ I’ve told him about my anxiety, but not the panic attack that night.**

 

**Georgi/ You should.  I don’t think he’s put two and two together.  He read that as rejection.**

 

**Georgi/ Do you think Volkov was stalking him?**

 

**Yuuri/ It wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened to one of us.**

 

**Georgi/ I just got chills, like someone walking over my grave.  Can you link me?  I want to show Yakov.**

 

**Yuuri/ I will...I don’t want to spook Victor.  But someone on your end needs to know.**

 

Yuuri studied the text messages feeling only slightly better.

 

* * *

  
  
  


Katsuki Takehiko looked up from his tea as his grandson was announced.  “Come, Yuuri. Join me.”

 

Yuuri bowed and then took a seat next to the older man.  “Sofu, how are you?”

 

“I’m doing well.  When do you go back to Detroit?”  He handed Yuuri a cup of tea.  “Your mother was good enough to send me her own blend of tea.”

 

“Mmm...good,” he answered in response to the tea before turning to the other question.  “I leave tomorrow.  I wanted to make it a point to see you before I left.”

 

“Good.”  He leaned forward and narrowed his eyes.  “So tell me why you’re really here.”

 

Yuuri sighed.  “I have a friend...and he may have gotten himself into trouble.  Do you know the name Mikhail Volkov?”

 

The old man frowned.  “I know the surname Volkov.  I have associates that have had run-ins with them.  St. Petersburg territory.”

 

“Exactly.  Well, my friend is dating him...and I’m worried.”

 

Takehiko took a drink from his cup before setting it down, his eyes on the cup as he considered his grandson’s words.  “Has your friend come to you for help?”

 

“No...not yet?”  Yuuri’s eyes darted down to his hands.  “I just...I’ve been digging around and I know this guy is bad for him.”

 

His grandfather studied the glasses on the tip of his nose a moment before speaking.  “Until your friend is ready to leave him, there’s not a whole lot to be done.  What I can do, however, is see what else we can learn about this man and perhaps put a pair of eyes on him.”

 

Yuuri nodded in acceptance.  “Thank you, Sofu.  I may be back to speak with you again on this matter.”

 

“I suspect you will.  This...friend...they are very important to you.”

 

Yuuri dropped his eyes but could feel the telling blush.  “Yes...he is.  Very.”

 

“Make sure you are operating out of his best interests, grandson...not yours.”

 

Yuuri looked up in surprise.  “I don’t want him hurt!”

 

“I agree...but if you also don’t want to lose him as a friend, you have to respect the other side of the matter.”  He studied his grandson a moment longer before adding, “If you want to catch Volkov, though...follow the money.  Just don’t forget the risk.”

 

Yuuri left lost in thought as he considered his grandfather’s words.   _ Am I doing this for my own sake or Victor’s? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes it seems certain things in life are predestined...like Yuuri and Victor misunderstanding one another...but that doesn't change the fact that Yuuri loves Victor. And we all know where Victor's true heart lies. But the path is set and we must journey through it. 
> 
> *restocks the cabinet with fuzzy blankets, chocolate, stuffed bunnies and bears, kittens, and poodles...no, I didn't put the kittens and poodles into the cabinet. That would be cruel!*


	10. Winter Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikhail shows more of his true colors.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: The first scene shows noncon/coercion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for editing my story, BluSkates and Magrathea!
> 
> Please heed the trigger warning. It's not detailed but there is enough that could cause triggering.

* * *

 

[ Winter Song ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=budTp-4BGM0)

 

Victor pouted prettily as they left the club.  “I need to go sleep.”

 

“It’s early, darling,” Mikhail teased him as he settled Victor into the car.  “Do you really want to go home?”

 

Victor looked up at him and smiled, his expression loose.  “Maybe...not?”  Rubbing his eyes, he stretched.  “I think the alcohols has made me sleepy, Masha.”

 

Mikhail patted him on the knee.  “Why don’t I take you to my place...so that I can watch over you,” he suggested easily.

 

Victor giggled.  “Oh, I can’t do that.”

 

“Of course you can.  I mean, you’re an adult.”

 

Victor nodded.  “That’s right.  I am.”  He closed his eyes as the hum of the engine lulled him into a sleep of sloshy dreams.  He felt the seatbelt dig into his chest as the car came to a stop and opened his eyes sleepily as Mikhail reached across his lap to unbuckle his belt.

 

“We’re home, love.  Let me get you inside.”  Victor noticed the hurried tone in Mikhail’s voice and frowned.

 

As Victor stepped out of the car he looked around confused.  “This isn’t my apartment.”

 

“I know, dearest.  You agreed to come home with me to let me watch over you.”  Mikhail’s voice lost the hurried tone and adopted something of a condescending paternal feel...which Victor disliked.

 

Victor shook his head to try and clear his muddled thoughts.  “I did?”

 

“Of course.  Come on.  I’ll take care of you.”  Mikhail already had his hand on Victor’s hand, the other on the small of his back, guiding him inside.

 

Victor looked around the room with a frown not sure what to do.  “I need to go see to Makkachin.”

 

“She’ll be fine until morning.  Now don’t be a baby,” he chastised before stepping into Victor’s space and lowering his voice to add, “Unless you want to be my baby.”

 

Victor’s lips parted in surprise which Mikhail took as an invitation.  Previous kisses were gentle, on the surface, always with permission.  This one was bruising, demanding, fingers snaking into his hair and tugging his head back, causing his mouth to open more, leading to a deeper invasion.  “Masha…” Victor whispered as he tried to find a foothold.

 

“I know,” he responded, his voice harsh and breathless.  “I want you, too.”

 

Victor blinked in surprise.   _ That’s not what I meant _ .  But before he could find his tongue to say just that, he was being pulled into Mikhail’s bedroom.

 

Modern, clean, everything in its place.

 

“You’ll sleep here,” Mikhail stated, motioning toward his bed.

 

Victor started.  “Where will you sleep?”

 

“Such a naive child.  Here, of course.”

 

“I don’t...can I just go home?”  Victor could feel tears stinging his eyes.  He didn’t like where this was headed.

 

“Not tonight, sweetheart.”

 

“It’s just...we’ve just met.  I’m not ready for this.”

 

“Don’t tell me this is your first time,” Mikhail pointed out.

 

Victor drew his shoulders in and squeaked, “Maybe?”

 

“Oh, baby...I’m going to make you feel so good.”

 

“But I don’t…”

 

“Don’t worry...I’ll show you everything you need to know.”

 

“But…”

 

Mikhail’s hands ran smoothly over Victor’s shoulders then stopped, grasping at the biceps a little too hard and stilling Victor’s voice.  “You are such a good boy and I’m going to take good care of you.”

 

Victor was starting to breathe hard, ragged breaths.  He was scared and didn’t know what to do.  Turning toward the door, he felt a hand grab hold of his wrist.  The pressure wasn’t bruising, but he couldn’t break free.  Victor could hear a roar in his ears.  He couldn’t process information.  Mikhail was pulling him.  His words were like coming through the ocean.  A whine escaped his lips.

 

They walked into the kitchen.  “I’ve got you, baby.  It’s okay.”  Within moments Victor felt another drink at his lips, liquid falling in as he opened his mouth to object.  “This will help, sweetheart.”

 

Victor choked on it between gasps for air but he slowly started to calm.  He felt the lightheadedness return stronger than at the club.  Mikhail guided him back into the bedroom.  Somewhere in the haze that was growing in his mind he was able to just barely process that Mikhail was undressing him.  He watched, feeling and looking much like a zombie, as the man took his clothes and folded them neatly to place them on the dresser.  Victor felt his body swaying as Mikhail left him to meticulously fold his pants three times.  The younger man wanted to say something, demand his pants back, but neither his brain nor mouth could form words, let alone sentences.  He couldn’t process what was happening.  Mikhail guided him into bed.  He felt the man’s hands on the waistband of his underwear and a part of him wanted to fight him on that but he couldn’t figure out how to make it happen.

 

Soon he was joined by an equally naked Mikhail pulling him into his arms.  Kisses were insistent and Victor didn’t know if he was kissing back or just receiving.  “You’re mine, love,” he purred, kissing sloppily into the shell of Victor’s ear.  Victor felt his hands on him everywhere, as if there were more than the two.  “Look how hard you are for me.  So good for me.”  Victor felt disconnected from the scene.  He felt a single finger press inside him, then more.  Arching his back he yelped.  Pain.  A tear sliding down his cheeks.  An apology.  “It always hurts at first, darling.  I promise it will be better in the future.”  The fingers stopped their invasion, but Victor had only a moment before something larger was pushed in roughly.  His own voice whining out.  Panting and groans as his legs are adjusted.  Then something building inside of him.  Then release.  Mikhail’s cry soon followed.

 

As Mikhail pulled away, Victor turned on his side, pulling his knees to his chest.  Tears fell but he still couldn’t pull himself together.  Mikhail returned and the hands were back on his body, more gentle now as they pried him open to wipe him down.  “We can’t have you sleeping in your mess, now can we?”  Then Mikhail left for a moment.  The clatter of dishes being washed and a quick walk through putting things in order before returning to bed with Victor.  The younger man was hauled roughly into his arms.  “There, my beauty.  I’ve got you.”

 

In the still darkness, Victor slipped in and out of consciousness, counting the hours before he could leave.  Finally, the silver sliver of daylight broke through the window and Victor shifted slowly out of bed.  Mikhail was still sleeping and he wanted him to stay that way.  Reaching for his clothes, he dressed without ceremony.  He hurt all over.  Reaching for his bag, he slipped out the door and made his way downstairs.  He needed a focus to get through the next hour and that was Makkachin.  The bus wasn’t running quite yet and Victor just wanted some distance from the situation so he could clear his head.  He ran ignoring the eruption of pain that spread like fire through his back and legs.

 

Finally reaching his apartment building, he sprinted up the stairs.  He heard whimpers as he reached the door.   Unlocking it, he wrapped his arms around Makkachin.  “I’m sorry, girl.  I really am.  I didn’t know what to do.”  She sniffed him and licked him, making sure he was okay and sensing he wasn’t.  Reaching for her lead, they went outside and walked around the park giving the dog a much needed bathroom break.  Victor was listless.  He didn’t know what to do or who to turn to.   _ Katya’s only going to be furious.  I can’t talk to Yakov about this.   _ Pulling out his phone, his first instinct was Yuuri.   _ But...Yuuri...I can’t turn to Yuuri.  Not with what’s going on between us.  He shut me out, I can’t burden him with this. This is my mess, I’ll take care of it alone. _

 

They went back inside, Victor reaching for kibble and checking her water dish.  Then with a heavy sigh, he moved into the bathroom.  Hot water and bubbles would do him a world of good.  He added Epsom salt and oils to condition his skin.  Soon he was sinking into the tub and felt the soothing heat surround him.  As he felt his whole body relax, he finally gave into the tears.

 

Makkachin came into the room and flopped on the bathmat, regarding her human with concern.  Victor looked over the edge of the tub.  “I don’t know what happened.  I wanted to come home, I know I said it, but that didn’t seem to be an option.  And my head was fuzzy.  Too much alcohol.”  He was quiet as the rest of the night settled around him.  “I had sex last night.  For the first time.  And it was not fun.  I thought it would at least be fun.  I didn’t know it would hurt so much.  I had wanted something very different for my first time.”

 

He finally left his tub and pulled on his fluffy robe.  Picking up his phone off the small table by the door, he saw a number of missed calls and texts.  Then he sighed in annoyance seeing they were all Mikhail’s insistent texts.

 

**Masha/ Where did you go?**

 

**Masha/ I was going to make breakfast and take care of you.**

 

**Masha/ I love you, baby.  Last night was wonderful.**

 

Victor frowned, he would read the rest of the missives later.   _ Maybe for you. _  He put the phone down and walked into the kitchen.  Going through the cupboards, nothing looked good.  So he settled for a cup of tea.  Curling up into his bed with Makkachin and a book, he forgot about the world and his reality for a while.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Yuuri walked across campus when his phone chimed.  He frowned as he read the news alert.   “What the fuck?” he muttered under his breath as he scanned the article.  “That’s old and dealt with.”  He sent the link to his coach.  A few minutes later, he received a call.

 

“It looks like they are trying to dig shit up because it’s an Olympic year.”

 

“We already established that I have prescriptions approved by the JSF and the ISU.  Why is this continuing to come up?”

 

“Because reporters are pricks,” Ciao Ciao stated in his no-nonsense way that would usually make Yuuri snort with laughter.  And a chuckle slipped out this time as well.  “I’m putting together a response if you want to come by the rink after class.”

 

“I’ll be there, Coach.  Thanks.”

 

“Part of the job.  Now get to class so your mother isn’t breathing down my neck.”

 

Again Yuuri snorted a little at Ciao Ciao’s irrational fear of his tiny mother.  “On my way.”

 

Three hours later, his notifications had filled his phone and his anxiety was spiking,  **hard** .  Phichit found him and was walking him back towards their apartment when Yuuri was finally able to speak.  “I need to see Coach,” Yuuri protested in between gasps for air.

 

“Yuuri, it’s okay.  You are having a panic attack.”

 

“No...I’m okay.”  Except he wasn’t because the air seemed to be changing quality like it does when he’s not getting enough oxygen and his vision seemed darker and then he felt himself go down.  “Peach!” he gasped.  

 

Phichit was on the phone talking to Ciao Ciao and they were drawing a crowd.  With phones.  Aimed at him.  Feeding the sharks.  Yuuri’s thoughts sunk further in as he rocked back and forth.  _  This will be just like last time.  The reporters.  The lies.  The rumors.  I could lose sponsors. _

 

Large hands scooped him up and then he was being carried across campus to the room he shared with Phichit.  They weren’t far but it seemed to take forever.

 

“No Xanax,” he protested as Phichit helped him with his meds pushing it away.

 

“Yuuri, honey, don’t make me call your mother,” Phichit threatened.

 

He frowned.  Maybe he was also scared of that tiny woman.  He took the pill.  They stayed with him as he felt the medication take effect.  “So...slow…”

 

“I know, Yuuri.”

 

“No reporters.”

 

He watched his coach and Phichit exchange glances.  Yuuri’s eyes fluttered closed before he could process that exchange.

 

Hours later, he woke with a headache.  He knew he’d be lethargic for the rest of the day.  Turning his head, he was surprised to see Ciao Ciao still there.  “How bad?”

 

“It started with one reporter digging around in those old allegations.  It’s a cheap trick but it stirred up some interest.  Your friend Morooka has already released the counter-statements by the JSF and ISU from before and new ones are being issued tomorrow.  I suggest you do the same.”

 

“What about my...very public panic attack?”

 

“It was recorded and is already circulating,” the coach stated honestly.  “Morooka says that it will actually help our argument.”

 

“I guess that’s one good thing,” Yuuri frowned.  “I’d rather not lay it out there like that.”

 

Ciao Ciao patted him on the back.  “I know, Yuuri...but you did nothing wrong.  You just have reporters digging around in your business.  It’s not the first time.  It won’t be the last.”

 

The next morning, Yuuri sat with Ciao Ciao ready to read his press release.  It would be put out via Morooka as a counterattack.

 

“It seems like there have been a lot of rumors surfacing, old rumors that had already been disproved.  I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and, because of this, I do take medications.  These medications are very common prescriptions found in many American households.  All of these prescriptions are submitted to both the JSF and ISU for approval.  It is a condition I live with and work with on a daily basis.  A diabetic would not fall under this kind of public scrutiny and I ask that you respect my privacy as I work through the established treatment worked out with my doctor.  Thank you.”

 

* * *

  
  
  


Victor listened to the press release with a frown.  He remembered Yuuri telling him more than once he had anxiety.   _ What does that really mean? _  Pulling his computer into his lap, he began with a google search.  Before long, he had ten tabs up and was reading through the problems that Yuuri dealt with on a regular basis.

 

Looking at Makkachin, he frowned sadly.  “I may have misjudged our Col. Brandon.”  He walked over to the bookshelf and pulled Col. Brandon and Mr. Darcy from the place where they kept his Austen collection company.  Settling in bed, he murmured to them, “I just wish he could have told me, explained it to me so I understood.  I need to be much kinder to Yuuri.  He has never acted without honor.”

 

Victor pouted feeling his heart not quite settled in his chest.  “I’ve made so many mistakes.  Sometimes all I want is for my mother to hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay.”  A text came across his phone and he glanced over the message.   _ Masha _ .  Ever since  _ that  _ night, there was an expectation in their relationship that Victor would go out with him and fall in line with what he wanted.  As long as he was good, things went smoothly.  Masha would shower him with love and affection.  But if one thing went wrong…

 

He pushed himself up and straightened his clothes.  A sharp knock wrapped on the door.  Victor glanced around the room to make sure everything was in place.  Then he spotted the rabbits on his bed.  He scurried to pick them up and put them back on the shelf, straightening up the books unconsciously as he did it.  A quick smooth over the bedding, and he went to open the door with a practiced smile.

 

“My sweet Viten’ka,” he responded as his eyes cast about the room.  “You are such a good boy.  Let’s get you out of this dump.”

 

“Are we going to meet with my friends?” Victor was hopeful but he knew the answer would be no.

 

“I thought we’d enjoy more grown up company tonight,” he offered with an indulgent voice but Victor heard the firm edge to it.  Felt the fingers wrap into his ponytail and give it a firm tug.

 

“Of course, Masha,” he responded with forced cheerfulness to hide his disappointment.  He hadn’t spent a single evening with his friends since  _ that  _ night.  He skated and practiced but he felt withdrawn.  He wanted to talk with them, but he worried they were angry at his distance.

 

An alert chimed on his phone and Masha snatched it from him.  “Why do you have alerts set for a man named Yuuri?”  The voice had a dangerous tone to it, one that Victor had learned quickly to avoid.  Anything could trigger it, a brush out of place, towels on the floor, laundry not put away, but worst was the attention of others.

 

Victor’s eyes darted to the phone, his breathing quickening.  “He’s just a friend, another skater.  I…”  His eyes darted up and he could feel Masha’s displeasure.  “I should turn it off.”

 

“Good boy,” he stated handing him the phone.  He watched as Victor made the changes then held out his hand for the phone.  “You won’t need it for the rest of the evening.  Just you and me.”

 

Victor swallowed and allowed himself to be led out.  He could hear Makkachin whimpering from the bathroom because the dog and Mikhail didn’t get along.  He glanced back toward the bathroom when he heard the thinly disguised impatience in Mikhail’s soft voice, “Baby, are you coming?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	11. Everybody Hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At European Championships, Victor learns more about what happened at the GPF with Yuuri. Chris gets a better idea of what's going on with Victor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for those who are still with me. I know the last chapter was difficult. I tagged the two chapters that get directly into the noncon elements up above. They will be discussed off and on during this chapter on, however...or at least the abuse. Victor is a fighter. I hope that we all see this. The most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when they are trying to get out. Victor will have help along the way but we'll also see him keep fighting.
> 
> This story does have a few parallels with All That Glitters. I'm working with the same character set, so that should be expected. However, there are differences that are both subtle and blatant. I hope you continue reading it but if you need to take breaks, take them. Take care of yourself. No apologies needed. I'll try and put together something warm and fluffy soon. 
> 
> That being said...*lays out fuzzy blankets and kittens and puppies*...there is a little angst in this chapter.

* * *

 

 

[ Everybody Hurts ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LPw7SI2dxmk)

 

**European Championships, Tallinn, Estonia - 1/18-24/2010**

 

Chris watched the shy Russian with growing concern.  If anything, he seemed more withdrawn than before.  He watched as a couple of the other Russians talked to him a moment, a woman...Katya, he thinks...placed a warm and inviting hand on his elbow but Victor shook his head at whatever she was saying.  The silver haired man slipped out from under her touch and moved away.  She glanced back just to be sure, a wistful expression in her eyes and maybe a hint of worry.  As he observed from across the room, he could tell that overall, the Russians were worried about their Darling...and honestly, he was, too.  Taking a sip of his drink, he made the decision to approach him.

 

Victor started when Chris came up from behind casually dropping an arm around his shoulder.  “It looks like it’s just the two of us this time.”

 

Victor frowned, his eyes going to his shoes.  “What do you want, Chris?”  His voice was flat, uninviting, but Chris wasn’t surprised.  He was very aware of the unfounded jealousy this boy had where he was concerned.

 

Keeping his voice light he leaned softly into the younger man’s frame, “I just thought we’d hang out...like friends do.”

 

Victor sighed heavily, and Chris hated the feeling of defeat in his small body.  He was startled by the change in the body he observed and he hated the gaunt, half starved look he was seeing, also.

 

“Come with me...Yuuri’d think I was being remiss if I didn’t take care of you.”  Chris watched the series of emotions that played across his face.

 

Dropping his chin, he muttered, “I’m sure I’m the last person Yuuri is thinking about at the moment.”

 

_ I beg to differ but that’s another matter altogether.  _  “With what’s going on, I think it would be good if we stuck together.  A show of support.”  When Victor didn’t react, he added, “For Yuuri.”

 

A sad smile touched his lips.  “For Yuuri,” he murmured.

 

Chris leaned in and started to take a picture when panicked eyes widened and hands reached out to stop him.  “Please don’t post anything!”

 

“ _ Mon cher _ ?” Chris asked with surprise.  He studied the man beside him, watched him shake with panic and try desperately to control his body, then smiled gently.  “Of course not.  Just a little something to send to Yuuri,  _ oui _ ?”

 

Victor nodded reluctantly.  Leaning into Chris’ space for a moment he pasted on the practiced smile.  Chris hugged him close and he could feel the loss of flesh, the small bones that made up his sternum, the tenseness in the body, and the tremble as he snapped the picture.  “There...would you like me to send it to you?”

 

Victor’s eyes widened and he shook his head.   _ There is definitely something going on with you. _  Chris kept his expression open and neutral.  “Very well,  _ mon cher. _  You know how to reach me if you change your mind.”

 

Victor’s eyes flicked down a moment, uncertain, tugging at his fingers.  Then he murmured, “I don’t.”

 

“You don’t?” Chris asked in confusion.

 

“Know how to reach you,” he said quietly.  It was almost a whisper.

 

“Oh...then let’s fix that.”  Chris held out his phone and Victor typed a quick message and number but hesitated before he pressed send.  As Chris heard the ding, he smiled warmly.  “There.  Not so bad.”

 

Victor studied the floor before, nervousness coming off of him with waves.

 

“Is everything okay?” Chris asked gently pulling him away from the flow of traffic.

 

Victor looked up and Chris could see the very real fear in his crystal blue eyes.  He could see the  _ no  _ in every expression, his lips moving to form the words but they never came out.  And Chris knew...beyond a shadow of a doubt.  Because he’d been right where Victor was at that very moment.  Slipping an arm around him, he held him close, saying quietly next to his ear, “It will be okay, _ mon cher _ .”

 

Victor shuttered and whispered, “I want to believe that.”

 

* * *

  
  


Later in his room, Chris sent the picture to his friend.

 

**Yuuri/ You got him to talk to you?**

 

**Chris/ Yes.**

 

**Yuuri/ How is he?  I haven’t heard from him in forever and he stopped responding to my text messages.**

 

**Chris/ I don’t think he can respond to them.**

 

**Yuuri/ What do you mean?**

 

**Chris/ He’s terrified, Yuuri.  I know that look.**

 

Chris waited for Yuuri’s response.  He knew Yuuri was fighting every impulse to fly out there and take him away.  He knew Yuuri was also blaming himself.

 

**Yuuri/ Did you see anything physical?**

 

**Chris/ No evidence but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.  I saw plenty of signs of mental.**

 

**Yuuri/ It was so fast.**

 

**Chris/ That creep has probably been planning this for some time.  I talked to Lawrie about it and we studied the behaviors.  He would have studied him and worked out his weaknesses.**

 

**Yuuri/ That sounds...predatory.**

 

**Chris/ It is.  The dark side of psychology.  Think sociopath...or more succinctly, narcopath.**

 

**Yuuri/ Okay, I’m googling those right now.**

 

**Chris/ I have been studying those because a lot of bad Doms fall into that category.  They use a submissive’s nature against them denying them their will.**

 

**Yuuri/ What can we do?**

 

**Chris/ Keep him talking to us as much as he will allow...and respect his fears.  He asked me not to share that picture on social media, which means he knows he’s being watched.**

 

**Yuuri/ I see.**

 

**Yuuri/ I’m glad you were able to get close to him.**

 

**Chris/ As am I.  Because I’m worried about him, too.  I know he has issues with me but I only want to be his friend.**

 

**Yuuri/ I know.**

 

* * *

  
  


Chris was sitting in the hotel restaurant with a simple breakfast of eggs, toast, and fruit in front of him when he looked up to catch a shadow.  “ _ Bonjour _ , Georgi.  Join me?”

 

Georgi nodded and took the seat.  The waitress took his order and then he focused on the Swiss in front of him.  “I wanted to ask you about Yuuri.”

 

Chris tilted his head thoughtfully.  “You mean about the press issues?”  Georgi nodded.  Chris caught Georgi’s eye drift off to the entrance behind him with confused recognition.  Turning, he spotted Victor standing nearby, awkwardly shifting his weight from one foot to the other, half hiding within himself.  Smiling warmly, Chris reached towards the young Russian.  “Won’t you please join us, Victor?” he invited.  “We were talk of the press hounding poor Yuuri.  I’m sure you are worried for him as well.”

 

Victor found a chair.  “Is he okay?”

 

“A bit stressed,” Chris explained.  “The press attention has triggered another panic attack.  He’s never comfortable with the intrusion into his past when the press starts digging around, into his private struggles, even if he’s come out into the open about them.  There’s nothing sincere in their curiosity.”

 

Chris watched as Victor chewed the side of his lip and could tell something was bothering the younger man.  A flicker of understanding seemed to light in the young man, but was clouded with doubt immediately.  He opened his mouth a couple of times, closing it...uncertain whether to ask.  Finally, Chris invited, “Go ahead.”

 

“It’s just...that night...at the banquet,” he began, darting his eyes to his folded hands in his lap then back up to Chris.  “Was he...did he leave because...he was having a panic attack?”

 

Chris sighed heavily, knowing this was a conversation someone else should have had with him.  “Yes, he was.”

 

Victor’s breath hitched and Chris could tell he was holding a sob inside.  Georgi could as well.  They both surrounded the younger man and Chris leaned in to murmur, “Let’s get you out of here.”  Georgi quickly left more than enough on the table to cover the bill and followed Chris, leading Victor, out the door.

 

If there was one thing Chris knew, it was where to find privacy in public spaces.  He guided Victor from the room and around two corners until he found a small hallway leading out to the swimming pool.  It was cold and early.  Unoccupied.  And as the door closed, Victor released the sob he was holding on to so tightly.

 

Chris wrapped his arms around the boy, murmuring, “There you go,  _ mon ami, _ let it out.  Get it all out of you.”  The body in his arms shook.  He looked over his head towards Georgi who stood guarding the door, an unspoken signal between them.

 

“I thought…” Victor sputtered between sobs and gulps of air.

 

Chris smoothed his hair back and whispered, “I know.”

 

“Why didn’t he…” Victor couldn’t finish his sentence, the pain of every decision, every wrong step he took since that night flooding at him as he wept in the Swiss man’s strong embrace.

 

“Say anything?  He was afraid.  We are all afraid of our weaknesses.” He began gently rocking Victor as he felt the man slowly calm.

 

“I didn’t know.  I didn’t understand.” His little hands clenched together on his chest.

 

“I don’t think he quite understood either.  But he’s working on it.  Give him time.”

 

Victor finally drew himself together and whispered, “I don’t think I have any time left,” he whispered.

 

Chris’ eyes widened.  Glancing at Georgi the other man nodded that he’d keep watch as Chris drew him further away.  “Please don’t do anything...permanent.  If not for yourself, then for him.  Because it would destroy him.”

 

Victor looked away from Chris.   _ You don’t understand. I can’t get out.   _ “It’s too late.”

 

“No,  _ mon ami _ ...it’s never too late.”  Chris sighed.  It was time for truth.  “Last year...during Worlds...I was in the exact same place that you find yourself right now.”

 

Victor sniffed back.  “What do you mean?”

 

“I was standing...on the roof.  I didn’t think there was any way out.  And...my self esteem had been shredded by my partner.  Yuuri met me that night and talked me down from that decision.  He gave me a place to go, to escape, to get my feet under me again.”

 

“But...you and Yuuri...you weren’t dating?” Victor asked, his eyes wide, more tears waiting to flow.

 

Chris shook his head and murmured, “No,  _ mon ami _ .  Yuuri and I...we’ve only ever been friends.”

 

Victor’s head dropped and Chris pulled him into an embrace.  He felt the younger man snuggle into the crook of his neck as his body shook.  “I’ve messed up so much this year,” he whispered finally as his sobs subsided.

 

“We all mess up, Victor.  Just know...it’s not permanent.  Don’t let it be permanent.”

 

Victor backed out of his arms and looked up.  “I’ve messed up...I know that.  Even more so now.  I just...need to figure out how to fix it.”

 

“He’ll help you.”

 

Victor dropped his eyes down and shook his head.  “He...shouldn’t have to.”  Then Victor walked away, pausing a moment while Georgi opened the door.  Georgi threw an imploring look back at Chris, who could only close his eyes.   _ Please keep him safe. _

 

* * *

 

Chris watched Victor’s landing, the shake of his leg that may have been overlooked by a fan but he caught it, and worse the judges caught it.  Signs of loss of strength and emotional distress all through his performance.  Victor had continued to be withdrawn for the rest of the competition, his expression serene and sadly beautiful during public appearances.  He was unreachable to everyone.  And he fell to six in the standing but still scored strong for the Russian team, earning them three slots for the Olympics.  Chris knew he’d see him there.  That was already decided.  And Yuuri would be there as well.

 

He hated watching Victor leave later with the Russian team.  It was like letting him go back into the lion’s den.  But Victor held his head high and there was a line of determination in his stance.   _ Don’t get yourself hurt, mon ami.   _ [ _ Stay alive _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnBlzA07Pt4) _ until Yuuri can get you out. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for editing and beta reading this story, BluSkates and Magrathea. And thank you, BluSkates for your perspectives on some of the other characters. For those who want to delve into the dark side, she's writing from Masha's perspective.


	12. Once Upon Another Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Panic and perfection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning - Yuuri will have a panic attack in this one. Also, Victor will show signs of abuse and there will be some of the abuse referenced. 
> 
> Thanks so much to Magrathea and BluSkates for your help with this chapter.
> 
> This is a bonus chapter because...well, I'm ahead and I'm out of other things. So there!

* * *

 

[ Once Upon Another Time ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIXlPxblIpQ)

 

 

Yuuri stepped out of the cab and walked towards the building that housed his new psychiatrist’s office.  Dr. Cara Bishop, fourth floor.  He was distracted, focusing on the appointment card, and didn’t notice the reporters lurking until they were practically on top of him.

 

A recording device shoved into his face was followed quickly with “Mr. Katsuki, can you talk to us about the accusations about you doping and whether or not you will be allowed to perform in the coming Olympics?”

 

 _Straight to the point,_ Yuuri thought bitterly.  “No comment.  I’ve already released a statement.”  He tried to side step the first reporter, but like locusts they travel in packs.  As soon as he had maneuvered past the first he was blocked by the second and third.  He could see the entrance to the building, it wasn’t too far but with the onslaught it was unreachable.  That’s when it hit.

 

They kept coming, kept throwing questions, kept speaking too quickly in high pitched voices, kept entering his space and moving around.  Yuuri was in distress before he could get away from them, his breathing coming out in threads, black dots interfering with his vision.  He brought hands up to his face, struggling to get through the crowd and accidentally made contact with one who yelped and pushed back.  Yuuri fell to a knee.

 

He could hear the voices but he felt disconnected from his body.  Firm voices intruding on the cacophony of reporters telling them to back up, give him space.  A voice next to him speaking with authority.   _An emergency worker perhaps?_ He couldn’t make the words out at first, just the tone.  Finally, they broke through the noise in his head.  “You’re going to be okay, sir.  Help is on the way.”

 

A police officer.  He had Yuuri’s phone.  Probably open to emergency contacts.

 

Yuuri clutched his hand and realized he still had the appointment card in his hand.  He lifted it up and the officer took it, reading it.  “Do you want me to call this person?”

 

Yuuri managed a small nod.

 

Then he heard her calm and steady voice, grounding him.  “Yuuri, this is Dr. Cara.  I’m going to go with you to the hospital, okay?”

 

Yuuri managed to squeeze her hand.

 

The ambulance ride was surreal, like something out of a weird dream.  Not necessarily a nightmare, but the kind with an almost out of body experience.  Dr. Cara stayed by his side and followed him into check-in.  She used her privileges and got him straight into a room.  He needed to bring her along more often when he came to the ER.

 

He woke up hours later to his coach and roommate in the room.  Ciao Ciao approached him right away.  “Are you okay?”

 

Yuuri opened his mouth, but everything felt scratchy.  “Dry,” he cracked out.

 

Phichit poured him a glass and held it up to his lips.  After a few gulps, he pushed it back.  “Dr. Cara?”

 

“She had to return to her office, but she said she’ll be back as soon as her last appointment is over,” his coach explained.

 

Yuuri nodded.  He allowed his eyes to take in his surroundings.  It was a small, private room with a wall of windows to one side, curtains partially drawn to dampen the light.  On the other side were the monitors, the timing his now steady heart rate creating a constant beep, a blood pressure cuff on timer sat on his bicep, an IV stand dripping liquid into his veins...probably just saline but who knows.

 

“It was bad this time, wasn’t it?”

 

“Probably the worst one you’ve had, Yuuri,” his coach said quietly.  “They’ve contacted Sasaki-sensei after Phichit brought your prescriptions and her information.”

 

“Fall out?”

 

“The reporters who pushed you over are catching a lot of flack for it.  Their affiliations have issued official apologies.  And there’s talk that some may have their credentials pulled by the ISI.  I think...that perhaps they’ll back off now, at least.”

 

“I asked them to...before.”

 

“I know.  You know my opinion of reporters as a whole.”

 

“Morooka?”

 

“Besides pissed?”  That pulled a smile from Yuuri.  Ciao Ciao pulled at his ponytail.  “He’s been lighting up Ice Network’s, ESPN’s and several other boards using words like _unconscionable_ and _lack of ethics_.  He’s blasting them hard, Yuuri.  They featured him on Around the Horn, and the focus was the intrusion of press on athletes, not you.”

 

“Really?” Yuuri’s hope began to rise at the idea of support from within the media.

 

Ciao Ciao smiled. “It’s no secret why Tony Kornheiser never flies, he’s terrified of it and suffered a severe panic attack decades ago.  His cohorts in the press were merciless.  You’ve got allies.”

 

“Need police officer’s name.  Send thank you.”

 

“I’ll find out, don’t worry.”

 

“My parents?”

 

“Phichit’s been keeping them informed.  Your grandfather called me.  I don’t want that man mad at me.”

 

Yuuri smiled reassuringly.  “I’ll take care of it.”

  


* * *

  


**PRESS RELEASE**

 

Katsuki Yuuri has withdrawn from the Four Continents Figure Skating Championship in order to focus on preparing for the Olympics.

 

* * *

  


As Yuuri read the speculation that followed his press release, he knew they hit the nail on the head.  He had two public panic attacks.  Now he just needed to get his focus back in order to compete.  Phichit and Ciao Ciao already left for 4CC and now it was just Yuuri.

 

**Victor/ Are you okay?**

 

**Yuuri/ I’m getting there.  You?**

 

**Victor/ I’m getting there.**

 

Yuuri frowned at the texts.  He wanted to get Victor out of that situation.  Pulling out his computer, he began working through his information.  The more he learned about Mikhail Volkov, the more he knew he had to move with caution and get Victor to a place of safety far off, and as soon as possible.  The man wasn’t a top associate, but he was related to the Pakhan.  And that association gave him a little more power and some discretionary movement.  He wore no star on his knee or chest, but that didn’t make him any less dangerous.  He was prone to violence...but a meticulous and controlled violence.

 

“Vitya…” he whispered quietly.  Pulling out his phone, he studied the picture sent by Chris.  Victor had lost a lot of weight, and Yuuri could see the stress on his body.   _Olympics_.  He’ll see the younger man at the Olympics.

 

* * *

  


Victor undressed slowly in the locker room.  Everyone was gone and it was just him, the only time it was safe to change.  He avoided the eyes of the man in the mirror as he efficiently uncovered the latest bruises.   _Two more carrots than allowed.  It was an honest mistake, too.  Just a miscount.  And carrots...that’s so few calories...a free food, really_ .   _I’m hungry_ , he thought.  He knew the lack of nutrition was affecting his skating.

 

As he pulled his long sleeve shirt into place he turned, startled to see Yuri standing there wide eyed.

 

“What the hell happened to you?” he demanded.

 

“Please don’t tell anyone, Yuri!” Victor begged in panic.  “I don’t know what he’ll do.”

 

“Leave him.”  It seemed so simple to the almost twelve-year-old.

 

“I can’t...he’s...a bad man.”

 

Yuri frowned at that obvious statement.  “I’ll tell Yakov.  He’ll fix it.”

 

“It’s not that easy.  You can’t tell Yakov.  I have...to go to the Olympics.”

 

Yuri looked doubtful but finally he said, “I won’t say anything...until after the Olympics.  But...Yakov sent me to get you.”

 

“Okay.  Thank you, Yuri.  Thank you!”  He hugged Yuri startling him before letting him go quickly.  As he ran down the hall towards Yakov’s office, he was unaware of piercing green eyes following him.

 

Yakov looked up from the stack of papers, “Vitya, I’m glad you’re here.  I think...we need to talk about your finances.”

 

“What...do you mean?”

 

Yakov sighed, choosing his words carefully.  This was a delicate dance, one that he didn’t choreograph himself.  “The RSF wants your skating funds to be placed in a separate account.  Your winnings and your sponsorship money, as well as the money from appearances at shows and ad campaigns.  There has been...some odd activity in your finances and it drew their...attention.”

 

“Oh...I...didn’t know,” he murmured dejectedly.

 

“That’s fine, Vitya.  We’re just trying to protect you.” Victor saw the eyes shift, as if Yakov had caught himself saying the wrong thing.  Then he backtracked, “If you’d like, we can transfer all of your funds over into a new account.”

 

Victor looked startled.  “You can do that?”

 

“Yes.  I just need your signature.”  He held out the pen, hoping the slender fingers would reach out at this lifeline.

 

And within a few minutes, Victor had his money secure and a little hope back in his eyes.  Maybe he could get out of this after all.  “Thanks, Coach.”

 

“It’s okay, Vitya...part of my job as your coach and guardian is to protect you...and your finances.”

 

“Even though I’m an adult?” Victor bristled a little at still being regarded as a ward, in need of protection.   _But I do need help, and this could be it._

 

“Just because you’re grown, doesn’t mean we stop being concerned about you, Vitya.”  The elderly coach spoke in a softer tone than Victor remembered ever hearing.  “Is there...something else we can help you with?”

 

The _yes_ was on the tip of Victor’s tongue.  He wanted to say it but he was afraid.  And before he could stop himself, the “no” tumbled out.  Yakov sighed, Victor saw his coach start to say more so he cut him off.  “I’ve got to go, Yakov.  He’s waiting for me.  I...don’t want to be late.”

 

Being late...that was a major infraction.  He’d be tied up and tormented for hours.  Overstimulated and not allowed to...to...Victor’s face turned scarlet as he thought about it.  This wasn’t what he wanted out of a relationship.  It wasn’t what he had dreamt about all those nights ago in Tokyo.

 

He went to his apartment and walked Makkachin.  The dog watched him sadly.  “I’m trying to fix this, Makka.  I’m so sorry you’re caught up in the middle.  You deserve better.”  He was thankful that one of the neighbor’s kids started walking her right after school.  The boy played with her in the park and Victor knew that kept her from being so lonely.  When he asked why Victor wasn’t home with her so much, Victor blamed work.

 

As Victor took her home and set up Makkachin’s food and water dishes, he couldn’t help the sob that interrupted his thoughts.  He hiccupped it back and dropped down to draw Makkachin into his lap.  The dog whimpered and kissed him with a thousand licks, her worry evident.  “I suck.  I know.  I had a great guy and I pushed him away because I was jealous.  And it turned out to be nothing.  Nothing!  If he had just told me, or if I had asked...”  His mother’s words rang in his memory, _hell is a truth learned too late._ He cried bitter tears into Makkachin’s fur.  “I don’t know what to do.  I don’t know.  I’m trying, but I’m so scared.”  Then he remembered, his finances were secure.  He just needed to secure everything else.   _I can’t burden Yuuri with this, but maybe if I can just get away...on my own._

 

He moved about the room in a flurry, grabbing any paper that he would need in a quick flight.  He then dug out Makkachin’s crate.  Inside was a compartment where he kept Makka’s current vet papers and pet passport; he slid his own papers to rest underneath.  Securing the latch, he glanced around to see if anything needed to be put aside.  Some things in this room were irreplaceable...the rabbits from Yuuri and his mother...his journal...a few letters tucked away in a box wrapped in a ribbon - words from his mother, an aunt that reached out to him after she passed away, and Yuuri...but he knew everyone of them would want him to leave the items and just run, to get out of this.  He firmed up his chin.  They leave for the Olympics soon, he could time it then.

 

The alert Mikhail has set on his phone told him his time was up in his apartment.  He straightened everything up in a hurry putting everything in its place.  He checked the chairs at the table, all equally spaced; the dish towels folded and sorted by color.  Bending down, he hugged Makkachin before leading her into the bathroom.  He sighed as he ran his fingers through her fur.  “I wouldn’t have to put you away if I’d been smart and waited for Yuuri.”

 

Then the sharp knock on the door sent him into action once more.  He closed the door and opened another.  Mikhail greeted him as his eyes studied Victor critically.  “ _Lyubov moya_ , where is your perfection?”

 

 _Oh, shit!  I forgot to double check my appearance._ He felt Masha’s hands roughly run through his hair, pulling a few strands out.  In front of the mirror, he saw his hair coming loose, strands falling around his cheek.  It didn’t look bad.  It just wasn’t...perfect.   He waited for the pronouncement.  Mikhail seemed to be feeling generous this time, however.  Victor quickly fixed the ponytail then turned with a practiced smile pasted on his lips.  “I’m sorry, Masha.  I forgot myself.”

 

Mikhail leaned forward and brushed a kiss against his forehead.  “I know you won’t let it happen again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope...and trust me. And send lots of hugs to Makkachin who is curled up in the bathroom worried about her human. Such a good poodle.


	13. Time to Say Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Olympics...and Victor is facing some major decisions and some bittersweet emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to my friends BluSkates and Magrathea for supporting me through this story. It's been so much fun writing it with you.

* * *

 

[ Time to Say Goodbye ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7bwSk5pCsg)

 

**Olympics, Vancouver, BC - 2/14-27**

 

With resolve, Victor tightened his hand on Makkachin’s leash.  In his satchel, he had his passport, birth certificate, government identification and other papers he needed.  He just needed to get through the Olympics then slip away during the flight transfer.   _ I may not be able to skate, but at least I’d be free.  Invisible.  I don’t have to stay in Russia, in fact it’s probably safest that I don’t.  Perhaps I could work my way up in a fashion house or back stage at the ballet or in the opera.  I have skills other than skating. _

 

He spotted the group across the room.  His expression went soft.   _ So much has changed from last time we were all together.  I’m so sorry for all of it.  I’m going to miss them.  But I can’t be invisible if I’m still part of the skating life.  He would be able to find me too easily.  I have to let it go.  That’s the consequence of my choices.  But for now...I’m going to store up every memory with you _ .  He took a step forward.   _ All of you. _

 

_ I’m going to make this my best skate, my final triumph.  I’ll be a bright shining star...for just a moment in time. _

 

_ Because...that’s all I can have.  A moment. _

 

He took another step and Yuuri turned to meet his eyes.  Victor watched that slow smile, the dip of that chin, the shy flick of those brown eyes.    _ Is it wrong that I want to steal a moment with you?  Will you miss me, at least just a little, when I disappear? _

 

Yuuri pushed off the wall where he’d been waiting.  “You’re here!  And you brought Makkachin!”  He knelt down before the poodle.  The dog sniffed him up and down then gave him a “boof” of approval and launched into the Japanese man’s space.  Then there were licks across the face and Yuuri responded with a laugh...and it was the most beautiful sound Victor had ever heard.   _ I should have waited for you.  Why couldn’t we have just talked to each other about what we wanted and needed? _  Victor blinked back tears and chose to smile.

 

“Yuuri...it feels like it’s been forever,” Victor greeted, holding a hand out to the beautiful man before him.  Yuuri took the hand and stood, and the space between them shrank...and then he was in Yuuri’s arms held tight in a hug.  “I’m sorry, Yuuri,” he whispered.  “I didn’t know.”

 

Yuuri was fighting the urge to brush a kiss into that hairline.  He pressed his cheek instead.  “It’s my fault.  I didn’t know how to tell you.”

 

Victor drew himself up, holding his chin up, strong.  The smile didn’t hide his regret but pushed forward.  “Let’s enjoy this time together.”

 

Yuuri blinked feeling tears and emotion coming to the forefront of his eyes...and realizing it wasn’t relief because...it felt like goodbye.  He took a deep breath and held out his hand for Victor.  The other man looked at the offering unsure but then reached out hesitantly for a moment.  The connection was firm. 

 

As Yuuri met his eyes, resolve reflected back at Victor.   _ He’s not going to make it easy for me to let him go _ .  Victor looked at his luggage trying to figure out how to handle everything when two other pairs of hands came to the rescue.

 

“ _ Mon ami _ , let us help you,” Chris greeted, his smile warm.

 

Phichit grinned.  “I’m glad I’m not the only one who smuggled his furry friends along.”

 

Victor looked around in confusion and Phichit giggled.  “My hamsters, Athos, Aramis, and Porthos.”

 

Victor grinned.  “ _ Les Trois Mousquetaires! _ ”

 

Chris laughed warmly, “I take it you read it in the original French.”

 

“Of course!”   _ I speak French better than English. Maybe I could disappear there. _

 

“I knew I liked you!” Chris greeted throwing his arm around Victor’s shoulder and hugging him.  Yuuri still had his hand, his other still occupied by Makka’s lead and all he could do was accept it nuzzling into the strong, warm chest.  Victor laughed and it felt good.

 

* * *

  
  


Victor stayed close to Yuuri every chance he was offered, their fingers sliding together under tables or hung low at their hips, but always finding each other.  They knew the moments were stolen.  Victor had a mess left behind in Russia and his phone kept chiming constant reminders that he was still, for all intents and purposes, in a possessive and controlling relationship.  It was an impossible situation to control.  By the end of the first day pictures were taken by others and plastered all over social media.  He was caught dancing with Yuuri, leaning on him, resting in his arms with Makkachin in his lap, wrapped up in Phichit and Chris’ arms, stretched out across the laps of the three of them.

 

**Masha/ Do you think I can’t see what you are doing?  Parading yourself around like a little slut?**

 

Victor ignored it.

 

**Masha/ You are mine, don’t forget that.  I’ll make sure you remember that when you get back here.**

 

Victor let himself forget.  And almost forgot himself completely as he leaned on Yuuri’s shoulder wanting very much to kiss him.   _ But I have to disappear and I won’t hurt you like that.  Besides...I remember the last kiss I tried to take from you. _

 

**Masha/ He can’t have you.  He wouldn’t want you anyway, you are disgusting to him.**

 

_ I know, Masha...I’m very aware.  But he can have this moment, and I can have it, too...before I’m no more. _

 

_ Who will I be? _

 

_ Nikki.  That’s a good name.  Just another seamstress working backstage of a show.  One of the faceless, nameless people who help others shine and glitter. _

 

**Masha/ You can’t ignore me.**

 

_ Get used to it, Masha. _

 

Victor prepared for his short program in the small privacy of the stall, knowing the evidence of abuse, while faded was not gone.  He didn’t hear anyone approach until it was too late.

 

“ _ Mon ami _ , do you have more silver…” Chris stilled at the sight of him a gasp frozen on his lips.

 

_ Oh God, no.  _ Victor turned pleading eyes to Chris.  “Please...don’t tell him.  Let me have this.”   _ Please, let me just pretend...just for a little longer. _

 

“Victor, I can’t…”  Chris’ eyes couldn’t stay focused on the terror in the pale face, they roamed over the ravaged body.  Long narrow bruises dotted the back and sides, ribs jutted out, arms were littered with finger marks...and burns.

 

“Please...I’m begging you.”   _ I’ll disappear, and he’ll forget me. But until then, please don’t push me out. _

 

Chris sighed, struggling with his conscience.  Weighing his options, speak now and send this boy running, stay quiet and possibly sign his death certificate.  “I will keep quiet,” he murmured and watched relief settle on the younger man before he added, “but only until the end of the Olympics.  You are both my friends...and you know how he feels.  You can’t not know.”

 

“I know,” he whispered, his eyes dropping to the floor.

 

Chris stepped forward.  “At least let me help you get into this complicated costume of yours.”  Warm hands that were gentle guided the fabric over his shoulder and helped hold it taught as Victor worked the zipper.  “You’ve had it taken in.”

 

“It wouldn’t stay on otherwise.”

 

“He’s starving you,” Chris surmised, his voice soft, turning Victor in his hands so they both faced the mirror.

 

Victor’s eyes dropped but he didn’t deny the words.

 

Chris sighed and lifted Victor’s chin forcing him to look into the mirror and catch his concern.  “Let all of that go,  _ mon cher _ .  If we are anything, we are performers.  Able to step onto the ice and step into another story.”

 

“Another story…” Victor murmured.   _ One in which I chase the man I want, and he wants me.  One in which I’m not a destroyed piece of fabric, ready for the scrap heap, but stunning piece of silk fluttering and tantalizing on the wind. _

 

Chris nodded, smoothing his hair.  “With perhaps a happy ending.”

 

“I do want a happy ending,” Victor breathed, his eyes glittering with unshed tears.   _ It’s too late, but I want it all the same. _

 

“Then create it, _ Darling of Russia _ ,” Chris encouraged.  He gasped when those arms wrapped around him and he caught Victor’s sobs.  “Shhh...I’ve got you,  _ mon cher _ .  It’s going to be okay.  You can have your happy ending.  You just have to allow yourself to grab hold of it.”

 

They walked out into the room with mirrors and lights.  Yuuri looked up from where he sat applying his own makeup and his eyes widened at the sight of the shaken Victor.  “I think he’s a little overwhelmed,” Chris covered, his expression towards Victor soft and indulgent.  “What do you say to us helping with his makeup?”

 

“Of course,” Yuuri answered.  “Phichit?  You have the steadiest hand with eyeliner.”  Soon they surrounded him and Victor felt their gentle hands adding the foundation, contouring, liner, shadow, powder...the jewels were glued on last.  Victor tried to protest but Phichit insisted.  When they stepped back, Victor had to admit his makeup was amazing.  Perfect for his second to the last performance.   _ I only have to be perfect one more time after tonight.  At least this is my kind of perfection. _

 

* * *

  
  


[ Dark Eyes ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQ4AfCZzQFI) began its seductive lilt as Victor claimed the Russian gypsy song as his own, dancing not for the audience, but solely for Yuuri...and himself.  This was his moment and he was grabbing hold of it.   _ I may never be able to tell you with words how I feel but you will have no doubt how I feel, how much I want you after this skate.  I should have only ever been yours.  And now I can’t have you at all.  I ruined our chances, and in that I ruined myself for you.  So please move on after I’ve left.  I may be gone soon but I will be alive, I will make a new life...and who knows, one day perhaps our paths will cross once more.  For now...it’s just me...take the memory of my eyes with you. _

 

The response was thunderous.  Victor nailed every element.  As he joined Yakov in the kiss and cry, his eyes sought out Yuuri’s.  Blue eyes met brown.  He offered Victor unspoken promises...promises Victor didn’t want to refuse.  But he knew he couldn’t have them.  The smile he returned was sad, full of regret.  Then he felt a tug on his arm.  Looking at the rankings, he widened his eyes in surprise.  He knocked Yuuri out of the top position.  He shot a glance towards the Japanese skater and was met with a wide smile.  Victor returned with a smile of his own.

 

* * *

  
  


Victor stepped out of the shower, refreshed after skating hard that day.  Yuuri and company wanted to go out sight-seeing and get dinner later.  He promised to join them after taking Makkachin out and cleaning up.  Wrapped in his robe, he picked up his phone without really looking at it.  Makkachin scooted up next to him, her head in his lap.  Victor focused on her, enjoying the luxury of running his hands through her curls without fear of showing too much attention to the loving poodle.   _ Soon, this won’t be a luxury _ .  Time with Makkachin will be his normal once more.

 

The phone in his lap vibrated and he picked it up thinking it was Yuuri.   _ Oh, the wrong Yuuri! _  The photo showed a blond boy with his grandfather, a cat in his lap.  The boy was laughing, seated outside of a humble home in an unfamiliar city.  _  Moscow? _ _ Oh, Yuri is staying with his grandfather while we are here. _

 

He didn’t notice at first that the picture came from a different number until he saw the text that followed.

 

**Masha/ Such a lovely boy.  Not as perfect as my Viten’ka but he will grow into perfection.**

 

Victor’s eyes widened in panic and he almost dropped his phone as he juggled it to reply.

 

**Victor/ Leave him alone!**

 

**Masha/ Now he speaks!  Don’t think your little temper tantrum has gone unnoticed. We’re going to have a very serious talk when you get your ass back here.**

 

**Victor/ Please promise me!**

 

**Masha/ That depends on you.**

 

Victor’s fingers hovered over the keys feeling his freedom slip through his fingers.  He knew at that moment that it had always been just a dream.

 

**Victor/ Of course.  I will see you soon.  I’m so sorry.**

 

**Masha/ And you will cut ties with your Japanese plaything.**

 

Victor sighed.   _ I never had a chance. _

 

**Victor/ Yes.  Consider it done.**

 

**Masha/ There will be consequences if I learn you disobeyed me.**

 

**Victor/ I know.**

 

Victor felt the sobs tear at his soul.  He was lost...after all.  And if he doesn’t return, Yuri…

 

The next message was painful in its simplicity.

 

**Victor/ Yuuri, I’m tired tonight.  I’m going to rest.**

 

**Yuuri/ Would you like us to come to you? We could watch a movie.**

 

Victor felt a sad smile tease his lips.   _ That would be nice _ .  But he couldn’t risk Yuuri being seen near his room.

 

**Victor/ No, I’m going to sleep.**

 

* * *

  
  


The next day Yuuri tried again to coax Victor out of his isolation.  With the same results.

 

**Yuuri/ We’re going out after practice to see some of the sights.**

 

**Victor/ I can’t.  Yakov wants us to rest.**

 

Yuuri looked up at Georgi with a raised eyebrow at the text and the Russian shrugged.  “Do you know what’s going on?”

 

“I haven’t heard anything but I can check with Katya and Pyotr.  He seems to talk with them the most.”

 

Georgi turned nothing up as he checked with the others although Katya went to check on him.  Victor continued to keep to himself and Yuuri suspected Mikhail found a way to get to him.

 

In his room, he had his computer out and dug more into the history.  He had been researching Mikhail’s movements and transferred since he first found out about him.  “You aren’t fucking perfect, asshole.  You had to have fucked up somehow.”

 

Phichit entered the room without ceremony.  “I can’t believe you begged off.”

 

“You know me...I don’t actually like sightseeing.  I was only going for him.”  Yuuri kept typing furiously, occasionally stopping to open a tab.  His eyes didn’t leave the screen.

 

“At least you admit it.”  Phichit’s annoyance faded to concern as he watched his friend’s face.   “What are you doing?”

 

“Trying to catch him in a mistake.”  Yuuri’s voice took on that clipped tone that Phichit recognized as his “not fucking around” persona.

 

Phichit frowned as he pulled up a chair next to Yuuri.  “You should be resting.  We have the free skate tomorrow.”

 

Yuuri’s concentration finally broke and he pushed his laptop to the mattress beneath him, “Do you know how close I am to saying  _ fuck it _ , grabbing Victor’s hand, and running?”

 

Phichit stood still for a moment, assessing his friend.  He could tell this wasn’t panic, this was resolve.  “You’d walk away from skating for him?”

 

Yuuri stilled himself and met his eyes.  “I’d walk away from  _ everything  _ for him.”

 

Phichit’s lips curled up in the corner, his “let’s do this” face settling into position.  “Then let’s catch this bastard.  What are you working on?”

 

Yuuri smiled,  _ finally some help. _  “Following the money.  There is something off.”

 

“And you’d know.  Okay, you track the money, I’ll dig into the chatter.”

 

Yuuri gave him a grateful smile.  Phichit opened his laptop, not as expensive as Yuuri’s but the Thai man had customed it himself to be far more efficient.

 

* * *

  
  


Yuuri’s late night dragged down his score...but even more so, Victor’s sleepless night almost destroyed his.  Yuuri lowered his head to receive the silver.  Three more points, and Victor would be at least on the opposite side of the podium wearing bronze.  Victor’s expression was serene as he heard his score.  He walked with grace and dignity but there was no warmth in his ice blue eyes.  He carried himself through the ceremonies, distant and beautiful.  Untouchable.

 

His  [ exhibition ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTFI9sQdpGo) skate spoke sorrowfully of unfulfilled hopes.  As Yuuri, standing in his Pan costume, watched the lithe small body glide into his final pose the lyrics hit him full force.  “There’s a fine fine line between what you wanted, and what you got.”  Victor failed to make an appearance at the banquet that followed and Yuuri left early.

 

And when it was over, Yuuri had to let him go...back into danger.

 

As he sat over his coffee the morning following the medal ceremony, Yuuri watched as Chris approached him.  “How are you doing?”

 

Yuuri looked up with a wary expression.  “I’m in a hell of my own making...but...Vitya…”

 

“You aren’t going to like what I’m about to tell you, then.”  Chris sat down across from him and signaled for a coffee.  “When we were dressing for the short program, I kind of walked in on Victor.”

 

“Oh?” Yuuri responded in confusion.

 

“Yuuri, he’s got...marks up and down his back like he’s been caned.  Not the pleasurable kind.  And...there are finger bruises.  His ribs are visible and the skin looks stretched, sallow.  I’m shocked he was able to pull off that position at the end of the short.  He can’t have had the stamina.  He lacks the muscle mass needed for his positions and to store the energy for jumps.  He’s going to be injured if he keeps at that pace.  And Yuuri?”

 

Yuuri was studying his coffee as he listened to Chris spill all that he saw.  He looked up and met hazel eyes locked on his face.  “What else?”

 

“I don’t know for sure, just a feeling…but I think he was planning to escape...then something happened.”  Chris took the coffee offered from the waitress, waiting for her to move off before continuing.  “He was annoyed at the barrage of texts the first few days, but then the day after the short, he was terrified of the phone.”

 

“When he canceled on us,” Yuuri murmured.

 

“Exactly.”

 

“Chris...I’m very afraid for him right now.”

 

Chris frowned as he answered, “Me, too.”  Reaching a hand out, he added, “You took me into your home when I needed it.  Let me repay the favor.  Come.  Stay with me.  Meet my man.  Maybe we can figure something out.”

 

Yuuri nodded in agreement.  “It’s a lot closer to Russia than Japan or Detroit.”

 

Chris smiled sadly.  “Yes, it is.  Let’s see if we can get your flight changed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who want to get into the mind of the devil AKA Masha, read Sense and Sensibility by BluSkates. Also, stay tuned for a [Chris and Lawrie chapter](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13205118/chapters/30596538) to be posted by Blu as well.
> 
> Also, I will post MWF this week in lieu of no other stories out.


	14. All the King’s Horses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor returns home to the nightmare he hoped to escape. Yuuri looks for a way to pull him out of it.
> 
>  
> 
> WARNING  
> This chapter has triggering scenes to domestic violence. They are controlled and calculated. If you trigger to this, please heed the trigger warning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you BluSkates and Magrathea...I know you love this. I also know that some days it's a hard read. So I appreciate that you are both dedicated to reading and editing this.

* * *

 

[ All the King’s Horses ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1j2LoW3P14)

 

 

 

NOTE:  Please read the following  [ Chapter  ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13205118/chapters/30596538) in BluSkate’s side novel to see where Yuuri is during this event.  It’s not jarring and unsettling.

 

* * *

  
  


**TRIGGER WARNING:  The first two scenes depict Victor being abused.  I will end the scene with ***** for those who wish to skip it.  Summary of those scenes without the graphic content will be in the end notes.**

  
  
  


* * *

* * *

  
  
  


Victor walked in his door, followed by Makkachin who bounded through familiar spaces, stopping to check that certain corners still smelled like him.  He gave the dog a sad smile.  “I failed, Makka...I don’t know what that means for us.  I could accept quiet solitude, anonymity, I would have been happy to just be safe.  I can’t risk a child...any child...let alone one that I know.  It’s not fair.”  Within minutes of walking through the door, he received the warning text.  One hour.

 

Victor started scrambling.  Bags unpacked, laundry in the basket, dry cleaning folded neatly and prepared to be dropped off, bed put back in order...he looked around the room for anything out of place then he saw it.  One rabbit with her arm moved, a book on his nightstand, and an old letter on the floor.  Bending down, he realized it was from Yuuri.   _ Why is this here? _  Something shining under the bed caught his eye but at that moment his phone chimed a second warning told him his time was short.  Pulling himself away, he put the letter in a safe place then went to the bathroom to put himself in order.

 

The shower was quick and thorough.  He groomed in lightning speed, hair dried just enough to fall neatly into a ponytail, eyeliner, just the right amount of blush on his cheeks, a touch of shine on his lips.  He went to his closet.   _ What night was it?  Monday.  Monday was blue. _  He dug around and started to panic not finding any clean, blue tops when his fingers fell across a soft blue silk georgette blouse.   _ Would...this work? _

 

He didn’t have time to deliberate.  He pulled on the top and paired it with jeans that gave him a long, straight line ending in his black riding boots.  Tucking the shirt in neatly, he threaded a scarf through the belt loops.  The jeans settled on his hips and gave the pronounced curve of his waist more drama.

 

Sharp raps sounded on the door.  He quickly ushered Makka into the bathroom giving her a long sad look and did a quick look around the room.  Stepping before the door, he opened it.  Masha looked him up and down critically.  Reaching up, he pulled a strand of hair loose.   _ This isn’t going to be good. _  Victor stepped back as Masha pushed into the room.  He felt the seams give as Masha tugged the shirt loose from the jeans.  Victor swallowed feeling real fear and knowing better than to make a sound.

 

“I see my slut decided to bring himself home.  Since you spent two weeks whoring yourself to other men, perhaps I should treat you like one.”  He slapped the door shut behind him.

 

“It wasn’t like that,” Victor protested.

 

“Don’t lie to me, bitch.  On your knees.”  Shoving Victor back a step.

 

Victor dropped down and began to work open the front of Masha’s slacks.  As he freed the man, he felt another harsh tug on his hair.  “Don’t make a mess, whore.”  The rough hand settled on top of his head. Victor knew it would remain there until Masha decided he was satisfied.

 

Victor drew a shaky breath.  “Of course not.”

  
  


* * *

  
  


An hour later, Victor wearing a different shirt chosen by Masha, they walked out the door as if nothing happened.  Victor was careful to keep things pleasant and to avoid anything about the last two weeks.  Masha spoke in monosyllables and firm commands.  Victor was quick to comply.

 

As Victor is settled into Masha’s car, the man reached across Victor and buckled his seatbelt.  Victor remained still, hands folded in his lap.  _  I thought that was a romantic gesture the first few times he did that _ .  His eyes flicked towards Masha as he stepped into the car.   _ Now I know he was keeping me in my place. _

 

During the drive, he thought back to all of those moments that should have been warning signs, the minor corrections, the touch on the back of his neck, the tap on his wrist, all training him to comply.  He didn’t notice the big things until he was in too deep.  Glancing at Masha under his lashes, he could see the stiffness in his movements.   _ He’s not finished with me. _

 

He kept his eyes lowered as they walked into Masha’s apartment building.  He knew what was expected of him.   _ Why was it so easy for him to train me?  How do I break out of that training? _  He thought about Chris’ words.  “I’ve been where you’re at.  I didn’t think there was any way out.  He gave me a place to go, to escape, to find my feet.”   _ There is no escape.  _  “He’s working on it.  Give him time.”   _ What could you do for me, Yuuri?  Why would you even want to? _

 

A hand at the back of his neck pulled him from his thoughts and he knew he was caught.  “You are not being attentive, my dear.  Now you force me to mar your beautiful skin.”

 

Victor blinked back the tears and lifted his chin serenely.  “My apologies, Masha.  It won’t happen again.”

 

Victor focused on the hand moving down his spine.  He lowered his chin and waited.  Then the order came.  “Go into the bedroom.  Strip.  Wait for me.”

 

Victor walked immediately into the next room.  He knew he only had three minutes to prepare.  He removed his clothes and folded them carefully, placing them on the dresser.  He then moved to the foot of the bed.  Dropping to the knees, he sat on the floor, hands folded neatly in his lap.

 

The door opened and Victor fought hard to control the tremble that went through him.  He could see Masha open the closet door... _ his special closet _ ...to consider the options within.  “Since you like to run away, perhaps restraints, my love.  And I think a proper spanking.”  Victor clamped down the shiver that went through him.  Masha liked him to feel fear but not show it.  “On the bed, face down, Viten’ka.  Show me that beautiful backside of yours.”

 

Victor scrambled into place.  He felt a hand run down his ass and thigh before another firm hand strapped in his foot.  Masha moved steadily around the bed until all four limbs were restrained.  He then pulled out the cane.

 

The first blow hurts the most, he felt tears come to his eyes at the sting to his flesh.  At a certain point, however, he became numb and checked out mentally.  Then darkness, left alone, still restrained and trapped inside his own mental nightmare.  He focused on one thought.  “Give him time.”   _ That’s all I have.  Time. _

 

At some point, Victor was released and ordered to clean himself up.  He stumbled into the bathroom and showered.  The sting of the water against his back was anything but soothing.  Muffling yelps into the knuckles he crammed into his mouth, and keeping his eyes away from the thin streams of blood washing down the drain.  Stepping out, he dried off and took care of other needs.  He then returned to the bedroom and folded himself back into position at the foot of the bed.

 

Masha sat down next to him, running his fingers through Victor’s hair in a soothing motion.  “Viten’ka, you know I hate having to punish you.  If you would just be good for me, I could reward you.  You’ve had your dalliance.  I hope you know I won’t tolerate such indiscretion again.”

 

“Of course not, Masha.  I was foolish to think otherwise.”

 

“Good, now that we’re clear, let me see to your wounds.”  Victor was guided over to a stool where he sat while Masha spread a salve onto the wounds.  They stung but Victor knew better than to react.  He sat serenely, hands folded in his lap.  When Masha finished, he tapped Victor twice on the cheek with two fingers.  Victor looked up.  “I think you will remain naked for the rest of the evening...so that I may look upon my handiwork.  Now, go prepare dinner.”  As Victor stood, he felt a swat across his ass that could have been playful, but it was Masha.

 

_ It’s Monday.  Dinner is  _ [ _ shchi _ ](https://www.thespruce.com/traditional-russian-cabbage-soup-shchi-recipe-1135534) _.  _  He prepared the meal by memory, careful to clean as he went.  When he served dinner, the table was set precisely.  Victor dropped to his knees on the floor next to Masha’s chair and waited to see if he’d be given permission to eat.  Masha walked through the kitchen and checked to see if everything was clean, dried and put away.  The soup was allowed to be in the pot but the ladle had to be washed and placed back into the urn of utensils.  Once the kitchen passed inspection, he sat down to taste the soup.  “You did well, my love.  You should have some.”  Victor stood up, relieved he would at least get a meal.  As he walked towards the kitchen, he heard Masha’s voice cut through the air.  “Only half a ladle, dearest.  Don’t think I haven’t noticed the weight gain from your time away.  So much work to create perfection only to have it spoiled.”

 

Victor returned with the dish and held it out for approval before taking his seat.  He ate with slow precise movements timed with Masha’s.  Once they both finished, he stood and took their bowls, washing them and putting them away.  _  I made it through the evening. _  “Give him time.”  Those words echoed through him as the only anchor he had at this point.   _ This problem’s too big for you, Yuuri. _  Still, he clung to what hope he had.

 

“Viten’ka, come here.”  Victor went rigid from the tone.   _ Oh, it’s not over. _

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  


*****

 

Victor woke up stiff and sore from Mikhail’s punishment.  He’d grown used to the horrible treatment at those coarse hands, but the man had never worked him over this hard before.  The painfully slender young man pulled his knees to his chest, trying to block out the worst of it.  What he could remember was awful, and he was oddly grateful knowing he must have passed out at some point.  _ At least I’m spared some of it. _

 

Rolling over he realized he was alone.   _ He must’ve been called out to the docks.  _  Victor pushed out of bed ignoring the pain ripping through his entire body and carefully made the bed removing any evidence of his presence.  He padded across the carpet and picked up his clothes, pulling them on without ceremony, careful to lay the material gently over the marred flesh on his back. _  I don’t want to be here when he returns.  _  Picking up his keys and phone, he started to head downstairs. _  I’m too scared to go home. _   He looked at his phone.  It was late.  Two in the morning.  Who could he call?  He didn’t think he could walk all the way back to his place, his legs were burning from just walking down the hall.

 

As he scrolled down through his contacts, he found Katya and Pyotr’s number.   _ Pyotr has always picked up his rinkmates when they had too much to drink.  Would he do the same for this? _  He tapped the contact on his screen and listened for the connection.  It took a moment then he heard a sleepy female voice.  “Hello?”

 

“Katya?”

 

“Vitya?  Is that you?  Are you okay?”  He could hear the fear in his voice even as he tapped his feet impatiently.  He wanted to be someplace safe.

 

“I...I just need some place to stay.  I’m...stuck.”

 

She paused, working through what he said, “Let me get Pyotr.”

 

He heard voices in the background negotiating then the phone changed hands and a male voice came through.   “Vitya?  Where are you?”

 

“I’m at Masha’s…”  Victor hoped he remembered the location.

 

“On my way.  Is there a public bathroom where you can wait?”

 

“Y-yes?” Victor was startled by the urgency in the man’s voice.

 

“Okay...I’ll call you when I arrive.  Go to the _ women’s _ bathroom, okay?”  Pytor gave the instructions in a even tone, but one that wasn’t open for debate.

 

Victor nodded and then remembered Pyotr couldn’t see him.  “Okay.”

 

He slipped past the lobby into the downstairs public bathroom.  The building was nice so it was kept clean.  Somehow he understood the urge to hide that was communicated in the way Pyotr spoke.  He opened a stall and pulled his feet up as he sat on the stool.  And he waited.  Finally his phone buzz.

 

Pyotr didn’t push with his questions as he drove back towards their neighborhood.  “Do you want to go home?”

 

“No...well, can I go get Makka?”

 

“Of course.  And perhaps you might want to throw an overnight bag together,” he suggested.

 

“Yes, thank you.”

 

“Do you skate tomorrow?” Pyotr kept his eyes on the road, but flicked occasionally to the man seated next to him.  He could see Victor running through his schedule in his mind, something about tomorrow terrified him.

 

“No, it’s a rest day.  I skate the next.”

 

Shrugging, Pyotr made his tone light, “Perhaps you can stay over for the day.”

 

“I don’t want to be a bother.”  Victor was tempted, two days spent in warmth and comfort was appealing.   _ What would he do to you and Katya if he found out? _

 

Pyotr made quick to reassure him.  “You are never a bother.”

 

A quick stop at Victor’s building and then they were driving over to the brownstone where Pyotr and Katya lived.  Pyotr noticed the winces and the slow movements, but, smartly, he made no comment.  Katya opened the door and pulled Victor inside, not catching the look of pain as his battered little form was jostled into a concerned hug.  Pyotr unclipped Makka’s lead while his partner fussed over Victor.  “You look pale.  Are you alright?  What happened?”

 

Victor’s lower lip puckered and his chin quivered for a moment but he held fast to his secrets.  Dropping his eyes to the floor, “We just had a fight.  He wasn’t happy about the pictures posted taken with my friends.  He thought...they were something more.”

 

“Oh, Vitya…” He knew she wasn’t convinced by the lie, but he didn’t have the strength to keep up the facade for much longer.

 

Showing his exhaustion Victor pleaded, “Please...I just want someplace to sleep.”

 

“Of course, sweetheart.”  She missed the way he stiffened at the endearment.  “We can talk more in the morning.”  She led him back to the guest room.  He’d stayed there more than once and knew his way around but she insisted on making sure he had everything he needed before leaving him alone.

 

Outside the door, further down the hallway he could hear the hushed voices going back and forth.  Catching small phrases that confirmed what he already suspected,  _ they know. _  He listened for their voices to subside before pulling out his pajamas.  Walking across the hall to the guest bathroom, he stood in front of the mirror as he undressed.  With the full length mirror on the wall behind him and the counter mirror in front, he was able to get a better view of what had transpired, including what he hadn’t been conscious for.  _  I don’t think I can keep this up much longer.   _ Dressing into his pajamas, he went back to his room and climbed into bed.  Makkachin wriggled in next to him.

 

“I’m horrible, Makka.  I just take it and don’t fight back.  But...h-he has bad connections.”  He looked towards his feet hidden under the quilt in defeat.  “If it was just me, I would have run.  But...he could hurt others I care about.”  A soft whimper pulled his attention to the poodle.  “I should have sent you home with Yuuri.  He would have taken the best of care of you.”   _ Maybe I should make out a will...in case something happens to me.  I’d want Yuuri to have Makka.  He’d fly here to get her, too. _

 

Thoughts of Yuuri had his fingers straying to his phone and he had the contact open before he shut it down.   _ I don’t see how you can help me.  I know what Chris said...but what can you do? _

 

Victor didn’t talk to Katya and Pyotr.  The next morning he slipped away when no one was looking, walking home.  Katya and Pyotr called to make sure he was okay.  Victor was quick to reassure them.  

 

* * *

  
  
  


“We can’t just let him go back there,” Katya argued to the small group assembled in their apartment.  “You saw how he moved.”

 

“He’s got to want our help,” Pyotr sighed warily.  Still, they had called the other adult members of the skating family and gathered them around the kitchen table.

 

“What are we going to do?” Ivan stated.  “I’m in if you want to kick his ass.”  

 

_ Or close to adult members. _  “If it were that simple, I’d call my brother,” Pyotr pointed out.

 

“Why isn’t it that simple?” Ivan pushed.  “He’s hurting Victor.”

 

“I think he’s doing more than hurting him,” Pyotr said quietly.  He looked up as he felt Katya squeeze his shoulder.  “And worse, he’s connected pretty high up.”

 

Anya slid her hand into Georgi’s.  They were on at the moment.  “Mikhail Volkov is a snake.  It wouldn’t surprise me to learn he stalked our Victor.”   _ Okay, so he’s our Victor now.  Convenient, Anya.  _  Pyotr sighed and turned back to the others.   _ But...what she said...it made sense. _

 

“We need to make sure he knows we are a safe place for him to turn when things are too much,” Georgi said quietly.  “I’m glad he felt he could call you both.”

 

“But he didn’t stay.  He left this morning when our backs were turned,” Katya stated with a frown.

 

Georgi thinned his lips.  “He would, though, wouldn’t he?  I mean, he’s not ready to let any of us truly into his trouble.  He possibly thought he was protecting you.  We just have to hope and pray he will open up before it’s too late.”

 

Pyotr frowned and met Dmitry’s eyes.  “Dmitry, will you tell them what you witnessed?”

 

The other man nodded, his eyes dropping to the hands folded in front of him on the table.  “He didn’t see me.  You know how he always waits to have the locker room last.  Well, I forgot something in my locker and ran back to get it.  I...caught him as he was stepping into the shower.  The bruises I saw on his back...those don’t come from skating.”

 

“When I picked him up last night,” Pyotr added, “He moved like he’d been hit by a car.”

 

The meeting of friends broke up with the general consensus that nobody knew how to solve the problem.

 

* * *

  
  
  


Little Yuri Plisetsky returned to St. Petersburg, however, and he remembered that the promise made to Victor had expired.  When Lilia dropped him off at the rink, he marched into Yakov’s office.  “I need to tell you something, Yakov.”

 

“What’s going on, Yura?”

 

With all the tenderness of a child raised in an unstable home in a bad neighborhood, Yuri Plisetsky sliced through the nonsense to the heart of the matter.  “You know how Victor always makes sure he’s by himself to shower?  Well, it’s for good reason.  That fucker he’s dating is beating the crap out of him.”

 

Yakov studied the boy before he asked, “How do you know?”

 

“I walked in on him...around three weeks ago?  Before the Olympics.  Anyway, he freaked out.  Begged me not to tell.  I…”  Those green eyes darted to the floor.  “I sorta promised I’d keep quiet until after the Olympics.”

 

“And that’s why you are here now,” Yakov surmised.

 

“You’ve gotta get him out of there,” Yuri pressed.  “I don’t think he knows how to get out of it himself.  He’s really scared.”

 

“You did the right thing telling me, Yura.  I admit I already suspected.  But unless he’s ready to get help, he won’t accept it.”

 

“I just hope he doesn’t fucking get his ass killed,” Yura declared and slammed out of the office.

 

As the door closed, Yakov said under his breath, “Me, too.”  Yakov pulled out the schedule and studied it.  “Maybe I can find a way to keep you busy...and away from him as much as possible.”  Running his lands over the time slots, he nodded to himself.  “You’re really good with the kids.  Let’s put you in charge of them.  When you’re not skating, you’ll be teaching.  I’ll tie it to your government funds so that  _ you  _ can’t get out of it and  _ he  _ has to accept it.”

 

* * *

  
  


Georgi stared at the contact for a long time after meeting with the others.  “I can’t just sit back and do nothing.”  He sent the call through.  Soon a sleepy Japanese voice answered.

 

“Hello?”

 

Georgi scrambled, stuck between feeling horrible for waking Yuuri but desperate to pull the man into this. “Yuuri, I’m sorry.  I just...I didn’t know who to call.  I know you have resources others don’t have available to them.  And...I don’t care how you have them because you are a good man.”

 

“What’s this about, Georgi?”  He could hear the Japanese man struggling to wake up, bring his brain online.

 

“Vitya...he’s in real trouble.  Several have seen marks on his body.”

 

Yuuri was quiet for a moment before sighing, “I know.  Chris witnessed them as well.”

 

“It’s like he has no hope, Yuuri.  I have nothing to offer him but I know you.  You can reach people that others can’t.  Is there some way you can talk some sense into him?”

 

“I can’t call him, Georgi.  It will make it worse.  And he’s  _ not  _ calling me.”

 

Georgi immediately came to the next conclusion, if Mohammed won’t go to the mountain, perhaps the mountain can come to him.  “Then come to Russia.  Talk to him in person.  You can stay at my house even.”

 

“Georgi…”  The sigh down the line did nothing to dissuade the Russian.

 

“No, listen.  I know if I do nothing, I’ll regret it my whole life.  If you do the same…”  He knew he had him, there was no way Yuuri could turn away from this.

 

Yuuri sighed and Georgi knew before he answered, “I’ll catch the next flight,” that he would come.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Phichit frowned as he read through the information he just hacked into.  Shipping manifests out of the port in St. Petersburg, Volkov territory.  It wasn’t what was there that was interesting, but what was missing.  Numbers dropped out of sequence at regular intervals, as if the paperwork had been pulled.  He had noticed chatter about empty crates that got hushed quickly, then followed the shipping routes...straight to Volkov territory.  Then followed the accounts, or lack of accounts, in associated banks.  Then his breath hitched as he saw the familiar name the account was in...

 

“Oh, shit!  I’ve got to tell Yuuri!”

 

He scrambled for his phone call his roommate’s number.  No response.  Phichit frowned.  _  This wasn’t like Yuuri. _  He glanced at the time then called Chris.  “Have you heard from Yuuri?”

 

“ _ Bonjour _ , Phichit.  How are you?  It’s nice of you to call and inquire about my health as well.”

 

Pushing niceties aside he huffed, “Chris!  I don’t have time for this!”

 

The Swiss sobered.  “He was here meeting my boyfriend Lawrie but now he’s flying to Russia. Why?”

 

“Russia?”

 

“ _ Oui _ .  He dropped some information in the chatroom...did you not check?”

 

“No, I guess not.  I’m not used to my roommate not being at my beck and call.”

 

“What’s wrong?”  Chris’ voice took on a more concerned tone as he realized that this wasn’t a  _ where you leave the remote _ conversation.

 

“I think...I found Volkov’s mistake.”

 

“Besides fucking with Yuuri’s man?”

 

“If this lines up with what Yuuri’s found, his superiors are  _ not  _ going to be happy, and we really need to get Victor out as quickly as possible.”

 

Logging into the chatroom, he studied the logs he missed.

 

**Pan/ Georgi called...Vitya is in bad shape.  We’ve got to get him out of there soon.**

 

**Pan/ I’m flying to Russia.  I need to do something.  I can’t just sit by and watch.  Maybe he’ll come with me.**

 

Phichit considered what he wanted to send to him online.  The room was secure but any good hacker could break in.

 

**Peach/ I’ve turned up some interesting chatter.  We should talk.**

 

_ There, that should catch his attention.  Maybe they can get Victor out of there. _

 

* * *

  
  


SUMMARY OF FIRST TWO SCENES:

 

Victor returned home with a sense of hopelessness not wanting to risk putting Yuri in danger.  He noticed a letter from Yuuri found on the floor thinking it odd and put it back in its place.  He then prepares to face Masha.  He focuses on Chris’ words from Euros as he endures his abuse.  “I’ve been where you’re at.  I didn’t think there was any way out.  He gave me a place to go, to escape, to find my feet.  He’s working on it.  Give him time.”  Even in his hopelessness, he clings to this one hope...that Yuuri can find some way to get him out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Yuuri's on his way to St. Petersburg...


	15. Dive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri arrives at St. Petes...and learns about the collateral being held over Victor's head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to BluSkates and Magrathea for the edits.

* * *

 

[ Dive ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wnn4sce2hks)

 

Victor laid curled up in his bed, book in hand, a reprieve from his reality.  He frowned as he turned the page.  Mila’s tastes in book went a little young but he promised to read this.  Now he wondered if she was trying to tell him something as he read through the self-talk in  [ _ Wintergirls _ ](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/5152478-wintergirls) .  Sighing, he set it aside, the dialogue too real for him at the moment.  He had wanted to use this time to free himself of reality, lose himself in gentle fiction.

 

A whine from the warm fall of fur at his feet drew his attention, “Makka, she must think I’m anorexic.”  He stood up, walking into the bathroom, he studied how his clothes hung on his frame.  “I do...look waiflike.  Is this attractive to him?”  Makkachin whimpered brushing her head against his hand.  Victor looked down with a smile.  “I know.  You see me.  You understand.  I just wish...you could tell me what to do.”

 

A chime alerted him to a text.  From  _ Him _ .  Victor immediately changed his expression to serenity, putting up the mask he wore for Masha even when on the phone.  He recovered his phone from the bedding and opened up the text.

 

**Masha/ Viten’ka, where are you?**

 

_ Oh, shit!  I need an excuse.  _  He tugged on his thoughts before answering.

 

**Victor/ Yakov wanted me to look over some sponsor contracts.**

 

**Masha/ I thought it was a day off.**

 

**Victor/ Rest day just means no skating practice.**

 

Victor huffed in annoyance.   _ I’ve explained this.  Over and over.  Sometimes I do other things besides practice and perform.  Of course, in this case it’s a lie. _

 

**Masha/ When do you finish?**

 

Victor studied the wall.   _ Never?   _ He knew that wouldn’t be accepted but it was oh, so tempting.   _ Yuuri...get me out of this!  _  More and more, Chris’ words had become a promise he clung to.

 

**Victor/ I’ll be home at my usual time.**

 

**Masha/ I’ll pick you up at six.  Sharp.**

 

_ Of course.  At least I have a few more hours to myself.  Maybe...I’ll play with Makkachin.  We could take a walk.  Pretend like none of this is happening. _

  
  


* * *

  
  


The Japanese man took a day to get to St. Petersburg but from Switzerland, the flight was short.  Yuuri was more agitated than tired.  He looked at Georgi’s directions.  Showing it to the cab driver, the other man grunted.  Yuuri’s guard moved in closer and the cabby became more amenable.  The man could identify unquestioned authority when he saw it, and Yuuri brought his scariest guard with him.  Working in St. Petersburg had honed this skill in the cab driver.  He just didn’t expect it from foreigners.   _ I guess all people have their criminal element. _

 

In a different situation he would have joked, this man was a professional, but off the job he was a teddy bear.  Yuuri tipped generously, though, and the man became much more friendly when unloading his belongings.  Yuuri texted Georgi, and soon the man ran out to meet him.  “We can put your things in my car.”

 

“I forgot to mention...my traveling companions.”  Yuuri gestured to the two guards standing a few paces away.

 

Georgi shrugged.  “I kinda expected them.  I’ve seen them with you at competitions.”

 

He turned to introduce them.  “Akio and Ryota, this is Georgi.  He is hosting us during our stay.”  They followed Georgi to the car and loaded their luggage in the trunk.  Yuuri just brought basic clothes for this trip leaving the rest of his gear with Chris.

 

Georgi then led Yuuri inside.  Yakov looked up with surprise as the Japanese skater approached.  Watching his brown eyes search out the rink for Victor, he approached the man.  Yakov stopped him short, “He’s been through enough.”

 

Yuuri felt his breath leave him, but pushed out, “I will never hurt him intentionally.  Everything that’s transpired between us has been due to bad communication, sir.  I wasn’t up front about my own insecurities and my feelings towards him when I should have been.”

 

Yakov’s voice cracked, an event that hadn’t happened in 40 years.  “He’s like a son to me.”

 

“I know, sir.  He’s said as much.”  Meeting the crinkled eyes of the aged man, he added, “I only want to help.”

 

Yakov turned towards the beautiful skater and watched him launch into a triple flip.  “Maybe you can do what we can’t.”  He backed off and Yuuri continued towards the barrier.

 

Yuuri watched him for a full five minutes before the long-haired beauty noticed him.  Skating to the opening, he came off the ice and put on the guards, moving out of the light and into the shadows of the stand.  Studying the Japanese man before him, he asked softly, “Why are you here?”

 

“I’ve been worried about you since you left.  I had to see you...to make sure you’re okay,” Yuuri rushed through his explanation, his hand reaching out to stroke Victor’s cheek but not quite making contact.   _ Not until he invites it _ .

 

Victor shook his head and Yuuri could see the panic in those blue eyes circling the rink, looking everywhere.  “I can’t be seen with you.” 

 

“Why?” Yuuri pushes with one simple word.

 

Victor darts his eyes around and Yuuri could see the war in the tiny body.  Yuuri followed the eyes, other skaters, Yakov, Georgi, a thin girl pushing a janitor’s cart seemed interested in them but moved on when she noticed Yuuri’s glance.  Finally, he leaned forward, hand going to Yuuri’s shoulder as he whispered into his ear, “I am scared of what Masha will do.  He’s bad, Yuuri.  Really bad.  I...messed up.”

 

“Vitya,” Yuuri whispered back.  “He tricked you.  This is not your fault.”

 

Victor shook his head and Yuuri could see the tears brimming.  “I don’t know what to do,” he confessed.  His eyes kept darting across the ice.  Yuuri followed his glances and spotted a young skater, probably a preteen.  When Victor was certain Yuuri was looking in the right direction he continued, “He’s threatened him, Yuuri.  He’s just a kid.  I’m scared of what he’ll do to those I care about.  If it were just me...I tried to escape.  I was going to disappear after the Olympics.  But...he sent me this.”

 

Victor fished out his phone and showed the photo of Yuri to him.  Yuuri frowned as he studied the context and the words before and after.  He caught glimpses of the controlling text messages.  His jaw tightened as he clamped down on his own anger.  He had known from the beginning that it wasn’t just a matter of getting Victor away from that man.  He knew he had to shut him down.  This merely served to confirm it.  But Victor was right.  At the moment, he couldn’t take him away as much as he wanted.  Victor would never be able to forgive himself if he knew anyone was hurt because of him.

 

“I’m working on something.  It will work.” Yuuri handed back the phone and allowed a finger to run against Victor’s palm.

 

Victor shrugged.  “I want to believe you.  But this is my screw up...I don’t want anyone else hurt.”

 

“Trust me,” Yuuri whispered.

 

“Why?”

 

“Because…”  Yuuri closed his eyes knowing that his words could go bad but he had to get them out.  “Because I’ve only ever loved you.”

 

Victor’s hands go up over his nose and mouth and Yuuri could see the tears breaking free.  “You’re telling me this now?”

 

“I’ve been telling you from the beginning.  From the moment we met...I only now found the words.”

 

“Oh, Yuuri…”  Victor broke away and ran off.  Yuuri watched him retreat and then turned to meet the pity in Georgi’s eyes, the stoic looks of his men, and the not so friendly gaze of Ivan and Dmitry who were far enough away they didn’t hear the conversation but observed Victor’s reaction.

 

“Let’s get you to my place for the night,” Georgi suggested.

 

In the car, he asked Georgi, “Did you hear about what he said about the boy?”

 

Georgi tightened his jaw and nodded, keeping his hands steady as he negotiated the road.  “That actually explains a lot.  Victor wouldn’t ask for help at first, I’m sure, due to his pride.  But once he started getting in over his head, we couldn’t figure out what was holding him back.  Especially Katya and Pyotr.  He practically spent half the time over there before Volkov.”

 

“It makes sense that Volkov would use his concern for others to control him.  He’s a narcopath and he’s going to dig out Victor’s weaknesses.”

 

“My girlfriend suspects the man stalked him beforehand.  I guess that picture you sent me supports that theory,” Georgi stated as he pulled into the drive of a small complex.  “My place isn’t very big,” he apologized.

 

Yuuri waved it off.  “My place in Detroit is a glorified dorm suite.  Two bedrooms attached to a kitchen/living room.  At least I have my own bathroom.  Phichit and I have very different bathroom habits.”

 

Georgi chuckled at that.  “I can imagine.  I guess I figured with your grandfather you’d have nice digs.”

 

Yuuri laughed warmly.  “Not really.  I mean, I could but I don’t need it and I like rooming with Phichit.  My previous roommate sucked, but Peach is great.”

 

“I moved here recently...better sponsors.  It’s noisy in the apartments that accommodate athletes...more like sports dormitories.  Well, where I was located.  Vitya’s apartment is quieter.  There are a few families as well.  Pyotr wanted him close to his brother, who is also attending classes at the university.”

 

“Pyotr’s brother is a hockey player, isn’t he?” Yuuri asked.  At Georgi’s nod, he added, “That surprises me that it’s so quiet.”  A slight smile found his lips.  He remembered hockey players back home.  More than one had come onto him at the rink but he wasn’t interested.  Phichit dated a couple of them, though.  They quickly lost interest given Phichit’s low libido.

 

“There were several at the rink that didn’t like all of the noise.  They got together and traded rooms until Victor’s building occured.  Nobody hassled little Vitya...even though, well, you know...he tends toward the more feminine side.  Everyone just looked out for him like a kid brother.  There are even a couple of families.  Coaches and older athletes.  He...brings out the protective side.  I think we’ve always felt that way.”

 

“But now there’s Volkov.  Does he stay in his apartment?”

 

Georgi frowned.  “I don’t think so.  Not overnight.  I don’t think he’s allowed.  This building is strict.  Guests have to be registered with the building.  At least Victor hasn’t opened that up.  He needs...a place to get away.”  Yuuri could feel his anger rising up once more and put a tight rein on it.  “When he introduced us, that’s when I put it all together.  And really, we didn’t expect Victor to stay with him.  We thought it was just a rebound.” Georgi bit his tongue, that had come out too fast.

 

Yuuri studied his feet.  “This is all my fault,” he whispered.

 

Georgi didn’t bother the disagree, knowing that Yuuri wouldn’t accept it, and Georgi wasn’t sure he didn’t half agree himself.  “Did you mean it?  What you said back there?  About being in love with him?”

 

“There’s no one else for me,” Yuuri murmured.  “But even if he chose not to be with me, I’d help him get out of this.”

 

Georgi thinned his lips and nodded.  “Then I’ll help you any way that I can.  For Vitya.”  He held out his hand.

 

Yuuri took the offered hand and shook it.  “For Vitya,” he echoed.

 

Georgi made borscht and generously fed his guests.  Yuuri crashed out in Georgi’s guest room/office that night, his guards taking shifts and sleeping on the couch.  Yuuri wanted to try once more to talk to Victor before he left.

 

* * *

  
  
  


Victor went through the motions of preparing for six, sharp.  He was in a panic.   _ Yuuri is here!  Shit!  What if He finds out?   _ He took extra care to find perfection, checking himself, his face, makeup, hair, outfit, in the mirror several times.  He couldn’t be anything less than perfect at this point.  There was too much at risk.

 

Then the sharp raps on the door announced He was there.  Victor froze, wishing he could just jump back into his book.   _ I just want to hide _ .  It took everything in him to walk to the door.  He closed his eyes, and drew a deep breath slipping on the mask of serenity.  He opened the door and smiled.  “Masha, it’s good to see you.”

 

“Is it?”  He moved into Victor’s space, closing the door behind him.  “Tell me about your visitor today.”

 

_ Shit!  How did he know? _  “I-I told him to leave.”

 

“I told you to cut all ties with him.”

 

Victor’s mind caught up with him.  He moved into Masha’s space, sliding an arm around his neck and lifting his lips towards him.  “He came on his own.  I’m here.  With you.”  Leaning into to kiss his lips, he added, “Why would I want anyone else?”

 

“Just remember what’s at stake, my love,” Masha growled, pulling Victor close, his hands running down his side.  “Show me how much you want me.”

 

Victor made quick calculations.   _ What would he want? _  He began unbuttoning Masha’s shirt, his hands sliding around his waist, careful to keep the trembling from being noticable.  He moved his kiss down Masha’s chest, nipping and kissing.  He heard a moan escape the other man’s lips and knew he was on track.  _  I may get through this night after all. _

 

* * *

  
  
  


The next day the Japanese man returned to the rink.  He loved watching Victor’s movements on the ice but Yuuri could see the melancholy in his movements.  He was stiff on his turns and Yuuri could see the soreness and ache within him as he glided across the ice.

 

Victor spotted him.  He huffed, skating up to Yuuri.  “Go away, Yuuri.  Go back home.”  His voice was loud for others to hear and there was demand in his words.  The eyes started traveling all over the rink again.

 

“I can’t,” Yuuri responded keeping his voice low, his eyes searching the man in front of him then following them around the rink.  

 

Victor frowned, blinking back tears.  Lowering his own voice, he begged desperately, “It’s too late.  I’m not worth your time.  Just let me go.”

 

“You’re worth everything, Vitya,” Yuuri declared softly.   _ I may as well lay it all out there. _

 

Victor grimaced and pushed him away, repeating a little louder, “Go away, Yuuri!”

 

“I can’t,” Yuuri returned keeping his voice low so other ears won’t hear him.

 

Victor glanced towards the blond skating across the rink.  “He’ll hurt little Yuri.  I think he’s watching me,” Victor whispered.

 

Yuuri’s eyes followed his to the boy.  “I know...this is a complication, but I’ll figure a way out,” he promised.

 

“Just let me go.”  Yuuri could sense the desperation in his words.  But he had to make one more plea.

 

“I can’t,” he whispered, his hand going to Victor’s cheek finally making contact, brushing away the tears.  The skin beneath his thumb was dry, brittle, not the skin of someone with a strict beauty routine.  “If I believed you wanted to be free of me, I’d let you go...but I won’t leave you in this mess.  I can’t.”

 

“I won’t let him hurt them,” Victor whispered urgently.  “They are my family.”

 

“I understand, Vitya.  Trust me, I understand.”  He ran his eyes around to see the many eyes on him, watching protectively over Victor.  Turning to rest them on Victor, he reached a thumb over to brush across the pale, trembling lips.  He knew he was hurting Victor, but if he could just plant the right seeds, perhaps Victor would find the courage he needed.  “I’ll leave you for now.  I wanted to take you with me but I do understand...about family.  Just know this.  In my mind, you are  _ my  _ family.  Whether you accept it or not.”  He then whispered, “This is for you.”  Raising his voice, he declared, “Fine!  I’m gone!  I guess I misunderstood.  I thought we had something.”  He held onto those blue eyes until he was sure Victor understood.

 

Yuuri let him go...for the moment, turning to walk out of the rink.  Victor’s lingering eyes followed him out of the rink.  The air left the rink with him, Victor felt the bars to his cage shut even tighter.  It was then that Victor noticed two men following Yuuri out.  Victor watched them speak to him and him turning to listen then shake his head.

 

“Who are those men, Georgi?” he asked as the older skater approached.

 

“His bodyguards.  You’ve never noticed them?” Georgi answered as he followed Victor’s gaze.  Victor’s eyes widened in surprise.  “They are with him anytime he travels.  I don’t think they are as present when he’s in the States.  Or at least, not so closely.  I’ve seen them pretty much at every competition, though.”

 

“Why does he have bodyguards?” Victor asked wrinkling his brow.

 

Georgi frowned.   _ Because nobody reads the news anymore _ .  “Because he’s one of the Katsuki heirs.  Like not a nephew, but a grandson of the old man.”

 

Victor felt only more confused by Georgi’s answer and realized he didn’t know much about Yuuri.   _ Can you get me out? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you didn't think it was going to be so easy. But soon, my dears. Someone else is about to step in.


	16. God Bless this Mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri and Yakov both work the problem from different angles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay...so a little hope...

* * *

 

[ God Bless this Mess ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5KuUCvLVkzM)

  
  


No sooner was the plane up in the air then Yuuri wrestled free of his seatbelt.  His grandfather sat across from him, eyeing the erratic movements of the younger man with amused concern.  “You’re lucky my business took me to Finland, Grandson.  I don’t think you could sit still long enough to be tolerated on a commercial flight.”

 

“I’m sorry, Sofu.  It’s just...things are not going well.”  He stopped his pacing and dropped into the seat next to the older man, pulling his feet behind him.  He still couldn’t settle his nerves.

 

“How can I help?” his grandfather offered.

 

“I think he has someone watching Victor at the rink, in fact I’m almost positive.  And...he’s threatened one of the other skaters, the novice Victor is mentoring, keeping Victor emotionally a prisoner.”

 

His grandfather considered this information, Yuuri knew that he had to use finesse when working in another person’s territory.  His grandfather’s  _ business _ was conducted largely in Japan and across friendly borders in Vietnam, South Korea, and China.  He was very aware at the delicate dance of stepping into another’s space.  “The Baronovsky family...they used to hold St. Petersburg.  Much easier to work with.  Volkovs, they deal in distasteful merchandise.  There is no honor in human trafficking.  We don’t have any personnel in their territory, but we have allies there.”

 

“What are you thinking?”  Yuuri finally stopped fidgeting and sat up straight.

 

“Something to tip the scales.”  Sofu’s eyes squeezed shut, a sure tell that he was considering the cards before him.  He was a terrible poker player, Mari cleaned house at every chance.  “Do you have any other information?”

 

“I don’t want people caught in the crossfire, Sofu,” Yuuri protested.

 

The older man smiled indulgently.   _ Yuuri only had a taste for blood when those he loved were threatened, and even then he had no stomach for it.  Mari is the better choice to take over this legacy. _  But that didn’t mean he didn’t enjoy indulging his grandson.  “Of course not, Grandson.”

 

Then Yuuri started talking to him about the inconsistencies he was finding in his rival’s accounts.  “When you told me to ‘follow the money’, I wasn’t sure how that would help me.”

 

“Now you appreciate an old man’s advice,” he chuckled.  Reaching out to take his grandson’s hand, he added, “Men who view their lovers as property are usually greedy in other aspects.”

 

Yuuri looked up with wide eyes.  “Property.  I hadn’t thought…”

 

“You wouldn’t...because you don’t.  And for that I am glad.  You are more of a man in that respect.”

 

Yuuri appreciated his grandfather taking him into Switzerland.  “I wish you would come to Worlds,” Yuuri murmured.

 

“I’ve been away too long on business and I, too, have a lover that must be attended to,” his grandfather pointed out.

 

Yuuri smiled at the thought of his grandfather chasing after his latest conquest.  In all that, through all of the women that had shared his bed and even his name, he always treated them well.  Then there was Yuuri’s father, a man who honored and cherished one woman since before Yuuri was born, and would, undoubtedly, continue to for the rest of their lives.   _ That’s what I want.  One love. _  “I understand, Sofu.  Have a safe journey.”

 

“You know how to reach me if I can help you.”

 

“I know...I will remember.”

 

“Good.  I look forward to seeing you when you come home for the summer.”

 

“Until then.”  Yuuri bowed and then disembarked with his guard.  Time was ticking away and he had to find a way to free Victor.   _ Then he can choose.  Choose me...Vitya.  Give me one last chance, and I know I can treat you better.  _

 

* * *

  
  


Chris greeted Yuuri on his arrival back at their flat.  “He didn’t come?”

 

Yuuri smiled sadly.  “As these things always are, it was much more complicated that I originally thought.”

 

Chris’ partner Lawrie thinned his lips thoughtfully.  “Did he want to come?”

 

“I think...he did.  He definitely wanted out, but Volkov threatened someone close to him.”

 

“Fuck!” Chris muttered.  Seeing his friend’s confused reaction, Chris explained.  “Sorry, Yuuri...it’s just the oldest trick in the book.”

 

“Except this time it was made by someone with the connections to carry through with it.”  He kept his eyes on Chris, making sure the Swiss man knew his meaning.  “My limited presence rocked the boat.  I don’t know if I helped...or made it worse.”

 

“Did you at least get Phichit’s message?” Chris asked.

 

Yuuri wrinkled his brow.  Pulling out his phone, he studied his notifications.  “I guess I didn’t realize he was trying to reach me.”

 

“He left a message on the board.”

 

Yuuri reached for his computer bag and pulled it out.  Sitting cross-legged in the floor, he logged into the message board of the  _ Pandamonium Room _ .  Reading the message, he took his phone out in a rush.

 

“Phichit!  I just received your message!  What’s up?”

 

“Did you get him out?”  Phichit’s voice was strained and Yuuri could hear the Thai man trying to keep his composure.

 

Yuuri’s face fell and he mumbled, “It’s complicated.”

 

“It just got more complicated.  Are you secure?”

 

Yuuri quickly ran through the wireless communication between the two in his head.  “I’m at Chris and Lawrie’s and you know this phone is encrypted.”

 

“So, I ran across some chatter about missing shipments coming out of a St. Petersburg dock and I followed it.  I was right, it led right to him.  There are even missing manifests. But the money’s there, just no product.”

 

“So we’ve got him!”

 

“Yuuri...there’s more.”  Phichit’s tone stilled Yuuri.  He knew he wasn’t going to like what Phichit told him.  “He’s filtering some of his money through a civilian account, running it through to cover his tracks from the government and his own family.  Yuuri, he’s using Victor’s account, which is more heavily monitored because of the funds for skating.  If it’s discovered by the government, Victor could be looking at serious jail time.  Do you know what they would do to someone that pretty in jail?”

 

Yuuri could feel his breathing becoming uneven, his eyes unfocusing as he struggled to get air.  Quick hands rescued his phone and he heard Chris’ voice telling Phichit, “He can’t talk right now...yes, he appears to be hyperventilating...don’t worry.  Lawrie is talking him down…he’ll call you back.”  Chris rang off and placed the phone beside him.

 

“Vitya,” he gasped.

 

“You can’t help him if you are unconscious,” Lawrie stated calmly.  “Now, breath into the bag.”  Yuuri took the bag and followed Lawrie’s firm directions as he was guided through the process.  Once his breathing was under control, Lawrie guided him into a focused meditation, his voice firm and commanding.  Yuuri could hear the dominant in his personality mixing with the therapist, working perfectly in conjunction.

 

Finally, Yuuri could speak.  “Vitya...he’s laundering his funds through Vitya’s accounts.”

 

The two men exchanged glances.  Chris who knew a little more about what Yuuri did in the background of his life asked the next question.  “Can you fix it?”

 

Yuuri blinked a moment before he nodded.  “Yes.  I can clean this up.  Let me have my phone.”  He dialed Phichit’s number once more.  When the Thai man answered, he went into a series of apologies until Yuuri’s voice cut through it firmly.  “We’re going to clean this up, Peach.  You know I can fix the accounts.  I need you to backtrace and erase the trail.  Then we need to prepare the rest of the data into an information bomb.”

 

“What are you going to do?” Phichit’s voice was excited to finally take down the dragon in their lives.

 

“Deliver him up to his masters and let them take care of him.  But not until Victor is out and safe.  I don’t think the Bratva would come after him, but that government is no more moral, just less organized.”

 

“Okay, I’m on it.  I’ll bring my lappy with me to Worlds.”  Phichit rang off, both men knowing that this financial transaction would need to be concluded within a month’s time to be able to pull Victor out safely.

 

Yuuri looked up at Chris and Lawrie,  _ we will have to explain what we do when we’re not on the ice to Lawrie soon _ .  “I’m going to owe you for data this month.”

 

“You sure as hell are!  But...that’s okay.  Because we’re going to get your Darling out of Hook’s grasp.” Chris grinned and turned to Lawrie.  “I have a story to tell you eventually.”

 

Yuuri’s lips twitched at the Pan reference.  “Then let’s get started.”

 

* * *

  
  


Victor stared at the scale warily.  His last weigh-in was too close.  Luckily he was able to blame it on overwork and a stomach flu that swept through the rink.  But since returning from the Olympics, Masha’s control over his eating wasn’t even necessary.  He simply had no appetite.  Too many worries weighed down his thin shoulders.  Most days the pre-packed bento with the approved amount of food was dumped in the trash untouched.  He took a deep breath.   _ Might as well get this over with.  Too bad I can’t get weighed in my skates. _  He stepped onto the scale and watched the physician thin his lips.

 

“Mr. Nikiforov, I need you to meet me in my office in an hour.”

 

Victor frowned fighting tears.  He knew what that meant.  More importantly, the other skaters behind him knew what that meant.  He didn’t make weight.  And with Worlds coming up, he needed to make weight.  He could hear the whispers as he retreated.

 

Dr. Romanov came into the room after another hour and waved for Victor to follow him.  Victor watched him go through the file cabinet and dig out a folder.  “Hmmm...you’ve been steadily losing weight since January.  Are you feeling well?”

 

“I feel fine...just a lot going on in my head.”  Victor prayed that the man would buy this and simply let him leave.

 

“I see.  Your weight is dangerously low.  I could bench you.”

 

“Please don’t!” Victor couldn’t keep the panic out of his voice.

 

“Let’s get a better idea of what we’re dealing with.  I need you to undress and meet me on the table.”  The doctor watched as Victor walked in defeat behind the screen.  He suspected what he would find.  When the young man walked around the screen, it took all of his professional demeanor not to react.  He studied the bruises and the gaunt form.  “I think at this point we can quit dancing around this and be frank.  You can’t continue like this.”

 

“I know,” Victor whispered.  “But I can’t leave.”

 

The doctor thinned his lips.  “You know I have to report this to your coach.  The starvation alone, especially with your level of training...I’m surprised you aren’t in the hospital.”

 

“I’m holding on.  Just...a little longer.  Through Worlds.”

 

“And then what?” Romanov pressed.

 

“I-I don’t know,” Victor confessed.  He looked at the seasoned doctor helpless.   _  I never really considered the ‘what next’. _

 

The doctor sighed.   _ Too many times.  And it’s always the pretty ones.  _  “I’m going to tell Yakov and he’s going to force a conversation.  This isn’t the first time he’s dealt with this…” The man indicated to a cluster of bruises on Victor’s waist.  “Listen to him.  Talk to him.  And get out.”

 

* * *

  
  


Left sitting outside the office, Victor waited with dread while the doctor reported to his coach.  He could hear the muffled voices, not raised like he had predicted but concerned.  Yakov was king of this ice.  He could ground him.  And at the moment, Victor felt like a little boy dreading the call of the principal, waiting for his punishment.

 

The cleaning lady walked up the stairs and caught his eye.  She looked around, as if she wanted to leave.  Victor smiled at her and waved.  She lowered his eyes,  _ she looks like she feels guilty, but why? _  The woman nodded and descended back down the stairs.

 

Victor was so absorbed in the odd interaction that he spun quickly as the door opened and Romanov gave him a sad look before walking off.  Yakov’s voice called firmly through the opening of the door.  “Vitya, come in here.  Let’s talk.”

 

Victor walked in, head down, closing the door behind him before he took a seat.  “Romanov wants me to pull you from the ice.”

 

“I know...I...have to stay.  Please Yakov.  I must skate.”

 

Yakov ran a hand over his face, pulling at the loose skin around his eyes.  “Vitya...I’ve been hoping you’d come to me for some time.  My door has always been open to you.  But it seems you are going to force me to confront you about it.  I know about the physical abuse you have been going through.”

 

Victor studied his hands and was quiet for a long moment before he haltingly began to speak.  “Too many...have seen me...I knew...someone...had to say...something.  I’ve tried to avoid their eyes.”

 

“Vitya, I didn’t need their eyes.  You aren’t the first skater I’ve had to go through this.  I always hope each one would be the last.  You’ve got to get out.”  He reached across his desk, hoping the boy would look up at him but he only saw the little blue eyes dart out the vasistas revealing the ice floor beneath them.

 

“I-I can’t,” he whispered.  “He’ll hurt Yuri.”

 

The old man frowned.   _ You honestly don’t know… _  “Katsuki can take care of himself and that fucker will get what he deserves if he crosses into that territory and then some.”

 

“No, Yakov, not that Yuuri.  Little Yuri.”  Victor then pulled out the phone and with a shaky hand found the picture and text sent to him.  “Th-this came during the Olympics.  And then later...when Yuuri, my Yuuri, when he showed up here, he threatened him further.”

 

Yakov studied the pic then scrolled through the threatening messages.  His jaw clenched and Victor could see the visible anger in the man.  He put the phone into his top desk drawer and stated firmly, “I’ll take care of this.”

 

Victor’s chin dropped in shame.  “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

 

The old man then realized Victor was blaming himself.  “No, Vitya, you don’t apologize for that man.  He’s a predator.  But...you aren’t going back to him, either.  I don’t want you going home.”

 

“Yakov...he’ll hurt Yuri!”

 

“I can protect my own...and you are one of mine, just as much as our Yuri.  You are coming home with me and Lilia.”

 

Victor watched with wide eyes as Yakov picked up the phone and made a call.  He heard the words “threatening my skaters” and “restraining order” on Yakov’s end.  Victor knew Yakov has a relative on the police force, but he had never seen him use that connection.  When Yakov disconnected, he turned to Victor.  “You’ll go with us to Worlds.”  He added quickly when he saw Victor’s face light up in anticipation, “If for no other reason than to keep you safe.  But...about you skating…”

 

Victor practically jumped forward, “I’ll eat better, coach!  I promise.  Please don’t pull me.”

 

The old man sighed.   _ How do you solve a problem like Vitya?   _ “We’ll see.  I don’t want you injured.”

 

As they rose to leave his office, Yakov said, “We’ll stop by tonight to get what you need.  Tomorrow, we’ll all go together to move your things.”

 

“Can I bring Makkachin?” Victor’s voice returned to that small pitch he remembered when he first met the boy.

 

Yakov laughed softly.  “I never thought otherwise.  Come on, Vitya.  Let’s get you someplace safe.”

  
  


* * *

  
  


Madame Lilia opened the door when they arrived and she stepped back to welcome him inside, next to her stood Yuri glaring daggers but safe.  “It’s been a while since you’ve stayed here, Vitya.  Perhaps you’d like to revisit the room you stayed in when you lived here.”

 

Victor smiled sadly.  “I always come here when my world falls apart.”

 

“It’s okay, my boy,” she stated firmly, her hands going up to his cheeks.  “You will stay here until we know you’re safe.  I won’t have it any other way.”

 

“I don’t want anyone hurt because of me,” Victor murmured.

 

Lilia laughed bitterly.  “No one fucks with my family,” she responded and both the preteen and Victor started at her words.  Lilia, who always demanded decorum and avoided crudeness of any form, stood defiant like a shield between them both and the cruelties of the world.  “You will be driven to and from the rink by my driver.  Sergei will take care of you.”

 

Victor retreated to his childhood room, the one where he stayed after his mother became very ill.  In the middle of the bed another bunny...one his mother made by hand...waited for him.   _ How did you get left behind?   _ As he scooped it in his arms, he started to cry, “Mama, I’ve made such a mess of things.”

 

He was unaware of someone behind him until a hand fell on his shoulder.  He looked up to see Lilia regarding him with concern.  “Your mother raised you to be a fighter and a dreamer.  You haven’t lost either of those aspects.  She would still be proud of you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, BluSkates and Magrathea. I'm so thankful you both take such good care of me.


	17. The Moments I’m Missing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something lost...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much thanks to my friends BluSkates and Magrathea!

* * *

 

[ The Moments I’m Missing ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGmJZWsiVog)

 

  
  


Chris and Lawrie came and went over the next few days with the busyness of class, clients, and ice.  Lawrie was very tolerant of his new friend but then again, Yuuri tidied the house in their absence, made dinner, and did the dishes.  At one point Lawrie watched Yuuri hunched over his computer and asked Chris in a hushed whisper, “Can we keep him?”

 

“It’s tempting, but Yuuris get restless when kept from their natural habitat,” Chris responded over his cup of coffee.  In fact Yuuri had only left the apartment to practice and workout since first picking up Volkov’s money laundering scheme.

 

“Is he always this obsessive when on a task?” Lawrie inquired.

 

Chris tilted his head as he considered the question.  “I think it depends on the stakes, and these are very high stakes.  I’ve only seen him this obsessed over Victor, and if Victor’s safety is in jeopardy, Yuuri will run his quarry to ground.”  Chris grinned over at his partner and Lawrie smiled as he studied the man hunched over his computer, pulling on a headset every so often to talk with his partner in crime, and then diving in once more.

 

Chris came over to Yuuri to bring him some tea at one point and asked him, “Are you making progress?”

 

Yuuri shoved his hand through his hair and looked up at Chris.  “It’s just so much to dig through.  Victor’s boyfriend has really tied his accounts into some highly illegal affairs tightly, and I’m certain without his knowledge.  I’m having to...ummm...”  Yuuri struggled to find the right way to put his equally illegal but highly moral activity to Chris, “...backwards finance his accounts.”

 

“So you are redirecting funds,” Chris assessed.

 

Yuuri frowned thoughtfully.  “That’s part of it.  I’ve created a mirror that makes it look like the new funds are going into the account but then passes on to another target.  In this case, I’m sending them to a battered women’s shelter.”

 

“Ironic,” Chris commented.  “What about Victor’s funds?”

 

“Well, I think someone must have caught on because he has had no personal activity in about a month.  His funds all remained leveled starting at this date,” Yuuri tapped on his screen showing the two columns one of wild activity and another of perfect synchronicity.  “If I can get the trail leading to him cleaned up, we can close this account and there will be no record of the activity in Victor’s account remaining.”

 

“And you have to clean it up because it could implicate Victor in illegal activities,” Chris surmised.

 

Yuuri pursed his lips as he studied his work, numbers and codes that meant nothing to Chris but spoke a language which Yuuri and Phichit shared with ease.  “It’s worse than that.  It implicates Victor in the betrayal and theft.  Clearing him from the government was the easy part, they are so busy with their own scams they’d barely notice him unless he walked in and announced a laundering scheme.  It was who was being stolen from that really terrified me, The Bratva.  And they will not only want their money back and to clean up the mess, they will look to clean house.  They won’t care that Victor had no knowledge of the activities.”

 

Chris pursed his lips.  He had limited experience with greedy men but he knew one universal truth about them, they treated everyone equally shabby.  “He can’t have only used Victor for his activities.”

 

That’s where Yuuri found a slow smile.  “No...he’s greedy.  And truly doesn’t think he’ll get caught.  I’ve also gathered evidence of several other laundering schemes all coming through the same docks.  Grandfather always said to follow the money if you want to catch a traitor.  I’ve just got to make sure the evidence I’ve gathered has no connection to Vitya.”

 

“So...not an easy task...but doable?”

 

“Yeah...it helps that I have Phichit.  He has a sharp eye and knows how to build a packet sniffer.  That’s how he caught the data that gave away the missing loads.  But there is chatter, so suspicion is starting to build. That’s why I’m playing ‘beat the clock’ on this.”

 

Chris nodded, he was aware he would never be the hacker Yuuri and Phichit were but he wasn’t able to walk away from this either, “How can I help?”

 

“I may need you later...to help me…” Yuuri stopped himself and cast a soft glance at Chris, “put him back together.”  He saw the look of understanding register on the beautiful, tanned face.  Chris had been there once, and no one was better suited to help in that aspect.  “You and Lawrie...and if I can get him home to Japan, Hashimoto.  Even if he decides he doesn’t want me, I can’t leave him in that situation.  I’m responsible for him being there...and I care too much.”

 

Chris put a gentle hand on Yuuri’s shoulder, “Yuuri, you can’t believe this is your fault…”

 

Yuuri wanted to shake off the touch, feeling undeserving of the comfort, but found himself holding the hand there, needing that lifeline.  “You told me to talk to him.  I let my pride get in the way.  I thought...I had to be perfect.”

 

“Perfect is highly overrated, you know.  Most people who consider themselves perfect are narcissistic bastards that care nothing for anyone but themselves.”  Chris leaned forward, running his hand over the Japanese man’s back to drape an arm over Yuuri’s shoulder.  “I’ll let you in on a secret.  Victor never wanted perfect.  He just wants to be loved.”

 

* * *

  
  


Katya wrapped a protective arm around Victor’s shoulders.  “Okay, this is what we’re going to do.  All of us will accompany you back to your apartment and help you pack the things most precious to you.”

 

Victor frowned miserably.  “I love my apartment.”

 

“We know, Vitya,” she agreed, her voice gentle.  “It’s temporary until he takes the hint and crawls off to the next person..”

 

Victor huffed.  “You don’t know him.  He’s not going to give up.”  Victor’s voice changed dropping to a soft tremble, “I’m really afraid...and even more so of what he’ll do to one of you.  I...I should go back.”

 

A resounding “No!” came from all of their lips.  Victor blinked in surprise.  Pyotr came forward and held his eyes firmly.  “First of all, we all need you safe, you aren’t doing this for just you, you are doing this for us.  Secondly, you aren’t responsible for his actions.”

 

Victor felt very childlike with the protective manner everyone was treating him.  A small part of him felt almost silly for the way they all worried over him, another part was delighted and wanted more.  He needed the protection.  “I don’t know what to do.”

 

“Let’s go with the temporary solution suggested by Katya,” Dmitry urged.

 

Victor pursed his lips as he agreed begrudgingly.  An hour later, he was tentatively unlocking his door, a little scared to enter this once calming space.  He shivered as he entered his apartment.  The others followed with boxes.  Katya stepped forward and surveyed the surroundings.  “So what do you want us to gather?”

 

“Well...my clothes, of course.  I need my bathroom supplies.  And...anything that looks personal...pictures, notes, my, uh, bunnies?”  The last came out with a squeak and a blush.

 

Ivan clamped an arm around his shoulder with a chuckle.  “It’s too late to hide them now, my friend.  Besides...we kinda already knew about the bunny collection.”

 

Victor took a deep breath and released it slowly.  “Okay, let’s get started.  I want us out of here before six.”

 

That brought puzzled stares from the others.  It was Katya that asked, “What happens at six?”

 

Victor squirmed a moment, his eyes flicking to the floor.  “That’s when He comes,” Victor whispered.  “I had an alarm set for five so I would know to clean up for him.”

 

“Clean up?”

 

“Everything...had to be perfect,” he whispered.  He peeked under his lashes and could see them gaping at him.  “I knew it was bad...I just didn’t know how to escape.”

 

“We’ve got you now, Vitya,” Dmitry promised, silently indicating to the others to work quickly, taking the pressure from Victor to share more than he was ready to.

 

Ivan had to turn away from the others...and Victor.  He felt his anger working through his body.  “I’m going to work in here,” he announced grabbing a box and heading into the bathroom.

 

“Your home has always been clean,” Katya protested.  “Maybe some projects laid out…”

 

“That wasn’t even allowed.  Everything had to be in perfect order.”  He met her eyes and forced a smile, uncomfortable with this line of conversation.  “Let’s do what we came here to do,” he prodded.  “I really don’t want to talk about Him.”  That last word came out with a shiver.  He fought it off by picking up a box.  He opened the small desk and began gathering personal papers and correspondences.  His laptop was packed up and added to the stack.  He closed the box and marked the contents, placing it by the door.

 

Katya was gathering his bunnies with great care.  She knew many were gifts, the lion’s share of those being from Victor’s mother.  “Do you want some of these books?”

 

“I-I don’t know.  I mean, the books should be safe, don’t you think?  Nothing is collectable...just my favorites.”

 

“Maybe pack a few that you would like to read over the next few months,” she suggested.  He walked over and started pulling his Austen collection accidentally knocking Mr. Darcy into the floor.

 

“Oh, I’ve got it,” Katya offered dropping down to reach for him just under the edge of the bed when something shiny caught her eye.  Angling herself was able to pulled out a chain with a pendant from under the bed, Japanese Kanji written on the silver necklace.  “Victor?  Did you lose a necklace?”

 

Victor glanced her way in confusion.  “Not that I know of.  What did you find?”  She handed it over and he took it.  The jeweler’s mark on the back showed a high grade and the weight of the necklace had substance.  Victor turned it over to study the writing.  “It must have come with one of Yuuri’s gifts.  He sent a letter of apology with Col. Brandon.”

 

“Maybe it fell out when you opened it.  Didn’t you get him when we all came over for your birthday?”  At his nod, she added, “There was a bit of confusion created by our celebration.”

 

“Well, I know it didn’t come from Masha.  It had to be Yuuri.”

 

“So, take it?”

 

Victor nodded.  “I think...I want to wear it.  Will you help me?”  Katya’s hands opened the clasp and wrapped it around his neck as he lifted his hair out of the way.  “Thank you.”

 

She continued to pick up bunnies when she started to lift the cheaply-made one sent by Masha.  “Leave that one,” Victor said quietly, but firmly.  “It means nothing to me.”  He studied it for a moment before grabbing it from her hand.  “I don’t even want it to stay here.”  He walked over and dropped it into the garbage receptical.  “We should take this out when we go.  I don’t want my house to smell.”

 

Katya grinned knowing that it was a subtle dig at Masha.  Anger was healthy.

 

Dmitry and Pyotr emerged from his closet with four boxes, rolling out his luggage and opening it up.  Years of travel with competitions taught them how to be efficient packers.  They brought out Victor’s workout gear, rolling them into tight, wrinkle free bundles.  Zipping the suitcase, they came over and taped shut the last box handed over by Katya.  Victor sat cross-legged in the middle of his bed, a small box in his lap as he read through Yuuri’s letter that came with the bunny.  Looking up, he sighed.  “These symbols are on this letter.  I think...Yuuri wanted to tell me something but was maybe not ready?  I wish...I am still such a child sometimes.”  His words were miserable.  “I should have waited for him.  I should have…”

 

Katya covered his lips.  “Coulda, shoulda, woulda...there are things we all would have done differently if given a second chance.  There’s a reason they say hindsight is 20/20.”

 

“I suppose you’re right.  Let’s get out of here.”  He looked up at the other boys.  “I don’t suppose your brother can help us out.”

 

Pyotr grinned as he sent a text.  “I had them on standby.  They are on their way up now.”

 

Soon the door opened and several hockey players joined the others in helping the skate family carry down the personal items.  Victor left word with the building manager that he would be gone for a while but would like his locks changed out in his absence.  “I think my ex broke into my apartment...maybe more than once.”

 

“Don’t worry.  We’ll have it done.  Stop by and see me when you’re ready to come back.”  The older man nodded and Victor caught something that looked like suspicion in his looks.

 

“Thank you.  Yakov will take care of my rent in my absence.”

 

Then they loaded up in the cars of his friend.  Victor rode with Katya and Pyotr, his hand wrapped around the necklace.  At Lilia’s, they carried the boxes up to Victor’s room and offered to help him unpack.  Victor shook his head.  “I need to do this...sort of reacquaint myself with my past.”

 

Alone in his room, he began sorting through his things.  The bunnies lined a shelf that stretched along the wall beneath the window.  He placed the few books on the shelf beneath the nightstand.  He blushed when he realized Katya must have packed some personal items from when he was growing curious in his sexuality.  He quickly tucked them into the nightstand drawer.  Clothes were hung or tucked into the dresser.  Paperwork in the desk drawer, computer on top.  He organized his toiletries along the top of his dresser, his makeup case sitting on one side with his hair dryer and straightener on the other.  Looking around, he smirked.  “I’m back to teenager Victor.”  Hugging himself, he sighed.  “Teen Victor was safe.  Maybe I can just go back to Teen Victor and stay there.”

 

He heard a hard knock on the door and knew in an instant who it belonged to.  He opened to reveal Yuri standing there with his hands on his hips.  “Lilia sent me to tell you dinner was ready.”

 

“ _ Madame _ Lilia,” Victor corrected but followed the boy.  “Do you collect anything?”

 

“Tigers.  They’re way cooler than your bunnies.”

 

Victor smiled wistfully.  “Perhaps but the bunnies were gifts...most of them came from my mother before she passed away.”

 

Yuri stilled and then threw an awkward glance over his shoulder.  “I-I’m sorry...I didn’t know.”

 

“That’s okay.  I’m sure there’s quite a bit we don’t know about each other.”  They walked a few more steps before Victor added, “I’m sorry, too.  I hate that my mistakes spilled over onto other people.  I didn’t mean to drag you into this mess.”

 

Yuri shrugged.  “Yakov and Lilia are only a little more protective of me.  Yakov still screams at me about jumps on the ice, Lilia still hollers at me about positions in the dance studio.  Now I live here and they can both yell about manners and swearing.  It’s not like things have changed too much.”

 

“I remember moving in.  I was close to your age.  Maybe a little older.  My mama was getting sick more and more.”

 

“My Grandpa is sick,” Yuri said quietly.  “Maybe...we’re not so different.”

 

“Maybe...we can be friends.”

 

The kid studied him a moment then shrugged.  “We’ll see.”  He turned and ran down the stairs.  Victor couldn’t help the smirk that found his lips.  The kid was amusing at least...when you didn’t want to strangle him.

  
  


* * *

 

 

Phichit sat back in his chair feeling smug satisfaction. “I think we just invented forensic accounting!”

 

Yuuri raised an eyebrow through their Skype connection in perfect Spock fashion.  “Seriously?  That dates back to the 1920s.”  However, as he thought about it he realized his friend wasn’t too far off.  “Same sort of deal, though...trying to bring down the mafia in the States.”

 

Phichit grinned unphased.  “Regardless, that was hell...like brain surgery.”

 

Yuuri chuckled back at him over their skype connection.  “Yeah, that’s a good comparison.  Tying up all of those loose ends.  And we’ve almost excavated a complete picture of the money drain.  The question remains...who do we inform and how do we give them the information?”

 

“Well, the legal solution is to leak it to Interpol.  But...that will start all sorts of problems.  I kind of liked your idea to let his people take care of him. Sadly, that’s the...more efficient way to go.”

 

Yuuri worried, his family were very loyal and while no one ever stole, he knew his grandfather would protect him with everything he had.  “He’s related to the Pakhan...do you think they’ll overlook it?”

 

Phichit smirked.  “Where money’s concerned?  I doubt it.  Money is thicker than blood in Bratva.”

 

“I want to get Victor out first.  I need to know he’s safe.”

 

* * *

  
  
  


Yuuri deliberated on how to contact Victor.  He didn’t want to put him at further risk with Mikhail should he get caught.  Still, he needed to let him know that he could finally get him out.  He pulled out his encrypted phone.  Typing in the hashcode, he sent a message that would open on the keyword  _ Col. Brandon _ .  Then he sent a text to Victor.

 

**Pan/ When we met you put your name in my phone with a symbol.**

 

**Pan/ I sent you a message...the key is the last gift I sent you.**

 

He waited.  Then his phone buzzed.  Not his encrypted phone but his other phone.

 

**Victor/ Katsuki are you playing games?**

 

Yuuri frowned.  Victor never referred to him by his surname.  He decided to prod further contact.

 

**Yuuri/ Can you talk?**

 

Then the phone rang.  “Hello?”

 

The voice that replied was not the one he expected.  “This is Yakov.  I have Vitya’s phone.  It’s not safe.”

 

Yuuri looked at the number on his phone and realized the person calling him was not using Victor’s phone number.  “I know.  That’s why I used an encryption.  Does he...have a phone?”

 

“He has his computer.  If you sent a message to his email, he’ll get it.”  The old man was quiet for a moment before he added, “He’s not there.  I wouldn’t let him go back there.”

 

This caught Yuuri’s attention and he sat up.  “He’s out?  He’s safe?”

 

“I hope…”  Something in Yakov’s voice made Yuuri worry.  “Lilia’s driver has been escorting him to and from the house when he needs to go to the rink, he doesn’t leave the house for much else other than to walk his dog, which he does on the grounds of the estate.  But the driver’s had to shake a tail twice.  We haven’t told Vitya this, yet.”

 

Yuuri frowned as he considered the logistics of getting Victor to a safer situation.  “Perhaps we can help each other out.”

 

“Hold on..what do you need?”

 

“Volkov...he was laundering his funds through Victor’s account.  I need you to shut it down.”

 

“I was worried it was something like that.  His account was being monitored.  I had been contacted by the department in charge of his skating funds, as they thought someone had hacked his account.  We decided it was best to put his skating funds into a separate location.  I had Victor sign some documents to open up a new account at a different bank that I could monitor.  But I have a power of attorney, and have since he was a young teenager, so I can do that.  How did you find out?”

 

Yuuri shifted nervously at the sound of the elder coach’s voice but gathered himself quickly.  “Number one rule...don’t ask how, sir.  Just know...I never stopped trying to figure out how to get him out.”

 

“He’s out...we just have to keep him out.”

 

“Expect Volkov to counter your move.  I’ve set up a screen, though, to cover the movement of funds...and buy us time.”

 

“Lilia has him well guarded.  Hopefully...it’s enough.  He’s still trying to get to him.”

 

Yuuri frowned at those words.  He knew of the Baranovsky family...enough to know they were powerful and would love to make a play on Volkov territory.  Would they be enough?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, Worlds...and an unwanted guest...
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	18. Kiss Me Slowly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor arrives at Worlds but Yuuri isn’t there. Someone else is, however.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are good things towards the end of this chapter.
> 
> Thanks so much to BluSkates and Magrathea for editing and reading for me.

* * *

 

[ Kiss Me Slowly ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Km75Pc0YzdQ)

 

 

**World Figure Skating Championships, The Hague, Netherlands - 3/8-14/2010**

  
  


Victor stood apart from his Russian friends, his eyes scanning the foyer of the hotel.  Normally, Yuuri beat him there, but it stood to reason that Victor could win a race once or twice.  He tried to remember the details of the email Yuuri sent... _ We have to close your bank account.  Volkov has been laundering money through it.  Trust me to clean it up.  I’ll explain when we meet at the Worlds. _

 

Standing the lobby, Victor smiled, recalling how calm and collected Yakov was when he went down in a panic only to be informed of the call between the coach and Yuuri.  Now, he was looking out for the man...and he was late.  Not technically...but he always beat Victor to the hotel.  Turning to return to Yakov and his friends’ side, he froze.   _ No no no no no not Him! _  His mind spiraled into a panic even as his voice froze in his throat.   _ Someone turn around!  I can’t move!   _ His hands were clasped together over his chest, his eyes wide with terror.

 

Masha crossed the gap quickly and almost had a hand on him when someone stepped in between.  It took only a moment for Victor’s mind to connect the dots.   _ Yakov! _  Over the roar in his ears, he heard Yakov and Masha arguing.

 

“Stay out of this, old man!  This is personal!”  Masha yanked his wrist free of the elder coach’s grasp, taking another step at Victor.

 

Yakov checked the younger man, using his body as a shield, “I am his guardian and his coach.  He wants you out of his life.  I suggest you respect that and bow out gracefully.”

 

Black eyes, bleary from drink and lack of sleep, narrowed in smug arrogance.  “Or else what?”

 

“I am not without my resources, Volkov,” Yakov warned even as he enunciated the name darkly.  “You would do well not to underestimate me.”

 

Somehow, the tone more than the words got through to the brain.  Masha backed up, realizing that this man was fully aware of his familial connections, and still unfazed by them.  “If you know my last name, you should know not to underestimate me.  I expect you to give me what is mine.”

 

“That request does not include Victor,” he stated.  “I have a restraining order.  Security!”

 

Yakov turned Victor and marched him forward to the waiting group of skaters as the event security dealt, loudly, with Mikhail.  Victor found his breath after Masha was escorted out although it was hard and coming in gasps.  He beat against his chest with the heel of his hand, his knees became wobbly, he saw spots, then he went down.  Darkness.  He could hear activity on the fringes of his awareness, voices calling his name, hands trying to rouse him, but breathing continued to be difficult until he gave into the darkness.

 

Victor awakened slowly in an unfamiliar room, the lights low.  Sitting next to him was Katya thumbing through latest issue of  _ On Ice. _  “Oh, you decided to come back to us.”  Her voice was a practiced light tone, but he could heard the relief hidden behind it.

 

“What happened?” he asked, his voice feeling raw.  He watched her get up and cross the room bringing back a water bottle.

 

Victor took the water immediately and began gulping it, only stopping when she cooed, “There you go...drink slowly.  That was a panic attack...and provoked with good reason,” she explained.  “Are you okay?”

 

He took in her information as he drank more water.  Finally, he pulled the bottle away and answered, “I can breathe again...so that’s a plus.  My head is pounding.”   _ So this is what Yuuri goes through.  It was scary.  I just wanted to run and hide but I couldn’t get away. _  He blinked up at Katya as his thoughts reordered.   _ Oh...that’s what he was doing that night.  Damn!  I never really understood until now.  Oh, Yuuri...I’m so sorry! _

 

* * *

  
  
  


Yuuri didn’t arrive until the next day, thankfully not so exhausted due to the less than two hour flight from Switzerland to the Netherlands.  He checked in with Chris and Josef.  Lawrie was joining his partner, taking a few days off for support.  He left a note for Victor, knowing the hotel staff wouldn’t release his room number.  He then joined his friends in the elevator.

 

“Has Phichit checked in?” Chris asked.

 

“Last night.  I woke up to a text.  He hasn’t seen Victor, though.”  Yuuri tapped his foot anxiously.  Exiting the elevator, he dragged his suitcase down the hall and unlocked his door.

 

Phichit squealed in greeting.  “You’re here!” Yuuri hugged him back before going to put his clothes away.  Chris and Lawrie peeked into the room and waved hi.  Phichit crossed over to the door.  “You must be Lawrie!  I’m Phichit.  It’s nice to meet you.”

 

The older man nodded with a smile.  “The pleasure is mine.”  Nodding towards Yuuri, he added, “If you need help with that one, let us know.  We’re two doors down in 416.”

 

Phichit grinned.  “I’m used to Yuuri in all of his forms.  Thank you, though.  He’s just anxious because of the lack of Victor.”

 

Lawrence leaned in and murmured in Chris’ ear, “I’m going to take our luggage to our room while you catch up, dear.”

 

Chris nodded as he met the older man’s eyes.  He mouthed the words  _ thank you _ before turning back to his friends.  “I’m sure he’s here,” Chris inserted, hoping to sooth Yuuri’s nerves.

 

Phichit shrugged.  “I haven’t really seen any of the Russians or I would have asked them.”

 

Yuuri glanced over at Phichit knitting his brow together.  “Which worries me further.”

 

“It’s probably nothing,” Phichit argued.  “Don’t borrow trouble.”

 

Yuuri frowned.  “That sounds like a Ketty expression.”

 

“She’s full of great Americanisms.  I can’t wait to hear what she’s composing for you.”

 

Yuuri smiled quietly to himself.  “I told her not to rush.  I don’t need it for this coming season.  She offered, though, and I couldn’t exactly say no.”

 

“Okay, whose Ketty?” Chris asked as he leaned against the door.

 

“She’s a composer and pianist Yuuri and I know from Detroit.  You’d like her.” He winked at Chris conspiratorially, “She takes no shit from Yuuri.”

 

“Why is that a requirement from my friends?” Yuuri whined.

 

Chris merely rolled his eyes as Phichit laughed his response.  “Because...you require a firm hand.  I don’t know how you are going to fare with Victor.  He’s so soft spoken.”

 

Chris grinned.  “They say the same about Lawrie...but I’ve seen how possessive he can be.”

 

Yuuri groaned.  “Let’s not rock the boat in that respect.  I don’t want any further misunderstandings.  I need him to trust me.”

 

“I think you will be fine,” a familiar voice came around the door.  Yuuri jumped up, running to the door and pulling the younger man into the room.  Two other Russians accompanied him.  “This is Ivan and Dmitry.  I had...an unwelcome visit in the lobby earlier.”

 

Yuuri’s eyes widened as he looked from Victor to the other two men.  Dmitry spoke up.  “He is being escorted because of that and we, as a team, are staying low key.”

 

Ivan thinned his lips, his jaw tight with anger.  He held Yuuri’s eyes and stated in clipped words, “Guard him with your life.  You hurt him or let him get hurt, I’m kicking your ass.”

 

Yuuri started but nodded.  “I will see to his safety when he’s with me.  You have my word.”  He watched the two men leave, Dmitry’s arm winding into Ivan’s as he softly chided him for coming on too strong.  Yuuri found his smile, returning his attention to Victor.  “You’re here!”

 

Victor put his hands on his hips and raised an eyebrow.  “You’re late!”

 

“I missed my plane because I was cleaning up someone’s mess,” he stated firmly as he reached for Victor’s hands pulling him closer.  “I was able to get on the same flight as Chris, though, so now I’m here.”  Yuuri was delighted as Victor allowed him to pull the younger man into his arms, hugging him close.  Stepping back he found he now had to look up into those blue eyes.  “You’re still growing!”

 

Victor rolled his eyes.  “Does it bother you that I’m taller than you?”

 

“No, of course not!”

 

Victor smiled, crinkling the skin around his eyes, “Good!  Because I don’t think I can fix that.”

 

“You...shouldn’t have to.  You should not have to change for anyone.”

 

Victor lit up at that declaration.  “Thank you.  That was exactly what I needed to hear.”  He looked towards Phichit and back to Yuuri before asking, “Can I stay here tonight?  I have Georgi as a roommate but he’s trying to talk Anya into staying with him.  I...don’t really like her.”  He wrinkled his nose as he concluded his words.

 

Yuuri knew Phichit was as pleased...almost...as much as he was with the request and answered for both of them.  “Of course.  Did you bring clothes?”

 

Victor dropped the bag he’d been carrying and it opened up to reveal a book, Col. Brandon, Mr. Darcy, and pajamas.  “I kind of expected a yes.”

 

Yuuri laughed softly.  “Always a yes,” he promised.  He tilted his head towards Phichit and added, “We have a chaperone.”

 

“We don’t need one.  I know  _ my  _ Yuuri would never do anything I didn’t want him to do.” Victor’s words carried a little weight to them, Yuuri heard the subtle hint.

 

“No, he would not,” Yuuri agreed, his words warm and intimate.  “But I think we need a movie night.”

 

Victor grinned.  “I was hoping you’d say that!  So what are our choices?”  His eyes darted from Phichit to Yuuri.

 

“ _ The Two Towers _ ?  We need to follow through with the story,” Yuuri suggested.

 

“We  _ could  _ do that.  Or we could do something more lighthearted,” Phichit argued.  “I have  _ Clueless  _ and  _ Legally Blonde _ .”

 

Victor’s lips twitched.  “ _ Clueless _ is a modern adaptation of  _ Emma _ .  That’s tempting.  However, I hate to leave something unfinished.  But then again,  _ Legally Blonde _ did look intriguing.”  His eyes looked from one to the other thoughtfully.  “I suppose we might just have to have a movie night every night.  Shall we start with something lighthearted?”

 

“ _ Clueless _ it is!” Phichit grinned happy that he picked something to meet Victor’s approval.

 

Victor turned to Chris with a tilt of his head.  “Will you be joining us?”

 

Chris smiled at the genuine warmth in the invitation, “Ummm, I should go get my partner.  Can we delay this about half an hour?”

 

“Your partner?  I look forward to meeting him.” Victor had hoped, and failed, to keep the enthusiasm from his voice.   _ May you get married and have a hundred babies, and never look at Yuuri again. _

 

Yuuri watched the exchange with a warm smile.  Everything was going so well.  Chris ducked out and the men changed to the pajamas and ordered room service through Yuuri’s bodyguards.  When they came to Yuuri’s room with the food, Yuuri made introductions.

 

“This is Akio, Ryota, Shinoba, Azumi, and Kimiko,” he introduced the four men and one woman in charge of his safety.  “And this is Victor.  His safety is very important to me.  The mark has made several threats on his safety and they are not to come near him.  Kimiko?  Azumi?”

 

“Yes, boss,” they echoed.

 

“I am assigning you to him during this event.  It shouldn’t be difficult as he’ll be with me for the most part.”  Yuuri felt a tug on his sleeve and turned to see Victor’s protests and curiosity but placed a firm hand on Victor’s forearm.  “These guards are trained to handle these situations and I won’t be at ease unless I know you are in good hands.  Will you do this for me?”

 

Victor looked from the guards to Yuuri and then sighed in resignation.  “He’s been seen here,” Victor stated quietly.  “He tried to get to me in the lobby yesterday when we first arrived.”

 

“We’ve read through the intel on Volkov.  Don’t worry.  He won’t get to you, sir,” Kimiko assured him, following the promise with a sharp bow.  The others retreated to the hallway and planned their watch schedules for the night.

 

The food they delivered was pulled into the room, a towel spread across the bed served as a makeshift tablecloth.  Victor was seated cross-legged next to Yuuri in his bed.  “So...why do you have bodyguards, Yuuri?  Do you have a dark past I don’t know about?” Victor teased.

 

A knock led Phichit opened the door to Lawrie and Chris who soon joined them as there was more than enough for five.  

 

Yuuri smiled a greeting introducing Lawrie to Victor before returning to his question.  “My grandfather’s business sometimes makes me a target.  So this is how he ensures my safety.”

 

“And here I thought you’d have a sordid tale to share,” Victor winked stretching across the bed, his hand sliding down his side.  The three of them spent the evening observing the interactions between Yuuri and Victor...the gentle words, the soft touches, the protective arm.  But they also could see Victor becoming more himself with firm words back to Yuuri.

 

“Don’t you dare steal the last croquette!” Victor cried out chasing the pastry down as Yuuri laid back in bed laughing.  Yuuri’s eyes danced with mirth as he dipped the pastry down and fed it to Victor.  Blue eyes were glittering with mischief as they licked his fingers causing Yuuri’s lips to part in surprise.

 

“I’d give you anything,” Yuuri whispered.

 

“Just don’t run away this time,” Victor returned softly.  Their eyes held onto one another and Victor nearly dipped in for a kiss but then tucked himself under Yuuri’s chin.  The older man wrapped him up protectively, his hand running up and down Victor’s back.

 

A clearing of throats reminded them they were not alone.  Victor hid his face as color rose up.  Yuuri threw a pillow at the other three.  Still, it was clear which bed Victor would be staying in for the night...for all three nights.  Yuuri sat up and cleared the picnic, returning to find that Victor had pushed back and snuggled under the blankets, sitting up to watch Cher’s plans fall apart.

 

“What book did you bring to read?” Yuuri whispered into his ear, leaning onto his shoulder.

 

Victor tilted his head against the top of Yuuri’s and whispered, “ _ Emma _ .”

 

“We’ll need to add a Knightly to your collection this December,” he promised.  Victor nuzzled his cheek against Yuuri’s head in response, his hand sliding over Yuuri’s and giving it a squeeze.  At the end of the movie, the other couple slipped out, Victor was already starting to fade, and Phichit shut down the TV, pulling out his phone to find out what was happening in the world.

 

Victor laid back in bed nervously pulling the sheet over his body and sent furtive glances Yuuri’s direction hoping Yuuri would remember and honor the promise from earlier.  Yuuri gave him his space but reached a hand to the center of the bed.  A hand edged its way over and finally gripped Yuuri’s.  They had time for Victor to find his way across the bed but Yuuri wanted it to be his choice.

 

* * *

  
  


As Chris and Lawrie retreated to their own bed, Lawrie was considering the evening, running over the interactions he had seen.  “I think he’s been misread...Victor is  _ not  _ submissive.”

 

Chris grinned and Lawrie caught the now familiar  _ I could have told you that _ look.  “You think?  He’s shy and I think that could be mistaken for submissive.  He doesn’t mind being led but that strong will you saw earlier...that’s the Victor I first met.”

 

“He likes being cared for but he also likes returning that equally.  They...are well matched.  You said Yuuri identifies as a switch.  It could be the same for Victor.”

 

“I thought so as well.  I’ve seen Victor turn Yuuri’s head on a dime and change leads.  But given what Victor’s experienced, I don’t see him wanting rough play.”

 

“Soft play, though...and maybe some exhibition play.  Victor may be shy but he’s very open in his affection.”

 

“Regardless, Yuuri might want to introduce the ideas of colors and safe words as they grow more intimate.  It would give Victor a greater sense of control in the relationship.”

 

“Not a bad idea.  Whether they decide to pursue the D/s lifestyle or not, they should have good communication.”

 

Chris threw his arms out and rolled his eyes.  “That’s been the problem the entire time.”

 

“Perhaps we can guide them into a healthier foundation,  _ mon cher _ ,” Lawrence suggested as he pulled his shirt over his head.  “Now...about us…”  The purr snapped Chris to attention.  “Why don’t you strip down and let me help you to relax?”  A finger made a familiar motion against Chris’ skin.

 

Chris met his eyes for a moment before dropping his chin.  “Yes, sir,” he answered.

  
  
  


_ The Two Towers _ played in the background as Yuuri caught Victor up on his findings.  Victor frowned as he listened, chewing on his thumbnail.  “I sure got myself into a mess.  I...was afraid of that when Yakov wanted me to pull my funds from that account.  I was just afraid to follow up and find out.  I’m not sure it would have done any good.”

 

“I’ve...cleaned it up.  Yakov’s closed it out.  That’s why I ran late getting here.  I wanted to make sure there was nothing connecting you to his activities.”  Yuuri watched Victor’s behavior, making sure that the thumbnail was a tick from childhood and not turning into a destructive habit.

 

“He really is a bad man.”  Victor felt as if he was truly understanding the damage this man had done, and could still do.  “I’m so afraid he can still get to me, Yuuri.  I know...Madame Lilia has...family connections.  I just...I’m not sure it’s enough.”

 

Yuuri ran a calm hand over the silver hair, “It bought me the time I needed to do what is needed.  I just have to figure out my next move.”

 

“If I need you…” Victor’s voice held a desperate tone.

 

“I’ll come running.  All you have to do is call me.”

 

Victor shifted uncomfortably.  “I don’t have a phone,” he confessed in exasperation.

 

Yuuri’s eyes widened.  “You do.  I brought an extra with me...it’s encrypted.  Much safer than your last phone.”  He jumped off the bed and went to his carry-on luggage.  Digging around, he retrieved the device and brought it to Victor.  “I took the liberty of putting my number in your emergency contacts.  I’ve also added Phichit, Chris, and Lawrie’s numbers.  It’s yours, though.  I just wanted to make sure you had a way to reach me.”

 

Victor blinked back the tears.  “Thank you, Yuuri.  You...are too good to me.”

 

Yuuri shook his head, “You...wouldn’t be in this place if it wasn’t for me.”

 

Victor reached out and snuggled deep into Yuuri’s arms.  “I don’t know what would have happened.  I just know you’ve always been a good friend to me.”

 

* * *

  
  


Chris and Lawrie’s analysis of the relationship continued to be reinforced over the next few days during the down time Yuuri and Victor spent together and as they skated their programs.  The couple’s interactions and unspoken words didn’t go unnoticed by their friends.  There was a demand between each of them that the other not look away...and they couldn’t.  But they performed for the audience as well still focusing on the other.  Chris and Lawrie shared a number of knowing looks.

 

And all was going well until the close of the last day of competition.  The medal ceremony had Victor with a bronze and Yuuri swept the gold.  The skaters were escorted off the ice and into the throng of press demanding their attention and perhaps that’s how he got close.  Yuuri’s guards were used to following their single rabbit through the maze of people, but the addition of another and an oddly heavier attendance of reporters complicated it.  Masha stepped before Victor, cutting off his path.  “You’re mine,” he claimed.

 

Victor’s eyes widened, feeling the panic start to hit when he felt a hand on his arm.  He turned to the person pulling him behind them and realized it was Yuuri.  “People aren’t possessions to be owned, Volkov.  Back off and move on.  He is no longer interested in you.”

 

Masha laughed bitterly.  “You think he wants you?  The one who can’t get his shit together to close the deal?  Victor has already known a real man.  He’ll never be satisfied by…” Masha looked up and down Yuuri in derision before finishing his statement, “...less.”

 

The signal was subtle but then three bodyguards were between Yuuri and Volkov.  Two more were escorting him out.  Yuuri then turned towards Victor, wrapping him in his arms.  “It’s okay.  He is gone.”

 

Victor trembled in his embrace, Masha’s words echoing in his mind reminding him of the endless awful pain that man caused on his body.   _ I can’t undo any of things you’ve done, just please leave me alone _ .  “I wish...he didn’t have the power to make me feel so afraid,” he whispered next to Yuuri’s ear.

 

“It’s okay to be afraid.  Fear keeps us alive,” Yuuri murmured.  When Yuuri stepped back, he realized they had garnered quite a bit of attention.  Turning to face the press, he shrugged.  “Some guys never learn to take  _ no  _ for an answer.”

 

“Mr. Nikiforov, was that a crazed fan or an ex-boyfriend?”  Victor wasn’t sure which reporter had asked, all he saw were the lights and microphones coming at him from what seemed like all directions.

 

“No comment.”

 

Sadly, the press didn’t need his comment.  The press no longer dealt in the weighty world of facts, not when there was so much more money and fame to be made in the sale of conjecture and gossip.  They witnessed enough, caught enough on film to draw their own conclusions.  The phrase  _ love triangle  _ was tossed back and forth as Victor and Yuuri retreated.

 

* * *

  
  


Yuuri was not happy to pack up the next morning.  Victor had returned to his room to do the same.  As he picked up the sheet and bedspread off the floor, he spotted Mr. Darcy.  He cradled the bunny with a soft smile.  “You’re going to have to keep watch over him for me while we’re apart.”

 

Throwing on his Team Japan jacket, he followed his feet out the door and headed towards the elevator with purpose.  He didn’t even notice the bodyguards following him, so used to their presence in his life.

 

Getting off on the seventh floor, he smiled as he passed various members of the Russian team stopping to knock firmly on Victor’s door.  The two guards assigned to keep an eye on him were nearby and reported to Akio while they were all on the same floor.  The door opened and Victor’s eyes lit up on sight.  Yuuri entered the room and the door closed behind him.  Glancing around, he saw that the room was empty.

 

“No Georgi?”

 

“He’s with Anya.  I don’t know that this room was used for much more than organizing my luggage.”

 

“I see.”  Yuuri pulled the bunny out from under his arm and murmured, “You forgot him in my room.”

 

Victor laughed softly.  “I may have left more than Mr. Darcy behind.”  Victor took a step closer to Yuuri.  Lifting blue eyes, he invited Yuuri to move closer.  Pulling the necklace out of his collar, he murmured, “What does this mean?”

 

Yuuri traced the letters.  “I didn’t think you liked it...I never saw you wear it...until now.”

 

“It must have fallen out of the package.  We found it when we were packing out my apartment only a week ago.  What does it say, Yuuri?”

 

Yuuri’s fingers trembled and he licked his lips nervously.  “It says  _ love _ ,” he whispered.  “Romantic love.”

 

“Oh,” Victor responded.  “Is that...do you still…”

 

Even though Victor didn’t find the words, Yuuri heard the question.  “Yes!  I...am yours...only yours.  Yes, I do still...feel that way.”

 

Victor smiled softly.  “I do...too.  But...I’ve got so much baggage.”   _ There’s so much broken about me... _

 

“So do I...and I know yours.  At least part of it...I want to be there for you to help you find your way through it.  If...you want me to be.”

 

“I’ve got to...go back to Russia.  My coach is in Russia.”

 

Yuuri’s hands held onto Victor’s as he whispered, “Mine is in Detroit.”

 

“I don’t know how we are going to do this, Yuuri...but...I know I want to try.”

 

“I want to as well.  Will you...kiss me?”

 

Victor’s eyes glittered, his lips softening into a smile.  “Promise not to run away?”

 

“If I do, I’ll take you with me this time.”

 

Victor closed his eyes as Yuuri lifted his lips.  It was a simple brush of the lips, a promise really.  They still had a lot to learn about one another.  But it was a start.


	19. Save Myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some people can't take a hint...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We start seeing some creepy shit, here...
> 
> And FYI...next chapter is 20. Some of you will want to wait until I post 21 or 22 to catch up reading. I'm going one a day through 22.

* * *

 

[ Save Myself ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDigjVOQjV8)

 

Victor pulled the ties loose to unlaced his shoes and looked up as Mila bounced into the bleachers in front of him.  “You’ve got flowers!”

 

Victor’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.  “Flowers?”

 

“Mmmhmm...there out front.” She smiled at him with a tease in her voice.

 

Victor smiled as he thought about Yuuri and their brief kiss.  It was small...just enough.  Yuuri respected all of his boundaries and let Victor come to him on his own terms.  And that small taste helped his soul start to heal.   _ I’m still wanted.  I don’t need Masha...I can do better.  Yuuri will always treat me better.  _  Victor stilled his thoughts for a moment before he added another by force of will.  He said forcefully to himself although he kept his voice quiet, “Even alone, I’m better off without Masha.  I never needed him.”

 

Stepping into the lobby, he frowned.  These flowers did not look like Yuuri.  They were extravagantly...cheap.  Four roses cheapened by dozens of filler carnations and needless sprigs of baby's breath.  Yuuri would send a simpler option with better quality.  Yuuri knew his tastes ran to understated elegance.  He plucked the card out of the arrangement.

 

_ My dear Viten’ka, these flowers pale in comparison to your beauty.  Let me show you your worth to me. _

 

Victor wrinkled his nose in disgust.  _  I’ve felt how you show me my worth.  You beat the hell out of me and half starved me to death.   _  He picked up the flowers and card and threw them into the nearest trash can with Mila watching, several of the heads of the flowers popped off with the force.  He glanced in her direction and muttered, “Don’t let people wow you with gifts, Mila...especially thoughtless extravagance.”

 

In the isolation of the locker room, though, he felt himself tremble at the thought of Masha getting to him.  Pulling his knees up, he let himself cry bitter tears.  _  I did this to myself.  My own stupid decisions led me right here.  And now I can’t shake him.  Why won’t he leave me alone? _

 

He didn’t hear Georgi enter until the older man cleared his throat.  “Are you okay, Victor?” his voice was gentle with concern.  Victor studied him.   He didn’t really know Georgi that well.  Georgi always seemed dramatic and that was off putting to Victor...who craved peace and calm.  But...he seemed sincere.

 

“I just received an unwanted gift is all...why can’t he just take  _ no  _ for an answer?”

 

Georgi’s mouth opened in surprise as he considered Victor’s words...and thought about the countless times he’d tried to woo back a lost lover with gifts and words.  _  Is this...how they felt?   _ “I don’t know, Victor.  Sometimes you have to keep saying  _ no _ ...or ignoring them...until they get the message.”  At least that’s how it always worked for him.  He remembered all the times that he finally got the hint and watched the girl find happiness elsewhere.

 

“I shouldn’t have to,” Victor said, angry tears starting up now.  “Once should be enough.  It should have been enough...back then.”

 

“Back when, Victor?” Georgi sat down beside the younger man, feeling there was something much deeper than unwanted flowers in this conversation.

 

“When he...when I tried...he wouldn’t take me home...that first time.  Then...I couldn’t get away.” Victor struggled through words, editing himself but trying to express himself to Georgi.

 

Georgi’s eyes widened.  He knew of the abuse but he didn’t imagine...this.  “Did he rape you?”

 

Victor looked up startled by the words.  “I-I…”  His face paled then he shook his head.  “Nononono...it wasn’t rape.  I wouldn’t have stayed if it was rape.  It couldn’t have been rape.”  He continued to deny the words even as he felt surprisingly strong arms wrap around him and a soothing hand on his back.  Finally, he whimpered out, “I want Yuuri.”

 

“I know you do.  I didn’t mean to upset you, Victor.  I only wanted to help.”  Georgi continued to sooth the younger man in his arms, feeling how he was still so thin.  “I’m stupid, okay...I don’t always say the right things.  I know...I’m not Katya or Pyotr or Ivan or Dmitry...but I do care just as much as them.  I hope you know that.  I hope you know...you can talk to me, even if it’s to ask for one of them.  I’ll never be hurt by that.”

 

Victor sniffed back and finally pulled himself together.  He studied the other man as he backed out of his space.  “Yuuri stayed with you when he came to Russia.  You are his friend?”

 

Georgi smiled sadly but nodded.  “I...don’t always make the right decisions with relationships.  Yuuri helped me through a rough night.”

 

Victor leveled a gaze at him, laughing through his tears.  “You  _ never  _ make the right decisions with relationships.”

 

Georgi laughed as he mussed Victor’s hair.  “Maybe we’ll both do better next time around.”

 

Victor smiled softly, still feeling the edge of his regret.  “Yuuri’s a good man...once you get him out of his head.”

 

“Maybe...someone will see that in me one day.”

 

Victor nodded.  “The right person will see you as you truly are, and love you for that.”  He hugged his knees to his chest.  “Yuuri sees me.  That’s what first drew me to him.  I just...don’t know that I was ready.”  Putting his legs down into a butterfly he stated very straightforward.  “I’m a very jealous person.”

 

Georgi grinned.  “I noticed.”

 

“I hope that doesn’t push him away,” Victor murmured.

 

Georgi patted him on his thigh.  “It hasn’t so far.”

 

Victor took in a deep breath and let it out slowly.  “I can do this.  I can get past this.”

 

Now fully collected, Victor showered and changed.  He had cross training in the afternoon.

 

* * *

  
  


Unfortunately, the flowers weren’t the end of the gifts.  Three days later, Victor arrived at the arena to find another gift had been left for him.  He opened the package from Amazon with a frown.  “I haven’t ordered any new books, and I wouldn’t have them delivered here.”  The box opened to reveal four books,  [ The Sleeping Beauty ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Sleeping_Beauty_Quartet) quartet from Anne Rice.  Victor flipped them over to read the back and his eyes widened as he read through the descriptions.   _ Romanticizing rape and horrific bondage literature at its worst.  A story of a girl kidnapped, forced into sexual slavery and eventually becoming complicite in it.  _  Victor shoved the books so hard one fell to the floor.  Georgi walked by about that time and felt the book hit his foot, bending down he saw only the cover and smiled.

 

“What do you have there?”  Georgi held the book out for Victor to take, only to have the younger man recoil.

 

“I-I don’t want them…” he said with a shaky voice stepping back from the literature as though it were tainted.

 

“Sleeping Beauty!  I love that story!  I’m obsessed with collecting all things Sleeping Beauty.”  He flipped over the book and read the back, his eyes widening.  “Oh...oh...this was...not what I was thinking of...this doesn’t look like something you’d order.” Georgi eyed Victor, finally noticing how he was reacting to the books.

 

“I didn’t…”

 

Georgi thumbed through the papers.  “It has a gift invoice.  It’s from...oh…”  Georgi looked up and met his blue eyes.  “No, you don’t want this.  Shall I get rid of it for you?”

 

“P-please…”

 

“Have you talked to Yakov about these gifts?” he asked as he gathered them together.  “Or maybe Yuuri?”

 

“It’s...just things.  I don’t want Yuuri to worry.  And what can Yakov do?”

 

“Victor…” Georgi tried to keep from pressuring the younger man, remembering how he could buck at authority when he felt cornered.

 

“Please...just drop it,” he stated with a stamp of his foot before turning to walk out of the lobby.

 

Georgi sighed as he reboxed the  _ gift  _ and took it to the nearest garbage can.  _  I’m definitely not putting anyone through this. _

 

* * *

 

The third gift undid him.  He received the box and his hands shook as he opened it.  The...lingerie...the bodysuit could have come from Agent Provocateur except one touch of the fabric told Victor that it was of a much cheaper quality.  Victor remembered his mother clucking about the differences in materials when she would do repairs on the side for some of the dancers.  “This one has a man taking care of her.  Look at the softness of the fabric.  She couldn’t afford this on a dancer’s income.”  He looked at the label and spotted the mark of an imposter immediately.  His mother’s voice came back to him.  “Sometimes we have to think of economy but there are ways around that.  Knock-offs...look good but don’t always last as long.  Still, they are cheaper.”  He thought about Masha, his clothes, his manners...knock-off, cheaper, lacking in quality.   _ Why didn’t I see it sooner? _  He closed up the inappropriate gift, his eyes only glossing over the card that stated “You’ll look beautiful in this.”   _ I only saw what I wanted to see at the time.  I...chased after the fairy tale and ignored the reality.  That’s something I’ve been doing for too long. _

 

He dropped the box into the trash can in the locker room leaving in a huff.  Georgi slipped out of hiding and found the box.  “This has got to stop.”  He gathered the final piece of evidence and went to his locker to pull out the rest of the packages Victor had received, as well as his logs of what had been happening.  Carrying the lot, he crashed into Yakov’s office and dumped it onto his desk.

 

“What the…” Yakov began, his eyebrows deepening in anger.  He picked up the cheap body suit that had spilled out of the box and caught the almost pornographic literature.  The older coach just wasn’t paid enough, Victor finds and dates a villain, now Georgi is having a breakdown...

 

“It’s Mikhail...he’s been sending gifts to Victor.  He didn’t want to tell you but I think you should know.  I can see the flowers...but the rest of these...they are quite inappropriate.  It’s a sick game, sending him something this private to a public setting.  It’s like he’s trying to humiliate him long distance.”

 

Yakov thumbed distastefully through the lot before grunting.  “Let me make a call.  He’s already violated the restraining order by showing up at the competition.  Let me see if this qualifies as further violations.  Then I can send my nephew over to address this.  He’s been wanting the opportunity to deal with Volkov.”

 

* * *

  
  
  


Between the gifts, the approach that was caught on tape at the competition, and the tails that Lilia’s driver had shaken but logged, the police were very interested in following through.  Early the next morning, they knocked on Mikhail Volkov’s door.  Muscling into the space, one of them said pointedly, “We hear you have trouble taking no for an answer.  We have multiple counts of violations.  You are being charged with Contempt of Court and violation of a restraining order.  You’re expected to make an appearance at the bench in two days.”

 

Mikhail’s eyes scanned over the documents and rolled his eyes, huffing derisively.  “You do know who I am, don’t you?”

 

The officer leveled a gaze at him and responded, “Just a pion numbercruncher from the docks.  I suspect you won’t be so important to your uncle should this little obsession of yours come to light.”  The other officer wandered around the room poking and prodding into various nooks and crannies.

 

“I’d prefer you not do that,” Mikhail stated in irritation at the disorder the cop was creating.

 

The cop laughed bitterly.  “Are you afraid I’ll uncover something?”  Stepping closer, he asked rather pointedly, “Are you so sloppy as to keep criminal evidence in your home?”

 

Mikhail was taken aback by his words.  He realized these cops were very different from the ones he normally dealt with.  “Why is someone of your level working a domestic case?” he asked, eyes narrowing on the officer, something about his face was familiar.

 

The officer grinned leaning casually on the corner of the sofa.  “Let’s just say I took a personal interest in the subject.  You know what that’s like.  Dogging the heels of someone, following them day in and day out, never letting them rest, always making them wonder if you are getting closer.  They call me a bloodhound because of my determination and the way I dog my suspects.  Do you want to make this easier?”

 

Mikhail sniffed, lifting his nose and looking away.  “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

“That’s what they all say.”  He stood up and leaned into his space taking a whiff of the other man’s cheap cologne.  “I wouldn’t miss that court date.  Then I’d have to pay another visit...do a little more digging.  Never know what I’ll find.”

 

“Are we done here, officer?” Mikhail clipped out.

 

The other man stepped back with a look of satisfaction.  “For now, Volkov.  Just remember...I’m watching you.”

 

* * *

  
  


One more gift arrived at the rink and as Victor stared at the box, his hand thumbing the opening, he felt a hand cover his and looked up in surprise to see Yakov.  “You don’t have to open it.”

 

Victor’s eyes widened.  It never even occurred to him.  “I just...want them to stop, Yakov.”

 

“I know, Vitya.  I’m working on that...I’ve already called in our attorneys on the matter.  Why don’t you let me handle this..and you go collect yourself before returning to the ice.”

 

“Thank you, Yakov.”  He retreated, head lowered, to the locker room feeling those wizened eyes following him.  Sitting down on the bench, he pulled his bag out of his locker.  He hovered his finger over Yuuri’s contact a moment before tapping it.  As the call started to ring through, Victor started to panic.  He didn’t think about the time difference.  Then Yuuri picked up.

 

“Vitya...is everything okay?”  Victor could hear the concern in the voice on the other end and started to feel silly.

 

Taking a deep breath, he tumbled out about the gifts, Yuuri remained silent as he listened.  Finally, he took a deep breath giving Yuuri room to speak.

 

“If he’s harassing you, maybe I should come over there,” Yuuri suggested.

 

“N-no...you have classes to finish up.  I’m just being silly.  Yakov’s handling it.  I just...I’m upset and I needed to talk to someone.”  Victor felt himself become convincing in his tone, even if he didn’t believe it.

 

“That’s fine, Vitya.  You can call me any time to talk or vent or whatever you need.”

 

“I didn’t mean to wake you up,” he murmured, shrinking into himself.

 

Yuuri laugh barked through the other side.  “I guess I should let you in on a secret.  I’m a bit of a night owl.  I’m actually walking back from the rink.”

 

“From the rink?  It’s so late!”  Victor brightened, thinking of Yuuri crossing his campus in the middle of the night with his skate bag slung to his back.   _ Big dork. _  Victor bit the bottom lip smiling.

 

“Sometimes I can’t shut down all of my anxious thoughts.  So I go and skate it off.  Ciao Ciao knows.  I’ve always done this...since I was in my early teens.  Back home, I either danced in Minako’s studio or skated at Ice Castle.  I have keys to several places that help me deal with my anxiety.”

 

“Oh...am I...the reason you’re so anxious?”  Victor began to feel guilty again.

 

A warm laugh came across the connection.  “Well, sometimes.  But to be honest, I was freaking out about a programming project and couldn’t get my head around what the instructor wanted from me.  So...I took a break to relax my mind.”

 

“But...you did all of that other stuff...to fix my mess.”

 

“Yeah...I did.  Sometimes I get stuck on the easy stuff and can sail through the hard stuff.  My mind is a bit strange.  I think I have it, though.  I’ll get it done, grab a few hours of sleep before I head to class.  It’s not until ten so I should be good.”

 

“And then I call and unloaded my anxious thoughts on you.  I’m sorry, Yuuri.”

 

“Don’t be...and don’t hesitate to call me.  I don’t care about the time.  I’m here for you if you need me.  Okay?”

 

“Okay...just...will you do the same for me?  I’m always taking...and you always keep your troubles away from me.”

 

There was quiet on the other end as Victor’s words settled in.  “I will...it’s hard for me, but I’ll try.”

 

“Thank you, Yuuri.  I feel...better now.  You should go finish your assignment.”

 

“I will...but are you sure?”

 

“I’m sure.  Good night, Yuuri.”

 

“Have a good day at practice, Vitya.”

 

Lowering his phone, he dropped it into his backpack and tucked it into his locker.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Mikhail had no concerns for the police to be honest.  He did worry, however, about the order to come before his uncle.   _ He can’t have found out!   _ As he sat before him for lunch, he forced himself to be calm and easy going.  “So how are you these days, Uncle Pavel?”

 

“I do well, as you know.  You keep my books.  The question on my mind is how are you?” The older man’s voice betrayed an annoyance, but Mikhail had to run to all corners trying to predict where this conversation would go.

 

“What do you mean?” With a practiced ambivalence he spread the napkin across his lap, using the motion to glance at his uncle’s face for clues.

 

“I understand you had a visit from Vice yesterday.  Perhaps you’d like to explain to me why my accountant is drawing the attention of the police?”  The older man followed his nephew’s motions easily, not revealing anything.

 

“It...has nothing to do with business, sir,” Mikhail sputtered out.  “It’s just...a little domestic matter.”

 

“That little matter that had your face painted all over the news?”  The elder Volkov heard the relief in the younger’s voice.   _ If this is the secret you don’t mind me knowing, what else are you hiding? _

 

“Maybe,” he responded.

 

Pavel Volkov leaned forward and stated in no uncertain terms, “Get your affairs in order.  I will not have the police stumbling into my affairs because of your personal business.  Am I understood?”

 

“Yes, sir.”  Mikhail recovered, and was able to create something of worry in his demeanor.   _ Getting Viten’ka back is only a matter of time.  If this distracts you, all the better for it. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading. For those who want to wait until Victor's on the other side to start reading, wait until 22. Then you can get to the other side. I'll do a quick summary if you want to skip the bad stuff on Chapter 20.


	20. Save Myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor's fears are realized.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter includes scenes of kidnapping, violence and rape. I will put a trigger warning notice before it begins and ***** when it ends. A summary will be at the end for those who wish to skip it.
> 
> NOTE: If you want to read this when the resolution is in place, wait until 22 goes up.

* * *

 

[ Save Myself ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDigjVOQjV8)

* * *

 

TRIGGER WARNING:  This chapter includes scenes of kidnapping, violence and rape.  I will put a trigger warning notice before it begins and ***** when it ends.  A summary will be at the end for those who wish to skip it.

 

* * *

  
  


 

Yuuri rolled over in bed with a groan as the alarm sounded.  Phichit snorted from where he was sitting, fully dressed for they day and working on his own computer.  “If you didn’t talk at all hours of the night with your new boyfriend…”

 

Victor...they had talked daily since that phone call where Victor unloaded on him.  He smiled as he remembered their talk the previous night.

 

“I can’t imagine life without skating,” Victor had said.  “But if I couldn’t skate, I’d probably go behind the scenes and work with costumes like my mother.  Or become a lit professor.   _ That  _ would require me to go to college and I still can’t believe you have time for both.”

 

“If you have time to read volumes of books, you have time to go to college.” Yuuri laughed at the childlike awe Victor still possessed for Yuuri’s work ethic.

 

“I suppose...I don’t know if that’s right for me.”

 

“Did you struggle in school?”  Yuuri asked more to help Victor realize his strengths.  After a single conversation with the younger man it was apparent he was smart.

 

“No...not really...I mean, with people, yeah.  But not with school itself.”

 

“I think you’d be a great college professor, talking about your favorite novels.  I know I’d be a very attentive student in that class,” Yuuri teased.

 

“Oh, you would?  And would you change your major once again?”  Yuuri could hear the playful challenge in the tone.

 

“Maybe...would you teach fantasy lit?”

 

“I could hold my own...especially with the classics.”

 

“I’m going to fall asleep picturing you at the front of the class and me sitting in the back crushing on my professor.”  Yuuri laid back in his bed, looking up at the ceiling of his dorm room but actually seeing Victor, tweed jacket and all heading a class discussion on… well, anything.

 

“Now that sounds a bit naughty, Mr. Katsuki.”

 

Yuuri was glad his roommate was asleep or he’d catch hell for his side of the conversation.  “You may have to call me into your office for a conference, Professor Nikiforov.”

 

“Oh. My. God.  Yuuuuriiii…”  But Yuuri could hear the laughter in his...boyfriend’s...voice.  “I can’t believe you went all the way there.”

 

“I assure you it will go further in my dreams,” Yuuri suggested, his voice thickening with want.

 

He heard Victor breathing a little slower, steadying himself.  “I-I...I’m not ready for this,” Victor whispered.  “Is that okay?”

 

Yuuri straightened up right away.  “It’s more than okay.  You can always tell me  _ no  _ and I will never get mad.”

 

“Promise?” Victor’s voice had taken on a younger, innocent tone.

 

“I promise...I only want to give you good memories, Vitya.”

 

“Thank you, Yuuri.  That means a lot.”  Yuuri could hear the shyness in Victor’s voice.  “One day...I just...one day.”

 

“One day is fine, Vitya.  Just tell me when.”

 

The line was silent for a moment before he whispered, “You can dream about me, though.  Then...one day, you can tell me.  When I’m ready…”

 

Yuuri’s dreams, however, took another path...one of daily life, preparing Victor’s lunch and watching him leave their apartment with an art portfolio as he finished his tea.  Supporting Victor as he designed costumes for the younger, up-and-coming figure skaters while he coached a pair of novices that looked suspiciously like the two of them.  It was an impossible dream but that’s what dreams were for...exploring the impossible.

 

* * *

  
  
  


Victor smiled into the pages of his book as he remembered the earlier talks with Yuuri.  He was having trouble focusing on the words in the book, busy imagining a life with Yuuri.  Could he be a lit professor?  Would they take him seriously?  Or would he rather work with costumes.  It wasn’t an extravagant life but his mother was happy.  He enjoyed handling a needle and thread.  He also enjoyed reading and analyzing a good story.  He was lost in thought when an angry grunt come from the next seat over.

 

“What’s up, Yuri?”  They had formed a grudging friendship.  The kid had snuck little gifts to him on nights when Victor would sit in his room, trying not to let anyone know he was crying.  The little blonde would knock on the door, leaving the offering, then run off to hide not wanting to get caught.  Victor would find it and a small smile would bloom in response.  The boy had an odd way for putting a smile on Victor’s face no matter how dark his thoughts became.  Of course the blonde was never as quick or clever as he hoped and he’d been seen by several different pairs of eyes.  No one said anything, though.

 

“That Kazakh skater...Otabek?  He was the older kid in the novice boot camp last summer.”

 

“I remember him.  He was intense...and a little on the quiet side.  I think Mila talked to him some.” Victor closed his book, dropping the pretense of reading and inviting the younger skater to talk.

 

“They are probably close to the same age.  Well, he just left to train for a coach in Canada.  He’s sharing ice with that asswipe JJ Leroy.”

 

“I...don’t think I know him.” Victor smiled at the boy’s vehement dislike for someone he hadn’t met.

 

“He’s still in Juniors.  And already full of himself.  I can’t wait to wipe the ice with his ass.”

 

Victor smiled at the younger skater.   _ So much anger in this kitten _ .  But he knew he had a soft side...behind his claws.  He turned back to his book slipping in between the pages and losing himself into the fantasy of Prince Caspian.  It had been a week since any gifts came from Masha and Victor was beginning to feel more comfortable at the rink.  Masha hadn’t invaded that space, and failed the few times he tried.  Yuuri’s talks had teased him and helped open his thoughts up to...more...when he was ready.  He was caught on the edge of more when he heard the screeching of brakes jerking him from the pages, his arm reach protectively over Yuri...not that he could offer much protection as the car was pushed over the edge of the road.

 

They teetered at first, Victor fighting his panic and trying to keep a clear head, Yuri threatening to get out of the seatbelt and climb out.  The driver was silent, and Victor worried that he’d been injured.  He couldn’t understand what had happened when he felt the SUV start to lurch to a side.  Yuri was on the side of the card tilting over the edge.  Victor shouted “No!” stretching his upper body across Yuri, forcing the seatbelt back into place.

 

Then the car tilted and for a split second they were motionless before it rolled.  He yelled for Yuri.  The blonde screamed out Victor’s name.  Victor felt something hit hard against his head.  Nausea...then darkness filled his vision.

 

* * *

  
  
  


******TRIGGER WARNING:  The next scenes show somewhat graphic violence, implied rape, and kidnapping of a major character.******

 

 

* * *

 

 

Victor’s eyes fluttered as he felt consciousness return...somewhat.  He knew he was in a bed.  Maybe a hospital.  His body felt like it should be in a hospital.   _ What actually happened? _  The barest bit of light that slipped between the slits in his eyes sent his head into a crashing ache, made his stomach roll.  He closed them and breathed through the nausea.

 

In the darkness  he tried to remember what happened.  _  I was in the car.  Reading my book.  Oh...someone hit our car.  The car rolled.  Yuri! _  It took a moment for him to realize that word ripped from him.  It took another moment to realize he wasn’t alone and the other person spoke.

 

“Your boy toy can’t help you now.”

 

Victor felt his blood freeze in fear.   _ My god!  He’s got me!  I won’t...he won’t let me leave alive!   _ Victor could feel his breath struggling like when he was at the hotel.  _  I’m panicking!  I can’t panic!  I’ve got to keep it together!  Surely someone is looking for me!  _  He slowly forced his breath to calm counting between breaths.  He then fluttered his eyes open and faced his captor.

Pulling his hands up to shade his eyes from the light, he realized he couldn’t move them.   _ Why can’t I move them?  _  He jerked them twice before he recognized the restraints on them.  He relaxed his hands and focused on his surroundings.  Closing his eyes, he listened.  He could hear Masha’s footsteps on hard floors.  His apartment has carpet in the bedroom.   _ Where am I? _

 

Victor tried opening his eyes again.   _ Why is it so bright?   _ He blinked and then realized there was a spotlight in his face.  “Where did you bring me?”

 

“Someplace special, my dear.”

 

Victor frowned.  Masha sounded...off, putting it mildly.  He was able to see how unstable the man always had been, but now there was a strange calm in his voice which only made the situation feel worse.  Closing his eyes he heard the dripping of water, unfamiliar smells assaulted his senses.  “This isn’t your apartment.”

 

“No, love, it’s not.  I have a number of places where I can hide out.  This one...is a favorite of mine.  Easy to make...sterile.”

 

Victor shivered at that word.  “Masha?” he heard the tremor of fear in his voice.

 

“Don’t be afraid, sweetheart...this is like all of the other times we played.”  But it wasn’t, there was something quite different about this moment, possibly fatally so.

 

“I-I don’t like it.  Please...let me go home.  I just...want to go home.”  Victor could feel himself fighting his breathing once more...only this time, he couldn’t seem to get it under control.  He continued to struggle, his thoughts shattering as he fought for breath, fought the restraints, fought his imagination telling him everything that could happen to him.  Then...darkness.

 

* * *

  
  


Victor woke up to a darker room.  He could hear the creaking of a rocker.  Turning, he spotted Masha with a book in his hand.  “You know, I never valued literature before.  But this Anne Rice author...she seems to have an interesting...perspective on things.”

 

Victor laughed bitterly.  “If you researched her life, you’d learn she turned to Catholicism and is no longer writing...such things.”  The Victor stilled and suspicion ran over him.   _ How did he get those books back? _

 

“You seem much more...compliant now.  Ready for the work ahead of us.  I’m very sorry to see what an obstinate, disagreeable boy you’ve become in my absence.  I’ve been thinking that perhaps you need more aggressive training than I originally thought.  So I’ve rigged this little pulley system.  Let’s see how you respond to more...purposeful training.”  He pressed a button to the remote lying in his lap.

 

Victor gasped as, all of the sudden, his arms were being stretched above his head.  Then his body was being lifted off of the bed and as he cleared the mattress, Masha pushed the bed out of the way.  Victor noticed how easily the light weight bed rolled out from under him.  The older man walked around Victor letting his fingers slide around his body.  In the stress and urgency of everything else, this was the first time Victor realized he was completely naked adding to his vulnerability.

 

“So beautiful...like a piece of art.  We just have to take care of that rebellious spirit of yours.”

 

“Please, Masha...I’ll be good...I promise!”  Swallowing he tried to emulate the child’s voice Masha had always preferred, “Masha, please.”  He could see the object in Masha’s hand.  A thick baton of woven material.   _ Leather? _  Several stringers of oiled leather came out from the handle.  The first swing of the flogger, Victor felt every strip of leather connect to the thin skin of his back.  Fire erupting at each point.  By the third, Victor had checked out mentally, eventually fainting, unnoticed by Masha.

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


*****

SUMMARY:  Masha kidnapped Victor from the car and took him to an unfamiliar place that makes Victor think of a hospital.   He then proceeds to take their “play” to the next level.  The next scene will involve Victor’s struggle to escape.  He will also be dealing with the aftermath of Masha’s violence.  But he’s a fighter.  

* * *

 

*****

TRIGGER WARNING:  Mention of rape.   Mostly contained in the second paragraph of the next scene.  

*****

 

When Victor came to, he was stretched out on his stomach.  He could smell the herbal mixture of the salve Masha spread over his wounds, the same stench from the countless past times he had beaten Victor bloody.  He knew the yellow stain on his skin would fade, the scars would come together and leave small reminders but for now he felt raw.  He pushed himself up, his arms shaky from being stretched over his head.  Victor struggled with the confusion that came with a head injury.  He studied the leather restraints on his hands connecting him to the bed.  The bed itself looked like something out of a hospital.  Victor didn’t want to know why.  At least it was clean except for some of his blood on the sheets.

 

As he tried to push himself upright only to be met with pains inside his body and knew what it meant.  Victor doubled over but fought back the need to vomit.   _ I know he raped me while I was unconscious but I have to keep myself together.  This might be my only chance to escape. _  Victor looked around him, seeking a solution to the problem.  _  I need something to cut the leather off or to help manipulate the buckle.  _  He spotted a metal bar, hollow and light.  _  It might just work. _

 

Victor stretched his leg out and tried to reach it, frustrated that it was too far.  Then the bed shifted and he remembered it was on wheels.  It took all of his flexibility to turn himself around in bed, feeding his legs between his arms.  He pushed hard against the wall sending the bed off in the right direction.  Now to fight against the pain and stretch in his body to turn back around.  Stretching out his foot, he used his toes to grab hold of the bar.  He then stretched it behind him.   _ Just like Bielman.  If she can do this, I can do this. _  Arching his back, he dropped the bar, wincing as it hit his head sending fresh throbbing pain shooting through the nerves.  _  Breathe through it.  Focus. _  He got one hand onto the bar.  Pushing back up on his elbows, he used it to manipulate the buckle, moving his mouth as if that would help it in the process.  _  Pull up the prong.  Push out the leather.  Slide.  Damnit!  _  It caught the next hole.  Victor tried to pull his hand free and knew he needed one more hole loose.  He focused and repeated the process then his first hand was free.  Turning to the other, he used his free hand to quickly unbuckle that band.  He was free.

 

Pushing off the bed, he stood on wobbly legs, the concrete floor cold under his feet.   _ Where...what?  _  Ignoring his nakedness, he focused on the goal to escape.  He leaned against the wall and worked his way to the door.   _ Please be unlocked.  Please think I’d not get free of the restraints.   _ He tried the door.  It didn’t budge.  Victor felt a sob fight to escape but he took a deep breath.  _  No!  I’m not going to let him have me.  He’s taken enough from me.   _ Victor tried the door once more and felt it give a little.  He tried it again and the rusty handle finally gave in to his touch.

 

When he stepped out, he blinked in surprise.  _  It’s an abandoned hospital...similar to the one my mother passed away in _ .   _ Mama?  Can you help me to escape? _

 

Movement to the side caught his eye.   _ A rabbit.  Why are you here?   _ Some of the windows were broken but he could tell he was at least a floor above the ground.  The room where he was located must have been one of the few rooms still intact.  Where the windows were out, the floor was degrading.  As he glanced back, he saw the words above the door.   _ Surgery.  That’s why the floors were concrete. _  Victor shivered.  He followed the rabbit like Alice hoping to find his way out of this nightmare of a Wonderland.  At some point he caught a view of an abandoned doctor’s office, an old lab coat hanging on the hook.  He pulled it on to ward off the chill.  _  At least it’s not December.   _ He continued after the rabbit and found the stairs.   _ Douglas would be proud of you for helping me. _  The rabbit wiggled its nose in response.  Victor held onto the rail not sure which was worse, the shaky rail or the rickety stairs.  But he reached the bottom floor and the double doors appeared before him.  He rushed towards them pushing them open.

 

Chains held them shut...for the most part.  One would have to be pretty thin to get through them.  The rabbit bounded between them and Victor thought about all of the deprivation he’d gone through.  He still didn’t have all of his weight back.  Could he squeeze through?  He had to try.  He took several deep breaths letting them out slowly and on the last exhale, he squeezed through the opening.  He could feel the scrape of rusted metal against his skin.  He could feel the bite of broken and weathered concrete under his bare feet but...he broke free.  The bunny had paused in the tall grass and Victor didn’t see it at first.  Then his eyes rested on the gray fur.   _ You’ve got me this far. _

 

He followed the rabbit towards the hedge.  Within the old and dead bushes, a break in the fence was concealed.  He pushed through biting his lip as he felt the broken wire dig into his shoulder.  Then he was through.  He could see a highway.  Looking both directions, he tried to determine where to go, what direction.  The bunny hopped across the first lane and turned to look at him.   _ You’re right, I probably shouldn’t take the road _ .  He followed.  They cut on across another field then he broke through a narrow treeline.   _ I know where I’m at! _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. Next chapter will go up tomorrow.
> 
> Thanks so much to my wonderful friends/editors/beta readers BluSkates and Magrathea. Although I know you both are as much glitter trash as me. ;)


	21. Walking on Broken Glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having escaped his monster, Victor works desperately to get to a place of safety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the edits and support, BluSkates and Magrathea!

* * *

 

[ Walking on Broken Glass ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y25stK5ymlA)

  
  


With the night air biting his body under the thin lab coat, Victor worked his way through the side streets.  The feeling in his feet was long since gone, which was good as they were cut and likely bleeding but he pushed on needing to get a phone.  He needed other things that would help him escape.  He needed...clothes.  Tightening the old labcoat around his body, he prayed he wouldn’t run into anyone.  Darting through the streets, he used his adrenaline to push him forward.  Then he spotted his goal.

 

Thanks to Ivan and Dmitry, Victor knew at least five ways to break into the rink without setting off the alarms.  Before Yakov gave up and surrendered keys to his top skaters, the men used to climb through the basement windows at night to catch ice time.  He considered his options and decided on a grate that dropped into the east side of the basement.  It was out of sight and probably the least difficult, his small body would fit through the opening and he was running on adrenaline with almost no strength left.  Skirting around the massive structure of the skate complex, he found himself both thankful and worried about the bright moonlight.  It shone down on the side of the building illuminating the small opening he wouldn’t have been able to see otherwise, however with his silver hair, pale skin, and white lab coat he stood out like a sore thumb to anyone who caught sight of him through the well lit night.  It took ten long minutes of careful searching to locate the loose grate.  He pulled it open and turned to scoot on his stomach, lowering himself in through the opening legs first, ignoring how the surface dug into his skin.  At this point, it was just another scrape.

 

He felt the tips of his toes dangling as he entered the building and fought the wave of panic, flashes of his arms over his head, his body suspended up and powerless, the whip wrapping around him.  Shoving down the memory, he focused on his breathing and then pushed off the ledge.  He felt the impact of the concrete on his legs as his feet failed him and crumpled under the impact.  That wasn’t good.  But he rose, turned, and took in a deep breath.  This building was familiar.  He knew its nooks and crannies.  He wasn’t lost in the maze of equipment in the small basement.  But without the moonlight to guide him, he had to feel his way through the shadows until he found the door that took him to the stairs.

 

The stairs opened to the back side of the bleachers.  He moved around the stands and into the hallway.  The locker rooms...his immediate goal.  He eased down the hallway and pushed into the locker room door.   _ Could I turn on the lights?  Would someone see them and call the police? _  He mentally mapped out the direction of the locker room windows and remembered they faced a parking lot then a wooded stretch behind, facing no one.  He flipped one of the switches, illuminating part of the room closer to the doors, and entered the familiar space.

 

Avoiding the mirror for now, he went to his locker thankful he had left his bag containing a couple of changes of clothes there over the past week.  He looked through his options finding some weathertech leggings and a long sleeved t-shirt.  Digging around deeper in his locker, he found a pair of trainers tucked away at the back...an old pair broken down from running but they would do for now.  He gathered the rest of his needs and went to the shower.

 

As he walked towards the tiny stall, he finally caught a glimpse of his body.  Blood caked on his skin and matted in his hair.  He could see bruises, cuts and blood left behind from the head injury from the car crash mixing with the fresher wounds from the beating.  Bruises had already bloomed on his wrists from straining against the cuffs.  His skin was pale and pulled, littered with scratches and abrasions.  He looked like a nightmare, like a mangled up corpse come back to life in some horror movie.  Sighing, he pushed himself into the shower stall and washed the worst of it down the drain, allowing the water to warm him up and return feeling to his body.  The cold numb turned to a burn as his skin came back to life, and the shooting pain from his feet confirmed they were cut, and his ankle undoubtedly sprained from the fall.  He scrubbed his skin, the wounds, anything  _ He  _ might have touched...which was everything.  He checked wounds.  He checked his feet.  They were wrecked.  Who was he kidding?  He was a wreck.

 

Finally he turned off the water and stepped out of the shower.  The burning stopped as his skin acclimated, but a new sense of numbness had settled around him aggravated by exhaustion and running on fumes.   _ When did I eat last?   _ He sat on the bench.   _ What time is it? _  Then he remembered his phone, the one Yuuri had given him, was in his bag.  Going over to the satchel, he dug around until he found the phone.  He didn’t even think about the time.  He found Yuuri’s number.  Stretching out across the bench he waited for the other to pick up.

 

“Oh, my God!  Vitya, is this you?”  Victor could hear the panic in Yuuri’s voice.

 

“Yuuriii…”  His voice sounded weird, strained, he hadn’t talked in hours.

 

“Where are you, baby...everyone is looking for you!”  Yuuri’s words came out in a passionate horrified mess.

 

“Don’t...tell them.  I’ve got to get away.”  His words were oddly calm like he lacked the energy to panic.

 

“Talk to me.  Please…”  Down the line Yuuri calmed himself, he recognized the distance in Victor’s voice realizing that the younger man was fading.

 

“I...escaped...but I am afraid,” he whispered like someone might hear.  “He’ll find me again, Yuuri.  I need to get away.  I don’t know what to do.”

 

“Where are you?”  Yuuri fought the panic, he could hear Victor’s tone regressing further, his words repeating and losing focus.

 

Victor gathered his thoughts, forcing the words out, almost as if he were making a list.  “I’m...at the rink.  I broke in.  I didn’t have any clothes.  I got away.”

 

In the silence, Victor knew Yuuri was working through his options.  “I’m going to come get you, baby...I’m going to bring you home with me.  Okay?”

 

“I can’t stay here.”   _ It’s the first place he’ll look. _

 

“Go to Georgi.  You are never seen with him.  He won’t look for you there.  Do you know where he lives?”

 

“Yeah...it’s not too far.”

 

“I could...have him come get you.”

 

Victor studied his feet.  Knowing how badly it would hurt, he hadn’t worked up the courage to cover them up and slide on his shoes.  “My feet are really messed up.  I had to walk barefooted.”

 

“Oh, baby…”  He sucked in his breath then said more forcefully, “Okay...get yourself together and out of the building.  I’m going to call Georgi.  Then I’ll call you back.  Okay?”

 

“Yuuri...I’m really scared.”  He felt his calm slipping.

 

“I know, baby.  I’m on my way.  I’ll keep you safe.”

 

“Don’t tell Yakov...not until I’m gone.  I don’t want  _ Him  _ to know I’ve made it this far.”

 

“Okay...I won’t.  Just Georgi.”

 

The call disconnected.  Victor stared at it a moment before he shook himself out it.  He was cold, but then again, he was in an ice rink.  The locker rooms shouldn’t feel this cold, though.   _ Gather yourself together _ .  Victor clung to that command, packed his bag, and made his way out to the hallway.   _ This is all I have now _ .  He almost made it down the hall when he paused at Yakov’s door.  Reaching for a credit card kept in his bag for emergencies, he jammed it past the lock opening the door.   _ Little Yuri would be so proud of me.   _ He moved over to the file cabinet and opened the drawer that held his file.

 

Victor shoved his hand through his hair, the manilla envelope held all of Victor’s important documents.  He opened it up and spilled it out on the desk.  He hesitated at the phone.  It had a lot of pictures and other things on it...but it also was a means for Masha to find him.  He tucked that back into the envelope.  He then gathered his passport, medical documents and other identification needed for travel.  Frowning, he grabbed a sheet of printer paper and digging around for a marker, he scribbled a note.

 

> _ Yakov~ _
> 
>  
> 
> _ I’m sorry I’ve been so difficult lately.  I made one bad decision after the next.  I never wanted anyone to get hurt because of me.  I hope you know I appreciate everything you’ve done for me from teaching me to skate to giving me a home.  Please take care of Makkachin for me.  I’ll be in touch as soon as it’s safe. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ V _
> 
>  

Victor shoved the tears out of his eyes.  _  Masha, you asshole.  You not only took away my life, you stole my family.  I hope someday you find out that Karma’s a bitch and it bites you as hard as it can. _

 

He folded the note in half and stuck it into the manilla envelope with the phone before returning it to the file cabinet.   _ Yakov will find this; it’s safe there.   _ He had his important papers, his only belongings he could get his hands on, and his skates.  It was time to go.

 

Getting out was easier than getting in.  The building was older, so locks and alarms worked one way.  He pressed the release bar and opened the door, letting it close on its own behind him.  As he slipped into the shadows to wait, he felt his phone vibrate.

 

“Yuuri?”

 

“Yes, Vitya...it’s me.  Are you still okay?”

 

“Yes...I just got outside.”  His eyes darted around the parking lot, as if confirmed that he was outside.

 

“Georgi’s on his way.  He had to get rid of Anya.”

 

Victor involuntarily made a face but shook it off.  “Yuuri, are you sure you are coming?”  His voice was small.

 

“I’m on my way to the airport as we’re speaking.  Ciao Ciao is driving me...he isn’t happy about not telling Yakov.”

 

“Tell him to just give me time to get out.  Please.”

 

“He won’t tell, not until you’re on the plane...he’s just not happy about it.”

 

Lights flashed across the steps as a car pulled in out front.  Victor shrunk back with a sharp intake of breath into the shadows, unsure who it was.  Masha would look here first.   Then he spotted Georgi’s distinctive profile silhouetted by the moonlight.  “He’s here, Yuuri.” Victor breathed into the phone but remained crouching in the shadows.

 

“Okay.  I want you to go to him.  I’ll be out of touch while I’m on the plane.  It’s a long flight.  And I need to know you are safe...with Georgi.  Okay?”

 

“I-I’ll be okay.  I’ll be with Georgi.”

 

“Can you put Georgi on the phone quickly?”

 

Victor stood still, watching Georgi approach.  Relief settled onto the other man’s features as he ran up to take the bag.  Georgi started to guide him to the car when he noticed Victor wasn’t moving.

 

“You need to talk to Yuuri.”  He held up the phone, and that’s when Georgi saw the odd look on Victor’s face, as if he were lost.

 

Georgi took the phone, “Yuuri?”

 

“Thank god. Georgi, thank you. Can you stay with him?  I’m worried he might be going into shock.”

 

“I have skate tomorrow but I’ll call out…”

 

“No!  That will look suspicious.  Just get him to your apartment, and make sure he stays put. Remind him that he’s to wait for me, I’ll come and get him there.”

 

Georgi breathed in, he didn’t like leaving the younger man in that state, but Yuuri was correct. Volkov would look for him, and that meant he would look at all of them for clues.

 

“Okay, I’ll put him back on the phone.”  Georgi handed the phone back to Victor, who started moving to the car.

 

“I want you to wait at Georgi’s apartment.  I will come and get you.  Get some rest.  I’ll be there soon.”

 

“I will...try.  Thank you, Yuuri.”  Victor hung up, then looked at the phone as it turned to a black mirror, showing his emotionless face.

 

As he settled into the soft seats of Georgi’s car, he felt his control start to break.  He stared at his shaking hands and felt the weight on his chest.  Sniffing back, he knew he was crying.  Georgi said nothing, just negotiated the streets then pulled into his drive.  It wasn’t until they were safely in his house that he broke the silence.

 

“Yakov’s going to kill me for keeping this from him.  Are you sure about this?”  Georgi settled him in a soft spot on the couch, putting a blanket over his lap.

 

Victor stared at him with wide eyes.  “I’m terrified, Georgi.  I didn’t want to go to anyone I knew but...I can’t stay out in the open.”

 

Georgi’s lips thinned as he nodded.  “I’m glad you came here.  You know I’ll watch out for you...but Yakov…”

 

“You can tell him...after I’m safely on the plane with Yuuri,” Victor negotiated.

 

Shoving his hand through his hair, he asked, “Do you...need anything?”

 

Victor shrugged.  “I haven’t eaten since...you know, lunch at the rink.”

 

“Oh, shit!  God, you must be starving.”  Georgi began to flutter about towards the kitchen.

 

“No...not really.  I just know I need to eat something.”   _ I’m in pieces but I need to hold it together.  For Yuuri... _

 

“How about we split a sandwich?”  Georgi was relieved to watch a little life start to climb into his eyes, and his body relax into the couch.

 

Victor smiled weakly.  “I...could do that.  Thank you.”  Victor had to force the first few bites down and then his appetite woke up and that was the best sandwich he ever ate.  Georgi flipped through some channels and finally settled it on a cooking show.  It felt...safe.  And he waited for Victor to make the next move.  Finally, Victor spoke.  “Is Yuri okay?”

 

Georgi made sure his voice stayed soft, “He was banged up from the wreck.  They said if he hadn’t had his seatbelt on he wouldn’t have made it.  You kept him safe, and probably saved his life.”  Georgi studied the face before him, hoping it would brighten but it remained static.  “He’s pissed, though.  He said you forced him to keep his seatbelt on and then you went and got yourself taken.”

 

“You can assure him that wasn’t in the plan,” Victor stated dryly.

 

“He’s terrified, you know...and is blaming himself.  He thinks he let you down.”

 

“He didn’t,” Victor said softly.  Silence stretched out for another period of time.  Then Victor asked, “What about the driver?”

 

Georgi didn’t answer at first.  “He didn’t make it, Victor,” his voice came out quietly, matter-of-factly.

 

“I think...he was dead before the car rolled.  He wasn’t saying anything.”  Victor shivered then looked up when a blanket was wrapped around his shoulders.

 

“You should get some sleep.  I...have a spare bed.  It’s in my office.  There’s no windows...you should be safe.”

 

“You’ll be gone when I wake up,” Victor said quietly.

 

“Yuuri knows how to get in...but yes, it’s best I go to the rink.”

 

Victor met his eyes.  “I never dreamed my life would be this messed up.”

 

“We all mess up, Victor.  Don’t hold onto that.  Yuuri’s going to come get you and you will be safe.  Just remember that.”

 

“Be careful.”

 

“I will.”

 

Victor entered the the small room and crawled into the small bed at the back of the room.  Everything, his struggle, his fight, his escape...the weight of it all pressed down on him along with the changes he was facing.  “I’m scared, Yuuri…”  Those words escaped his lips as he finally fell asleep.  The clock struck six...in the morning.

 

 

Georgi quietly moved about the home, getting ready for his day.  He was exhausted but at least he knew Victor was safe.  He just couldn’t put anyone else at ease.  Casting a furtive glance down the hall, he stepped out of the house double locking it before climbing into his car and going to the rink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter we see Yuuri!


	22. You Found Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri is here!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So for those waiting for the signal, this is it. Yuuri's come to get his Vitya. I'll be moving back to three posts a week now.
> 
> Thanks to Magrathea and BluSkates for helping me get this in order.

* * *

 

[ You Found Me ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdY0CxiZul0)

  
  


Yakov arrived at the rink in a mood that had all of the skaters hiding from him while trying to stay close to catch any news.  Victor was missing.  The search team had looked up and down the slope, convinced Victor had been thrown from the car, losing precious time.  Both the driver and Yuri had been transported to the hospital unconscious; Lilia was with the blonde, the driver put into ICU on critical care on intake.  Her uncle was not pleased that the driver/bodyguard failed in his job but Lilia stayed his hand.  In the end, it didn’t matter.  The impact of his head on the side glass was fatal and within a few short hours, he had faded into oblivion never having regained consciousness.

 

Yuri, however, was alive.  Lilia refused to leave his side, even as Georgi, Dmitry, Ivan, and other skaters joined her, standing vigil until he woke.  The little blonde’s face scrunched in panic as his memory started to clear.  His first words…“Victor…” came out in a strangled, panicked cry. That was when they learned that Yuri saw the silver haired man being taken from the wreckage just before he lost consciousness.  “No no no...I’ve got to…”  He struggled to sit up, Lilia coming to his side to soothe him back into laying still.  Two doctors with several nurses fluttered in the room, checking IVs and performing small inquiries before removing his neck collar.

 

When they had cleared his bed LIlia came up, catching his frantic eyes darting around the room.  “Yuri, the police are handling it,” Lilia reassured him, smoothing his hair, caked with blood that wasn’t all his own.

 

Yuri struggled to sit up again but failing grabbed her hand, “You don’t understand!  He’s got Victor!  I saw him grab him!  I just...couldn’t…”  The doctor shot his eyes to Lilia before administering a sedative intravenously to calm him down.  As the boy settled, Lilia called Yakov to relay the information who, in turn, conveyed it to his nephew with Interpol.

 

That’s when the search took a different turn, police were informed of a hostile kidnapping, no longer looking for a disoriented person, however they didn’t change the designation for fear of escalating the situation.  Victor was listed as missing.  Cameras from the intersections nearby were checked, looking for evidence of the car that hit them, turning up nothing.  The attack had been well planned in a blindspot.  Witness reports were collected, paint samples were taken, images of tire marks, anything that could identify the make and model of the other car involved and track down the driver.  With the restraining order on file, they had their primary suspect.  Yuri’s words only confirmed it.

 

Police and Interpol officers went immediately to Mikhail Volkov’s apartment and place of employment.  The apartment yielded nothing, while nothing extraordinary stood out a trained eye could see that it had been abandoned, Volkov removing what was essential underground.  The dock workers were restless but all said they hadn’t seen their boss that day.  Both places were staked out as Nikolai Feltsman began searching his quarry’s haunts and habits.

 

Yakov barked at the skaters on the ice, demanding a new level of perfection from their skating while simultaneously calling them in to ask them directly if they had heard from Victor.  No one was given a soft treatment that day, the boy that had been left in his care, trusted to him by the boy’s mother as she was dying, was in danger.  Georgi avoided the ice when Yakov was near, and avoided the elder coach’s eyes at all costs, disappearing into the gym and studio.   _ If he asks me a direct question, I won’t be able to lie, Victor. _

 

* * *

  
  


The cleaning lady watched the activities.  The concern of the skaters and coach for their missing person was evident, they were a broken family with this boy missing.  She pushed her cart from room to room, watching as couples shared whispered conversations, giving them sympathetic smiles.  Inside her cart she hid the evidence that Victor had been there...a thin lab coat with evidence of blood.  Her stomach lurched upon the find.  She knew that  _ He  _ would demand it and was terrified to turn it over to the kindly man who treated her so fairly.  __ Thinking of the boy that always had a kind ‘good morning’ for her, she frowned,  _ I’ve made a deal with the devil. _

 

* * *

  
  


The hours ticked painfully by on the plane, Yuuri in first class because there always seemed to be room in first class these days.  He had two men with him and three on another flight just behind them with the instructions to make sure his grandfather’s plane was ready to lift off as soon as possible.  Yuuri knew it was a race against time.  When he received the first call asking if he had heard from Victor, informing him that Victor was missing, he began setting things in motion.  Then he paused, torn.  He could leave right away, get to Russia and...what?  Be just as stuck as everyone else?  What if Viktor called while he was in flight and he missed the call?  In the end, he chose the harder of the two options and waited.  He alerted his men and began putting together a plan.  He called his grandfather and arranged for the private plane to be sent ahead to Russia to wait for him...and hopefully Victor.  He set three different flights to Russia.  And he waited...for the call...for something.

 

Then it finally came.  And Yuuri scrambled to get Victor to a safe place from half a world away.  A small sense of relief came when he realized he would have been in the air if he hadn’t waited for that call, and Victor would have gone to voicemail.  He would not have been there for Victor when he needed Yuuri the most had he flown to Russia immediately.  Now he was on a nonstop flight to St. Petersburg.  Akio and Ryota were in the seats behind him.  Azumi, Kimiko, and Shinoba on the next flight.  He knew Phichit was monitoring chatter as they traveled.

 

The plane touched down and Yuuri put in an earpiece, connecting him automatically to the other three when they landed.  Moving quickly through customs using his status and privilege of wealth, he made his way to the car waiting for them.  Akio took the keys and went to check it over, leaving nothing to error.  This maniac would crash a car, killing a man to get Victor, he wouldn’t blink at cutting the brakes to this one.  Ryota and Yuuri attended to the luggage as Yuuri connected with Phichit.

 

“Any news?”  Yuuri had been fighting the panic the entire flight, it was wearing on him but he kept his focus knowing that Victor was now only an hour away.

 

“The police still have our friend listed as missing and are sweeping his ex’s connections.  That won’t make them happy and will increase pressure on him.  It might be a good time to leak a certain bit of information to seal his fate.”

 

“Not a bad plan, Phichit.  Let me get our friend out of here first, though.”  Yuuri was thankful he and Phichit had made sure to use indirect statements in case people were listening and making connections of their own.  Victor’s disappearance had made it to international news sources.  People looking for opportunistic reward money could blow this.

 

Yuuri tapped impatiently with his foot as they drove towards Georgi’s apartment, grimacing but understanding the additional time it took.  Akio took an indirect route to avoid attracting attention while Ryota watched for anything or anyone that looked suspicious.  Pulling into the lot, they parked a couple of doors down.  Yuuri dug in his pocket for the key Georgi gave him during his last visit, the key he forgot to return.

 

He waited for Ryota to signal him it was all clear before he got out of the car and approached Georgi’s door.  The first floor apartment was still, and it had Yuuri’s nerves on edge.  What if someone got to him while Georgi was out?  He unlocked the door, both locks sounding loud in their release.  Ryota entered first and checked the space out.  Yuuri secured the door and went looking for Victor.

 

He found the man sleeping in a small room in the back of the apartment, furnished with a desk and other office equipment along with a small bed shoved in the back of the room.  His stomach clenched seeing Victor curled up in a fetal position, his hair a mess around his body, his fingers fisting the blanket for dear life.  Yuuri reached to touch them then snapped his hand back.  How to wake him without terrifying him?  Yuuri knelt down next to the bed.  He wanted to smooth the younger man’s hair from his face.  He wanted to pull him into his embrace.  But he knew that any touch could horrify the younger man right now.  He gingerly stroked Victor’s hand while whispering, “Vitya...I’m here.  Wake up for me, sweetheart.”

 

Victor’s eyes blinked open and continued to blink until they came into focus.  “Y-yuuri?”

 

“Yes, it’s me.  I’m here.”  Keeping his voice light, he smiled at Victor as he saw the eyes open wide in recognition.

 

Victor was in his arms immediately, rolling off the bed and into his lap ignoring his body aches and pains.  He held onto Yuuri for dear life.  And Yuuri didn’t know where to put his hands, didn’t know where Victor was injured, and made his touch light.  “I was so afraid,” Victor whispered over and over, his small body shaking in Yuuri’s arms.

 

Finally, the body seemed to calm a little and Yuuri loosened his hold giving Victor room to pull back.  “Let’s get you out of here.”

 

“What if...he sees me?” Victor asked tremulously.

 

“He won’t.  Darkness has already fallen, and Akio is keeping a sharp eye.  Ryota will check outside before we leave.”

 

“I-I have my papers.  My passports and such.” He pulled up the satchel to show Yuuri, an odd look coming over the pale face, matching his voice on the phone last night.

 

Yuuri’s lips thinned and nodded.  “Good thinking.  We won’t need them right away but I’ll make sure you’re taken care of.  Okay?”

 

Victor looked confused but nodded trustingly.  “If he sees my name...surely he’s watching the airport.”

 

“He won’t...trust me.”

 

“I do, Yuuri...I just…”  He stopped and took a deep breath.  “Get me out of here, Yuuri.”

 

Yuuri took off his hoodie, wrapping it around Victor’s back, “First, put on this hoodie.  Make sure your hair stays tucked in and covered.”  Victor did as he was directed comforted by the smell of Yuuri in the fabric.  Yuuri cut into his thoughts with his next command.  “Come...our plane is waiting for us.”  Yuuri picked up Victor’s few belongings and carried them to the door waiting for Ryota’s signal on the earpiece.  Once cleared, he guided Victor to the car and climbed in behind him.  Ryota did a quick sweep through the apartment, quickly folding the sheets on the little bed to make it look fresh, turning the pillowcase inside out, and removing any evidence of their presence.  Double bolting the door behind him, the guard left the key in the mailbox .

 

In the car, Victor was starting to bounce around nervously.  “He can see us.”

 

“You are well hidden.  The windows and tinted and my guards are some of the top bodyguards in the world.  My grandfather wouldn’t accept any less for my safety.”  Yuuri pulled out his phone, sending a ping to Georgi then turning it off and pocketing it again.

 

Victor watched out the window as they negotiated their way through traffic keeping the hoodie pulled up, his arms tight around himself as he watched for any sign of Mikhail.  As the town started to fall away, Victor turned to Yuuri with wide eyes.  “Where are we going?”

 

“Private airstrip,” Yuuri murmured.  It was only a little while out of St. Petersburg before they pulled up to the tower, a small contingent of mostly Japanese men and women loaded them onto the private jet.  He petted Victor’s hand, seeing the boy begin to take out his identification, “My grandfather called in a favor.  Sometimes he will run items and people through borders without the use of customs for his business.  And he has a number of business contacts who would love to see Volkov, and his whole miserable family, fail.”

 

“So...no one knows we’re here?” Victor asked putting his passport back in the satchel.

 

“There will be certain things that have to be filed with flight control, but for all intents and purposes, no.  My name is nowhere on this plane or the flight logs, neither is yours.”

 

Victor breathed out a sigh of relief as he climbed aboard the plane.  Yuuri guided him to a comfortable seat.  “There is a bed in the back if you wish to sleep.”

 

“I think...I’m still a bit jittery for that.  And I slept for a long time.”

 

Yuuri nodded reaching over to secure his belt for him when Victor stopped him.

 

“I’ve got it.” The blue eyes looked almost furious but softened quickly and fell to his hands, concentrating on the buckle.

 

Yuuri backed off and forced a smile to hide his concern, tending to his own belt.  Once the flight was in the air, he released his seatbelt and Victor followed suit, turning to snuggle into Yuuri’s arms.  “I wish none of this happened to you,” Yuuri murmured, brushing his lips through the younger man’s hair.

 

“I wish...I had Makkachin.”

 

Yuuri blinked as he thought about Victor and his dog.  “I’ll find a way, sweetheart.”

 

A tremble went through Victor and after a moment he tentatively pushed, “Yuuri?”

 

“Yes, Vitya?”

 

The little voice came out in a soft but firm plea, “Will you not use those names?  It’s just...he did...so much.  And they make me shiver.”

 

“Which ones?” Yuuri asked with concern.

 

“The...endearments.  And Viten’ka.  Vitya is fine...and if you have something in Japanese, I’m sure those are fine.  But no sweetheart, my love, perfect, beautiful, lovely...none of that.  Not for now.”

 

Yuuri considered those words and pulled him close, his arms protective.  “Whatever you want, Vitya.”

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


At six sharp, Georgi smiled, pocketed the phone, and rapped sharply on Yakov’s door.  If everything had gone to plan Ciao Ciao would be getting a call in an hour from one of Yuuri’s people and he would, in turn, call Yakov.  Better to confess now.  “Yeah, come in,” the old man invited, his voice clearly unhappy.

 

Georgi opened the door and he saw some things laid out on Yakov’s desk.  A manilla folder.  A phone.  A piece of paper.  Yakov looked up with a frown.  Handing Georgi the paper, he muttered, “I thought it was a suicide note at first.”

 

“It’s not,” Georgi breathed before he even looked at it.  Scanning the words, he smiled.   _ Victor.  You can’t lie to him either. _

 

The old man’s eyes narrowed.  “What do you know?”

 

Georgi closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath.  “He’s...alive...now safe.  He called Yuuri last night after he escaped.  Yuuri arranged for me to pick him up and take him to my place.”

 

The look on Yakov’s face was for a split second utter relief, then terrifying rage.  “What?!  Do you have any idea the pain and fear I’ve felt all day. Wondering where he was,  _ if  _ he was?  I’ve been wracking my brains all day long trying to figure out where he could be and he’s been at your place all along?!”

 

“He’s not...there anymore.  Yuuri...he’s come to get him.  He’s taking him someplace safe.  Someplace out of Volkov’s reach.”  He looked up to meet Yakov’s eyes.  “I’m sorry, coach.  I didn’t know what to do.  I just...wanted to make sure he was safe.”  He glanced down at his hands, at the note, and sighed.  “And he made me promise.  I think...he was afraid this place was being watched.”

 

Yakov frowned.  The rink probably _was_ being watched.  “How...is he?” the old man finally asked.  Georgi could hear the pain of a father worried about his son in that voice.

 

“He...looked like hell, Yakov.  I don’t know what all Volkov did to him, but...he was a mess.”

 

“Old man Katsuki is going to have a fit,” Yakov considered.  “I should tell Lilia.  The old man may be contacting her family already.”

 

“Yuuri’s a good man, sir,” Georgi stated.  “He will keep him safe.”

 

“I know...now to figure out how to handle things on this end.”

 

Georgi started to stand up when Yakov stared him down.  “Not so fast, Georgi.  You knew where my boy was and chose not to tell me.  Plan to do laps.”  Georgi watched his coach with wide eyes.  “All day.”

 

“Laps, sir?” Georgi whined.

 

Yakov grunted.  “And...because he is still watching the rink, we proceed like normal.  And your new normal is watching Victor’s puddleduck class until further notice.”

 

Georgi’s eyes widened but he nodded hastily not daring to argue.  “Yes, sir.”  He placed the note back on the desk.  “You can count on me, sir.”

 

“I don’t need to tell you none of this leaves the office.  You can’t tell anyone, you can’t comfort anyone with this.”  Yakov warning, making certain Georgi felt the full weight of those words.

 

“Of course not.”

 

The coach grunted, waving the young man off as he took the note in hand.  “Vitya, I tried and failed you, my boy.  Perhaps young Katsuki can do better.”  He pocketed the note and started to put the phone back in his cabinet when it dawned on him.  “Perhaps Nikolai can do something with this.”


	23. Echo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor is now safe...but still not dealing with what happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to Magrathea and BluSkates for keeping this on track. For those who want to know what's going on with Mikhail, read BluSkates' "Sense and Sensibility". Not all of the chapters are about Mikhail, either. Background on other characters are included.

* * *

 

[ Echo ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QIeQbXukmBw)

 

Victor woke up from his sleep, disoriented.  Looking over, he saw Yuuri moving slightly in his sleep pressing into his space and smiled,  _ I don’t mind you waking me _ .  He focused on where he was, slowly remembering what had happened.   _ Oh, I’m on Yuuri’s family’s plane.  His grandfather must be quite wealthy to have these resources. _  He knew it was more than just the plane, it was the quick exit from Russia, the hushed actions of the flight tower, the way the pilot averted his eyes.  He shifted upright and looked out the window.   _ Daylight, blue skies, clouds...what is my life right now? _

 

He turned and studied Yuuri reclining back in his chair, his feet up, a blanket pulled over him.  Victor’s own blanket was now puddled on the floor.  He got up to walk around and shake off the ache of his joints.  His body still sore from the attack and his escape, his mind avoiding those thoughts, those memories.  _  Focus on the here and now. _  One of the bodyguards looked up and smiled.   _ Akio?  No, that one was with us when we left Georgi’s.  Perhaps this is  Shinoba.   _ The flight attendant came forward and asked if he needed anything.

 

“Ummm...bathroom?” he asked.  She showed him back to the facility.  Victor stepped into the tiny room.  Looking into the mirror, he frowned.   _ Part of me wants to say it wasn’t real, it didn’t happen.  Just close my eyes and pretend as hard as I can, but...I don’t think I can deny it.  Even with my eyes closed I can feel what he did to me.  _  He fought the tremble in his chin, the pucker, the tears, every emotion washing over him in the privacy of the tiny receptacle.  He turned to the toilet.  A glance at what he was producing told him he needed water.  Cleaning his hands, he splashed cold water on his face, the chill taking his breath at first.  Facing the mirror, he watched beads run off of his skin.

 

_ If...I’d seen what was right in front of me...paid attention to all the signs...I wouldn’t be in this place.  We’d be together and there wouldn’t be this chasm between us. _  He shook it off and reentered the main cabin, asking the kind attendant for water.  He returned to his chair turning so his back was to the window and he could watch the man sleeping in front of him, brown eyes dancing beneath his lids.  _  It wasn’t supposed to be this way.  This is all because I was impatient and wanted the fairytale.  I forgot that monsters reside in those stories as well.  Those books are filled with evil sorcerers trying to rip the couple apart. _

 

Victor shifted in his seat, beyond sleep, wishing he could disappear into the pages of a book.  He brought the bottle up to his lips.  Jumping up, he went to his bag.  _  No book...that was in the car. _  He stilled remembering the wreck.  The screams.  Were they his or Yuri’s?  Then the darkness.  He stood frozen until he felt a hand on his back.  Turning, he realized Yuuri had woken and was there next to him.

 

“I...got stuck,” he whispered.

 

“It’s okay...let me help you find your way back,” Yuuri offered gently.

 

“I-I was wanting something to read,” his eyes rested on his bag.  Then his thoughts went back to those memories.  “I was reading a book when it happened.  When the car wrecked.  I should have been paying attention.”

 

“You couldn’t have stopped this, Victor,” Yuuri whispered.  “Do you want your phone?” he asked, kneeling next to the bag with the suggestion.

 

Victor flicked his eyes to the bag before nodding.  “I think so.”  He remembered his phone with several volumes on it. 

 

Back in his seat, he stared, unseeing, at the words on the page, frozen in the moment.  Yuuri watched him with concern, flicking his fingers around his own phone

  
  


* * *

  
  


Yuuri guided Victor off the plane, another private airstrip, another well placed bribe for the officials to look the other way, another vehicle, this time an SUV.  Victor seemed to be retreating, responding quicker to a touch guiding him along and not interacting with the world around him.   _ I need to get him home _ .  Another half hour and the SUV pulled up to his family’s onsen.  He climbed out, taking Victor’s hand, who followed behind him.

 

Victor looked around blinking in confusion.  Yuuri felt Victor lag behind as they approached the entrance.  “This is where my family live,” Yuuri supplied.

 

“You can keep me safe here?” he asked uncertainly.  He shook off Yuuri’s hand to clutch his satchel to his chest.

 

“I can...not by myself.  I’ll have help.”

 

Victor met his eyes for the first time in several hours.  “I trust you, Yuuri.”

 

Taking his hand, he added, “This is where my parents live.  They run an onsen, a hot spring resort.  My sister helps them keep it afloat.”

 

Victor processed that information before asking, “Is the economy hard here?”  It felt like his brain stumbled over everything too easily.  Yuuri’s grandfather owned a jet, could bribe anyone, Yuuri had bodyguards...but his sister had to help keep the family business?   _ Why can’t I understand things? _

 

Yuuri smiled, he knew there were details he would have to fill in...later.  “A little depressed, but not too bad.  I saw worse in America.”

 

Victor glanced around, his eyes catching some of the men that followed Yuuri.  He gave them a brief nod before turning back to Yuuri.  “There’s a lot worse in Russia.”

 

Yuuri placed a hand on Victor’s back but felt a stiffening of the other man’s back.  He let his hand fall, then warmed as Victor fit his slender, chilled hand into Yuuri’s hold. _  I’m going to have to learn what spooks you.  I know you aren’t pushing me away.  _  As they entered the house, Yuuri demonstrated that they removed their shoes in the entrance.  Victor followed along, parroting his movements.

 

Then came the warmth, his mother coming out of the kitchen drying her hands on a towel, his father leaving the restaurant customers who watched in interest.  Mari peeking out of the hallway leading towards the laundry facilities and the hot springs.  And Victor shrinking back, hiding behind Yuuri, too aware of the many eyes on him.

 

Yuuri refocused his attention on Victor, lifting a hand to the other man’s chin, catching and holding his eyes.  “It’s just my family,” he murmured.

 

“All of those other people…” Victor protested in another whisper.

 

“Townspeople.  No one here will hurt you and they will protect you just based on your association with me.”

 

“Social media?” he squirmed.

 

Yuuri nodded, giving his hand a squeeze before stepping into the dining hall.  He spoke quickly in Japanese to the patrons.  “My friend would like his presence to be kept quiet.  Please no social media.”  The citizens were quick to give their affirmation and he spotted a couple go to their phones and delete the images they caught.  Returning to his family, he smiled his expression begging their indulgence.  “Mom, Dad, Sis...this is my Victor.  Vitya, this is my mother Katsuki Hiroko, my father Katsuki Toshiya, and my sister Katsuki Mari.”

 

His mother stepped forward and took his hand.  “Vicchan!  You are as lovely as Yuuri has told us.”

 

Victor winced and knew it was a kindness.  He’d seen his pale, tight skin reflected back at him in the mirror complete with bruises.  But he accepted it.  “Thank you...Mrs. Katsuki?”  He glanced at Yuuri for guidance.

 

However, Hiroko would have none of that.  “Just call me Mama.  After all, you are Yuuri’s very important person.”

 

“Mama…” he breathed, and then the tears came unexpectedly.

 

Yuuri’s mother looked at her son in alarm, her expression crying out _ what have I done? _

 

“It’s okay, Mom, Victor is very overwhelmed by what’s happened, travel, and the changes.  And...he was very close to his mother until he lost her.”

 

Her expression softened into a tender love for the young man.  “Oh, I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to upset you,” she quickly apologize.  “Perhaps you would prefer Haha or Okaasan...which is Japanese for Mama.” She offered the alternatives gently, coaxing him to feel comfortable like one would a fawn.

 

Victor smiled sadly.  “It’s okay...I...like being reminded of her.  And I think she would like you.”  He saw her return his sad smile.   _ I’m going to love you. _

 

The slightly stooped older man holding some of Yuuri’s features stepped forward.  “I hope you can call me Papa.  Or Chichi in Japanese.”

 

“I’d like that...thank you.”  Victor smiled playfully at this, never before having had a father to call any endearment.

 

Yuuri’s sister came forward next studying him critically, taking everything in.  Yuuri stepped close to Victor protectively, not that he was concerned about his sister’s intentions, just Victor’s reaction to them.  “Mari-neesan, he’s been through a lot,” Yuuri warned.  He could see the questions forming behind her eyes.

 

She lifted her chin.  “Of course.  You should probably show him to your room and get him settled.”  Turning to Victor, she added, “You’ll be fine here.”  There was promise in her words and a sense of authority.  Victor could tell that she spoke in bald facts and it was the first time he felt safe just because someone said it.

 

Yuuri led him upstairs.  “Are you tired?”

 

Victor considered those words.  “Tired...but not sleepy.”

 

“You’ve slept a lot, but mentally and physically you’ve been through a lot,” Yuuri observed quietly.  Victor just hummed noncommittally.  On the upper floor, Yuuri showed him the space.  “Pretty much all of this is considered my space.  This bathroom...the toilet is through that door.  That room is my childhood room.  I liked...being able to get away from everyone.  It was the furthest location.  And then, when I grew up, I cleaned out and took over this old banquet room.”   Glancing around he then landed his eyes on the attic door.  “That just leads to the attic.  I used to crawl up there when I was a kid.  When I  _ really  _ needed to get away from everyone.”

 

“Wh-where do I stay?” Victor asked softly, his eyes darting from one bedroom door to the other.

 

Yuuri shrugged.  “I thought...I’d let you pick.  I stay in here...and you are welcome.  But...I understand if you prefer a private space.”  Yuuri studied his feet suddenly feeling shy.  A tug on his hand pulled him from his thoughts.

 

“Could I...stay with you...but if it’s too much, go to that room?” Victor asked hesitantly.

 

Yuuri smiled softly.  “Of course.  I just...I didn’t want you to feel you had no choice.”

 

Victor stepped into his space and touched his forehead to Yuuri’s.  “I know I’m a mess...I am glad you came for me.”  He took a couple of steadying breathes in before continuing.  “Do you...still want me?”  His hands were moving up and down Yuuri’s arms uncertainly.

 

Yuuri tipped his chin and whispered, “Always…”  Victor answered with a soft brush of his lips before tugging his hand towards the larger room.  Inside, there was a generous bed, a sofa and chair, a desk, chest of drawers, and a few other furnishings.

 

“Oh, it’s like my apartment!” Victor responded.  “Small, and cozy.”  Looking around, he added, “No kitchen, though.”

 

Yuuri laughed.  “You can use the one downstairs.  Mom will be glad to show you around and help you to become familiar with it.  In fact, she’d look forward to it.”

 

Victor smiled shyly, letting Yuuri’s hand go and walking towards the window that overlooked part of the town and, beyond that, the beach.  He stared out the glass towards the waves kissing the shore, lost in his thoughts.  Yuuri studied him for a moment then set about unpacking.  Once he had his things put away, he approached Victor, placing a hand on his arm.

 

“You’re a million miles away,” he murmured.

 

Victor shivered and then shrugged.  “I was just remembering...my Mama liked the beach.”

 

Yuuri squeezed his hand.  “I know you don’t have much, but once you are up to it, I’ll take you to replace some of your wardrobe.  Or we can order online.”  He led Victor to another storage space.  “This can be converted to a closet and dressing area.”

 

Victor entered the room looking around.  It was large for a closet and had a window.  “I could put a vanity over there, and hang my clothes on that side.  Maybe...a chair under the window.  Red.  Or perhaps blue.  A rug on the floor.  Makka could lie on it...when she comes…”  He looked up at Yuuri and the older man could see tears glistening in his eyes.  “I’m trying…” he whispered.

 

“I know...it’s a lot of change on top of everything else.  Let’s get cleaned up,” he suggested.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Yakov walked into the house, empty of life other than servants...and one dog who watched from the top of the stairs...waiting.  Sighing, the old coach walked up the stairs to deal with Makkachin.  The servants would see that she was well fed.  But the dog was used to Victor coming home and lavishing attention on her.  For the longest time, Victor retreated to that dog, making her his family.  He only started opening back up over the last year...since...Katsuki.  And then Mikhail happened to shut him back down again.

 

He followed Makkachin into Victor’s room.  The large poodle jumped up on the bed, resting her head on one of the rabbits, watching the old man.  Yakov walked around the room, taking in the sense of Victor in the space.

 

It had taken on the look of the boy’s room from when he lived there before.  Some of the rabbits Yakov recognized.  Not necessarily their names but their expression and design.  He sat on the bed, pulling one into his lap.   _ Douglas? _  This one was especially important to Victor.  He had caught the boy talking to it often in the past.  He talked to several of them but this one the most.  He talked to his mother.  And then...there were the moments the boy would stare out the window or into the mirror, lost in his thoughts, forming words with his lips that never caught air.

 

“I’m worried about him...just as if he was my own, Alina...you entrusted his care to me.  I never thought your ghosts would follow him.”

 

He remembered her words said in the rush of the night after settling the boy down to sleep.  She wanted them to watch out for her son.  She was driven by more than her illness.  A very real fear lay behind her actions.  “I am ill...you know this.  I want to make sure his father’s family never gets his hands on my son.”

 

“His father...lives?” Yakov had asked.

 

She laughed bitterly.  “He lives, yes...but he is into some bad stuff.  Very bad.  I managed to escape.  I hid, living backstage.  I could no longer be in the spotlight.  If it weren’t for Madame Lilia choosing to hide me and making sure I was taken care of, I don’t know what would have happened.”

 

“Wh-who is he?” Yakov asked hesitantly.

 

“Andrei Volkov.  This is why I ran to Barnovsky family.  Andrei is very high up in the Volkov family.  He is spy, Obshchak.  He cannot know Vitya exists.  That is why I am handing him over to you and Lilia.  Lilia’s family can protect him.”

 

But they couldn’t…

 

Victor’s father was killed two years after his mother passed.  Yakov and Lilia thought they could breathe easy.  They watched over Victor as their own.

 

Until they couldn’t…

 

Mikhail was a distant cousin to Andrei.  As soon as Yakov heard the name, he hoped it was distant enough not to be connected to the family.  But no, he was the accountant over shipping operations.  He was a Volkov in more than name, Victor showed signs of abuse within two weeks of beginning their relationship.  Rebellious, stubborn, convinced he was an adult, Victor refused to allow anyone in to help him.

 

“Vitya...was I wrong in not telling you?”

  
  


* * *

  
  


Yuuri’s mother brought a light meal up for the two men.  Victor stood as she entered the space.  “Warm  [ miso soup with mushrooms ](http://www.geniuskitchen.com/recipe/miso-soup-with-shiitake-mushrooms-and-tofu-104573) to calm your stomachs after such a long flight,” she invited.

 

Yuuri thanked his mother, taking the tray.  Victor’s expression was dull, but he took the soup and swallowed it down followed by the tea provided.  Yuuri took the tray back down to the kitchen, washing the dishes, only to return to find Victor curled up on the furthest side of the bed, napping or pretending to sleep.

 

“You need so much that it must seem overwhelming to you,” Yuuri murmured, smoothing the younger man’s hair from his face.  “Let me start with the simplest need.”  He pulled out his phone and made a call to Dr. Omiki.  “Omiki-sensei.  This is Katsuki Yuuri.  I am visiting family and I have a friend staying with me.  He...has been through a traumatic experience.  Is there any way you can come to the onsen and see to his injuries?”

 

When the doctor arrived, Yuuri gently woke Victor.  “Vitya, this is Dr. Omiki.  He is here to examine you and to help your body heal more quickly.”

 

The doctor smiled at Victor through the introduction, then asked in English, “Can you step out, Katuski-san?”

 

Victor’s eyes went wide and he grabbed hold of Yuuri.  Brown eyes searched out blue before turning to the doctor asking, “Can you perform the exam with me present?”

 

Studying the patient with a frown, he asked Victor, “Is that what you want?”

 

Victor nodded vehemently.

 

“You’ll need to undress,” he added.

 

Victor swallowed, not meeting Yuuri’s eyes but nodding once more.  Yuuri looked around the room then pointing towards the screen.  “Perhaps you’d like to undress behind that screen.  There is a green yukata should you want to cover up to some degree.”

 

Victor fled behind the screen.  The doctor turned to Yuuri and continued his questions in quiet Japanese.  “What happened to the boy?”

 

“He was in an abusive relationship.  His partner did not accept Victor’s leaving, he was kidnapped and tortured.  I suspect he was...raped.”

 

The doctor nodded, going to his bag to take out what he needed.  Victor entered the space shyly with downcast eyes, the yukata hung from his narrowed shoulders.  The doctor looked up and offered a kind smile.  “I’m going to do an external exam, first.  I want to go over each of your injuries and determine what care is needed.”

 

He held Yuuri’s eyes as he removed the robe holding it in front of him.  It was the first time Yuuri would see him.  Yuuri carefully kept his expression neutral, fighting the nausea building in his stomach as he saw the abuse Chris had described as well as the horrors of what had been inflicted recently.  The physician assessed Victor’s form with a frown.  “I have a salve that will help the healing of these wounds and prevent infection,” he stated as he indicated the whip marks.  “For the bruises on your wrists and the swelling on that ankle, you need to let it  [ rest ](https://orthoinfo.aaos.org/en/diseases--conditions/muscle-contusion-bruise/) , ice on twenty minute intervals, compression, and elevation.  Now, let’s do the uncomfortable part.  I need to do an internal exam, Mr. Nikiforov,” the doctor stated.

 

Victor’s eyes widened as he grabbed hold of Yuuri’s hands.  “I’ve never had that done before.”

 

The doctor reached for the gel as he explained the procedure to Victor.  Flicking up at Yuuri, he added, “You might want to turn away for this.”

 

Victor leaned forward bracing himself against Yuuri closing his eyes shut during the internal exam.  The doctor was quick, doing no more than was necessary but ensuring he had a good idea as to the damage.  The doctor thinned his lips as he removed the gloves disposing them in the nearby garbage receptical.  “It could be worse.  No fissures.  There are some abrasions but you appear to not have tensed up.  I suggest you use an enima of the evening to reduce strain.  Do I need to explain that?”

 

Victor shook his head.  “I’m a gay man...I know how to clean myself out.”

 

“Good, then I shouldn’t have to explain this.”  He reached into his bag and pulled out a suppository.   “This also puts medicine where it’s needed.  I want you to clean yourself out in the evening and use this in the morning.”   Victor took the package and nodded with a frown.  “Now I do want some blood tests to check for STIs and HIV.”

 

Victor’s eyes went wide as saucers as he turned a panicked look to Yuuri.  “We...were in a relationship before.”

 

“There is no guarantee he was free of infection, even then,” the doctor stated evenly.  “Katsuki-san will bring you by my office tomorrow and we’ll draw the blood in office.  However, I want to give you the proper treatment.  When someone is raped, male or female, there are certain protocols to protect their health.”

 

Victor blinked rapidly nodding holding onto Yuuri’s forearms, his eyes unfocused.  “I was raped,” he whispered.

 

“Vitya, are you okay?” Yuuri asked, just before Victor’s legs buckled.  Yuuri caught the brunt of his weight and the doctor helped him guide the younger man to his bed.

 

Victor was soon wrapped in a blanket.  He then felt himself being laid on his side, the soft mattress underneath him, Yuuri’s hand a constant connection.  Victor could hear them.  Their voices seemed to come from a great distance.  The doctor talked about counseling and continued care.  They both remained close until Victor blinked out of it.  “Yuuriii,” he whimpered.

 

Strong arms wrapped around him.  “I’ve got you, Vitya...I’ve got you.”  Victor curled into Yuuri’s arms and held onto him.  The doctor watched on in concern.

 

* * *

  
  
  
  


Lilia and Yakov brought the small boy home from the hospital.  He was angry.  He had nightmares in the hospital and the doctors warned that this would probably continue until he had some mental health care.  It was more than the accident.  Yuri felt guilty that he was unable to help Victor.

 

Lilia and Yakov deliberated about who they could and could not tell but it seemed imperative that the boy knew, and soon.  Finding the little blonde curled up around Makkachin, Lilia dropped down behind him, her hand on the boy’s back.  Yakov knelt in front of him.

 

“You know that Victor’s boyfriend was not a good man.”

 

“Pfft, I told you that from the start!  I told you he was bad news!”  There was accusation in the boy’s voice but Yakov chose to let it slide.  Let the boy blame him.  It was better than blaming himself.

 

“Victor is much stronger than he gives himself credit for...he managed to escape Volkov.”

 

Yuri looked up, his eyes blinking in disbelief.  “You’re...just telling me this.”  Yakov pulled out the note from Victor and showed it to him.  The boy took it from his hand and studied it before looking up at Yakov.  “Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

 

“Because...no one can know.  We can’t risk this getting out.  Not yet.”

 

“Where is he?”

 

“Somewhere safe,” Lilia soothed.  “It is not necessary for you to know.”

 

The boy curled into Makkachin.  “I’ll help watch his dog for him.  Until he can come back for her.”

 

* * *

  
  


Yakov checked the house even though there were a number of servants and guards on ground.  He needed to keep his family safe even if he failed to keep Victor safe. As he was about to go to his wife’s side to sleep, a phone ringing cuts through the stillness of the night.  Yakov reached for his phone, he answered, “Allo…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! (I almost put 24 up by mistake! Oooops!)


	24. Alice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor is safe...how long until he feels safe...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for the edits, Magrathea and BluSkates!

* * *

 

 

[ Alice ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YI4m-l2yRZA)

 

Celestino Cialdini stared at his phone, recalling the day when he agreed to take on the young Katsuki as his student.  It began with wine and one of his oldest friends...a friend whom he always wished would be a little more.  Minako Okukawa.  Every bit as beautiful as the day he met her...and just as fiery.  She was untamable.  Their paths crossed so often it could almost seem it was by intent.  Then, over a glass of wine, he listened as she talked about her student.

 

“His family...they want to insulate him from the business.  You know what that’s like, Tino.”  She batted her grey eyes that sometimes sparked to blue and sometimes faded to silver depending on her mood...and the amount of alcohol she’d consumed.

 

“I know?” he asked questioningly then all of the implications caught up.  “Oh... _ that _ kind of business.  And he skates?”

 

“Well, he was the Junior World Champion last year,” she stated with a raised eyebrow.

 

For some reason, his mind was always catching up to him where Minako was concerned.  He was sharp on most days but he melted into her eyes and she never noticed.  “Mina...I can’t come to Japan,” he protested.

 

“Oh, I know!”  She readily agreed...too eagerly.  “He’ll come to you.  In America.  His mother and father would like to see him in college.”

 

“We have Wayne State University close to the rink,” Celestino considered thoughtfully.  “I’ve had a few skaters go through there...they seem quite willing to work with them.”

 

“Excellent!  I’ll bring him to see you.”

 

Within the month, Minako returned with a shy Japanese boy, her arm protectively wrapped around his shoulder.  He certainly didn’t seem like a crime lord *cough* business tycoon’s grandson.  He was quiet, introverted.  But on the ice...he was music.  Celestino watched him skate and couldn’t believe this boy fell into his hands.  Looking over at his friend, he asked, “Are you sure about this?”

 

“It’s...necessary...for him to train elsewhere.  He’s had a hard year.”

 

“Relationship woes?” the Italian coach asked.

 

“You...could say that.  The boy...the one Yuuri was dating...took some liberties with him.”

 

From that point, Celestino became very protective of the boy.  And the boy didn’t make it hard.  He skated and went to class.  He was reclusive to the point that when the Thai boy, Chulanont, fell into his lap, Celestino arranged for the two to room together.

 

And that’s when things started to change with Yuuri.  The Japanese boy started coming out of his shell.  Phichit was both a positive and negative influence on the older boy.  And somewhere along the way, Yuuri fell hard...for a boy across the ocean.  Celestino didn’t think much about it at first.  It was a crush.  They would both get busy and forget about one another.  That didn’t happen.  As the year progressed, Yuuri’s emotions roller-coastered...along with his anxiety.

 

Celestino watched Yuuri lose the boy, almost get him back, only for the boy to slip through his fingers into another’s arms.  And as heartbroken as Yuuri was, he knew that his student would have backed off if Victor was happy.  Yuuri was the embodiment of grace, in action and manner.  But the person who caught Victor was a monster.  And Yuuri felt himself powerless to intervene.

 

So now, the Italian coach found himself holding his phone making a difficult call.  Dialing Russia was never his favorite thing to do.  The two Olympic level coaches knew each other, interacted often, and while Celestino would be the first to admire the elder Russian’s skill and technique, he could never learn to love the personality.  Yakov could be very loud and forceful.  He had a temper.  But it was better than telling him in person.  Celestino was certain the old coach would deck him were he there in person for not coming forward sooner.

 

“Allo?” the Russian coach answered.  He sounded tired.

 

“Ciao ciao, Yakov!  I’m sorry it’s so late but I have information.”

 

“Is it about my Vitya?”  The old coach’s voice took on a peculiar tone.  “I know he’s with...your skater.”

 

_ Well, that made it a little easier _ .  “ _ My skater _ , as you put it, wanted you to know they made it safely out and he was seeing to the boy’s care.”  Celestino knew to mirror the vague information that Yakov eluded to... _ that man could be looking for him still. _

 

There was silence as the old coach processed that information.  “How bad is it?”

 

Celestino sighed.  “I don’t know the particulars.  But my skater is very protective of yours and he will take care of him.”

 

“Why the hell won’t anyone tell me anything about my boy?”  Celestino quickly moved the phone away from his face.   _ There’s that temper. _

 

The Italian coach released a slow breath.  “I think you know why.  The same reason my skater didn’t call you directly.  I understand, though, Yakov.  If our roles were reversed…”

 

“Our roles would never be reversed!”  He could hear the familiar groan of the wooden chair in Yakov’s office at home at the man collapsed into it.  His voice came back and it sounded almost broken.  “That boy!  He’s...my son.”

 

Celestino frowned.   _ That’s right _ .  Yakov was Victor’s guardian.  More than a coach, he became his parent when Victor’s mother passed away.  “My apologies, Yakov.  You are right.  I do care about my skater but I am not his parent.”

 

“If you hear anything…”

 

“I’ll make certain to call you.  If you need to get anything to...my skater...just let me know.”  Celestino disconnected the call.  _  Maybe not a parent...but a fond uncle.  Once a student is mine, they are always mine.  Besides, this is Mina’s family. _

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Yuuri stretched out, waking early.  Victor had been restless through the night.  Yuuri kept to his side waiting for Victor to come to him, but found himself reaching out and soothing the younger man in his sleep.  Just a touch to smooth his brow, to brush his hair from his face.  _  You normally pull your hair back in a braid before you sleep.  _  Yuuri frowned as he considered that thought.  _  I’ll have to watch and make sure you are taking care of yourself. _

 

Victor’s eyes fluttered open, disoriented at first but then smiling when he spied the brown eyes watching him.  “Yuuri…” he whispered, reaching out to slide his fingers through Yuuri’s hair.  “I’m safe,” he added almost as a self-assurance.

 

Yuuri nodded in agreement.  “I need to see my grandfather today.   Do you think you can stay with my family while I report to him?”

 

Victor considered those words before he asked, “Will Mari be here?”

 

Yuuri smiled.   _ Of course, Mari.   _ His sister tended to make everyone feel safe.  “Yes, she’ll be here.  I’ll also make sure Shinoba or Kimiko are nearby in case you want to go for a walk.”

 

“I-I don’t think I’m ready to go out yet.”

 

“That’s fine...for now.  I just don’t want you to  _ not  _ go out.  Maybe later, we can take a walk together.”  He waited for Victor to nod.  Pushing himself out of his bed, it was time to clear the water.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Yuuri walked into his grandfather’s home.  He was not scared of his grandfather, but he greatly respected the man...and his power.  He knew his grandfather conducted a lot of business through his cousins and uncles, but would occasionally handle things himself.  There were things he didn’t trust to others, things that required a delicate touch.

 

In this, Yuuri was much the same way.  He trusted his various friends to take care of some things, but there were others that he had to see to himself.  Victor was chief among those.  Even more so, now.   _ My instincts were screaming to come to St. Petersburg and take you away when you told me about the gifts.  I almost didn’t let you go at Worlds. _

 

He smiled at Ikumi, his grandfather’s latest conquest.  She was very traditional in her manners, something his grandfather required in his women.  If he was to guess her age, he’d put her in her forties, but she took good care of herself.  She guided him into the room where his grandfather was speaking with a couple of his men.  Upon Yuuri’s entrance, the old man dismissed them and motioned for his grandson to come to him.

 

He held Yuuri’s eyes thoughtfully.  “You asked for resources without explanation.  I’m assuming you are here now to explain.”

 

“Yes, Sofu.  I...had to get my Victor out of Russia.”  Yuuri frowned, studying the floor as he worked out his words.  His grandfather knew him and waited patiently for them to come.  Lifting his eyes, he continued.  “Volkov had taken him.  Victor managed to escape after...some torture...but he couldn’t stay.”

 

“You’ve bribed officials.  You took someone out of the country circumventing official channels.  You have crossed a number of lines you normally would stay clear of,” his grandfather pronounced.

 

“I know.  There’s...more.”

 

“Right now your hands are still relatively clean.  I worry that you will take drastic action towards this man.  I worry that the only way I’ll be able to protect you after that action is to pull you into the organization.  Your uncles have talked to me about this as well.  You’ve not gone unnoticed.”

 

“I...may have taken a drastic action that could end Mikhail Volkov’s life,” Yuuri murmured.

 

His grandfather’s face darkened into something that looked like sorrow, “If you’ve ordered a hit, I cannot protect you externally.  There is no way to keep you out.”

 

Yuuri’s eyes widened and the words fell out rapidly, “I didn’t...have to order a hit.  I just...possibly...motivated one.  It may have already occurred.”

 

The old man studied his grandson before he prodded, “What have you done?”

 

“It’s what I know, Sofu.  Mikhail Volkov was stealing from his own organization, his own family.  And he was hiding money in various accounts...one of those was Victor’s.  I’ve cleaned that up and erased any trail leading to it.  However, he’s been doing this for some time, before he met Victor.  I tracked down the connections, following the money as you suggested.  Then I wrapped it all up in a neat little package waiting until I knew what to do with it.

 

“Then...he took Victor.  That’s when I called on your resources so that I’d be ready to act.  I’m sorry...there was a lot of expense, Sofu.”  He sighed, his lips slightly downturned but his grandfather waved it off.  “When Victor called, I acted, flying to Russia, bringing him into my protection and, in essence, yours...then signalled for the information to be leaked.”

 

“That ensured your escape,” his grandfather concluded.  “Mikhail Volkov will be so busy avoiding his uncle that he won’t have time to do anything else...for now.  This man is clever enough to steal millions from those who would notice the loss of a dime, he will know that you did this.  If he survives, you’ve made a very dangerous enemy.”

 

“I know...but...when he took Victor, he made one as well,” Yuuri stated drawing up to his full height.

 

“And here I thought you had no taste for blood,” the old man huffed.

 

Yuuri laughed bitterly.  “Only when it comes to those I love.”

 

“You’d be very good in the organization,” the elder Katsuki observed.

 

Yuuri smirked.  “I know...but then I’d be tied down.”

 

“Your father would not approve,” Sofu pointed out.

 

Yuuri shrugged.  “His father likely didn’t approve of his choices.  Am I correct, Sofu?”

 

“We fought at first...he wanted to make his own way in the world.  Took over that old onsen from his wife’s grandparents.  But he seems happy enough for it.”

 

“Yes...he does.”  Yuuri smiled as the older man chuckled at the happiness of his son.

 

“And what will make you happy, Yuuri?”

 

The Japanese boy shrugged and dropped his chin.  Peeking out from under his lashes he said quietly, “I want to continue to help those who need my help...that just means I’ll sometimes have to do things that others are not allowed.  The law can be a bit constricting.”

 

“How is it that I have such a Robin Hood for a grandson?” the old man asked the heavens.  Focusing on the young man, he knew the boy’s heart.  “You have a strong sense of honor but you are right, sometimes the law ties hands and makes things fall short.  I’ll continue to help you.  And your Victor is now under my protection as well.  Bring him by to see me.  I want to meet the young man that managed to catch your wild heart.”

 

Yuuri smiled bashfully.  “Not so wild, Sofu...he’s...exceptional.”

  
  


* * *

  
  


Yakov sat across from his nephew for lunch.  “Our investigation created some disquiet in the Volkov organization.  They’re scrambling.  But there is something else going on as well.”

 

“What do you mean?” Yakov asked, his eyebrows raised.

 

“I know the boy must be safe,” Nikolai stated and smiled at his uncle’s grunt.  “You stopped calling and checking.  We’ll let that lie.  Him being considered missing allows my agents the latitude to do what is needed.  However, the Volkovs are combing through their organization and a few bodies have turned up.  Not Mikhail’s.  Not yet, anyway.”

 

“Not yet?”

 

“He appears to have gone underground.  We don’t know if he’s hiding from us, his family...or perhaps both.   Unofficially, is your boy safe?”

 

Yakov considered his words, wanting to share but knowing that the more information he gave his nephew the more culpable he made the younger man.  “He’s far away from here...unofficially.”

 

“Then we’ll keep pressure on Volkov.  Try to keep him there...as long as possible.”

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Victor watched out the window.  He could see the comings and goings of the customers that enjoyed the hot springs.  A knock on the door pulled him from his thoughts briefly and he went to the door.  Yuuri’s mama stood in the door with a tray and a sweet smile.

 

“You never came down and I thought you might be hungry,” she suggested warmly.

 

Victor blushed as he took the tray.  “I’m sorry.  I must have been lost in my thoughts.”

 

“I don’t mind...I just hope you know you are welcome downstairs.”

 

“I was...waiting for Yuuri,” he stated scrambling for an excuse.

 

“Yuuri’s with his grandfather...he might be a while.”  She stood to the side of the door, inviting the boy into the hallway.

 

Victor’s eyes darted down and he took a step back.  “I think...I’d rather wait...if that’s okay.”

 

She smiled warmly.  “Of course, Vicchan.  We just want you to feel welcome.”

 

“I do.  Thank you,” Victor responded tugging on his hair.

 

She smiled and left him with the tray.  Victor studied the contents.  Eggs, rice, fruit, and tea.  Looking around, he decided on the coffee table.  He didn’t eat it right away, though.  He picked at the contents and would return to the window.  Then he spotted Yuuri walking.   _ Why was he walking?   _ He greeted a couple of the customers as they were leaving before coming inside.  Victor returned to the sofa and frowned as he looked at the tray.  _  It’s not enough.  Yuuri won’t be happy.  _  Then he dropped his head.   _ It still feels like a lot. _

 

Yuuri’s footfalls brought his attention to the door and he watched for it to open.  He heard Mari’s voice from below call up to him and Yuuri’s response.  He didn’t understand the words.  Then Yuuri opened the door.  Victor knew a forced smile when he saw one.

 

“I hear you haven’t been downstairs,” he greeted as he dropped down next to him.  Yuuri’s eyes surveyed the damage to the tray...or lack thereof.  “Still no appetite?”

 

“I’m trying,” Victor lied.

 

“Why don’t you come downstairs?”

 

Victor studied his hands and then whispered, “People will see me.”

 

“This place...it’s not been a tourist draw for some time.  We’ll only be dealing with locals.  They protect their own...and you, by extension.”

 

“They don’t even know me,” Victor protested.  “I can’t even speak their language.”

 

“You will be surprised by how many can speak English.  It may be a small amount, but enough for you to get by, Victor.”  Yuuri held out his hand.  “Come downstairs with me.  Let my family get to know you.”  Victor accepted his hand hesitantly and Yuuri pulled him to his feet.  Letting go, Yuuri reached down to gather Victor’s tray.  “I’ll show you where to wash this,” he offered.  Victor snaked his arm into Yuuri’s elbow and followed him downstairs.

 

Hiroko cried out a warm greeting as he entered her kitchen.  “Vicchan!  You have decided to join us.”  Her eyes glossed over the tray before Yuuri showed him where to dump the contents then wash the dishes.  He glanced back at his mother who was giving Victor a knowing gaze.  “I’m glad you saved room because tonight I’m making katsudon, Yuuri’s favorite!”

 

* * *

  
  
  


Victor spent the afternoon following Yuuri and growing more accustomed to the activities within the onsen.  He folded laundry with Mari and Yuuri and helped Mari stock the shelves in the showers while Yuuri helped his father with a repair.  He learned how to bus tables in the restaurant and smiled through the broken English offered by some of the customers.  They were warm and inviting.  As the last customer left, Yuuri’s mother served katsudon to the family.  Victor’s eyes widened at the flavor, full and vibrant.  He still couldn’t eat much but he didn’t pick through it.  As he finished half his bowl, he dropped his eyes to his hands.  Nobody fussed about it, though, and for that he was grateful.

 

Yuuri led him upstairs and they took their showers, Yuuri providing him with a set of pajamas.  He didn’t have much in the way of clothes, however, and Victor frowned as he looked at what he had available.  Yuuri seemed to read him, however.  “I have some laundry to do.  Would you like to put yours in with them?”

 

Victor followed him down and Yuuri showed him how to use the machines.  “Perhaps tomorrow we can go find you a couple more changes of clothes.”

 

“Is it safe to go outside?”

 

Yuuri smiled warmly.  “It will be.  If it makes you feel better, I can ask Akio or Azumi to accompany us.”

 

They spent the rest of the evening in Yuuri’s room.  Yuuri worked on homework with his computer.  Victor tried to read but kept getting lost in his thoughts.  As night started to deepen, Yuuri closed his laptop and turned towards Victor.  “Would you like for me to braid your hair?”

 

Victor looked down at the loose ends of his hair.  It was looking ragged due to lack of care.  Victor washed it but he wasn’t used to Yuuri’s products.  “It’s got tangles.”

 

“I’ll be gentle.  Will you let me?”

 

Victor nodded hesitantly grabbing a brush and hair elastic from his duffle.  Settling on a stool between Yuuri’s legs, he felt the older man fingering through his hair.  He closed his eyes and focused on the care.   _ Masha never did this for me.  His care always demonstrated that He was in charge of me. _  Victor didn’t realize how long he’d been lost in his thoughts until he realized that Yuuri was humming.  “What is that  [ song ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRQxLcPrLes) ?”

 

Yuuri paused thinking.  “ _ Flowers Will Bloom _ .  It’s something my mother would sing to calm me.  I was really anxious at a child.  Later they found medications to help, but for a while, I had to learn ways to settle my nerves.”

 

“What did you do?”

 

“I skated if I could...or I danced.  Sometimes, I would just run.  Of course, that always put my sister on edge...because when my anxiety got the better of me and I panicked, she’d have to find me and pull me out of whatever hole I buried myself in.  She’s gotten me out of a broom closet at the school, from under the bleachers at the school gymnasium, the attic a number of times, and there is a place at the castle on the hill where I could wedge myself into.  That’s just a few.”  He laughed thinking of the litany of places the he would run to in times of stress.

 

“I...didn’t understand your panic until recently.  I just knew sadness.  And loneliness.  Not panic.  That’s what  _ He _ brought into my life.”  Victor pulled his knee up to his chest and hugged it close.

 

“I’m sorry you had to learn about panic that way.  I should have...told you.”

 

“What really happened that night, Yuuri?”

 

Yuuri sighed, his hands stilling on Victor’s hair.  “A while ago...while I was still in high school...I had a boyfriend.  It didn’t last long but because of that relationship, his parents kicked him out.  I talked my parents into letting him stay here until he graduated.  I thought...it was the right thing to do.

 

“Then one night I woke up and he was in my bed...kissing me.  I wish that had been all.  His hands were...all over me.  I had to push him off of me.  I told him that was not okay.  He shrugged and went back to his room.”

 

“So...when I was about to kiss you…”

 

“All of that came back to me.  It overwhelmed me, and I knew I was going into a panic attack.  I didn’t want to have that in public.  I...should have brought you with me.”

 

“I thought...you didn’t want to be with me.  That maybe...you saw me as too young.  I know...I can be childish.”

 

Yuuri shook his head, resting his cheek against the top of Victor’s head.  “Not childish...but you do have some childlike tendencies.  You are very intelligent, but I can tell you’ve been protected.”

 

“My mama always worried about me.  I wasn’t really out in public too much.  I grew up backstage and then Madame Lilia introduced me to Yakov.  I went to school, skated, and helped Mama.  I didn’t have many friends.  And...I was really shy.  It was easier to be in my own little world.  So I daydreamed...a lot.”

 

“You still daydream,” Yuuri offered softly.

 

Victor shrugged looking down towards the floor.  “Lately, they are more bad memories.  But...when I was there...with  _ Him _ ...it helped to escape in my daydreams, to disconnect from what was happening.  And sometimes...I still find myself disconnecting, Yuuri.  And...I don’t think that is good.”

 

Yuuri’s arms slid down Victor’s as he considered the younger man’s words.  “When I freaked out on you, I knew I needed help.  My friends encouraged me to get help as well.  I want you to do the same.”

 

“I don’t know where to go,” Victor said quietly.

 

“Maybe...you can start with the same place I went.  He’s specialized to work with sexual trauma patients.”  After a moment, Yuuri added in a quiet whisper, “It didn’t stop with just a kiss with Hikaru.”

 

Victor stilled and then turned to meet Yuuri’s eyes.  There was something protective in those blue eyes, giving the younger man steel as he rose up on his knees and pulled Yuuri to his chest, pressing kisses into the dark hair.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


A particular tone on Yuuri’s phone pulled him from his sleep.  Phichit was trying to reach him.  Slipping from the covers gently as not to rouse Victor, he grabbed his phone and laptop and moved to the other bedroom.  Opening his computer, he initiated the call pulling on his headset.  Soon, Phichit’s voice could be heard in his ear, his animated face across the screen.

 

“You never call me!” he complained with a pout.

 

Yuuri laughed softly.  “I’ve been a bit busy.  What do you know?”

 

“I’ve seen some interesting activity since you’ve been gone.  Mikhail’s accounts have been cracked open and someone has withdrawn large sums of money.  The question is...who?”

 

Yuuri frowned.  “It could be either one.  There was enough information in that packet that his family could have tracked it down and seized it.  But then again, if Mikhail is on the run, he may be liquidating.”

 

“Be careful.”

 

“We’ll be fine on the island.  It’s when we start traveling for competitions that we’ll have to guard up.”

 

“Is Victor going to compete?” Phichit sounded skeptical.

 

“We haven’t discussed it.  That seems so far away.  We are still dealing with his injuries.  And...I may have to force the issue with counseling.”

 

“What’s going on?”

 

“He keeps checking out on me.  I want to talk to Chris and Lawrie about it, but I’m worried he might be disassociating.”  Phichit rattled through the keyboard and looked to be reading.  Yuuri raised an eyebrow judgmentally.  “Did you just google that?”

 

“Well, it seemed rude to ask.”

 

Yuuri rolled his eyes, smiling at his friend.  “No, that’s okay.  I know I need help in this...and I can trust you to keep quiet about this.”

 

“Of course.  So Chris and Lawrie...you’ll have to catch them up.  They’ve been buzzing me since his disappearance and I’ve...been avoiding them.”

 

“Same,” Yuuri checked the time.  Sighing...he thinned his lips.  They wouldn’t even care if Yuuri woke them but Yuuri wasn’t ready to pull down the insulation he’d built around Victor even a little.  “Thanks for the heads up on the funds.”

 

“No problem.  Let me know when you’ve pulled Chris into the loop.  Later.”  Then Phichit was gone.

 

Yuuri stared a bit longer at the connection.  Pulling out his phone he hovered his finger of Chris’ contact before putting it away.  He crawled back into bed next to Victor and the younger man moved into his arms seeking his warmth.  Yuuri welcomed him, keeping his hands protective but non-intrusive.   _ I don’t always know the right thing when it comes to you. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back on a MWF posting schedule until I have another Lifeline going again.


	25. You’ll Be Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keep moving forward...Yuuri works to get Victor out of the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your support. I greatly appreciate it. And thank you, BluSkates and Magrathea for editing my work and making it better. Enjoy the read!

* * *

 

[ You’ll Be Okay ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCtIFQV5Cn8)

  
  


By the third day, Yuuri knew he would have to do something to get Victor out of the house.  The silver-haired man could leave the room, however he moved through the house looking for either Hiroko or Mari and then followed them.  The grounds around the house were still a mystery to him.  At the sound of his alarm, he rolled over to find Victor already up, wrapped in a yukata and reading a book.  “Good morning,” Yuuri greeted.  Pushing up out of the sheets, he let them pool around his knees.

 

Victor looked over and smiled.  A pervasive sadness settled behind the younger man’s eyes.  “Hi, Yuuri.  Do you have to go meet with your grandfather again?”

 

The Japanese man frowned.  “No, not today.   _ We  _ are going to run errands.”

 

The practiced smile cracked, slightly.  “We?”

 

“As in you and I.”  Yuuri restrained himself from wavering.  If Victor was going to grow stronger, he would need a firm shove towards recovery.

 

Victor looked towards the window and then shrunk, shaking his head.  “I-I can’t leave.  Someone will see me.  He’ll find me.”

 

Yuuri sighed, swinging his legs around and pushing off the bed so he could join him on the couch.  Crawling across the couch he drew up close.  “Vitya, this is the safest place in the world for you.  This town has so many men like Akio and Azumi that are trained to keep this family safe.  And you are my family, they see that.  The moment I went after you solidified that to them, and to me.  I need you to trust me when I say, you can leave this house.”

 

“Maybe tomorrow,” Victor hedged doubtful.

 

Yuuri shook his head.  He could hear Victor’s hopeful negotiation.   _ Tomorrow will turn into the next day, then next week… _  This was going to take a firm hand.  “No tomorrow.  Today.  I want you to shower.  Then we are going downstairs to eat breakfast together.”

 

“Maybe you can do those errands without me,” Victor suggested, his voice taking on an edge.

 

Yuuri thinned his lips.   _ Oh, he thinks he can be stubborn, does he? _  “Not even an option.  We have to get you cleared to skate.”  Victor, having none of the dangled carrot, huffed but put his book down and leaving Yuuri alone on the couch.   _ Did he just stomp off to the shower? _  Yuuri rolled his eyes.   _ Yep, you’re an adult. _

 

After breakfast, Victor followed Yuuri to the door and pulled his trainers on with ease but as he reached for the door, he froze.  Yuuri wasn’t heartless to the fear left by the trauma of the crash.  The Japanese man put a reassuring hand between his shoulder blades and slid it up to wrap over his shoulder next to his neck.  “I’m right there with you,” Yuuri encouraged.  Victor stared at his hand and Yuuri waited until Victor finally turned the knob and went outside.

 

“Are we walking?” Victor asked in a shaky voice, looking around the front of the yard.

 

Yuuri glanced his direction in surprise.  “No, I thought we’d take the SUV.  Mom wants me to pick up a few things while we are out, and Akio said he’d drive.”

 

Victor paled as he stood stock still.  “Grieg was driving that day,” he breathed.  “He’s a good driver.  But...he couldn’t stop it from happening.”  Yuuri wrapped an arm around Victor’s waist; he could see Akio waiting in the driver’s seat but he’ll just have to wait.  Yuuri watched as Victor fought terror and tears, reliving the jumbled memories of the crash.  Finally, Victor met his eyes.  “It’s just so much, and it hits all at once.  Then I’m okay for a while longer.”

 

“I know, Vitya.  Are you ready to move forward?”  Yuuri’s voice was coaxing, like handling a frightened child.   _ I should have made smaller steps earlier, but he needs to get out.   _ Finally, Victor nodded and took a step towards the SUV.  Yuuri knew this next stop was going to be hell.  He purposefully left off the location and only hinted at it.

 

Victor stared out the window as they traveled down the road.  He couldn’t read the words on the buildings, but he appreciated the color.  The town was quaint and inviting.  While he didn’t know much about Japan, he could tell that this region was old fashioned and traditional, less metropolitan.  That helped him breath a little easier.  Children were carefree and the adults seemed to not worry.  _  I was once like that.  _ _ Before...Masha.  _  Victor blinked as he thought further back.   _ No, more like before Mama passed away.  Ever since then, I have been waiting for things to go wrong.  I don’t want to live like this.  Where my only reprieve is in the pages of a book or a story I create on the ice. _

 

Victor started when they pulled to a stop before the building.  He didn’t know the letters but he recognized the red cross.   _ What did Yuuri say...about being cleared for skating? _  He turned to Yuuri with wide eyes.  “Why are we here?”

 

“The doctor told us you needed to get blood work.  So I thought we’d get that over with first.”  Yuuri tried to keep his tone light to make this feel like a normal check up.

 

Victor paled and began shaking his head.  “Nonononono...I’m not sick.”

 

Yuuri sighed.  He was afraid of this.  “And we don’t want you to become sick...later.  This is a...preventative,” Yuuri explained gently.

 

Victor’s voice became small as he drew his arms inward hugging his body.  “What if...they find something?  Then...you won’t want me anymore.”

 

Yuuri’s eyes widened in understanding.  He took the thin hands in his own.  Really, they were bigger than Yuuri’s but with the long, slender fingers, they looked narrow.  Holding those blue eyes swimming with unshed tears and fear, he said softly, “You being sick would not scare me away.  I want you to understand that first.  We would find the best course of action to combat it.  We would do what’s necessary to keep us both as healthy as possible.  But it won’t scare me away.”

 

Victor dropped his eyes but Yuuri could feel the tremble come through the hand hold.  Finally, Yuuri lifted his hand and carded into Victor’s hair, smoothing it back from Victor’s cheek.  The younger man looked up through his lashes.  Yuuri murmured softly, “I want to make sure you’re safe and healthy, should we decide to...become more.  And I want us to become more.  When you’re ready.  I’ll also have the tests done.  That way we can take care of each other.  Okay?”

 

Victor blinked in realization.  “I...oh, I don’t want you to become sick.  I...I will take the test.”  He followed Yuuri into the clinic holding his hand.  Inside, the lab tech took their blood thinking nothing more than these are two men trying to be safe before they became intimate with their partners.  It seemed much less invasive with that assumption.  The reason was there...but not in Victor’s face.

 

Back in the vehicle, Yuuri talked to Akio about their next stop then turned back to Victor with a smile.  “I know that was hard, but thank you.  Now for the reward.  We are going to find you some clothes.  We don’t have as many options here as in Fukuoka but I think you’d like to stay closer to town.  We should be able to find something.  And at least get you a few more changes of underwear.”  Victor snorted at the last remembering that he had been rinsing out one pair of underwear each evening and wearing the next since Yuuri brought him home.

 

“I-I can shop.”  Victor’s eyes sparkled in anticipation.

 

They arrived in the downtown district after a short drive.  Yuuri led Victor out the door and smiled as those long fingers laced into his own.  “So...you need everything,” Yuuri declared.  “Let’s work on the essentials first then build from there.”

 

“So basics with a few highlights,” Victor surmised.  “Well, I need some training clothes.  And of course, underwear,” he added with a crinkle of his eyes.  He followed Yuuri into a store that focused on sportswear.  A sales associate approached them, speaking with Yuuri in Japanese he helped Victor tell her what his sizes were.  She quickly consulted an app, checking his European sizes against Japanese, and soon had it figured out, relaying through Yuuri.  As they pulled items off the rack, Victor chose running pants he could tighten up with a chord.  Gray sweats, black wicking t-shirts.  A jacket to ward off the chill.  Victor found socks and black briefs he was happy with, and soon they were checking out.  Victor fussed for a moment about his credit card when Yuuri put a stilling hand on his.

 

“Let me get this.  No one is watching me.”  Yuuri hoped Victor would catch his meaning without becoming worried.  The younger man’s credit cards were undoubtedly being watched.

 

“Yuuri...you can’t just take care of me,” Victor protested.

 

Yuuri smiled warmly.  “I’d never presume as much.  Let me do this and you can pay me back later.”

 

Victor frowned as he figured up how expensive replacing a wardrobe could run.  Finally he sighed and agreed with a nod.  Yuuri handed over his card and chatted with the associate as she bagged up their purchases.  Walking out of the store, Victor began to feel as if he was moving forward.

 

They dropped off their bags at the SUV before walking over to the next stop.  “This place will have jeans and some casual shirts.”  They entered the shop and Victor smiled as he recognized some labels he wore as well as noting some interesting styles that he didn’t expect to find in a small town.  “Okay, so this place is actually a resale shop,” Yuuri explained.  “But you can find some nice things here.  Most of them are barely worn and I shop here often.”

 

Victor smiled at the needless apologetic tone Yuuri’s voice carried.   _ Interesting,  _ Victor thought.   _ Yuuri walks when possible, shops at resale shops...my mother would approve...and works alongside his family.  Yet, I know he has access to wealth.  I can respect a man who isn’t completely dependent on family money and isn’t obsessed with showing it off.  If he doesn’t have it, he’ll still do fine. _

 

Victor thumbed through several options.  Knowing it was resale was freeing.  Victor looked at the clothes with the more critical eye of a seamstress.  He knew what fabrics would mix and the faded sandwashed silks were intriguing.  He selected a few shirts that would work together.  Then he pulled some cotton blends.  The embroidery of one caught his eyes, delicate forming pineapples.  He could go big if needed, just not small.  He often bought larger clothing and sized it down.  Some would need to be taken in, but checking with Yuuri, he knew he found some good deals.  He added to that a couple pairs of skinny jeans and felt comfortable with his choices.  He noted a few items Yuuri picked up.  Then his eyebrow raised.  “You are  _ not  _ getting that tie,” he protested.

 

“It’s a good tie!” Yuuri argued holding up the sky blue monstrosity.

 

“It’s hideous!” Victor declared pulling it from his hand and tossing it into a discard basket.  Yuuri gaped with open eyed surprise at Victor’s response, but let go of his prize.  Checking out, he asked Victor if he needed anything else.  Victor frowned as he considered his gains.  “I think maybe just a belt.  Is there a leather shop nearby?”

 

“Yes.  We can get you fixed up.”  In the next shop, Victor picked up a basic black belt with a brushed nickel buckle and a new wallet to organize his identification and cards.  Yuuri had returned his passport miraculously with the appropriate stamps as if he’d gone through customs.  Victor didn’t ask.

 

* * *

  
  
  


On the trip back to the inn, Victor checked his phone and frowned, returning his gaze out the window watching for anyone that didn’t belong.  The headlines were still filtering words about the  _ little lost Russian Darling _ and speculation continued to develop about the fight that occurred at Worlds.  Did he run off with the Japanese Ace?  Did he disappear to have an illicit affair with his crazy ex?  The gossip was running rampant.  Victor didn’t like to be the subject of gossip.  He only liked to be in the headlines when it involved his skating.

 

They arrived home in time to help with the lunch rush.  Yuuri went to help his mother with the dishes while Victor bussed tables and talked back and forth with Toshiya.  After the dining room cleared, Toshiya waved for Victor to follow him.

 

“You have lost your peace, Vicchan,” he said with his smooth soft voice that reminded Victor of Yuuri when he was explaining something.  “This is where I find my peace.”  He led Victor through the garden and showed him how to handle the small clippers and how to prune the various plants.  The movements through the garden maintaining the plants required greater flexibility than Victor expected and he soon felt the burn in some neglected muscles.  When they moved to the kitchen garden, they filled a bamboo basket for Hiroko.  As Victor stood up and wiped his forehead, he realized the afternoon had passed and he hadn’t had time to stress over who was watching him.  In fact he hadn’t worried about a single headline, or word of gossip associated with him or Yuuri.  He smiled as he thought about how Toshiya guided him in his quiet way to a more relaxed state.  As they sat on a bench at the end of the trail overlooking a water feature, Victor studied the trickling water bubbling around the stones.

 

Toshiya watched him with quiet regard.  “My son...he has an anxious heart.  Sometimes he needs to slow down and focus on simpler things.”

 

“Maybe I need to as well,” Victor murmured.  “I keep going over my mistakes, repeating them in my head, feeling the blame of them when I get still, though.”

 

“Everyone has mistakes in their past.  Some are more visible.  Some mistakes lead us to where we belong, open our eyes to a previous blindness.  When my wife came to me, we were friends.  She had made mistakes.  Her family sent her away and she was without a place to go.  My family took her in because she was important to me.  I never regretted that decision.  I married her...the shame she carried with her...it took some time for her to let it go but I think Mari helped her find her smile again.”

 

“I don’t know where to find my smile,” Victor murmured.

 

The old man smiled softly, his eyes moving up to a second floor window.  “Do you not?”

 

Victor followed the elder man’s eyes and a smile slipped up on his lips.   _ Oh. _

 

* * *

  
  
  
  


Yuuri peered out his window into the garden below.  He could see Victor in the corner bench, now with a book in hand.  _  It’s good that he’s doing things on his own _ , he thought to himself.  Returning to his computer, he found himself startled by a skype call from Chris.   The call rang through and he could see the disappointment in his friend’s expression.

 

“I know you have him,”  Chris stated with a bored voice.  “I know this because if you didn’t, I would have heard from you every night.  So why the silent treatment?”

 

“Unintentional?” he offered as a weak apology.

 

Chris raised a disbelieving eyebrow.  “Try again, oh great Pan.”

 

Yuuri sighed in defeat.  “I’m a shitty friend.  I have been so focused on making sure he’s safe and getting him settled that I shut everyone else out.”

 

Chris sat back a little, understanding the implication of Yuuri’s words.  “So I’m not the only one on radio silence.”

 

“I’m on social media silence for sure.  I don’t want it to leak out where I’m at and Victor by extension.”

 

Chris nodded, understanding.  “We’ve been worried about him...and you.  So how can we help?”  Chris waved Lawrie over to sit next to him.  

 

The older man smiled tiredly into the monitor.  “Hi, Yuuri.  I told Chris you would contact us when ready.  But since we’re here, can we help?”

 

Yuuri frowned.  “Hold on.”  He got up and walked to the window to look outside before returning. Underneath he saw the silver head still bent into a book.  “Okay...so I finally got Victor to go outside but he keeps checking out on me.  Like he disappears into his head.  And it was hard to get him to go out.  I can understand the fear, but his desire to stay inside himself is worrying.”

 

“I had talked with him a little about that and to Lawrie,” Chris considered.  “He has a vivid imagination.  He’s a bit of a daydreamer and he’s likely developed it as a defense mechanism.”

 

Yuuri considered the words, but pushed.  “He seems...lost.”

 

“He’s likely trying to still find his place,” Chris pointed out.  “It might help to instill some routine and normalcy in his life.  Have you been skating?”

 

Yuuri shook his head slowly.  “No...not really.  We’ve been letting the swelling go down on a sprained ankle but it’s looking good now.”

 

“Get him back to the ice, Yuuri.  And don’t give him a choice in it,” Chris stated.

 

Lawrie cut in and asked, “Have you got him into counseling?”

 

“I mentioned it yesterday but he hasn’t agreed to it.”  Yuuri chewed his lip, as important as ice time was he knew Lawrie was right, counseling was paramount.

 

“It’s likely Victor will try and avoid it if he’s trying to deny that everything happened.  The abuse, thankfully, was short term.  You may have to just make the appointment for him.”  Lawrie’s voice had gone into a professional tone, but still had an air of concern.

 

“Lawrie...that man...he wrecked the car Victor rode in.  He...kidnapped him and tortured him.   H-he raped him.  How do I get through all of that?”

 

Lawrie thinned his lips, he saw the defeat edging into the man on the other end.  He picked up Chris’ hand and brought the fingers to his lips.  “The way you got through to my Chris.  You keep encouraging him to move forward.”


	26. You Are My Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor continues to work though his struggles with Yuuri by his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! And thank you, BluSkates and Magrathea, for editing this. I'm back on writing another GY chapter...but there will be a new Lifeline starting soon! It will be a weekly post until I get a backlog of chapters...but they may run longer (5k or so) in the beginning. I'm challenging myself to restrict it to 16 chapters (so, as someone put it, there will be 65 chapters, right? :D).

* * *

 

[ You are My Family ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrWBmcldozk)

 

Yuuri’s thoughts shifted towards consciousness slowly, the awareness of his surroundings floating into reality.  He felt calmer than normal when waking, his body was relaxed, not fighting its way awake, rather being gently coaxed to it.  Moving into it, he realized he was being held, his hair gently stroked.  The slow, soft movements were noninvasive, comforting.   _ Why am I being comforted?   _ His lashes fluttered open.  Victor was watching him with concern in the predawn light.  Yuuri blinked up in confusion.

 

“You were having a bad dream,” Victor explained softly.  And with those words, the vestigial memory of those dreams slammed into his thoughts.  Hands too large to avoid and strong to fight off moved around his body, which lay powerless to the shadowed figure dominating him.  His admission to Victor of what had happened in his own past, the acknowledgement of his own pain brought to light through this man’s suffering had triggered the nightmares, the feelings of helplessness, the memories of another taking advantage of his body without his permission all intermingling with horrific thoughts created by a brain that filled in the gaps about what happened to Victor based on the condition he witnessed.

 

“I’m sorry,” Yuuri whispered and started to pull away but Victor held fast to him and he felt the press of lips, the press of a cheek to the top of his head.

 

“You don’t have to apologize,” Victor murmured, then added in a smaller voice, “And I know that at least part of this has to do with me.”

 

_ Oh, God...did I say something?   _ The last thing he wanted was for Victor to feel guilty for how his mind processed all of this.  “Vitya…”

 

“Shhh, it’s okay.”  Victor shifted down, still holding him.  Yuuri found himself settling, resting his head on Victor’s chest and thinking how backwards this was.  He had hoped to be the support this man needed, the comfort to his pain but here they were, supporting each other.  Yuuri fetl himself drifting back to sleep, then realized that Victor hasn’t been having nightmares.   _ Not really.  He’s not dealing with this.  He’s denying it.   _ Then Yuuri’s thought paused before he added _ , Like I did for so long. _

 

* * *

  
  
  


Morning finally dawned and Yuuri shifted out of Victor’s arms, blue eyes fluttering open, a soft smile on those pink lips as his eyes watched Yuuri with a mix of concern and affection.  “Are you okay?”

 

Yuuri pulled up to capture Victor’s eyes, “Yeah...I...did I say anything?”

 

Victor shrugged.  “I think you were talking in Japanese.  Maybe a name?”

 

“Hikaru,” he muttered and then growled.

 

Victor’s eyes widened but he nodded.  “Is that...was that your old boyfriend?”

 

Yuuri calmed himself, not wanting to add to any distress Victor might be feeling.  “Yeah...I haven’t...some things just came back to my memory last night.  I must have been dwelling on them subconsciously when I went to sleep.”

 

“I’m sorry.  You seemed very upset.” Victor shifted uncomfortably in the bed, giving Yuuri more space.

 

“I didn’t deal with it for a long time.  I just tried to forget it.”

 

Victor’s expression became troubled as he dropped his eyes.  “If you forget it…”

 

Yuuri was quick to counter, “It doesn’t just go away, Vitya.  I wish it did.”  He put a finger on Victor’s cheek, begging those blue eyes to meet his.  “I wish...that I didn’t hurt you in December.  I wish...a lot of things.  But I want to help you.  I hope you know that.”

 

Victor nodded hugging Yuuri close, brushing another kiss into Yuuri’s hair before letting him go.  “I know.”

 

Yuuri raised an eyebrow and found a smile.  “Good.  Then let’s get dressed.  We are going to the rink.”

 

Victor’s mouth fell open.  “Can I skate?”

 

“I’ll take a look at your ankle.  It was a minor sprain so if not today, then soon.  You can still get oriented.”  Yuuri saw the childish sparkle in Victor’s eyes come to life.

 

Victor smiled as he hugged his knees to his chest.  “I miss the ice.”

 

“Me, too.”

 

* * *

  
  


They drove to the rink, Yuuri waited to assess Victor’s ankle there, where the younger man couldn’t back out.  “I have a key for now.  Yuuko and her husband, Takeshi, will be here later, and I’ll introduce you then.”  He led Victor inside and back to the locker rooms.  Victor already started relaxing, the ice had always been a safe place for him, and in the last few months the only place safe from Masha.  Changing into their workout clothes, Yuuri pulled Victor’s ankle up.  Victor relaxed to his touch.  He pushed against the bones of the ankle, gently at first, but firmer, noting Victor’s response.  Then he maneuvered the foot around and watched for any signs of pain in Victor’s expression.  “Push against my hand,” he directed as he held his hand flat to Victor’s foot.  With thinned lips, he pronounced, “Take it easy.  No jumps for a couple of days.  I’m going to tape it up just to be safe.”

 

“But I can skate!” Victor pressed, his eyes dancing and Yuuri was happy to see the younger man so vibrant.

 

“Yes.  We’ll warm up slow and take it easy.  I have been off for pretty much as long as you.  Later, I’ll show you the dance studio and other work out facilities I use when I’m in Hasetsu.”  He rolled the med tape over the ankle, then under the heel of the foot, then over the arch of the bone.

 

“Do you train here often?”  He flexed his ankle a few times, allowing the tape to adjust against the skin.  While the boots were stiff and clunky, most positions called for a pointed toe.

 

“Usually through the summer.  I tend to wait until the finish of the term to come home, however.”  Yuuri seated himself next to Victor and began pulling on his skates.

 

Victor chewed his lip.  “Did I mess up your schedule at school?”

 

Yuuri shook his head with a warm smile.  “No.  My coach went and talked to my professors, explaining that it was a family emergency.  We are finishing the courses across the distance.  My professors know I can work independently because of skating.”

 

Victor considered those words.  “I’m...your family.”  Yuuri had told him this the previous day but now the words settled in on him.  There was something so easy about the way Yuuri just accepted him, bringing him into his life.  He looked up with glittering eyes.  Then he was in Yuuri’s arms catching the older man off guard as that silver head snuggled into the crook of his neck.  They were seated straddle a bench and somehow, Victor managed to wrap arms and legs around Yuuri who laughed softly in response as he petted the younger man’s hair.

 

“I thought I told you that,” he teased softly, brushing a kiss onto Victor’s temple.

 

“I don’t think it sank in until just now,” the other one confessed.  He nuzzled into Yuuri’s neck.

 

“You understand how I feel about you...that I love you,” Yuuri murmured, the words sliding over Victor along with a gentle touch of Yuuri’s hand.

 

Victor nodded, still hiding.  “I don’t feel...worth your love.  I’m so messed up.”

 

“No, anata,” Yuuri whispered.  “You are not messed up.  It is an honor to get to love you.”

 

Victor kept his hold of Yuuri, not wanting to face the other man, “But...the things he did to me…”

 

“Do not make you messed up...just like the things Hikaru did to me don’t define who I am.”

 

Victor held onto Yuuri letting the words turn over in his head.  He couldn’t argue them because to argue one meant he would have to argue the other.  Finally, Victor conceded, “I’m not messed up.”

 

“I’m glad you agree,” Yuuri reinforced.  “Do you want to skate?”

 

Victor nodded still hanging onto Yuuri, needing the closeness.  Yuuri waited until Victor felt strong enough to pull away.  Sitting up straight, he leaned back and lifted his chin, his eyes glittering and a beautiful smile filling his features.  He reached down to the bench between them and scooted back, his fingers slipping into Yuuri’s.  “Let’s skate,” he murmured.

 

Within a quarter hour, they had their skates tied on and were on the ice.  Their initial movements were simple, circling the ice, fingers tangling together.  “So what do you have in mind for next season?”

 

Victor watched the patterns forming in the ice as he considered the question.  “I’m not sure.  I hope…”  He paused and looked at Yuuri from beneath his lashes with a smile.  “Hope.”

 

“That’s a good theme.  I want...us,” he murmured, turning around he captured both of Victor’s hands in his and skated backwards, pulling the younger man along with him.  “Love.”

  
  
  
  


As they left the ice, Yuuri introduced Victor to Takeshi and Yuuko.  “Takeshi’s family owns the rink and he runs it with his wife,” Yuuri explained.  “I’m surprised you were both able to get away,” he added talking to his friends.

 

“The girls are with my mother,” Yuuko explained.  Turning to Victor she smiled warmly.  “I’m glad you can join us.”

 

Takeshi grinned, holding out his hand.  “If you need a break from this stubborn ass, let us know.  We’ll take care of you.”

 

“Thank you,” Victor murmured shyly even as he drew close to Yuuri.

 

Yuuri then tangled his fingers into Victor’s, ignoring the exchange of glances between his friends.  He knew they didn’t expect this level of affection from their friend.  He inwardly groaned as he watched Yuuko bump Takeshi as he caught on to her hint.  “We’re going to have lunch, and then I’m going to show Victor where I dance and the gym that I use.”

 

* * *

  
  


They brought takeout up to the dance studio.  “The owner won’t mind?” Victor protested knowing Madame Lilia wouldn’t allow such liberties.

 

“Minako will be fine as long as she’s not running a class.  We’ll make sure to take out our trash.”  In the private studio, Yuuri looked around with satisfaction.   _ No Minako _ .  He wanted some time alone with Victor for the next move.  He laid out their meal on a table off to the side.  “I used to come here when everything was just too much and Minako and I would have lunch together while I worked through it.”

 

Victor looked around the room, airy and open with huge windows.  The floor was well sprung and he could see the care in the studio.  What would his life be like if his mother retired to teach ballet rather than disappearing backstage?  Would he be a dancer instead?

 

Yuuri saw the eyes darting around the room and recognized the glaze, a sign the younger man was beginning to fall into himself.  “I started out in dance,” Yuuri murmured, handing Victor the chopsticks and encouraging him to eat.  “I was shy but high strung.  Minako was my mother’s friend and suggested she put me in ballet.  My mother was hesitant, but she agreed to give it a try.  I...fell in love with dance.  I still try new styles but ballet...it has a special place in my heart.”

 

Victor finished his bite before he jumped into the conversation.  “I grew up backstage, watching ballerinas and danseurs preparing for their next show.  I learned with the other young dancers and I thought I’d end up on stage like my mother was once.  But then I found the ice.  The speed, the drama, the ability to compact an idea into four minutes and thirty seconds or less.  I needed that structure.  When Mama saw me switching interests, she introduced me to Yakov.”

 

“Minako took me to my first skating lesson.  She knew I’d be good in dance, but I liked to push myself.  I was independent and a self-starter.  I remember being shy with the other kids, but the instructor, Yuuko’s mother, was patient with me and drew me out.  It...came naturally to me.”

 

“I felt the same way.  It felt like I was born to be on the ice.”  Victor’s eyes were on the dance floor and he failed to notice that Yuuri was making sure he was eating enough.  Finally he set his container down and looked up to meet Yuuri’s eyes.  “Today...felt normal.  I haven’t felt that way since...before Masha.”

 

“I want you to have more of that,” Yuuri began.  “I told you that after my panic attack with the kiss I got help.  I want you to get help as well.  It will help...restore your normal.”

 

Victor frowned, and Yuuri was glad he waited until the younger man was finished eating.  “I know.  You’ve told me this.  Not yet,” Victor protested quietly but firmly.

 

“I’ve already made you an appointment,” Yuuri stated equally firmly and Victor’s eyes shot up to him.  Yuuri could see the angry fire in the depths...but behind that anger lay the real emotional barrier, the fear.

 

Victor’s body changed.  His hands dropped the chopsticks and flew about, animatedly defending his excuses.  “No...I can’t...you said they were in the city.  People will see me.  Masha will find me.”

 

Yuuri listened to all of his protests.  He expected them.  With a sigh he caught the hands that were expressing Victor’s ideas wildly in the air.  He brought them before them and held Victor’s eyes.  “I know you are scared.  That’s not going to go away unless we deal with this, and the longer we wait, the more entrenched that fear will be.  It could keep you from doing what you love.  I don’t want skating to be something you enjoy on the side.  I don’t want you to lose a part of yourself because you are afraid.  You...are brave and brilliant and beautiful.  You should never have to hide.”

 

Victor had steadied himself, his struggles slowly died as Yuuri spoke.  “What if he finds me?” Victor asked in a small voice.

 

Yuuri kept his voice steady as he dealt with Victor’s fears.  “We won’t go into Fukuoka alone.  We’ll take guards, but they’ll dress to blend in.  You and I will dress just like any celebrity trying to keep their identity under cover.  We’ll have hoodies and sunglasses.  You’re hair will be covered.  And you will be safe.  With me.”

 

Victor frowned but nodded, agreeing to do as Yuuri asked.  Yuuri then invited him to look over the facility then showed him the gym.  They worked out with weights, but Yuuri could tell Victor’s energy was depleting and the younger man’s body hadn’t been fed properly for a strenuous workout in some time..  He guided the younger man to the car and they head home.

 

Victor’s eyes slid over the passing landscape before pulling out his phone.  He had a few alerts, text messages from people that Victor was ignoring for the time being.  He accepted Georgi’s, though, and his eyes widened when he spotted the article that was forwarded to him.

 

**Police Continue to Search for Shipping Magnet’s Missing Nephew Mikhail Volkov**

 

Victor began combing the internet looking for further information.  He became absorbed in frantically search and reading.  His activity didn’t go unnoticed by Yuuri who pulled the car to the side of the road.  “What’s wrong?”

 

“Masha!  He’s missing!  What if he’s found me?  What if he’s here?”  Yuuri could hear the panic in the younger man’s voice.  

 

Yuuri sighed and reached for Victor’s phone who jerked it back to his body protectively.  “I’m not going to keep it but looking for information is only going to push your anxiety over the edge,” Yuuri explained gently.  Instead of trying to take the phone he put his hand out, hoping to appeal to Victor’s sense..  “Mine does the same thing and my coach will frequently lock me out of apps that will add to that anxiety.  My roommate would flat out hide my phone when things are going wrong.  I’m certain Yakov would do something very similar for you.  Let me have the phone and trust me.”

 

Victor hesitantly handed over the phone.  Yuuri passcoded into the device and activated an app.  He then handed it back to Victor.  “What did you do?” Victor asked with confusion.

 

“I locked you out of social networking and news sources.  I want you to remember, most of those are reporting on little to no information.  Most are just echoing what the others report, which is not information, just cycling.  And every guard that works for my grandfather knows what Mikhail looks like.  They are good and they have a lot of experience guarding their territory.  Trust them to do their job.”

 

“I trusted Grieg,” Victor protested.

 

“He was just one man.  I have dozens,” Yuuri countered.

 

“What if there is something important on the news?”  Yuuri could hear the thoughts, Victor hoped that keeping an eye on the news would give him a warning of Mikhail’s arrival when it would do no such thing.

 

“I have Phichit watching for important information.  And trust me, he’s looking at sites better than MSN.  He’s good.  Very good.  He’s the one that discovered someone was filtering money through your account.  He has sniffers out there looking for the important stuff.  He will tell us if we need to know something.”

 

Victor frowned as he stared at his phone.  “How long?”

 

“I’ll unlock it as soon as your anxiety calms.  Okay?”  He watched Victor’s expression of doubt.  “It’s not a punishment, Vitya...I hope you know that.”

 

Victor slowly nodded.  “I know.  It’s just...he would take my phone away in the evening.  To make sure I couldn’t call for help.”

 

“I will never do that.  You are not restricted from calls although I’d be cautious about it.”

 

Victor sighed curling up in his seat and staring out his window.  Yuuri watched his reflection in the glass and worried if he did the right thing.

 

* * *

  
  
  


Victor checked the window for the third time that evening.  Yuuri sent word to Akio to be more visible, hoping that this little assurance would help settle the younger man.  Yuuri needed to do something but didn’t know what.

 

**Yuuri/ How do you get me out of my head?**

 

**Phichit/ Well, hello, Yuuri.  It’s good to talk to you after all this time.**

 

**Yuuri/ I know.  I’m shit.  You have every right to be mad, and I encourage this.  But right now Victor is freaking out because his psychopath ex-boyfriend is missing.  How do I fix that?**

 

**Phichit/ I can’t blame him for freaking out.**

 

Yuuri frowned.  He couldn’t either.  His eyes rested on his boyfriend peering out another window and twisting the ends of his hair in his fingers.  “Vitya, what can I do?”

 

Victor turned his body, keeping a shoulder to the window to turn at a moment’s notice, but moved those blue eyes away from the window to rest on Yuuri.  “H-how do you do it?”

 

“Do what?”

 

The fingers dropped the silver hair and tapped against the glass of the window behind him.  “Protect me.  Keep me safe.  How do you make that happen?”

 

Yuuri frowned.  The rule was _ Don’t ask how.   _ But that wasn’t good enough.  Not anymore.  With a sigh, he reached for a second chair and brought it to his desk.  Patting the seat, he invited Victor to join him.  Victor needed assurance that Yuuri and Phichit knew what they were doing.

 

**Yuuri/ Skype coming through.  I have Victor.**

 

“I’m going to call Phichit.  You can ask anything.  We’ll answer what we can.  You have to understand...some of what we do is not...legal.”  He watched Victor process that information.  Once he received a nod, he hit the keys that would start the call.

 

“What the fuck, Yuuri!” Phichit greeted a bit annoyed.  He flashed a smile to Victor as an apology.

 

Yuuri just blinked at him then turned to Victor.  “You remember Phichit?”

 

Victor laughed.  “Of course I remember Phichit!  What’s showing tonight?”

 

“Oh...ummm...we could screen share.  I’m watching  _ The King and the Skater _ .”

 

“Again, Phichit?  What is that?  Like fifteen times this year?” Yuuri rolled his eyes but the banter was exactly what Victor needed.

 

“If he watched it fifteen times, could it really be that bad?” Victor asked innocently.

 

“Imagine  _ The King and I _ meets  _ Blades of Glory _ .  It is bad!”

 

Phichit shook his head vehemently.  “It’s the ultimate combination!  You’ve got to see it, Victor.  Did I steer you wrong with  _ Legally Blonde _ ?”

 

“Weeeeell,” Victor considered.

 

“Don’t cave, Victor.  Don’t you dare cave!” Yuuri begged.  And then he heard it.  Victor’s giggle.  He snuggled up to Yuuri’s side and winked at Phichit in the camera.  Phichit chortled.

 

“I think a movie with a questionable plot might be just what I need.”

 

Yuuri groaned.  “Fine!  Let me at least move us to the bed.”  Yuuri felt Victor pull away and watched him move towards the bed to wait for Yuuri.

 

“The bed, Yuuri?  Are you deflowering our innocent Russian Darling?” Phichit asked in a hushed voice, seeing Victor disappear from screen.

 

He glanced towards Victor and replied in an equally silenced, if something more startled tone.  “Not yet...not until he’s ready.”

 

“Good man,” Phichit responded.  Yuuri picked up the laptop and carried it to the bed where Victor had already settled in waiting.  _  At least it wasn’t the window. _  Phichit began introducing the film as Victor came back into screen leaning in comfortably to Yuuri’s shoulder.  “So...about  _ The King and the Skater _ .  This movie has developed a cult following…”

 

* * *

  
  
  


Less than two hours later, Yuuri looked down with a fond smile at the sleeping form curled up against his side.  The movie was over and Phichit was regarding the two of them.  Wordlessly, the Thai man then pulled on a headset and indicated that Yuuri do the same.  The Japanese man signalled for him to wait a moment before slipping out of Victor’s hold and settling the man into bed, pulling a blanket across his body.  He gathered the computer and headgear before slipping out of his room and into the next.  “What’s up?” he asked quietly.

 

Phichit knew this conversation was better left for after they had calmed Victor with a well timed distraction, “Well, Volkov is off the radar.  His fears may be well founded.”

 

“He had just found the headlines that told him that Mikhail was missing earlier today.  That’s what prompted my call.  But Sofu’s resources indicate there have been a number of floating corpses.  The ones identified come within from his organization.”

 

Phichit considered the information, but wasn’t easy to rest.  “That may be so.  But we can’t overlook the fact that large amounts of money have been withdrawn or transferred into more liquid resources.  If his family had disavowed him, they would have cleaned his account entirely and we would have at least seen a transfer.  Not large, incomplete chunks turn to cash and then disappear.”

 

Yuuri thought about what Phichit had said. Found at least some comfort in the fact that Volkov was on the run from his own, and hopefully still in Russia.  “I’m sure we’re not the only one watching those resources.”

 

“Harder to follow cash,” Phichit pointed out.

 

Yuuri nodded with a sigh.  “Agreed.  I’m taking him to Fukuoka to see a counselor.  I didn’t really give him a choice, but now with Volkov in the wind...”  Yuuri played with the tie to his hoodie distractedly as the words settled onto Phichit.  The Thai man remained silent for a moment.

 

“It’s important he get help.  Yuuri, he looks more than tired, he looks like he’s so tightly wound that one snap and he’ll unravel. While we both know that’s coming, I know you’d rather have him already comfortable with a therapist before it happens.”  He then changed his tone to a more positive note and mischievous thought sparkled in his eyes, “I’ve seen nothing to indicate Volkov’s in Japan.  However, we could throw a false trail.”

 

Yuuri raised an eyebrow, “What do you have in mind?”

 

“I’ll strip the time stamps on some photos I haven’t previously posted and show you in Detroit.”  Yuuri could see Phichit opening documents on his end, already beginning his plan.

 

“I don’t want to lead him to you and you get hurt.”  Yuuri appealed, but knew that it was too late.  An off-and-running Phichit was an unstoppable Phichit.

 

Phichit took a drink from his water bottle and winked.  “I’ve been underestimated before.”

 

“Laying out a lacrosse player that gets too fresh is a little different,” Yuuri pointed out.

 

Phichit merely shrugged, “I’ll let Ciao Ciao know.  He’s already upped security at the rink.  I’m sure he’ll provide an escort.”

 

_ Ciao Ciao would be a few steps ahead after last week.  But even Lilia’s people, who’ve dealt with this family for a decade now, couldn’t see this monster; how could Ciao Ciao?   _ “I don’t like this,” Yuuri pointed out.

 

“There is no perfect solution to this but the fact is, he’s going to be looking for you, not me.  In fact, he might not even think of me.  Every indication on this guy shows his laser focus on Victor, you are only a target because of that.  This will throw him off and if I catch a glimpse of him, then we’ll at least know he’s alive.”

 

Yuuri agreed begrudgingly.  “Fine.  But don’t take any unnecessary chances.”

 

“The same to you, my friend,” Phichit returned.  They terminated the connection.

 

Back in his room, he settled the laptop on his desk before returning to Victor’s sleeping form.  The long limbs wrapped around him in his sleep, restless words murmuring his name.  Yuuri carded his fingers into the younger man’s hair and brushed his lips in his hairline.  _  I’m worried, too, Vitya.  I just can’t let you know. _


	27. Only Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We finally get him into some counseling...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to both BluSkates and Magrathea for the edits!

* * *

 

[ Only Hope ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=He3qmXo0oww)

 

Yuuri woke up to a chill and then realized he was alone in bed.  Shifting upright, his eyes rested on Victor staring out the window.  He silently cursed himself for hoping a movie with Phichit would calm the younger man for at least a little while.  It was the dead of night but he still could feel Victor’s fear from across the room.  He watched as the little hands tapped silently against the glass in the moonlight.  Slipping from the sheets, he stepped behind the younger man, putting a hand on his shoulder and waiting to see Victor’s reaction.  When the silvery hand reached up for him, Yuuri slid his arms around the slender waist.  “He won’t get this close even if he’s out there.”

 

“How do you know?” Victor asked in a whisper.

 

Yuuri squeezed Victor in his embrace brushing a kiss just behind his ear.  “Because I know where the guards are all stationed.  I don’t necessarily  _ work  _ for my grandfather but I helped him redesign the security on this island, specifically this town, which is a safe haven for him and his men when needed.  I know where each guard is stationed, their strengths and weaknesses, what they carry with them for protection and their role within my grandfather’s organization.  It’s all in an algorithm that optimizes their skills.   _ Sofu _ ...Grandfather...he wanted to make sure those who weren’t in business with him were kept safe from his activities.”

 

“Is it...like Mikhail?  Like the Bratva?”

 

Yuuri considered the question before answering.  “The Yakuza and the Bravta are very different.  It’s not like what people think.  My grandfather doesn’t deal in drugs or human trafficking or anything like that.  But he does know how to get certain items past the ports that others cannot.  However, there is a certain...honor...in what he does.  For the most part, the business is just that, and legitimate.  My grandfather is a financial mogul, he works in loans, real estate, and shipping.  He also runs the ports in Fukuoka.  So...not exactly.  But...he can close Japan off to certain people such as the Volkov syndicate and its members.  He has enough pull in other places around the world, alliances that appreciate what Grandfather can get to them, that he can influence their port closures.  It wouldn’t necessarily shut Volkov down.  It just limits some of the places where they ship...should he decide to push it.  And all of this means that Mikhail has very limited ways to get into Japan, it won’t be easy for him, and we would probably learn about it before he got anywhere near this village.”

 

“And...what do you do?”  Victor caught Yuuri’s eyes in the reflection of the glass.  Yuuri was so different from Masha it was hard to accept that they were very similar, well connected men with high ranking family in organized crime.

 

Yuuri closed his eyes as he considered his answer.  He did promise to answer.  “I...am what my friends call a Robin Hood hacker.  I can get in and out of computer systems without anybody knowing.  I get into digital information hubs and I try to...redirect...what I can to help.  Mainly it’s financial, and I don’t “rob from the rich’, although it’s tempting.  I just look out for anything that might be going on without someone knowing about it.  I have a strong enough business background because of my grandfather that I know what to look for in the financial districts.”

 

Victor turned himself in Yuuri’s arms, facing him, “Is that how you cleaned up my accounts?”

 

“I knew we had some damning evidence against Mikhail.  I just didn’t want you to go down with him.”  He brushed a strand of hair off Victor’s face, “The government would have arrested you both and it would have been months in prison before they even began to sort it out.  I wasn’t willing to risk that…you.  I hadn’t decided where to submit the information at the time.”

 

Victor’s eyes had gone wide with this information, “What...did you do with it?”

 

Yuuri frowned.  He wasn’t used to being open but he trusted Victor.  “I...sent it to the Volkov family.  From what Phichit is learning over chatter he’s picking up, there is every indication that they are cleaning house.”

 

Victor leveled a gaze at him as he considered Yuuri’s words.  “So you burned him within the organization.  Is there anything to lead them back to you...or me?”

 

Yuuri was quick to settle that worry, “No.  There is no electronic signature on the work.  Just an information packet dropped off where they could access it; we even faked the upload from the Netherlands.  And frankly, an organization like his won’t really care.  They want to catch the thief, they don’t care about an outside rat.  Even if he’s alive, he’s going to be kept busy hiding from his own family.”

 

Victor sighed, his expression troubled, his eyes darting around as he analyzed the various outcomes.  “If he figures out who has done this, he’ll stop at nothing to get revenge.”

 

“He won’t figure it out.”  Yuuri soothed, “and he’s too busy trying to survive this.”

 

“Who else knows...besides me?”

 

“Phichit...because we worked together on this.  Grandfather.  Yakov knows some, I suspect he was onto Mikhail before we were.”  He watched Victor’s eyes widen at that admission.  “Otherwise, everyone just knows I was getting you out of the hands of an abuser.”

 

“Yakov...knows.  Of course Yakov knows.”  Victor turned back to the window tapping the glass thoughtfully with one finger.  “How are you going to keep me safe when we go to Fukuoka?”

 

“Phichit is laying a false trail that is going to indicate I’m in Detroit.”  Yuuri watched the little face scrunch in black mirror of the window.

 

“Won’t that put him in danger?”

 

Yuuri sighed.  “Honestly, I’m not crazy about that plan either. That was my first worry.  I would rather...I don’t know...send his eyes anywhere but Detroit.  But Detroit is the only place that makes sense.  The rink has added security and Ciao Ciao himself will make sure Phichit gets back to the dorms.  He’s not there much longer anyway.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“He’ll be going home for the summer.  He travels with one of the assistants back home each summer for three months.  Family obligations.  And at home, in Thailand, he’ll be well protected.”  At Victor’s confused stare, Yuuri added, “His family are high up in government, and Mikhail would stick out in Thailand.  Just like here.”

 

Victor frowned as he considered Yuuri’s words.  “And tomorrow...or I guess later today?  Do you really think hoodies and sunglasses will keep us hidden?”

 

Yuuri grinned.  “Just putting on my glasses will often keep me from being recognized.  I didn’t think Clark Kent had a good cover until I realized that it really does lend a layer of protection.  You will take a little more work, but most of the tourists are white, so you won’t stand out as much as you think.”

 

“I suppose.  But I’m going to be on pins and needles until we are back home.”  Yuuri thrilled at the use of the term home, but kept himself together.  Victor turned back to the glass with one last sigh.  “I do need help, though.  This unsettling anxiousness all over me...I don’t like it.  I can’t sleep or relax.  I’m scared unless I am with you, or Mari… or you mum.  And...I keep looking over my shoulder.”

 

“And out the window…” Yuuri observed.

 

Victor frowned and pulled away from the window settling into the older man’s arms.  “I woke up and all I could think about was all of the  _ what ifs _ ...I really do have an overactive imagination.  It used to be my refuge...and now it’s a place that pulls all of my fears to the surface.”

 

“Hashimoto is good.  And he’s very discrete.  It’s hard for me to be comfortable with people, but I felt very at ease with him from the beginning.”

 

Victor nodded, resting his forehead against Yuuri’s.  “I won’t feel totally at ease until I believe He’s gone.  But...I do want help.”

 

“Come back to bed with me, Vitya,” Yuuri murmured as he tipped up his chin to brush a kiss over Victor’s lips.  Victor returned the kiss and nodded following Yuuri’s lead back under the sheets.  As Victor settled into Yuuri’s embrace, he turned to grab a few more quick kisses before tucking himself under Yuuri’s chin.

 

* * *

  
  
  


Victor braided his hair with care, making sure he had no strays and using hairspray to keep it in place.  He then pulled the hoodie over his t-shirt.  The jeans were nondescript and his trainers still worn.   _ I really should replace these _ , he thought while he re-tied the laces.  Glancing over, he spotted Yuuri, his hair on the messy side, a different pair of glasses in place.  The blue had become signature for him and were featured in several ads all over the four islands.  These red frames changed the quality of the brown in Yuuri’s eyes and even his skin tone.  Victor took the mascara Yuuri handed over to him and darkened his lashes.  For his eyebrows, they found a light taupe in Yuuko’s makeup kit.  Victor marveled at the wave Yuuri, using only a little contouring shadow, changed the dimensions of his face, widening the narrow nose, sinking the almond eyes, and flattening his jawline.  Finally satisfied, they grabbed their backpacks and waved goodbye to Yuuko at the rink.

 

As they stood on the platform waiting for the train, Victor looked around and spotted a couple of familiar faces wearing casual clothes waiting with them.  Another stood in business attire.  He didn’t know how many of these men were theirs, but Victor forced himself to stay calm.  The train pulled to a stop and they waited while passengers disembarked before they climbed on board.  Yuuri led him to the middle of the car.  Victor took the window seat and Yuuri sat next to him.  In his peripheral vision, Victor could see the men scattering about the train.

 

At their stop, Yuuri led Victor off the train.  They adopted the appearance of friends hanging out rather than a couple to draw less attention.  Victor found it hard not to grab hold of Yuuri’s hand, however, he knew the logic of the disguise. It had become his habit but also his comfort.

 

The building that housed Hashimoto’s office was several stories high, but Hashimoto was only on the second floor, in a corner office.  As they entered into the sanctuary of the reception area, Yuuri took Victor’s hand once again and felt the familiar squeeze as the younger man was comforted by the contact.  They walked forward to tell the receptionist their names.  They didn’t have long to wait before Yuuri was leading him into the next room and introducing him to Hashimoto.

 

“Is this going to be a couples’ counseling?” Hashimoto asked looking from one to the other.

 

Yuuri shook his head.  “Maybe later...for now, I just want to put Victor at ease before I leave him in your hands.”

 

The older man smiled at Yuuri and extended a hand to Victor, greeting the Russian in a manner familiar to him.  “Victor, I am Hashimoto.  I studied for some time in the states, so my English is good.  I hope you feel at ease and that we can meet your needs.”

 

“I-I’m Russian but I am comfortable in English,” Victor murmured shyly, his eyes casting downwards.

 

Hashimoto led Victor to a seating area, and Yuuri sat with him at first.  “Let’s get some background,” the psychiatrist begins.  “Tell me what brings you here.”

 

“I-I had a boyfriend that...was controlling.  H-he would take over different parts of my life and I had to fit within his schedule and expectations.  He was scary and I didn’t think I could break free of him.  H-he...would make me do things I didn’t want.”  He glanced furtively from beneath his lashes towards Yuuri.  “I never wanted...to have sex with him.”

 

“When you say you didn’t want to have sex with him, are you saying he coerced you into sex or forced you?” Hashimoto inquired, keeping his voice clinical to help the young man stay calm.

 

Victor squirmed a little before answering in a small voice.  “Maybe both…”

 

Hashimoto noticed the way Victor’s eyes would flick to Yuuri before answering or offering information.  “I see.  Do you think you can talk about these things without your friend?” Hashimoto inquired.

 

Victor looked from Yuuri to Hashimoto then slowly nodded.  Yuuri gave his hand a squeeze before quietly slipping out of the space.  Victor then focused on the therapist.  “Do I just...talk?”

 

“I’m trying to get an idea of your history in order to know the best approach in your therapy.  This is a safe place, and anything you say is confidential.”

 

“Completely?  Some of the things done to me were...illegal.”  Victor tested the waters.

 

“I know...I deal with that a lot.  I can’t be compelled in a court of law to speak unless there is a clear and present danger.  You have confidentiality here.”

 

Victor sighed as his eyes flicked towards the door.  “I guess...if Yuuri talks with you, I can.  My...ex...he was a very bad man.  I didn’t think so at first.  I just thought he was saving me.”

 

“How do you mean?”

 

“There was a mugger that pushed me down and was trying to take my bag.  He intervened.  It was perfect timing. I mean, I had never had trouble before, then this man knocks me down and then there’s Mikhail pushing that guy off and helping me up.  It was like something out of the book I was reading at the time.”

 

Hashimoto narrowed his eyes, “Perfect timing is the result of effort.  Could that have been planned?”

 

Victor frowned and slowly nodded.  “Knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t be surprised if he had stalked me before.  But back then...I just thought he was a knight in shining armor.  I was hurt because I misunderstood something that took place between Yuuri and me...and I thought he didn’t see me as an adult.  So...I think I ignored warning signs…”  Victor trailed off and looked up at him.  “It’s like Mikhail knew.  He would push the right buttons to make my stubborness override my instincts.”

 

“Like he was playing you,” Hashimoto suggested.

 

“Exactly…”  Victor reached down and pulled his knees up to his chest shifting his body into a more relaxed state.  He then began to completely open up to Hashimoto.  “He would do things when he didn’t like something.  Like he was correcting my behavior.  They started as little thing and then I just knew what each tap or tug meant.”

 

“So he was training you...or as we say, grooming you,” Hashimoto confirmed.

 

“Grooming me?”

 

“Some abusers will adjust behaviors of their victims to meet their expectations for the relationship.  There are those who are blatant about it, but the more dangerous ones are subtle and use small cues to communicate displeasure.”

 

Victor’s eyes went wide with understanding, his memory pulled up dozens of little examples from the past few months.  “Exactly.  It’s like it all snuck up on me.  Then we were leaving a club one night.  I was a bit tipsy, but I know I told him I wanted to go home.  We ended up in his apartment and I was confused and wanted to go home, I told him, I know I said it.  I remember...panicking.  I couldn’t figure out what to do.  Then he gave me something to drink.  And the world...just seemed to move slowly.  I couldn’t seem to respond to it, like I couldn’t make my body move”  Victor studied the carpet for a moment, tightening his arms around his knees.  “That was the first time I ever had sex...and I didn’t want it to be.  I had thought about before, and I wanted something...different from what I got.  There was nothing in that I wanted.  But...I couldn’t get away.  I didn’t know what to do.”

 

“Could he have drugged you?”  Hashimoto prompted, both knowing the answer but Victor needed to say it out loud.

 

Victor looked up with teary eyes and nodded.  “I didn’t stand a chance, did I?”

 

“It sounds like you were targeted and that he chose to turn you into his own fantasy.”

 

Victor sniffled a little, shrugging but accepting what he heard, “It got worse after that.  He expected me to be ready at six when he’d pick me up.  There was no more time with my friends.  I skated, went home to see to my dog, was picked up at six...and he’d take my phone a lot of times.”

 

Hashimoto grimaced at the familiar routine, “Isolation is a strategy they use to keep you in their power.”

 

“I was scared of him already...I found out he was related to the head of Bratva.  And one day he drove me down to the docks and I saw where he worked.  I was very afraid to be there, but I was even more afraid that he would leave me.  I stayed glued to his side the entire time.  I knew he worked with them at that point.  I didn’t know how I was going to get away, if it was even possible.  But Yuuri told me to trust him.”

 

“Yuuri has his own resources,” Hashimoto stated quietly.

 

Victor nodded leaning his cheek against his knees.  “I did finally get away.  My coach intervened.  Except...he was still trying to get me.  He had sent me gifts, inappropriate stuff.  I should have seen that as a sign.  Right before I came here...he succeeded.  He ran the car I was in off the road.  The driver died.  He died because of me.  And little Yuri was hurt.  He’s only twelve.  All because of me.  I didn’t want anyone to get hurt because of me.”

 

The therapist could see him devolving into hysteria.  He picked up a cup and placed it in his hand.  “Have a sip of coffee.”

 

The words startled Victor and he blinked as he stared at the cup before lifting it to his lips.  He was then able to continue.  “He took me from the car.  I think I was unconscious because I don’t remember any of it.  My head...it hurt.  I think I hit it or something.  I woke up tied to something like a hospital bed.”

 

Victor stopped and took a deep breath.  Looking up he held Hashimoto’s eyes.  “He raped me.  He hung me from my arms in that room and he beat and raped me.  What kind of monster would do this?  How am I not supposed to be afraid?”

 

“But you got away,” Hashimoto pointed out gently easing him past the terror.

 

“Yes...it was weird.  I got myself free of the restraints, but I was stuck in the building.  There was this rabbit and it showed me how to escape.  And then I was someplace familiar and I...called Yuuri.”

 

Hashimoto studied the man before him before asking, “How long have you been in that nightmare?”

 

“Around four months.”  Victor studied his hands.  “I’m so afraid it’s not over.  That this is the calm in the middle of the storm.”

 

“We are going to address those fears, Victor.  And all of the things that happened to you.  There is no way you didn’t come through this without developing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  Your mind would have reacted in self preservation.”

 

“When I first arrived here I couldn’t leave the room.  Yuuri made me get out of the house, go into town, and now into this city.  I’m still afraid, though.  I stare out the upstairs window waiting for Him.”

 

“We call that hypervigilance.  It’s a common response to trauma.”

 

“I used to retreat into my daydreams because it was safe.  I’d do that when...he was doing things to me.  But now I just have bad memories.  My mind goes to everything that could go wrong and I can’t stop it.”

 

“You’ve likely developed some anxiety with this event.  But with therapy, we can move past this.  Do you want to move forward?”

 

Victor nodded.  Setting the now empty mug down, he listened as the therapist explained to him the protocols he would go through to help him work through his therapy.  “Now, I want to see you three days a week.  But I also want you to call if you’ve had any negative experiences that we need to work through.”

 

“I have training,” Victor protested.

 

“Which I’m sure can be worked around your therapy,” Hashimoto stated firmly.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


“I don’t think it helped,” Victor muttered in Yuuri’s upstairs room.

 

Yuuri turned in surprise.  “Why do you say that?”

 

“I’m still scared.”  His eyes locked on the window and the scene outside.

 

“Oh, Vitya...it’s not an instant cure.  It takes time.  This first appointment was to see if you could relax with him, trust him.  If you can’t trust him, then he can’t move forward.”

 

Victor considered his words and sighed.  “I guess he did get me to talk.  It was like...once I got started, I couldn’t stop.”

 

“You needed to let it out.  That’s good.  It took me longer to fully open up.  I had buried a lot of what had happened.”  He watched the silver head turn back to the window and hoped he wouldn’t have to struggle to keep the younger man in therapy.

 

* * *

  
  


**Georgi/ How’s Victor doing?**

 

**Yuuri/ It’s a slow recovery.**

 

“Who’s that?” Victor asked indicating the phone.

 

“Georgi.  He’s wanting to know how you’re doing.”

 

Victor’s eyes lit up and words spilled out in rapid succession.  “Ask him about Yakov.  And Lilia.  And Yuri.”  He stopped as Yuuri handed over his phone.  “Or I guess I can?” he squeaked.

 

“Please do...you need that connection,” Yuuri invited.

 

**Yuuri/ This is Victor.  Yuuri is taking care of me.  How is everybody?**

 

**Georgi/ Yakov is normal, but I can tell he’s worried about you.  Yuri is watching Makkachin and has taken it as a personal mission.  Mila has been more reserved.  I think she’s learned that people aren’t always what they seem.  Katya and Pyotr are always asking about you.  To Yakov.  No one other than Yakov knows that I know anything.  Ivan and Dmitry have been watching the news with hopes that something dreadful has happened to MV.**

 

**Yuuri/ I’m not allowed on the news.  It makes me too anxious.  Yuuri’s locked it out of my phone.**

 

**Yuuri/ Tell Yakov I’m okay, please.  I don’t want him to worry.**

 

**Georgi/ I’ll tell him.  No guarantees on the worry.**

 

Victor handed back the phone and crawled into bed, curling into a ball.  Yuuri watched him with concern, but left him alone to process his emotions.  He stayed near, working on schoolwork and glancing towards Victor every so often.

 

Victor’s mood didn’t lift as they went downstairs to help with the dinner rush.  He pasted on a cheerful smile that might fool the customers, but Yuuri knew the droop in those shoulders, and the spacy look in those eyes.  He could feel Victor retreating.

 

When the family sat down to eat, Victor moved his food around but barely ate anything.  Yuuri exchanged a concerned glance with his mother.

 

* * *

  
  
  


He waited until after their showers to talk to Victor.  The younger man was snuggled up in long sleeves and curling up under an extra blanket.  As Yuuri joined him, Victor scooted next to him seeking warmth, Yuuri’s arm settling around him with familiar ease.

 

“Vitya, I need to talk to you about your caloric intake.”  He felt Victor stiffen in his arms but Yuuri continued, rubbing circles into Victor’s hip with his fingers as he spoke.  “I know you lose your appetite when you’re upset.  But I can’t conscientiously let you train if you're not maintaining at least minimum calories and working towards your goal weight, it’s too dangerous.”

 

Victor dropped his head in defeat and studied his hands in front of him.  “It’s more...than being upset.  More than stress, Yuuri.  Masha...he...restricted what I ate.  He controlled so much of my food.  I wasn’t allowed to eat what I knew I needed to eat.  He had ridiculous meal plans set up, and I had to follow them perfectly or the punishments were horrible.  And now...it’s hard to eat very much, I’m scared of what will happen.  Sometimes I don’t even feel hungry.  Most of the time, it just feels like too much.  I see a plate full of food and I feel overwhelmed and I want to quit before I even start.”

 

Yuuri considered the younger man’s words.  “I hope you don’t get upset with me, but I talked about your eating habits with Mom.  We both agree that you need to eat more, but if it’s a matter of quantity...perhaps we can do six small meals.”

 

Victor looked up with wide eyes.  “It sounds like a lot.”

 

“We can ease your way into the appropriate amounts slowly.  I’ll increase the calories and make sure you have nutrient rich food along the way.  But Mom is going to pack your meals for the day.  She has a four tiered bento perfect for it.  And you need to eat breakfast and dinner with me.”

 

Victor raised an eyebrow to the older man, “Are you...going to eat six meals?”

 

“Mine will be distributed a little differently, but yes.  And we’ll set alarms to remind you and me when to take a meal break.”

 

Victor frowned, stiffening and pulling away.  He lifted his eyes to meet Yuuri and the older man could see the flair of temper in them.  “It just feels...like I have no control over my world.  You make appointments without telling me.  You force me onto a schedule.  Now you are controlling what I eat.”

 

Yuuri smiled indulgently.  “Are you through?”  Victor shrugged in irritation.  “I’m not trying to control you, and I think you know that.  I am trying to take care of you until you can do it for yourself.  I will listen to any valid argument you wish to make.  But you know I want you to be better.  For your sake.”

 

Victor pouted.  With a huff he turned on his side, rolling away from the older man.  Yuuri sighed and stretched out on his side of the bed.  It was half an hour in the darkness of the room before Victor found his way back across the bed.  Yuuri’s arms went around him, running comforting circles up and down his back.  “I just...feel helpless,” Victor muttered.  “I don’t like it.  I want to be able to take care of myself.”

 

“I know,  _ anata _ ,” he murmured brushing a kiss into Victor’s hair.

 

Victor tucked himself in under Yuuri’s chin.  “What does that mean?   _ Anata _ .  I heard your dad say it to your mom.”

 

“Well, technically it means  _ you _ ...but it’s a you reserved for intimate relationships...like marriage.”

 

“Oh,” Victor answered.  He snuggled a little closer.  “I’m not mad.  Not really, well not at you.  I am mad at this situation.  I just...I want to be me.  I don’t want to have to change myself.”

 

“I don’t expect you to change yourself, Vitya.  I fell in love with you.  As you are.  You know that.  But what I am asking is that you take care of yourself...so that we can have a long life together.”

 

“A long life...together...with you,” Victor breathed through those words.  “I need to undo what he did to me.”

 

Yuuri smoothed down the silver hair, “It doesn’t go away, but we can undo the damage so that you don’t carry it with you.”

 

“It...astounds me what all he managed to do to me in just four months.  I can’t...imagine what would have been left of me after four years.”

 

“I don’t even want to imagine a world where that’s a reality, Vitya.  Let me take care of you now.  I will never ask anything harmful of you.  And I will always listen to you.”

 

He snuggled closer.  Testing a boundary he already knew existed, “You’d never...push me some place I wasn’t ready to go.”

 

Yuuri swallowed the lump that rose up in his throat unbidden.  Huskily, he responded, “No.  Never.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay...so I hope you are seeing the progress. :) I just sent ch. 41 through for edits and beta reads and this story has been an interesting write! :)


	28. Turning Pages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri shows his love in he best of ways...and we get some contact with the Russian family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to BluSkates and Magrathea for the love and care you give to this story. For my readers, lots of lovely fluff!
> 
> Also, it's been proposed that at the end we do a read through and a "Dammit, Yuuri!" drinking game.

* * *

 

[ Turning Pages ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKBfsz3P7Us)

 

Victor fell into a routine quickly, and Yuuri breathed more easily.  Therapy and practice, helping Hiroko with the dinner rush, folding laundry with Mari.  In his down time, he strolled in the garden sometimes catching Toshiya and helping him with some of the gardening tasks, often spending hours in the protected outdoor space.  

 

The weather started to lift its chilled hand and Victor finally felt brave enough to walk their small part of town on his own.  He found his feet taking him to the beach, sometimes actively looking at the shore, other times lost in his dreams.  _  Makkachin, you’d like it here, it’s quiet. _  Sometimes he’d get so lost in his mind, he would lose track of time staying barefoot in the sand until Yuuri would come and take him home.  Victor loved how Yuuri always took care of him, never pushed for more.  He was gentle and good to him.   _ It should have been you.  My first time...I wanted it to be you. _

 

He was getting better.  He ate more, gained more, felt more.  But sometimes the world overwhelmed him, his past overwhelmed him.  He talked to Yuuri about this, and the other man would offer that sweet smile of his in reassurance saying, “I know how that is...feeling the world threatening to swallow you up, fighting through thoughts and trying to decide if they are real or imagined.  It’s not the same but...it kinda is.”

 

Victor accepted that.  He knew Yuuri understood to some degree.  He had his own nightmares to work through, his own demons to fight.  But Yuuri also had the advantage of  time and distance to heal him.  Yuuri knew that Hikaru couldn’t get to him, didn’t want to hurt him, not in the same way that Victor knew Masha would most definitely hurt him if found.  Victor had none of that reassurance.  He only knew that Mikhail Volkov was missing.  Yuuri made promises and Victor hoped he could keep him safe...but he wasn’t certain.

 

He remembered meeting Yuuri’s grandfather for the first time.   _ Sofu  _ was not what Victor expected.  Victor had seen bad men through Masha, he knew what the men Masha worked for looked like, talked like...smelled like.  Sofu was warm and affectionate towards his grandson and extended that warmth to Victor with ease.  Like Yuuri’s parents, he extended the offer of familial names.  When Victor asked him if he knew where Masha was...where  _ Mikhail _ was, the older man thinned his lips and his expression became sad.  “I’m sorry, Victor-san.  We can confirm he hasn’t left the borders of Russia under his own name.  He has not been seen on this island.  He’d stand out and I’d receive a report.  We are actively watching our borders, looking specifically for him.  Trust me.  I’ve already sifted through a few false reports.”

 

On the beach once more, he looked up as a hand slid over his shoulder.  “What can I do, Vitya?  What will let me shatter this dream world of yours?”

 

Victor frowned back towards the ocean.  “I don’t...know.  I was better...before.  I still would lose myself into stories and I would daydream.  But I didn’t...disappear.  I think...part of me wants to disappear, to be invisible,” his voice softened into a whisper at that admission.

 

“I don’t want you to disappear.  You are so important to me.  Have you talked to Hashimoto about the daydreaming?”

 

“Is it so bad to daydream?” Victor countered a little wistful, a little defensive.

 

Yuuri brushed a kiss into Victor’s hair soothing the rising emotion he sensed in the younger man’s tone.  “No...it can be healthy.  It’s when your fantasy life overrides your real life that I worry.  It’s the way you disappear...sometimes in the middle of conversations.”

 

Victor knew he was right.  Just the previous day he was folding sheets with Mari when he froze, his thoughts dragging him out of the moment and down a rabbit trail.  One moment they were discussing the dinner Hiroko planned for that night, the next Victor was lost in his mind thinking of a dinner his mother had made, how he would like to make it for Yuuri.  He wasn’t even aware of how startling the change was until he saw Mari’s paled face as she snapped her fingers next to his face to pull him back.  He apologized profusely and he knew she wasn’t upset...just worried.  They all were, his new family.

 

“When...I lost my mother.  I was bad as well, disappearing like this.  It’s like...I don’t know how to process grief.  And I think that’s what this is.  I’m grieving what I once was.  Back then...that’s when I adopted Makkachin.  She demanded my attention and my care so I couldn’t just drift off.  It was different than other people caring for me.  They didn’t rely on my care.  They weren’t dependent on me.  Makkachin was and I couldn’t...check out.”

 

“You are still the person that you once were.  I still see that.  You haven’t lost what makes you Victor...what makes you my Vitya.”  Yuuri considered those words before adding, “I’ll see what I can do about the rest.”  Yuuri slipped his hand into Victor’s  as they started walking back home.  Victor soon wanted to feel closer and slid his hand out of Yuuri’s, running his arm around the older man’s waist and feeling Yuuri’s arm resting around his shoulder in return.  He felt his head droop against Yuuri’s shoulder and a brush of the other man’s lips against his forehead.  This was what he wanted...always.  Yuuri’s gentle love.

 

* * *

  
  


Victor had no idea what Yuuri’s words meant, the promise on the day of the beach, but he didn’t have time to focus on them.  He poured himself into work with every opportunity, hoping to keep his focus on what was happening and avoid falling into his daydreams.  Two more days went by, Victor continued with his routine, retreating to the beach when he had free time and Yuuri continued to retrieve him when it was time to come in.  Then on the third day, Yuuri was called away to tend to some business.  Victor stayed behind and helped Mari with the towels escaping once more to the beach when done.  The sun was growing warmer.  Families could be seen walking along the beach, some gathering seashells, others chasing frisbees.  Victor imagined Makkachin running into those waves, slapping and barking at the water, chasing the gulls, stealing the frisbees.  His imagination was so vivid these days, he had painted a full day of playing with Makka on the beach, feeling her fur in his hand, smelling that oddly wonderful aroma of wet dog.  Victor could almost hear...her.

 

He turned towards the sound, his eyes widening, tears flowing down his cheeks.  Yuuri bent down and released the lead.  The poodle took off and bounded towards him and he laughed in the middle of his tears wrapping his arms around the poodle and allowing himself to be knocked back in the sand as the dog smelled him and licked him and made sure her human was well.  Victor blinked up at the man standing over him, hands on his hip.  “How?”

 

“I had access to a plane and a willing body to go run an errand for me.”  Yuuri shrugged, as if he hadn’t performed a minor miracle.

 

Victor sniffed and pushed his tears back from his cheek.  “I can’t believe you did this for me.”

 

“Well, there’s more.  When I contacted Yakov, he asked if he could send a few more things.  He thought...you might be missing a few familiar things from home.  If you come back with me, we can dig through those boxes and see what he sent.”

 

Victor wiped his nose with one hand and took Yuuri’s with the other.  “I’m a mess,” he pouted.

 

Yuuri laughed, brushing a kiss in his hair and hugging him close.  “You’re a beautiful mess.”  He sighed out, relieved at the welcome change he could feel washing over Victor.  “Come.  Let’s see what treasures await you.”

 

He laughed at Yuuri, the way the man almost skipped towards the house, giddy at his own surprise.  Family waved at them as Yuuri dragged him up the stairs.  In the room sat several boxes.  Victor was unsure where to start, but then Yuuri reached for a smaller box.  “I was told you were to open this one first.”

 

Victor took the box.  His hands shook as he tugged at the clear tape holding it shut.  He jerked the sob back when he spotted the contents.  He lifted out Douglas cradled by at least a dozen letters and hugged the bunny to his chest crying in joy at the treasured possession returned.  “Y-yuuri...th-this is Douglas.  My m-mother gave him to me.”  The words come out in sputters and sobs and Yuuri watched on with a gentle smile.

 

_ Maybe, just maybe, this will help Victor settle a little more into himself. _

 

Victor gathered the letters, at first a little emotionally overwhelmed with the pile.  However, he organized them beside the bed.  “I’ll read one a day.  Maybe then I won’t be so homesick.”

 

Yuuri nodded in approval, Victor’s face beaming at him.  Victor’s belongings and bits of himself started settling around the room, Yuuri welcoming the intrusion.   At first the younger man asked over and over, “Is this okay?  Do you mind?”  Yuuri remained patient, constantly reassuring that he just wanted the younger man to be happy and to feel at home.  Finally, Victor settled and unpacked the last box.  On the side table, he arranged the letters putting them in a specific order for his liking.  Books were stacked into a corner, Yuuri made a note to buy a bookcase, two more rabbits were discovered, Mr. Darcy and Col. Brandon.  A note was attached saying that the person packing knew those were his favorite.  Victor quickly realized his friends were the ones who packed for him.  He recognized Mila’s chicken scratch as well as Georgi’s flowery loops quickly.  He pulled out the necklace Yuuri had given him, it felt so long ago.  “Oh,” the slender fingers gingerly handled the beautiful pendant.  “I thought it was lost when he...when he…”  Victor lost himself for a moment, wrestling against being pulled into a dark memory, when a poodle nosed into his space and Yuuri saw how the dog kept the younger man from disappearing.  _  This is good.  _  Clothes were then put away, and Victor hid in the closet to change into one of his comfortable favorites.  The general happiness of the man could not be ignored.  Yuuri tapped out a message to his grandfather.

 

**Yuuri/ Thank you so much for allowing me to send Akio for Victor’s dog.  The transformation is amazing.**

 

**Sofu/ Of course.  Imagine how you would feel a world away from all of the things that you are familiar with.**

 

Then after a moment of hesitation, he sent a message to both Yakov and Georgi.

 

**Yuuri/ I can already see a difference.  Thank you to everyone who helped gather his things and for sending Makkachin.**

 

**Yakov/ He is doing better then?  Please keep us informed.  We worry.**

 

**Yuuri/ I will.  Please...feel free to contact me.  And in time he’ll be ready and more comfortable.**

 

**Georgi/ Ivan says to give Bunny a bear hug for him.  The rest...they are glad someone is looking out for him and he’s safe.  Thank you, Yuuri, for coming for our brother.**

 

**Yuuri/ I couldn’t NOT come.  I love him.**

 

**Goergi/ I know.**

 

That evening, Victor settled into the bed, Douglas in his lap and pulled out the first of the letters, perching his reading glasses (that were thankfully included among his things) on his nose as he read it quietly to himself.  “Yuuri!  Yakov must really miss me.  He is writing to tell me that he remembers when I first came to live with him and Lilia.”  Victor clutched the letter to his chest.  “I think...I forget sometimes that they are as much my parents as my coaches.”

 

Yuuri sat quietly next to the younger man, watching the wistful look wash over his face.  It was a memory, but Victor was still there, not retreating but sharing.  “I remember when we first talked about it, you said they were your guardians.”

 

Victor nodded.  “I moved in with them permanently when I was fourteen.  I’d been living with them off and on for two years.  My mother’s illness consumed her slowly.  I never learned what it was...just that her eyes would sink in a little more and her skin became more...transparent.  It was like she was slipping away slowly.”

 

Yuuri watched Victor as he remembered and thought to himself, _ that’s what I was afraid would happen to you.  That you would slip away slowly. _

 

“Yakov and Lilia paid for her to go to the States to get treatment.  That’s when she brought Douglas to me.  She said he was my guardian angel.”  Victor stilled as he considered the bittersweet memory.  “I didn’t know she was…telling me she was going soon.”  The crack in his voice gave away to soft tears at the memory.

 

“That must have been hard.”  He reached out to smooth the silver hair.

 

Victor nodded.  “I had a hard time coming out of my dreamworld after that.  Yakov had me see specialists.  He and Lilia were that worried over me.  Then he picked me up from school one day and took me to the animal shelter.  He told me I could pick any pet.  I chose Makkachin.  She...was a little older.  I think they were surprised.  Most people choose the puppies.  But Makkachin...she needed me.  And I needed her.”

 

* * *

  
  
  


The next evening, he read a letter from Katya and Pyotr.  He smiled, his fingers carding through Makkachin’s curls.  He was happy the dog took so well to Yuuri and that Yuuri and his family welcomed her so openly.  Yuuri didn’t bat an eye to the extra body in bed with them, the man just accepted the dog as part of Victor’s life, not battling against it.  He curled around Victor as the younger man settled into the crook of his arm reading his letter.

 

“Katya is making sure you’re treating me well...although she is inclined to like you since you sent for Makkachin.”  Victor looked up with his heart shaped smile.  “That’s a point in your favor, Yuuri.”

 

“I should hope so.  I figured if I could win the dog over, I’d be able to stay in your good graces regardless of how the rest feel towards me.”

 

Victor giggled at those words.  “She says that she and Pyotr are talking marriage.  That doesn’t surprise me.  They’ve been inseparable since...forever.”  Victor folded the letter and put it back on the nightstand, sliding it to the back of the stack.  He then turned and cuddled into Yuuri.  “I wonder what that would be like...to be a bride.”

 

“Is that what you want?” Yuuri asked softly, reaching over to turn the lamp off.  He heard Victor sigh softly as he settled back into Yuuri.

 

“It’s silly...I know.  I mean, I’m a boy, a guy...a man.”  Yuuri couldn’t help but smile at those assurances and settled Victor into his embrace.  “But...I like what I like.  And I think...I wouldn’t mind being a bride.”

 

“I think you’d be beautiful.  Would you wear a gown?”  He stroked the long silver hair.

 

“Oh, nothing that drastic.  I’d be elegant in a suit.  Maybe in soft browns.  Flowers wound into my hair...like a coronet.  Maybe peach.”

 

“That sounds...breathtaking,” Yuuri murmured.

 

“You don’t think my fantasies are too silly?”  Yuuri heard the little bit of doubt in the voice.

 

“No...not at all,” Yuuri reassured him, his fingers tracing up and down the younger man’s arm.  “I would love to see you as a bride.”

 

“I…”  Victor shifted up sitting upright and stared down at him with a most serious expression.  “Of course you’d see me, idiot.  Who do you think the groom would be?”  He gave Yuuri a playful push with his hand.  Yuuri’s arms went around his waist and pulled him down to the mattress, tickling him as he went.

 

In the midst of Victor’s giggles, the air between them stilled into breathlessness.  Yuuri’s eyes were glittering in the moonlight.  He lowered his lips and this time the kiss went beyond a brush.  Victor opened up to him and Yuuri found himself quickly drowning in Victor, the younger man’s arms tightening around Yuuri pulling him closer.  As the kiss broke, Yuuri stared down at him with soft brown eyes and murmured, “I didn’t want to presume.”

 

“Dammit, Yuuri...you’re an idiot sometimes!” Victor hissed but it lost any weight given the smile on those lovely pink lips now swollen with Yuuri’s kiss.

 

“Such lovely language on my bride’s lips,” Yuuri teased before dipping down to catch them once more in a kiss.  Victor’s lips opened easily to him as Yuuri’s tongue traced the seam.  The younger man’s sighs were swallowed down by the older.  Yuuri finally pulled away lying back to catch his breath.  Victor turned and curled into his side.  “You know I love you,” he whispered.

 

“I know...and I love you, too, idiot,” Victor teased snuggling his cheek into Yuuri’s shoulder.  After they stilled, Makkachin rejoined them, moving in behind Victor and resting her chin on the younger man’s hip.  Yuuri could hear Victor’s breathing ease.  Sending for Makkachin was a good decision.

 

* * *

  
  


Victor’s improvement was noticed by all, even some of the guests of the inn.  He seemed more comfortable in his own skin and Yuuri’s family and friends finally were able to meet the true Victor...not the ghost of the man Yuuri brought home with him.  His smiles came easier.  He laughed and danced in excitement.  And Yuuri was long gone, fallen deeply in love...if he hadn’t before.  Family and friends could tell that the Japanese Ace didn’t stand a chance when it came to Victor.  Victor who would run up behind Yuuri and excitedly tell him whatever new discovery he’d found as he wrapped his arms from behind.  Victor who snuggled up with a book and his head on Makkachin who tapped her tail patiently in response.  Victor who walked through the garden or down the beach with his head in a book then pulling it away reciting lines in the story.  Victor who would pull his letters down as he read them and give Yuuri impressions of the writers and comment excitedly on their words.

 

In the midst of all of this, Yuuri knew they needed to develop their programs and prepare for the next season.  Victor was lying with his head in Yuuri’s lap at the beach, lifting up his book to point out a passage when he noticed Yuuri staring off in the distance lost in thought.  He pulled the book down and watched contemplative Yuuri.

 

Victor knew that his own personality could ebb and flow with his excitement and his low periods.  He’d talked to Hashimoto about it.  He was keeping a mood chart with quick journal entries on what seemed to be happening, what could be triggering his moods.  He considered Yuuri, who seemed steady except when his anxiety created doubts.   _ Were they triggered by events or did it tie to something more chemical? _

 

“Penny for your thoughts,” Victor murmured.

 

Yuuri shifted his attention to the man in his lap, a smile touching his lips.  “I am thinking about the next season, what we’ll skate to, our themes.  We need to start creating our programs.”

 

Victor knew he couldn’t put off the skating season, but he knew that it would mean leaving this town, travel, and finally revealing where he’d been.  And he knew that would bring Masha.  Victor frowned in consideration before pushing those fears aside and smiling with mischief, skating also brought something else.  “I seem to recall someone telling me I get to select one of their songs...and maybe help with the choreography?”  He flicked teasing eyes up to meet brown.  “Do you want to pick one for me?”

 

“You trust me with this?”

 

Victor giggled softly reaching up to Yuuri’s cheek.  “I trust you with everything.”  He then pulled up and found Yuuri’s lips in a kiss.  They come more and more easily.  Kisses, touches, straying into each other’s space.  Yuuri never pushed, letting Victor lead and set the boundaries.  And Victor found it easier to trust, to open up, to allow himself to be loved and to love in return.

 

* * *

  
  
  


They were skating, working on elements and keeping their skills strong when Victor skated to his side, slipping his fingers into Yuuri’s.  The older man glanced down and he could see Victor formulating his thoughts into words before sharing them.

 

“I was thinking about a song for you and I think...you’ve seen  _ Romeo and Juliet  _ with Leonardo Dicaprio, yes?”  Victor watched him for a reaction.  Yuuri nodded.  “It’s not my favorite version.  Dicaprio was very flat in that interpretation.  But there’s this song.  I mean...it seems perfect.  And you said something about  _ Love  _ being your theme.  Anyway, the song...it’s called  [ _ Kissing You _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qP7nBXWElXY) .”  Victor ducked down breaking his hold and skated off, but even with the increasing distance, Yuuri could see the blush growing in Victor’s features.

 

Yuuri smiled chasing after him, reaching out to grab his hand when he drew near.  “I don’t remember the song.  Why don’t you play it and show me what you have in mind?”

 

Victor smiled excitedly and Yuuri drew off to the edge.  He had Victor’s phone and waited for his signal to start the song.  Victor moved in a loose interpretation of the choreography as Yuuri studied his form and listened to the song.  Even through a rough version of half choreography, Victor was beautiful, his interpretation of the song youthful like the young lovers in the story.  And he was gifting this song to Yuuri, who knew the implication behind it.

 

Victor drew up before him and asked with a bashful smile, “What do you think?”

 

“I think it’s...charming.  Are you sure you want me to skate to this?”  Yuuri couldn’t believe this young man would give away a program that could so easily win a podium spot.

 

“I do...it was you that inspired it.”  Victor drew close to him, dropping his forehead to Yuuri’s.  Yuuri’s arms were around him in a moment, his fingers loosely meeting around the small of Victor’s back.  Victor dipped down and caught his lips in a kiss, a soft blush rising into his cheeks.  They continued the kiss, on the surface but more than a brush of lips, like they were tasting the other in sips rather than gulps.

 

“You know we have cameras,” came a teasing voice from behind.

 

Yuuri broke the kiss and looked up as Victor hid into the curve of his neck.  “Oh, hi, Yuuko.  We are working on music and basic choreography.”

 

“Oh that’s what it’s called these days,” she answered with a knowing smile.

 

Watching Yuuko walk past the barrier and into the office, Yuuri turned to Victor with a warm smile.  “I have a song for you as well.  It’s from a bittersweet movie called  _ A Walk to Remember _ .  Have you seen it?”  Victor slowly shook his head.  “I’ll pull it up later.  And...it has that star-crossed lover feel as well.  The song is called  [ _ Only Hope _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmt9XtMrEnk) .  I’ve got to find it.  Maybe...join me for a movie tonight after dinner?”

 

Victor smiled warmly.  “I’d love to!”

 

“I warn you...the movie will make you cry.  But...it is sweet.”

 

“I can’t wait.”

 

* * *

  
  


Victor curled into Yuuri, the laptop perched before them, popcorn in reach and Makkachin curled up next to Victor’s hip.  Yuuri watched Victor savoring the reactions, the soft smiles, the tears that fell quietly down his cheeks.  As the movie concluded, he smiled softly up at Yuuri.  “I’d love to skate to the song you picked out for me.”

 

“It is soft but has a nice build up to it.  I can picture your movements, I can see you dancing to it with such surrender,” Yuuri murmured.  

 

“You make it sound so beautiful,” Victor sighed softly.

 

“ _ You _ are beautiful,” Yuuri murmured brushing kisses into Victor’s hairline.  Victor tightened his hold on Yuuri.  Yuuri could feel the slender fingers curling themselves in the soft fabric of his shirt.

 

“I know you think so...but I’m not.”  Victor’s voice came out tiny, like a broken doll’s.  “He took that away from me.”

 

Yuuri caressed the silver hair, “No,  _ anata _ , he has not.  He can’t take your beauty away, no one could ever do that.  It lies within you and I can see it light up your eyes when you allow yourself to be unguarded.  Don’t give him that kind of power.”

 

“But he’s taken so much from me.”  The clear blue eyes darted to Yuuri’s then fell to the side.  The heart shaped mouth trembled, “He’s left behind scars.”

 

Yuuri took a slow breath in, realizing that the younger man didn’t know what Yuuri already understood.  “I know, Vitya.  And if I could, I’d make all of that go away.  But...he hasn’t taken as much as you think.  There is so much more of you left...alive...let me love you and show you.”

 

Victor’s eyes lifted up to him, his lips parting even as he felt his body surrendering into Yuuri.  He knew Yuuri wouldn’t take it too far.  Something told him to trust and in that moment he felt his muscle relax, as if he had been clenching his entire body for all the weeks since he first left Russia.  Yuuri lowered his lips and brushed tenderly into the opening, his tongue licking just within.  Victor’s hands knotted into his shirt as Yuuri’s lips then moved up his cheeks, brushing kisses over his eyelids, his nose, before dipping down to capture Victor’s lips once more.

 

“Yuuri,” his name came out as a sigh.  Yuuri nuzzled behind Victor’s ear, his lips teasing that sensitive skin, Victor’s cheek turning into the hand cradling him.  Yuuri moved down to explore Victor’s neck, leaving just soft kisses in his wake, nothing that left marks...his intent only to love the man in his arms, not to mark him, not to claim him.

 

As Yuuri released the younger man, settling him into his arms and brushing final kisses into his hair, he heard the soft contented murmurs of his lover, and felt how the body relaxed into his.  “This is how I love you,” he whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you remember from "All that Glitters", Victor's mother had Hodgkin's Disease. I know I based her illness on the teacher from "October Sky".


	29. Your Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shadow of a monster...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So I counted the votes and Glittering it is! I'm a bit under the weather so for those who wanted L&F, that will go up tomorrow. So you will get your Detroit chapter.

* * *

 

[ Your Song ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9AFMVMl9qE)

 

Yuuri’s eyes fluttered open as he felt the warm body laying next to him shift.  He looked down into a large fluffy face with two enormous chocolate eyes regarding him curiously.  The poodle then huffed at the lack of attention, nuzzling into the Japanese man’s arm.  Yuuri chuckled, his hand going up to tangle into Makkachin’s curls.  He heard a giggle from the sofa and turned to see Victor dressed, sitting cross-legged with a book and watching amazed at how the two loves of his life were so lazy in the morning.

 

“What are you reading?” Yuuri asked as he stretched out, still petting the dog.

 

Victor turned the book over casually as if he had to read the cover to refresh his memory.  “ _ Frankenstein _ .  Someone tucked it in with my books.  I suspect it was Mila.  It wouldn’t surprise me if she had to read it for class and wants my opinion on it...or for me to simply tell her what it’s about and write her paper.”

 

Yuuri studied him a moment before asking, “You should think about writing back, or calling.  They miss you.” He pushed a little further, knowing that this isolation hurt Victor as badly as his friend, “How long are you going to keep separate from them?”

 

Victor frowned, a small pucker forming before he regained control.  “I don’t want them to be hurt...and I’m scared he’ll use them to find me somehow.  If they can tell him nothing, then they are safe.”  Victor’s small shoulders shrugged at his logic, it was sound, if not sad.

 

Yuuri sat up, swinging his legs to the floor and smiling at the dog as she shifted into the warm spot he left behind on the mattress.  He focused on Victor trying to break through.  “They know you’re safe...and that’s a lot.  Still, they love you.  They will want to know more.  Yakov was practically begging me for news of you.”

 

Victor studied the book cover without really seeing it.  “I’m scared, Yuuri.  You don’t know him, not the lengths he’ll go to, and how much damage he can do.”  Victor’s voice trembled, “He hurt little Yuri when he crashed into us, all to get at me.  I didn’t cause it, but that boy was hurt all the same, and could have been killed..  I think...they’ll be safer if I’m kept far away.”

 

Yuuri sighed, not at all in agreement but knowing Victor needed to work through these thoughts and fears.  He pushed up from the bed and walked over to Victor, who lifted his cheek expectantly.  Yuuri brushed a kiss against his skin before kneeling down to better capture the heart shaped lips.  “I love you, but I don’t think they need to be protected from you.”

 

Victor huffed unhappily, but didn’t argue.  “I’m going to go help Mama with breakfast.”  He then disappeared out the door, Makkachin on his heels.  Yuuri watched the door before pushing up and heading out to shower.

 

Half an hour later, he was downstairs eating breakfast.  “Your Vicchan made that,” his mother informed him with a tender smile.

 

Yuuri looked down at his breakfast in surprise.  Victor was nowhere to be seen and he suspected the younger man had slipped into the garden in order to avoid the rest of the conversation from earlier.  As he ate he studied the meal, he realized he couldn’t distinguish it from his mother’s.  It was a simple gesture, a kindness, a thank you, a small apology.  Victor was hiding and Yuuri hated that.  “I was too hard on him,” he murmured.

 

His mother looked up from her stew pot curiously.  “He didn’t seem to be overly upset.  Just a little lost in himself.  But Yuuri, he is so much better than he was at first.  He wouldn’t be where he is without a little pushing, and that is hard.”

 

Yuuri tried to take his mother’s confidence but only murmured, “I suggested he call home...he’s afraid.”

 

She smiled at him, and Yuuri thought he saw her eyes flicker to a dark corner of the room, “Give him time, son.  He’ll reach out to others when he feels safe.”

 

Yuuri’s eyes followed her,  _ was it always so dark there? _ “Was I wrong to give him this little bubble of safety?  I could have taken him to Detroit.”

 

“No, Yuuri.  This is where he needed to be.  And your grandfather’s best resources to protect him are here.  Everything else will work themselves out.”

 

Yuuri sighed as he finished his meal, hoping she was correct.  He washed his dishes in contemplation, putting them away as his thoughts wandered to the silver haired beauty.  Turning to his mother he saw that secret smile climb across her lips and he surrendered into impulse giving his mother a quick hug that both surprised her and elicited a warm laugh.

  
  
  


He found Victor in the garden talking to Makkachin.  Part of him felt guilty slipping up on him but part of him needed to hear what was going on in Victor’s head.  The younger man still kept so much inside of him, Yuuri could think of no better way to get an insight on what was keeping him stuck.

 

The poodle bumped into the slender leg, begging attention.  “Yuuri is so good to me, Makkachin.  I don’t deserve him.  I don’t know how I’ll ever repay him.”  The dog whined and licked at his hand.  Victor looked down and studied the poodle’s face.  The words flowed out as a confession to the dog and an admission to himself, “He loves me.  I know this.  I love him, too.  I just...still feel in pieces at time.  And I can’t let go of my fear.  I thought I was safe with Madame Lilia, only to have that ripped away.  I keep waiting for this to unravel as well.”  Victor blinked rapidly feeling the tears come on.  He stiffened as he heard a twig snap and then looked up to find himself enveloped into a pair of strong arms as Yuuri dropped to his knees before him.

 

“Never feel like you don’t deserve me, Vitya.  Each day with you is a gift that I cherish.  I want you to know that, to understand that.”  Yuuri’s voice came out husky from the rush of emotion.

 

Victor sighed in resignation.  “It just feels...like you are rebuilding me from the pieces left behind.  It’s not fair to you.”

 

Yuuri dropped his head.  He didn’t know when they had started, but when he looked back up, the tears were apparent.  “I thought I lost you.  So many times.  Through my own incompetence.  Through my anxiety.  But you’re here, and I get to love you.  And I don’t feel worthy...because I failed you, because I let you slip away, because I hurt you enough that you thought I didn’t want you.  Because...I always wanted you.  And because of that, you went through unspeakable pain.  If it takes me a lifetime to help you put the pieces back together, then I’ll take it.  Because I am with you.  And that’s enough.”

 

Victor reached out and touched the tears on Yuuri’s cheeks, feeling his own falling in answer.  “Dammit, Yuuri,” he whispered.  “Why do you make me love you so much?”  He pulled himself tighter into Yuuri’s arms.

 

* * *

  
  


They were late leaving that morning, walking slowly in the quiet of the day, children not out of school yet, workers already gone to work.  Victor walked Makkachin on lead in one hand, his other held Yuuri’s.  Yuuri had a backpack slung over his shoulder holding their lunch and dance gear.  They would dance today, working through their chosen programs, working out the emotions that were hanging on the edge between them.

 

In the privacy of the studio, they slipped into the dressing room and Victor took a steady breath.  He didn’t shy away from Yuuri this time, but chose to remain in the same room to change.  Victor thought of his body, the parts that were healing, the parts that would carry damage forever.  He didn’t like the idea of anyone seeing it, much less Yuuri.  The fear of scaring him away was still potent, even if Victor knew it would do no such thing.  He slipped out of his sweats, reaching for the leggings folded on the bench.  From behind he felt a gentle hand move down his back and remained still knowing Yuuri was studying the scars.  He then felt a kiss on his shoulder that startled Victor, who looked up with wide blue eyes.

 

Yuuri’s voice was warm and steady, “I know this is hard for you...to let me see.  But you are still beautiful.”

 

Victor kept his eyes on Yuuri’s face, “I can feel them.  When I wash, tiny lines, dents and ridges all carved into me.  They won’t go away, will they?”

 

Yuuri thinned his lips, looking in the mirror over his head to meet his eyes.  “Maybe not naturally, but some may will fade over time. We can talk to a surgeon if you wish and find out if we can have them removed completely through plastic surgery.”

 

Victor considered those words a moment before he answered, “Even if we do that, I’ll still have them inside me, though.  Surgery would be just more scars…” He paused seeing Yuuri’s confused look, “I mean, it’s another person, another knife.  It’s someone else building me.  I don’t want that.  It hurts still when I think about him.  And sometimes I can’t help it.”

 

Yuuri watched the face, there was a battle waging behind the eyes.  A flare of fire, extinguished with sorrow.  But he found hope in that flare, it would return.  “I know.  It gets better with time.  But...it may take a long time.  I’ll still be here, though.  I’m not going to leave you behind.”

 

Victor drew a steady breath relaxing back into Yuuri’s arms.  “I want to erase him.  I only want you.”

 

“You have me, Vitya.  And he doesn’t have you.”  Yuuri brushed a kiss into Victor’s hair, his hand splayed across Victor’s bare stomach.  He quickly realized Victor sat uncovered except for his briefs and the younger man looked very vulnerable before the mirror, eyes avoiding his body.  “Let’s get you dressed,” Yuuri guided him gently.  He reached for the black t-shirt and pulled it over Victor’s head, the younger man shaking his head as it pulled through the collar.

 

Victor’s arms slipped up into the sleeves and then pulled it over his stomach himself.  The motion seemed to help stabilize the younger man and he was able to pull the leggings on, standing up as he did so and turning to face Yuuri.  His expression settled into a false serenity, one that Yuuri couldn’t help but worry was a schooled expression created to show what he thought Yuuri wanted to see.

 

Standing up before Victor, Yuuri reached a hand around the slender waist pulling him into him.  Blue eyes widened in surprise, lips startled open before Yuuri kissed him.  Victor’s body molded into his, as Yuuri searched him out through that kiss.  As Victor broke free the younger man’s lips fluttered up the line of his chin, catching Yuuri off guard.  Victor stepped back and surveyed the surprised expression on the Japanese man’s face, smiling in satisfaction.  Cinnamon eyes widened and he felt his jaw drop open as Victor turned and then skipped out of the room.  Yuuri threw his hands and eyes to the ceiling.   _ What am I going to do with him? _

 

When he emerged a few minutes later, dressed in black dance tights and a tank top that hung loose on his body, he smirked at Victor’s gasp and blush.  The younger man quickly turned away to compose himself.  Yuuri’s desire to tease overcame him and he closed the distance, slipping his arms around Victor from behind, repeating the words from the previous night.  “Let me love you.”

 

Victor relaxed into his arms, his head leaning to one side as Yuuri explored the space of his swan-like neck with a kiss.  His hand pressed against Victor’s well defined abs pressing him back into Yuuri’s body as he felt Victor’s body responding, catching his own half-lidded glance into the mirror.  A soft moan slipped from Victor’s lips.

 

A clearing of a throat behind them caused them both to freeze.  Yuuri turned around guiltily to face Minako’s judgemental eyes.  “Sorry, Minako-sensei,” he apologized immediately.  He could feel Victor ducking behind him, light hands fluttered upon his shoulders.

 

“I don’t mind you using these facilities for what they are meant for...but you aren’t the only one that is in and out of here...especially during the day time.”  She warned.  Her eyebrow raised, which normally meant death, but there was a comical twist to her mouth...Yuuri was relieved, they would survive.

 

He blushed and stammered at her, “I wasn’t thinking.  We just...got carried away.”

 

“That’s fine.  I’m sure it won’t happen again.  I won’t be long.  I’m just getting some information for a parent.”  Yuuri watched Minako rifle through her desk and then leave with the paper firmly clutched in her hand.  Once the door closed securely behind her, he turned to Victor lifting his chin.

 

“I’m sorry...I didn’t mean to…”  He stopped at the sound of Victor’s laugh.

 

“I almost died when she walked in!”  Victor’s face registered nothing but humor, a blush rose on his cheeks but there were no signs of distress.

 

Yuuri laughed when he saw that Victor wasn’t freaking out.  “Me, too.  It’s almost like getting caught by your own mother.”

 

Victor giggled.  “That’s what I remembering.  When I was still with Mama, there was this boy I liked that also hung out backstage.  I was twelve and he was thirteen.  It wasn’t long after she introduced me to Lilia and Yakov.  He and I would practice in one of the smaller studios...and sometimes he’d steal a kiss from me.”  Yuuri watched Victor get caught in the story, the emotions, the quickly lit little passion.  “Mama caught us once and she was upset.  I thought...it was because he was a boy.  She waved that off.  She said she already knew I liked boys.  She just thought I was too young for such things.  But...I remember what that felt like.”  His eyes stayed clear, never traveling back into the past to live in that happy memory.  He was happier to be here, sharing it with Yuuri.

 

Yuuri kept his hands on Victor’s arms, but his eyes dropped with a blush, “I was too shy for such things...especially at twelve.  I knew I was different, that I liked boys.  I didn’t know...what to do about it.  It wasn’t really talked about at school.”

 

Victor frowned as he thought back.  “When it was discussed at school, it was treated like an abomination.”  He huffed and rolled his eyes at the state-sponsored nonsense.  “They made me feel like something was wrong with me, but Mama said that some boys like boys and that’s okay.  Like it was about as strange as being left-handed.  Then later, after mom passed away and I was living with Yakov, there was another boy...Ivan.  He and I were dating secretly.  Until we were discovered kissing on school grounds.  The theater was safe, but school was absolutely not.  He...was sent away.  And I...was treated badly.  Yakov took me out of that school.  I had private tutors after that.”

 

Yuuri reached out his hand and squeezed Victor’s.  “May there come a time when gay kids don’t have to deal with that kind of stigma.”

 

Victor nodded, moving into Yuuri’s space, his hand resting on Yuuri’s hip as he dropped his head onto his shoulder.  “Yakov didn’t treat me like there was anything wrong.  He said the ones that hate have something wrong in them.”

 

Yuuri’s arms wrapped around Victor, gentle and secure.  “I agree...but sometimes there are so many people willing to shouted and yell and hurt, it’s hard to keep that thought.”  Yuuri wasn’t sure who started this but he felt himself move, shifting his weight from one hip to another, pulling Victor.  They began to move slowly to some unspoken tune, the rhythm finding their feet easily as they swayed back and forth in one another’s arms.  Victor pulled back just enough to put their foreheads together.

 

“At least...with you, I’m safe,” Victor whispered.

 

Yuuri closed his eyes, inhaling deeply.   _ Please never doubt that, anata. _

 

At some point they moved past their private bubble.  Yuuri played the song  [ Only Hope ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmt9XtMrEnk) through once as he tapped out the timing thinking about how to produce the program.  In the second play through, Victor’s eyes widened as Yuuri moved through a dance almost on instinct, beautiful in its ballet background.  Once he had it worked out, he invited Victor to join him.  They danced next to one another.  Yuuri danced through the draft choreography twice more before he backed out and watched Victor.  The younger man moved through the movements, making them automatic in their fluidity, each move leading into the next as one expression of music, his body encompassing the music graceful with an expression full of love.  As he closed out, he met Yuuri’s eyes, a soft sigh slipping from his lips.

 

“It feels...like it took a long time for us to get here,” he murmured.

 

Yuuri knew what he meant.  Fighting one another, fighting themselves, but always drawing towards the other.  Now here they were, very much in love and wrapped up together.

 

Yuuri took one step towards him then another, until they were in one another’s spaces, lips finding lips, kisses going back and forth.  The music switched over to another  [ song ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wBgcalM4c4) .  Victor turned in his arms and their bodies began to answer one another to the music, the rhythm guiding their movements.  The freeform movements of their bodies complemented one another, a conversation in a language only they knew.  They finished in one another’s arms once more.

 

“We should work on  _ your  _ song, Yuuri,” Victor pointed out breathlessly.

 

Yuuri chuckled.  “Perhaps...but this has been so fun, I’ve just gone with the flow.”

 

Victor scrolled through his phone until he found  [ Kissing You ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qP7nBXWElXY) .  “It seems appropriate considering how we’ve spent the day,” he commented wryly.  Setting the song on repeat, they both listened it through once.  Victor then moved into the choreography with the second round.  Yuuri joined him by the third.  Victor stepped out on the fourth, watching him with a soft expression.  On the fifth, though, he was calling out corrections and Yuuri found that Victor could be a demanding task master.

 

“I see you’ve taught before,” he said breathlessly after the next run through.

 

Victor smiled.  He knew he was exacting.  “Mainly the little ones.  I’ve helped at Yakov’s training camp for several years.  I like kids.  They...are more honest.  You don’t have to guess where you stand with them.”

 

Yuuri considered this and walked towards Victor on the mats.  “And the blonde?  The other Yuri?”

 

Victor smiled softly.  “He’s all prickles and thorns on the outside...because he’s actually quite soft on the inside.  When I...when I stayed with Yakov, he’d leave little gifts for me, just outside my door.  He thought he was being secretive but I think everyone knew it was him.  I could tell he worried about me.  I hope...he’s okay...that he’s safe.”  Victor started to pull inside himself when Yuuri stepped forward.

 

“I stationed two men to keep an eye on him.  Once I knew you were safe with me, I alerted Georgi to tell Yakov so he wouldn’t be alarmed.  I knew...you’d worry about him.”

 

Victor pulled his knees up to his chest and locked his arms around them.  “He’s so small...and what Mas...Mikhail threatened…”

 

“My men would extract him and bring him here if there was any hint of danger.  That’s the protocol I put into place, and Yakov would understand.”  He smoothed Victor’s hair behind his ear.  “There hasn’t been any sign of him.”

 

Victor’s eyes met Yuuri’s and the fear stilled the older man.  “That’s what I’m afraid of.  That we’ll relax our boundaries and that’s when he shows.  I still live with the idea in the back of my mind that he could show up and steal me away...or hurt someone important to me.  It would be easier...no, I can’t think that way,” Victor cut himself off with a shake of his head.  “I’m not a monster and I won’t let him turn me into one.”

 

“No, you’re not,  _ anata _ .  You are far from monstrous.”

 

* * *

  
  


The next day, Victor stood at the train station next to Yuuri, Makkachin on her lead.  The men were scattered about, blending in.  “Makkachin does well on the train, I’d take her with me often when I first got her.  She just doesn’t like busses so much.  There was a train that would take me close to her vet in Russia.”

 

“You can walk to a good vet in Hasetsu.  Of course, Mari or I would take you in an emergency.”

 

“Hopefully we’ll never have to test that,” Victor said with a shiver.

 

Yuuri reached over and gave his hand a squeeze.  The train pulled up and they parted with a sigh.  They still traveled like friends, still traveled in disguise.  Victor tugged his hood into place.  Yuuri resisted the urge to put a hand on the small of Victor’s back as he climbed onto the train.  The dog led Victor to a seat and Yuuri followed him.

 

“One of these days, I should make this trip alone,” Victor murmured.  Looking out the window, he added, “Not yet, though.  I’m not ready.”

 

Yuuri kept himself steady but was inwardly thrilled with the flash of independence, even if Victor wasn’t ready to take the step, he was thinking of it. “You’ll never be totally alone,” Yuuri said quietly.  They both knew what he meant.  As long as he and Victor were together, the bodyguards will always be present to some degree.  Yuuri snuck a quick squeeze of his hand between them and Victor offered an appreciative smile.

  
  
  


An hour and a half later, Victor walked into Hashimoto’s office.  The therapist greeted him then went down to his knee.  “Who’s this?”  He offered a flattened palm for the poodle to inspect and was licked immediately in approval.

 

“This is my Makkachin.  She helped me when I was dealing with the loss of my mother.  I was really missing her and Yuuri sent for her.  She...helps me to not disappear into myself.”

 

The therapist looks up with interest.  “How does she do that?”  He kept his hands in the poodle’s fur, keeping his tone light.

 

“She notices when I...check out.  And she’ll do things like cuddle up to me, lick or...touch...my hand…”  Victor stilled, his eyes wide.  Memories, bad ones, started crowding him, but he didn’t run from them.  He worked the pieces together and the therapist saw recognition and anger register.  “Oh, god!  That’s how he did it!  He must’ve been watching me for a while.  He must have seen how Makka worked with me!  He’d use these little touches to correct my behavior.  I didn’t even notice it at first.”

 

“If he’s truly a narcopath, there is a strong likelihood he followed you and watched your behaviors for pretending to meet you.  He may have even gone as far as to break into your apartment more than once when you were gone and looked through things that were important to you.  All to gain a better understanding of you, but only to use that to manipulate you.”

 

Victor considered those words.  “There were a few times when I noticed things felt...out of place.  I even found a letter from Yuuri on the floor when it should have been tucked away in a box for safe keeping.”

 

Hashimoto rose and indicated to the couch.  Victor sat down with Makka settling around his feet, “How did he react to your interactions with Yuuri?”

 

Victor huffed, “He was jealous from the beginning, like he knew I had been attracted to Yuuri before we met.  He seemed intent on making sure I avoided Yuuri.”

 

“He already knew that you cared about Yuuri, perhaps, and was doing what he could to distance the two of you.  You’ve told me before that he pointed out the weaknesses that you perceived in yourself, things that you thought broke down your relationship with Yuuri.”

 

Victor nodded.  “He...always made comments about me being a child when he wasn’t happy with me.  Or when he’d try to get me to do something, he’d turn it around and talk about how it made me an adult.”

 

Hashimoto sat back and considered Victor, “Why...does being childlike seem to be a sensitive topic for you?”

 

Victor shrugged.  “I...grew up slowly, late bloomer, I guess.  I think I was always protected from the world.  First Mama then Yakov and Lilia.”

 

“No father?”  Hashimoto knitted his brow.

 

Victor shook his head vehemently.  “Mama said he was bad and that he tried to hurt her.  He’s not even on my birth certificate.  I don’t think much about him...except at times when people use my patronymic, Andreievich.  I don’t like it, though.  I usually tell them I’m just Victor.  Some of my paperwork doesn’t even have that on it.  I like how that isn’t a tradition here.”

 

Hashimoto smiled at the cultural reference, he also knew when Victor was deflecting.  “Do you know his name?”

 

Victor shrugged.  “Only his first name...Andrei.  Mama didn’t keep any correspondence between them.  I think she cut him out of her life pretty quickly.”

 

“Do you think that sheltering was to protect you from him or the world?”

 

Victor frowned as he thought about it.  “I guess...mainly from him.”

 

“Tell me about your childhood.”

 

“I...grew up backstage.  My mama used to be a ballerina.  Even a prima.  But after she met my papa, she couldn’t risk being in the spotlight.  So she moved backstage.  She made costumes.”  Victor remembered the time spent backstage with her, watching her hands work magic with fabric and lace.  “We lived in Moscow for a long time.  Then, when Mama became sick, she met with an old friend, Madame Lilia.  Lilia arranged for her to work with her old ballet company as a seamstress in St. Petersberg.  I went from school to the studio.  I took ballet lessons and figure skating lessons.  Then one day, Madame Lilia arranged for her husband Yakov to see me.  After that, I was a figure skater.  I’d go from school to practice.  Mama would pick me up after she finished her work...but sometimes, she wouldn’t come.”  Victor remembered that first day the statuesque woman came to collect him.  She was rigid, expressing her softness through strength.  “Madame Lilia would tell me she told had told Mama to rest.  That’s when I figured out she was sick.  I don’t know what from but she just...slowly slipped away.  I know she was fighting it, though.  I spent more and more time with Yakov and Lilia.  Then...she was gone.”

 

Hashimoto waited for Victor to continue, letting him sit in silence for a few moments.  “You don’t talk much about childhood friends or playing.”

 

Victor shrugged.  “I had a few friends.  We were all dance kids.  We played backstage while our parents rehearsed, we danced, a couple of them went to figure skating lessons with me.  We were friends because we were all together at the studio, but I wasn’t really that close to anyone.  Nobody that stuck with me after I stopped going to my mother’s work.”

 

“So how did you cope with the loneliness of that childhood?”

 

Victor smiled, his fingers carding through Makkachin’s fur.  “I’d create my own little dream worlds.  Mama always said I was imaginative.  I could be whatever I wanted, and nobody could hurt me there.”

 

“So you learned at an early age to retreat into yourself when things would become difficult.”

 

Victor nodded slowly he could hear the troubled inflection in Hashimoto’s voice.  “It’s bad, isn’t it?”  He lifted blue eyes to the dark eyes of his therapist, tears edging out of his lower lid.  He swallowed before continuing.  “Yuuri said I check out sometimes mid-conversation.  That’s...why he brought Makkachin.  He asked me what to do and I told him that’s why Yakov had got me Makkachin.”

 

Hashimoto kept his face steady, not wanting to make the young man feel worse.  “Let’s talk about how Makkachin came into your life and the role she’s assumed.”

 

Victor chewed his lips, “I was not dealing well with Mama’s loss.  I...talk to my stuffed rabbits a lot and into the air like there were people around me, I think Yakov or Lilia must have seen this.  My skating friends were very protective of me because they worried about me.  But...I didn’t see them.  Not really.  I was kind of...trapped.  What I could create in my head was more desirable than the world around me.  I went to therapists and grief counselors, and they wanted to help but I never could pull myself free of my imaginary world.  Finally, Yakov took me to the shelter and told me to pick any pet.  I picked Makkachin.  She was a couple of years old, but seemed a little afraid.  They told me she’d been neglected by her previous owner.  I was the first person she seemed to take to.  So...we sort of chose each other.”

 

“Dogs have a way of seeing right through to the heart of people,” Hashimoto stated with a smile.

 

Victor smiled broadly, “Do you have a dog?”

 

The therapist nodded with a smile.  “My partner and I have an Irish Springer we brought back from the States.  His parents breed them.”

 

“I’ve seen them.  A very pretty dog breed.”  Victor smiled.   _ Of course he was a dog person _ .  No wonder Victor felt at ease with him.

 

“Poodles make for very good companion dogs,” Hashimoto commented.  “They are highly intelligent and very attached to their owners, sensing when they need comforting.”

 

Victor nodded.  “Having Makkachin helped me move forward again.  I think I was stuck for a while before she came into my life.  I had to take care of her and when I’d...disappear...she’d bring me out of it.  Instead of talking to inanimate objects, my conversations were with her...and eventually the people around me.  I was still...painfully shy.  It was Yuuri that helped me to open up.”

 

“How did he do that?”

 

“It was at a competition.  He came over and spoke to me, encouraging me.  I was surprised he noticed me, but then he wanted to exchange contact information.  I learned later that he was shy, too, and that was the most difficult thing for him to do.”

 

Hashimoto smiled, he was happy with Victor’s progress this session, but wanted to change gears to keep that progress though the week. “Let’s talk about triggers.  What have you noticed this week?”

 

“It’s been much easier with Makka here.  But there’s this smell when I walk a certain way through town.  I think it’s something that grows in someone’s garden.  But I can’t go that way.  I didn’t realize I was avoiding it until Yuuri and I were jogging together and as we drew close, I just stopped.  Yuuri slowed down and came back.  He coaxed me out of my stall but we had to go a different way.”

 

“Do you know where this smell comes from?”

 

“I don’t know what plant it comes from...but it was in the  _ medicine  _ Mikhail used after he...he...when he…”  Victor’s fingers tightened on the sofa.

 

“Take your time,” Hashimoto encouraged, his eyes moving over the lines of the figure before him.

 

“He would...tie me up.  Then I’d be punished.  But...I had to be perfect.  So he used this salve to  minimize scarring.”

 

“We are going to work on finding what that scent is so that we can desensitize you to it, Victor.  Is there anything else?”

 

“I...have trouble with endearments still.  When words like sweetheart, honey, darling, baby...I feel like I go into another place.  It’s a trigger...like it puts me into that zone.  Like I feel forced into submission.”

 

“Your abuser’s fantasy was that you were his submissive.  Which does not fit your personality profile but sometimes shy, quiet people are mistaken as such.  We’ll work on the terms.  Give me one more goal and then I’ll give you your homework for the week.  I still want to see you two more times for EMDR therapy but now we’ll have more focused sessions.”

 

Victor nodded as he thought about it.  “I want...to be able to come to see you on my own.  I know Yuuri doesn’t mind escorting me, but I think it’s important that I be able to leave Hasetsu on my own.”

 

The therapist smiled and nodded.  “Then we’ll work towards that.  Independence is important and you’ve made steady progress.  First, leaving the room, then the building.  Now you can walk around town on your own.  This seems a natural and necessary next step.  Okay, let’s begin with the words…”  The session continued as the therapist expertly reasserted positive behaviors and helped reestablish good responses to the words.  Victor walked out with two homework assignments:  (1) to walk to the train station on his own; and (2) to find out what the smell is that is triggering him.  When he discussed the latter assignment with his Yuuri, his partner suggested he talk to Hiroko.

 

“Mom has blended her own teas for some time.  In fact, a number of people seek out the blends she uses.  She’d probably know what’s grown locally.  We can tell her where you have trouble crossing.  She may be able to narrow it down.  Then maybe...we can contain some samples in some bottles and have you go through each scent.”

 

Victor nodded with a smile.  “That’s so scientific.  I like this plan.  Thank you, Yuuri.”

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Victor woke up with a start, surprised by the nightmare.  He hadn’t had it since he was a child.  Drawing his knees to his chest, he whimpered softly into the darkness.  He felt Yuuri draw him close.  “What’s wrong,  _ anata _ ?”

 

Victor puckered a little, his voice becoming childlike.  “It’s the shadow that used to scare me when I was little.  Mama made my first bunny after that and it would stay away for a while.  I think...talking about my childhood with Hashimoto brought it back.”

 

“What can I do to soothe you?”  His hands were warm against Victor’s skin, which had chilled in his fright.

 

“I want...Douglas.”  As Yuuri slipped from his side, he felt Makkachin cuddle up close, licking at his hand fisted up around the blankets.  Yuuri returned and slipped the bunny into Victor’s arms.  The younger man started to relax.  “I think...the shadow has something to do with my father.”

 

“I thought he didn’t know about you,” Yuuri whispered.

 

Victor looked at Yuuri with wide eyes.  “I thought so, too.  Now...I’m not so sure.”

 

Yuuri frowned at this new information.  “Do you know anyone who would know anything about him?”

 

Victor nodded thoughtfully.  “Maybe Yakov?  I know Mama talked with him and Madame Lilia a lot before she passed away.  She was really worried about me.  At the time...I thought she just wanted to make sure I was taken care of.  Now...I’m wondering what she was protecting me from.”

 

Yuuri looked at the time on his phone.  “He’ll be awake in Russia.”

 

Victor took the phone hesitantly.  It has been so long since he talked to his family and he was going to start with something hard.  Sending the call through, he waited for Yakov to answer.

 

The gruff voice barely hid the excitement in the greeting, “Allo?  Vitya?”

 

Victor drew in a deep breath, “Hi, Yakov...I...need to know something.  What do you know...about my mother?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks all for loving my stories! And thanks for the edits both Magrathea and BluSkates.


	30. Say What You Need to Say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stories from the past...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day! I'm celebrating with some baby Vitya love! Also, for those who are wondering, there will be a chapter for Chris' birthday but it will be in LL in the appropriate place in the games. So not today!
> 
> Thanks so much for my wonderful friends and editors Magrathea and BluSkates. And thanks so much for your continued readership.

* * *

 

[ Say What You Need to Say ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSS0wtjrm1U)

 

Yakov sighed as he took in Victor’s question.  He had finally heard from his boy after weeks of worry, only to have him ask the one question that the old man had dreaded for years.  “Your mother?  In what context?”

 

The voice on the other end came through tinny, but strong enough to tell Yakov he could not equivocate.  “Who was she?  What...is everyone hiding from me?”

 

Yakov frowned, realizing that it was exactly as he had feared for years, but was truly horrified of for the last few months.  Drawing in a breath to steady himself he checked on the boy before continuing, “Are you sitting?  Alone or with Yuuri?”

 

There was a pause on the other end, “I’m sitting next to Yuuri.  I can put this on speaker.”  Victor’s voice was full of suspicion and Yakov hoped that the Japanese Yuuri would be strong enough to help Victor after he learned everything.

 

Yakov thinned his lips as he tapped his desk.  With a sigh, he replied.  “Only if you want Yuuri to know.  Most of this...is stuff your mother swore me to secrecy.  She...worried about your safety.”

 

“Why?  Is it because of my father?”

 

Yakov closed his eyes.  He was glad he was in the office he shared with his wife at their home, her strength was something he could draw from.  He avoided Victor’s question.  The younger man could draw his own conclusions.  “Lilia knew your mother better...back when she was Alina Petrova.  She was often first or second soloist with the company Lilia ran.  Lilia remembered working with her choreography on more than one occasion.  Then all of a sudden, she just disappeared.  It was the middle of a season, primas don’t walk away from that.  No one knew what happened to her.  Years went by and no word came.  She hadn’t signed with another ballet company, hadn’t emigrated, hadn’t become a teacher.  Lilia was heartbroken, she loved your mother like a younger sister.  Then one day, Lilia was in Moscow and she spotted you dancing with some of the other children.  It was your hair that made her stop, she only knew one ballerina with that particular shade of blonde.  When she learned your name she almost walked away.  But something told her to inquire further.

 

“When your mother was brought before her, she paled upon seeing Lilia and begged her to forget she ever saw her.  Lilia took her from the others and visited with her in private.  That was when she learned a rather odd tale from your mother, who was then known as Anastasia Nikiforova.

 

“A little over twenty years ago, she became involved with a young man who took great interest in her.  She was beautiful but as he got to know her, he also learned she was very kind, gifted, and brilliant.  Much like most kind people, it never occurred to her that the man she was seeing could be bad.  Then one day, he came home drunk after working some business with his family.  He had been certain to keep her separate from that part of him, but that night it followed him to their home.  He became a very different man when drunk.  She was upset, they argued, and he struck her...hard.  She said he immediately apologized when he realized what he did, claiming he never wanted to be his father.  She was horrified and said she wanted out of the relationship.  Immediately.”  He paused, closing his eyes as he chose his words carefully.

 

“You see...she had someone she needed to protect.  That was you.  He noticed the way she was covering her stomach and he fell apart, begging her forgiveness, seeking a second chance.  She asked him if he was willing to raise his child in the manner in which he was raised, to expose him to that violence, to that evil that haunted him.  He thought about it for a long time.  In the end, he agreed to let her go.  He never wanted to risk raising a hand against their child...or her once more.  And he didn’t want his child trapped in the organization that held him.

 

“A year passed by and she’d given birth to you.  She worked hard to return to dance and although she couldn’t solo just yet, she was being considered as part of the corps for the next production.  That’s when someone else from his world spotted her.  That’s when she learned what he truly came from.

 

“Your father never revealed his last name to her while they were dating.  He used an alias, one that wouldn’t trace back to his family, or the organization he worked for.  Andrei Nikiforov.  But he lived in a world of violence and that made enemies for him, ones he could never outrun.  And the two of them were seen together, he’d been recognized, they knew she was important.

 

“Someone took her photograph and sent it to your father threatening to hurt her.  Your father came unglued.  He knew he had to protect her...and you.  So he came to her with new papers, birth certificates, identification cards, licenses, for both you and her, giving her a fresh identity and moved her to Moscow.  He knew when he laid eyes on you, he couldn’t risk you falling into his family’s hand.  Their form of protection was out of the question.  So she became Anastasia Nikiforova, a widow raising her child alone in Moscow.  She gave up dancing, knowing it would draw too much attention to you.  She was a seamstress by profession and disappeared backstage to raise you in as safe an environment as she could create.”

 

Yakov finished, listening to the boy he had practically raised breath on the other end.  Victor was silent.  Yakov knew he was putting things together in his head, making connections.  Finally, Victor asked, “Who was my father?”

 

_ I had hoped to never say this name out loud.   _ Yakov took a deep breath and released it slowly before he answered, “Andrei Volkov.”

 

Down the line Victor gasped, then his sounds disappeared.  Yakov could hear a shuffle then Yuuri informing him they’d have to call him back.  Then the connection went dead, leaving the elder coach on the line alone.  Yakov sat defeated at the desk.  He never heard the door behind him open, but he felt the warmth of a hand on his shoulder and spotted a belt of vodka being placed before him.  “Lilia...our boy” was all he could force out to her.

 

Her voice was soothing in its calm strength.  “He’ll come back.  Don’t worry.  I have faith in him.”

 

“I never wanted to tell him...especially after he started seeing Mikhail.  How could I tell him?”

 

“He would find out eventually.  Give him time to process it.”  Another hand settled on the opposite shoulder, both squeezed into the fabric of his jacket.

 

“Time…”  He felt his wife’s arms wrap around him, she was barely half his size, and yet she held him up more than once.  “I can’t lose another, Lilia.  I can’t lose our boy.”

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


On the other end, Victor hugged his body, knees pressed against his chest, arms locked shut around them, rocking back and forth.  He was vaguely aware of Yuuri disconnecting the call.  He felt the bed shift as Yuuri went to the door, possibly leaving the room.  He couldn’t quite focus on the world around him, too much was happening inside himself.  Then he felt more than saw that Yuuri was back by his side, his arm around his front, his free hand moving up and down his back, soothing words that couldn’t quite overpower the roar that kept his thoughts from formulating.

 

Hiroko arrived next, bringing something hot and soothing with her.  Tea perhaps.  Holding the cup to his lips, not pushing, she helped him to drink.  He could hear her voice joining Yuuri’s in a soothing chorus.   _ Yuuri must’ve gotten her help _ .  Then he felt himself wrapped up in a heavy blanket.  He’d seen them in the room before, but never quite understood their purpose.  Yuuri told him sometimes he couldn’t stop shaking after a panic attack.  The weight calmed him and helped him find some balance.  Hiroko later told him she used lavender oil when she washed those blankets.  He could smell it now and buried his nose in the folds around his shoulder, nestling into her touch.

 

“Yu-uri…”  He tried to stutter out that name but it was too hard.   _ I can’t talk, why can’t I talk?   _ Words still weren’t processing.   _ I can’t disappear, I have to fight out of this.   _ He felt Yuuri tighten his arms around him and knew the older man hadn’t left him.  Using his warmth and strength Victor pulled his focus into that embrace and released a sob.

 

* * *

  
  


Yuuri sat with his mother in the kitchen.  He couldn’t sleep after Victor fell apart in his arms, remaining with the younger man until he slept.  Only then did he leave the room, Makka staying behind to watch over Victor while he sorted out what he heard for himself.  “Mom, what do I say?”  Yuuri’s voice was raw with emotion, processing the betrayal Victor must feel, the horror at what had happened now worsened just as they were making progress.  They spent the early hours of the morning before the rest of the family rose talking over the revelation about Victor’s mother and father.

 

Hiroko was shaken in her sorrow for the tiny soul upstairs.  She had come to truly love him, more than just a person who made her beloved son happy, but as a soul that needed her and called to her.  “It’s all rather shocking.  I’m sure he’s still trying to understand.”

 

“He...didn’t know.  How could he know that he was somehow related to that man?”  Yuuri was disturbed, it was all so awful, and only seemed to worsen.

 

Hiroko knew that there would be little comfort in her words, but she knew there could be more. “It may not be that close.  But I happen to know someone who can figure that out.  You have information, son.  What are you going to do with it?”

 

Yuuri met his mother’s eyes and he knew his showed his own fear.  _  What if I can’t reassure him?  What if I uncover an even greater nightmare? _  She took a sip of tea and held his eyes.  “I suppose...it’s better to be armed with the rest of the information than to sit and wonder.”

 

Hiroko closed her eyes for a moment, “And you know he’s going to want to know.”

 

Yuuri nodded.  “I just don’t...want to be the bearer of more pain.”

 

She offered a sad smile and looked at her son again.  “I’m sure that man, who is as much Victor’s father as he can be...I’m certain it hurt his heart to tell of what he knew.  But...if you are old enough to ask, you’re old enough to know.  Victor needs to take in this information.  Now, go make sure he’s in possession of the  _ right  _ information.”

 

Yuuri nodded, rising to rinse out his cup.  He retreated to his room, his eyes resting on a thankfully still sleeping Victor, Makkachin resting a protective head and paw on her human regarding him warily.  “I won’t hurt him, Makka.  I know you feel his pain, but so do I.”  He turned to his desk and opened up his computer.  His fingers flew through the normal protocols he put into place before he jumped into the world of information.

 

Hours later, he was asleep on the keys when he felt a hand on his shoulder.  Looking up, he met blue eyes.  He turned to face him and Victor dropped into his lap, burying his head into Yuuri.  “How could he not tell me?”

 

Holding the small frame close to him, “Vitya...I don’t know.  He was torn between a promise to your mother and trying to figure out the right thing.”

 

“What if Mikhail...how is he...we are related...somehow…”  Yuuri felt him trembling in his arms.  He ran his hand up and down Victor’s back.  Finally, Victor sat up, still in Yuuri’s lap.  Leveling his eyes on Yuuri, he nodded to the computer.  “What have you found out?”  The voice was firm, but Yuuri heard that worry that it was only more bad news.   _ What good can come from this? _

 

Yuuri inhaled and began slowly, “I knew you’d want information.  Your father...he was Obshchak.  He answered directly to the Pakhan.  Not the current one but the previous.  He was killed two years after your mother passed away.  I see nothing in the records to indicate they even know you exist.”

 

“How...is Mikhail related to me?”

 

“He’s your fourth cousin.”  Yuuri explained quickly, “It’s...not that close at all.  Mikhail is a nephew to the current Pakhan but not regarded highly.  He’s the grandson of a younger brother that was killed.  Mikhail owes him his loyalty because the Pakhan took care of his family.  Your father was the cousin to the current Pakhan and nephew to the previous.”

 

Victor worked at breathing as he processed that information.  Yuuri could feel the next question coming; Victor could only want to know one thing.  “Could he have known?”

 

Yuuri pursed his lips, he didn’t like being uncertain but in this case a lack of information was a good indication of Mikhail’s ignorance.  “I don’t think so.  There are absolutely no records connecting the two of you.  And the chatter about you that Phichit shared with me never indicated that they know you are...connected to the Bravta.”

 

Victor huffed, “At least there’s that.  I feel so…”  Victor closed his eyes slowly then opened them.  “I’m angry.  If I knew about this, I might have avoided all of it, the pain, the hurt, the abuse.”

 

Yuuri shook his head slowly.  He reached for his computer and pulled up the photo from the Cup of Russia.  He turned the picture and showed it to him wordlessly.  Victor studied it, seeing himself eating popcorn, watching his friends skate, the blue eyes scanned the faces around...then all of the sudden everything clicked into place.  “He was stalking me.”

 

“Yes...I have a bad feeling that he would have found some way to get his hands on you one way or another.  And we may have had no idea who had you in that case.  That’s why I was being so careful with how I extracted you.  That’s why I created a diversion to make sure he was busy when I pulled you to safety.”

 

“I think...I’m going to be sick.”  Victor pushed off of Yuuri’s lap and the older man followed him to the bathroom, holding his hair back while Victor released what little was left in his stomach.  As Victor leaned back on his heels, he looked up to meet Yuuri’s eyes.  “I...didn’t mess up.  I didn’t bring him into my life, or the lives of my friends.  He was going to grab me either way.  Did Yakov know?”

 

“I shared quite a bit of information with him.  I knew he was my best ally in keeping you safe...or getting you to safety.”

 

Victor held out a hand, “When did you find out?”

 

Yuuri sucked in his breath, scared Victor would be as angry with him as he was with himself for not acting sooner, “After Nationals.  His face looked familiar and I started digging.”

 

“I was in too deep before I knew it...but I guess...it wouldn’t have mattered.”  Victor’s sad smile settled Yuuri; he would feel the guilt, but it would never be from Victor.

 

They sat on the bathroom floor, uncertain how to move forward, when they heard Mari outside the door.  “Someone needs to take the dog out!”  Her voice breaking through the tension in that flat, matter-of-fact tone she always used.

 

Victor giggled nervously as the last of the tension dissipated.  “I guess...that would be me.”

 

“Let me help you up.”  Yuuri pulled him to his feet.  They walked out hand in hand, and Mari raised an eyebrow.

 

“I don’t want to know,” she replied turning to walk down the hall.

 

They both ended up outside with Makkachin.  Yuuri was exhausted from his lack of sleep, and Victor was emotionally exhausted.  They were sprawled out on the table watching the dog decide just where she was going to pee.  “It sure would be nice if deciding where to pee was your biggest decision of the day,” Victor observed.

 

“I think it must be great to be a dog,” Yuuri replied.

 

Victor studied his dog considering the implications.  “It would depend on the owner.  I guess they are no better off than people.  Except, they don’t always get to choose.”  He remained quiet a bit longer before he added, “I guess I didn’t get to choose either.”

 

Yuuri reached across and squeezed his hand.  “Let’s go back to bed.  We are definitely overthinking this.”

  
  


* * *

  
  


They walked along the beach later that afternoon, after a long nap, then helping with lunch and laundry.  Practice was out of the question.  Victor felt too emotionally unsettled that day.  Yuuri was too drained.  As the Russian stared out over the ocean, he considered his situation.  “I’m angry...but I don’t know who I’m angry with.  I think...I should wait to call Yakov back.  I don’t want to say something I regret.”

 

Yuuri nodded, “Just don’t wait too long.  I’m sure he’s hurting, too.”

 

Victor softened, he knew everything Yakov did was from love...or utter frustration.  “I know...it’s sometimes hard to know the right thing to do.  I feel betrayed.  I don’t know what all this means about my relationship with Mikhail...if you can call it that.  I’m confused.  I feel sick in my stomach.”

 

Yuuri reached out and slipped his arm around Victor’s waist.  “I hope you aren’t blaming yourself in all of this.”

 

Victor frowned as he thought about it.  “For once, I’m not.  I just hope Mikhail didn’t know.  He’s a sick bastard...would he be that sick?”

 

_ Yes, but I pray you never have to know that.   _ Yuuri leaned against Victor’s shoulder, hugging him into his side.  “I do not see how he could have known.  Your father wanted to protect you from the organization, and he did an amazing job building fake identities for you and your mother.  There is nothing written tying to back to that name.”

 

“But I have his name from his alias,” Victor pointed out.

 

“Yes, but it’s not a known alias,” Yuuri countered.  “He never used it with his own family or their organization.  Nikiforov means nothing to them.”

 

Staring out across the waves, he murmured, “I followed my mother’s shoes in almost every way.  But...I refuse to let Mikhail to take my career away.  I refuse to be forced into hiding.  I want back on the ice tomorrow.”

 

Yuuri studied him for a moment appreciating his determination before he stated, “Let’s see where your head’s at.  If not the ice, then the dance floor.  We can work on choreography.”  He could see Victor’s displeasure at the compromise, but knew that the younger man would follow his lead in this.

 

They walked back to the onsen, Victor turning towards the kitchen where Hiroko could be heard humming.  Yuuri trailed behind him.  She looked up with a warm, welcoming smile.  “Vicchan, do you feel more together?”

 

He nodded then shrugged.  “It’s just...so much.  I feel like I don’t even know myself.”

 

“It’s the people who influence us that help us determine who we become,” she suggested.  “You were raised by a kind woman who chose good people to finish the job when she could not.  Perhaps...you focus on the good and let go of the bad.”

 

He smiled wanly.  “You make it sound easy.”

 

She smiled so wide her eyes practically disappeared behind the lenses, “No...not easy.  Letting go is never easy.  But...necessary.  Otherwise...our past continues to haunt us.”  She handed him a cup of tea as her eyes flicked towards the corner of the room.

 

Victor studied the cup breathing in the aroma.  “You always take care of me, Mama.” He stopped, bringing the cup under his nose, “What...kind of tea is this?”

 

Hiroko’s eyes worked their way back to his pale face, “Cinnamon and clove.  It balances against the lavender and chamomile.”

 

Victor smiled into a sip, “You always seem to surround me with familiar scents.”

 

“Scent is more powerful than people realize.  Some brings comfort, others bring memories.”

 

Victor drank from the cup allowing the scents to fill him in the process.  “I’ll now think of your kindness when I smell cinnamon and cloves.”  A gentle heart shaped smile filled his features.

  
  


* * *

  
  


As night fell, Victor curled up in their bed and stared off in the corner.  It felt shadowy and he shivered, pushing himself back into Yuuri, almost sorry he hadn’t taken the cold side of the bed against the wall.  “Is it possible to have too much information?”

 

Yuuri wrapped his arms around him.  “Sometimes it takes longer for us to parse through it and make it useful.  But no, I don’t think so.”

 

He turned onto his back to see Yuuri better.  “Would you think less of me if I asked for Douglas to sleep here?”

 

“No, not at all.  I encourage anything that brings you comfort.”  And to solidify that, he rose out of bed and walked over to the sofa where the rabbits now made their home.  “Any others?”

 

Victor smiled back at him.  “No.  They can hold down the fort over there.”

 

Yuuri returned and tucked the bunny into his arms.  “Is this better?”

 

Victor nodded bringing it up to breathe in the scent.  “This...makes me think of your mother’s teas.”

 

Yuuri leaned over and nuzzled in the space between Victor’s neck and the bunny breathing in the combination of scents.  “Mmmm...your mother probably put lavender in it to help you sleep.”

 

“Perhaps...too many nightmares.  I’ve always had an overactive imagination.”

 

Yuuri reached over and turned out the lamp, patting the bed to invite Makkachin to join them before pulling Victor into his embrace.  Victor wasn’t awake long.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Makkachin had woken moments before when the chill reached through her thick fur, it had stayed in its corner while the human talked, but then the long fingers started to pull from the space, not much but enough to put her on guard.  The poodle stared into the corner and growled lowly pulling Yuuri from his sleep and the the roots retreated back, but held firm and planted themselves there.  The Japanese man reached for the lamp and switched it on.  “What’s the matter, girl?”

 

The dog boofed towards the corner then stretched out protectively next to Victor, her eyes never leaving the corner.  Yuuri tucked the blanket up over Victor and walked over to investigate with a frown.  In the darkness of the room his eyes had an even harder time focusing.   _ The moon must be hiding tonight, the light can’t reach in like it usually does _ .  He saw nothing but could feel a decided chill in the area.  “I’ll talk it over with Mom in the morning.”

 

Returning to the bed, he saw where Douglas fell to the floor.  He reached down and settled the bunny between them on the bed like a guardian.  He reached over to turn out the lamp, but in the end left it on.  Settling back into bed, he turned towards Victor who snuggled into his warmth.

 

“Cold,” the Russian murmured, and Yuuri was startled to see the word come out as a puff of breath on the air.   _ It’s not that cold, it can’t be.   _ He wrapped his arms around Victor regarding the corner with a frown.  It seems to have shrunk since he gathered the troops to surround Victor, but he didn’t like it.  He knew his mother saw things others didn’t and wondered if she’d seen this...thing.

 

* * *

* * *

  
  


NOTES:  Supernatural elements...a  [ mare  ](https://gnosticwarrior.com/demons-who-feed-on-human-energy.html) was considered at one time a creature that fed on  energy and some are drawn to negative energy.  In Latin, they were often referred to as Incubi (male) and Succubi (female).  Although they are often associated with sexual energy, that is not necessarily the case.  The Japanese equivalent to this would be the  [ Kanishibari ](http://yokai.com/kanashibari/) .  It is all associated with sleep paralysis, which is not unusual for those who have lucid dreaming...a common thing among those who have active imaginations...which makes sense considering how easy it is to develop the fear in that imagination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to pull your eyes down. The note is above but it's easier to link in text.


	31. Unsteady

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's just a little shadow...right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to say...I really love that song.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this bit of magic today. I'm still fighting my cold, allergies, or whatever. Thankfully, I have a lot of stuff written already.
> 
> Thanks so much for the edits, both Magrathea and BluSkates. And if you haven't read their works, please do so.

* * *

 

[ Unsteady ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsVXnCGij5o)

 

Wearily, feeling the lack of sleep, Yuuri rolled out of bed.  It had been a rough night.  Even though Victor didn’t fully wake up, he fought in his sleep, and Makkachin was as worn out in her attempts to calm her human as Yuuri was.  However, as day broke Victor finally settled.

 

Yuuri rose and straightened the bedding as best he could without disturbing his partner.  He then invited Makkachin to join him downstairs.  Taking the poodle out, he watched her make her rounds before deciding on where to do her business.  He let her back inside and watched her run off to the kitchen.  He could hear his mother cooing at the poodle.   _ Clever girl knows where to find love and food. _

 

He went upstairs for a quick shower, afterwards pulling on running clothes.  Checking the bedroom again, he discovered Makkachin had returned and now stood watch over her human.  He shivered and glanced towards the corner.  The shadows seemed to have retreated in the morning light but left their chill.

 

Downstairs, he found his mother working in the kitchen to prep the main ingredients for the day.  She looked up and smiled at Yuuri’s entrance.  “Good morning, Yuuri.  I thought it would be Vicchan I’d see so early.”

 

Yuuri shrugged.  “He didn’t sleep well, so I left him sleeping.”

 

“Is the poor dear still upset?”  She dried her hands on the cloth hanging at her waist and started the kettle.

 

Yuuri sighed.  “He is...but I don’t think that is all.  Mom, do you still...see things?”  He watched his mother’s expression shift into something unreadable for a moment then open up slowly.

 

Studying the pot where the water boiled away, she took a towel and carefully removed it from the heat.  She then busied, “I don’t really talk about the things I see, you know that.”

 

Yuuri could tell she didn’t want to have this conversation.  She had never been uncomfortable with seeing the dead, only with the living knowing about it.  “I know.  But...I think...there are things that live in the shadows, aren’t there?”

 

She set a cup before Yuuri.  “Yes...of course.”

 

Yuuri studied the cup, his finger tracing around the rim watching the steam rise and fade.  “I think there is something in my room.  I can’t...quite see it.  Not like you.  But, the cold...I could see Vitya’s breath, Mama.  And Makkachin was very anxious.”

 

She tilted her cheek for a moment.  “Is it still...there?”

 

“Probably...but it seemed to...shrink back with the morning light.  Last night, Victor clung to his stuffed animal, I don’t know how but I think it’s something to do with the rabbit.”  Yuuri’s brow furrowed.  “Does this sound crazy?”

 

She sighed.  “Only to those who haven’t seen them.  Let’s see what you’ve found.”

 

Yuuri walked behind his mother as they climbed the stairs, a protective hand on her back even though she climbed these stairs more often than he.  Pulling the door aside, he led her into the room.  Victor was curled up around Makkachin, still asleep.  Hoping to leave the young man asleep, Yuuri whispered to his mother, “He didn’t settle down in his sleep until around daybreak.”

 

Yuuri led her over to the corner.  She cast her eyes about the room making note of any of the wards she had placed in the room when her son had returned.  Turning back, she knelt down and touched the floor’s surface.  It was cold under her fingertips, colder than the rest of the house.  Closing her eyes, she allowed herself to delve deeper feeling the room, the air, the...something.  Yuuri stood nearby, his hand protectively placed on her shoulder.  She stood up with a troubled expression.

 

Walking over to the bed, she gingerly lifted the bunny from Victor’s arms.  The boy turned and murmured the word “Mama” in his sleep.  Hiroko soothed his cheek until he quieted and rested easily again.  Pulling the bunny to her nose, she breathed in its scent, eyes closing as she collected the faint traces of aroma held within.  Tucking it back into Victor’s arms and with a final caress to the silver head, she motioned Yuuri to follow her out of the room.

 

They sat on the top step, Hiroko deep in thought.  “It’s an energy eater.  I don’t quite understand the attachment to your Vicchan, so I can’t remove it.  However, we can build more wards in your room to trap it into that corner until I can figure out the next move.”  She sighed, Hiroko liked puzzles, but not ones in which her boys were trapped.  She caught a whiff of lavender and remembered Victor’s charm, “In fact, that’s what that bunny is.  His mother either is a witch of sorts or had called upon one to help protect her boy.  That bunny has stitched up within it lavender, cinnamon, and cloves.  No one would think anything of it as it’s common enough to help children sleep.  But what it does is keep things at bay.”

 

Yuuri listened to his mother, putting the pieces together.  “So he’s...carried this with him for a long time.  Longer than Mikhail.”

 

“You thought this came from his association with that other man.”  She thinned her lips as she considered it.  “You may not entirely be wrong given our new information.  If this is a family curse, then it could definitely be attached to the other man as well.”

 

“A family curse…”  Yuuri wasn’t unfamiliar with the idea, but to think that Victor, so long separated from his family, could still carry a curse was hard to accept.

 

Hiroko sighed sadly, “People make strange deals for power, often ignoring the danger they are putting on their loved ones for generations.”

 

* * *

  
  


Victor pushed out of the dredges of sleep and frowned into the room.  He felt worn and tired as if he hadn’t slept at all.  Reaching across he felt the coolness of the empty side of the bed.  _  Yuuri must be already downstairs. _  Reaching for his phone, his eyes widened to see it was already approaching mid-morning.   _ We have practice today.  Why didn’t Yuuri wake me up? _

 

He moved to get out of bed and felt the ache of bad sleep wrench his back and calves.   _ I wonder how restlessly I slept. _  He put his bare feet on the floor and pulled his feet back up as he shivered at the cold seeping from the surface.  Checking his phone again, he frowned.   _ It’s not that cold out _ .  He pushed past it and went to the closet holding his clothes.  Makkachin stayed on his heels.

 

Still foggy from the lack of peaceful sleep he didn’t notice the way she dogged his steps.  A whine dragged his attention to the poodle.  “What’s wrong, Makka?”  The dog cast her eyes to the corner, whining again and backing into Victor as if to push him from the room.  Victor frowned, reaching for the bunny on the bed instinctively, his thoughts flying to his mother.  With his arms full, he slipped out of the bedroom.  After a shower, he ran down the stairs and found Yuuri below.  “I’m sorry I overslept,” he quickly apologized.

 

Yuuri chuckled.  “If it was a big deal, I would have woken you up.  I knew you needed sleep.”

 

Victor groaned collapsing next to him on the couch.  “I don’t think I slept well.  I’m so exhausted.  Maybe the carryover from yesterday.”

 

Yuuri ran an arm around his shoulder and leaned over to brush a kiss into his hair.  “So are you up for skating?”

 

Victor frowned.  “I think I’m too restless  _ not  _ to skate.”  After they had breakfast, Victor hesitated before following Yuuri up the stairs.  “I think the cooling is messed up in your room.  It’s really cold in there.”

 

Yuuri glanced back thoughtfully.   _ Cooling system… Oh. _  He let that convenient lie settle around them.  “I noticed that as well.  Maybe we’ll smoosh together in the little bedroom tonight.”

 

Victor flicked his eyes towards Yuuri’s childhood room, recalling the trauma the older man suffered there.  “Are you okay with that?”

 

Cocking an eyebrow, he reminded Victor, “I offered it to you from the beginning.  It’s just an extra room I make available to guests.  I’ve said something to Mom about the coldness.  She’s looking into it.”

 

“Your mom?” Victor questioned.  “That sounds like something more like your dad or Mari would take care of.”

 

Yuuri paused.  It was true, his mother wasn’t involved in the repairs.   _ Dammit, Victor...too sharp for your own good _ .  “No, but she knows who to call.  She was the only one up at the time.  I said something to her when I took Makkachin out.”

 

“Oh,” Victor answered as they packed their backpacks.  Victor started to settle the rabbit in bed, but felt himself pulling the stuffed animal to his chest wanting to keep the little form near him.

 

Yuuri smiled towards the other man, bending down to take the rabbit.  “Let’s take him with us.  If you need the extra support, then you should have it.”  Unzipping Victor’s pack, he added the bunny.

 

Victor looked up at him, his eyes wide.  “And Makka, too?”

 

“Absolutely,” Yuuri responded.  He leaned forward to brush his lips over Victor’s.  “You’ve had  a rough couple of days.  It’s going to take some time to get yourself back in order.”

 

They walked towards the rink, Victor’s low energy not lending him to a jog.  His eyes kept drifting towards the ocean and he instinctively tucked his hand into Yuuri’s elbow to make sure he didn’t stall along the way.  Yuuri had noticed how the little feet stuttered as the blue eyes met the ocean and he slowed his pace.  At some point, they stood still watching a gull loop around the lighthouse.

 

“The ocean brings you a lot of peace,” Yuuri observed.

 

Victor glanced towards him and smiled.  “Mama said I have a water spirit and that’s why I’m drawn to water in its various forms.”

 

“Was your mother...a mystic?”

 

Victor frowned as he thought about it.  “She had her peculiar ways.  My aunt was, though.  She was really my great aunt.  We’d sometimes visit her when there was a break in the season.  Aunt Polia was very...eccentric.  It was...very different.”

 

“Did she raise your mother?”

 

Victor nodded.  “She was orphaned really young and my aunt took her in until she was able to study ballet.  Mama studied at the Voganova Ballet Academy in St. Petersburg.”

 

Yuuri’s eyebrows darted up, that was one of most elite dance academies in the world.  Students who graduated were guaranteed spots in top ballet companies and many became primas on international stages.  “She must’ve been very talented.”

 

Victor nodded sadly.  “She should have never been forced to leave the stage.  Why couldn’t my father just leave her alone to begin with?”  The little voice grew in anger as he spoke.

 

Yuuri ran a soothing hand down his back in an attempt to quell the rage before it built.  “But then we wouldn’t have you...and I think you were more important to her.”

 

Victor hugged himself, his eyes sliding down the line of the beach before them.  “I’m not doing so well with this gift of life she gave me.”

 

Yuuri embraced the younger man from behind, “I disagree.  You’ve been fighting tooth and nail for it.  That seems to be honoring it quite well.”

 

Victor turned into Yuuri, resting his head on Yuuri’s shoulder, his hand on Yuuri’s heart.  “I feel off balance, Yuuri.  Unsteady.”

 

Yuuri held onto the man in his arms, his hand sliding down his back and rubbing soothing circles.  “I’d be more worried if you  _ weren’t _ off balance.  But I’m here, my family is here, and we’ll all help hold you up as long as you need to find your feet.”

 

The younger man breathed heavily, fighting tears, “I’ve got all of this emotion inside of me.  And there is this anger...I don’t know where to direct it.”

 

“We go to see Hashimoto tomorrow.  Perhaps...this is something to bring up with him.  And maybe, once you’ve worked through it with therapy, you can call Yakov.”  Yuuri didn’t want to push too much but he knew he would have to act as the voice to Victor until the younger man was able to reconnect with the coach that practically raised him.

 

Victor turned again in Yuuri’s arms, this time to face the ocean and he felt Yuuri hold onto him.  Finally, he whispered, “I’m afraid.  What if there’s more?”

 

“Then we’ll work through that as well, Vitya.  None of this changes who you are.”

 

Victor slid his hand over Yuuri’s where it rested over his stomach.  “I bet you never imagined I’d be this messed up when you spoke to me that first day.”

 

Yuuri tightened his hold.  “It was already too late for me that day.  I was already in love with you.”

 

Victor glanced back at him with a grin.  “Your communication skills suck.”

 

Yuuri chuckled.  “I’ve never found someone I wanted to hold onto before you.  I had to learn how to make that happen.  But...I eventually figured it out.”

 

“Yes...in time to get me out of my own mess.”  Victor teased himself, then became thoughtful, “Do you think...it’ll ever be normal for us?”

 

Yuuri followed his gaze along the beach as he considered the words.  “And what is normal...for us?”

 

Victor thought about it before saying, “I guess...I’ve never known what normal was...I’ve had a rather odd childhood.”

 

“But you turned out amazing,” Yuuri murmured.

 

Victor rolled his eyes.  “I wouldn’t go that far.”  After a pause, though, he added, “It’s nice you think so, though.”

 

* * *

  
  


They finally made it to Ice Castle, warming up and running through their routines.  Victor seemed to calm down when he felt ice under his feet.  As they walked back that afternoon, Victor said quietly, “I miss them...all of them.”

 

Yuuri flicked his eyes over to the younger man, hoping that this was a step forward to reach out to his family.  “I miss Detroit and my friends...but when I was there, I missed this place.  But...I think I’d miss any place where you were if I was without you the most now that I’ve had you in my life.”

 

Victor pouted.  “Dammit, Yuuri...now you’ve made me cry.”

 

He chuckled warmly.  “You’re going to start thinking my name is  _ Dammit Yuuri _ .”

 

“Well, since I’ve heard Mari use it so often as well, I’m not certain that it’s not,” he pointed out primly.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


When they arrived home, Yuuri offered to take their things upstairs leaving Victor free to visit with Hiroko.  Wandering into the kitchen, he watched her separate several ingredients and blend them into sachets, handling them with a quiet respect.  “What are you making?”

 

Her voice came out in a melodic lilt that often appeared when she worked with food or herbs. “Medicinal teas for a few of the neighbors.  It’s amazing how much medicine can be found in the things we grow.”

 

Victor inhaled the symphony of scents surrounding him, feeling calmer both through this and her presence.  “I wish there was medicine for all of this stuff in my head.”

 

She smiled gently.  “The head will work itself out as all of the pieces fall into place.  It’s the heart that has you struggling.”

 

He sat opposite her at the large butcher’s block table.  “It was so different from what I thought was the truth...I thought my father was a bad man.  But then, he is a bad man.  I’m so confused.”

 

She studied Victor for a long moment before she asked, “Do you think Sofu is a bad man?”

 

Victor’s eyes widened and he shook his head.  “No, of course not.  He’s always been kind to me.”

 

“Your father may not have had a choice in the direction his life took.  He gave you a choice.  He protected you from the violence he was brought up into.  It was a sacrifice to do this.  I don’t think that makes him a bad man.”

 

Victor considered her words.  “What do I do with all of this anger?”  He tapped on his heart with his wrist, tears were stalled in his eyes.

 

“Oh, Vicchan...that feeling is not anger.  You’re hurt.  And that...will heal in time.”

 

“I just...want it to go away.”  Victor pouted at what he felt was a stolen happiness, “I was moving forward, and now everything feels like it’s at a standstill.”

 

“It may feel that way but really, you’re still moving forward.  Maybe slowly, but still moving.”  She smiled towards him as she gathered her basket together.  He followed her to the door holding her basket as as she reached for the shawl to wrap around her shoulders.  “I want to deliver these to the people I’ve made them for.  Will you join me?” she invited.

 

They turned south from the onsen and Victor recognized this path.  The first stop was easy, a neighbor plagued with allergies.  Hiroko left her with the medicinal tea and strict instructions.  Saying goodbye, she teased Hiroko for walking about with such a handsome young man.  “Oh, he’s my future son-in-law,” she explained.

 

Victor blushed from the attention, watching the two women smile approvingly at him.  As they walked further, his steps fell in with hers and he asked, “Do you really think that?  Would Yuuri want to marry me after all of this trouble I’ve brought to him?”

 

Hiroko just laughed.  “He’s wanted to marry you from the moment he laid eyes on you.  I doubt any of that will ever change.  And what trouble have you brought?  A bad man sought you out, but that’s not your doing.”

 

They walked a few more steps, and Victor smiled, feeling the warmth of the dream forming around him.  He saw himself with Yuuri, both older, Victor coming home with a bag full of papers to grade, Yuuri pulling off his socks from the rink.  “I wouldn’t mind that...being married to Yuuri.”

 

“Nor would we.  We’d love for you to officially become family.  But I hope you know, dear, that to us, you already are.”

 

Victor continued to walk beside her, his cheeks pink, a smile on his lips enjoying the company of maybe his future mother-in-law.  As they drew further south, though, Victor’s feet froze, the smell coming up to meet him, musky, woodsy...reminding him of something.  Turning to Hiroko, he stated adamantly, “I can’t go there.”

 

“Whatever is wrong, Vicchan?” she inquired.

 

“There is a smell...and it makes me think of  _ Him _ ...of the medicine he used...when he...when he...he beat me.”  His voice became more hysterical as he pushed through the explanation, Hiroko listening to him patiently, capturing his wild hands from the air and holding them in hers.

 

She carefully turned him down the opposite way, guiding him away from the smell and tucking his arm in hers.  “Let’s talk about this...medicine.  It had a distinctive smell.  How...was it applied?”

 

“It was a salve.  He would...after...he’d spread it on the stripes.  He wanted to hide the scars.  I could never be perfect enough.”  He was in tears by this point and didn’t even notice she had turned him away from that neighborhood and was walking him back home.

 

“Do you think of the kitchen when you smell it?  Or something wild?”  She was getting his mind to work hoping to calm him.

 

Victor blinked, thinking, “The last one.  Like maybe I smelled it hiking once.”

 

Hiroko hummed in approval, “There is a gardener down that direction where I sometimes buy a number of healing herbs.  They likely grow the item that is upsetting you.”

 

“Hashimoto wants me to find out what it is so I can be desensitized to it.”  His voice steadier now, his breathing more even.

 

“That doesn’t seem too difficult.  I can think of a number of items it could be, but based on your description, I think I know what’s bothering you.  I’ll send Yuuri for it once we get you home, dear.”

 

A few more steps and she guided him inside.  Victor started breathing more easily as Yuuri came down to greet them.  “Is everything okay?”

 

“Vicchan and I went for a walk and we encountered a smell that was upsetting.”

 

Yuuri frowned thoughtfully as he gathered Victor close in his arms, comforting him with his presence.  “South?  We stopped jogging that direction.”

 

She smiled as she watched the two boys together, their love for one another so apparent.  “Why don’t you take Vicchan out to the garden with your father, Yuuri.  Then I have a little errand for you to run.”

 

* * *

  
  
  


In the garden, Victor watched as Toshiya carefully shaped the bush with little snips.  The young man’s mood was low and he got up, often moving around the garden looking for some place to settle when he located the lavender.

 

“Does the lavender make you smile, Vicchan?” Toshiya asked gently.

 

Victor ran his fingers through the purple blooms as he nodded.  “There’s something soothing about it.”

 

“Perhaps you’d like some for your room?  Go over to the bench and bring a pot.”

 

Victor quickly complied, dropping to his knees next to Toshiya at the small lavender field.  Soon they filled a pot full of the plant and watered it properly.  Victor carried the plant happily upstairs and started to take it into Yuuri’s room but then paused, thinking of the cold.  Walking backwards from the doorway, he decided to move it into Yuuri’s old room.

 

He opened the door and could tell the little room  was in a state of disarray.  The closet was open and Victor could see Yuuri had cleaned it out in a hurry.  Then he noticed his clothes had been  transferred over.  Looking around, he pieced it together, “Yuuri is moving us out of his bigger room.  The air conditioning must be in poor working order.”  He found a place for his plant then located Douglas on the bed.  Pulling the bunny into his lap, he smiled.  “This is cozy.”  He allowed his eyes to migrate around the room, settling on the posters.  He even spotted one of himself, sixteen and wearing a blue costume that resembled feathers.  Moving towards the desk, he studied the bulletin board above it.  Various treasures were tacked up.  Opening a thank you card, Victor smiled.  “This must be where Chris stayed.”

 

“It is,” supplied a voice behind him.  Victor leaned instinctively into his space.  “Perhaps you can tell me what it says.”

 

Victor chuckled looking back, “I didn’t even realize it was in French.  It says... _ thank you for finding me that night.  I don’t think I’d be here otherwise. _ ”  Releasing the card, he met Yuuri’s eyes with a sad expression.  “I was jealous and he was just...hurting.”

 

Yuuri walked forward, into the small room, “I was going to invite you to join me as well...but you said you had a training camp.”

 

“I did...and I don’t think I could have gotten out of it.  That was my extra income.”

 

Yuuri reached out a hand, “I wanted you here...just the same.”

 

Victor reached for the hands, letting his fingers play between Yuuri’s.  “So...we’re moving out?”

 

Yuuri nodded, glancing around the space.  “There’s a lot of positive energy here, too.  Mom thought it was a good plan.”

 

“I worried...because of what that boy did to you.”  Victor coaxed Yuuri into his space.

 

Yuuri stepped forward, “He...invaded but he didn’t displace me.  I reclaimed it by using it to help others...like Chris.”

 

Victor nodded, thinking of the strength Yuuri showed, hoping to echo that himself.  Then, recalling Hiroko’s task he asked, “What did your mother send you after?”  Victor wrinkled his nose in curiosity.

 

“It’s an herb...it’s called calendula in English.  It looks like a marigold.  When...you’re up to it, she’d like for you to smell it.  I brought others from the herbalist but Mom thinks this might be the smell that is bothering you.”

 

Victor nodded, moving towards the door.  “I think I’d like to know.”

 

Yuuri glanced around the room and smiled when he spotted the lavender.   _ That will help _ .  His mother had done a few things to help contain the...spirit.

 

Downstairs, Hiroko brought out the jar.  “Are you ready, Vicchan?”

 

He glanced at Yuuri, then took a steadying breath before nodding.  She removed the lid and he took a smell.  Almost immediately, he reacted and she quickly capped it.  “That’s it.”

 

“Good, now you can take it with you to see your doctor.  I can get more if you need it.”  She took the jar and wrote in careful penmanship what it contained before handing the jar over to Yuuri.  They would go tomorrow to Fukuoka and Hashimoto’s office.

  
  


* * *

* * *

  
  


NOTES:

Honey, Yarrow, Calendula, and Comfrey are common medicinal herbs used for wound care.  There are several combinations and salve  [ recipes  ](https://wellnessmama.com/3520/homemade-healing-salve/) as well as oils and poultices that use these ingredients.  Comfrey smells nasty and stains when it is made into a tincture.  However, I contacted a forum to find out what it smells like in a garden...which is a clean smell like cucumber.   Calendula is a type of marigold and smells musky, woodsy and is sometimes described as a rotting wood smell.  Yarrow smells like rosemary, oregano and other cooking herbs.  All of these herbs are grown commonly in Russia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't want you to miss the herbal notes above. I have a number of references here and it took a while to work out what I wanted to use in this.


	32. Something Just Like This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let’s talk about sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was bound to happen...

* * *

 

[ Something Just Like This ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4S5pqnv4EcE)

 

Small spaces carry their own sort of magic.  They wrap a protective embrace around their  occupants through the little touches creating the intimacy vacant in larger spots.  A pot with lavender.  A wreath of succulents and moss, hanging from the window on an iron hook.  Carvings down the door facing - words of luck and protection.  Mirrors hung above the door and the other on the opposite wall.

 

These were things Yuuri had grown up with, unconscious of their presence and their place in his life.  Wards, disguised as simple objects, that his mother put into place during the everyday motions of their lives, all to protect her family.  Wards that Yuuri had never thought of beyond their decorative quality, counting them as part of the house and nothing more.  Now Yuuri held to their magic, hoping that his mother’s skill would prove as successful as it had always been, having someone of his own to protect.

 

He walked into the room, quiet music played, inviting peace.  Victor had gone up before him and settled himself for the evening.  Yuuri looked at the younger man, freshly showered, his hair in a damp braid, his body clothed in loose pajamas.  He smiled as Yuuri came into the room, his body stretched across the bed, a book in hand.  This one looked Russian.  “Your mother brought fresh linens.   They smell like the heavy blankets in the big room.  Lavender.”

 

Yuuri thought about how the lavender infused blankets were on the opposite corner of the shadow.  He had followed her directives, helping her to build a stronghold against whatever had manifested itself in that corner.  Here, though, he noted the clean cottons on the bed then snorted at the towels to the side.   _ We’re not there yet, Mom...but thank you. _

 

“I think she brought those by mistake,” Victor responded seeing where his eyes rested.

 

Yuuri shook his head.  “She thinks we are…”  His voice faded as he glanced to the floor awkwardly.

 

Victor’s eyes held confusion then widened as he realized what Yuuri was telling him.  “Oh...she thinks we’re...oh god…”  The book in his hands snapped closed as if to accentuate his shock.

 

Yuuri snorted in laughter although his face was just as red as his partner’s.  “Well, we do…”  He indicated the bed.

 

“We just don’t…”  Victor’s voice faded holding the Japanese man’s brown eyes.  The slender chest shook as a deep breath fluttered in, then released.  “We don’t...but maybe…”  His eyes dropped, uncertainty causing him to shift.  “Why don’t we?”

 

Yuuri raised an eyebrow in amusement.  “I was informed that _ your  _ Yuuri wouldn’t go where he wasn’t invited.”  Seeing the little pale face brighten, he switched to a softer voice, “I wanted to give you the time you needed to heal.  I can wait as long as you need.”

 

Victor pulled his legs up into a butterfly, holding onto his feet and studying the quilt as he worked out his words.  Yuuri could see that lovely, heart-shaped mouth choosing his phrases.  “But you want me.”  It was framed as a question to which Victor knew the answer.  Still, Yuuri nodded his assent.  Victor looked up, his blue eyes soft as he reached for Yuuri with his hand.  Yuuri came to him, claiming a space on the bed next to the younger man.   Makkachin huffed and moved to the large pillow on the floor the couple had provided for the beloved pooch.

 

The Japanese man watched Victor, unsure where this was going.  Victor’s thoughts were turning and Yuuri could see the myriad of emotions working through his alternating expressions.  Delicate slender fingers played with the hem of Yuuri’s shirt.  Looking up to meet his eyes, Victor whispered, “I want you, too.”

 

Yuuri reached out to run his hand up Victor’s arm, needing the contact while he chose his own words.  “I don’t want to push...I’m afraid of us moving too fast, too far,” Yuuri said softly.  “We...need to talk.”

 

The corners of Victor’s lips jerked into a quick smile.   “That’s what we are doing.  Establishing...new boundaries.”

 

Yuuri nodded, his eyes dropping into the lap of the other man but hands staying on the warm skin, refusing to retreat.  “It’s just...I haven’t.  Not since him.”

 

Victor frowned, stilling his hands on the shirt, not wanting to upset Yuuri.  “He doesn’t exactly count, Yuuri.  You didn’t have a choice.”

 

“By that rule, neither does…”  Yuuri stopped, unwilling to say his name, unwilling to invite Him into this space, into this moment.  Victor flicked his eyes up in understanding.  “I want...you to always know we can stop.”

 

Victor inhaled the scent of Yuuri with those words.  “I think that needs to go both ways, Yuuri.  We’ve both been hurt.  I don’t know how I’ll respond.”

 

“I...don’t either,” Yuuri whispered, his fingers now playing with the hem of Victor’s shirt.  “I want to make sure we are communicating.”

 

“What do you have in mind?”

 

Yuuri glanced down, feeling shy.  He felt Victor’s hands sliding over his thighs, grounding him.  “Chris knew we’d...have some difficulties.  He knows some of what I went through...and he’s probably guessed the rest.”

 

“He...knows about me, too,” Victor confirmed.

 

Yuuri swallowed nervously, but brought his eyes up to meet Victor’s gaze.  “He...suggested we use colors to check in with each other.  Even if we are doing normal stuff.  He uses it...with his partner when they are...intimate, even sometimes when they aren’t.”

 

Victor frowned at the words.  “I...don’t know what you mean by colors.”

 

Yuuri thinned his lips, but smiled.  “It’s like a traffic light...red, yellow, green.  If I ask you your color...well, if you say  _ green _ , you’re telling me you’re good, that I can keep going.  Yellow means we need to pause and talk or slow down.  Red means something is wrong, to stop.  When I check on you, when you need to break into the moment and tell me.”

 

“So...if I need to slow down, I just say  _ yellow _ ,” Victor confirmed.  Yuuri nodded, but was caught when the younger man pushed adamantly, “But it needs to go both ways.”

 

“Always,” Yuuri answered, a blush going into his cheeks not expecting to be brought into focus.

 

Victor processed those words for a moment.  He pulled his hands back from Yuuri and wrapped them around his body.  Yuuri could see the self-doubt creep up the body, shrinking into itself.  “I...may be messed up…”  Victor could feel himself trembling, inadequate and undeserving.

 

Yuuri reached out to him, his fingers tracing down Victor’s chin, lifting it so their eyes met.  “You’re not,” Yuuri argued.  His hand went up to cup Victor’s cheek feeling the younger man lean into his touch.

 

Victor’s lip trembled but he held the gaze.  “But he...what he did to me.  It wasn’t...normal.”  He grew quiet, deciding what to share.  He knew Yuuri was a safe place but didn’t want to hurt the older man, either.  “I want...to talk about it.”

 

“You don’t have to,” Yuuri said softly.  “But if you want to…”

 

“I want to...but...are you okay with it?” Victor asked, questioning eyes searching him out.

 

Yuuri held his eyes steady as he answered, “I will listen to anything you want to share, Vitya.  No matter how painful.  I just want you to know I don’t...require it.”

 

Victor nodded, his eyes darting down, his expression vulnerable.  “H-he wouldn’t let me...Yuuri, I didn’t want to but...it was painful.  I didn’t know that...you could use sex to torture someone.”

 

Yuuri worked hard to keep his expression neutral, his breathing calm.  Moving to lean against the wall, he parted his legs and invited Victor into his space.  Victor turned, leaning against him, his back resting in Yuuri’s secure hold.  Yuuri’s arm snaked around his waist and rested on the flat of Victor’s tummy.  In the safety of Yuuri’s arms, Victor continued.

 

“He would make me wait for permission,” Victor said softly.  “Sometimes he wouldn’t let me at all.  And if I...by accident...my punishment would be horrible.”

 

“He denied your orgasm,” Yuuri provided.

 

Victor nodded, his hands shaking until they settled over Yuuri’s.  “Since then, I’ve tried.  On my own.  I can’t, though.  Not by myself.  I think...he’s messed me up, and now I might not...be able to...be normal.”

 

Yuuri tightened his arms as he thought of a way to establish that normalcy to this conversation.  “Sometimes events like this can...reprogram us.  He established a protocol.  Like an if-then-else statement.  If I give you permission, then you can come, else you continue or abort.”

 

Victor listened patiently as Yuuri tried to make the connection to something more benign than the abuse that Victor described.  Frowning, he considered those words analytically.  “So...I have to establish...a new protocol?”

 

“Or reestablish the old...he’s inserted an interruption and reinforced it through rewards and punishments.  Pain teaches quickly.  I...won’t use pain.  Because of that it will take longer for you to establish a new routine.”

 

“So...I can be fixed?” Victor pressed.

 

Yuuri thinned his lips and gave Victor a squeeze.  “You’re not broken, Vitya.  You are just processing the information differently.”

 

“So...I may need more...input,” Victor said quietly.  He leaned his head back to rest on Yuuri’s shoulder.  “There’s more, though.”  Staring up at the ceiling, he murmured, “I don’t like to be held down or restrained.  I’m not fond of...being spanked.”  His eyes glazed as he thought back.

 

“There are many who don’t like those things.  There are some that need those things.  Then there are those that lie somewhere in the middle.”  Yuuri’s hand moved up and down in a steady rhythm over Victor’s abdomen grounding him.  “I know you have more of a reason now...but it could be that you didn’t like these things before.  And Victor those are  _ not  _ things that I want to do.  I have know interest in causing you pain.”

 

Victor relaxes as he considered Yuuri’s words.  “I couldn’t talk about this before, Yuuri.  Not with you.  Not with anyone.  But now...it’s just facts.  It happened to me.  I want to move past it.  To keep moving forward.”

 

“That’s why it was important for you and me to see Hashimoto-sensei.  You’ll probably discover more things you can’t do, either temporarily or forever.  So will I.  These will establish our hard and soft lines, things we don’t want to do and things we are open to trying after we talk about them first.  That’s why I wanted us to use something to let us clearly communicate.  I...never want to hurt you, Vitya.”

 

“I don’t want to hurt you, either, Yuuri.”  Victor turned in his arms snuggling into the turn of his neck.  “Can we do small things at first?” he murmured.  “Just push the boundaries back little by little?  I...didn’t get that...before.”

 

“Yes,” Yuuri readily agreed, his fingers sliding over Victor’s cheek.  “That would be best.  I...have no idea what my boundaries are.”

 

Victor wiggled against Yuuri, nuzzling kisses around Yuuri’s neck towards his ear.  He could feel Yuuri tremble against him, shaky hands sliding down his back.  “Color?” he whispered just to check.

 

A small smile touched Yuuri’s lips as he stammered out, “G-green.”

 

“Can I touch you?”  Victor’s fingers edged around the hem of Yuuri’s shirt, his eyes studying Yuuri’s face.

 

Yuuri nodded but Victor stilled, pulling back to search him out.   “Y-yes,” Yuuri supplied, his breathing unsteady.

 

“Will you touch me?”  As he asked, he guided Yuuri’s hand to the hem of his own shirt.

 

Yuuri’s hand reached just beneath the fabric as he groaned “yes” before seeking Victor’s lips.  He easily gave Victor charge, letting the younger man take the lead and set the initial boundaries.

 

Victor moved impossibly closer, his hands sliding beneath the fabric of Yuuri’s shirt, breaking the kiss to pull it over Yuuri’s head.  The Russian kissed his lips before dipping down to his neck, licking at the hollow of his throat.  A moan tore from Yuuri in response, his eyes becoming heavy lidded as Victor lowered down to capture his nipple between his teeth.  Yuuri’s breathing hitched at the sensation created.  Victor chuckled against his skin before pulling up and nodding towards the towels.  “Should we do something with those?”

 

Yuuri nodded shakily not trusting his voice and moving to climb off the bed.  He knew the way his mother infused the bedding with lavender took some time and respected that.  Pulling the quilt back, he spread the towels over the sheet.  He then stood awkwardly next to Victor who watched curiously.  “It’s either this or changing out the sheets.”  Yuuri glanced around and found an old blanket.  He pulled it over in case they wanted it to cover up.  Victor continued to watch the process so Yuuri crawled back into bed and turned to face him.  Yuuri began to chew his lip nervously, not sure why Victor was hesitating.

 

Victor touched his lip thoughtfully before moving to his bag.  He began to rummage through it and Yuuri watched curiously.  Victor then returned with a small container of lubricant.

 

“Why do you...in your bag?” The corners of his mouth crooking up.

 

Victor shrugged nonchalantly.  “I saw it in the machine...and I figured we’d eventually get here.”  Laying the container to the side, he reached down to the hem of his shirt.  Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes and pulled it over his head in quick tug, abandoning it to the floor.  He opened his eyes cautiously, afraid of Yuuri’s reaction to his body, to his scars.  The vision before him erased that fear instantly.  Instead he was treated to Yuuri licking his lips then reaching for him, eyes clouded in desire.  Releasing his breath, Victor crawled across the bed to meet him.  Yuuri’s hands slid down Victor’s back.  There was no stillness, no hesitance to his touch like Victor dreaded.  There was no pity in those eyes, just tenderness.  Victor closed his eyes as Yuuri ducked down to brush kisses along Victor’s chest, his tongue dancing around a barely pink nipple.  Victor’s lips parted in response, his hands holding Yuuri to his chest.

 

Yuuri suckled and explored, all of this new to him, seeking to find what his lover enjoyed, mirroring the moves that had enthralled him moments ago.  Hands roved down Victor’s back and over his pajamas to cup his ass.  “No, Yuuri...touch me.  I need you...on my skin,” Victor whined.  Yuuri rolled Victor back onto the bed and slid his hands down, Victor’s tilted hip helping him to remove the sleep pants and toss them to the side.  Victor lay beneath him, open and on display.  He should look vulnerable.  He should try to hide shyly.  Victor knew the look he was supposed to give, the shy boy, unsure of himself, unready.  Victor...smirked, that wasn’t him any longer, it never really was.  “Are you going to just look at me?” he invited.

 

Yuuri swallowed.  “I...don’t know where to start,” he confessed.

 

Victor sat up reaching for him.  His fingers teased the waistband of his running pants.  “We can start by removing these.”  He didn’t want to push to much, but he wanted Yuuri, knew Yuuri wanted him.  A little coaxing to put him in motion once more.

 

Yuuri rose up on his knees and felt Victor’s hands drawing them down, hands grazing over his ass and thighs in the process.  His breath was shaky, his thoughts on fire as he mentally followed the younger man’s touch.  He returned with his hands once more, traveling over the back of Yuuri’s thighs then ass before sliding around to go up his chest as he settled into Yuuri’s arms.  “Where are you?” he whispered as he studied the brown eyes.

 

“Ummm, g-green,” he answered.

 

Victor’s eyes sharpened as he studied the man before him.  “Are you sure?”

 

Yuuri swallowed.  “Yellow,” he confessed.

 

Victor clicked his tongue, stilling but not removing his hands.  “You have to be honest with me.  What’s going on?”

 

“I...don’t know what I’m doing.”  Yuuri’s anxiety was starting to build up in him and Victor could see it dancing over his skin.

 

The younger man reached out gently, his fingers soft as they ran down his arms.  He leaned in and brushed his lips over Yuuri’s nipping at the older man’s chin as he released.  “It’s a dance...one where we can trade leads as we feel brave.  There are no set rules.”

 

Yuuri brought a trembling hand up Victor’s side, firming his hold.  “I never want to hurt you,” he whispered.

 

“I know you don’t, Yuuri...just touch me.  Feel me.  Taste me.  Get to know me.”  He then fluttered his hands down the surface of Yuuri’s skin, before leaning forward to whisper in his ear, “Love me.”

 

Yuuri gasped softly, and felt himself surrendering over to Victor, feeling Victor’s fingers skate across his body, dancing through the planes, twirling through the valleys.  Yuuri reached his own hands up and slid over the younger man, finding the subtle muscle tone, the lean lines, watching Victor lean into his touch, his lips parting in response, soft gasps and moans answering.

 

“I need you, Yuuri,” he whispered, grinding slowly into his thigh, seeking friction.  Yuuri’s hand fluttered down to his hip, anchoring as Victor sought his pleasure on his lover’s body.

 

“I’m yours,” Yuuri whispered leaning in to press small kisses down Victor’s jaw.  He nipped at the younger man’s earlobe to receive a shuddering sigh in response.

 

Victor reached for the small bottle beside him and squeezed some lube onto his fingers offering it to Yuuri who followed his movements.  He warmed the slick liquid between his fingers and smiled as Yuuri mimicked him.  “Have you not touched yourself with lube?”

 

Yuuri blushed.  “I have...I just...not anyone else.”

 

Victor reconsidered the next step, something to make his lover more sure of himself.  “Then, touch yourself.  Show me what you like,” he suggested softly, leaning in to nip at his lover’s chin.

 

Yuuri swallowed, reaching down to draw his fingers down his length.  He felt Victor’s head resting on his chest, could feel those eyes trained on him, watching him intently.  Tentative fingers became more confident as his lips parted and he became more intent on the pleasure.  Victor pulled up and kissed him.  “Trade me,” the blonde whispered.

 

He realized Victor had been doing the same, masturbating while watching Yuuri.  Those long fingers danced along Yuuri’s length causing Yuuri to gasp.  The other hand reached for Yuuri’s and guided it to grasp Victor, covering it with his hand until Yuuri felt his courage return.  Touching Victor, being touched by Victor, Yuuri felt his pleasure mount, coiling within him, moving down him.

 

“So close,” the Japanese man breathed.

 

“Me, too,” Victor keened softly.  “Please...help me, Yuuri.”  Victor’s hands became more frantic and Yuuri was coming undone.  Victor’s lips parted, “Please Yuuri...I need to…”

 

Yuuri saw the struggle in Victor’s face, the strained expression, the pinch in his voice.  Then it clicked...what Victor needed...and he whispered against the shell of Victor’s hear, “Come for me,  _ anata _ .  I want to see you.”  Turning his attention downwards, he watched, felt, heard Victor come apart in his hands, a soft cry filling the air as he spilled in the space between them.  Victor continued to tease Yuuri out and the older man tightened his hold on him, seeking and receiving a kiss as he released his pleasure across his belly.  They continued to kiss lovingly, soft kisses, promises between them as they came down from their orgasm.

 

Victor tucked his head beneath Yuuri’s chin.  “That’s...how I thought it would be,” he whispered.  Yuuri worried the younger man would retreat into himself, but he remained in that moment with him.

 

Yuuri released a shaky breath, still too full of emotion to speak, brushing a kiss into Victor’s hair.  He held the younger man close to him knowing that he could feel Yuuri’s heart beating through his chest and needing that closeness and warmth.  Finally, he found words.  “I only imagined it with you...but...I never imagined...so much.”

 

Victor trembled as he lifted his head.  “Me, neither.”  He sought Yuuri’s lips and they traded kisses enveloped in one another.  And for a long time they didn’t move.  Until itchy, sticky skin demanded it.  “Ugh...can we shower?” Victor asked.

 

Yuuri chuckled.  “We can definitely shower.  And clean this up before I have to deal with Mari.”

 

They snuck into the hall, the silence of the house telling them all were asleep.  Naked, they found their way into the bathroom, not willing to let the other go for a moment.  Under the hot water, they rinsed off, soap spread between them, bodies finally clean.  They dried one another and tossed the towels into the laundry chute before streaking back to the bedroom hand in hand.

 

In the room, they stripped the towels from the bed, making a laundry pile to deal with in the morning.  Ignoring clothes, they settled into one another’s warmth.  Yuuri took the wall.  Victor curled into his embrace.  A soft sigh settled over them as the weight of the blanket warmed their bodies.

 

“Yuuri…” the younger man whispered softly.  “Will you be my home?”

 

“You are already mine, Vitya,” he spoke in a soft reply.  “My home, my life, my love.”

 

Victor snuggled into Yuuri further.  “I don’t care where we are...as long as I’m with you.  I...don’t want to return to Russia.  Not to live.”

 

Yuuri’s hand tightened against Victor’s skin.  “Are you sure?  That’s...where you are from...your family is there.”

 

Victor breathed against him, and Yuuri knew he was battling through fear and love.  “I know...and they will always be my family.  But so are you.  And I don’t think I can bear being apart from you for long periods of time.  Not now...that I’ve known you.  I need you, Yuu-tan.”

 

Yuuri gasped at the familiarity before diving in to kiss him.  “I’m yours,” he returned.  “Vic-tan,  _ anata _ ...only yours.”

 

“I know that’s...used in privacy.  I like the idea of such an intimate name for the two of us.”

 

“So...do I.”  Yuuri’s voice broke and he covered it by going in for another kiss.  He settled back, pulling Victor impossibly closer and feeling the younger man snuggle in, his knee sliding between Yuuri’s legs, his head tucking under Yuuri’s chin, their bodies touching one another all the way down.

 

“Good night, Yuu-tan…” Victor murmured.  They both soon found sleep only interrupted when a large poodle decided the bed was big enough for three.  The other two didn’t disagree and at least one hand reached down to play with the dog’s curls before returning to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading!
> 
> And thanks, Magrathea and BluSkates, for the edits.


	33. Stronger than We Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Move over, Darling...Victor Nikiforov is here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, things are moving slowly here. But here's another lovely GY chapter. Enjoy!
> 
> Thanks, Blu and Mags, for the edits!

* * *

 

[ Stronger than We Know ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GAcrcfcRwfY)

 

  
  


Victor rolled over to the sound of a text coming through.  He opened it and saw word form Georgi.

 

**Georgi/ Volkov has been listed as “Missing, Presumed Dead.”**

 

**Georgi/ Yakov wants you to come home.**

 

Victor sighed, but felt no rush to respond.  Georgi was frantic in his relationships, but he was a surprisingly steady as a friend.   _ Possibly why you end up there so often.   _ He rolled over and handed his phone to Yuuri who was looking over his shoulder.  Yuuri frowned at the information.  “There’s been no body recovered,” Yuuri murmured.

 

“I know.  I...wouldn’t feel safe returning...and that’s no longer my home.”  Victor shuddered, Yuuri had read his thoughts, he would never feel safe, not until he knew he was gone for good.

 

Yuuri frowned as he listened to Victor.  “I know you say that...and I want you to know that I want you to make your home with me.  But...not because you’re running from something but rather towards something.”

 

Victor curled up in his arms.  “It’s just...I don’t know how I feel about Russia.”

 

Yuuri felt the doubt crawling all over the slight form in his arms, “And that’s what I mean.  I can make my home anywhere they will let me have ice.  I have a home here with my family, another in Detroit with Phichit.  If you needed to be in Russia...if you  _ want  _ to be in Russia, we could work something out, make another home there.  A bicontinental living arrangement if necessary.”

 

“So...you think I should wait to decide,” Victor determined, pulling up to look into the deep brown eyes.

 

Yuuri moved in to kiss his cheek.  “I do...but I will be with you for as long as you’ll have me.”

 

Victor rolled his eyes.  “So...forever?”

 

Yuuri chuckled.  “You say that now...but in six months you may be ready to kick me out.”  He moved the top of his foot against the back of Victor’s leg, and he watched as Victor’s eyes fluttered at the contact.

 

“Do you have some horrid habits you’ve been hiding from me?” Victor teased, fingers tickling through light touches along the arms of the strong man holding him.

 

Yuuri nuzzled into the back of his neck then kissed the skin he uncovered.  “Maybe...tickling you awake, kissing you until you fall asleep, loving you until you beg me to stop.”

 

“I always want you to love me,” Victor whispered turning to face him.  “I...don’t want to leave you.”

 

Yuuri saw the desperation in the face, their flirting quickly turned to something more serious in Victor’s urgency.  “I’m offering to follow you.  At least, go to Russia and see how you feel about it.  And maybe...talk to Yakov to sort out things with him.”

 

“I’m still mad...but I don’t think I’m mad at him.”  Victor’s head tucked under Yuuri’s chin.  “If I’m mad at him, I’d have to be mad at Mama.  It’s just a bad situation.  I’m mad at the situation.”

 

“And that’s fair.”  Yuuri stroked the fair locks, the braid having come loose during the night.

 

Victor sighed, his voice still edged with concern, “So...what do we do about the  _ missing, presumed dead  _ business?”

 

Yuuri rolled onto his back, pulling Victor to lay on his chest.  “I’m going to put Phichit onto the chatter and see what he uncovers.  Until then, I want us to stay put.”

 

Victor quirked his head up, blue eyes bright, “Maybe we can at least...not cover up when we go to Fukuoka?”

 

Yuuri frowned as he considered it.  “I’d want us to increase our guard from four to six.”

 

“I...don’t want to be an inconvenience,” Victor murmured turning on his side.

 

Yuuri leaned over to press a kiss into a shoulder before saying, “You’re not.  I’m just...overly cautious.  My mind is going to go to the worst case scenarios.”

 

* * *

  
  


The trip to Fukuoka was different.  Victor and Yuuri both clad in jeans.  The Russian in dark blue designer jeans paired with a deep red long sleeve t-shirt hanging just below his belt line.  It had an attached hood and the sleeves vented to allow air through the mesh like fabric.  His hair was pulled back in a ponytail.  Yuuri wore a dark blue button up that matched well with the fade on his jeans.  He had his blue rimmed glasses perched on his nose.  His hair fell messily around his ears. 

 

As they rode the train into the city, Victor played with his hair even as Yuuri rested an arm casually around his back.  “What if I cut it?”

 

Yuuri raised an eyebrow.   _ This came out of nowhere.   _ “Your hair?”  Victor nodded.  “Is that what you want?”

 

Victor shrugged, “I’m just thinking about it.”

 

“Are you just wanting a change or is there something more to this?”  Yuuri worked slowly, wanting to see if this was an action or reaction.

 

“I just...everyone still sees a child when they look at me.  I’m the  _ Darling of Russia _ .”  Victor tossed the strands he held behind him.  “Maybe...I want to be seen as more.  Maybe I want to be taken more seriously.”

 

Yuuri thinned his lips.   _ This is about him, at least.   _ “And you think cutting your hair will do all of that?”

 

“It’s symbolic.  Like rebranding.  The long hair was part of the  _ Darling of Russia _ brand.”  Victor made air quotes with his fingers and rolled his eyes, speaking of his former skating persona.

 

Yuuri smiled at the antics, “And what would your new brand be?”

 

“The new face of figure skating,” Victor challenged with a raised eyebrow.

 

Yuuri laughed.  “Okay?  I think you’ve already made your mark.”

 

“You are referred to as Japan’s Ace.”  Victor nudged Yuuri with his elbow playfully.

 

Yuuri shrugged.  “I don’t know if that’s my brand.  It’s what they, the press, some of the advertisers, call me.  I never really considered my brand.  I have sponsors who back me because of my skill and the attention it brings to their product...or they are fans of the sport.”

 

“So...don’t worry so much about branding?”  Victor chewed his lip.  He had been speaking in terms for branding, but what he wanted was self-fashioning, recreate himself as he saw himself now.

 

“That’s a conversation to have with your publicist and managers,” Yuuri pointed out.

 

Victor huffed.  “All of this leads back to Russia.”

 

“You, at least, have to tie up loose ends,” Yuuri stated quietly.  “But you do not have to go alone.  In fact, I would rather you not.”

 

“I’d like you to come with me...but you have your own training to put in order and college.”  Victor fidgeted his hands in his lap.

 

Yuuri considered his next words before speaking.  “Come with me to Detroit.  There, we can see how you feel about the campus, the rink, Coach Celestino.  I can get things in order for my next term and lay my choreography out for my coach.  You can look at entrance exams and decide if that’s something you really want to do.”

 

Victor smiled, eyes brightening at the prospect, “And after?”

 

“We will go to Russia with at least half a dozen bodyguards.  Do you think Yakov will put us up?”

 

Victor nodded.  “Yes...I have my apartment...I’ll have to decide what I want to do with that.”  Thinking quickly he added the constant request, “Can I bring Makkachin?”

 

Yuuri smiled warmly.  “I think we can work something out.  Once we are finished in Russia, we can come back here and pack up for the term.”

 

“Yakov is not going to take it well,” Victor stated.

 

Yuuri couldn’t argue with him about that.   _ He doesn’t strike me as one that works on the other party’s terms.   _ “He’ll take it better if you haven’t cut him out of your life.  He is your family, after all.”

 

* * *

  
  
  


In Hashimoto’s office, Victor sat on the sofa, legs butterflied and elbows on his knees.  A teacup settled into the palm of Victor’s hand as he shared the revelations of the week.  Finishing up, he handed over the jar with the triggering scent.

 

“Even though you’ve had a harrowing week, you seem to be processing the matter in a very healthy way,” Hashimoto observed.

 

“I had Yuuri and his mother both helping me to work through it.  I was disgusted, shocked.  And the afterwards, I was so angry,” Victor stated with a solemn expression.  “I didn’t know where to direct my anger.  I was mad at Yakov...but only because I thought all of my other pain could have been avoided.  Then Yuuri showed me proof that I was being stalked…”

 

Hashimoto considered the next words carefully, not wanting to scare the young man.  “It is possible if you fought him, the results could have been more catastrophic.  In those situations, your goal is to survive and try to get word out to someone who can help you.”

 

“Yuuri said if he took me before we learned who he was, it would have been harder to find me.  I got myself out...but who knows how he would have kept me locked down if he had to steal me away.”

 

The therapist thinned his lips but nodded in agreement.  “He may be right.”

 

Victor sighed and took a sip from his cup while his thoughts formed.  “I thought all that time that I had messed up...but maybe as horrible as it was, it was the best case scenario.”  Victor frowned.  “I don’t find that overly comforting.  Why do I have such bad luck?”

 

Hashimoto took a sip from his own cup before answering.  “I’m not a strong believer in luck.  Bad things happen to good people...simply because there are bad people out there.  The more in the spotlight you live your life, the more you live close to bad territories...both of those up your chances of encountering bad people.”

 

“And I had both of those going for me.  Lucky me,” he responded with an eye roll.  “I’m...thinking about cutting my hair,” he declared out of the blue.

 

Hashimoto’s eyes widened and he sat back in his chair but kept his voice light, “Are you now?  What does cutting your hair represent?”

 

Victor shrugged, “I talked earlier about it to Yuuri, talking about rebranding and all of that.  But really...it just represents a fresh start.  A clean slate.  I want to clear the air.”

 

“Sometimes symbolic actions are necessary.”  Hashimoto watched the pale face.  There were no signs of mania, nothing of obsession.  “Some people write all of the bad things going on in their life on pieces of paper and burn them.  Others start a new journal.  Still others look for a completely fresh start by moving.  I think cutting your hair could be rather cathartic.”

 

Victor smiled, “Me, too.”   _ Finally, someone gets it. _

 

“Is there anything else you want to get into the open before we work through this scent trigger?”

 

Victor studied his cup for a moment before he took a deep breath and dove in.  “Yuuri and I...we’ve become more...intimate.  Which is good.  And we’re talking…”

 

Hashimoto waited a moment to see if he would continue before interjecting, “But?”

 

“I know we are going to have struggles.  We both have things in our past that will affect us in that way.  But...I already know one of mine.”  Victor squirmed a little in his seat but settled himself again, pressing forward.  “I...can’t find my own release.  I have...to be told.  Yuuri likened it to being reprogrammed with a subroutine inserted to interrupt my normal process.”

 

Hashimoto nodded, “That sounds like a fair analogy.  How do you feel about this?”

 

Victor huffed out, “I want...to be my old self.  I need to work through it but...I want to include Yuuri into the conversation.  Because...I think we’ll have more of these things come up.  Except...I think we may be moving soon.  Yuuri has to go back to school.  And I need to decide what I’m going to do.”

 

“Well, if you’re in Detroit, I’ve already put Yuuri in touch with a friend of mine.  Dr. Cara Bishop.  I think you’d work well with her.”  Hashimoto spoke quickly, allowing Victor to feel the normalcy of the move, and appreciate that a plan was in place for his recovery to continue.  “If you end up elsewhere, I’ll do my best to find a good referral for you.”

 

Victor smiled and nodded, “I’m thinking Detroit.  But Yuuri says I need to return to Russia and make sure that’s what I want.”

 

“It’s always good to properly close one chapter before opening another.”

 

Victor’s lips quirked at the book analogy.  “I know I want to skate for a few more years but...I think I want to study literature, maybe teach college, maybe write stories of my own.  I have other things I can do.  I enjoy designing costumes.  I could do that on the side depending on what Yuuri is doing.  But...I think I shouldn’t pick my career based on his.  I should do what I want with my life and let the rest work itself out.”

 

“That sounds like a healthy approach.  You’ve done a lot of thinking this week.”  Hashimoto sat forward studying the young man, the progress has been strong, even in the face of the upset.

 

Victor nodded.  Not just that week...but it seemed like everything came together at once.  They spent the next hour working through desensitizing him to the smell.  Victor walked out of the office exhausted.  Yuuri guided him back to the train hand in hand.  Victor leaned on his shoulder for the trip back to Hasetsu.

  
  


* * *

  
  


That evening they walked along the beach.  Victor revisited the idea of his hair.  “I think I want to cut it.  It feels like...part of my childhood.  I want to let that go.”

 

“Not all of your childhood was bad,” Yuuri pointed out.  He didn’t want to discourage Victor, but this felt like a big decision for the younger man.  His hair was part of what defined him.

 

“So many people still see me as a child, someone to be protected.  And maybe...I was.  But now I’m stronger.”  Victor looked out at the sea, calm in the evening.  “I’ve come through a hard experience.  But still...people have expectations of me.  If I go back to Russia, I would still be the kid brother at the rink.  I would still be the  _ Darling of Russia _ .  I think I need to change expectations by doing something unexpected.”

 

Yuuri tipped his head and stared at Victor intently.  “You’ll...look very different.”

 

Victor shrugged.  “I’m going to cut my hair and give myself a new appearance.  Child Victor had long hair and could be directed.  Adult Victor takes in consideration what he’s being told but makes his own decisions.  It’s reimaging but...I think I need to do this.  I want to do this before I return to Russia.  I need them to see me as a different person, someone who can stand on his own two feet.”

 

Yuuri smiled at that explanation.  And the determination.  He was working it out but deciding for himself.  Standing up, they walked back to the onsen.  “I’ll need to look at contracts,” Victor continued.  “Some of the modeling contracts dealt with my hair.  Sponsorships may have stipulations.  But if there are no restrictions, I’m going to cut it.”

 

Back upstairs, Victor dug out the contracts.  Most were in Russian or French, so he was on his own in reading through them, but those in English, Yuuri could dig through.  They came up with no current stipulations on hair length; the one haircare ad contract was already completed.  

 

* * *

  
  


Two days later, they walked into a stylist Minako recommended out of Fukuoka.  She fussed over Victor’s hair but when he agreed it could be used for a wig, she took great care with it.  “So long!” she declared.  And it was, past his waist and well cared for.  She pulled it back into a low ponytail and had him close his eyes while she made the first cut.

 

“There’s no going back now,” she pronounced.  She played with his hair to see how it fell and began bringing up the sides.  They decided on a longer fringe in front to give him a bit of mystery.

 

Soon, he turned towards the mirror, his new look in order.  With a smile, he could see the difference.  Gone were the feminine lines.  He looked taller, his presence more sure and less glitter.  Turning to Yuuri, he offered a confident smile.  “What do you think?”

 

Yuuri smiled, his eyes alight.  “I think you look amazing.”

 

“At least now I don’t have to wear a hoodie to hide my appearance.”  Victor ran a hand through the short hair on the back of his head, winking at Yuuri.

 

Returning to Hasetsu, they talked about what the hair represented.  Victor explained, “My mother allowed me to decide my own gender parameters.  I remember that I would pretend to be the ballerina or the danseur.  There are pictures of me in a tutu with my hair up in a bun.  I could even go up on pointe...Mama was not pleased.  She said it was too soon.  As I grew older, the long hair was part of how I defined myself as the  _ Darling of Russia _ .  Honestly, I’m tired of being everyone’s  _ Darling _ .”

 

Yuuri smiled up at him teasingly.  “Are you tired of being my darling?”

 

Victor winked.  “Maybe...for you, I’ll make an exception.  Just for you.”

 

NOTE:  The choice of song at the beginning initially speaks back to Young Victor dictated and directed by other people while he walks in the dream.  The second part shows that defiance, that declaration to become himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?


	34. Preparation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Preparing to leave Hasetsu...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many changes await our lovely boys! Of course, we have several chapters ahead showing the transition as well as revealing parts of the puzzle. I hope you continue this journey with me!

* * *

 

[ Preparation ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kaf69CaSODk)

 

Yuuri sat across from his mother as they drank tea.  He knew this was a conversation they would need to have, but he wasn’t sure how to even talk about...it.  Victor was out in the garden with Makkachin and Yuuri’s father leaving him alone with his mother.  “So will it follow us to Detroit?”

 

She frowned.  “It’s lost some of its power.  I just can’t say for sure.”

 

“What can I do to protect him?  This is not my area of expertise.”  Yuuri’s hand shook slightly as he considered the influence that...thing...has on Victor.  “He’s improved so much faster since we moved him from that room.  You’ve seen the dramatic change.”

 

Hiroko smiled broadly thinking of how her second son practically glowed the last few days, then her thoughts turned to his possessions.  “I need to look at those bunnies his mother gave him.  Perhaps I can refresh the magic.  But they are filled with a mother’s love and that’s a powerful magic in and of itself.  I’d hate to inadvertently undo that.”

 

Yuuri considered that for a moment.  “What about the ones that I gave him?  Mr. Darcy and Col. Brandon are both here.  Could you...do something to them?”

 

She raised an eyebrow.  “You gave him bunnies?”

 

Yuuri blushed and smiled into his cup.  “Yes...for his birthdays.  The first one...well, it’s because he put a bunny by his name when he added his contact.  He then...told me his mother called him  _ bunny _ ...and that she made stuffed bunnies for him.  He liked it so much, I got another for him the next year.”

 

His mother laughed cheerily.  “You are so wonderfully sentimental.  Yes, that’s what we’ll do.  Bring them to me and I’ll stitch in some magic.”

 

Yuuri slipped off the stool and ran up the stairs.  In a chair next to the door sat two happy bunnies, as if they were waiting for him.  Yuuri shook off the idea and gathered them into his arms.   _ I’m getting as imaginative as Vitya. _

 

Back downstairs, he handed them over to his mother.  She touched them gently with her fingers, bring them up to her nose to breathe the hidden scent within each.  “They already have their own magic...but I can add to it.”

 

“What do you mean?” Yuuri asked wrinkling his nose in confused curiosity.  He knew when he had them commissioned he hadn’t thought of anything supernatural.

 

“I can feel part of your essence in them...even though you didn’t make them.  You must have put a lot of love in picking them out.”  She regarded her son and watched the telling blush settle into his cheeks.  “And your protectiveness has slipped in as well.  Gifts of the heart often carry our emotions with them.  The receivers sense that and those gifts often become more precious to them.”

 

Yuuri thought over the most intimate gift he’d given, “He wears a necklace I sent him like a talisman since he found it.  I-it became lost when it first arrived.  I don’t think Victor saw it until later.”

 

“That, and the gifts of his mother, has been what has kept that energy eater from being able to fully leech off of him.  It keeps him in touch with the light.  You’ve been protecting him and watching over him from afar even without realizing it.”  She drew her fingers down a seam thoughtfully.  “These have your imprint all over them, the love you have for him, the protection you want to give.  I think you need to be the one to put the magic in place.”

 

“But Mom...I don’t know...how…” Yuuri protested.

 

She smiled reassuringly.  “I’ll guide you.  Besides, the hardest part is stitching it back together and I know my son knows his way around a needle and thread.”

 

Yuuri followed her into the room his parents shared.  He rarely came into this space as an adult.  Looking around, he could feel his mother’s energy, more aware of it now than ever before.  Quilts she stitched with more than her skill as a needleworker lay partially finished.  He spotted one with lavenders and pinks with a touch of silvery gray lying on top of the stack.  “It’s for him,” his mother supplied with a gentle smile.  “I haven’t finished it yet, but I’ll try to have it finished before you return to Detroit to stay.”

 

“You’ve got quite a bit finished,” Yuuri admired, his fingers brushing over the surface.  “When did you start it?”

 

“The day you brought him home.  I could feel his need for something, and anyone could see your love for him.  I’ve...adjusted the magic as I learned more about his story.  But it will help restore his peace when he needs it.  Just like your quilt does for you.”

 

Yuuri looked up with a soft smile.  “I never thought about it like that.  I thought...it calmed me because it makes me think of you.”  Slowly the realization of that quilt, its importance in his life and health, started coming to him.  “I...carry it with me when I travel.  The soft fuzziness on the back side sometimes helps me relax when I can’t otherwise.”

 

“That’s part of it...knowing what makes the other person relax.  For Vicchan, I selected things of his childhood.  Books, bunnies, dancing, and poodles.”  She opened it up and revealed the designs woven into what looked like a scene by the beach.  The ocean rolled in peacefully.  The sun shone brightly.  Bunnies and poodles played in the sand.  A blanket stretched out on the beach with books spread about.  In the clouds, he could see a ballerina dancing and Yuuri knew that was a likeness of Victor’s mother although how his own mother could have known what she looked like he didn’t know.  Perhaps Victor showed her.  Seagulls floated through the sky.  And at the bottom of the quilt, two hands were stretched across, one with slightly darker skin, fingers tangled together like his and Victor’s were wont to do.  He felt himself tear up at the scene.  He knew that Victor would cry buckets, holding not one tear back.

 

“He’s going to love it, Mom.”  Yuuri’s voice came out heavier with emotion than he thought it would.

 

“I’m layering lavender into the batting before I quilt it together with the backing.  I think Vicchan needs something soft as well.”  She ran her hand over the top coat, caressing the quilt that would hold her boy.

 

“I’ll...have to show him the one you made for me,” Yuuri said with a soft smile.

 

“So how long will I have to finish?”

 

Her son considered the schedule.  “We are going to be in Detroit for two weeks setting everything up.  Then around two weeks in Russia tying up loose ends.  Victor wants to talk to Yakov in person.”

 

“That is best.  Heart matters should be done in person when at all possible.”  She pulled out her sewing kit and the sachets of herbs she brought with her.  Handing him a tiny pair of scissors, she instructed him.  “I want you to break that long seam on the back.  We’ll remove just a small amount of stuffing to make room for the scents.”

 

Yuuri cut along the seam of Mr. Darcy as directed and tugged out a small amount of stuffing.  They replaced it with a sachet buried in the center holding lavender, cloves, cinnamon, and cherry blossoms.  Then Yuuri carefully stitched it back together.  He repeated the process with Col. Brandon.  “At least now I’ll know what to do with the next one.”

 

“Do you have another planned?” his mother asked, her eyes crinkling into a smile.

 

“Mr. Knightly...I don’t know how he will look.  I have time to find him, though, and customize him as desired.  I may have him commissioned as well.  There are a few area artists that work in dolls.”

 

“You put a lot of thought into your gifts...like I do my quilts.  That effort is what puts the magic into it.”

 

Yuuri gathered the bunnies and carried them up, settling them into the center of the bed.  They would be packing soon.  They would fly out tomorrow.  Victor wanted to get Makkachin well-exercised before travel, so he planned a run that evening.  They were flying commercially for these initial trips, however when they move to Detroit, Sofu had insisted they use his plane.  They wouldn’t have to worry about luggage weight restrictions.  Six bodyguards would be able to travel with them without any problems.

 

While he had left it up to Victor to make any personal communications with Yakov, Yuuri did send the itinerary to the old coach asking if he needed to seek accomodations for himself and his men.  Yakov responded that if it was for Vitya, he and Lilia would make room.  He then asked if his boy was okay.  Yuuri stared sadly at the email, he could hear the heartbreak through the communication.  He could give the coach this much.  He wrote:  _  I’ve encouraged him to talk to you and the others.  He wants to talk to you in person.  He feels he owes you that much.  Just be patient with him.  It was a lot for him to process...especially in light of what MV put him through. _  Yuuri sent the email reply and then sighed.  He hoped the coach would let him go, let him make the transition with ease.

 

* * *

  
  


Victor wandered into the kitchen and sat in the stool to watch Hiroko work.  “I’m going to miss this,” he murmured.

 

She glanced up from the vegetables she was dicing and answered, “Sometimes Yuuri would send me a call on Skype so he could watch me work while we talked.”

 

Victor pursed his lips, knowing that this would not be enough for him.  It was more than the sight; this home was made up of sounds and scents and touches that he had come to need.  “It’s so peaceful here.  What if...I can’t find my peace elsewhere?”

 

“Yuuri worried the same when he left home.  We made sure to send him off with comforting touches.”

 

Victor played with his sleeve.  At times like these he didn’t know what to do with his hands.  He no longer had his hair to play with.  He loved the short cut, though.  The first morning that he’d spent only half an hour getting ready, he decided it was easily worth it.  He told Yuuri he felt like he gained an extra hour in his day.  Focusing again on Hiroko, he noticed the speed of her fingers while she cooked.  He sighed. “I worry...what’s Yakov going to say?”

 

She paused and looked toward the ceiling.  “It’s sometimes hard for a parent to let their child go.  I was sad, but I knew it was what Yuuri needed.  Once we learned what happened, we knew he needed the space to heal.  And to find his own two feet.”

 

Victor smiled at the thought.  “I think...I have grown up a lot since coming here.  Before, I felt like I was still trapped in my childhood.”

 

“That happens when we stay too close to our parents sometimes.  But also, we sometimes find ourselves forced to grow up fast.  Life has a way of making us make choices and facing the consequences.”

 

Victor studied the butcher block surface.  “I...think I’ve paid dearly for my choices...and someone else’s.  I just want normal.  I want to go to school, skate, make friends, and be with Yuuri.”

 

“That sounds like a full and wonderful life.  I am certain you will have these things,” Hiroko assured him.

 

* * *

  
  


Victor ran up the stairs to help Yuuri pack.  Suitcases were laid out on the bed.  “I think I want Douglas in the carry-on,” Victor decided.  Then he picked up Mr. Darcy.  The scent hit him and his eyes widened.  Turning him over, he spotted the freshly sown seam.  “Yuuri?”

 

Yuuri’s eyes followed to the bunny held closely to the younger man’s chest.  “It was mom’s idea...but she had me do it.  We thought...they needed a little something more.”

 

Victor couldn’t help the smile touching his lips.  Breathing in the scent, he murmured, “This has a bit of you...and your mama...and my mama.”

 

Yuuri grinned.  “Which part is me?”

 

“The cherry blossoms,” Victor declared.

 

Yuuri raised an eyebrow.  “So racist,” he teased.

 

Victor rolled his eyes.  “It has nothing to do with your cologne.”

 

Yuuri winked.  “It was also racist gift from a friend in Detroit.  I don’t know if you’d call it cologne.  They were always buying me Japanese Cherry Blossom products from Bath and Body Works.”

 

“Who was buying you such personal gifts?”  Yuuri could hear the jealousy in Victor’s voice.   _ Some things will never change. _

 

He snorted.  “Phichit.  Our apartment smelled like cherry blossoms for a year.  And I hate waste, so it followed me here.  I think he’s moved to something with mahogany in it now.”

 

“I’ll have to check out this Bath and Body Works when I get to America.”

 

* * *

  
  


They walked along the beach hand in hand, eyes trained on the poodle bounding into the waves.  They would give the poodle a bath when they returned home.  “I just found my home and now I’m leaving it again,” Victor said softly.

 

“No...you’re not.  I’m going with you,” Yuuri murmured, leaning into the younger man’s shoulder.

 

Victor glanced down with a smile.  “That’s right...you’re my home.”  Then he snorted.  “I guess that makes my home mobile.”

 

Yuuri bumped him gently as they walked in the sand, “Be careful...in the States they’ll refer to you as trailer trash.”

 

Victor giggled.  “Maybe Yuuri trash,” he responded.  He then brushed a kiss against that head that still leaned into his shoulder.  “I love you,” he whispered.  “And maybe Bath and Body Works Japanese Cherry Blossoms.”

 

“I told you that you were trailer trash,” Yuuri teased.

 

* * *

  
  


Victor hated crating Makkachin, but Yuuri had smoothed the way.  And Phichit said he’d watch her while they were finishing up in Russia and moving the rest of their belongings from Japan.  “This is so hard on her,” he whined, his fingers going through the cage.

 

“I think it is  _ you  _ that it is hardest on,” Yuuri pointed out.  “She’s responding to your stress.”

 

Victor glanced down guiltily.  Her medicine the vet gave her would take effect soon, and she’d sleep most of the way.  He knew Yuuri was right.  America...hours from now and he’ll see his new home, his new start.  Then he’ll just have to figure out how to tell Yakov.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And how many of us can honestly say we, too, are Yuuri trash? ;)
> 
> Thanks so much to my editors for their care with my story...Magrathea and BluSkates. If you haven't checked out their stories, please do so. I mean, BluSkates brought the original Douglas to us.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	35. Clarity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our boys arrive in Detroit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So they traveled from Hasetsu to Detroit. Then they will go from Detroit to St. Petersburg. From there back to Hasetsu. Then finally, return to Detroit. This is why I'm not a travel agent. ;) It totally made sense in my head at the time.
> 
> :D
> 
> Anyway, now that you have the itinerary, go see our boys in Detroit.

* * *

 

[ Clarity ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fG1VjkICRE)

 

Victor stood next to Yuuri in baggage claim.  His dog was on the cart already.  Yuuri watched for their luggage, pulling them from the conveyor belt and adding them to the cart next to Makkachin.  Victor knelt down and poked his finger through the grate on the crate, feeling Makkachin’s tongue greet him.  “Just a little longer, Makka dear,” he cooed softly.

 

Yuuri’s phone buzzed and he looked down.  “They’re here.  I’m telling them to meet us in loading.”

 

They maneuvered through the process of coming to America and finally made it out the door.  The coach had the back raised to the suburban.  Yuuri immediately began loading the luggage, Victor shifted back and forth next to Makkachin.  The question danced around his head anxiously as he read Celestino’s facial expression, “Can I?  Do you mind if I let her out?”

 

The coach laughed.  “She’ll be easier to contain than Phichit’s hamsters.”

 

“Oh, god!” Yuuri responded.  “Why you ever thought it was a good idea to let them out of their carrier while we were going down the freeway is beyond me, Peach!”

 

The Thai man shrugged.  “They get restless, too.”

 

Yuuri snorted, remembering the many near accidents, “I know.  They ran all over the place...including Ciao Ciao...who was driving!”  Fortunately driving while hampstered wasn’t a crime in Detroit.

 

Victor giggled, opening the gate and letting the poodle crawl into his arms.  “I don’t think we have to worry about that with Makkachin.  She’s a good girl.”

 

Celestino eyed the sluggish pooch cautiously, “If she pukes, you pay the cleaning bill,” is all the coach said in response.

 

They drove back towards the apartment Yuuri shared with Phichit.  The coach took advantage of the drive time to break the ice with Victor.  “So you are really thinking about joining us in Detroit?”

 

Victor fumbled with his hands, “Y-yes...but I haven’t talked to Yakov yet.  I...should do that in person.”

 

Celestino flicked his eyes into the rearview mirror to look at the young man’s face.  “Yes, you should.  He’s not going to be happy.  You’re his star pupil, that’s hard to let go.”

 

“I know,” Victor answered quietly.  He glanced up from beneath his lashes towards Yuuri.  “But you will take me?”

 

The coach snorted.  “I’d be a fool not to.”  Then he softened his expression, “It won’t be the same as in Russia, however.  You had living expenses and stipends all from the FFKK.  Here you may have to raise your living.”

 

Victor started slowly, “I already have solid sponsorships and do quite a bit of ad work.  Although...I’ve been taking some time off to deal with...everything.”  He swallowed as he started to feel overwhelmed by the changes.  A hand squeezed his and he glanced down to see Yuuri’s reassuring grasp.  He tangled his other fingers into Makkachin’s fur.

 

“It’s been a rough half year, Victor, but we’ll take care of you,” Celestino reassured him glancing back in the rearview mirror to check on the skater.  “You will find that we are our own family here as well.  Are you planning to take classes as well?”

 

Victor immediately brightened at the thought of classes, “Yes.  I am thinking about studying literature.  I...read a lot.”

 

Celestino smiled at the sudden change, and the youthful energy in the answer.  “Interesting.  Most of my athletes take courses related to sports.  I had a physiology major, a few sports psychologist hopefuls, a number of coaches.  Then we have these two geeks who study computers.  Now a lit major.”

 

“Did you go to college, coach?”

 

Victor could see his smile in the mirror.  “Psychology with a masters in sports management,” the older man supplied.  “That’s probably why Minako introduced me to Yuuri.”

 

“My anxiety,” Yuuri supplied to Victor’s questioning gaze flicked his direction.

 

Victor nodded thoughtfully, “You’re a lot different than Yakov.”

 

Celestino barked out his laughter.  “I should say so.  Two very different generations.  I’m a  _ bit  _ more laid back.” Victor smiled at the sarcasm.  But Celestino turned thoughtful, “Yakov’s a brilliant teacher, I just don’t use his methods.  But both approaches can create champions.”

 

“You’ll be fine,” Yuuri encouraged Victor.  “Ciao Ciao knows the business and your discipline rivals mine and Phichit’s.”  He saw Victor raise his eyebrow and smiled, “He is very dedicated on the ice, especially when there’s a chance to post it.”

 

Phichit flipped Yuuri the bird, “I heard that.”

 

“I can’t wait to work with you,” the coach continued.  “But we should get you settled.  I’m going to let the boys help you take care of campus matters but if you need my intervention, I’ll be a phone call away.”

 

“Thanks, coach,” Victor responded.  They arrived at the apartment.  Phichit helped them with their bags and Celestino offered to store the crate.  Victor guided Makkachin to a bit of grass designated for dogs.  After she explored and took care of her business, Victor cleaned up her leavings and then joined the others who were waiting by the entrance for him.

 

They stepped out onto the fourth floor, Phichit leading the way to their apartment.  “I got you a key, Victor.  The building manager will want to add you to the lease if you are staying.”  Phichit continued and Yuuri stopped in confusion in front of his familiar door.  “Oh...did I not mention it?  I traded apartments with Ashley.  She wanted to downsize rather than find a new roommate.  I sort of figured that Victor was a package deal at this point.  So yeah...come on.”

 

Yuuri followed Phichit on down the hall and Victor trailed behind, uncertain what was going on.  Phichit unlocked the door and let them into the space.  Yuuri stepped in and grinned.  “This is great!  Bigger living room and kitchen!  Do I get the ensuite?”

 

Phichit rolled his eyes.  “Greedy!  No,  _ I _ get the ensuite because you get the two bedrooms and bath to share between the two of you.  Hang a curtain on the hall and it will be like an ensuite.”

 

Yuuri and Victor dragged their suitcases down the hall that led to their rooms.  Makkachin stayed close to Victor’s heels.  Opening, Yuuri breathed in his room.  “You even unpacked me, Peach!” he called out.

 

“Technically,  _ we  _ packed and unpacked you.  I think you may have lost some articles of clothes to the hockey team,” Phichit called out to him.

 

Hearing the cringe in the Thai man’s voice, Yuuri poked his head out of the hall.  “You bartered my underwear for moving services,” Yuuri deadpanned.

 

Phichit squirmed, then squared his shoulders.  “I mean...it was a cheap payment,” the Thai man pointed out.  “And they took such good care of your things.”

 

Yuuri groaned and rubbed the bridge of his nose.  “Please tell me you didn’t promise them a date.  I’m a taken man,” Yuuri stated.

 

Phichit snorted.  “They would be a fool to risk Victor’s jealousy.”

 

The silver haired man leaned against the entrance to the hall and watched the exchange and his eyebrow shot up at the mention of his name.  “How did I get dragged into this?”

 

“It comes with the territory, Vitya,” Yuuri explained.  “Living with Peach is an adventure.”

 

“Living with Yuuchan is an equal adventure.  I earn my keep!” Phichit declared dramatically.

 

Yuuri rolled his eyes and guided Victor back down the hall.  “So...since we have two rooms and we’ll only sleep in one, do you want to make this one into a study lounge?”

 

“That would be good.  I fall to sleep earlier than you.  We could put a bed up in case we have guests,” Victor suggested.

 

“What are you bringing from Russia?  I know what you have in Hasetsu.”

 

“My books, of course.  I’ll box them up and mail them.  Most of my bunnies.  My remaining clothes.  My bedding and pillows.  The furniture will stay with the building as it’s a furnished rental.  I’ll have some things I’ll leave in my room at Yakov’s for when I stay in Russia.  But I’d like my sentimental stuff with me.”

 

“So we need a small library.”  They walked into the room and Yuuri studied the bank of windows that went down one side of the room.  “We could fill that space under the window with bookshelves.  Set a chair in the corner with maybe a lamp behind it.  And a plant.  Mom made me promise to get you some lavender.  I think Ashley has a lemon tree.  I’ll find out where she got it and how she maintains it.”

 

Victor smiled at the thought, “A lemon tree would be nice.  Your Papa said it cleans the air.”

 

“Maybe we’ll get one for the living room,” Yuuri suggested.  “We’ll move my desk over there, opposite your chair.  Squeeze you in a desk between the chair and closet.  And we could probably put a futon couch facing the window.  It converts to a bed, so guest space.  Now...we can do one closet yours, one closet mine...or we can break it up seasonally.  My bed has drawers underneath and there is a chest of drawers in my room.  But...I think there is room for another.  Especially since we are moving my desk out.”

 

“I steal clothes,” Victor pointed out.

 

Yuuri smirked.  “I noticed.”

 

“Why don’t we put skate costumes in here and our regular clothes in with us?  Then we can put our workout clothes in the chest.”

 

Yuuri nodded in agreement.  “That sounds efficient.  There’s a second closet in each room with shelves to store other supplies.  Maybe extra blankets and pillows in here and skate gear in our room.”

 

Victor tapped his lip thoughtfully.  “I’m going to need three pillows for Makkachin.  I’ll leave the one in Russia there for when I visit.”

 

Yuuri shrugged at the obvious answer.  “We can go down to PetSmart and let her pick.”

 

“I can bring her?”  Victor seemed in awe.

 

“People love their pets in the States.  I mean, they go nuts if they can’t bring their dogs everywhere.  So most places caught up.  They encourage it.  That way we can get whatever else she needs.  Phichit and I share a car, so I can drive you.”

 

Victor smiled, his eyes dancing.  “This is starting to feel very real.  I had my own place in Russia and loved decorating it and making it mine...but this is...more.  Working with someone else, making the space ours.  I’m so excited!”

 

Yuuri grinned.  Taking Victor’s hand, he led him to the bedroom they’d share.  Within half an hour, they were unpacked.  Makkachin was already stretched out across the bed.  Victor’s fingers ran lovingly down the quilt.  “Mom made that for me when I first moved here,” Yuuri supplied.

 

“It’s beautiful...and it looks like you.”  The color was moonlight and shadows, deep blues with starlight and moonbeams reflected off a frosty landscape.  The picture was a pond of ice, skate tracks quilted across the surface.  It was surrounded by trees hung with ivy and blanketed in snow and ice.  The picture was one of comfortable solitude.  In opposite corners, there was a pair of skates bunched together with dance shoes like a hanging bouquet.  The other two corners had snowflakes quilted in silver thread.  “Your mother is very skilled.”

 

“I know.  This was what she gave me when I moved to the States.  She thought I should bring a little bit of home with me.”

 

“Like my bunnies,” Victor said softly.

 

Yuuri nodded.  “Exactly...there is something wonderful about mothers.  I wish you’d had more time with yours.”

 

Victor sighed and drew nearer Yuuri, “I would have loved to have more, to be able to introduce you...but she had a way of making the most of her time with me.  I don’t regret our time at all.”

  
  
  
  


The next few days were a whirlwind of showing Victor around campus, setting up and taking entrance and placement exams.  Victor electronically sent for his transcript and found an agency that could translate it with Yuuri’s help.  Wayne University accepted Victor into open enrollment allowing him to meet with advisors and sign up for classes.  

 

In the middle of it all, they made time for ice.  Each of them presented the programs they had built to Celestino.  The coach made a few suggestions to each.  They then laid out their program elements and after a considerable discussion, tightened up the choreography to allow for the components.  Discussions of variations followed, and Victor seemed to blossom under the coach’s attention.

 

“He lets me make my decisions...and it feels like it’s all mine.  Well, the programs we built together, you and me.”

 

Yuuri smiled warmly at his excitement.  “His coaching style is very different from Yakov’s, but both are good.”

 

“Yakov would have ripped it apart and totally rebuilt it.  Not to be mean, he’s not Frank Carroll.”  Victor rolled his eyes as Yuuri scoffed at the thought of someone as sensitive as Victor working with The Wolf.  “I was allowed creativity with Yakov, but changes were not always negotiable.  I knew he was helping me.  And...I needed more direction back then.  Besides, if I really wanted a different direction, I just did it on the ice.  He’d grumble about how hard headed I was but we found a middle ground pretty quickly.”

 

“But here, you won’t necessarily have to fight for your changes.  Ciao Ciao will make sure that’s the direction you want to go and then you’ll work in partnership to hone it into the best program.  It’s your confidence in the program that will push the boundaries.  And he’ll work with you as long as you aren’t being reckless.”

 

Victor took in the words, nodding happily at this new approach.  “This...is going to be very different.”

 

* * *

  
  


Later, Yuuri found Victor curled up in their bed staring across the room lost in himself.  The Japanese man frowned in worry, Victor hadn’t retreated into himself in the last few weeks and he didn’t want to see him regress into the old habit.  Sliding into bed behind him, Yuuri ran a hand up his spine.  “What’s going on inside you,  _ anata _ ?”

 

“I...don’t want to hurt Yakov.  He’s done so much for me.  He’s sacrificed so much for me.”  The little voice came out tight, fighting its way to the surface.  “Am I being ungrateful chasing after this new me?”

 

_ Ah, this was coming. _  Yuuri moved Victor into an embrace, feeling the slight chill on his skin.  “It may be hard at first, but if Yakov loves you, he’ll want you to be happy.  We won’t really know how he’ll react until we arrive.”

 

Victor turned into Yuuri’s arms burying his head into the older man’s chest.  Yuuri could feel the dampness through the cloth and the small body shook in his arms.  “I miss them,” he confessed against the fabric.  “All of them.  They’re my family.  They’ve been all I had for the longest time.”

 

Yuuri brushed his lips into the younger man’s hair.  “Soon you’ll have it all sorted out.  There is nothing that’s been done here that can’t be changed.”

 

Victor sniffed back and pulled away to look at Yuuri, his eyes red and moist.  “But I can’t stay there.  I’ll never feel safe.  Not without  _ knowing  _ he’s dead, and I can’t be sure without a body.”  He stilled as he thought about what he said.  “God, that sounds so wrong!  I’m a horrible person!”

 

“You are not a horrible person,” Yuuri murmured running a hand over the silken silver hair.  “There is nothing horrible about wanting to feel safe.”

 

Victor croaked out, “But I wished another person dead!”

 

“That  _ other person  _ did horrible things to you,” Yuuri pointed out softly.  Victor curled back up into Yuuri’s arms and continued to cry until his body stilled into sleep.  Makkachin came up and claimed Yuuri’s spot as the older man slipped away.  He walked into the main space.  Phichit looked up and met his eyes.  The walls were thin and the door had been open.

 

“Is he going to be okay?” he asked.

 

Yuuri sighed, this was a heavier question than appeared.  “Eventually...but he has a lot to overcome.  He’s overcome so much already.  He’ll be okay...eventually.”  Yuuri dropped down to sit in front of the sofa taking the game controller from Phichit.  “ _ Final Fantasy XII _ ?”

 

“I have a weakness for Fran!”

 

Yuuri snorted.  “Balthier is hotter!”

 

“You know we’ve beaten this game more than once.”

 

“Yeah, but only because you blew through the story and skipped all of the side quests.  This time we’ll do it right.  Systematic.  So we don’t miss any of the story.”

 

It was late when Yuuri found his way back into bed.  Victor turned over into his warmth climbing into Yuuri until he was as close as he could get.   _ Maybe I should have stayed with him.  He’s still struggling.  _  Yuuri’s eyes closed as he returned the snuggle, brushed kisses into his lover’s hair.  They were leaving in a couple of days for Russia, Phichit misdirecting their travel once more online.  Electronically they were all headed to Phichit’s family home to celebrate a festival that the Thai man had made up...something about the Feast of Ruth...Mikhail would never get the reference.  He was thankful for the hundredth time to have such a strong partner in crime and best friend.  And now he had Victor.   _ How could one man be so blessed? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many thanks and hugs to my lovely editors BluSkates and Magrathea s.who are feeling the pangs of my slow down in writing this story while I obsessively go through the L&F. It will switch soon. Regardless, this one is written somewhere into the 40s...something like 42 or 43 chapters. So we are good through next week. I think I'm as good for L&F. I need more LL chapters, though. Lot's of ramble! So, tomorrow I hope to put up a LL chapter. I have three stories I'm rotating on a three day schedule until I run out of chapters. ;) So enjoy!


	36. Safe in My Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to return to Russia...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be bed rather than putting up tomorrow's post but here I am. Because I took a nap and so I'm wide awake. But hey, here it is! Enjoy!
> 
> Thanks so much for the love you show this fic!

* * *

 

[ Safe in My Hands ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8Ytc1lKCgc)

 

Victor wrote down careful instructions for Phichit on Makkachin’s needs.  “Are you sure you don’t mind?” Victor pressed.

 

“Not at all,” Phichit reassured him, working hard to hide the smile when Victor wrote  _ make sure she knows you are happy to spend time with her, positive reinforcement _ .  “And if I have any questions and can’t reach you, Ashley’s down they hall.  She works with service dogs.  She’ll know the answer.”

 

Victor’s eyes brightened at the prospect of friends for his beloved pooch, “You’ll have to introduce me when I return.  I-if I return…”  He turned to Yuuri, his eyes wide and Yuuri could feel his partner’s anxiety.  Victor’s voice turned soft, taking on the childish lilt.  “What if he doesn’t let me return?”

 

The Japanese man smiled keeping his features calm.  “He will...Yakov will see what you need.  He may be sad, but he’ll want what’s best for you.  It’s not about  _ letting you _ do something, it’s about seeing what you need and making comprises.”

 

Victor frowned,  _ actual adulting is complicated.   _ “What if I’m wrong?  What if I don’t know what’s best for me?  What if he’s dead?  What if he’s not...”

 

Yuuri could see the snowball of anxiety rushing over his boyfriend and placed warm hands on the slender shoulders.  “Hush, now...so many  _ what if’s _ , and all they are doing is upsetting you.  Now, either he accepts it or not.  You are grown, though, and capable of making your own decisions.”

 

So many doubts warred within the blue depths of his eyes.  “He’s still my guardian.  He even decided what would happen to my money for me.”  Victor remembered back to a conversation not long ago about his funds, and something tricky with the FFKK.

 

“Yes, but you had to sign something, remember?  That means that he did need your...agreement in the matter.” Yuuri reminded him patiently, avoiding the word  _ permission _ .  “Besides, he would never do anything to hurt you.  You are going to talk to him face-to-face, like a man, and he’ll respect that.”

 

Celestino drove them once more to the airport.  Yuuri’s bodyguards would be meeting them in Russia.  Having felt secure that they were safe, Yuuri sent them ahead, their flight set to land two hours before the other two.  This would give them time to make sure they are secure, checking the airport, the traffic pattern to the rink, and getting in contact with Lilia’s people on the ground.  Yuuri had quipped at Akio that dignitaries weren’t this cautious, his response stilled him.  “They absolutely aren’t.  That’s why we are.  I take your safety of this family personally, and the safety of those lucky enough to join it even more so.”  

 

Once in the air, Victor leaned against Yuuri, allowing his fingers to thread through his.  “Yuuri...I’m such a mess,” he whispered.  Yuuri brushed a kiss into his hair and they both curled up together and rested.

 

_ Yes, but you’re my mess. _

 

* * *

  
  
  


Victor’s agitation had him in knots by the time they arrived, and Yuuri was thankful he had six men to help with the incidentals.  Akio already had their transportation squared away, the two black SUVs he rented were waiting at passenger pick up.  Azumi organized the luggage the men to move the few bags to the cars while Yuuri got Victor and himself through customs.  Once inside the lead SUV, Victor gave the driver the direction to the skating rink, knowing Yakov would still be there, only to receive a reassuring smile from Akio who sat shotgun.  At his side Yuuri debated on telling Victor just how much preparation the lead had put into this one part of their trip, but decided against it.   _ If you think of all the care he took, you’ll only be that much more apprehensive of what he fears. _

 

As they pulled up to the front, Victor was fighting to keep his breathing steady and even.  Yuuri spoke soothing words as his hand went up and down Victor’s back.  Finally Victor felt composed enough to exit the vehicle.  The bodyguards surrounded them as they exited the vehicle.  Akio kept a vigilant eye on the surrounding areas, silently instructing the men to watch out for pockets.  But the rink was relatively empty, only students and a few coaches were there.  Akio had researched the rink prior to the trip.  Allowed himself one look at the little silver head as he entered through the large doors.

 

Entering the rink was surreal.  Eyes looked up at Victor and there was that moment of floating thoughts before recognition hit.  Scratched ice and slapping guards sounded as voices called out from all over the rink.  Then they were surrounded by his rinkmates.  Hugs pulling him in and arms holding him out and look him over.  Katya’s hand went up to his hair.  “You are so handsome!  I almost didn’t recognize you.”

 

Yuuri stood back, not wanting to interrupt their reunion.  He watched his men fan out to check the doors and surrounding area, sharp, experienced eyes searching out the people they encountered.  Yuuri spotted Yakov, at first standing on the edge of the small crowd, then coming into the fray before anyone saw him.  He nodded his acknowledgement.  The old coach waited.  This was needed.  Finally, he clapped his hands.  “Back to work.”

 

Slowly, the team scattered leaving Victor and Yakov facing one another.  Yakov tilted his head and studied the young man.  “The short hair...it suits you,” he said finally.

 

Victor found a tiny smile.  “Yakov, can we talk?”

 

“I was hoping you would want to,” Yakov responded quietly.  He looked up then and acknowledged Yuuri.  “You are welcome to the ice for your stay.  When we leave this evening, I’ll show you the way home.  How many men did you bring with you?”

 

“Six.  I’d rather have too many than not enough.”   _ I’m leaving nothing to chance. _

 

Yakov smiled, happy that the Japanese man took his boy’s safety seriously.  “Good.  I’ll send word to Lilia.”

 

Yuuri watched Victor leave with his coach.  With nowhere else to go, he migrated towards the ice.  He didn’t know if anyone would welcome him.  Well, Georgi would...the rest, he wasn’t too sure.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


In the privacy of Yakov’s office, coach and skater, guardian and son sat facing each other.  Who spoke first, it was uncertain, voices mixed in common concern.  Victor’s “I’m sorry” mingled with Yakov’s “Are you okay?”

 

“I didn’t know how to deal with what you told me,” Victor confessed.  “I was...angry.  I thought I was mad at you.  But once some time passed, I realized I was just mad at the situation.”

 

Yakov sat heavy in his chair, “I hated keeping that secret...but your mother was so afraid.  She worked so hard to shelter you from that life.”

 

Victor fidgeted.  He had the apology out of the way.  The next part would be hard.  Taking a deep breath, he pushed out, “I want to stay with Yuuri.”

 

The old man studied the boy he’d raised.  He could see the agitation in the small frame.  He knew the boy so well, had pulled him through rough patches.  But this last one, Victor had turned to someone else.  Perhaps it was right that he did.  “I thought you might say that.  What about your skating?”

 

“I still plan to skate...just not...here.”  Victor’s eyes were down and Yakov could see the shadow of the little boy in the man before him.

 

Yakov nodded as he considered his boy’s words.  “Then where?”

 

“Detroit...I want to go to University.”  The words came out in a rush and his shoulders squeezed in nervously.

 

Yakov raised his eyebrows in surprise.  “Do you now?  This is new.  What brought it about?”

 

Victor shifted, but not uncomfortably, “For the longest time I just had my skating.  School...I didn’t like it because of what happened.  You know how they treated me.  You took me out of it for a reason.”  He twisted his fingers for a few moments, then smiled adding, “But...it turns out I’m really smart.”  Reaching for a kleenex, he toyed with it.

 

Yakov laughed.  “I always knew you were.  Your grades have always been top marks.”

 

Victor preened under the praise, “I don’t think  _ I  _ realized that.  I just did what I was supposed to do...just like on the ice.  I knew there were expectations.  But when I took the entrance exams...Yakov, they said I could probably test out of my first year courses.”  He smoothed out the tissue on the desk, folding and unfolding it.

 

“And what will you study?”  Yakov watched the little hands working the this tissue.

 

Victor inhaled making a series of tucks and folds along the paper, “I thought...since I love to read so much, I’d study literature.”  His eyes flicked up to his coach, searching for approval.  “I could be a college professor when I finish skating.”

 

Yakov studied the boy... _ no, the man... _ before him.  He’d grown up quite a bit in his absence and the old coach could see the strong lines in him.  “Skating has a limited lifespan and that leaves most left taking obvious routes.  The ones without a plan, it doesn’t turn out so good for them.  The ones who do plan, don’t think outside the rink.  Some become coaches.  Some go into entertainment for a short time.  Others...they pick related careers.”  He smiled thinking that his boy would have a full life after the ice, making his time in the rink always pleasant, never a harsh reminder of age.  “You’re a dreamer, so much imagination.  I always figured you’d go into choreography.  But literature...that surprises me.  But only because I never thought outside the normal path.  And this is what you want?”

 

Victor nodded adamantly.  “I’ve already got a place...and a,” the words froze on his lips, he was worried of the heartbreak he might inflict, “...well, a coach.”

 

Yakov sat back thinking, “In Detroit?  It had best be Celestino.  He’s one of the few Olympic level coaches not in Colorado.  I’d accept no less for you.”

 

Victor blushed and he nodded.  “He said I’d have to earn my way.  I wouldn’t have as much financial support.  I guess it’s different over there for their athletes.”

 

Yakov frowned, “Not necessarily.  There will still be support, but we’ll have to work it out.  How can I help?”

 

Victor looked up surprised.  “You still want to help me?”

 

“You are...my boy.  Of course I want to help you.”  He reached across the desk to take one of the hands, “I hope you don’t mean to drop out of our lives completely.  Lilia would be heartbroken.”

 

Victor studied his hand locked in the larger older one.  “That’s why...I had to talk to you in person.  I was so afraid of hurting you.”  Yakov watched the ghosts pass over the little face in front of him.  “But I’m...afraid of staying here.  I’d always be looking over my shoulder.”

 

The older coach heard the fear in the voice and knew he would never be able to convince Victor he was safe without seeing Volkov dead…and in truth, Yakov would never rest easily until he saw the same thing.  “I would...prefer it if you stayed here.  Because I’m selfish and I want you near.  But I know...with everything that’s happened, that would be hard.  Impossible even.  If you are with Katsuki...and don’t tell him I said this...you will at least be safe.”

 

Victor giggled and winked, they broke physical contact and sat back in their respective chairs.  “I won’t breathe a word.”  After a moment, he added, “I know how you can help me.  I...would prefer it if you managed the legal stuff...like my father might do.”  His voice dropped down shyly.  He heard a gruff sound then a sniff causing him to peek up from under his lashes.  The coach swallowed down his tears but Victor caught a glimpse of that vulnerability.  “You’re the only Papa I’ve ever known.  I realize that this Andrei...he made a sacrifice to make sure I was safe.  And for that, I’m grateful.  But...you and Lilia...you both helped Mama raise me.”

 

“Vitya,” the coach grunted, his hand going up to roughly brush the unruly tears from his eyes.

 

“Would you...stand in as my parent when I need one?  Not because Mama named you as guardian...but because I need parents.  And it’s nice not to be alone in the world.”

 

“Of course...my son,” he whispered, his voice rough from unshed tears.  “You’re hard on the heart.  But...in a good way.”  After a moment, he cleared his throat and Victor heard the rumble in his words.  “We’d better see what trouble those skaters have gotten themselves into now.”

 

Victor grinned and followed him out.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


At the rink, Yuuri watched the skaters practice, some towards the middle, some in various corners.  He was so engrossed in watching the small family interact that his eyes failed to see a little blonde coming towards him skidding to a harsh stop.  Yuuri’s attention was pulled immediately to the angry little face and recognized him as the boy Victor was trying to protect from Mikhail.  The boy looked him up and down, hands on his hips, sizing Yuuri up and clearly finding him wanting.  The Japanese man raised an eyebrow and waited.

 

“You lay a hand on him, I’ll kick your ass.”  The gruff little boy spat out, but kept his voice low to not draw the attention of others.

 

_ And it’s a pleasure to meet you, too. _  Yuuri smiled, his expression sincere.  “I’d never intentionally hurt that man.  And we’ve gotten used to each other’s moods.  So...hopefully I won’t unintentionally hurt him.  But I would  _ never  _ lay a hand on him in anger.”

 

Little green eyes narrowed with an improved opinion.  “Good, because that ex of his was a piece of work.”

 

“Yes, he was,” Yuuri agreed.  The young man looked him up and down, then nodded and skated off.   _ So I guess I have his blessing, then. _

 

His next face off was with Ivan and Dmitry.  Yuuri had seen their interest in his last conversation and started over as soon as the little blonde left.  They skated close in each other’s space and appeared to be either intimate friends or a couple.  As they skated up, Ivan asked point blank, “What are your intentions with Vitya?”

 

Yuuri kept his expression serious.   _ So it’s a shovel talk day _ .  “I intend to one day marry him if we can find a place where it’s legal.  I will support him in his decisions and I hope for us to make a future together.”

 

Dmitry’s lips twitched in a pleased smile and Yuuri hoped he had found another ally.  “Are you going to mess with his heart again?” Ivan pushed.

 

Yuuri’s heart fell a little.   _ They all saw the dance at the banquet, but they don’t know why I had to run off like that.   _ “I never intended to hurt him to begin with.  It was all just a series of misunderstandings.  I always wanted to be with Victor.  That intention has never changed.”

 

Dmitry studied him during this exchange.  Finally, he murmured, “Thanks for taking care of him.  He looks so much better than before.  I can tell he is happy.”

 

Yuuri warmed hearing at least one member of Victor’s family speaking in approval.  “I want him to be happy.”

 

As they skated off, Katya and Pyotr came up next.  He remembered Katya’s initial protectiveness over Victor.  But she didn’t seem adversarial, just concerned she might lose this precious boy too soon.  She studied him a moment before asking, “Before you take him away again, you will come to our place for dinner, won’t you?  I’d like to get to know you.  I don’t think any of us gave you a proper chance.”

 

Yuuri felt his body relaxing, “I’m certain my actions left you all confused.  It’s hard for me to open up about my anxiety.  And I had things in my past I needed to resolve.  I just didn’t realize how deeply it would affect Victor.”

 

She quirked her mouth in a shy smile, almost apologizing for the misunderstandings on her behalf.  “But it’s all sorted out now.  So, you will come?”

 

Yuuri smiled and nodded.  “I’d love to.”

 

She let out a deep breath that Yuuri realized she had been holding this entire time.  “Good, because we have a lot to catch up on.  Victor is like a little brother to most of us.”

 

Pyotr held out his hand and Yuuri accepted it.  “I know how you helped him...how you went out of your way to help him.  I didn’t know people did that for others.”

 

“You’d find a way to do it for Katya.  I’m sure of it.”

 

The older man glanced down at his partner and smiled.  “I would.”

 

They skated off and Yuuri continued to watch them.  Across the rink, Georgi was arguing with a woman... _ Anya _ .  Then a hand slid up his back and over his shoulder.  He looked up to meet blue eyes.  “How are you?”

 

“Everything’s okay.  Yakov...he wasn’t surprised with my decision.  Well, I think my major took him off guard.  But he’s being very supportive.”

 

“He knows what you’ve been through.”  Yuuri turned, putting an hand on his arm.

 

“I...asked him to continue to manage my legal and financial affairs.  It helps to keep him in the loop.  I think...it’s important that we stay connected.”  Yuuri watched Victor chew his lips, still thinking something over.

 

Yuuri ran his hand along the bicep, coaxing the younger man to share.  “He is after all the only father you’ve known.”

 

“I know...it’s just, he’s also the only coach I’ve known.  It’s hard to give that up.”

 

Yuuri smiled at the luxury.  Several of these skaters lived with that luxury, but it was a rarity in the skating world, one that he had only recently enjoyed.  “He’s one of the best...possibly the best in his field.  It’s...possible for him to still be your coach.”

 

“But I’ll be in America,” Victor argued, his brow knitting in confusion.

 

Yuuri hurried to explain his thoughts.  “Ciao Ciao could be your rink coach and Yakov stay as your overall coach.  We’ll have to travel a bit more, but that’s something that most American skaters do. Do you think they all live in Colorado Springs?”

 

Victor tapped his lip with his index finger as he considered the idea.  “He’d want to work with me personally from time to time.  I’d need to come to Russia for that.”

 

Yuuri shrugged.  “I always take the summer term off.  Usually that means going home to Japan.  But, we can spend most of it here, or we could spend some of it in Russia.  I just need a couple of weeks to see my family.”

 

“But...would Coach Celestino be okay with that?”  Yuuri heard doubt in his voice.  “Would he be offended sharing a student?”

 

_ Wow, you’re Russian...are all coaches Galina?   _ Yuuri brushed a kiss against his forehead.  “I think...in this case, he would be more than okay with it.”

  
  


* * *

* * *

  
  
  


At the main house, Lilia had their rooms sorted out.  Yuuri was given a room next door to Victor.  Yuuri smiled at the silliness of separate rooms as they had shared a room...a bed...for weeks.  However, he took it in good stride as it didn’t seem to upset Victor to be apart.  Victor’s eyes flicked down shyly as he peeked into the opening to Yuuri’s room.  “Lilia is old fashioned sometimes.  Wants things in proper order.”

 

Yuuri smiled up at him from the bed.  “That’s fine.  It’s more complicated with us...but we’ll one day have everything in order.”

 

Victor crossed into the room, “She is okay that you’re a boy.  I remember being afraid to tell her when I was sixteen that I liked a boy.  She brushed it off and said the problem wasn’t that he was a boy.  The problem was that we were caught making out on school grounds.”  Victor straightened his posture and flung his head back dramatically, arching an eyebrow and doing his best to impersonate the prima, “ _ There is a time for affection, Vitya, and that was not it _ .”

 

Yuuri smiled, standing up and went to him.  Gathering him into his arms, Yuuri could feel his weariness.  Yuuri brushed a kiss into his hair.  Then he heard a gagging sound down the hall.

 

Victor giggled.  “That’s Yura...he’s...twelve.”

 

Yuuri smiled into the blue eyes, “We met earlier.  He seemed very protective of you.”

 

Victor sobered, his emotions so up and down now that he was in Russia.  “I suppose they all are.  It was just too big of a problem for them.  I couldn’t imagine the problem in any other way.  Yuuri...thank you for coming for me that night.  And...thank you for giving me hope along the way.”  The little voice came out in a weak lilt, and the body began to feel colder, smaller.

 

Yuuri tried to pull Victor from his darker thoughts.  “Vitya…”

 

“I know, Yuuri...I know.  But I needed to say the words.”  A bell interrupted and Victor smiled against Yuuri’s shoulder.  “Everything in good order.  Time for dinner.”  Victor held out his hand.  Yuuri grasped it and they walked down the stairs and into the hall.  He spotted his men and a few other servants going into the dining hall towards the kitchen.

 

Victor led Yuuri into the embrace of his family.  Yakov and Lilia sitting at opposite ends of a table.  Skaters lined both sides of the table.  Through an opening, Yuuri could see his men taking their meal with the household servants and they seemed well cared for.

 

Lilia raised a glass.  “To our Vitya, we are thankful that you can join us once more.”  The assembly echoed the words “to Vitya” and they drank.

 

It was Yakov that lifted the next glass.  “My boy wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for those who stepped in when needed.  I don’t even know all of who I need to thank.  But Georgi, you provided him shelter when he needed it...and Yuuri, you gave him a place to go.  So you have our thanks.  You will always be welcome on our ice.”  Shouts of “here, here” followed.  And any remaining animosity disappeared, Yuuri now a part of their family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much thanks to BluSkates and Magrathea for taking care of me. I think this has become OUR baby. :)


	37. Kiss Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri becomes more settled into Victor's family in St. Petersburg.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So life happened and I'm not going to have a chapter to post for Lifeline until later this week. In fact, if you didn't notice, nothing went up yesterday. I do have plenty of GY and L&F to keep going. Just nothing for Lifeline at the moment. A little stress induced writer's block. Give me a couple of days to get through my stressors and I'll be back in form. It never lasts long. 
> 
> Thank you to both BluSkates and Magrathea for your continued support as friends, beta readers, and editors.

* * *

 

[ Kiss Me ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yn9IAPgz3KE)

 

Yuuri’s eyes opened to a a hesitant tap on his door.  Straining his ears to concentrate, he waited for the repeat to be sure he had even heard it.  Slipping from the sheets, he opened to find Victor shifting nervously from one foot to the next.  The silverette looked a little ragged, hair mussed, eyes shadowed. “I can’t sleep by myself,” he whispered in confession, seeming a little embarrassed.

 

Yuuri stepped back to let Victor into the room.  He watched the younger man move into the space but Yuuri could see him shifting nervously, unsure where to settle.  Yuuri moved to him, stilling his path and slipping arms around him from behind, whispering next to his ear, “Hey,  _ anata _ , it’s me.  Relax. You’re home.”

 

He felt the slight body relax against his chest then turn into his arms.  Lowering his chin, Victor sought out Yuuri’s lips. The Japanese man met him halfway, the kiss quickly moving from one of meeting to the pressure of passion, lips parting, tongues darting in to meet and caress, as they opened up to each other.  Victor tangled his hands into Yuuri’s hair. “Need you,” he whispered.

 

Yuuri swallowed and considered their location and the stern glare he got from the high cheek-boned den mother of this house.  “We’ll have to be quiet,” he responded. They moved closer to the bed, pajamas dropping in silent rustles along the way until they were only clothed in their briefs.  They came together in demanding kisses, on the surface, hungrily tasting one another. Hands moved down one another’s backs kneading into the muscles, sliding over the planes, dipping just beneath the waistband of their briefs.

 

Victor pulled back to study Yuuri, his eyes holding brown eyes.  “Are you okay with this?”

 

Yuuri steadied his breath, “Yes...I just don’t want to bring Madame Lilia’s wrath down on me.”  His eyes darted to the door, then back to the sparkling blue of Victor’s.

 

Victor giggled.  “Understood. But she’ll never hear us over the snoring.”

 

“Yakov’s?” Yuuri raised an eyebrow.

 

Victor smirked, “Her own.”

 

Yuuri’s eyes shot wide,  _ well, there’s an image blown.   _ He focused on the man moving against his body, “What do you want?  Boundaries?”

 

Victor’s eyes traveled from Yuuri’s face to his neck, down his chest, taking in all the lovely curves of his torso.  “I need you to touch me...and taste me. I want to do the same to you.”

 

Yuuri glanced nervously down to the growing hardness in his partner’s briefs.  “I’ve never…”

 

Victor was quick to cover his partner’s embarrassment, “I know...and if you don’t want to, I understand.  I would never...force you to do it.”

 

“I wouldn’t...either.”  Yuuri watched Victor’s face as his words sank in, studying those big  blue eyes. “Are you sure you want to do this? I don’t want you to push yourself into something you’re not ready for.”

 

“I want to...now.  I promise if I can’t, I’ll pull back and regroup.”  He stopped, focusing his words and capturing the brown eyes, “Yuuri...you understand that everything he’s done to me, I may have to pull back and regroup a lot.  I’m not worried. I trust you.”

 

Yuuri swallowed and nodded.  “I just...I don’t want to get hung up in my head and not see that something is wrong.”

 

Victor nodded, he was worried about that as well.  “We’ll check on each other. Okay?”

 

“Colors,” Yuuri whispered in agreement.

 

“Green,” Victor teased softly, his hands sliding over Yuuri’s skin.  Up to this point, they mainly touched one another, trading handjobs along with kisses.  He slid his fingers into the edge of Yuuri’s briefs and eased them down his partner’s hips.  His lips traveled down Yuuri as he lowered himself to the ground, nipping and sucking marks into Yuuri’s skin.  He heard the moan, suppressed but present and smiled into the next kiss he pressed into Yuuri’s skin. On his knees he took in Yuuri’s scent, nuzzling into his pubic hair, trimmed and neat.  Pulling back, he looked up at Yuuri and asked, “Color?”

 

“G-green,” he murmured in reply, his fingers sliding through Victor’s silver strands.  “Are you...okay?”

 

Victor ducked down and gave the head an initial suck before coming back up and smiling coquettishly.  “So far.”

 

Yuuri felt his knees quake at the playful way Victor toyed with him, but resisted falling under the pull just yet.  He knew it would always be a risk trying something new. Small steps for some were big steps for them. But he loved the care his partner bestowed on him and only wished to do the same for Victor.  “Can we move this...to the bed? That has to be hard on your knees,” Yuuri suggested. He held out his hand helping Victor up before backing up on the bed. Victor crawled over him, leaning forward on his hands and knees to kiss him deeply, his tongue dipping into him.  “I could get drunk off of you,” he groaned as Victor tore his lips away. He could see the twinkle in his lover’s eyes.

 

The younger man dipped down, his tongue and lips skimming the surface of Yuuri’s body, then Yuuri’s eyes widened as a gasp escaped, that beautiful, heart shaped mouth enveloping him, swallowing him down.  His eyes blinked rapidly in pleasure at the pull of those lips as Victor rose up. He tightened his hands into the sheet as that tongue slid along the edge of his foreskin before those lips sucked at the tiny bit of fluid already surfacing.  “Fuck,” he hissed. He was in no way prepared for this.

 

Long fingers kneaded his hips as those lips continued to lavish attention along his length.  Yuuri instinctively wanted to buck into that wet heat but he held back, not wanting to overwhelm Victor.  The Japanese man knew how incredibly important it was that Victor set the pace to this, that Victor feel control over his actions.  He felt himself start to uncoil, his hands opening and closing on the sheets. “Vitya,” he hissed frantically. Blue eyes met his and he stated urgently, “I’m about to…”  The younger man swallowed him down and Yuuri felt himself tumble over the edge, his head falling back as he released into that beautiful mouth. Victor continued to suck his length until he had nothing else to give, leaving his partner a quivering mess on the sheets.

 

Breaking away, the younger man climbed up Yuuri’s body, watching him with interest and concern.  The man was beyond wrecked, somewhere between bliss and death. “Yuuri?” he whispered, half inquiry, half concern.

 

Yuuri looked up at him then reached up to pull him down into a deep kiss, rolling Victor onto his back in the process.  Pulling back, he studied Victor’s swollen lips as the younger man watched him with bewitching blue eyes, his pinky sliding between his teeth.  “God, you’re amazing.”

 

Victor giggled softly.  “Only for you, Yuuri,” he whispered back.

 

Yuuri then swallowed, glancing down nervously.  “I’m not sure…”

 

“Of course you’re not, no one is at first” Victor reassured him, his fingers sliding into Yuuri’s hair and gently carding through the strands.  “I don’t want you to do this if you don’t want to...especially if it hurts you. I know we have different triggers. Okay?”

 

Yuuri nodded drawing in a shaky breath.  “I just feel...inadequate.”

 

Victor’s expression softened into a tender smile.  “Don’t...I’m not holding you up to a measuring tape.  There’s nothing to compare you to, as there’s nothing to compare us to.  We learn by doing...just like skating. One thing at a time.”

 

“What do I do about my headspace?”

 

Victor sighed as he considered the right words.  “I focus on you, your pleasure, the sounds you make.  I listen and pay attention to your response, if you like something I do more, or increase the pressure, if you seem to not like it then I back off, but slowly.  Everything else is just...instinct.”

 

“I don’t know...how to take you deep?”  He dropped his eyes feeling the blush rise up.

 

Victor stroked his fingers through Yuuri’s hair drawing his eyes up.  “Then don’t. Not this time for sure. Just do what makes you comfortable.”

 

“But I...I want you to feel good, too.”  Yuuri could feel himself getting caught up in his head, his worries crowding out everything else.  Then he felt fingers tightening into his hair causing him to jerk his face up. Victor held onto his eyes, studying him before easing his hold onto Yuuri’s hair.  Yuuri’s lips parted, something in that subtle tug, pulling him into the present and into his body, making him very aware of his keen desire.

 

Victor’s eyes widened and he blinked almost horrified.  “I’m sorry, Yuuri...it’s just...you were stuck…”

 

Yuuri could hear the panic and he leaned forward.  “Shhh, Vitya. It’s alright.”

 

“But I...he...I pulled your hair…”  Victor’s eyes started to cloud over, memories crowding out the present and taking him out of the moment.

 

Yuuri relaxed his expression letting a soft smile play up to his lips.  “It’s what I needed, Vitya. It grounded me.” He wanted to speak gently, encourage the younger man to come back, instead of having to pull him out of thought.

 

Victor’s voice was shaky, but stronger.  “But...I don’t want to hurt you.”

 

“You didn’t.  It wasn’t even really a tug.  Just a tightness.” Yuuri sat back, relaxing his legs into a butterfly.  “You know I have anxiety. As close as we are, I let you see it more than anyone.  There...is a reason they used slap someone when they became hysterical. There’s...something grounding about pain.”

 

Victor drew himself inward.  “I...don’t like it.”

 

Yuuri reached out and took Victor’s hands into his.  “You don’t like it for you...or you don’t like it period?”

 

Victor blinked as he thought about it.  “I...know I don’t like it for me. H-he would pull my hair and use it to control me.  I...don’t know about the rest. I just…” He paused and looked up at Yuuri. “You...liked it?”

 

“As I said, it gave me what I needed.  Something to be grounded by. But I’m sure there are other things...I don’t want you to do something you’re not comfortable with.”

 

Victor drew in a deep breath and released it as if to cleanse his body of negative energy.  “I...panicked. Because...I knew I didn’t like it. I didn’t want to treat you the way he treated me.”

 

“You won’t...and I know you won’t.  You don’t have an abusive bone in your body.  And what you did...it wasn’t abusive.”

 

“I know...some people like pain.  I...don’t think I was ever one of those.  I appreciate the aches from a good workout.  I do not like...Yuuri, he would…” Victor’s voice faded as he turned and settled into Yuuri’s arms.  “I think...I just want you to hold me now.”

 

“I feel like you got cheated in all of this,” Yuuri murmured as he gathered Victor close.

 

Victor snuggled into Yuuri’s arms, his head resting on the older man’s shoulder.  “This...is what I need right now.” His eyes closed as Yuuri held him cradled into his arms.  After a few minutes, his eyes fluttered back open. His little voice pushing to the surface as he calmed, “I think...we’ll both have these moments.  So...let’s just try to be what the other one needs in those moments.”

 

Yuuri brushed his lips into Victor’s hair.  “I can do that.” After smoothing his hair, he asked, “Do you want to lay down now?  And sleep?” Victor nodded against Yuuri’s chest. “Do you mind if I at least grab my briefs?”  Victor huffed and flounced back on the pillow. Yuuri mussed his boyfriend’s hair with a chuckle before jumping out of bed and searching for his underwear.  Once he crawled back into bed, Victor settled back into his arms. Yuuri played with Victor’s hair until the younger man’s breathing evened out into sleep.

 

* * *

  
  


Victor loved it when he was first on the ice.  Leaving the first impressions on that clear surface, the slick, almost too fast sensation of the clean ice under his blades, were what he needed for his first skate at his home rink.  It was an off day for the majority of the skaters, giving Yakov time to work one on one with his visiting student. 

 

Yuuri and Victor arrived just before six, his bodyguards securing the surroundings while the old coach let the two skaters in through the main entrance.  Akio took charge of the door. The lead guard was more on edge than yesterday. If something were to happen it would be today, his two principals were going to separate into a building with too many entrances, and an outdated security system.  At least the crowd would be small, less bodies to watch.

 

Yuuri, not wanting to be in the way, took advantage of the weight room and cardio equipment.  Yakov, however, didn’t let him completely snake away. “I expect you on the ice at ten sharp, Katsuki.”

 

Yuuri’s eyes widened.  “Yes, sir,” he responded without hesitation.

 

Victor smiled at Yuuri’s retreating form then refocused on lacing up his skates.  Stepping out on the ice, he cast his eyes around the familiar space then smiled at Yakov’s bark, “Twenty minute warm up then short program from the top.  Let’s see how much work we have to do.”

 

By ten, Victor was pink cheeked and winded but felt even more solid in his program.  He met Yuuri at the break in the barrier, one leaving the ice while the was other coming on.  “He didn’t totally rework it,” Victor exclaimed in a low and excited voice.

 

Yuuri’s eyes sparkled.   _ Of course not, _ he thought.  Ciao Ciao had already worked through the initial bugs and both Victor and Yuuri had torn it apart several times.  By the time the program was performed on Russian ice for Yakov, Victor was able to concentrate on the skate as a whole, each move flowing logically and elegantly into the next.  Thanks to Ciao Ciao, the point value had been marginally increased and it was only Yakov’s keen eye that could pull out the few remaining corrections needed. But Yuuri still grinned in return watching Victor’s chin lift high with confidence as he retreated to the gym.

 

“Twenty minutes, Katsuki,” the old coach demanded shaking Yuuri out of his thoughts.  “Then let me see your program from the top.”

 

“Sir?  I don’t want to be any trouble,” Yuuri protested.  He had been grateful enough to be given any time for practice, but the idea that he would get a critique from Yakov had never entered his thoughts.

 

The old coach leveled a gaze at him.  “You and Vitya cooked up this exchange.  While you’re here, you’re mine. Twenty minutes!”

 

Yuuri started.  “Yes, sir!” As he moved through his warm up, he couldn’t help but smile.  Victor had talked further with Yakov last night and the old coach called Celestino afterwards.  On speaker, they worked out the details and soon Victor had two coaches. Yuuri just didn’t expect the courtesy to extend to him.  He respected that the coach was a busy man. However, no one turned down advice or training from the man, one of the few true legends of the sport.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Yuuri shifted nervously in front of his mirror when a soft knock pulled him from his thoughts.  Welcoming the interruption, he opened it to admit Victor who studied him severely. He watched Victor’s expression tighten as the younger man surveyed his appearance.

 

“What?  I’m nervous enough.” Yuuri demanded.

 

“You’re beautiful…” Victor began diplomatically, blue eyes broadcasting their sincerity, but then those eyes flicked down to Yuuri’s chest, fingers thumbing his tie.

 

“But?” Yuuri prompted with a raised eyebrow.

 

Victor hummed, “Don’t take this wrong...but I really hate that tie.  It...looks like a remnant from prep school.” He released the hideous cornflower monster, letting it fall back against the chest.

 

Yuuri frowned as he looked at the basic blue tie.  “Well, it doesn’t have a school emblem on it,” Yuuri argued.

 

“No school would put their emblem on it.”  Victor sighed dramatically. “It doesn’t...suit you.”

 

Yuuri flicked his eyes up just short of an eye roll.  “And what would you have me wear, my darling?” he prodded, not irritated but more amused.

 

Victor tapped his pursed lips with his index finger thoughtfully.  “It’s not formal but I’d go with something in the burgundy family. You’re a fall/winter person with your skin tone, hair, and eyes, and jewel tones with deep undertones are your friend.  I like seeing you in reds because it brings out the flecks of cinnamon in your irises.”

 

“Well, I’m glad you think this deeply of my eyes, but…” Yuuri glanced at the dresser that held a few of his clothes and accessories.  “I only brought this and a black one.”

 

Victor frowned.  “Black is too formal.  Come with me to my room.”

 

Yuuri followed the man down the hall, his fingers loosening the knot as they walked.  In the room, he noted the evidence of Victor’s childhood. Bunnies and books littered a shelf along the window.  Accessories were draped over the corner of the mirror, which among skating ribbons earned in his youth included a feather boa in hot pink.  A delicate, unfinished tutu graced a dress form in the corner along with a few necklaces. Sitting on the nightstand, he spied a photo frame of mother and son.  She looked so much like her son, her hair delicate silvery blonde, her eyes wintery blue. The picture had her kneeling behind Child Victor, her arms wrapped around him in an outdoor setting.  Victor’s heart shaped smile showed it to be a good day.

 

The younger man opened his closet and a rack on the inner door showed the meticulous organization of Victor’s belts, ties, and scarves.  He clicked his tongue as he considered his options, selecting a deep burgundy with hints of gold in a diamond pattern. He took the offending one discarding it with a sniff and looped the replacement around Yuuri’s neck, his fingers moving in precise movements to knot the tie in a half Windsor.  Yuuri checked his reflection and nodded with approval even as he met Victor’s gaze in the mirror. The younger man stood behind him, his smile as soft as his eyes as he admired his lover in the reflection.

 

Victor wore a small scarf tied off at the side of his neck and a soft silk blouse in lilac skimming the top of his skinny cut black slacks.  He slipped his feet into a pair of leather loafers. Adding gloss and mascara, he turned for approval.

 

Yuuri’s eyes sparkled as he took in Victor’s personal style with a smile.   _ It’s unfair, you are gorgeous in just pajamas, but then you can transform yourself into something otherworldly in your beauty.   _ “Beautiful,” he murmured and watched Victor light up.

 

Downstairs, they found a cranky blonde on his Nintendo 3DS waiting in a basic pair of slacks, jacket and open neck button up...untucked.  “We going?” he grunted.

  
  


* * *

  
  


They arrived at Pyotr and Katya’s apartment half an hour later.  During the drive, little Yuri asked Akio a thousand questions about his job.  Yuuri caught the kid studying him a few times and wondered if having bodyguards increased or decreased his cool factor in the kid’s eyes.  The door opened to their knock and all of the sudden, they were pulled into a warm apartment.

 

“Oh, good, you brought Yura,” Katya declared.  “You can keep Mila company so she doesn’t talk off Vitya’s ear.”

 

Yuri groaned but then drifted towards the redhead who had her head buried into a game.  Katya turned back towards her guests. “Mila heard you were here and wanted to make sure she was invited.  I hope that’s okay.”

 

Victor grinned, “Of course.  I...want to get as much time with friends...with family...as I can before I go.”

 

“So...you’re moving to America,” Pyotr declared warmly.  He guided them into the kitchen where the guests sat at the bar while they finished preparing dinner.  “Tell me, what are your plans?”

 

Victor dropped his eyes shyly.  “Apparently, I’m really smart.”

 

Katya laughed warmly.  “Of course you’re smart!  Do you not remember helping Ivan with his homework?  He’s two years older than you.”

 

Victor blushed and shrugged.  “I guess I forgot. I just...thought I was doing the work assigned to me.  I never really thought about how well I did.”

 

“Well, that’s odd,” Pyotr stated.  “You were always very particular about your schoolwork.”

 

Victor shrugged.  “I’m very particular about everything.”

 

The other three laughed and Pyotr rejoined, “That’s true.  So where will you live?”

 

“With Phichit and me,” Yuuri said softly.  “We have a three bedroom apartment situated between the rink and campus.  They allow pets so Phichit is helping Makkachin to get settled.”

 

Victor smiled as he brought out his phone and showed one of the many pictures Phichit sent to him, part of Victor’s very specific instructions left behind.  “Apparently, Makkachin likes hamsters.” The poodle was stretched out on her pillow with three hamsters crawling all over her.

 

Katya snorted.  “Or at least tolerates them.  Such a sweet dog. I’m going to miss her.”

 

Victor frowned, sniffing suddenly and he turned as he felt Yuuri’s hand settle on his back moving up and down to calm him.  “I’m going to miss all of you. It’s been hard to be away.”

 

“Then why don’t you just come home?” Pyotr asked with a thoughtful frown.

 

Victor’s eyes met Yuuri’s with a sigh, shaking his head slightly communicating to the older man that he couldn’t bring himself to discuss his fears, not now.  Yuuri nodded then turned to face his friends. “I offered...I mean we could somehow find a middle ground. Part of the year here and part of the year in Detroit.  But the thing is...we don’t really know what happened to Mikhail. And I think...it wouldn’t be a good plan to stay in his hunting grounds, not without knowing anything definite.  There’s a reason I brought so many men with me.”

 

Pyotr turned his eyes back to Victor and held those blue eyes for a long time.  Finally, he conceded, “As much as we hate to let you go, we’d rather know you are alive far away than worry about him hurting you again.”

 

Katya and Pyotr watched as Victor took in a shaky breath and Yuuri drew him into his arms.  As the couple observed the two men and how Yuuri took care of Victor, they felt even better about this arrangement.

 

“So what will you study?” Katya inquired as she began plating up the food.

 

Victor smiled, squeezing his shoulders in shyly.  “Literature. Yuuri thought I’d like being a college professor.  I don’t know. But I like to read...and write. So we will see.”

 

“I always thought you’d go into fashion,” Katya declared.

 

Victor shrugged.  “That feels like the safe path.  I mean, I can always make costumes on the side...or at least design my own.  But...that was what Mama did. I want my own story. So much of what I did was a reflection of her...this degree, that’s all me.”

 

Pyotr grinned.  “Well, good for you.”  They began carrying the plates to the table when the doorbell rang.  “Well, who the hell is that?” he frowned.

 

Katya rolled her eyes and went to answer the door.  “Oh, boys! Hello!” She moved her little frame out of the way of several members of the rink family as they crowded in, smiling as she swatted them playfully.

 

“We heard Victor was here and thought we’d stop by,” Ivan’s voice came across the entry.  Soon the room filled with three more skaters, Ivan, Dmytri, and heart worn Georgi. Ivan spotted his Bunny and moving across the space and soon enveloped the much smaller man in a bear hug.  The others followed him in and voices became much louder as more plates were prepared and carried to the table. Mila and Yuri volunteered to eat at the bar, which they snickered was the kids table.

 

As dark bread was passed around the table, the couple were plied with questions.  “How did you like Japan?” Georgi inquired.

 

Victor smiled warmly.  “I’m going to miss it, to be honest.  Yuuri’s family made me feel welcome and a part of them from the start.  His mother has been so sweet, always making me tea and finding me when I was sad or unsettled.”

 

“Does that mean you won’t be coming back to Russia?” Ivan pouted.

 

Victor laughed.  “No. I’ve worked something out with Yakov to come to Russia between semesters.  And I’ll come to Russia for Nationals, of course.” He then grew solemn and serious.  “I just...still feel real jumpy.”

 

The table grew quiet at the admission.  No one truly knew what to say but they all felt the same way.  Without a body, they could never rest easily. Dmitry studied his plate before murmuring, “I wish we could give you more definitive news about the bastard.”

 

“Me, too,” Victor responded quietly.  He glanced up as Yuuri squeezed his hand.  Smiling, he turned back to them. “Yuuri takes good care of me, though.  So you don’t need to worry.”

 

The others studied the Japanese man and finally Ivan spoke.  “You do seem much more yourself these days. We’ve missed your smile.”  The atmosphere began relaxing.

 

Victor blushed glancing down at his plate.  “It’s much easier to smile with Yuuri around.”

 

That brought a blush to Yuuri’s cheeks even as his eyes rested tenderly on his lover.  “I think we pulled each other from the darkness.”

 

Victor then focused on the others.  Without Yakov and Lilia to monitor conversation, they began sharing rink gossip.  As they wrapped up for the evening, Katya mentioned in passing, “You know that one janitor you were always nice to?  She seemed to disappear after you left. We all thought that was a bit strange.”

 

Victor frowned as he remembered her.  “I hope she’s okay.”

 

Pyotr noticing the change in Victor’s mood redirected the conversation.  “So, if you’re moving to America, I guess we need to pack up your apartment.”

 

Victor chewed his lips, the thought of returning to his apartment was difficult, “Oh, I couldn’t ask you to do that.  You already helped me move to Yakov’s.”

 

They all began to protest until Katya took over their disagreement.  “I don’t recall you asking. We offered...and we’d be greatly insulted if you turned us down.”  She knew he would be upset there, and the more people there were to distract him, and make the process faster, the better it would be.  “Let us do this for you, Vitya. You’ll finish faster. We know you don’t like to be there as it gets closer to six.”

 

Yuuri’s eyes narrowed and snapped to Katya’s eyes at that even as Victor agreed.  As the men moved into the living room, Yuuri joined Katya in the kitchen to help her clean.  “You don’t have to,” she protested.

 

“I grew up in a restaurant.  Dishes go quick for me.” Soon they had a rhythm going and finally he nudged the conversation.  “Why six?”

 

Katya looked far off for a moment as she gathered her thoughts.  “Apparently that’s when Mikhail would show up. Precisely at six.”

 

“I always noticed he’d get apprehensive around that time but I don’t think he even realized it.”

 

She scrubbed at a spot, taking out her frustration on the innocent plate.  “It’s like...he dreaded it. Even when we traveled, his eyes would start watching the time and he’d get antsy.  It wasn’t until later that we found out why.”

 

Yuuri’s hands stilled as he stared into the sudsy water.  “If I could have spared him all of that, you know I would have.”

 

She watched his face, seeing the sincerity and self blame there.  Bumping into him with her hip she directed him to look up at her. “We know, Yuuri.  We can all see that you’re crazy about him. I just...we all misjudged you. Vitya...he’s very high strung and emotional...but we love him.  He’s our little brother. And it killed us to know he was with that monster. It’s just that no one knew how to stop it.”

 

The Japanese man nodded, and smiled sadly, “I was working on it.  Especially when I realized the man stalked him beforehand. I just wanted him to be safe.  Even if...it meant he still didn’t choose me.”

 

Katya smiled sadly.  “He’s safe now...and apparently he  _ did _ choose you.  Just make him happy.  That’s all we ask.”

 

“I’ll try...I’ll dedicate my lifetime to his happiness.”

  
  


* * *

  
  


When they arrived home that evening, Yuri took off to play with his cat, Victor was fading fast and after a brief goodnight kiss, went upstairs.  Yuuri stayed behind to brief the bodyguards about the next day’s plan. Victor wanted to pack up his apartment but Yuuri wanted them to be long gone before six.  Since the apartment was a location where Volkov would frequently pick Victor up, and undoubtedly being watched if Volkov were still alive, Yuuri didn’t want to spare a single man.  All six would be on the lookout. The skate team would join them after lunch to help them finish up.

 

With a plan in place, he climbed the stairs feeling his own weariness set in.  He knocked lightly on Victor’s door before peeking inside. The younger man was curled up with a patchwork bunny in his arms.  Yuuri watched the moonlight spill across his pale form.  _ Sleep well, my sweet Vitya _ .

 

Backing out of the room, he closed the door quietly before continuing down to his own room.  He changed into pajamas and checked in with Phichit.

 

**Yuuri/ Have you seen any movement?**

 

**Peach/ I have covered as much of your trail as I can.  But if anyone was really looking, they’d know you were in Russia.**

 

**Yuuri/ Unavoidable.  That’s why I have six men with me.**

 

**Peach/ Not even a bleep out of MV.  He could be dead. But...if he liquidated to cash, he could be underground.  I have facial recognition software going through cams in St. Petersburg. Nothing has turned up.**

 

**Yuuri/ Avoiding CCTV in this country is too easy.  If he could put Victor in an abandoned hospital, he’s probably got more hiding places.**

 

**Peach/ Undoubtedly.  I’ll keep an eye out.  Be careful.**

 

**Yuuri/ I will.**

 

Yuuri shifted uncomfortably after his conversation with Phichit.  Suddenly the room was too empty, and too far from where he wanted to be.  Eyes flicking to the door, he wondered if he’d be welcome in Victor’s bed.  He slipped back out into the hallway and tapped on the younger man’s door.

 

A moment later, Victor sleepily opened the door.  “Why didn’t you stay the first time you came by?”

 

Yuuri’s voice was tight, his body moving in stuttered motions.  “I thought you were asleep...and didn’t want to disturb you.”

 

Victor became a little more alert noticing that Yuuri was a bit more on edge.  “What changed? Is everything alright?”

 

“Maybe a little paranoia.  I just...need to be close to you.  To know you’re alright.” Yuuri reached out a hand, grazing the loose tee shirt hanging from Victor’s frame.

 

Victor took his hand and pulled him into the room.  “You are always welcome by my side. Next time, just come in.”

 

“Well, you knocked last night…”

 

Victor frowned before adding, “I...didn’t want to startle you.  I know what Hikaru did to you.”

 

Yuuri was running hands on Victor’s arm, as if to assure himself the younger man was truly there and safe.  “It’s different. You are also always welcome by my side.”

 

Victor smiled, pulling Yuuri into his bed.  As he leaned in to kiss Yuuri, he watched the older man glance nervously towards the picture.  “What is it?”

 

“I...can’t make love to you with your mother watching,” Yuuri hissed.

 

Victor snorted and Yuuri promptly shushed him even as they both laughed under their breaths.  “I’m sure my mother is aware that we’ve done more than kissing.”

 

“I don’t find that comforting,” Yuuri murmured with a shiver.

 

Victor rolled his eyes.  “ _ Your _ mother is aware that we do more than kissing,” he pointed out.

 

Yuuri blushed.  “I find that even less comforting!”

 

“Dammit Yuuri, just kiss me!” Victor demanded.  Yuuri rolled Victor onto his back and very thoroughly acquiesced to the younger man’s demand.  Because, really...Yuuri would give him anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) So I hope you found some giggles in this one.


	38. Shiver

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yep, still in St. Petes!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to BluSkates and Magrathea for your support.

* * *

 

* * *

* * *

[ Shiver ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1o84y-5-cO0)

 

Yuuri blinked his eyes open, no longer able to avoid the call of nature without embarrassing consequences.  Sandwiched between the wall and Victor, the latter of which was sprawled across him, arms and legs pinning him in place, he knew this would be a delicate operation without waking his partner.  He reached down and carefully removed the arm only to have Victor draw it to his chest with protest in his sleep. Next came the leg. The ankle was hooked around Yuuri’s calf. He scooted up only to feel Victor cuddle into him.  Looking up at the wall, he considered the convenience it would have been to be Spiderman. As it were, he had to use very human skills to extricate himself. He reached down and unhooked the ankle holding Victor’s leg enough to slide his leg free.

 

His escape was in sight but he was in the furthest corner from the edge.   _ I’m a figure skater.  I can do this.  _ With resolve, he arched up out of bed and spidered over his partner flipping around until he settled gently on the other side.   _ I might not be Peter Parker, but I could give Yuri’s cat a run for his money with that move!   _ Feet on floor, he found his slippers and robe.  He turned back at the door to see his partner curl into a ball.  Mild protest on his lips. He eased open the door and backed out quietly, closing the door with the softest of clicks.  He released the breath he had been holding as a sigh of relief. Turning on the ball of his foot, his eyes widened as he came face to face with Madame Lilia.

 

They studied one another, she sized him up as he desperately searched for an escape route.  He wasn’t certain what to read from those narrowing eyes as they assessed him. Her eyes traveled to the door he just exited and raised an eyebrow.  “I’m surprised you both could fit given all of the bunnies he keeps in there.”

 

Yuuri’s mouth opened in surprise.   _ Was that humor?  Do I laugh?  _ “Ummm, they are mostly on a shelf.”

 

Sensing his amazement she continued, “When he was younger, he’d line the bed with them.  They’d take up half the surface, pushing him off the bed..." She stopped, thinking back, “No, more like he was barricading himself from the wall.”

 

Yuuri’s eyes dropped as he thought about the shadow thing in his room back in Hasetsu.   _ At least, I think it’s still there _ .  Victor had a couple of nightmares after they left but he didn’t seem to disappear as much.   _ Does she know?   _ “H-he had me take the wall,” Yuuri murmured.

 

She nodded, as if what he said only confirmed what she had supposed years ago, “He was always wary of dark corners, sometimes eyeing them like something was watching him.  But when he surrounded himself with the items his mother left for him, he’d seem to find some ease.”

 

“Do you...know why that is?”  Yuuri pushed, knowing this woman had seen Victor through this problem before, and hoping she had more information than what his own mother could understand through her intuition.

 

Her eyes narrowed as she considered the man before him.  “You know who his father is...was.” It was half querry, half statement.  Yuuri nodded. “They say the family made some dark deals to gain power, generations back.  Trading a part of themselves to further their interests, destroy rivals. Some say that curse attached itself to the descendents.”  Then she blinked, her eyes fading to humor. “That is, if you believe such things. It’s an odd family and I’m glad we were able to help keep Victor from them...well, as much as we managed.”  Her eyes rested on the door as her hand ran down the facing, her features darkening with that final phrase. “I just want to know he’s safe and happy, Katsuki. That’s what is important to me.  That’s what his mother wanted.”

 

“I want that, too,” he reassured her.

 

She offered a thin smile.  “I’ve interrupted you. You’re going to his apartment today, da?”

 

Yuuri nodded.  “I’m hoping we manage to get it packed out.”

 

Her mouth took on a grim posture, “Be careful.  Volkov...he has a way of snaking into places. Yakov talked to the building manager.  Apparently Mikhail had been seen leaving a few times but no one knew how he got there.  Several of those times, Vitya was out of town.”

 

Yuuri pursed his lips, this was confirmation of what Akio had suggested was happening.  He knew the guard would be prepared. “We’ll be careful. I’ll have all of my men on high alert.”

 

Her eyes rested on the door.  He could tell she was hesitant about her next words.  “I miss him...when he’s gone. If sending him away keeps him safe, then it’s selfish to keep him close.  However, I can’t help but want that. But I think I’d sleep easier knowing he was far away...from that man.”

 

“I...would too.  I know Yakov wants to work with Victor a few more days. I’ve already called my grandfather to see if we can have the plane on standby.  I think...it would be better than traveling commercially.”

 

Her eyes sharpened on him, “Keep your travel plans close, Katsuki.  We are not sure, but Yakov thinks that Volkov had eyes in the rink.”

 

“So do I.”

 

They finally parted and Yuuri managed to make it to the bathroom before returning to his partner.  As he climbed across Victor, the younger man’s eyes fluttered open. “You were gone a while.”

 

“I tried to not wake you,” Yuuri protested.

 

Victor giggled.  “I was having a hard time not laughing at your efforts.”

 

“You suck!”  But his grin took away any sting in his words.  “Apparently Madame Lilia doesn’t have an issue with our sleeping together.  She just figured you wouldn’t have room with all of your bunnies.”

 

Victor grinned.  “And I won’t give a single one of them up.  Although, Patches I think will stay behind and keep watch over this room.”  He reached up to the space between their pillows and pulled the bunny free. “My mother made him first.  He’s made from the scraps of costumes she was sewing for the company. I think I was around three and I had a lot of nightmares back then.  So we travelled to my aunt...she was my mother’s aunt, really...quite old, even then, but the closest I had to a babushka. Aunt Polia told mother to put smells into my stuffed animals.  Lavender, cinnamon, clove, I’m not sure what else, but it seems your mother has similar ideas with what you put in Mr. Darcy and Col. Brandon. She said they create protections around their person.”

 

“What were they protecting you from?” Yuuri asked with furrowed brows.

 

Victor shrugged.  “I remember I kept seeing a dark shadowman in my room.  He made me very scared. But now, after learning about my father, I wonder if it was him.”

 

Yuuri shook his head slightly, “Based on what we learned, I don’t think he would have scared you.  But...did you have a lot of nightmares growing up?”

 

Victor nodded.  “Everytime they started up again, Mama would make a new bunny.  It’s like, she would make a bunny, and they would go away, only to start up again, and she would repeat the process.  Almost as if the shadowman got stronger so she had to make more protections. And then,” he raised his hand to the menagerie on the shelf, “that’s how I got this many.”

 

“Were your nightmares about the shadowman?”

 

Victor hesitantly shook his head.  Yuuri watched the blue eyes fade in thought, “No...he was...like on the edge of my nightmares.  It felt like he was controlling it. Kind of like a dark sandman...instead of good dreams, he brings nightmares.”  Victor shivered as the memory washed over him from his childhood.

 

Yuuri frowned as he considered his partner’s words.  He’d have to share this information with his mother when they returned to Hasetsu.  Leaning in, he brushed a kiss against Victor’s forehead. The younger man snuggled in murmuring against Yuuri’s skin, “It’s silly, I know.”

 

Yuuri rubbed his cheek against Victor’s head.  “No, not at all. I’ve heard of kids being plagued with night terrors.  I...had enough anxiety that I didn’t have room for nightmares for the most part.”

 

“So...there’s a good side of anxiety?”

 

Yuuri laughed bitterly.  “If you could call it that...I think...we are up.  How about you?”

 

Victor nodded against him.  “But I don’t want to move yet.  I...feel warm and safe here. In your arms.”

 

Something fluttered through Yuuri.  He wanted that. For Victor to be warm and safe with him.  He planned through their day as they lay together, going over the concerns Akio brought up last night.  It was determined there would be two men on the floor with the couple, two on the ground and two patrolling the block outside.  The skaters would join them later to finish up anything left undone.

 

* * *

  
  
  


Victor sat still tension moving up his body in the SUV as they pulled to a stop out front.  He could feel Yuuri’s hand moving up and down his back in slow reassuring strokes. Three men got out checking around the building before radioing back the all-clear.  Still, Yuuri had to coax Victor out of the vehicle, the younger man’s breathing becoming more rapid as he fought through his panic eyes darting around looking for shadows in the bushes, real or imagined.  Yuuri spoke steady, calming phrases guiding him to the building.

 

Inside, they were met by the building superintendent, something they had called ahead to arrange.  As the superintendent passed the keys over, he confessed, “I learned the work order to change the locks was not taken care of immediately.  In fact, it was only a couple of weeks ago that I received the new keys from maintenance.”

 

Victor rubbed the keys with his thumb, his eyes staring at the desk unfocused.  Yuuri could see that Victor was fading, pulling back into himself in the memory of this building.  It was Yuuri that asked the next question. “Has...anyone...been seen around here?”

 

“No one’s spotted the ex, if that’s what you’re asking.  I have a number of residents, and they have guests that come in and out so it’s hard to keep a tab on residence versus guests.  I’ve suggested to the owners that we put in one of those buzzers where the residents have to permit their guests entrance. It’s not been approved yet.”

 

“That would be good,” Yuuri agreed.  “However, I think...Victor is letting go of his lease.”

 

The superintendent nodded as if it was expected.  “It’s hard to stay in a place once it’s been violated.  My daughter had her college dorm broken into while she was out.  She ended up having to move to a completely different building. Even then, she was a bit jumpy after the move.”

 

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Yuuri empathized.  His eyes rested on Victor who didn’t seem to be in the moment with him.  It had been a while since Victor dissociated like this and Yuuri wanted to get him into the apartment, packed, and gone as quickly as possible.  “We’ll come down and turn in the keys once we’ve got him moved out. Could you have any paperwork ready for him to sign?”

 

The superintendent nodded, his eyes watching the young man with concern.  “We try to keep a safe building here...it’s just that sometimes, no matter what you do, you can’t keep them out.”

 

“I know...no one is blaming you.  As you said, sometimes it’s just hard to stay in a place.”  Yuuri took Victor’s hand and pulled the younger man’s attention towards him.  Victor lifted his eyes and Yuuri could see the fear vibrating within. Glancing to the superintendent and in a desire to put those words out there to remind Victor they weren’t alone, he added, “I have some friends keeping an eye out.  They will be around the building, and they would be distinctive, as they are also Japanese. There are six of them. We’ll be out of the way once I have him packed up, but I thought you should know.”

 

The superintendent took Yuuri’s meaning, grimacing towards his front door.  “Thank you. Let me know if I can do anything to help. Victor has always been a good resident.  Clean and quiet, not a word of complaint.”

 

At the sound of his name Victor finally blinked out of the place he was hung up in and looked at the building manager.  “Thank you. I’m sorry...I can’t stay. If there are any fees…”

 

The older man waved a patient hand, cutting him off, “You’ve paid the last month’s rent up front.  That, with your pet and security deposit, should square you away. If there is any money to be returned to you…”

 

Victor blinked in consideration then smiled softly.  “Just send it to the rink in care of Yakov Feltsman. He’ll take care of it.  Thank you.”

 

Yuuri guided him into the hallway.  “ _ Anata _ , where’s your room?”  Victor looked down at the key.  The number was printed on it, but Victor still seemed too lost in himself to lead them to his former home.  Yuuri took it and led Victor upstairs, noticing his steps slowed as they drew closer. Victor stopped in front of the door and stood still.  Across the hall, a boy tumbled out of his room. The boy’s eye lit up at the sight of Victor and he quickly flung himself around the slender waste.  Pulling back, they shared a few words in Russian. Yuuri recognized little beyond Victor’s name and Makkachin. The boy tightened his hold on the backpack and headed down the hall, presumably to school.

 

Yuuri inserted the key, releasing the Yale lock, then coaxed Victor inside.  The younger man scanned the room with a frown. “Some things have been moved,” he breathed, his voice hitching with fear.

 

Yuuri thinned his lips.  “I sort of expected it. This would be the first place he probably looked after finding you gone.”

 

Victor nodded grimly.  Then he wrapped his arms around himself, eyes moving about the apartment, “I hoped...do you think he’s watching this place?”

 

Yuuri sighed, he crossed to put warm hands on Victor’s arms.  “Honestly...yes. If he’s alive, he is probably watching the places you frequented.  That’s why I brought so many men with us.”

 

Victor huffed.  He knew the reasons but having them said aloud made it more real.  “I guess we should get this done.”

 

Yuuri started in the kitchen wiping down the cabinets and shelves as he cleared them.  Victor had a few boxes for food that would go to Katya. “She feeds too many at times.”  The refrigerator was empty except for water bottles, but with the seals broken, they decided to pour them down the drain.  Victor was too worried about any possible retaliation from Mikhail and put nothing past the man. The dishes were packed carefully, the Japanese man raising an eyebrow at the particular fashion in which Victor handled the plates, bowls and teacups.  Yuuri learned the sparse china Victor had was his mother’s, stored at Yakov’s until he was old enough to move out.

 

The plethora of books came next.  Classics and modern, romance and fantasy, essays and satire, plays and poetry.  Yuuri helped Victor to pack them efficiently, stacking the boxes next to the door.  The bedding, linens, and curtains were bagged up. Finally, collectibles, games, electronics, and DVDs were the finishing touches, emptying the apartment for the next occupant.  Yuuri kept them moving diligently, not wanting to be there anywhere near six.

 

At noon, the other skaters arrived carrying piroshkis from a stand along the way.  The couple took a break to enjoy the lunch the group brought. The talk and laughter, helping to distract Victor.  Then the lot of them began loading the SUVs, Katya and Pyotr taking the boxes designated for them to their own car.

 

Finally, Victor went once more through the apartment humming with satisfaction.  “It’s finished.”

 

Yuuri put a hand on his back, feeling the emotion in the younger man’s voice.  “Let’s wrap up with the building superintendent and get out of here, then.” The manager had the paperwork ready.  Victor signed off on the contract closure, thankful not to have to pay the extra fees for breaking contract. They walked out of the building shortly before three.

 

Outside, the men surrounded them and guided them to the cars, two having stayed with the vehicles at all times.  Victor stilled as they drew close, his eyes studying a particularly shadowy area in the park across the street. With a shiver, he shook off the chill, and allowed himself to be guided into the waiting vehicle.

 

* * *

  
  


Katya stood in the entry sorting through the mail as Pyotr came up behind her.  She frowned at the package.  It was hastily wrapped in reused bags but that wasn’t what worried her.  “Pyotr? This doesn’t have a return address.”

 

Pyotr came up behind her sliding his arms around her waist.  “Were you expecting something?” He hadn’t heard the alarm in her voice, which was partially calmed by his strong arms around her.

 

“No…”  She studied the box apprehensively.  She wrinkled her brow as she fought open the wrapping a mess of tape and uneven folds in paper.  Slowly she opened the box. Lifting the lid, her eyes widened as she dropped the box.

 

He steadied her in his arms and turned her to put her back to its contents.  When he felt her calm enough, Pyotr frowned as he bent down to pick it up. “I guess that answers the question as to whether or not he’s alive.”

 

Katya whispered into her hands, clutched to her mouth.  “Oh, Vitya…”

 

Pyotr stood up, facing her again, “They leave soon.  We’ll tell Yakov.”

 

“Do you think Mikhail can get to him?”

 

He saw the horror in her eyes, and smiled, hoping to stave off the terror he felt himself.  “With a small army maybe...but those men Yuuri surrounds Vitya with aren’t thugs off the street.  They’ve been trained to protect their people.”

 

Katya looked at the box in his hand.  “Should we...give that to the police?”

 

_ And what will they do?   _ Pyotr shrugged, “Let me call Yakov.  He has a nephew working this case.”

 

The call to Yakov worked quickly.  The older coach making the decision not to tell Victor, which Pyotr agreed to instantly.  However, an hour later Nikolai was in their apartment interviewing them and the box was taken as evidence.

 

As the hour approached nine, Katya wandered restlessly through the house cleaning what was already spotless.  Pyotr looked worriedly at his partner. Finally, he wrapped his arms around her and led her to their room. Kisses and touches echoed reassurances and she finally settled into a restless sleep.  Pyotr stared into the darkness unsure how to protect his little brother and his fiance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lifeline is on hiatus officially. It may be a month before I get to it again. I need to get past my stress period. This one and L&F are still going, though. I just don't have the mental capacity to juggle three plot lines at the moment.


	39. Pluto

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We catch up with Victor's last days in Russia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is being published in tandem with BluSkates' [Sense and Sensibility](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13205118/chapters/30206454) next chapter. Many have asked what's been going on with Mikhail. She's about to answer your question.
> 
> And so much thanks to Blu and Mags for all of your support in this project!

* * *

 

[ Pluto ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWaYWsNW5ew)

  
  


**Three Days Prior**

Apprehension built up in Victor the longer they stayed in Russia.  Yuuri noticed it worsened when they were out; the silver haired man continued to check his surroundings, looking over his shoulder.  By the end of the week, he only traveled between the rink and Lilia’s estate. Once they had returned to the estate he stayed inside, taking up vigil near the windows, scanning for anyone walking past, eyeing all delivery people, even servants he didn’t recognize.  Yuuri watched him, worrying about the sudden regression.

 

“I can’t shake this feeling...like he’s watching me,” Victor explained, having noticed Yuuri’s concern.

 

“This is why we can’t stay,” Yuuri sighed, his arms slipping around him from behind.  “I hate for you not to feel safe.”

 

Victor looked up at him, his expression forlorn.  “You don’t think I’m safe either,” he countered quietly.  “I can tell. The way Akio and you talk quietly when you don’t think I can hear.”

 

Yuuri’s face fell.  He certainly couldn’t deny that argument.  He worried if he should tell Victor his concerns but in the end decided otherwise.  However, he could move up the timeline to get Victor out of Russia even sooner than planned.  “Let’s finish out the week, pack you up here...then we’ll return to Hasetsu. I know...my family wants to see us one more time before we are back into the swing of practice and school.”

 

Victor’s face took on a defeated look, “I hate leaving Yakov so soon after arriving.  Yakov and Lilia.”

 

Yuuri pasted on a reassuring smile even as he remembered the conversation with Lilia in the hallway.  “I know...but they understand. As much as they miss you, they will be more at ease with you far away from here...from him.”

 

Victor huffed.  “We don’t even know if there’s a  _ him _ to be far away from.”

 

Yuuri tightened his expression.  His gut instinct shouted that Mikhail was alive.  To Victor, he gentled his words. “So we have to act as if there is...for now.”  He turned Victor from the window, leading him away from the self-assigned perch.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Yuuri awakened that night to the slender body jerking restlessly in his sleep, small cries slipping from his lips.  He reached out to rub the younger man’s back and felt the dampness of sweat. “It’s okay,  _ anata _ .  You’re safe.  I’ve got you, my Vitya, my darling.”  He smoothed the hair now taking on the texture of sweat as he heard soft cries.   _ What had changed?  Have we stayed too long? _ **** But Yuuri knew that while Victor struggled against fantom nightmares in his sleep there was a very real threat that was alive and deadly out there.   _ Maybe he’s picking up on my fear. _

 

Yuuri kept reassuring Victor in his sleep with soft words and gentle caresses until the little form finally settled into sleep.  However the older man knew that this was not true rest, the next day Victor would be rung out from worry.

 

* * *

* * *

  
  


**Two Days Prior**

The next morning while Victor showered, his demeanor dulled from his lack of sleep, Yuuri surveyed the room.  His eyes fell on a half packed box of bunnies.  _  Could it be that simple?   _ Victor returned to the room to find Yuuri kneeling next to the box.

 

“What’s wrong?” he asked, flouncing down next to him, his knees butterflying out, his hands reaching for Yuuri’s.

 

He toyed with the open lid of the box, letting the cardboard settle back and forth as he thought of how to broach the topic.  “I...don’t know. You’re going to think it’s silly,” Yuuri began.

 

Victor frowned and shrugged.  “Most people think the things I do are silly because they can’t understand the motivation behind them.  But when I’m not true to myself, I’m never happy.”

 

Yuuri’s hand stilled, letting the flap to the box stay open, “I love you...just as you are.”

 

A smile shot to the heart shaped lips, some of the dullness falling off of Victor’s demeanor.  “Thank you. I love you, too.” He put a hand on Yuuri’s knee and studied the other man, “So, what’s this silliness you need to tell me?”

 

“I think...you should wait to pack the bunnies until the day we leave.  It won’t take long,” Yuuri suggested.

 

Victor frowned looking over at the box then back to Yuuri.  “Okay...I can do that...but will you tell me why?”

 

Yuuri worried about telling too much and not enough, deciding that honesty needed to always be between them.  “It’s just...your sleep was relatively undisturbed during our stay...until you started packing them, then the nightmares started.  And it’s more than that, you are unsettled during the day, never able to rest. I got to thinking about your mother and how she made them to run the nightmares away…”

 

Victor tapped his lip with his index finger, blue eyes sliding from Yuuri’s face to the box in front of them.  “So...you think there’s something to that?”

 

“My own mother thinks there is something to the stuffing in the bunnies that helps you rest.  That’s why we put specific smells into the two bunnies I got for you,” he offered quietly. “I don’t know if it’s the lavender calming your sleep or something else entirely...and the logic side of me wants to discount the shadowman as just a left over from childhood fears...but...for some reason...I can’t.  I think we should keep them out to the end.” He watched Victor studying him and then started to shift nervously, his eyes dropping to the hand that still held his. He felt his lip curl up slightly, “I know...it’s silly. But even if it means less bed space for me, it will help you.”

 

“It’s...not.  I was just thinking...the nightmares started up again when that box came from Russia.  Then the nightmares stopped when I was surrounded with bunnies but then when they are packed away the nightmares become something more.  And I was thinking...I know that they contained my possessions, and were packed up with love, by friends...but what came with the boxes from Russia?”

 

Yuuri licked his lips, speaking slowly, “Is there something...from your father, perhaps?”

 

“My father?  You think?” Victor studied the man before him, curious at the implication.

 

Yuuri’s eyes dropped as he dodged Victor’s gaze.  “Your mother was trying to protect you from him...it’s not any more far fetched than our other theories.”

 

Victor narrowed his eyes and Yuuri felt himself shrink a little from that discerning gaze.  “You know something, don’t you?”

 

Yuuri huffed in frustration.  “I...saw something in my room.  That’s why we moved out. It’s dark, like a shadow and very cold.  My mother has a sense for these things and she agreed it would be best not to stay.”

 

Victor’s eyes held Yuuri’s like a fist.  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

“I was afraid of upsetting you...and...well, afraid you’d think I was being ridiculous.”  Yuuri squirmed back slightly from the younger man.

 

Victor rolled his eyes.  “No, Yuuri...my entire life has been what most would term ridiculous.  My mother hid me away backstage with a ballet company. I have a father who disowned and abandoned me because he didn’t want me to know my family.  And I still ended up in bed with them...literally.”

 

Yuuri held his breath a beat, a little stunned at the force the words fell from Victor’s lips.  “Well...something Lilia told me when I bumped into her is sticking around in my head.”

 

“What?”  Victor sighed,  _ what more _ would be more like it.

 

“The Volkovs...they made a deal with something for power and there is some kind of family curse.”  Yuuri felt like a fool even saying the words, but with everything else he had felt, seen, and sensed, he knew he would have to redefine his relationship with  _ normal _ .  “I...don’t know the details.  However, it seems like it continues through the descendents…”

 

Victor seemed to accept the logic, more stunned that he would be included than its existence.  “So...you think this curse has something to do with the shadowman?”

 

Yuuri nodded.  “And the thing in my room back in Hasetsu.”

 

Victor rubbed his temple as he absorbed the information.  His eyes strayed back to the box, reaching his hand into the contents and lifting out a rabbit.  “If there is any magic in them, they’ve probably weakened along the way. Some of them have no scent whatsoever left.”

 

“Mom says there is magic in the stitching as well as the herbs in the stuffing.  Something to do with a mother’s love.” Yuuri was quick to add.

 

A soft smile touched his lips, his finger tracing along a seam down the back of the bunny in his hand.  “So you’re still looking out for me, Mama,” he whispered to the stuffed rabbit. Looking up at Yuuri, he settled the rabbit into his lap.  “I’ve...always talked to Mama...like she is still here. I...thought it was because I couldn’t quite let go of her. It’s just that...when I escaped...the hospital...the place where he kept me...there was this rabbit, a real rabbit...and somehow I needed to follow it.  The rabbit helped me to find a way out of there and to a place where I was familiar.” The tears had started forming at the first words of the account, Victor’s blue eyes shining with them. “Yuuri...what if...that was my Mama?”

 

Yuuri moved in to put his hands on Victor’s arms, grounding him, keeping him in the present.  “I don’t know if it was your mama or some sort of a guardian angel or a friendly yokai...but I’m glad you found your way to safety.”

 

“I don’t think anyone would have found me...until it was too late.  The hospital was abandoned a long time ago. The room I was in was the only one in good order.  It was like being locked in a maze where the walls were threatening to fall on you.” Victor shivered.  “I don’t know what more he had planned for me...thankfully something caused him to leave.”

 

Victor looked pale and Yuuri could see him shivering.  Drawing him into his arms, he brushed a kiss into the clean, damp hair.  “Why don’t we put the bunnies back and then go skate? Let’s not waste the time you have left with Yakov with worrying over your father’s family.  Tonight we’ll pack your other things.”

 

Victor nodded, standing up with a turn and pulling Yuuri to his feet.  They unloaded the bunnies, lining them along the head of the bed. The box was stashed in the closet for later.  Hand in hand, they went downstairs for breakfast and to organize the day with the bodyguards.

  
  


* * *

  
  


On ice, Victor shed his worries and gave himself over to his training.  Yakov had him work on each of the various elements in his program. Occasionally he would spy on Yuuri at the other end of the rink going through a similar process.  Systematic practice beginning with his jumps, followed by his spins, then the footwork, lead to a run through. Little Yuri would watch him curiously and ask the older skater questions from time to time.  From his end of the pond Victor covered a smile.  _  I’m glad to see them getting along. _

 

“From the top!” Yakov demanded and Victor moved into position counting out his choreography without music to focus on the flow of elements.  The first time through he refused to mark his jumps. There were no falls but two of his landings shaky and his entry into the triple axel was too high, ending in over-rotation.  He could feel his coach’s eyes sharpen on him. He pushed through.  _ It’s because I didn’t sleep well last night.  I can’t mark jumps or he’ll make me run it again double time. _  When he reached his coach’s side, he was subjected to a thorough critique...daunting but doable.  He mentally catalogued the points the old man made, listening and clearly taking note on what to improve and correct.  The young skater had come a long way from the dreamy, rebellious youth, Yuuri’s work ethic coming through from the time they spent together.

 

He rotated to the corner as the next skater was pulled forward.  He had his head down as he stood next to the wall and didn’t see anyone approach until he felt a hand on his back, Yuuri turning to face him.  Victor huffed. “I think I am just tired. I can’t seem to stick those landings.”

 

Yuuri dropped his forehead to Victor’s and offered a small reassuring smile.  “It’s okay. There’s still time. It doesn’t have to be perfect when we leave Russia.  The Grand Prix circuit is designed to let all skaters work out the problems in their shows, and adjust as they’d like.  The little things we can sort out in Detroit or Hasetsu...just focus on the big idea...and listen to your coach.”

 

Victor nodded, drawing a shaky breath.  He’d forgotten how the criticism could sting.  That was why he started tuning Yakov out. It made it hurt less.  “I need to toughen up,” he told Yuuri, pushing the tears aside. He hadn’t let Yakov see them.  He knew...it wasn’t just Yakov.

 

“You’re taking everything to heart,  _ anata _ ,” he murmured, brushing his fingers up into Victor’s hair.

 

Victor broke.  “I-I...know. Everything seems so raw now that I’m here.  That locker room is the room where I finally showered after it happened.  I keep myself busy while I’m here and try to tune out the nightmare.” Yuuri’s arms tightened around him.  “I...want to go home, Yuuri. Hasetsu or Detroit. I don’t care. But I want...to go home.”

 

Yakov watched Yuuri guide Victor off the ice.  He waved for one of his assistants to take over.  He took in the pale skater and had Yuuri follow him to his office.  Yuuri closed the door behind them. Yakov opened his file cabinet. Victor’s eyes rested on the manilla envelope.

 

“I found it...your note.  If that’s what you’re wondering,” the coach supplied.  Pulling out a bottle, he set it in the middle of his desk.  He then reached for two shot glasses. As he started to reach for another, he caught Yuuri’s eyes and a slight shake of his head.  The coach nodded then poured the other two shots. “Drink it, Vitya.”

 

Victor swallowed, staring at the glass.  Finally, he lifted the glass noting the slight wobble in his hand.  Putting it to his lips, he made a face at the taste. A hand moved up and down his back and he could feel Yuuri grounding him to the moment.  Closing his eyes, he threw back the drink before setting the glass down. He met Yakov’s eyes, steady even though there were tears swimming in their depths.

 

“You’ve always had a tender heart, Vitya,” the coach began.  “Should I lighten up on you?”

 

Victor hesitantly shook his head.  “It’s not you, Yakov...it’s...this place.  I came here...right after...before Georgi...before Yuuri came to get me.  When I was in the locker room earlier, I looked up and it was empty. And I found myself staring at the shower...where I washed him off of me.  I...shook it off...that feeling and forced myself on the ice.” Victor paused, and began again as if he were explaining his motivations and actions to himself, “If I’m busy, I’m not thinking about it.  I think...that it’s been building since I first came here. Each day, something else stands out to me and I stuff it down. But there’s so much. I am constantly remembering something that’s tied to him.  And I’m trying to get through it to the other side.”

 

The coach was frowning as he considered Victor’s words.  “It...never occurred to me that this place...and its role in your escape, could affect you, that it is part of what is scarring you.”

 

Victor ran his fingers into his hair then tugged it a little before dropping his hands into his lap.  “Maybe in time, it will go away. But today...it feels overwhelming. I think I was on edge and ignoring it until...well, when you yell at me, part of me always retreats inside.  But now I can’t even go there...that’s where the monsters live.”

 

The coach closed his eyes and Victor knew that his words hurt his coach.  _  This is not what I want.  _  Yakov then looked up and gave him a gruff smile.  “I’m not used to softening my touch. There’s a reason the little ones are put under the charge of one of my students.”

 

Victor started a little at this, “You...are good with younger students.  Your training camps…”

 

“Are tough and demanding and the students who make it through become some of the best figure skaters in the world.  You...are one of those students. You have always been much stronger than you give yourself credit for, Vitya.” Yakov held the young man’s gaze, hoping that his words went straight to his tender heart.

 

The younger man dropped his eyes studying his hands.  “It’s not that I’m strong...it’s because I hide deep inside myself when things are hard.  But now...I can’t do that anymore.”

 

Yakov grimaced, “You are strong, Vitya.  If you were not, you wouldn’t still be with us.  You escaped the monster. He doesn’t live inside you.  There’s just a...bad memory. And I don’t know how to dislodge it but to tell you over and over that the monster isn’t inside you.”

 

“How do I...live with this?”  His hands went wide, showing his desperation, “I want to be able to train, but sometimes it’s too much.”

 

“And when it is, you should speak up and I’ll give you an off day.  I know you are trying to get as much training in as possible while you are here...but I’m still here for you when you go to Detroit.  I’m still here for you when you are far away. You give me a call, you send me a video...do whatever you need to keep in touch.” He then focused on Yuuri.  “Take him home. Get him to relax. Then we’ll talk more when I’m home. I have contacts at other rinks. I could arrange something for the remainder of your stay, but we’ll have to work around the others’ practice times.”

 

“Thank you, Coach Yakov.  I’ll take care of him.”

 

* * *

  
  


At home, Victor threw himself into his next distraction  Clothes were boxed up and labeled costumes, training, casual or formal.  Yuuri studied the meticulous indexes as he turned to unload the nightstand.  Opening the drawer, he smiled at the evidence of Victor exploring his sexuality.  It told Yuuri real quick where Victor was when that monster grabbed him. He ran his finger down the small vibe, imagining Victor pleasuring himself.  _  Who did you think about when you used these things? _

 

Victor came out of the closet his mouth opened to ask Yuuri something and froze.  Yuuri looked up, his eyes meeting Victor’s. Victor’s hands went up to cover his face.  “Oh, god!” Yuuri watched him duck back into the closet and was quick to his feet following him.

 

Victor dropped to the floor, back against the wall, knees drawn to his chest, a few remaining clothes falling around his head, shoes scooting over to make room for him.  Yuuri knelt down before him, his hand sliding down Victor’s arm willing the younger man to look up at him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize until too late that I had stumbled into a private space.”

 

Victor couldn’t look at Yuuri, instead staying buried within his arms, “I-it’s not that.  I just...what you must think of me…”

 

Yuuri frowned as he considered the words he wanted to use.  “I think...you are still young and were probably just starting to explore your sexuality when…”  He sighed. He didn’t want to add to the discomfort by bringing  _ Him  _ up.  “I started with a similar collection.  It was a few years back...maybe around your age.  Maybe a little older.”

 

Slowly two blue eyes peeked out, searching Yuuri’s face.  “So...you don’t think I’m weird?”

 

Yuuri’s face softened as he pulled Victor into his arms.  “Of course not, Vitya. Everyone finds a way to explore themselves.”

 

Victor rested his head on Yuuri’s shoulder, his arms wrapping around the Japanese man.  “I haven’t...touched them since...since he came around. And...he had a collection of...used other things on me...I thought maybe it was weird.  He always laughed and called them baby toys. He did things...and I don’t want to like them.”

 

Yuuri quickly reassured him.  “Toys do not make you weird, Vitya...most people have them once they reach a certain age.  It’s a natural extension of your sexuality. It helps you figure out what you like. And then maybe find ways to extend your pleasure.”  He thinned his lips and took a deep breath. “I couldn’t...with another. So toys were my only recourse.” He brushed his lips in Victor’s hair before adding, “Besides...I only ever wanted to...with you.”

 

He heard the sniff then the small voice saying, “Me, too...even then.  I never...really wanted him. I just...I didn’t feel good about myself.  And he...made me feel...older...more mature.”

 

The apology he’d been holding back tumbled out of his lips unchecked at Victor’s confession.  “ _ Anata _ , it’s my fault you found yourself in that place and I’ll never forgive myself for it.  I...should have talked to you, explained about my anxiety. But...it came on so fast and I didn’t quite understand it at the time.  It took therapy to fully pull it to the surface. I...didn’t know what to say.”

 

Victor drew back and shook his head even as the tears fell freely.  “It’s  _ not  _ your fault, Yuuri.  I  _ knew  _ you.  I should have trusted that knowledge.  But...I always draw into myself when things go...wrong.  I think...we both needed therapy to pull things to the surface.”  He sighed, leaning back against the wall once more, his knees butterflying out, his hands winding around his ankles.  “Besides...he would have found another way to grab me. And then no one would have found me.”

 

They sat in each other’s presence for the longest time as the weight of Victor’s words settled around them.  Yuuri’s thoughts wound around him.  _ How do you protect someone when you don’t know where the enemy is; what his next next move will be? _  Victor’s wandered through his regret.  Finally, with a sigh, Victor pushed up to his feet and then reached to pull Yuuri up as well.  “I suppose we’d better move on to the next.”

 

As they emerged, both of their eyes flicked to the open nightstand drawer.  “Do you want...to take those things?”

 

Victor’s lips thinned.  “I...don’t know? I mean...it would be embarrassing to be caught in customs with them.”

 

Yuuri chuckled softly and didn’t feel the need to remind him they’d be avoiding customs.  He was sure some interesting business had been conducted with the use of that plane and Yuuri didn’t explore the idea.  More would take place when Yuuri took Victor to Detroit. Sofu had associates in Detroit, which was one of the many reasons Yuuri ended up there.

 

A few strings pulled to get him into the university at short notice.  It was after the August 1st deadline when Yuuri arrived to work with his new coach.  His whole family had been worried about him withdrawing into himself. And the first year at college, he was the quiet kid who went to class and practice before disappearing into his room.  Even Celestino was worried...and Yuuri was certain he reported to Minako who in turn would tell his family.

 

Focusing back on his lover, Yuuri rubbed his thumb over the younger man’s hand.  “We can replace anything you want once we settle in.”

 

Victor smiled with relief.  They then turned their focus back onto the remaining items in the room.  As Yuuri prepared another box to fill, he glanced back to see Victor moving the toys into a small shoebox and sliding it under his bed.  When he looked back to catch Yuuri watching him, he shrugged, pink tinting his cheeks. “It’s one thing for my boyfriend to find them. I’d be mortified if Madame Lilia or little Yuri found them.”

 

Turning back to the remaining contents, Yuuri noted that there weren’t many books and they were soon arranged in a couple of smaller boxes...by genre, carefully labeled by Victor.  Photo albums were organized by decade. Victor looked at the frame with his mother on the nightstand, running his finger lovingly over his mother’s image. “I think I’ll leave this here.  For when I come back,” he suggested.

 

“We can pull out others and have them framed,” Yuuri suggested.

 

Victor looked over at him with a soft smile.  “I’d like that.”

 

Next came his beauty products, packing makeup used for performance first.  This was followed by accessories. Then a few large items, Victor considered.  “Is it weird I want to take the dress  [ form ](http://craftsarchives.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/adjustable-dress-form.jpg) ?”

 

Yuuri glanced over from his laptop and answered, “You packed your sewing machine and supplies.  I just assumed you’d take the dress form. It seems silly not to, as it’s part of your process for creating costumes.”

 

He smiled, his lips soft.  “My mother used it. She taught me how to build costumes on it.”

 

Yuuri came over to him, “Knowing it was hers means you really should have it with you.  We have the space. And Sofu is providing us with the means to move back to Detroit. Don’t stress over it.  If you want to take it, take it.”

 

“Well, I guess it’s not a marble bust or anything that silly,” Victor declared wryly.

 

“It’s functional…”  Yuuri stopped, the words finally hitting his brain, “and why would you have a marble bust?”

 

Victor ducked away, “I don’t?” his eyes flicking to the closet door.

 

“Why don’t I believe you?” Yuuri pressed, opening the closet door.  Digging around, he found in the back a marble bust. “Who? Why? I don’t even know where to begin with this,” he declared as he come out of the closet.

 

Victor shrugged and grinned.  “At one time it sat on my dresser and I would put hats on him.  I think I found him in the attic one day and asked Lilia if I could have it.  She raised an eyebrow but shrugged. I took it as a yes. And that’s how Boris came to live with me.”

 

“Boris?”

 

“He needed a name.  I mean, I moved him into my room.  He couldn’t be nameless. I named all of the bunnies and I wouldn’t have them looking down on him.”

 

Yuuri turned the bust to face him, “And you thought...he looked like a Boris?”

 

“Well, you see...there were these old movies.   And this actor...Boris Karloff. He played the monsters...and well, I thought...I felt like he wasn’t really the monster.  Rather, those around him made him the monster...and I wanted to give him a chance to be beautiful. Just like Frankenstein.”

 

“You are always looking for the beauty inside others,” Yuuri said softly, drawing Victor into his arms.

 

“Look where it got me,” he answered with a pucker.  “Some people truly are monsters.”

 

* * *

  
  


Victor stared out the window while Yuuri sat across from Yakov.  They worked out the strategy and schedule for the next few days. “He’s disappearing again,” the coach murmured.

 

“Not as bad as at first.”  Yuuri had seen the problem lessen, it would never disappear, not in Russia.  “He’s scared, hypervigilant. I think...it’s being in Russia. I hate to say it but…”

 

“Until that bastard turns up dead, he’ll continue like this to some degree.  But I can understand it being worse in Russia. We’ll keep him busy, but elsewhere.  You can work together when I’m with the other skaters,  _ da _ ?”

 

“Yes, sir.  I just hate for him to be separated from his family.  I know that’s not what he wants.”

 

Yakov frowned.  “Maybe Yuri or Georgi or Dmitri and Ivan can spend the day at the other rink.  It gives me more of a purpose to be there and I’m sure they won’t mind.”

 

The Japanese man smiled in appreciation.  “He’s trying to make the most of this visit, both in socialization and in practice.  I hate...that I have to take him away from here.”

 

The old man grunted.  “If this is still a problem for Nationals, I’ll move the lot of them down to Moscow.”

 

Yuuri cringed at the thought of Nationals...Russia and Japan’s Nationals invariably coincided putting the two of them at separate locations.  “Hopefully we’ll have a resolution by then.”

 

* * *

* * *

  
  


**One Day Prior**

Victor stood on the ice at the smaller rink, across the pond he spotted little Yuri skating circles and chatting with Mila.  One apprehension traded out for another and Victor couldn’t shake the feeling that they weren’t safe with him.  _ I love you both so much.  But you aren’t safe while I’m here.   _ He watched his Yuuri skate up to them and direct them into motion, calling out corrections to the junior skaters.

 

Victor’s eyes scanned the building.  Azumi and Shinoba stood watch over them like sentinels accompanied by some of the security from the estate.  Madame Lilia insisted.  _ She’s just as apprehensive as I am.  They shouldn’t have to live this way, go through this trouble.  It’s not fair that I’ve brought this down on all of them.  _ He hated the disquiet he brought to his family.

 

Yuuri then called out his drills and soon they were all working hard on the ice.  The companionable sharing created an interplay between the skaters trading off positions to the others.  Victor smiled sadly as he watched the younger skaters.  _  I brought too much darkness in your lives.  _  Little Yuri confirmed his thoughts with the worried glances.

 

They rode back to the estate in separate cars.  Neither Victor nor Yuri admitting that riding in the same vehicle terrified them both.  Back at the mansion, Victor sat with Yuri and Mila helping them both with their homework.  Mila had talked with her sister who, in turn, talked her mother into letting her stay at the estate until Victor left.  At least he had this time with them.  _  I don’t know when I’ll be back. _

 

* * *

* * *

 

 

**Present**

The old coach pulled the phone from his ear.  If he had any hopes that Victor might stay with them in Russia, they were gone now.   _ He’s still alive _ .  There was no way of denying it, Volkov was alive and sending threats to the people close to Viktor in the hopes that he could rattle the young man enough to weaken his resolve and faith in Katsuki.   _ Viktor ran from safety, putting himself into the hands of that devil before to keep his family safe…would he do it again?   _ He sent word to Yuuri.  Soon after the Japanese man and his security chief met Yakov in his office.  As Yuuri entered, Yakov turned to face him with a grave face. “Mikhail has made his first move.”

 

“I had suspected something was coming when you asked to meet me without Viktor.”  Yuuri’s brow furrowed. “What happened?”

 

Yakov cleared his throat, reaching into the bottom draw of his desk which clearly survived the soviet era he pulled out his most trusted advisor.  Vodka, two glasses. Passing one to Yuuri he started. “I received a call half an hour ago. From Katya and Pyotr. They received a mysterious package containing a dead animal.  A rabbit.”

 

Yuuri couldn’t hide the recoil in his expression.  Akio maintained a stern expression, but put a bracing hand on the man he devoted his life to protecting.  “We are on high alert already, sir. You know the men I travel with, we will protect him with our lives.”

 

Yakov grunted taking an uncharacteristic second helping before tucking the bottle away.  “I know you will. I thought you should know.” He looked at the empty glass in his hand, rolling it back and forth over the age covered palm.  “But Viktor...telling him…”

 

Yuuri remained silent for a moment, mulling over the information.  He captured the dark eyes of the couch and knew they were in agreement before he even spoke the words.  “Let’s not tell Vitya just yet. He’s already struggling with his fears. Definitely not about this.”

 

The coach agreed and said Katya and Pyotr thought the same.  “Okay, so let’s make sure he’s secure. Lilia is already making calls on her side.”

 

* * *

* * *

  
  


**One Day Later**

Yuuri frowned at the call.  He knew his grandfather, an unexpected call was never good news.  “Moshimoshi, Sofu,” he responded, sliding easily into his mother tongue.  Victor’s blue eyes followed Yuuri as the older man withdrew to the other room.

 

“Grandson!  Akio reports you are still in Russia.”  The older gentleman kept his voice even, however he spoke with a marked authority.

 

Yuuri walked to the window and looked outside.  His men were gathered talking to Madame Lilia’s security.   _ Something’s going on _ .  “What’s wrong, Grandfather?”

 

“I don’t think it’s safe.  I’ve authorized the plane to be moved to a different location.  Akio is working out the strategy to get you and your lover out safely.”

 

Yuuri caught the tone in his voice, the deliberately omitted details.  “What’s happened?”

 

The older man sighed on his end, “According to my networks, the Pakhan is dead and there is an unclear changeover happening.  That unrest means I can’t cover your presence with my influence.”

 

Yuuri’s mind immediately took over…Kimiko’s face when she told him of the spies from the street...Akio’s sudden need to keep everyone safe, closing ranks.  The final piece fell into place. Volkov made a move, killing his own family to seize power...claim Victor. “I see. How quickly do we need to move?”

 

“As soon as we’ve secured the second airstrip.”  The older man’s answer told Yuuri everything he needed to know.   _ Immediately _ .

 

“I’ll tell Vitya.  Thank you.” Hanging up, he furrowed his brow.  He hated to jerk his lover suddenly from his family but didn’t want to put him further at risk.  He walked down the hall and moved out towards the drive where his men waited. Akio broke away from them.  “I just heard from Sofu. What’s the plan?”

 

Yuuri laughed, his grandfather would tell the head of security first…  “We are going to move in three hours. I’ve arranged for Lilia’s men to play a shell game with vehicles so that we can get the two of you out safely.”

 

Akio nodded in approval of this plan.  It was what Katsuki-soma had told him earlier.  “What about the rest of Victor’s family?”

 

“The Baranovsky family have already moved to secure the skaters.”  Yuuri slowly started putting the situation into a larger picture... _ I’ll assume the Baranosky family has already started several moves given our prior conversation. _  “Pyotr and Katya are being moved into the main house.  Mila and little Yuri will stay here.”

 

“And Georgi?” Akio raised an eyebrow as he remembered their host from the prior extraction.

 

“He has been sent with his girlfriend to train in Colorado.”  Yuuri knew this was safer for that man, but not a desired situation.  “Yakov has been on the phone since the package drop making arrangements.”

 

The guard nodded “I’ll relay the information, we’re going to make transportation adjustments.”

 

Yuuri pursed his lips.  “Okay. I need to go talk to Vitya.  We’ll be ready.”

  
  


* * *

  
  


Victor looked up from the page he had been staring at but not reading since Yuuri left the room.  One look at Yuuri’s face told him what he needed to know. “He’s alive, isn’t he?”

 

_ I can’t lie to you, anata.   _ Yuuri nodded.  “Alive and dangerous.  We are leaving within a few short hours.”

 

Victor’s face fell, a few tears followed quickly but he brushed them away.  “I shouldn’t have come here. Now people are having to risk themselves once more to get me out.”

 

“And we’ll gladly take that risk to get you out every time,” Yuuri confirmed.  “Your family loves you, let them do this for you. Be ready to move. I’m going down to talk to Yakov and Lilia.”

 

Victor hugged Patches to his chest.  “I’m going with you. This is my life.”

 

Yuuri nodded grimly.

 

In the study, they found both Lilia and Yakov on the phone.  Both of them waved in their young skater and his partner. As they finished their calls, troubled eyes rested on the two of them.  “We’ve got a plan,” Yuuri stated.

 

“Yes, we’ve been apprised,” Lilia responded sharply.  “This was a selfish request to have you come here but at least the snake’s out in the open.”

 

Yuuri stood amazed that his grandfather had called her... _ Does that mean...no.   _ He focused back on the ballerina.  “We’re leaving you with a mess,” Yuuri continued.

 

Lilia shook her head.  “This is old family business.  It was always our mess.” Her eyes turned to Victor, standing miserably by Yuuri’s side.  “Vitya is just caught in the middle. Take him to safety.”

 

“Madame Lilia!  Yakov!” Victor’s blue eyes watered looking from one to the other.  

 

Lilia sighed leaving the space behind her ornate desk to meet her charge.  Yakov followed even as Yuuri stepped back to let them have this. “You are a good boy, Vitya,” she reassured him.  “Let us take care of you.”

 

“Go with Katsuki to safety,” Yakov ordered.  “Please…”

 

Victor nodded then hugged them each one right after another.  “I don’t know when I’ll see you again.”

 

“It’s okay,” Yakov said, his voice growing gruff with emotion.  “We need to know you are safe, Vitya.”

 

“Once it’s safe...we’ll bring you back home then,” Lilia stated as if it were a promise.

 

Victor looked from one to the other, his hand lingering on each before he let them trail away.  Meeting Yuuri’s eyes, he said, “Let’s go.”

 

An hour later, they were loaded into a car different from the ones they had traveled in.  Five more vehicles of the exact make and model waited holding various members of Yuuri and Victor’s guard as well as Lilia’s security force.  Those who were not in the same vehicle as Yuuri and Victor would make their own way home indirectly.

 

Akio took the wheel leaving Kimiko shotgun.  Shinoba sat behind the couple with Azumi. Ryoka and Takeo, running a false offense, would meet them later.  All were on high alert. Akio began the shuffling pattern he discussed with the security detail. None spoke on the phone, but used a form of morse code beeps in their communication system.  Soon they were nested in the middle. One at a time the cars peeled away. Two headed in the direction of the airport where a plane, very similar to the one Yuuri and Victor would take, awaited.  The car with Victor and Yuuri would pull away at the last minute. The plane was a decoy. Another pair headed towards the Pulkova International Airport. The final pair of cars split, one headed towards the rink where Victor had been training.  The other headed to the new destination, an airstrip in a field controlled by the Baranovsky family.

 

Using secure communication, Akio made contact with the chief of the small army waiting them.  As they unloaded from the car, Victor looked around with wide eyes at the sight of the guns and men on alert.  “Who are these people?” he hissed towards Yuuri. Yuuri signaled for him to remain quiet so he followed the older man onto the plane.

 

The plane had been in run up, waiting for package delivery, and pilot taxied the plane out onto the previously cleared strip that suddenly lit up and soon they were airborne.  Here, Yuuri turned and answered him. “Madame Lilia pulled strings to ensure you’d make it out of here safely. You are important to her and Yakov.”

 

Victor hugged himself.  “I know...but I’m scared for them.”

 

“Did you see that fucking army she has at her command?”  Yuuri waited for Victor to nod. “That’s who is protecting them, all of them.  Lilia is not without her resources.”

 

Victor’s lips parted as Yuuri’s words settled around him.  “I...didn’t realize.”

 

“Neither did I until I saw it.  She may have underestimated the extent Mikhail would go to get you the first time.  But she won’t a second. Let’s get you home.” Yuuri thought of the vengeance that woman would exact on the man that hurt her boy... _ she’s readying herself for war. _

 

Victor sighed, his eyes going towards the window.  Darkness had already settled over the world like a blanket.  He felt Yuuri’s guiding hand moving him onto a bed, tucking him in.  “Stay close to me!”

 

Yuuri could hear the alarm and reached down to soothe him.  “I’m not going anywhere. Rest,  _ anata _ .  When you wake up, we’ll be almost home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love working with BluSkates on this project and the perspective she is writing from Mikhail's POV has been very intriguing. If you haven't read the update [Notes from the Underground](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13205118/chapters/32041116), please do so and find you just what's been going on with Mikhail.


	40. Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor and Yuuri spend some final days packing up in Hasetsu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They are safe now...in the arms of Mama Hiroko. That doesn't mean they aren't dealing with disturbances. I mean, there is still that...thing.
> 
> Thanks so much for BluSkates and Magrathea's beta reading and editing...and BluSkates second (and maybe third) editing.
> 
> NSFW warning on this chapter. (Because I actually thought about it.)

* * *

 

[ Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74S7EMUAKFs)

 

 

As the plane began its preparations for final dissent, Yuuri woke Victor who had fallen into a deep, dreamless sleep.  “We’re here,  _ anata _ .”

 

Victor’s eyes blinked open smiling up at his Yuuri but then reality settled in and he became troubled.  “I left them all behind.”

 

Yuuri took his hands, rubbing circles into the palms, “They are in good hands, Vitya.  You are the primary target. We had to get you out of there.”

 

Victor frowned, knowing that while Yuuri was correct, Mikhail would use those he left behind to try to get at him.  “I know...but I don’t want anyone to be hurt because of me.” The little silver head hung, feeling the weight of assumed guilt.

 

Yuuri leaned in and brushed a kiss on his forehead.  “We’re anticipating his moves. Sofu has spies in St. Petersburg reporting in to him.  That’s how I knew to get you out when I did. We have to trust in his resources.”

 

Victor nodded, sitting upright.  “Do I have time to go to the bathroom before I have to put on my seatbelt?”

 

“Yes, love.  I’ll meet you up front.”  

 

Victor slid open the door to the tiny bathroom.  The mirror revealed shadows around his eyes. Focusing on relieving himself, he washed up and joined Yuuri up front.  Once buckled in, he leaned against the older man. The bodyguards that had made this flight surrounded them. “What about the others?”

 

“They have multiple escape routes,” Kimiko answered, turning around with a reassuring smile.  “We all do. Always. Never worry if one of us gets separated. There are checkpoints and contact plans as well as escape plans.  They will turn up in a couple of days. This is a planned scatter to confuse the people who were following us.”

 

Victor’s eyes went wide, “We were being followed?”

 

Kimiko shot a look to Yuuri, waiting for his nod before she answered.  “Probably from the moment we arrived, and very closely until the end. Akio’s plan to separate worked well.  We were alone at the airstrip.”

 

“I feel...unprepared,” Victor confessed.

 

Akio exchanged glances with the female bodyguard before he responded, “I agree.  Given our new information especially, we need to keep you more informed and have you run drills to make sure you know what to do in a variety of situations.”

 

“Knowing means you don’t have to think when the time comes,” Kimiko added.  “While we are here and safe, we can go through the various plans we use to secure our principals.”

 

* * *

  
  
  


Yuuri watched his mother fuss over Victor with amusement.  Mari leaned over and muttered, “We never get that kind of treatment.”

 

“It’s because he’s the baby,” Yuuri whispered back, immediately wishing he had kept it to himself.  The sharp glare he earned from Victor, who lifted his chin and followed Hiroko inside, was paired with leaving the older man to handle the luggage alone.  “I guess I’m in trouble.” Mari just snorted in reply, offered her brother a smirk, then stepped directly over the bags, not even offering to help. After he dragged the luggage upstairs, a multistep process, during which he wondered if Victor packed rocks (books), he joined the younger man and Hiroko in the kitchen.

 

“Victor was just telling me that you told him about the energy eater in your bedroom,” Hiroko stated in greeting.

 

Yuuri thinned out his lips and nodded.  His mother’s familiarity with the supernatural had not rubbed off on him.  However, he felt more comfortable knowing how easy she approached it. “Several things were revealed while in Russia.  In the end, it was kind of unavoidable.”

 

“So what do we now know?” his mother inquired.

 

Yuuri took a deep breath and met Victor’s eyes.  “It appears that there is a family curse involved.  The Volkov family made a deal, several generations back, for power which is how that...thing…” his eyes flicked to the ceiling above their heads, “became attached to the line, and unfortunately to Victor.”  His watched his mother’s lips frown as she considered the news but she remained silent. “Something else...Victor suspects something came with his things from Russia. He made a good point in saying the nightmares didn’t get bad until after his things arrived.”

 

“So the delivery held the disease and the cure.  Curious.” She held the cup for warmth in her hands, the room growing cold, but not unpleasant.  Yuuri did notice her eyes dance to a corner quickly then dart back to Victor.

 

Victor took a long sip of the tea Hiroko had made for him.  “This may be weird...but I guess not in the context of us talking...I think it was my mother that helped me escape.  There was a rabbit...that led me to safety.” He watched Hiroko’s face take on a strange expression and thinned his lips.  “It’s just...Yuuri said that...you believe in these things. So I thought it wouldn’t be so strange odd about it here.”

 

She shifted, her face becoming troubled.  “I don’t really talk about those things...but I’ve...seen things since I was quite small.”

 

“Oh...is it...I didn’t think about it bothering you.”  Victor’s face fell not wanting to hurt the woman who had come to mean so much to him.

 

She shook her head and placed a reassuring hand on his arm.  “No...it’s more that...people don’t react well when they know what I know.  So...I just...I’m not used to talking about it. Besides, the ghosts I’ve interacted with...they prefer that I not talk about them.”  Victor was too focused on her soft hand caressing his arm to notice, but her eyes glanced over the corner again, then closed slowly as if saying goodbye.

 

Looking up, Victor’s lips parted as he considered her words then nodded in acceptance.  “I understand. It must be difficult being caught in between two realities. Perhaps...is it okay if we discuss this other...thing.”  He shivered slightly, the cold turning mean. “What did you call it? An energy eater?”

 

She nodded with an easier smile.  “Yes, that we can talk about. I’ve been researching it since we discovered it.  In other cultures, it’s referred to as a mare or incubus.” She watched Victor blanch at the second name before quickly continuing on.  “It’s not all about...you know, sex. Incubi or succubi are spirits that pull energy from various activities. Some do feed off sexual energy...some on negative energy in any way that it’s generated.  And that’s what we have in there. It gets its greatest energy from the negative energy...pain, torment, depression…” She flicked her eyes over to her son before adding, “Anxiety.”

 

Victor dropped his eyes as he processed the information she provided.  “So...this entity...it has a way to make a contract with people? So...shouldn’t there be a way to break it?”

 

She considered his words thoughtfully.  “Perhaps if we knew how the contract was made...but let’s focus on what we do know.  You believe something came with your belongings that pulled the entity to you. If that’s how this attached to you, then we need to sort through those things.”

 

“Yuuri suggested it might be something to do with my...with my father,” Victor flicked his eyes towards Yuuri.  The other man had been quiet during most of this exchange and now he saw that he was taking in the information that was discussed and analyzing it in his thoughts.  “I’m not so sure...I don’t even know if I have anything of his. But it’s possible because it appears things aren’t as I originally believed. My father wasn’t...a completely bad man.”

 

“And he seemed to want to protect you,” Hiroko pointed out.

 

Victor sighed leaning towards Yuuri.  “It’s a lot. Like we’re caught up in a mystery.”  Yuuri’s arms went around him, supporting the weight of the other man.  He finished his tea and felt his eyelids become heavy. “I think the travel has caught up to me.”

 

“Yuuri, take him up to rest.  We’ve got time to talk.”

 

Yuuri smiled softly and nodded, guiding Victor off the stool and up the stairs.  Victor paused looking at the door to the bigger room. Yuuri leaned his cheek against Victor, the younger man losing inches in the droop of his frame.  “We’ll deal with that later. For now, you need to rest.”

 

“It’s just...all so strange,” Victor sighed.  “My entire life I feel I’ve lived a lie. Well...maybe not a lie, but there has been a veil over it.”

 

He kissed into the silver hair, “You’re still my Vitya...let’s take a shower then rest for the evening.”

 

After the shower, Victor settled into Yuuri’s protective arms but as he tried to sleep, he found his eyes staring at the wall shared with the other room.  “Do you think it’s truly contained?”

 

“So far it has been contained...that’s all I can say.”

 

“But something...we moved all of my things over.  So…” That word hung in the air...a possibility none of them wanted to consider.  “Can I sleep by the wall?” Victor asked suddenly. He needed a shield and hoped Yuuri’s love would be shield enough.  The older man shifted and allowed him to settle behind him. Victor curled around him pressing a kiss into the back of Yuuri’s neck.  “I appreciate you being patient with me. I know...these things seem...weird to you.”

 

“It’s not like I haven’t been working through them.  I just want you to be at peace and safe, Vitya. We’ll figure this out together.”

 

Victor snuggled into Yuuri and breathed the word “together” against his skin.

 

Yuuri, however, found himself studying the wall, rabbit trails of ideas...possibilities and impossibilities...crossing through his thoughts.   The very real threat of Volkov mixed with the family curse sequestered next door.  _ Vitya... _

 

* * *

  
  


Victor stretched out sleepily, surprised when his hand hit something firm and then realized he was on the wall.   _ Yuuri normally took the wall _ .  Victor frowned then he remembered.  _  Oh, he gave me the wall because I asked for it.  _  He leaned forward and kissed Yuuri’s shoulder, his arm wrapping around the older man and hugging him from behind. _  You are a good man. _

 

Yuuri must have roused at Victor’s movements because he turned to lie on his back, his eyes fluttered open though Victor could tell he wasn’t quite focused.  “Mornin’,” he rasped, his voice dry from sleep.

 

“Good morning, Yuuri.  Did you sleep?”

 

Yuuri nodded but frowned.  He glanced to the wall and Victor understood.  His Yuuri stood sentinel between him and whatever that room held.  Victor settled into those arms propped up on his elbows. “I’m sorry, Yuuri,” he whispered.

 

“Don’t be...I wouldn’t sleep if...it’s okay…”  Yuuri sighed, pulling Victor down on his chest, their legs tangling together.  “I love you...and part of that is keeping watch over you.” He brushed his lips into the silver hair whorl.

 

“I love you, too...but lately this has all been off balance.  You are doing all of the giving...and all I do is take.”

 

“Don’t worry, Vitya...my darling...it will balance out on its own in time.”  Fingers slid down Victor’s back, the softest of touch barely grazing the surface causing Victor to shiver against him.  Victor nuzzled his nose up brushing an answering kiss into the turn of Yuuri’s neck moving kisses up behind his ear. Yuuri turned his head to accommodate Victor’s endeavors, focusing on the touch, the feeling elicited by the attention.  His lips parted with a whisper of  _ Vitya  _ on the tongue even as Victor found them and moved into the kiss.

 

They lay wrapped up in one another as the morning light slid into the room, kisses trading back and forth, Yuuri shifting their bodies on the side, his hand sliding up Victor’s back, fingers exploring beneath his t-shirt.  Victor moaned softly into the kiss, grinding into Yuuri, the older man very aware of the younger man’s need. Yuuri pushed the shirt up over his lover’s neck guiding Victor to lie onto his back beneath him, his kisses moving down Victor, nipping along Victor’s skin, his fingers sliding along the waistband.  Looking up, he caught Victor’s half lidded eyes even as the younger man lifted his hips, a subtle nod of permission offered.

 

Yuuri slid his hands into the pajamas and then moved them down his hips and midway down his thighs.  He felt desperate hands tugging at his own waistband and moved up so Victor could reach him better, the pants sliding down and Yuuri kicking them off.  Stretching out along Victor’s body, he could feel his length lining up with Victor, the touch sparking the growing need in him. His hand fumbled into the nightstand and pulled out the lube.  Reading the bottle, he made a face.

 

“What is it?” Victor whined.

 

“I don’t know if this stuff is ever out of date.  And...I’m not sure if this is a bottle I left behind or...Chris...you know, because he stayed in this room that summer.”

 

“And you were in the big room,” Victor said quietly, knowing the answer but needing Yuuri to say it now that it was out there.

 

Yuuri kept the smile from his lips, not wanting to reward the jealous streak that bloomed in Victor, but he was flattered.  “I was...I haven’t stayed in here since...probably high school.” He squinted at the rim.

 

Victor snagged the bottle away and read the date on it.  “It’s too new...Chris. And I don’t think he’d mind.”

 

Yuuri snorted.  “He’d be cheering us on.”

 

“So...what are you thinking?”  Victor leveled a look to the man that spoke of want.

 

“Well...I thought...I mean, I read about this...in a fanfic.  I’ve never…”

 

Victor frowned, placing a stilling hand on Yuuri.  “Stop thinking...just do it.” Yuuri nodded, squirting the viscous solution onto his hand before handing it over to Victor.  He ran his hand over his own length while Victor watched and then followed suit watching for visual cues and not wanting to let Yuuri get hung up in his head.  Yuuri then wrapped his hand around both lengths hearing the younger man gasp. “Oh!”

 

Yuuri smirked even as he began slow strokes sliding his hand up and down both lengths.  “Join me.”

 

“H-how?”  This was new...something that hadn’t been done to him before.  Not in this way. Before Yuuri, he was expected to take the abuse, this was about pleasure and giving.  Yuuri guided Victor’s hand over the top of his. Victor moved his hand into a comfortable position, his lips parting in pleasure.  Yuuri bent down and took advantage, dipping his tongue in to taste the warmth of Victor’s mouth. Deepening the kiss, he swallowed moans and tasted Victor’s tongue licking inside.  He felt the younger man’s pulse increase, the flush of his body ebb, as they worked together in rhythm. Pulling back to catch his breath, he felt Victor’s kisses flutter down his chin.  “I’m close, my Yuuri,” he whispered, his warm breath teasing Yuuri’s skin.

 

“Then come for me, my darling.”  Yuuri casually gave the younger man what he needed as he increased the speed of his movements, Victor following with his own, their tandem slide of hands, the squeeze of the fingers until Yuuri’s breath hitched releasing the warmth between them.  

 

Victor, startled with the suddenness, found his own release right after, blinking in surprise at the ease of the action and his surrender to his body.  He closed his eyes for a moment, steadying himself, allowing himself the moment to savour the freedom he enjoyed with Yuuri. He then looked up at Yuuri and giggled.  

 

“What?” Yuuri asked, turning to catch the blue of Victor’s eyes and the pink of his cheeks.

 

“I just realized...your family is already up.  And...well, we weren’t loud, but we weren’t exactly quiet,” Victor pointed out.

 

And as Yuuri parted their bodies, he added, “And now we have the mess to tend to.”  He looked around finding a dirty t-shirt to wipe off his chest and stomach tossing it to Victor who made a face, handling the material a little tentatively.  “That’s the same funk all over you,” Yuuri pointed out. He watched Victor frown as he wiped down his body, tossing the shirt into the hamper.

 

“It may be...but it’s still got a weird texture when it hits your hand unexpectedly.”  He wrinkled his nose before adding, “Sticky.”

 

“Let’s get our asses in the shower.  You first or me?”

 

“Together?” Victor suggested.

 

Yuuri frowned considering who might be in the hall then he shrugged.  “Fuck it...why not?”

 

They hastily dressed in pajama bottoms, grabbing a change of clothes, then slipped down the hall.  The rattle of the morning activities accompanied smells of breakfast and the prep work from the kitchen wafted up the stairwell and down the hall.  So far, so good. They slid the door open to the bathroom and disappeared inside. 

 

Victor arranged their clothes while Yuuri set the taps.  Then he held out his hand pulling Victor into the shower after him, the steamy heat hitting their skin in welcoming pressure.  Victor grabbed the soap first then startled Yuuri when he began to soap up the Japanese man’s skin. Residual amorousness seemed to be in play because a random kiss fell here and there while Victor tended to him.  He then handed the bar over to Yuuri. The older man blinked at it a couple of times before his brain caught up and he lathered it over Victor even as the other man washed his body. Neither were experienced in this matter, sharing a shower, tending to one another...but they knew each other and that allowed for the trust and attention that flowed between them like electricity.

 

Out of the shower and dressed, they stepped into the hallway.  Victor stilled, staring at the door to the larger bedroom. His fingers traced along the surface but he felt Yuuri’s arm wrap around him from behind.  He shivered and glanced over his shoulder. “I don’t know if it’s the knowing...or if that thing...if it’s somehow calling to me.”

 

Yuuri frowned as he considered those words.  “Let’s not tempt fate.” He took Victor’s hand and they walked down the stairs.  His mother looked up on their approach singing a good morning their direction. “Hey, Mom,” Yuuri responded with a smile.  He could see her already preparing their eggs, rice in the steamer ready to be eaten.

 

Victor tugged at his damp fringe, his mind up the stairs and in that room.  Yuuri’s hand on his back pulled him back and he smiled towards the older man.  “Are we skating today?”

 

“Not today...we’ve been traveling and you need to rest.”

 

Victor hummed thoughtfully, his eyes darting about as he formed his thoughts.  “Then...we can go through the stuff that came from Russia.”

 

“Now that’s a thought,” Yuuri agreed looking over to catch his mother’s eyes.

 

“If you find something, I’ll be here to take a look,” she invited with a cheerful smile.  

 

As they washed their dishes, Victor asked, “Do you think we’ll find something from my father?”

 

Yuuri glanced his direction.  “Do you want to find something?”

 

Victor’s face had paled and his eyes seemed unfocused, “I-I don’t know.  For the longest time he was this bad man Mama wanted to keep away from me.  I had no idea it was his family she was avoiding more than anything.”

 

Yuuri came up behind, running a hand up his arm to pull the younger man from his thoughts, “Let’s go for a walk and get some fresh air then come back to start sorting.  We need to pack anyway. So we can do both.”

 

* * *

  
  


As they walked, Yuuri kept fielding messages on his phone.  Victor would peak over his shoulder from time to time to read the script sighing when the characters were in Japanese.  Some though, he caught...words from friends.

 

**Phichit/ Where are you?**

 

**Yuuri/ Japan.  Shit hit the fan and we made a quick exit.**

 

**Phichit/ Fuck!  I woke up to St. Petersburg on fire!  Volkovs keep changing hands.**

 

**Yuuri/ I think we left just in the nick of time.  How bad is it?**

 

**Phichit/ Chatter has it that there are currently three factions battling it out in the open, but then there’s little things happening on the side that one has claims.**

 

**Yuuri/ Mikhail?**

 

**Phichit/ Wouldn’t doubt it.  Yuuri, if he’s gone underground and still wielding power he’s more dangerous now than ever.**

 

Yuuri chewed his lips thinking of the men he had to leave behind as decoys.  They were slowly making their way back home.

 

**Ryoka/ We made it over the border into Finland.**

 

**Yuuri/ Stay safe.**

 

**Yuuri/ And together if possible.**

 

**Takeo/ Don’t worry, boss.  I’ll keep his ass in line.**

 

Yuuri couldn’t help but smile involuntarily.  Catching Victor’s worried looks, he told him, “The boys made it out.  They should be home in a day or two.”

 

A sigh of relief released even as Victor wound his arms around Yuuri’s elbow.

 

**Chris/ Are you two alive?  Phichit was in a panic!**

 

**Yuuri/ We had to escape in a hurry but we’re safe in Japan.**

 

**Chris/ Thank god!  You had to piss off all of Russia.**

 

**Yuuri/ Not all.  Just the seedy part.**

 

**Chris/ I don’t find comfort in your words.**

 

“I don’t either,” Victor replied with a frown.  Yuuri looked to see the blue eyes settled on the small screen... _ I forgot your French is perfect. _

 

“Shall we go back home?” Yuuri asked even as he turned their steps.  Victor nodded, snuggling into him.

 

* * *

  
  
  


Yuuri taped another box together, watching Victor pick through things.  There was an anxious reluctance like he wanted to know but didn’t at the same time.  He folded clothes. He gathered books. Every impersonal thing he didn’t need was sorted, organized neatly and eventually boxed.  On the dresser and desk sat various treasures from Victor’s childhood. Three bunnies sat at attention. A flower crown dried and carefully wrapped, settled in a hat box.  A pair of dance shoes, small, the size of a child’s foot. A pair of skates not much bigger. Journals. A box of jewelry. Another box holding letters. Victor almost put it away without considering it but Yuuri stayed his hand.  “You said it had letters from a long time ago. From...before.”

 

Victor finally stopped, his hands sliding through his hair, tightening but not tugging on the silver strands.  He rested a hand just beneath his throat, thumb and index finger tracing nervously down his collar bone. His eyes studied each artifact.  Then he stopped suddenly, turning towards Yuuri and running into his arms. The older man wrapped him into his arms brushing a kiss into his hair.  “Darling Vitya...what’s wrong?”

 

Victor sniffed, a tremble going down his body, overwhelmed with the implication behind the emotion.  “I-if something is bad...these are things…” Victor huffed, cuddling into Yuuri’s arms.

 

Yuuri tightened his hold on the younger man, understanding Victor’s fear of possibly losing his last few connections to his mother.  “If it is important to you, then perhaps Mom can figure something out. But...I don’t want you to hang onto something that is hurting you.  And...I don’t think your mother would either.”

 

Victor drew in a shaky breath, but could feel the heavy pout on his face.  Crossing the floor, he pulled Douglas out of the mix and settled down against the wall, legs butterflied, bunny in lap.  He smoothed out the long ears, his frown deepening. Yuuri knelt before him, holding out his hand. “I think it’s time for a break.  Let’s go downstairs and see what everyone else is doing.”

 

Victor reluctantly stood, but he held onto the bunny, peering between its ears.  Yuuri could see the vulnerability, the child within Victor, the fear, the sadness.  He looked up at the wall, a shiver sliding down his spine. Pulling Victor into his arms, he led him out of the room and down to the living room.

 

Mari watched them stepping back to let them past.  Toshiya thinned his lips, a heavy sigh slipping from his lips.  His eyes looked past the couple towards his wife, worry crinkling the corners.  Hiroko stood waiting as if she knew, leading them into the kitchen.

 

Victor didn’t go to a stool at the bar like normal.  He moved towards the corner, his fingers sliding over the surface before dropping down, knees to chest, bunny held tightly to him.  “Mama…” he whimpered softly, his head leaning against the wall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I left it on a sad note but we'll deal with that right away in the next chapter. Wednesday post! And if you didn't catch it, there's a Memories update! Go give BluSkates a read!


	41. Hanging Tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two letters I never read…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much happens here...enjoy it!

* * *

 

[ Hanging Tree ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKAM_Hk4eZ0)

 

 

Yuuri knelt next to Victor, his hands sliding over the younger man’s arms then knees.  “Vitya, don’t lock yourself away from me, sweetie"…” Yuuri’s voice brushed over him softly, imploring the younger man to shake out of it.

 

Hiroko busied herself making tea her eyes darting to the corner with a troubled expression.  Yuuri sighed, leaning back on his heels, and turned a helpless expression to his mother.

 

“I don’t know what to do,” he confessed.  Standing, he went to the counter where he was greeted with a cup of tea.

 

“Tell me what was happening before he disappeared,” she suggested, her eyes returning to the corner looking above and behind Victor before sliding a concerned eye down to the young man curled in on himself.

 

“We were packing and had narrowed down the possibilities to just a few items,” he began.  Resting his eyes on the silver head ducked down to focus on his hands, he continued, “We were talking about his treasures and he started to worry about losing something important to him and then...well, this…”  He gestured towards the body collapsed in on itself in the corner. “He started shutting down.” Yuuri’s eyes, damp with unshed tears, begged his mother for help.

 

Hiroko shifted her eyes to the tiny figure in the corner then back to her son with determination.  “Then let’s put his mind to rest. Go get the items and bring them down here.”

 

* * *

  
  


Hiroko watched her son leave the room and the heard the urgent steps as they ran up the stairs.  She didn’t have long before he would return. Slipping into her native tongue, she knew the apparition would understand.  Ghosts communicated through the thought, not the spoken word. “Your son...he is safe now.”

 

The shadowed figure tightened her protective hold on the tiny body, a shade of hair flowing around him as the face settled on the crown of his silvery head.  Hiroko could see the child curled up within the adult, a part of him that never let the entire man grow up. He would in time...with love and nurturing. But now was not that time.  The shadowy fingers wisped through Victor’s hair. The young man seemed unaware of the interaction, not perceiving the touch.

 

“My son...he loves him.”  Hiroko watched as the shade ran a ghostly hand over the back of her boy.  “He will protect him with everything in him.”

 

The apparition tilted her head, her eyes soft as she studied her son.  Hiroko could feel the struggle within the other woman. The desire to stay, to keep her son as safe as she could.  The knowledge that she would need to leave, that her presence was only keeping him arrested.

 

Hiroko knew to appeal to that, mother to mother, “If you hold him too tight, he’ll slip away from both of us.  He’ll lose his hold on this world but he’ll never find his way to yours. You don’t want that.”

 

Mother knelt down by son, enveloping him in her form, ghostly lips brushing a kiss against that forehead before pulling away, searching Hiroko’s eyes, looking for any doubt or weakness and finding only love.  She was satisfied enough to leave. The shade lightened and for a few moments Hiroko was able to see Alina as she was in life, beautiful, luminescent. And then she was gone. Hiroko was on her knees next to Victor, fingers brushing through his hair, feeling the cold of his skin when her son rejoined them.  “Go to my room, Yuuri...the quilt...the one that I showed you from before. It’s finished. Bring it here.”

 

Yuuri settled the objects on the counter with care before turning to do her bidding.  Questions could come later. He could hear the urgency in her voice and knew to obey immediately.  Returning, he spread the blanket over the still form. His mother helped him to tuck it around the body.  “Come here,” she urged. And then he was on the floor, pulling Victor into his chest. “Your warmth, your love...to ground him.”

 

Yuuri held him close, his eyes watching his mother.  She could see the hands moving under the quilt, warming up Victor in his arms.  Then the shivering. Smiling softly, she knew...he was coming back to them. It was always so hard when the spirit left the body prematurely.  If one wasn’t careful, it could become lost.

 

She watched her son care for the man he loved, coaxing him gently back to him, following instructions without question.  It never failed to amaze Hiroko how her children and husband simply accepted the things she did without question. She knew her son would do all he could and turned her attention to the box he had brought down, sorting the objects.  Certain things she could discard quickly, familiarity touching her fingers. Her fingers then rested on the bunnies. She knew them, the love her son sewed into the bodies one tiny stitch after another. Gathering them up, she crossed the room and knelt next to Victor.  The startling blue eyes were closed but he was breathing, his head resting against Yuuri’s chest, his arm wrapped around the bunny Hiroko had initially examined. She tucked them next to Victor. “Maybe the scent will pull him on over. There is an amazing power in scent,” she instructed in a low voice.

 

“Is that why I need to hold him?” Yuuri whispered.

 

“So many reasons...but that is one,” she smiled encouragingly.  “You need to hold onto your love tightly, Yuuri. Keep him here.”  She knew later she would have to explain this.

 

Yuuri didn’t know exactly what she meant but he tightened his hold on Victor and watched her move back to the counter to sort through the objects one by one.  The letters appeared normal at first glance but her hand stopped...there was something about them. With a cautious glance, she set them aside to study later. The little bits of costume jewelry had belonged to Victor’s mother, and most of them collected by the dancer during her career or as an occasional gift from a lover.  However, she slowed as she felt her hands passing over older pieces. A few likely passed down through her family, higher quality, ornate and aged. They had only half a sense of Alina and her bloodline. However, Hiroko paused at a locket, larger than normal, holding a secret. She placed it over by the letters in a box.

 

The figure stirred in Yuuri’s arms and Victor’s eyes fluttered open drawing Hiroko’s attention away from the lot.  She returned to his side. “There you are. How are you feeling?”

 

Victor looked around confused and disoriented.  “What happened?”

 

Hiroko’s eyes flicked up to Yuuri who responded, “I think you became overwhelmed.  Sometimes that causes us to shut down.”

 

Victor shivered and Yuuri tightened the blanket around him.  “I was...packing...I think?”

 

“We almost finished packing...we were looking through the objects you set aside,” Yuuri explained.  “But I think you were...upset?”

 

Victor tightened up his body curling into Yuuri with a frown.  “I don’t remember.” He turned to Hiroko with a huff. “What are we doing now?”

 

“I’m just going through the objects you picked out.  Do you want to help, dear?” She held out a hand. He shrugged out of the blanket and nodded following her to the barstool.

 

Yuuri folded the quilt with care placing it on the work table before joining Victor at the bar.  He ran his hand down Victor’s back and received a small smile in response. Victor still looked a little disconnected but not as bad as Yuuri had seen him a number of times.  This retreat was different than the ones before, less that Victor had run away and more...something pulling him.

 

Hiroko started to sort through the other treasures.  She smelled the flower crown and smiled as childhood wonder wafted up to greet her.  She handed it to Victor who fingered the delicate dried petals. Victor smiled softly as a memory flitted loose like a will-o-wisp.  “I wore this in my first dance recital. Mama braided my hair and pinned the flowers onto my head. I...wore a tutu. It was long and flowy.”  His smile slipped a little. “The teacher wasn’t happy. She insisted that I be dressed like a boy. My mother told her that I wasn’t bound by such frivolous details.”  Victor’s chin lifted and voice pitched up with airy authority. “A dancer can become anyone they choose.” He lifted his eyes to Hiroko and smiled. “I did get to dance with the tutu that recital.  But afterwards, I followed Mama to the studio where I danced with the other children of the company. I didn’t go back to that school, Mama had me learn from the dancers she worked with or taught me herself.”

 

Horoko lifted the dance slippers and skates, quickly passing them over, both were filled with the warmth of childhood joy.  Her fingers brushed over them feeling the energy of childhood that still licked around the surfaces. Victor hugged them lovingly to his chest as they were placed in his reach.  The journals caused her to hesitate and she thumbs through them getting a feel for the words she could not read. Teenage ups and downs, heartaches and happiness like the rise and fall of the tides.  They were full of emotion, some of it very intense, but nothing that spoke of the darkness she worried about. She finally set them aside.

 

Returning to the objects she piled together, she picked up the locket.  Turning to Victor she asked, “May I open it?” He nodded slowly, eyes trained on her movements.  She fiddled with the latch a moment and then the locket opened. Inside, she found a picture of mother and son, the child just a baby.  She traced the image with her finger then notices some give behind the picture. Reaching for a small tool, she gently removed the picture.  Behind it, she found a letter, folded tightly. She couldn’t read it but deeply felt its importance. She handed it to Yuuri. The words were in Russian cursive elegantly penned.  Next to Victor he turned to hand over the delicate paper, the younger man hesitantly took the letter. He unfolded it to lay it flat and studied the handwriting. Yuuri watched as Victor’s eyes danced over the letter, catching phrases and terms, understanding immediately, “It’s from my...Papa.  I’ve never seen it before.”

 

_ My sweet Alina, _

 

_ It pains me to write this knowing that I have to say goodbye to both you and my son.  The family is watching me more closely now and I won’t risk them finding you. From now on, if I see you I will not be able to acknowledge you, and I need you to do the same.  We must pass as strangers. But know in my heart I will always hold you both close. _

 

_ You talked about nightmares, that I never slept well, even in your arms.  For a while I had hoped that the joy I found with you could push that away, but I know that there is no out running this.  I know of what you spoke. These words I share with you...you must secret them away. Just know...I hope my son will be spared if he is far away from us.  Perhaps, if he is not part of my family, if I have no connection to his life, he will be free of this. _

 

_ It was my great grandfather who brought this upon us all.  So hungry with power that he would lead men to ruin with gambling debts taking everything from them.  One after another they fell. Lords. Tradesmen. But it wasn’t enough. He wanted to control the entire district.  He wanted Baranovsky power. _

 

_ It was very fashionable at the time to play with dark forces.  World War I had stretched this nation to its limit and many were starving.  There was a lot of unrest. This country has always known that there is a darkness to run to, to barter with, when needed.  Many were throwing their hands in with things they knew nothing about. Blood ran through the streets...and then the Czar fell along with his family.  My great grandfather Alexei Volkov made his move. With an ill deal, he damned us all. _

 

_ Every generation is forced to renew the arrangement through blood offering.  The beast is hungry and he torments those who get away until they relent. And then...he becomes a voice whispering in your ear.  Either you fight it or you listen...and become stronger but at a horrific cost. I wasn’t given a choice. I was young and tormented by nightmares.  My father cut my palm and milked my blood for the demon to drink. And then I was lost, I have been ever since. I fight it...it doesn’t care. My torment or others, it feeds just the same. _

 

_ I do not want this for my son.  But it demands sacrifice. The price of my great grandfather’s greed...the blood of his sons and daughters.  Do not cut his palm. The nightmares are better than the torment. _

 

_ With deepest regrets, _

_ Andrei _

 

Victor blinked in surprise as he come to the end of the letter.  Lifting up his eyes wide with fear, he looked from Yuuri to Hiroko.  “Is this the...thing?” Hiroko shook her head but her lips were thin as she, too, sorted through the information revealed in the letter.  Victor slowly handed the paper to Yuuri not missing the shake of his own hand. The older man carefully folded it along the aged creases passing it to his mother.  She settled it back into the locket and returned the picture to its resting place. The locket was then placed back into the box of jewelry.

 

“He probably carried the locket until he decided it was unsafe to do so,” Yuuri mused quietly as he watched her hand close the lid.

 

“What...what does it mean...by blood offering?” Victor asked softly.

 

Hiroko frowned, her words hesitant.  “It’s a pact sealed by blood. If your father had resisted the pact, it would not have been passed on to you.  But...it appears he had no choice, the decision was made for him as a child.”

 

Victor frowned as he considered the last months of his life.  “H-he...beat me, lashed me, made me bleed. Did that...am I now...cursed?”  He thought of the cuts, all over his body, surely there was a blood offering if one was needed.

 

“Oppressed...the energy eater is attached to you.  However, it hasn’t rooted into you, dear. You are old enough that others can’t make that choice for you.  It is up to you to decide.”

 

Victor’s eyes widened looking from one to the other.  “I don’t want it.”

 

Yuuri slipped his arms around Victor from behind and the younger man dipped his head down to lie on his shoulder.  “That’s not what she’s suggesting,” Yuuri soothed. “She is saying that no one can force you into this decision.” A shiver went through Victor as he nodded against his lover.  Finally, he pulled himself up and dipped his head towards the rest, urging Hiroko to continue. So far his treasures have remained intact.

 

She pulled over the box of letters.  She lifted out the letters one at a time, smiling when she saw her son’s words of love on the first but then the smile faltered.  “This letter...there’s something in the paper.” She smelled it then nodded. “Iron.” Setting to the side, she continued.

 

The next letter, from Victor’s mother.  Nothing...just loving words written to her son.  The following, from Victor’s aunt. Words mingled with magic...good magic.  More letters from Alina. They were clean and Hiroko placed them all in a separate pile.

 

Then she lifted the box.  Breathing in the scent, she turned her head as if avoiding a stench.  “Is this box important to you?”

 

“N-no...I’ve had it for a long time but I found it in the prop room where Mama worked,” Victor answered glancing over at Yuuri as if to see if his words were alright.  Yuuri gave him a reassuring smile and squeezed his hand.

 

Hiroko pulled the lining loose with sharp, deft movements.  The old fabric gave with ease, come loose at a repair where the fabric appeared to have been removed and then glued back down.  The opening and repair looked far too recent to have been done by Victor’s mother. She continued to pull it free and gasped as she found another folded piece of paper.  Opening it, she was hit with something, a scent, a magic, something that caused her to drop the letter, her eyes widening, before she sunk to the floor, unconscious. Yuuri immediately dove to catch his mother but was only able to slow her fall and ended up on the floor next to her.  Hiroko falling seemed to shake Victor out of the last vestiges of his daze. The younger man slid from the stool and crawled across the floor near her feet. Yuuri was kneeling next to her patting her hand and face saying “Mom” over and over again, trying to get her to wake up.

 

Victor reached for the letter with a shaky hand.  He swallowed, smelling the harsh odor now that the letter was free of the fabric.  He recognized it and felt the nausea come up.  _ It’s the same herbs that were put on my wounds _ .  Closing his eyes to give himself a moment, he pushed through the sick feeling inside.  His eyes opened and studied the Cyrillic letters. He worked through the waves of nausea and lightheadedness.  His body would sway under the temptation to fall under, then surge with a dry heave. Swallowing the bile down more than once but he read through the letter.

 

Movement next to him brought his attention upwards.  Hiroko was coming to and Yuuri helped her to sit. “M-mama...are you okay?”

 

“Such...strong emotions,” she murmured.

 

Yuuri’s eyes rested on the letter in Victor’s hand.  The younger man looked back down taking a deep breath.  “H-he knew. He knew I was his cousin. He pieced it together.  Things I held onto. H-he said it was fate. W-we were meant to be together and h-he won’t stop until he sees it through.  Th-there’s some weird symbols on this. Something that looks like a seal of sorts.”

 

Hiroko pulled herself up, shaking off her son.  “I’m fine, Yuuri. Let me see, Vicchan,” she demanded, reaching out her hand even as it shook to touch the foul paper again.  Yuuri came up behind her ready in case she went down once more. Now better prepared for it, she rested her eyes on the letter studying the diagram.  “It’s...a blood claim.”

 

Victor’s expression was grim as he continued.  “H-he….called me his treasure...it says he won’t share me not even with the rest of the family.  He’s convinced that fate and the gods...or maybe it’s demons considering what we know now...arranged our match.”  Victor shakily laid down the letter.

 

“We’ve got to hand this over to the police,” Yuuri stated.

 

Victor shook his head.  “What good would that do?  They were already looking for him.  And he still slipped through their grasp.”  His eyes flicked towards the paper. “He’ll...come for me again.”

 

His words left a chill of their own in the room, words of defeat Yuuri hadn’t heard in some time.  The older man wanted nothing more than to destroy everything, every single piece, of Mikhail Volkov, but it was the sorrow in Victor’s voice that threatened to break his heart.  Hiroko frowned as her eyes moved from the boy to the letter. “We have to break that claim.”

 

“How?  Rip it up?  The words are still out there.”  Victor seemed so lost, sunken.

 

“It’s...not just the words on the letter, Vicchan.  It is...the ink is mixed with blood...his blood. We have to burn it.  The magic...it’s bad.” Hiroko picked up the letter and box. “Toshiya?” she called out.  Turning back to the counter, she picked up Yuuri’s letter. Victor’s eyes widened as he reached out in protest.  “I’m sorry, Vicchan...it has to go, too. It’s tainted...something...hate...it has blood magic in the letter as well.  It’s the blood that makes the energy eater so strong.”

 

“Will this break the hold on Victor?” Yuuri asked.

 

Hiroko sighed and shook her head.  “Not the hold...but it will weaken it.  And it will have greater difficulty following you.  It will...eventually. And you’ll have to make another guardian.  But until then, you will have peace...in Detroit.”

 

Toshiya came into the room and took in the haggard trio, his demeanour changing from his normal easy going manner to one of alarm.  Yuuri thought how odd it looked to see his father scared. “What’s wrong, my wife?”

 

“I need you to prepare the brazier.  And gather some cedar.” Her words might have sounded strange in any other family.  However, her husband took it in stride. He nodded with acceptance calling Mari in and giving her some instructions.

 

He turned back to his wife, “Mari will go for the cedar.  Let’s get your fire in order.”

 

* * *

  
  


The rest of them filed into the garden.  With the sure movements of a man determined to please his wife, Toshiya cleared the brazier of any remnants of the previous fire.  He then laid out the charcoal coaxing the briquettes to burn until a nice orange and ash glow settled in the belly of the metal. Mari entered with the cedar and followed her mother’s instructions as the two of them bundled the cedar with lavender and sage.

 

“Cedar for protection,” she explained.  “Sage will heal, bless, and cleanse the space.  And lavender will invite the protection and peace of good spirits.”  She nodded to Victor, putting the items into his cold, shaking hands.  “ _ You _ have to burn it.  It’s a rejection of the claim he tried to make on  _ you _ .”

 

Victor drew in a long, shaky breath but nodded.  He laid the paper written by Mikhail onto the fire first, the flame licking hungrily up to engulf it.  Victor felt a chill as it disappeared slowly, as if it were struggling against the flames. Next, he laid in the box.  The fire took its time to consume it, licking around it and crackling. He jumped as a pop released an air bubble in the wood.  Finally, it was nothing more than charred wood and ash.

 

“Vitya, the letters,” Yuuri whispered, prompting gently.

 

Victor turned teary eyes up to Yuuri, the letters clutched tightly in his hands, pressed against his chest.  “It’s the first words of love you wrote to me.”

 

“My love isn’t contained in letters, Vitya...it’s here,” he murmured tapping his chest then reaching out to touch Victor’s, he added, “and here.”

 

Victor frowned, his lip trembling but he nodded.  Turning to the fire, he dropped in Yuuri’s letters one by one.  “I kept finding them...on the floor. I never figured out why. Until later when I realized he’d been in my apartment.  I think...he was hoping I’d throw them away. Maybe he cursed them in the event I kept them.”

 

Yuuri stood behind him, his hands on Victor’s upper arms sharing his strength.  They stepped back as Hiroko and Mari started adding in the sticks made from the herbs and cedar.  The scents mixed into the smoke and Victor felt his eyes close, his body relaxing against Yuuri who continued to support him from behind.  The wind shifted, a downdraft twisting through the smoke and wrapping around the young man and his lover. Hiroko smiled as she watched the current.  “It appears the gods have accepted our offering. Good. You will be well kept now, Vicchan.”

 

Victor blinked his eyes open feeling a little light headed but relaxed in Yuuri’s arms.  “Will that...thing still be in Yuuri’s room?”

 

Hiroko cast her eyes to the upper window, she alone had heard the shriek when Victor dropped the horrible letter in.  “It’s already weakening, the blood seal broken. But...until the contract is broken, it will still exist. It can find its way back to you.  If it was a blood offering made to the energy eater, it will take a sacrificial blood offering to break it. An offering of love.”

 

Victor shivered.  “But for a while...I’ll have some peace,” Victor murmured, his eyes trained on the smoke.  He appeared calmed by the ritual she rushed him through.

 

“For a while…” Hiroko assured him quietly studying the white clouds rising from the brazier.

 

_ Time to heal.  Time to let go of your fear.  Time to love. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! And thank you to Magrathea and BluSkates for the beta reads and edits. I need to write some more GY's because I'm running through my back logs (but...spring break is just around the corner!)


	42. The Mad Hatter or the Red Queen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the cleansing, Victor and Yuuri prepare to leave for Detroit. Can Yuuri keep him safe?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, we're back... easing back into this story. BluSkates should have something up later this week from her side of the matter. So settle into the creepy side of life and enjoy the continuation of my ghost story.

* * *

 

[ The Mad Hatter or the Red Queen ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04UjShXZbD0)

 

Summary:  Final moments in Hasetsu

 

Victor rolled over with a groan.  He noticed how his body felt, rather how it didn’t feel.  There were no tight muscles, no aches or cramps running through him.  A smiled crawled to his lips, his blue eyes blinking open to find Yuuri propped up on his elbow watching him.  “Oh...good morning,” he smiled, his hand reaching up to cup Yuuri’s cheek, encouraging him into a kiss. “I...slept last night.”

 

The older man quickly complied to his lover’s demands dipping down to drop several kisses on those soft pink lips before replying, “Yes, you did.  No nightmares, just rest. How do you feel?”

 

Victor stretched out his back, both feet pointing under the sheets, the stretch going all the to his toes.  “Like...a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.” He couldn’t deny the way he felt, but it didn’t seem right to him.  “I don’t know why it should feel that way. I learned some horrible things...but I feel like they no longer press down on me.”

 

“I think _ not knowing _ is a heavy burden,” Yuuri pointed out.

 

“Exactly.”  He was quiet for a moment processing more of the information.  A sad certainty appeared in the blue eyes. “He really is insane, Yuuri.  Oddly...organized. But when it comes down to it, he’s quite mad.”

 

Yuuri frowned, he knew Victor was correct in his observation.  Volkov mad, true, but he was methodical in a way only a madman could be.  And that made him dangerous just as much as the instability. “I think that high intellect helped cover it up.”

 

Victor pursed his lips, his eyes focusing on nothing as he thought back at little instances that showed the man for the monster he truly was.  “He...studied people. But he always felt...like he was a little smarter than them. He tried to make me feel...less intelligent. He was...condescending.”  He blinked up at Yuuri with a huff. “Why did I not see that right away?”

 

“Because...as you said, he studied people.  He knew how to manipulate them.” Yuuri slid a hand on the younger man’s arm, coaxing him back to the present.

 

Victor frowned as he thought further, his fingers toying with Yuuri’s t-shirt.  “He’s still out there.”

 

Yuuri’s expression gave his thoughts away.  “I know. And I don’t like the way things are shifting in St. Petersburg.  However, since there is a lot of action in St. Petersburg, we know that he can’t leave.  It’s a small comfort, but it’s at least something.”

 

Victor paled a little, his slender frame eliciting a shiver.  “How do we...stay safe in Detroit?”

 

Yuuri pursed his lips.  “I’m taking more men with me.  They have a couple of apartments on the same floor.  They will accompany each of us to class...but honestly, I’m old fashioned.  I’ll be walking you to class,” he explained, running a finger down Victor’s arm.

 

He blushed and ducked down.  “You’re going to walk me to class?”

 

“Whenever possible,” he murmured, dipping in once more to steal a kiss.

 

“And will you carry my books?”  Victor looked into his eyes with a coy smile.

 

Yuuri practically melted at the prospect but wanted to play, to give Victor the challenge he wanted.  “No. What if you study Shakespeare and I have to carry those heavy tomes?”

 

Victor widened his eyes in mock outrage, “I’m going to study the complete works of Stephen King and you’ll carry every book if you aren’t careful!”  Victor giggled softly and Yuuri watched his lover focus on the good, a soft blush of happiness blooming into his cheeks.  _ How could anyone think to hurt you?  _  He lowered his lips once more, this time slipping his tongue just beneath the surface, lovingly extending the kiss and feeling Victor respond to his touch.

 

* * *

  
  
  


Victor sat on the floor of Hiroko’s room, his knees butterflied out.  She had stolen him away after dinner, leaving Yuuri with his sister and father to clean up.  “You are leaving us tomorrow,” she began quietly. “You haven’t been mine long, but I admit letting you go is as hard as letting Yuuri go.”

 

Victor blushed, his eyes dropping to his feet, the warmth of her words filling him up from within.  “I know I had Lilia and Yakov after Mama passed away...but it’s different, you know. It shouldn’t be.  I know they think of me as their own. But...you remind me of her.”  _ And there’s something easy about the way you show love...I know they meant well, but Lilia and Yakov don’t communicate through touch and gentleness the way you do...they way she did...the way I need. _

 

She smiled softly, reaching out a hand to squeeze his.  “I don’t know if you saw this earlier, but I made this thinking of you.  I made one for Yuuri when he moved out, a bit of home to take with him. This is for you.”  She reached over to her side and lifted the bundle.

 

He took it gingerly from her hands, his eyes floating over the folded surface studying the fine handwork.  He stood up up and with her help unfolded the quilt, studying the scene before him. The ghosted figure in the clouds held his attention as his fingers traced the lines of stitching.  “Mama,” he whispered. He could feel himself becoming emotional as the tears began to fall. “I...don’t know what to say. This is...the kindest, most beautiful gift I’ve ever been given.”  Then he giggled through his tears. “Don’t tell Yuuri I said that.”

 

She smiled warmly.  “It will be our secret.  I’m glad you like it.” She examined the little face before,  _ laughter through tears is my favorite emotion. _

 

“ _ Like it _ doesn’t begin to describe how I feel.  I love it...but even that doesn’t go far enough.”  He let go of the fabric and ran up to the older woman putting her arms around her and hugging her close to his heart.  “I am convinced my mother would love you. You have shown me every kindness and have taken such good care of me. Thank you.”

 

She closed her eyes and breathed in his scent, sweet and young and hopeful.  Thinking of the woman who helped bring this boy to her she sighed.  _ How hard it is to let go of you, I understand her now.   _ “Oh, you are most welcome, Vicchan,” she responded hugging him in return.

 

They carefully folded the quilt and Victor smiled as he fingered the delicate stitching.  “Yuuri knew...I wondered about the space he made in the last box. It was too big for just the bunnies.”

 

Hiroko spoke softly, worried to remind the young man of his scary break down the previous night.  “Well, this is the blanket we wrapped you in the other night. It is infused with lavender.”

 

Victor smiled as he brought it to his nose.  “How do I keep the scent?”

 

“I can  [ write ](https://www.wikihow.com/Make-Lavender-Linen-Water) it down for you.  It’s not as hard as it seems, but it does take some time and care.  This has lavender in the batting and will hold its scent for some time, but if you refresh it every time you launder it, then it will not fade.  Your care will lock its magic in tight, protecting those who sleep underneath it.”

 

Victor smiled at the thought of trading the blankets out on their shared bed.  “Maybe I can do the same with Yuuri’s quilt. We can trade them out.”

 

Hiroko smiled, her new son would keep a good house for her older son.  “I’m sure Yuuri’s quilt needs some love and repairs.”

 

“I’ve noticed some frays.  I wanted to ask if he minded if I fixed it but I didn’t want to mess up your work.”

 

She cupped a hand on his cheek, brown eyes sparkling in her smile, “Add your own touch to it...it’s meant to be patched and loved and I know everything you do for Yuuri will be with love.  And that will add to its own magic.”

 

He smiled, the blush highlighting his cheeks.  “I love him so much, Mama Hiroko. I don’t know how we managed to find each other a world away but I can’t imagine a life without him.”  Then his smile slipped. “Well, actually I can...and it is much much darker. He’s my sun, my moon, and all my stars.” His voice lilted into his mother tongue to restate the beautiful idea, the words dropping off his lips tenderly.  “ _ On moye solntse moya luna i vse moi zvezdy. _ ”  His eyes smiled as the softness filled his features.  “He found me.”

 

“And he will hold you close to his heart.  You are his special someone. I knew that when Yuuri fell in love, it would only be once and it would be forever.”

 

“I’m the same,” Victor echoed softly.  She squeezed his hand, her eyes knowing.  With a sigh, he gathered the quilt to him and hugged it to his chest.  “And I love all of you...thank you for making me your family.”

 

* * *

  
  


Yuuri added the finishing touches to the last box tucking the quilt in gingerly, settling the last bunny that somehow found its way out and into their bed last night.  It was morning and the bodyguards were working busily to ensure everything was secure for their flight. Akio and Kimiko seemed to be on edge, and informed the couple they would be by for the rest of their belongings around nine.  Yuuri and Victor would make their rounds to say goodbye before they flew out at noon. Placing the quilt with care, he cradled the three bunnies into its embrace before closing the lid and taping it shut. Everything was ready.

 

He found Victor downstairs helping Hiroko with breakfast.  His mother hid it well but he always felt the sadness in her when he left for school.  This time seemed especially heavy as she was saying goodbye to two sons this time. She busied herself in the things she did to share her love...making breakfast for them, preparing a special blend of tea that would help them relax on their journey.  She had more sachets ready for them should they want tea in flight. When the boys offered to clean up, she only fluttered a dish towel at them, making sure they were taken care of.

 

His father was in the garden and looked up in greeting, his peaceful smile welcoming them both.  “I suppose your mother has fussed over you both already.”

 

“She has a hard time letting go but she hides it as well as possible,” Yuuri said with a soft smile.

 

“Her heart is so fiercely protective.  It’s harder for her to keep everyone safe from far away,” he commented.

 

Yuuri’s eyes flicked to Victor as he answered, “I know how that feels.”

 

Toshiya studied his son thoughtfully.  “You’ve grown to be so much like her.”

 

“And I’ve found my peace just like she did,” he answered softly.  “Keep her quiet, Dad.”

 

The older man smiled, looking towards the kitchen then turning his eyes to his son’s face in humor.  “I will...now we just have Mari to worry about.”

 

Yuuri snorted knowing...Mari already had her other person.  They were private, uncertain how others would react. He had even argued with Akio that he should stay behind.  The head of his guard stated in no uncertain terms that he was the only one she trusted with her family. Mari would never accept that man again if he didn’t do his most to protect those she loved, Akio knew this.  And he was right...but Yuuri hated keeping them apart for so long. He knew where she disappeared to when Akio was not on duty.

 

He found his sister where he expected...on the back stoop, cigarette in hand.  “You’ll be gone until December,” she stated flatly as if she needed to say the words aloud to settle them around herself.

 

“More or less.  You could come to our competitions,” Yuuri pointed out.

 

Victor’s eyes lit up.  “I’d love that, Mari-neesan!”

 

She smirked at the younger man with a raised eyebrow.  The blond boy remained innocent in spite of all he’d been through, and that fascinated the older woman who’d been jaded by life.  Yuuri...the fierce protector...he lived somewhere in between. “We shall see.”

 

Yuuri and his sister exchanged a secret smile.  They knew each other’s heart so well. He nodded sharply, his goodbye simple.  Victor, though, wrapped her in a hug. “Oh!” she started and an indulgent smile settled on her face as she combed her fingers through his hair, hugging him back.  Looking at Yuuri, she added, “Call me when you get there.”

 

There were only two more stops before they headed to the airport.  The first to Ice Castle, the second to see his grandfather. At the familiar rink Yuuko and Takeshi promised to watch them skate through their season and then pulled them in a low conversation making them promise to let them know if they needed anything at all.  Takeshi had to gently detach his wife from her third goodbye hug with Victor, she had become quite taken with the young man.

 

Shinoba drove them with ease to the Katsuki-soma residence.  Yuuri climbed out of the car and held his hand out to Victor who followed him into the open.  The traditional residence welcomed them in its natural setting, trees standing guard around the courtyard.  His fingers entwined with Yuuri’s, Victor slipped his other hand into the crook of his boyfriend’s elbow. Sofu was kind and warm but the power he wielded still unnerved the younger man.  It was hard to understand the polar differences of Yakuza and Bratva. Victor had been introduced to one in the most vicious manner, this would forever shadow his understanding of the other.  This kind man was also the imposing force behind what allowed Yuuri to make broad strokes through rules.

 

Inside, they were greeted by Sofu’s partner, a beautiful woman in her forties with very traditional manners.  She guided them inside and both Yuuri and Victor settled on their knees across from the older man already seated at the table.  “So you are leaving me once again,” the old man stated with teasing accusation.

 

Yuuri smiled warmly.  “It appears so, Sofu. More school.  More training.”

 

“And your young man?”  Sofu turned his attention to the pale younger man who tried not to flutter under the gaze, “Victor-san, what are you plans?”

 

Victor felt himself calming, the voice of the older man so kind and loving it helped to settle him.  “I’ll be attending classes as well, Sofu. I passed my exams and will be advancing into my second year of courses.”

 

Sofu chuckled at the unintentional boast, happy to hear the boy speak confidently, “I knew you would be smart.  Good. And what will you be studying?”

 

“Literature and writing, but I have other courses I have to take as well.  I’m excited but also a bit trepidatious.” Victor’s eyes were able to keep to the man’s face, but the grandfather was not fooled.  The hands danced about in his lap, still nervous. Thankfully his grandson was a good man, he smiled watching Yuuri rest a gentle touch on Victor’s back.

 

“Hopefully my grandson’s presence will ease your spirit,” the old man encouraged.  Turning back to Yuuri, he asked, “Do you know where you will be skating for the next season?”

 

“The assignments should be out soon.”

 

Sofu frowned, not knowing was not in his business.  “Make sure you take plenty of men with you.”

 

“I have eight joining me this term on campus.”  Yuuri knew this was a much bigger group than he would normally take, even to indulge his grandfather, but with Victor’s safety he would take no chances.  “I can’t...I don’t want to go with less until I learn he is dead. There is a lot of in-fighting within that Bratva. I know it sounds mercenary but I hope he’s a casualty.  What do you know?”

 

The elderly man nodded, happy to see his grandson take this seriously, “Our contacts in Russia have shown two changes of power since you’ve left.  The old Pakhan, Pavel Volkov, is most definitely dead. A high ranking member of his cabinet took power and held it, for almost three days. They found most of him yesterday.  There are two men, also long time associates of Volkov trying to carve out a peace by splitting up the city but there’s no sign this will work.” Turning back to Victor, he added, “You stay close to my grandson and if you must be separated have my men at your back.  Understand?”

 

Victor shuddered a little.  He knew the order was given because of the love the man bore him and his Yuuri, but it still scared him.  “Yes, Sofu. Thank you.”

 

Softening his tone he reminded the young man, “You are under my protection.  They are good men.”

 

Victor smiled warily and nodded his acknowledgment.  They left soon after loading up to head to the airport.  Even with all of the precautions they made, the stern warning from Sofu rang in Victor’s ears.  “Yuuri, will we be okay?”

 

“Yes, Vitya.  You’ll notice the men at first but eventually they will become such a part of your daily life you won’t even think about them.  And like I said...I’m walking you to class.” He winked pulling a giggle from the younger man. They arrived at the airport and were soon loaded on board.  Victor knew their belongings were in the cargo hold.

 

Cuddling into Yuuri’s side, he murmured, “Soon I get to see Makka again.”  Pulling out his phone, he thumbed through the latest pictures sent by Phichit.

 

Yuuri smiled, kissing the top of that silver head while looking over his shoulder.  “Soon…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can a spell be woven strong enough to protect our couple?


	43. Friday I’m in Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri and Victor arrive in Detroit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SURVIVED PROM!
> 
> It was actually quite successful. 
> 
> In celebration, the next lovely chapter of GY...
> 
> So much thanks go to both Magrathea and BluSkates who are hoping I will eventually write a new chapter.

* * *

 

[ Friday I’m in Love ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W22ATmsknto)

 

 

Victor skipped ahead of Yuuri as they approached the apartment.  Two men had gone ahead of them and secured the location. Four traveled with them.  Two surveyed the perimeter. The additional guards and the new environment had Victor feeling light in his safety.  Victor’s belongings were carried by two, but the other two kept their hands free, their eyes alert. Yuuri also carried a couple of boxes.  He smiled as the lithe form ahead of him seemed to skim over the floor.

 

In the apartment, barking and squealing greeted the men, the youngest who dropped to his knees, cooing at the grateful dog.  “There’s my Makka! I’ve missed you so much! I can’t believe you’ve grown so much!” She hadn’t, but to Victor, she’d grown in his thoughts.  She was all over Victor smelling him, pawing at him, and rolling all over him. Victor giggled and hugged her close. Yuuri watched the affectionate exchange on the floor of their apartment and breathed an easy sigh.  Makka worked a magic on Victor that none could touch.

 

Phichit came out of his room and laughed at the two of them sprawled out then noticed the boxes.  “Need some help?”

 

“Always welcome.  Grab that dolly from the closet.”  Yuuri added with an ominous touch to his voice, “Victor has books.”

 

Phichit’s eyes widened but he nodded, casting a glance at the man on the floor, who was shooting his boyfriend as dirty a glare as he could muster.  “I hear you.” Soon the men went downstairs to gain the next load. Victor was torn between following them out the door and relishing time with Makka when Yuuri waved him back to the attention of the dog.  “Catch up with your friend. We’ll be back soon. Then you can unpack while enjoying Makkachin’s company.”

 

Victor toyed with the curls then found himself drawn back down into the private spaces set aside for himself and Yuuri.  In the first room, he smiled at the boxes starting to pile up. A shuffle from behind had him turn to see Yuuri with a dolly.  “Hey,” he huffed as he set down the stack. “So I thought we’d put everything in here then unpack from there to figure out where it all goes.”

 

Victor nodded even as he hugged himself thoughtfully.  This room would be their shared study area, and they could easily load and store the boxes and items here without disturbing their sleep if the unpacking took more than a day.  “We need to get some shelves.”

 

“Already ordered,” Yuuri reassured him.

 

Victor looked through the labels and found the box he was seeking.  Pulling the tape, he pulled out Douglas, Mr. Darcy, and Col. Brandon, carrying them to the bedroom immediately.  Yuuri followed behind with the quilt his mother had made. Victor arranged the bunnies on the bed. “Can we get a shelf for in here as well?”

 

“Sure,” Yuuri began eying the arrangement.  “I just prefer not to have books shelved over my head when I’m sleeping.”

 

Victor giggled.  “Well, I was thinking for the bunnies.  They shouldn’t fall on your head.” He paused then giggled.  “Unless you make them mad.”

 

Yuuri regarded him, unsure if he was serious or not.  Anymore, the rules that he once thought dictated the substance of life was now in question and anything was possible.  Normally, Yuuri would assume that bunnies don’t launch themselves from shelves to bomp people on the head while they slept, but things were different now…less normal.  Then he watched that single lid close and Victor’s winsome smile. That wink was all Yuuri needed. He dove into Victor tickling him until the man beneath him was a giggling mess.

 

As Victor caught his breath he reached up and pulled Yuuri into a kiss.  “This...is our place. For you and me…”

 

Yuuri quirked up an eyebrow and added, “And Phichit.”

 

“I kind of like having Phichit around,” Victor said quietly.

 

Yuuri smiled warmly.  “So do I.”

 

Victor snuggled into his arms.  “Tomorrow we have so much unpacking to do.  And I’m...oddly excited.”

 

Yuuri grinned.  “It’s a new start for you.”

 

Victor smiled.  “An adventure.”

 

They talked until sleep overtook them...about their home, about their future, about their classes.  Then Victor curled into Yuuri’s arms, hand on the Japanese man’s stomach, head tucked up under the older man’s chin.  He felt protected. Safe.

  
  


* * *

  
  


The next day, they put away what they could and made note of what they needed to properly store the rest.  The shelves were delivered and Yuuri put them together with Victor’s “supervision”. The Japanese man then let Victor put the books away in his odd system of organization.  Genre, author, topic. He wondered if the Library of Congress was this precise.

 

The reading chair Yuuri ordered arrived and Victor squealed with delight at the comfortable gray fabric.  Victor dug out a crocheted blanket, draping it over the back and arm, and that’s when Yuuri learned that his boyfriend could do more than sew.  “My mother taught me. She said it helped me learn to focus my thoughts on the small things.”

 

“She knew you’d lose yourself in your daydreams,” Yuuri said softly, admiring the delicate lace pattern of the deep burgundy yarn.

 

Victor nodded then smiled from beneath his lashes.  “She knew but...that was just me. She would say some people exist between worlds.  I was Alice. Or Lucy Pevensie. And later, Anne Shirley. After she passed away, as I got older I think I became Marianne Dashwood.  She said that authors wrote about dreamers because they themselves were dreamers caught somewhere between reality and something else. She said most artists are.  Like the writer of Peter Pan.” Victor let that settle between them.

 

Yuuri rolled his eyes at yet another Pan reference.  “And do you see me as a dreamer?”

 

Victor smirked back at his boyfriend, “You fell in love with a boy you never met.  Completely. Head over heels. In love. Are you telling me that’s not the act of a dreamer?”  As he spoke he rose, placing an arm on either of Yuuri’s shoulders and shifting further into the man’s space.  Then he leaned forward intimately. “Besides, I’ve seen you skate.” Yuuri blinked surprised. Victor lilted his voice as he quoted, “‘I could crawl inside the lyrics and know each note intimately.  They would claw at my soul, until I could no longer fight the emotions that took me to a place I could not experience. But, it was the possibility that made every verse a heart filled prediction and every beat a direction to follow.’”

 

Yuuri’s lips parted in surprise.  “Where...did you find that?”

 

“Shannon Alder.  I wrote it down in my journal one day after seeing you skate.  It was...before we met. I knew you...even then. I just didn’t know you wanted to know me.”  Victor looked into Yuuri’s eyes, a glimmer appearing something of want.

 

Yuuri smiled back at the young man, running a hand down the side of the pale face, “Part of me wants to say something has always drawn us to one another.  Is that silly? To think that there is some string connecting us to another soul we never met?”

 

Victor shrugged.  “You’re talking to a dreamer.  I believe in the silly and impossible.”

 

“And we write stories with our skates.”

 

“Over and over again until they are perfect.”  He pulled the  [ afghan ](https://img1.etsystatic.com/184/1/15693351/il_340x270.1337531207_cpw7.jpg) over his lap, the crocheted shell pattern undulating along the fabric folds, lifting it up to invite Yuuri to join him.  They settled into the chair together, the narrow points of their hips meeting as Victor curled into him, lifting the book of Russian  [ poetry ](https://www.amazon.com/garden-New-selected-poetry-prose/dp/0805012494) he was reading.

 

Yuuri nuzzled in, brushing his lips into Victor’s hair and Victor released a sigh.  “What are you reading?” Yuuri asked curious.

 

“It’s a Russian poem by Bella Akhmadulina called  [ Theater ](https://www.poetryloverspage.com/yevgeny/akhmadulina/theater.html) .  I can translate for you,” he offered.

 

“Please...I love hearing your voice moving in time of the words.  Like music,” Yuuri murmured.

 

Victor ducked down with a blush but then lifted his voice, translating the words in soft segments.

 

> “Oh, this death -- not of mine -- is a credit and loss
> 
> For my life, always pushing a wall with its brow.
> 
> But aft Theater’s lamps had been lighted in halls
> 
> And extinguished -- is Tragedy entering now.
> 
> Isn’t it late to run back into the wings of the scene?
> 
> I’ll not! I’ll hide my head in the velvet slot better.
> 
> Is it truly their fault, that in doomed freaks is seen, --
> 
> “To dissolve self in general frame of the matter?”
> 
> To survive!  This play’s script is so immense and so sad.
> 
> I can’t wake up a word or a gesture already.
> 
> But he’s laughing -- our prompter, the holder of fate:
> 
> Just you say: “I remember.  I’m here and ready.”
> 
> I am saying that now I’m ready and here.
> 
> The voice, helping me, should be quite clear and truthful.
> 
> Midst all madness (a mess) of the evil and fear,
> 
> Only perishing Hamlet has mind strong and useful.
> 
> I shall hear their cries:  “Is not one truly mad,
> 
> Who had loved life, but fully forgot one’s protection?”
> 
> Let me, Theater, play all my role till the end
> 
> In this freighting pale pit’s magnificent action.”

 

Yuuri allowed the silence to settle between them before he spoke.  “Why did you choose this one?” The poem, while beautiful, reminded him of the danger some performers had of losing themselves in the narration.  Victor could easily be such an actor.

 

“Because it speaks so much of performance and how we create a story only to watch it fade away from memory.”  Victor’s voice sounded sad as he explained the poem’s meaning.

 

Yuuri pressed, feeling the younger man begin to shrink in his arms.  “Is that how you feel? That what you put out on the ice will disappear?”

 

Victor seemed to fade out, his eyes focusing on nothing.  “Sometimes I feel like I will disappear.”

 

Yuuri considered what was really worrying Victor.  Having watched his mother assume a new identity to keep them safe, then having to live a double life of torment with Mikhail, the younger man felt at a loss redefining who he was.  “You will not disappear, Vitya. When you skate you create a beautiful narrative, and that moment lives on in people who watch you.” He watched as the younger man’s face softened and the eyes came back to him.  “But you let go of that dance and create a new one. However, you, the artist, the creator, remain constant through all this. Either the story is an extension of ourselves or we step out of ourselves. I prefer the former...but I like when it brings out a part that has been hidden from the world.”

 

Victor settled into the arms once again, becoming himself, “I like Bella Akhmadulina.  She references so many classics in her poetry.”

 

“Like  _ Hamlet  _ in this one.”

 

Victor nodded with a quiet smile.  “Would you like to hear it in Russian?”

 

Yuuri saw the tinge of pink in the man’s cheeks, read the signs of want in Victor’s voice and responded, teeth tracing along Victor’s ear as he murmured, “I’d love to.”

 

Victor drew in a shaky breath and began again, the deep reverberation of his Russian tongue catching the poetic quality in the twists and turns of the words.  Yuuri may not have understood the words but he knew the song. He unconsciously skated patterns down Victor’s arm not realizing that the pauses that interrupted the poem were Victor’s breathless reaction to his touch.

 

As he finished, silence settled in but Victor felt searching lips moving onto his neck.  His lips parted in response as Yuuri’s hand tightened across his stomach, the other man’s thumb slipping beneath the fabric of the  [ lavender long sleeved tee ](https://www.claudiobasic.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/1125-Jersey-Linen-Long-Sleeve-Fitted-V-NeckTee-Shirt-Front-Light-Purple.jpg) Victor wore.  Bare feet with matching polished toenails peeked from beneath the linen trousers.  Yuuri could see those toes curl into themselves as he moved more purposefully into Victor’s space, his hand sliding beneath the fabric.

 

“Yuuri,” Victor breathed turning into the older man, surrendering to the touch his body seemed to melt into Yuuri’s.  He could feel his breathing settle into the motion of the chest behind him. Then suddenly he became aware of his surroundings.  “We can’t...on this chair.”

 

Yuuri chuckled softly.  “It’s just a starting place.  Relax, my darling Vitya.” His lips sought out Victor’s and for a while, they traded kisses back and forth.  Yuuri could feel Victor’s growing need in response to his touch. He slowly rose off the chair chuckling as Victor held onto him following him up, his kisses continuing to chase after him.  “How about we retreat to the bedroom,” Yuuri suggested.

 

Sliding hand in hand, Victor followed Yuuri to the darkened cozy space.  The quilt hung over another chair and the bedding was still disheveled from their sleep the night before.  As the door closed behind them, Yuuri felt Victor tugging at his navy blue Mizuno t-shirt. Lifting his arms, he pulled them out of the sleeves and felt Victor’s lips moving along his collarbone in hungry kisses.  Yuuri’s hands slid under the lavender shirt pulling it over Victor’s shoulder. The younger man broke free long enough for Yuuri to pull it over his head and toss it aside. He then sought Yuuri’s skin out once more sucking in a mark this time gaining a hiss in response.  Long fingers played with the waistband of Yuuri’s jeans making their way around to the button in front.

 

“I need you,” Victor demanded, sucking in Yuuri’s lower lip then dropping desperate kisses along his chin and cheek.

 

“Mmmm...me, too,” Yuuri responded leaning into those lips feeling his body on fire everywhere their skin touched.  Victor’s fingers found the front of his jeans and Yuuri heard the zipper slip, felt the fabric loosen and slide over his hips.  Victor’s hands slid over the back of Yuuri’s ass, fingers digging into the muscle. “Vitya…” Yuuri moaned.

 

Victor pulled back and gave Yuuri a determined gaze.  “On bed, scoot back. Sitting.”  _ So bossy these days.  I like it.  _ Yuuri quickly complied with the instructions, curious what Victor had in mind.  He turned to see Victor pull off his pants and underwear in one movement before turning to wink over his shoulder.  He reached for something on the dresser and then moved across the bed. Yuuri then saw what he had in hand as he released it next to him.   _ Lube.  Of course _ .  Victor’s fingers went to Yuuri’s underwear and the older man shifted up to allow them to be pulled down quickly with a determined move, tossing them to the side.  Yuuri was breathless when Victor settled into his lap, Yuuri’s legs butterflying around him. Victor wrapped his legs around Yuuri as he leaned in to kiss him.

 

“I know I want to do everything with you at some point, Yuuri...but for now, this is what I want.  To feel you against me, to find our pleasure together.” Victor then reached for the lube and squeezed it onto his hand.  He warmed it and then Yuuri’s breath caught as Victor’s fingers ran down his length.

 

Yuuri took the lube and mirrored the action.  He then felt Victor tuck his head into the curve of his neck, both focusing in the feeling the other was eliciting with their touch.  Yuuri placed a flat palm on Victor’s small back, drawing him closer and listening for the pleased sounds, letting him know the younger man was comfortable.  Soft breaths were interrupted by kisses. Then Victor opened his hand up and moved them closer together, wrapping his fingers around both of their lengths and Yuuri understood finally what he wanted.  He joined his hand above Victor’s and they began to work each other in tandem, their hands moving as one touch. Yuuri felt Victor’s lips close on his pulse, sucking as Yuuri’s breath hitched, as he began to come unfurled.

 

The younger man slowly rose his body, adding that pressure to the intensity of their hands, driving them both closer to the edge.  “Yuuri…” Victor whined with need as he released the mark he had worked into Yuuri’s skin.

 

“Come for me, my sweet Vitya,” he breathed out even as he chased his own need, meeting Victor with his own thrust.  “Come for me...and only me,” he pressed, his fingers tightening and twisting as he heard Victor’s gasp, felt the warmth of his partner’s release followed by his own.

 

They remained wrapped up on one another’s embrace for the longest of time.  Soft kisses shared with gentle touches, hands moving up and down one another’s backs.  Victor sighed against Yuuri’s neck. “I made a mess of you,” he murmured, tracing his fingers around one of the marks.

 

Yuuri laughed softly.  “You always make a mess of me.  Inside and out.” He held him all the more tightly, knowing the younger man’s need for reassurance.   _ Vitya, I want you to feel safe with me, always. _

 

“I didn’t realize how high I marked you.  That’s going to be hard to cover.” He continued to trace the mark thoughtfully.

 

“I know my way around a makeup brush,” Yuuri pointed out.

 

Victor huffed and Yuuri waited.  The younger man raised his head to settle a serious look on the brown eyes.  “What if...I didn’t want you to cover it up?”

 

Yuuri’s eyebrows shot up as he slowly realized what Victor was asking for.  “Do you want your mark of possession on display?”

 

“This is a college campus.  And you are beautiful, Yuuri.  Surely you’ve caught the eye of other students.”  Yuuri saw the pout forming, he knew this was the jealousy that Victor could feel very acutely in the presence of others.   _ One day you will feel secure enough to let that go. _

 

“Thank you...and maybe.  But...I’ve never been tempted by anyone but you,” Yuuri pressed, capturing those lips with his.  As they parted, Victor continued to rest their foreheads together, a soft smile on his lips. “Never worry about others, Vitya.  There will never be anyone else for me but you.”

 

“I only want to be yours,” Victor echoed, snuggling into his arms, pressing further into the sticky mess between them.

 

“Ours,” Yuuri corrected.  “I love you, I will protect you with all that I have...but you are always your own person.  I will never take that away from you.”

 

“Yuuuriii,” Victor cried out burying himself further in the older man.  They remained a bit longer before the demand of a shower and the whine of a dog brought them back to present.

 

* * *

  
  
  


Makkachin bounced happily into the crop of dandelions, Victor laughing as she came up with a huff, the butterflies flying away from where they had been doing their work, white floss landing around the poodle.  Yuuri stood nearby talking with Akio about the security plan on campus. Victor knew the men, was familiar with them. They were friendly but he knew when their tone meant business and after the drills in Hasetsu, now knew how to respond.  He cast a wary eye around him.  _ He could find me here.  That’s why they are so strict, it’s not safe enough. _

 

“Vitya,” Yuuri called and Victor started to realize how close he was before the younger man noticed.

 

“I’m sorry...I was just…”  He glanced at the men then back to Makkachin.  “I’m going to be okay. I just...it’s sometimes overwhelming to know that he can still get to me.”

 

“I have some of the best men in the business looking out for us,” Yuuri reminded him, pulling him into a quick embrace.

 

“I-I know...but M-mikhail doesn’t play by the rules,” Victor said with resigned sigh.

 

Yuuri leaned in and murmured against his ear, “Neither do they.”

 

Victor looked up at Yuuri then past him in surprise.   _ Oh...oh...that’s right _ .   _ These men work for Yuuri’s grandfather...for Sofu. _  “I guess...they are so clean and organized.  I sometimes forget.”  _ Nothing like Mikhail’s men.  They looked, talked...they even smelled like bad guys.  But these men, they could be dentists with how clean and professional they are. _

 

“The Japanese do business differently from the Russians.  There is always a sense of order...until there shouldn’t be.  It allows us to catch our enemy off guard. Direct the eye where we want it and then do what is needed elsewhere.”

 

“ _ Art of War _ ,” Victor murmured.

 

“Exactly.  Of course that text is Chinese and we’re Japanese and you’re racist.”  He watched Victor roll his eyes and swat him. “We will appear vulnerable, open...but there will always be several guards in the wings, watching.”  He saw the little pale face, “Vitya, you are very safe with these men. They take this very seriously.”

 

“You are forcing his move, pulling him into the open,” Victor breathed.

 

Yuuri thinned his lips.  Now that they were here he felt it was time to reveal his cards to Victor.  “I brought more men than you realize. And they aren’t all Japanese. Many are white and some are African Americans.  They will blend in better than my men can because they are Americans. They will look like students on campus. It’s been that way for some time.  Well placed game pieces set up to blend into the surroundings.”

 

Victor’s eyes narrowed in understanding.  “Deception.”

 

“Precisely.”

 

Victor looked up to meet brown eyes.  “I don’t think people realize just how dangerous you are.”

 

Yuuri grimaced at the description.  He didn’t want Victor to understand the full extent of his grandfather’s resources, or just how far he would go to keep him safe.  But there were no limits when Yuuri considered Victor’s safety. “Only when the ones I love are threatened.”

 

Then Makkachin barked, demanding their attention.  Yuuri’s expression softened, losing its intensity as he reached down to pick the toy out of the grass.  With a toss, the poodle bounded after it bringing it back to him. Seriousness faded into play and Victor felt himself relax...for the most part.  Because in the back of his mind he knew...he wasn’t completely safe.


	44. Until You’ve Fallen Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First days of classes and Victor takes in his new life with Yuuri.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A second chapter in as many days! What?!! I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> Thanks so much for all of your continuing readership. I've been so busy with end of the year activities and the big thing (prom) is off my shoulders. So time to move forward and enjoy two stories in play.
> 
> I do not have a regular posting schedule in mind. I'm writing based off which story is in my head. So we shall see how this all works out.

* * *

 

[ Until You’ve Fallen Down ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCL_vE42vBU)

 

Victor sat in his first class looking around among his contemporaries.  The other students were friendly, drawn to the blue eyes and sweet smile, and Victor soon felt himself relax.  This classroom was much different than the ones he encountered in Russia. He even spotted a gay couple holding hands.  He had blushed when Yuuri walked him to class, setting his book in the place he had claimed. The older man was reluctant to leave, but he knew he had his own class to get to.  When Victor looked around, he made eye contact with a couple of students and wondered if they were one of the  _ others  _ Yuuri had spoken of.

 

The class was contemporary literature and Victor was more than prepared having already completed the first two novels on the list.  He found himself responding to more than a couple of questions and offering his insight on the literature presented. After class, a couple of the students invited him to join them on discussion boards using social media.  Victor smiled at their offer, these students were open and genuine in their emotions. They left Victor with the information, but the silver haired Russian felt uncertain and wanted to talk to Yuuri before committing. Putting himself onto any form of social media, even a closed discussion group, could be dangerous.

 

As he stepped out of the room, he spotted Shinoba, who offered to accompany him to his next class.  Victor knew it was more than an offer. As they moved away from the crowd, he could see Azumi and Kimiko hovering nearby.

 

“The others will think it odd that I’m walked around by two different men.”  Victor smiled, accepting the guard’s company.

 

Shinoba shrugged, “Many of these people won’t know the difference.”  Spotting Victor’s confusion he pointed out that most Americans wore racial blinders.  Victor started with surprise because he saw plainly a marked difference between his boyfriend and Shinoba.  The other man laughed and said it was so bad that he’s stood in for Yuuri for a class before. More than once.

 

Victor was surprised to learn that another student in his Russian poetry class was from Russia.   _ Pavel Nikolov. _  Keeping his distance, he studied the man with curious suspicion.  Listening to him speak in class Victor could hear that his English was probably better, however, and the skater had his doubts that someone from the Volkov organization would sound so educated.  He remembered the rough men under Mikhail’s direction. After class, he murmured his concern to Shinoba anyway, who made note of the student.

 

“We’ll run a background check on him just to be safe,” the bodyguard assured.

 

And then Yuuri was by his side.  Victor rambled on about his classes and how different they were from his classroom experience in Russia.  “There was a gay couple holding hands.”

 

Yuuri laughed warmly even as he pulled Victor’s hand up hand to brush a kiss across the fingers relishing in the blush.  “You’ll probably see more than that. And you may still see some that stigmatize it...but it’s not as bad as in Russia.”

 

Victor leaned into the touch, letting his body settled against Yuuri’s shoulder as they continued to walk towards home.  “I had to leave school. They permanently suspended the boy...Ivan. I...they said I was young. They made it sound like he pressured me into it, took advantage of me.  But the other students...they were not...I had to leave school. It was better that I left.”

 

Yuuri saw the sorrow in Victor’s face, the determination in the voice was conflicted by the doubt in the countenance.  “I’m sorry you went through that, Victor. My classmates knew I was gay. I was bullied some. I was bullied for other reasons, too.  Being pudgie. Being a dreamer. I was outside the norm. But I never felt unsafe...like I couldn’t go to school.”  _ Of course, my grandfather owns the town. _

 

“I...felt unsafe,” Victor said quietly.  “And...I never learned what happened to Ivan.  Do you think they did something to him?”

 

Yuuri pursed his lips, torn between wanting to shelter Viktor but not wanting to lie.  “I don’t know, Vitya. It’s...not outside the realm of possibility.”

 

Victor frowned as he thought about the boy from a few years back.  It really wasn’t that long ago. “I hope he’s okay.” He looked up as he felt a tug and then rested in Yuuri’s embrace as the older man wrapped him up protectively.  “Thank you for not sugarcoating things. So many tell me nice things just to make me feel better.”

 

Yuuri brushed his lips into silver strands.  “I think it is important that we are honest with one another first and foremost.  We can deal with the good and the bad together.”

 

Victor nodded against the curve of Yuuri’s neck.  “There was a Russian student in my Russian poetry class...I don’t know if he’s trouble, but I told Shinoba.”

 

“He’ll run checks when we are the rink.  Let’s go have lunch. Then we’ll run to the rink for a warm up before skating.”

 

Victor drew back his face transforming into a smile.  “Yes! I need to skate!” Holding Yuuri’s hand, he practically skipped back to the apartment.

 

* * *

  
  
  


Celestino noted the adjustments they made to their programs.  As the Russian drew up, he was unsure how the Italian coach would take to Yakov’s adjustments.  The coach took it in stride. “Coach Feltsman knows you better than anyone, and he knows where he can push your performance.  I like the transitions and moving the quad lutz to the second half is a smart move. With Yuuri, I know he can handle the quads in his second half.  His stamina is unbelievable. But you require a more balanced approach.”

 

“Can I get to that?  Will I be able to move all of my quads into the second half?”  Victor’s eyes sparkled as he tallied the score in his mind.

 

The coach smiled as he studied Victor.  “We’ll see. If you can keep up with him in training, not in the short term but the long term, then definitely.  He’s a distance runner. He skates like he’s running a marathon, not a sprint. You are a sprinter.”

 

“So...long term goals,” Victor stated with a push.

 

Ciao Ciao smiled as he took in the eager demeanor of the young skater.  “A good goal. But we want to create the best program for you now. One that both pushes you and makes best use of your capabilities.”

 

“Yes, sir.  I think we’re getting there.”

 

“I do as well.  Make sure you are cross training with Yuuri and get in the studio.”

 

Victor smiled, a blush moving up his cheeks.  “We do everything together.”

 

The coach laughed warmly.  “As I suspected. Phichit is a good resource as well.  The three of you can push each other and support each other.”

 

“We will,” Victor agreed.

 

* * *

  
  


Victor was unlacing his skates when he saw the Russian from his class entering the rink with the rest of the hockey team.  He trained his eyes on the man he noticed earlier. Pulling his phone from his pocket, he pretended to be checking his messages as he took a picture.  He then grabbed his bag with his skates and ran out of the rink finding Yuuri in the lobby. Brown eyes met blue growing concerned at his flushed face.  Victor lifted his phone and showed the image to Yuuri.

 

The Japanese man frowned as he studied the face.  “I haven’t noticed him here before. And this is the man you saw in your class?”

 

Victor nodded.  “Maybe it’s silly,” he murmured.

 

“I’d rather be cautious and deal with some silliness than ignore a potential threat.  Text me the photo and I’ll get it to Akio.” He watched Victor busy himself with sending the picture.  When the Russian finally looked up, Yuuri added, “Never be afraid to tell me something...I don’t care if it’s silly or you’re not sure.  I’d rather we be safe than sorry.”

 

“Thank you, Yuuri,” Victor replied with relief.

 

* * *

  
  
  


Victor distracted himself in the kitchen with cooking and focusing on Yuuri and Makkachin.  He had dough rising when Yuuri came into the kitchen. The Japanese wrapped his arms around him from behind and murmured, “What are you working on?”

 

“Piroshkis...but I’m adjusting the filling.”

 

“I see you have pork and rice going.”  His lips brushing against the silver hair.

 

Victor shivered at the contact.  “It’s an experiment. I don’t know how well it will turn out, but I am trying to figure out how to make katsudon piroshkis.”  He turned in Yuuri’s arms with a smirk and added, “If college doesn’t work out, I can open an Asian Russian restaurant.”

 

“You could always go into the family business,” Yuuri pointed out.  “Mom has already adopted you.”

 

“She’s even been teaching me the family recipes,” Victor pointed out.  He sighed as his eyes rested on his boyfriend. “I miss cooking with her.”

 

“It would be morning there, but we could always arrange a skype call.”

 

Victor’s face lit up.  “Really?”

 

Yuuri laughed softly.  “It’s an easy fix. I just have to coordinate it with Mari.”

 

“Let me practice some more.  Maybe in a few days.”

 

Yuuri looked over at the meal in preparation with concern.  “Are we going to be eating katsudon piroshkis all week?”

 

Victor rolled his eyes and swatted him with a towel just like Hiroko would do.  That brought a smile to the Japanese man. “Of course not! But if I don’t get it right tonight, I might need a few days to figure out what I did wrong.”

 

The first attempt at katsudon piroshkis fell apart in their plates but they tasted good.  Yuuri and Phichit both argued that it wasn’t a failure even as Victor pouted.

 

* * *

  
  


The next day as they were leaving the ice, the Russian hockey player approached them.  “You’re Victor Nikiforov, aren’t you?”

 

Victor’s eyes darted from Yuuri then back to the other man not sure what he should say.  He slowly nodded. “I am.”

 

“I saw you in my lit class.  I’m Pavel. Russian poetry’s not my thing personally but my mother pushed me into taking it.”  He chuckled as he spoke.

 

Victor knitted his brow, “Y-your mother?”

 

“Da.  My stepfather is teaching the course.  They met in Russia when he was on sabbatical.”  The mannerisms and speech all spoke of ease. There were no red flags, nothing screaming danger about this boy.  “I was sixteen. Next thing I knew, I was moving to the United States. I thought I’d hate it here. Turns out it’s not so bad.”

 

“I haven’t lived here long,” Victor murmured.  “This is my boyfriend, Yuuri.”

 

The Japanese man held out his hand and the hockey player accepted it without hesitation and shook it.  “Oh, Katsuki? I’ve heard some of the other players mention you. So you’re both figure skaters?”

 

They exchanged glances then nodded.  Yuuri spoke up this time. “I know several of the players.  Odd we haven’t met.”

 

Pavel shook his head.  “Not so odd. I transferred here when my stepfather was hired.”  He turned back to Victor. “So we’re both new. My mother is the one who loves figure skating.  She’d love to meet you.”

 

Victor fought against the need to shrink back feeling Yuuri’s steady hand on his back.  “Maybe when I start getting homesick.”

 

An odd expression crossed the hockey player’s face at his hesitance but he didn’t comment on it.  “She would love it.” He turned at the sound of the whistle before glancing back. “I’ve got to go.”

 

The two figure skaters watched him with odd expressions.  As Victor turned back to Yuuri, he asked, “Did Shinoba or Akio turn anything up?”

 

“Nothing much...and he volunteered all of that.  Still, I think I need to do my own checks on him.”

 

“He seems like a bit of a child.  Do you think…” Victor left the question hanging.

 

Yuuri shrugged.  “I’d rather not leave it up to chance.  I’ll get Phichit on it, too. If he’s a college student, he’ll have social media.  Let’s see what we can dig up.”

 

Victor nodded watching the other man hesitantly.  “Let’s go home now,” he murmured.

 

Yuuri nodded, guiding Victor out with a tug of his hand as if the other man needed something to get him moving again.  He could feel the tension in the long slender back.  _ Come on, sweetheart.  _  The other men fell in around them picking up that Victor was feeling a little off.

 

As the evening progressed, Victor became more himself.  Playing with Makkachin helped as it always does. Victor laid back, head resting on Makkachin while he read.  Yuuri had a series of men’s skates on the television from the previous Worlds. The younger man would occasionally glance up before diving back into the book.

 

Yuuri sat on the couch digging through the internet.  Phichit was on the chair with his legs butterflied pouring through social media.  Victor put his book down and looked back and forth from one to the other feeling a tinge guilty they were doing all of this work for him.  He stood up and walked behind the sofa, slipping his arms around Yuuri while the older man scanned through information. “So far, his story is checking out,” Yuuri murmured.

 

“That’s good...but now I feel guilty.”  Victor saw Yuuri’s eyes quirk up at him.  “I was suspicious when there wasn’t a reason.  The boy did nothing to me but say welcoming things.”

 

Yuuri placed a hand on Victor’s arm.  “True...but you and I both know where you are coming from.  Don’t beat yourself up over it.”

 

Victor nodded, brushing a kiss into the mop of dark hair.  “I think I’m going to shower. Coming to bed soon?”

 

There was something in Victor’s tone that caught Yuuri’s attention.  He looked up at Victor and held onto the blue eyes seeing the need. “I won’t be too long, my darling,” he murmured and then lifted his chin to accept Victor’s kiss.

 

The Russian heard Yuuri and Phichit talking back and forth about what they were finding as they compared notes.  Slipping into the shower, he let the water wash over him.  _  I wish it would wash away my insecurities. _  He then began to scrub, his skin turning pink, his fingers finding scars and his eyes pricking with tears.  He didn’t know how long he’d been there when he heard the door open.

 

Yuuri said nothing as he reached in and turned off the shower.  He wrapped Victor in an oversized towel and helped him out of the shower.  Victor allowed himself to be cared for, his mind not processing his needs so clearly.  Yuuri settled him on the toilet still wrapped in the towel while he combed and blowdried the younger man’s hair, fingers directing the silver with care.

 

Once in order, he guided Victor to their room where the towel fell to the floor.  Victor didn’t bother with clothes, climbing into bed naked. Yuuri reached for the sheet pulling it over the younger man’s body.  A fuzzy blanket followed and then Victor caught a whiff of lavender as Yuuri pulled the quilt Hiroko made over him.

 

He could hear Yuuri moving about the room in the semi-darkness.  Picking up the towel and clothes. Straightening things left strewn about earlier.  The door opened with a bump of a nose and Makkachin joined Victor on the bed. The Russian wrapped himself around the poodle.

 

As Yuuri turned out the light, Victor felt the mattress shift as Yuuri crawled in behind him.  Strong arms wrapped around Victor and he found himself settled against the soft cotton of Yuuri’s pajamas.  “I didn’t dress,” Victor murmured as if it just occurred to him.

 

“You’re safe with me, clothes or not,” Yuuri whispered as he rested his cheek into the younger man’s hair.

 

“I-I know.  It just...seemed strange when I realized you had your pajamas on and I am basically naked.”  Victor was quiet a few moments as those words settled between them. “I feel naked inside. I just...need you close.”

 

“I’m here, Vitya.  I’m not going to leave you.”

 

Victor turned in his arms and snuggled into him.  “You work so hard to keep me safe. And...I do nothing.  I don’t know how to take charge of this.” Shifting onto his back, he stared up at the ceiling.  “I...like that you walk me to class. I’m okay with Shinoba, Akio, or the others as well. I just...want to be confident in doing things on my own.  I want my old self where I didn’t look at the other Russian student in class and wonder if they are going to try and take me away from you.”

 

Yuuri leaned in and brushed a kiss into the silver hair.  “I think those are two different wants.”

 

Victor frowned as he considered what he said.  “Maybe?”

 

“You want your independence back and you don’t want to be afraid.”

 

“Yes!  That’s exactly it.  My life...was small in St. Petersburg.  But it was mine. Then...Mikhail happened.  I want to turn back time to before Mikhail found me and blot my existence from his notice.  I want...to only know your love.” Victor then turned back into Yuuri burying himself into the crook of the older man’s neck.  Yuuri could feel the tears, the shaking of the body as his hand moved up and down Victor’s back. Even though the threat had basically been disproven, the possibility of its existence had become more real to the younger man and now he felt vulnerable.

 

Victor pulled back enough to seek out Yuuri’s lips.  As he released the kiss, the blue eyes blinked in the ambient light of the room.  “I don’t want sex tonight but...I want to feel more of you. Can you…” Victor tugged at Yuuri’s pajamas.  “I want to feel your skin against mine.”

 

“Of course.”  Yuuri slid out from under the sheet long enough to remove the pajamas before rejoining his lover.  Gathering him into his arms, he felt Victor smooth himself against Yuuri. Legs tangled together and arms wrapped around one another.  “I’ve got you,” the older man whispered.

 

“Stay close to me, Yuuri,” Victor replied snuggling closer.  “Never let me go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there are those worried about Hiroko...and it will be a few chapters before that comes into play. However, remember two things. I believe in happy endings. And Vitya needs his second Mama.
> 
> And for those who don't know what I'm talking about, read BluSkate's [Sense and Sensibility](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13205118/chapters/30206454), the companion story to this one.


	45. F**kin’ Perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 6 p.m.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an emotional chapter and Victor has to deal with a little of his past. Links at the end.
> 
> Thanks, BluSkates and Magrathea, for the edits and support.

* * *

 

[ F**kin’ Perfect ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocDlOD1Hw9k)

 

Yuuri had a class on Wednesday nights.  Victor watched him silently as the older man prepared to leave.  Prior to tonight, they had only been separated during classes pretty much since arriving Detroit, Yuuri was in his class with Victor in his.  And while this was basically the same thing, Victor still felt it more keenly. Perhaps it was because it was an evening class. Perhaps because he was being left alone.  As Yuuri leaned over Victor to kiss him goodbye, he murmured, “Akio is just down the hall if you need to take Makkachin out. Send him a text.”

 

“Okay.  Are you...be careful, Yuuri,” he murmured.

 

The Japanese man slid his fingers through the other man’s silver hair as he knelt down before him.  “I’m going to be fine. You’re going to be fine. It’s just a class. It just happens to be at night.”

 

_ I’m being silly.   _ Victor nodded and perhaps he would have been more settled if Phichit wasn’t out as well.  He followed Yuuri to the door, watching the man walk down the hall and disappear into the stairwell, Kimiko and Azumi on his heels.  Closing the door, Victor slipped all of the locks in place.  _ I’m being silly. _  Turning around, he surveyed the apartment.  Nothing changed, but something was different…off.  He roamed over to the couch, turning on the television to any channel to remove the silence, and that’s when he realized it was the first time he’d been alone in a place since... _ oh, Him _ .  He shivered at the thought.  Glancing at the clock, the red number warned him of the deadline approaching.  He cringed as the time marched closer to six. He rushed up to the door and checked the locks again.  Staring at the door, he shifted back and forth.  _ Six to nine.  Six to nine. Yuuri will be home at nine.  Six… _

 

Turning back to the shared living space he noticed the thousands of mistakes in front of him.  He began straightening the apartment. A jacket one of them had worn and deposited on a chair had to be folded and placed specifically in order... _ this is blue and it’s Wednesday _ …  Phichit’s shoes were knocked over at the couch, Yuuri’s books were tossed on the coffee table.  Two unused coasters sat, their stains glaring at him… His movements felt frenzied, surreptitious glances towards the door as if  _ He  _ was about to walk through.   _ Locks never stopped Him. _  Victor cleaned the kitchen including bleaching the sink.  The cleanser burning his fingers but he ignored the pain, working furiously at the sink out of fear.  He swept and then mopped the floor, knowing that there were too many mistakes in this space. Looking at the clock, he could see five minutes before the hour.  His eyes strayed back to the door. In the living room, he folded the blankets he and Yuuri cuddled in earlier, organized the pillows, straightened the magazines.  He saw the poodle that had followed him from the kitchen and his eyes shot wide.  _ Makka, I’m sorry. _  He led the dog into the bathroom carefully closing the door and checking that it was secure.  His fingers rested on the surface as he heard the whining on the other side. Blinking back tears, he hugged himself feeling the tension go through his body as the clock turned the final dial to six.  He remained frozen.  _ One minute.  Two minutes. Three. _

 

Nothing happened.

 

Victor blinked waiting for the sharp raps at the door that cut through him.

 

His arms loosened their hold on his body.  He let himself sink down onto the couch.

 

He breathed.  Consciously.  _ In.  Out. In. Out. _

 

_ I’m okay.  I’m alone. At six.  And I’m okay. _

 

He blinked once more, staring at the door before allowing his eyes to survey the room.  Then he realized what he’d done. He cleaned knowing  _ He _ would not approve of the mess.  A laugh escaped his throat. Nervous.  Uncertain. Stuttered. He felt almost manic in the moment.  He saw the red of his hands, the sores from where the bleach had burnt.  Turning around the room slowly, his eyes fell on the pillows and blankets so carefully placed on the sofa.

 

Reaching for the blankets, he moved his hand through them, slow at first, then more forceful with purpose disordering the folds, pulling at them, spreading each one out to full length and then tossing them haphazardly against the back of the couch, across the floor.  He then rested his eyes on the pillows. He knocked the neat pile, disrupting the pattern, he pulled one from the group resting it against the arm.  _ I’m not yours anymore.  You don’t order my thoughts.  No more! _  He felt himself falling backwards, deeper into himself as the room started to dim.

 

It was a quarter after six when he heard a key in the door.  His breath caught, his eyes blinking rapidly as he waited.  _ This isn’t him…he always made me open the door for him...wait on him.   _ The door opened and Phichit walked in, locking it behind him.  The Thai man called out happily as he moved into the apartment’s space.  “Hey, Victor...you okay? You had all of the locks...locked.” He stopped as his eyes took in the other man, wide blue eyes bulged out from behind the pillow hugged close to his chest.  “Oh, Victor!” He went immediately to the younger man and gathered him to his chest.

 

Victor cried.  Shaking in a man’s arms other than Yuuri’s.   _ Is that okay?  To fall apart for another man?   _ When he finally pulled back and settled, he whispered, “ _ He _ always came at six.  When I was alone. I...haven’t been alone like that since... _ Him _ .  Phichit, what am I going to do?  I can’t keep this up, but Yuuri has a life beyond me.  I can’t...shut him down.”

 

Phichit petted him, soothed him.  “It will be okay. You just haven’t dealt with this fear yet.  This was a first for you, and you did a good job holding it together.”  He saw the incredulous look on the younger man’s pale face, “No seriously.  You were breathing, holding it together, waited for me to come back so you could feel safe and then told me about it.”  The Thai man dropped their foreheads together as he considered their best options. “For now, I just need to make sure I’m home before Yuuri leaves for class on Wednesdays.”

 

Victor took in a steadying breath.  “I...didn’t know it would be a problem.”

 

Phichit ran a hand down his back, “How could you, honey?”  Phichit’s protective side tightened his hold on Victor and the younger man felt the unfailing strength of the Thai skater next to him.

 

“I don’t want to cause trouble.”  Victor’s voice was small, but spoke of need.

 

“You are no trouble, Victor,” Phichit reassured him quickly.  “We’ll talk to Yuuri about it when he comes home. I ran late on practice because I didn’t know.  Now I know. I’ll make sure I’m home. Okay?” Phichit kept his voice light, hoping Victor would understand the ease of the situation and not feel guilty.

 

Victor tugged at the front of his shirt, embarrassed and unsure.  “I...don’t want to be alone right now.”

 

Phichit smiled reassuringly.  “Why don’t we watch a movie? You, me, and Makkachin.”

 

Victor’s eyes widened as his eyes strayed to the hallway.  “Makka’s in the bathroom.” Victor’s voice was distant, like he was fading.

 

Phichit cast a confused look but then heard the telltale scratching from the door.  He rose to release the dog and watched as the faithful pet moved to comfort Victor. The pale hand ran through the curls on the head of the poodle, fresh tears surfacing.  “I’m sorry, Makka,” he cried softly over and over as he pulled the poodle to his chest.

 

* * *

  
  


Three hours later, Yuuri came home to find Phichit on the sofa watching  _ King and Skater 3 _ .  Victor was asleep, head in Phichit’s lap.  Talking softly, Phichit relayed what he walked in on.  “It’s like he was reliving it.”

 

Yuuri frowned looking at the little face sleeping fitfully.  “He has an appointment Friday with Dr. Bishop. I should have set it sooner.  It sounds like he dissociated.”

 

“I didn’t know...six o’clock.”  Phichit caught the brown eyes in an apology.  “All I had to do was leave a little sooner.”

 

Yuuri knelt down in front of them, brushing a stray hair from Victor’s face.  He smiled thankfully up at his friend, “Like you said. You didn’t know. I didn’t think about it because he’d been doing so well.”

 

“Okay, well...I’m not leaving him alone like that, Yuuri.  It was scarier than the first time I saw you have an anxiety attack.”  The dark eyes widened with meaning.

 

Yuuri pursed his lips, “Oh, Phichit.  I’m sorry. We should have been talking about this.  Why don’t I call Dr. Bishop and see if we can have a group session so that we can properly care for him before he goes into a personal session?”

 

Phichit furrowed his brow.  “Can we do that?” It felt like a violation of privacy.

 

“Ask?  Always.  The worst she can say is no.  But she’s dealt with my anxiety.  As long as Victor is okay with it, she shouldn’t have an issue with it.”  Running his fingers down the side of Victor’s face, he added, “We need to be proactive, not reactive.”

 

Phichit looked down at Victor as the younger man shifted slightly in his sleep.  “I didn’t know what else to do.”

 

“You did fine.  Thank you, Phichit, for being here for him.”  Yuuri gently pulled Victor up, the younger man opening sleepy eyes.  “Hello, Vitya. Do you want to come to bed?”

 

He glanced over at Phichit then nodded sleepily.  Yuuri knew first hand how a panic attack could tire you out.  “Phichit...thank you for taking care of me.”

 

“Anytime, Victor,” he answered softly, dark eyes following the two men as Yuuri escorted Victor down the hall.

 

* * *

  
  


In the privacy of their room, Victor sat listless on the bed while Yuuri tended to him.  He watched as Yuuri pulled his shirt off of him. He lifted his arms to accept the softer sleep tee.  He allowed Yuuri to guide him to stand, sliding his jeans down his body. Stepping out of them, he stood waiting.  Somewhere deep within him, Victor was calling out to wake himself, but that voice was dampened by the exhaustion from panic.  Processing seemed so slow but Yuuri patiently guided him to do what was needed, his feet stepping into the shorts.  _ Soft.  Cotton _ .

 

Yuuri gathered the laundry and placed them in the hamper.  Returning to Victor, he slipped his arms around him and leaned their foreheads together.  “You are safe, Vitya.”

 

“I know.  Phichit took care of me.”  The voice sounded so distant to his ears.  “I...need help.”

 

Yuuri studied his blue eyes, hoping for a spark of recognition.  “I know, Vitya. I have an appointment for you with Dr. Bishop on Friday.”

 

“What’s happening?”  Victor blinked trying to understand the distance between his body and his mind.

 

“You were triggered into a dissociative state.  I didn’t think about the time, Vitya. I’m sorry.”  

 

_ Yuuri’s sad...I don’t know...how do I help him?   _ Victor could hear the distress in Yuuri’s voice, the guilt.  He couldn’t figure out how to react to it. “Phichit took care of me,” he repeated.

 

Yuuri nodded.  “Yes, he did.”

 

Victor couldn’t keep up with the conversation, as limited as it was, “Can I sleep now, Yuuri?”

 

The older man hugged him close nodding.  Tucking him in bed, the Japanese man smoothed out the silver hair.  “I love you, Vitya.”

 

“I know,” he whispered.  He felt so distant. So far away.  Darkness settled on him as he blinked his eyes shut.  The thought hit him half an hour later.  _ I should have told him that I loved him back. _  “Yuuri?”

 

“Yes, Vitya?”

 

“I love you, too.”  He felt strong arms tighten around him.   _ Oh, he’s holding me.  I...didn’t know.  _ He settled into the uncomfortable place just short of awareness.  Eyes fluttered closed again. Sleep.

 

* * *

  
  


Morning came and Victor woke before Yuuri but his movements were slow.  As consciousness slowly surfaced, he realized he needed to pee. In the next moment, he processed that Yuuri was holding him.  Tight. “Yuuri?” he squeeked.

 

“Hmmm?” came the sleepy reply.

 

“I...need to go?”

 

Yuuri’s eyes blinked open slowly, his eyebrows furrowing in sleepy lack of understanding.

 

“I’ve got to pee, Yuuri,” he whined.

 

The Japanese man’s eyes widened and he let Victor go.  “Oh, sorry,” he apologized releasing Victor from his hold.  Victor shuffled out of his hold and rushed to the bathroom.

 

When he returned, Yuuri was sitting up in bed rubbing his eyes.  Victor snagged the older man’s glasses off the dresser and brought them to him, plopping on his knees before him.  “I...was pretty messed up last night, wasn’t I?”

 

Yuuri studied his lover with worried eyes.  “I didn’t know...I didn’t think…”

 

Victor was quick to interrupt the unwarranted apology, “I’m not looking to blame you, Yuuri.  I’m just trying to understand. You had class.”

 

Yuuri let that settle for a moment, then shifted himself to sit up in the bed.  “What do you remember?”

 

“Everything, but filtered,” Victor answered.  “It’s...like watching a movie playback with you in it but not feeling any tug of familiarity.  After you left, I locked the door and noticed the time. Then...it was like I was back in my apartment in St. Petersburg.  I was trying to get the apartment clean enough so that Mash...Mikhail wouldn’t hurt me.”

 

Yuuri studied the hands that had improved a great deal since last night.  “Did...he always come at six?”

 

Victor nodded.  “He had weird rituals.  Six, he came to pick me up and I was expected to be ready.  There was a color assigned to each day of the week. I had to dress accordingly.  I...was expected to be perfect. Nothing could be out of place. There had to be order.”

 

Yuuri pushed a little, hoping to get the man to open up further.  “Phichit said...Makkachin was locked in the bathroom.”

 

Victor’s eyes widened.  “Oh, god!” He cast his eyes about looking for the poodle then spotted her asleep on her pillow.  “H-he made me put her away. Sh-she didn’t like him. I should have paid attention but by the time I realized...it was too late.”  Victor climbed across the bed and slid onto the floor next to the poodle hugging her to his heart. The dog easily forgave her owner, snuggling into the embrace as Victor cried softly in her fur repeating “I’m sorry” over and over.  It was a moment before he realized Yuuri had followed him and now sat next to him, his hand running over Victor’s back. Looking up through his lashes he whispered, “I let him get into my head once again.”

 

Yuuri rubbed circles into the small back, “We knew it could happen.  Flashbacks. Nightmares. Fear. It was a matter of time. Now we deal with it.”

 

Victor curled into his arms, one hand still on Makkachin.  Finally straightening up, he sighed. “I need to get through today.  Then tomorrow. At least until my appointment.”

 

Yuuri nodded, his fingers gently touching Victor’s cheek lifting his chin.  “We’ll get through it together, okay?”   
  
Victor nodded.  His eyes straying to the door, he asked, “Is Phichit okay?  I think I scared him.”

 

“He  _ was  _ scared,” Yuuri answered honestly.  “I suggested...if you are okay with it...that he might come with us and talk to Dr. Bishop about how to best support you.  He did the same when he became my roommate after the first time he dealt with one of my panic attacks.”

 

Victor nodded, his expression moving into that artificially serene state Yuuri hated.  “I’m okay with it. He should know. I just wish he didn’t have to.”

 

Yuuri tried to pull the man back to him, “I felt the same way with my anxiety.  But...it just is. If we care about someone, we take on their struggles.”

 

* * *

  
  


 

Victor stood with Yuuri and Phichit before the clinic.  “This is where the reporters attacked you, isn’t it?” he asked quietly remembering the reports, the pictures, the video before they were taken down.

 

Yuuri nodded as he recalled the event.  “The police officers intervened and took care of me getting me the help I needed.  They called Dr. Bishop and she escorted me to the hospital. She’s a good doctor. She put me at ease and she knows Sasaki-sensei and Hashimoto-sensei.”

 

“It’s just...I am constantly pulling the bandaid off of the wound.  I just want to leave it covered and let it heal.”

 

Yuuri sighed, his expression solemn.  “But it’s not healing.”

 

Victor nodded.  He knew Yuuri was right.  Glancing over at Phichit, the Thai man took his hand and squeezed it.  “I can do this. Even if I don’t like it.”

 

The two friends held onto Victor as he walked into the building.  He knew he needed help. He also knew that these steps were hard. Entering her office, he was greeted by a warm receptionist and then was led into her office.  He leaned over to Yuuri and murmured, “At least I didn’t have to wait a long time.”

 

“I try to schedule appointments that way.  Less time to get nervous,” greeted the woman leaning against the door with a warm friendly smile.

 

Victor smiled nervously towards the woman before him.  “Hello, I’m Victor.”

 

“I’m Cara.  Well, Dr. Bishop if you want to be formal.”

 

“I...like Cara.”  He felt himself liking her easy manner instantly.  She was nothing like Hiroko but somehow reminded him of her.

 

“I’ve already gone over your files and have an idea of your case.  Let’s talk about what’s been going on with you, then.”

 

Victor nodded, telling her about his week, the concerns he’s facing, the reaction to being alone in the apartment and all of the little worries that had built up in the back of his mind.  Yuuri and Phichit held his hands the whole time while he tumbled out his week. She let him talk, only interrupting for small clarifications. He finished taking a deep breath before glancing to the two men supporting him.

 

“You seem to have a good support system with you.   Let’s talk about how we can all support you and meet your needs.”  The next half hour, she educated the three men about how to address the youngest one’s needs.  She assured Phichit he handled the situation well and talked about both prevention as well as how to handle the situations should they occur.  She also talked about when to call her and made sure Phichit and Victor had her number. Then, she sent the two friends away so she could focus on her patient.

 

“It’s a lot, isn’t it?” he asked, his voice small as he pulled his knees to his chest.

 

“It  _ is  _ a lot, but we are going to break it down and make it manageable,” she reassured him.  “I want to resume your therapy to address these recently uncovered triggers and to help you to move towards greater independence.”

 

“I’d like that...but it’s still a very real fear.”  Victor caught the confused look and weighted the responsibility of pulling this woman into his life.  “Mikhail...he could still hurt me. He’s shown up at my events. He’s got means to travel.”

 

“I understand that, and I definitely don’t discount your fears.  Complex Post-traumatic Stress Disorder or  [ C-PTSD ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complex_post-traumatic_stress_disorder) is a diagnosis often given when there is  [ continuing trauma ](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/media-spotlight/201305/when-the-trauma-doesnt-end) .  You are taking precautions and from what you’ve shared, it sounds like you have greater resources at your disposal than the average individual.  Although you are currently in a safe place, the possibility of being recaptured will cause you to be retriggered. The bodyguards, though necessary, are a constant reminder of that danger.”

 

Victor nodded.  “I’m thankful for my Yuuri and his family.  They’ve all committed to helping me and protecting me.  It’s been...an adjustment. Living with bodyguards. But...they are good men and women.  I just...I want it to be over.”

 

Cara leaned forward focusing on the first detail, “Do you trust your guards?”

 

Victor nodded vehemently.  “I do trust them. They have worked with me so that I know how to respond when there is a threat and they’ve intervened more than once to protect me.”

 

“Then we are going to work on helping you to relax in their care, letting them do their job.  I know you are not going to let go of this fear overnight. And I’m not saying that you should.  However, I do want you to have an increased quality of life. That’s what we are going to work towards.  Do you feel ready?”

 

“More than ready,” Victor agreed eagerly.  “I love my Yuuri and I want us to have a happy life together.  I’m open to receiving help.”

 

“Then let us begin.  You are familiar with EMDR.  We are going to build off the foundation already laid.  Now, let’s start with the time.” She set the clock at 5:45.  “Our goal is to desensitize you to this time trigger. What are the negative thoughts present?”

 

Victor swallowed.  “I need to make sure I’m perfect.  The house has to be perfect. I can’t have anything out of order.  He’s going to hurt me.”

 

Cara nodded, making little notes to herself, “Now, positive thoughts.”

 

Victor closed his eyes and focused his thoughts.  “I am safe. I am with Yuuri. I don’t...have to be perfect.”

 

 

* * *

 

NOTES:

 

For those who are reading my work for the first time, I want to reiterate that I’m not a clinical psychologist.  However, when speaking to people through social media, more than once was I told about EMDR with relation to PTSD recovery.  Because of the prevalent positive reports given by these people, I do reference it when my characters are going through a recovery process.  Below are some of the resources I referenced but I encourage you to look further into the topic. I’ve read through a number of scripts on the technique but I’m by no means an export.  So any inaccuracies portrayed, I beg your indulgence. That doesn’t negate the value of the therapy. Thank you for reading.

 

[ PTSD ](https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/index.shtml)

 

[ How to help a loved one with PTSD ](https://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/helping-someone-with-ptsd.htm)

 

[ What is EMDR? ](http://www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr/)

 

[ Intake Worksheet for EMDR therapy ](https://www.emdrconsulting.com/content/netuploads/T-WORKSHEETS.pdf)

 

[ Dissociation Information ](https://depts.washington.edu/hcsats/PDF/TF-%20CBT/pages/7%20Trauma%20Focused%20CBT/Dissociation-Information.pdf)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a bit of an emotional roller coaster week with my writing...bear with me and remember, I love happy endings.


	46. Young Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor is having a disconnected day...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, BluSkates and Magrathea! Your edit selections are brilliant as usual!
> 
> And I'll hold off posting anything else until Blu gets another chapter ready. Enjoy!

* * *

 

[ Young Love ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jPba9WJCzE)

 

They settled into the weekend with Yuuri and Phichit working on computer homework while Victor isolated himself to write a paper, which he easily knocked out Friday evening.  The rest of his homework involved reading to prepare for the rest of the week. Reading ahead was no challenge to the young man who had spent most of his life retreating into books as comfort.  Thus, after Saturday morning practice, Victor found himself wondering from space to space reading, soon finished and unable to occupy himself. But there was another behavior that caught Yuuri’s attention.

 

Victor would wander to the window, pausing and watching.  The large blue eyes scanned the ground, searching, straining and then giving up, only to start the process again a few moments later.  Yuuri frowned with concerned and Phichit followed his gaze. Glancing back at Yuuri, he mouthed, “What’s wrong?”

 

Yuuri pointed to the screen in front of him and pulled up a chat screen on his computer, tapping back an answer.

 

**YK/ He did this a lot when he was afraid.  He can sort of shrink into himself, for safety.**

 

Phichit followed the hint easily and replied with a quick rattle of his keys.

 

**PC/ Is this part of what he was like before?  This dissociation?**

 

Yuuri met his eyes nodding and turned back to the keys.

 

**YK/ Sometimes it takes a few days to settle out.  Like my anxiety.**

 

**PC/ What do we do?**

 

Yuuri watched as the little body moved away from the window, toying with the paperback in his hand.  The page hadn’t turned in the half hour that Victor had been reading it.

 

**YK/ Wait and watch.  Keep reassuring him and helping him to find focus.  Make sure he’s safe and that he’s aware of his safety.**

 

They watched as Makkachin came up to him and pulled his attention by rubbing her head under his hand and nosing into the touch.  Phichit’s eyes widened and glanced to Yuuri.

 

**PC/ Did Makka just do that on purpose?**

 

**YK/ This isn’t just from the trauma he experienced.  Yakov got Makka to help him not to check out so much.**

 

**PC/ Oh.  Wow. Ashley would love this.**

 

**YK/ We should talk to Ashley.  Maybe Ashley can do further work with Makkachin to help Victor.**

 

**PC/ I agree.  I think it would help Victor.**

 

* * *

  
  


That afternoon Yuuri offered to take Makkachin out for Victor.  The younger man looked up with a smile before disappearing into his book once more.  Yuuri met Ashley in the hall and they walked down to the dog park.

 

“So what’s the deal, Yuu?”  She had a way of cutting through the bullshit and getting to the heart of the matter.

 

Yuuri smiled, “Phichit suggested you might be able to do further work with Makkachin.  Perhaps get her certified?”

 

Ashley studied the older poodle, “Maybe I can.  Tell me more.”

 

Yuuri considered his words, not wanting to overwhelm Ashley but still provide her with the information she’ll need.  “Victor dissociates and Makkachin helps pull him back to reality. I know you’ve talked to me about an anxiety support animal.  Something like that.”

 

She frowned as she thought about it.  “Is Victor okay with it?”

 

Yuuri felt a little guilty about leaving Victor out of this conversation, “I wanted to make sure you’d do it before I brought it up.  It’s just...sometimes when he checks out, Makkachin brings him back to reality. I thought...maybe you could make it where Makkachin can travel more freely with him.”

 

“So if he has a bad day, Makkachin can work with him.”  Ashley watched the dog examine his surroundings. The poodle was older, but obviously calm, thoughtful, and observant.

 

“Exactly.”

 

“I can work with her.  She’s a smart animal and responds well to commands.” She turned to Yuuri and leveled a gaze at him, “I’d need to work with both of them.”

 

Yuuri nodded, “I think it would give Victor something else to work on.  Something positive. He’s been through a lot.”

 

Ashley pursed her lips, knowing that she would really need to know more if this were to work.  “Phichit said his ex beat the shit out of him.”

 

Yuuri dropped his gaze, focusing on Makka as the older dog approached them.  “It’s...more than that, but his ex is definitely a piece of work.”

 

Ashley nodded slowly, “Let me know what he decides.  If it’s a yes, maybe we can work together on Wednesday evenings since you have class.”

 

Yuuri looked at her like she just gave him the world.  “Ashley, you’re a lifesaver! He is struggling with my class night.”

 

She smiled at him.  “Yeah, Phichit told me.  He wanted me to be a backup plan if he ran late since Victor responds well to me.”

 

Yuuri shook his head with a smile.   _ Of course Phichit thought of these things.  _  He felt some relief settle on his own shoulders.  “Thank you, Ash.”

 

She rolled her eyes and shrugged.  “You know I keep an eye on you boys.”

 

* * *

  
  


There was something about this room that settled Victor even when the other rooms had him restless.  Victor felt safe, surrounded by bunnies, quilts, and afghans all made with love. The space was small and cozy, the lighting low and protective.  There was a warmth in every corner, thanks to a soft glow from the  [ nightlight ](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQlcM2OLY4Rsv8wDgstyK7kcG9O_l9MNJ9OdlAZLTGBzzN4K1YtrQ) Yuuri put into the room to chase away the darkest of shadows.  When he used the room for reading, Victor lit a few candles to increase the warmth and add a scent to the air that relaxed him.  Reaching for the crocheted  [ coverlet ](https://pixabay.com/en/crocheted-afghan-yarn-crochet-1426003/) Hiroko had helped him finish off, he curled up in the pillows pulling out the  [ book ](https://www.gutenberg.org/files/45/45-h/45-h.htm) he had tucked underneath.  He had another  [ blanket ](http://www.1001crochet.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/crochet-afghan-10.jpg) started, the balls of yarn tucked in a basket next to the gray chair in their study.  But he lacked the focus to work on it that weekend. He quickly lost himself into the pages.

 

He had just reached the second chapter, smiling as he read the familiar words, Matthew realizing there was some sort of mistake, he wasn’t expecting a girl, when the door to the bedroom opened and brown eyes peered into the space.  Blue eyes flicked up from the pages to meet them. Victor reached for the  [ bookmark ](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/c3/41/a1/c341a1a58e787fc925cae1c41e4cacc9--crochet-gifts-easy-crochet.jpg) , because only heathens dogeared their pages, and closed the book.  Smiling up at Yuuri, he invited him into the space by moving over on their bed.

 

Yuuri took in the silver reading glasses settled on Victor’s nose, the afghan covering his long athletic legs crooked underneath, the book lying in the lap, its fabric cover frayed around the edges from multiple readings.  “I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He slid onto the bed, sitting next to where Victor lay.

 

Victor toyed with the edge of the bookmark dangling from the favored novel.  “You’ve been watching over me since Wednesday. I’m...better. I still feel a little...unsettled.”  His eyes wandered the room, picking up on little accents that helped to steady him. “But this room...it’s a sanctuary.  I feel safest here.”

 

Yuuri also let his eyes rove around the surroundings, the good things of their pasts intermingling into a comfortable space.  “I know Phichit and I are working through a big project...but you can interrupt. I hope you know that.”

 

Victor smiled softly.  “I know. I’m used to entertaining myself.  But maybe later...we could take Makkachin for a walk?” he suggested drawing his shoulders in.

 

Yuuri smiled and nodded.  “I could use a break. Maybe around five...before dinner.  Phichit volunteered to cook.  [ Chicken curry ](https://www.thespruce.com/classic-curry-chicken-with-potatoes-3217486) .”

 

Victor’s smile widened, his blue eyes crinkling in the corners.  “That sounds wonderful. I’ll just read until then if that’s okay.”

 

Yuuri nodded rising from the bed, and smoothing over the afghan over Victor’s legs.  “More than okay.” He hesitated, his hand on the door before turning cinnamon eyes back towards the man on the bed.  “I love you.”

 

He watched the blush transform the delicate features of his boyfriend as his chin dipped bashfully.  “I...love you, too, my Yuuri.” The words were warm and soft, hesitant due to shyness, and Yuuri couldn’t help the answering smile before he slipped out the door.

 

* * *

  
  


The evening sun warmed the sky with pinks and oranges fading into violets and deep blues.  Yuuri’s fingers tangled into Victor’s, Makkachin exploring at the end of the lead, happy to be out, eager to take advantage of the walk.  The bodyguards, an ever-present fact of life and one Victor needed to feel safe at the moment, fanned the surroundings and watched for any sign of danger.  The small group had followed the couple as they hiked up the trail near campus, enjoying the fresh smell coming from the deep summer wildflowers and the primitive nature of the trail.

 

Yuuri kept his pace but pulled Victor closer as he opened the topic brought up earlier with Ashley.  “Vitya, I was talking to Ashley earlier. Did you know she trains service dogs?”

 

Victor looked up surprised and then shook his head.  “That sounds like a great job.”

 

“It is.  She’s talked to me several times about anxiety support dogs.”  Yuuri measured his tone, hoping to keep it light. “It’s just...Makkachin does a lot of things for you like a mental health service dogs.”

 

“She does.  She keeps me from getting locked up in my head,” Victor agreed.  Yuuri could hear the deeper breathing in his partner’s speech from the exertion of the climb.

 

Yuuri slowed down, allowing Victor to continue at his pace.  “I just thought that it might be a good thing if she were certified.”

 

Victor glanced his way with an odd expression.  “Is that hard? She’s not a puppy.”

 

Yuuri faced Victor, “No, she’s not.  But it’s not like you are starting from scratch.  She’s a well behaved, well trained dog. Ashley thinks she it’s possible, but she’d need to work with both of you.”

 

Victor frowned as he thought about their schedule.  “When could we do that?”

 

“She suggested Wednesdays when I’m in class,” Yuuri put forth.

 

Victor considered Yuuri’s words before he asked, “This isn’t some convoluted plan to find me a babysitter is it?”

 

Yuuri’s eyes widened.  “No, of course not! Actually, she suggested it.  She knew I had class and figured you had it free.”   _ Okay, not completely the truth but close enough.  Her information came from Phichit anyway.  _  He waited for Victor to process it.

 

Finally, Victor shrugged.  “Why not? If it means I can take my Makkachin with me, I think I’d like that.”  They continued the climb, falling into silence.

 

As they reached the peak, Yuuri placed a hand on Victor’s back while they took in the view.  The old college neighborhood lay before them in rolling hills with trees breaking up the space, the city of Detroit lying beyond.  Yuuri pointed out the Detroit Skate Club, various university landmarks and a few other features as they surveyed their surroundings.  Arms slipped around the younger man from behind and Victor felt a kiss pressed into his shoulder.  _  I love you. _  The thought settled between them like a current passing back and forth between one another.

 

Victor turned in Yuuri’s arms, dipping his forehead against the older man’s.  Fingers danced down Yuuri’s side and with a slight tilt of his chin, their lips met.  The kiss was slow, softly opening to one another as Yuuri’s arms tightened around the younger man, Victor’s hands sliding up Yuuri’s chest and wrapping around his shoulders and neck, fingers tangling and settling into his dark hair.  Victor seemed to melt into him, his weight shifting onto one leg, as the other foot lifted behind him.

 

The kiss didn’t break until Akio cleared his throat nearby.  The couple parted only slightly, remaining in each other’s arms laughing at being caught.  Stepping apart, Yuuri saw the sun starting to dip down below the horizon and knew Akio’s concern.  “I guess we should head back down the hill,” he said, his voice rough. He cast an appreciative smile to the bodyguard.  They made the steady descent, Makkachin ranging out before them. Halfway down the hill, the poodle stilled, a low growl setting the men on alert, two of them drawing close to their principals, the others moving further out to see what had the dog on edge.  A snap of a branch in the woods and then heavy footfalls of a runner caught their attention sending the guards into action. Two members of the team broke away in pursuit. Akio and the rest hurried the couple down the hill. They settled into a steady jog, two men in front, two behind.  Yuuri picked up on the small, quick bits Akio said to his men over their communications and he attached himself to Victor.

 

At the apartment, Victor sat on the bathroom floor brushing and wiping down Makkachin’s fur and checking her paws, making sure she was clean and free of anything that would cause her pain.  Focusing on his dog kept his mind occupied, distracting him from the run down the hill.

 

Yuuri conferred with Akio while they waited for the team to report in.  Phichit called them in to eat, the man’s tone told them there would be no negotiation.  “You’ve got to eat no matter what the report reveals,” he pointed out to the two of them.  Setting an extra plate out for Akio, the guard tried to back out but Phichit leveled a stare at him.  “Eat. There’s plenty.”

 

So they ate.  And waited. Finally, the other two returned.  They trailed the mark into the side streets west of campus before losing him in a crowd.  The description was shared with all, a white male, just shy of two meters, gaunt, mid to late twenties, dark unkempt hair, unshaven.

 

“Do you think he was after me?” Victor asked, his voice pitching with fear.

 

Shinoba and Kimiko exchanged glances before the female bodyguard answered.  “It could be that we startled him from some other activity and when we gave chase, he ran.  But...it could be that he was tailing you as well.”

 

Victor’s lips thinned, his expression grim.  “Thank you,” he said hollowly. Yuuri’s eyes studied the younger man, worry in the line of his mouth.

 

“We’ll be with you wherever you go, Victor,” the bodyguard reassured him.

 

Yuuri turned to Kimiko and added, “I want four on Victor when we leave.  Just to be safe.”

 

They exchanged glances with Akio but the head guard nodded in assent.  “We can do that but you also have the others in plain clothes. It might be good to bring some of them on detail.”

 

Yuuri pursed his lips.  “Get Kameron and Tyler.”

 

Akio made note.  “I need to call a meeting and brief them on the mark anyway.”

 

Victor watched the interchange with interest before asking, “Just how many  _ extras  _ are there?”

 

Yuuri and Akio exchanged glances each running a count in their head before the security chief answered, “Eight more scattered about on campus with four more on standby.”

 

Yuuri saw Victor’s look and quickly moved to explain, “Grandfather pays their tuition as well as giving them a salary.  They are majoring in similar fields as us. These students are well trained and many are ex-military.”

 

“So...not necessarily involved in Sofu’s business?”  Blue eyes went from one to the other.

 

Yuuri shook his head slowly.  “No, not really. They have assigned positions given our schedule by Akio and they are required to take one to two courses the same as me or you.  You’ve probably talked to one or two of them.”

 

“Could I...meet them?”  Victor chewed his cuticle as he looked from one man to the other.

 

Yuuri met Akio’s eyes and the security chief shrugged.  “Would you like to come to the briefing?” the security chief suggested.

 

“Is that okay?” Victor asked, his eyes meeting Yuuri’s.

 

The Japanese man nodded slowly.  He’d been trying to shield him as much as possible but perhaps Victor would feel more at ease with a greater awareness of the men involved.  “We can do this. Sure. And then you’ll know who else you can turn to in an emergency.”

 

Phichit rolled his eyes.  He turned to Victor putting a comforting hand on the slender shoulder, “I told Yuuri from the start I’d want to know.”

 

Yuuri’s expression reflected his remorse.  “I guess...I’m so used to downplaying their presence that I just...I’m sorry, Vitya.  Yes, we’ll both go to the meeting.”

 

Victor looked satisfied with the outcome.  “Good. It’s my safety, after all.”

 

And Yuuri knew he was right.  He should be involved in the decisions.  And, Yuuri realized, it was good that he wanted to be involved.  It was a sign that Victor was taking back ownership of his life.

 

After the guards left, Yuuri noticed Victor seemed a little more settled.   _ I should have involved him sooner rather than making decisions for him. _  He frowned, feeling the guilt set in.  His computer now in his lap, he tried to focus on the program, the debugging process proving slow and monotonous.

 

Victor found a place next to Yuuri and Makkachin soon followed.  Yuuri watched Victor toy with his phone and glanced over from time to time to brush a kiss in the younger man’s hair.  Victor played a game, read a book, scrolled through social media, watched a videos. However, in all of that, he stayed close to Yuuri until the older man sighed, pressing a kiss onto Victor’s temple and closing his laptop.  “Let’s go to bed.”

 

Victor looked up sleepily and agreed, both of them waving good night to Phichit still in his chair digging through code.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


NOTE:  If you are in one of the few parts of the world that cannot access Project Gutenberg files, the book he is reading is  _ Anne of Green Gables _ .  Victor retreats to the classics when he’s feeling unsettled, familiar stories and spaces bring him comfort.


	47. What a Wonderful World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor meets the team that protects him...in other words, Sunday in Detroit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your GY post for the week. Hope you enjoy it!

* * *

 

[ What a Wonderful World ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XBIYD3h1olY)

 

The next morning, Yuuri woke up and stretched out across the bed, finding Victor gone.  He didn’t have far to look. Victor sat in the study, wrapped up in a quilt, a bunny tucked in next to him while he read.  Yuuri took in the scene, worried about Victor’s state of mind. “Couldn’t sleep?”

 

Victor turned and smiled sunnily.  “Good morning, Yuu-tan. I slept fine.  I just couldn’t sleep anymore and didn’t want to disturb you.”

 

“Do you want to work out this morning before we disappear into our studies?”  Yuuri leaned forward to brush a kiss over Victor’s smile before sliding his hand down the younger man’s leg and ankle.

 

“Maybe some time on the ice,” the younger man murmured.  “Nothing too strenuous as technically it’s an off day.”

 

“I’ll send a message to Akio then put on some breakfast,” Yuuri offered as he released the ankle and stood up.  Yuuri began texting back and forth with Akio as he prepared their breakfast hearing Victor move around down the hall.

 

**Yuuri/ We’re going to the rink this morning but then we will be mostly in for the afternoon and evening.  Homework.**

 

**Akio/ I want the full guard to accompany you.**

 

**Yuuri/ I was hoping it was just some bum we scared up.**

 

**Akio/ And I’m not saying it wasn’t.  But I’d rather play it safe. He may not be able to come to Detroit during the takeover, but that doesn’t prevent him from sending others.  And we don’t know how many were here prior to the shake up or where those loyalties lie.**

 

Yuuri frowned at the truth of those words.

 

**Yuuri/ Okay...be ready in an hour.  Can we jog or do you think we need to take a car?**

 

**Akio/ If you want to jog, we jog.  If the President of the United States can jog with his men, you can jog with yours.**

 

After breakfast, they jogged to the rink at a steady pace, eight bodyguards surrounding them and keeping in pace.  Yuuri was thankful they trained regularly. He knew they took turns in the weight room at the rink gym. There was also a fitness room in their apartment complex.  What Yuuri didn’t miss were the faces of the plants along the route. People sent out before they had even left the building to secure the path. He was grateful that Akio took this seriously but he couldn’t help noticing the marked difference.

 

On the ice, Victor skated up to him and tangled their fingers together.  “You’re going to be busy all afternoon with homework. I’m claiming this time with you now.”

 

Yuuri chuckled but accepted the touch with ease.  Always with Victor. They skated lazy circles then settled in next to each other.  Yuuri insisted practicing transitional pieces in each of their programs, marking jumps and spins.  Victor pouted slightly, but Yuuri was ready to justify the need. As soon as he was satisfied, they ran test elements in patterns, step sequences they hadn’t done since they were children.  But the moves were easy and allowed them to connect.

 

Yuuri slid into Victor’s hold easily as the younger man moved into simple left outside edge of the Dutch Waltz.  Yuuri followed on his side, partner’s position. Viktor naturally lead the older man with ease.

 

“I think we might have a future in ice dance.”  Yuuri smiled.

 

“Longer careers, less damage on the knees.”  Victor smirked, “They’ll have to change some rules.”

 

“We can convince them.”  Yuuri swung forward, pulling to a stop they remained in each other’s arms.  Just spending time in the quiet of the morning.

 

* * *

  
  


The jog back to the apartment proved uneventful.  Akio informed them once they arrived that he had called the meeting for one that afternoon.

 

Victor helped the two men focusing on their homework by making lunch.  He cleaned the apartment trying to burn off the nervous energy he felt bubbling up inside him.  When the others jumped up to try and help him, he waved them off and told them to study. He then occupied the opposite end of the couch tucking his feet behind Yuuri, trying to find focus in what he read.  Victor kept his independence during the day, the only exception was when he took Makkachin out. Yuuri wouldn’t take no for an answer and went out with him. The fact that several bodyguards were present didn’t seem enough for Yuuri.

 

At one, they met with Akio who directed them down the hall to one of the apartments occupied by the bodyguards.  Opening the door in the space, Victor’s eyes widened at the number of people occupying the space.

 

Akio addressed the crew after closing the door.  “Men? Women? This is Victor Nikiforov. Familiarize yourself with the principal and make sure he learns your name and meets with you before he leaves.  We’ve called this meeting to discuss a possible mark as well as ongoing threats.” Akio then briefed them on the situation while Victor’s eyes moved about the room learning their faces, some he recognized from campus, two he even knew from class.

 

After the briefing, several men and women approached.  “I’m Saunders. I’m in your Modern Lit class.” “Hayden Quin.  Russian Lit. Not sure how that one’s going to go.” “Kameron James.  Calculus. I’ll be joining your detail as well.” “Angel Lewis. I’m also in your Calculus class as well as your Bio.”  Victor met each of them in turn and welcomed them. Their faces were open and friendly and he started to feel at ease picking one after another out of the crowd.  He met the others including Tyler Mack who also joined the detail. The ones that floated, two of which were in his classes. Knowing their faces put him at greater ease.

 

Returning to the apartment, Victor’s eyes roved over the two men focusing on their homework.  He busied himself with preparing dinner. Then after, he took Makkachin out with Yuuri. Upon return to the apartment, Yuuri had to return to his homework.  Victor sighed, watching the two men. He knew their work was more task oriented and therefore required more time than his.  _ I don’t want to disturb them further.   _ The clock was just past seven and knowing Yuuri, he’d be programming well into the night.   _ I’ll just go clean our rooms. _

 

* * *

  
  
  


Two hours passed with interplay between the two roommates when Yuuri looked up suddenly and glanced around.  “Have you seen Victor in a while?” Phichit shook his head and resumed his work. The programming assignment was a bitch.  Yuuri tried to do the same but then started to worry. “I’m just going to check on him.” Phichit glanced up and waved at him as Yuuri abandoned his computer to the coffee table and disappeared down the hall.

 

The soft glow from a lamp on in the study drew his attention first.  He spotted the abandoned crochet project on the chair. With care, he packed it up and settled it back into the basket so it wouldn’t get damaged or unravel.  Glancing around the room, everything else appeared to be in order. So he dimmed the light and abandoned the room for the night.

 

Moving down the hall, he spotted light beneath their bedroom door.  Opening the door cautiously in case Victor was sleeping, his eyes widened at the sight before him.  Seated in the middle of the bed was Victor curiously exploring the contents of a box. Blue eyes lifted to his, pink dusting his cheeks.  “I guess we’re even,” Victor murmured. He reached into the box and pulled out the teardrop shaped black  [ toy ](https://www.amazon.com/LOVENSE-Hush-Most-Powerful-Vibrating/dp/B01FVTA9BO?th=1) .  “What can you tell me about this?”

 

Yuuri swallowed as his eyes fell onto the butt plug before lifting them up to meet Victor’s, blush creeping into his cheek.  “Believe it or not, it was a class project.”

 

Victor’s eyes widened and he leaned forward in interest.  “Knowing you, I don’t doubt it. Do tell.”

 

“Well, it was in Human Sexuality.  And we were talking about consent, law, and gray areas.  And Phichit and I found this  [ article ](https://www.gizmodo.com.au/2017/11/if-your-vibrator-is-hacked-is-it-a-sex-crime/) where someone hacked this brand of plug.  So...we ordered one to see just how easy it was to hack into the app and manipulate the device.”

 

Victor gave him an amused gaze.  “I don’t know where I want to go with this.  So...was it?”

 

Yuuri smirked.  “Quite. It was easy to get into the app, and then gain access to others who had it installed on their phones.  And we even picked up on others that were wearing them in public.” He saw Victor’s face and added quickly, “We didn’t turn them on or anything.  However, you can detect the bluetooth if the other person doesn’t close the gate. So...we modified the script. After several trials, we improved the design, sent the patch to the company, and well...they sent us replacement products and a fairly significant check.  It was an uploadable patch that was a low cost solution to the problem. It’s not perfect but it’s much better. And people are safe now.”

 

Victor twirled the toy in his fingers, raising his eyebrow.  “And have you tested the product?”

 

Yuuri’s mouth went slack.  Licking his lips and swallowing, he said, “Y-yes.”

 

“I think I might need to examine the effectiveness of this product.  Would you do me the honors?” Victor’s eyes took on a look that Yuuri had seen a little of on the ice as they coasted together.

 

Yuuri felt his breathing grow heavy, “Wh-what do you want?”

 

Victor smirked.  “I want you to wear it, of course.”

 

“Here?”

 

Victor grinned at the implication.  “I think here...for now. We might try otherwise at another date.”  He waved his fingers to signal him closer and Yuuri moved to the side of the bed.  “You did tell me you’ve used toys in the past.”

 

Yuuri nodded.  “Just...not with a partner.”

 

Victor’s hand slid up his leg to ground his partner more than anything.  “Yuuri, color please.”

 

Yuuri blinked as he processed the question.  “Green,” he finally managed.

 

“Will you wear this for me?”  Victor’s voice was silky against Yuuri’s ears.

 

“Y-yes...green,” he answered gruffly.

 

Victor rose up on his knees in front of Yuuri leaning in to kiss him.  “I am starting to love the color green,” he murmured just before he sealed their lips together.  As they parted, eyes held one another for a moment and then they parted just enough to start pulling at clothes.  They were helping one another, tugging things loose, tossing garments on the floor until nothing remained between them.  Then Victor’s arms were around Yuuri’s neck pulling him in for another kiss. Yuuri’s knee found purchase on the bed and Victor started backing up guiding Yuuri into position.  He reached down and moved the box aside. “I want you to lie down for me and relax.”

 

Yuuri turned and settled into the middle of the bed letting Victor’s hands guide him into position.  His eyes followed his lover’s movements as Victor reached for the lube he already had ready on the nightstand.  “Color, Yuuri.”

 

“G-green,” he murmured drawing in a shaky breath.

 

Victor looked up sharply at him.  “Remember, I’m not doing anything to you that you haven’t done yourself.”

 

Yuuri nodded chewing his lower lip.

 

Victor’s hand went to Yuuri’s thigh and guided the legs further apart with his touch.  “Yuuri, may I touch you?”

 

The older man nodded.  “Please,” he whispered.

 

A smile quirked the Russian’s lips.  Squirting some of the lubricant into his hand, he began to rub his fingers together to warm up the substance.  “Since you inserted a toy of this size into you, I’m assuming you’ve opened yourself up before.”

 

Yuuri nodded but Victor could see the nervous tremor in his lover’s body.

 

“Are you okay with me opening you up or do you want to do it yourself?” he asked just to be sure.

 

Yuuri seemed surprised by the question.  Blinking he consciously widened his legs further.  “I want you.”

 

Victor smiled warmly.  “Good...then I’ll take good care of you.”  With that, he traced his finger down Yuuri’s perineum watching the smaller man’s eyes close and focus on the feeling elicited by Victor’s touch.  Reaching Yuuri’s entrance, he circled the ring of muscles. “Relax for me, my Yuuri.” The opening softened and soon Victor’s finger dipped just within watching his lover’s expression as they pushed past this next barrier in their relationship.

 

“More,” Yuuri breathed.

 

Victor pressed further into him, his finger starting to move in and out.  Yuuri’s lips parted and he began breathing in time with the movement. “Color,” Victor asked once more.

 

“Green!”

 

Victor glanced up, smiling at his lover’s eager response.  As his finger’s movement began to operate with ease, Victor placed a second finger at Yuuri’s entrance.  Blue eyes fluttered over to the toy wanting to make sure he properly stretched Yuuri so that it would be comfortable and enjoyable.  Licking his lips, Victor leaned forward and teased Yuuri’s length with kisses and gentle sucks even as Victor eased his second finger inside.  He could hear the moans in response.

 

He stilled his motions slowly, watching Yuuri’s face.  “Yuuri...how are you doing?”

 

He measured his breaths before answering.  “I’m good. You’re good.”

 

Victor blushed.  “Thank you. I need to ask you.  Did you stretch to three fingers with this toy or just two?”

 

“T-two?”  Victor watched Yuuri’s eyes, making sure the focus in them stayed locked on him.

 

Victor smiled as he pressed a kiss to his inner thigh.  “I’m going to start to stretch you, love. Color?”

 

“G-green.”

 

Victor rose up to study his partner as he scissored his fingers to create the stretch needed to accomodate the toy.  A couple more kisses on Yuuri’s knees while the other watched him. Removing his hand he was surprised to find Yuuri handing him a wet wipe.  “Thank you, my Yuuri.” Picking up the toy, he added the lube. “This feels a little more generous than the one I had.”

 

“I can help you find a replacement,” Yuuri offered dropping his head back.

 

Victor smiled as brought the toy low.  “Color?”

 

“Green,” Yuuri answered solidly.  The pressure of the toy inserting into him gave him stretch but he felt himself closing with ease around the bulb.  He released a breath he didn’t realize he was holding and sought out blue eyes. “What’s next?”

 

Victor’s face was flushed, “I want you...to play with me.  And I’m going to use this toy to ground you. Okay, Yuuri?”

 

Yuuri nodded.  “The app!”

 

Victor giggled warmly leaning forward to kiss him on the nose, chin, then lips.  “Already installed.” He lifted his phone and tapped onto the app. The barely discernible hum brought a gasp from the other man.  With a slight adjustment, Yuuri answered him once more with a low moan. The older man then wrapped his arms around Victor, his fingers digging into his lover’s skin, leaning in to deepen the kisses.  Victor sighed into him, his hands tangling into Yuuri’s hair.

 

Yuuri rolled Victor onto his back, leaning in to kiss him, taste him, give him what he’s been begging for.  Victor’s eyes clouded as he surrendered to Yuuri. The older man began trailing kisses down his neck. Lifting up to catch blue eyes, he asked, “What do you want, Vitya?”

 

Victor smoothed his fingers through his hair with a soft smile.  “More. I want to move forward. I want to feel you in anyway you can provide.  Your touch. Your mouth.”

 

“I’m not...I don’t think I can…”  Yuuri’s mind started racing to all of the roadblocks and then he felt the vibrations in the plug increase.  His worry began subsided and he felt the focus come back to him. Looking up sharply, he held blue eyes. Focusing his words, he said, “I love you and I don’t want to hurt you.  I’m not sure I can fuck you yet.”

 

“But there are other things you can do.  And the rest will come with time.” Victor stroked his fingers through Yuuri’s hair, careful not to pull too hard, and gave him the soft tugs Yuuri wanted, Yuuri needed.  “I love you and I trust you with my body. Follow your instincts.”

 

Yuuri nodded as he leaned forward, giving into his need, hands sliding down Victor’s side finding the curve of the younger man’s hips and ass.  He kissed down his chest, sucked in the pink nipple teasing it with his tongue and teeth. He sucked once more, the answering moans encouraging him even as his hands squeezed into the firm globes.  Pulling up, he saw the younger man’s eyes closed, his lover focused on sensation. “Vitya, color?”

 

Blue eyes shot open and lips parted.  He nodded at first and Yuuri knew the words were difficult for a moment.  He waited, watching Victor sort through his thoughts. “G-green.”

 

“I know you want to give into the sensation...but I need you to watch me,” Yuuri stated.  “I need you to keep me grounded.”

 

Victor nodded.  “Okay. I’ll watch you.”

 

Yuuri smiled in response before dipping down to take in the other nipple lavishing it with the same attention as the first.  He felt Victor’s hands in his hair running through the strands, tangling fingers into the tresses, rolling over the surface. Yuuri moved down Victor’s abdomen kissing the planes of Victor’s muscles, seeing the evidence of his core strength.  He traced the outer edge of his navel with his tongue. Victor gasped even as Yuuri began to tease the recess more.

 

“I didn’t...know I was sensitive there,” Victor breathed.  Then his breath hitched as Yuuri’s hand slid over his length.  “Will you...can you suck me?”

 

Yuuri gave an experimental lick and Victor shivered in his arms.  Looking up he caught blue eyes focused on him. “I need your hands.  Guide me. I’m not...sure what I’m doing.”

 

“Follow your instinct,” Victor murmured softly.  “And I’ll keep my hands in your hair...okay?”

 

Yuuri nodded.  “I...can do that.”  Yuuri leaned forward, kissing along the length and then sliding his tongue up.  It was new. He never gave a blow job before. But everything with Victor was new.  Each step, each push forward. And as he felt his head tangle up in thoughts, he had an answering tug in his hair or an increase in stimulus down below.  Yuuri sucked on the head, his tongue exploring the surface, tasting the small amount of fluid leaking. Victor rewarded him with moans, stroking his hair, and watching him, never taking his eyes off of the older man.

 

Then Yuuri sucked the length down, only a short distance at first, his tongue sliding down the surface to tighten the channel.  Pulling back he looked up at Victor who gave him an approving nod. Yuuri then suck him down deeper coming up sputtering. “What did I…”

 

Victor smoothed his hair out.  “Not deep,” he murmured. “That takes lots of practice.  You can use your hand at the base. Use lube if you need to.”

 

Yuuri nodded, reaching for the lube, he ran his hand down the surface of Victor’s length, rolling his balls before returning to the length.  Lowering his head, he tried once more. This time, he focused his mouth towards the top, lavishing his attention on the head. He ran his tongue around the edge before dipping in to flick across the slit.  The answering moan told him all he needed to know even as his hand kept a steady pace along the shaft. Combining the handjob with the blowjob seemed to relax Yuuri as he was familiar with the one, his hand sometimes leaving the length to tease along Victor’s legs and thighs before running over his balls once more and then taking him in hand again.

 

“Y-yuuri…”  The younger man’s voice plead.  “I need…”

 

Yuuri came up, kissing the tip before fully releasing him.  “I know...and I want you to. Come for me.”

 

“You don’t have to...some don’t like to swallow.” Victor was mewling, his voice small and his need driving him over the edge.

 

“I won’t know until I try,” Yuuri pointed out.

 

Victor nodded, his pupils blown as he focused on his lover between his legs.  Yuuri lowered his head and continued to tease the head sucking him down some and pulling back to the surface.  His hand kept a steady rhythm increasing it as he continued. He could feel Victor’s hands in his hair tightening and loosening as the fingers tangled into the thick locks.  He could hear Victor’s breath increasing tempo interrupted by moans and soft cries. And then he heard the breathing hitched as hands tightened into his hair. Then he tasted Victor, salty and sweet at the same time.  Yuuri released a low “mmmm” in response as Victor finished. The younger man pulled him up insistently and then Yuuri had his mouth full of Victor in another way as the beauty pressed a demanding kiss.

 

Yuuri could feel his body sinking back into the mattress, Victor taking over, those lips sucking and licking their way down his body.  He could still feel the hum of the vibration within him. The plug relaxing him but then he felt the adjustment from his lover, his eyes widening.  “Aaah…”

 

“Good ah?” Victor checked.

 

“Y-yes...very good.”  The contact sent tremors through his prostate but he could feel it elsewhere as well.  Victor sealed the deal with his lips on Yuuri’s length. With practiced ease, he teased along the surface with his tongue kissing the tip before sucking him in.  Yuuri’s hands tightened in the sheets. “Vitya…”

 

“Mmmm,” he hummed around the length, the added vibrations sending a shiver through the older man.

 

Yuuri’s eyes closed then he forced them open wanting to watch Victor as the younger man had watched him.  He slid his hand through Victor’s hair and down the long beautiful neck reaching for something to give him purchase.  A long arm snaked under the bend of his leg and reached up to entwine Yuuri’s fingers. Yuuri squeezed back in answer.   _ This is what I need. _

 

Victor continued to suck and tease with his tongue, that mouth doing things Yuuri couldn’t imagine but wanting to master.  The rhythm of the vibrations of the plug seemed to answer Victor’s actions, and they worked in tandem pulling Yuuri’s release out.  Then Yuuri could no longer hold back if he wanted. “Aaaah,” he cried out even as his body unfurled.

 

Victor continued to suck until Yuuri relaxed into his arms.  Pulling up, he reached over and dialed down the vibration until it quieted.  “That was amazing,” Victor murmured, his eyes glittering happily.

 

“That’s my line,” Yuuri argued, the smile of a satisfied lover on his face.  He could feel Victor reach down to the plug. Yuuri squeezed to help push it out and then watched Victor wrap it in a wet wipe until they cleaned it.  Victor saw to him, wiping away any remaining lubricant. Once done, he settled into Yuuri’s arms.

 

“So...about your other toys…”

 

“I think we need to get you your own toys,” Yuuri murmured, his fingers sliding over Victor’s cheek and pulling him into a kiss.

 

“Maybe some toys to play together…” Victor suggested with a wink.  He then moved down to kiss in front of Yuuri’s ear before asking, “Did it help?  Ground you, that is?”

 

Yuuri offered him a sloppy grin.  “Very much so, Vitya. But so did the things you did to my hair.  It kept me cued into you, my awareness going outward rather than inward.”

 

Victor breathed out in relief.  “I wasn’t sure...but as I was looking at it, the idea came to me.  Then you walked in and I was like, might as well try now.”

 

Yuuri pulled the young man to a tight embrace, chuckling.  “I have to admit, I was quite turned on walking in to see you sitting in the middle of my box of toys.”

 

Victor’s blue eyes peeked up at him, “You’ve got things I’ve never seen before.  You’ll have to teach me.”

 

Yuuri chuckled softly.  “I thought I was the student here.”

 

“I think...we both have something to bring to the table.”  Victor leaned in to kiss his lips once more before adding, “And I think you’ll find I’m a very eager student.”

 

“Fuuuck…” Yuuri breathed out deepening that kiss.

 

* * *

  
  


Phichit wrinkled his nose as he looked back towards the other two men’s hall.  Makkachin was restless by the door. Pushing up, he walked down the hall to check on them as well as let them know Makkachin wanted to go out.  As he approached their bedroom door, he heard the soft moans and giggles on the other side. With a smirk, he turned back down the hall.

 

“I guess you’re going to have to make due with me, Makka.”  Picking up the keys, he leashed the dog and stepped into the hall.  He glanced over and waved at Kimiko in the hall.

 

“Going down, Phichit?”

 

“Yeah, Makkachin needs a break.”

 

She fell in step with the skater as they walked down the stairs.  “Are Victor and Yuuri in for the night?”

 

“It appears so.  They are already in bed which is why I’m taking our girl out right now.”

 

“Akio contacted Katsuki-soma.  I think the boss wants to send a couple more out.”

 

“It’s got to be getting crowded in that apartment.”  Phichit sounded light, but he knew that if the older gentleman was sending in more people the situation in Russia was heating up instead of what they had hoped.

 

“Three bedroom but I haven’t had to share.  One of the new guards is a woman as well. And Akio has his own place.  He might invite one of the others to stay with him. Maybe Shinoba.”

 

“I never thought about your sleeping arrangements.  It always just seemed to work out.”

 

They stood outside at this point watching Makkachin search out a place to take care of business when Phichit noticed a shadow near the building.  He pulled out his phone as a distraction. “Kimiko, look at this new app on my phone.”

 

The bodyguard narrowed her eyes but complied, coming to look over Phichit’s shoulder at the phone.  Her training kept her from reacting as Phichit focused and zoomed the phone’s camera on the figure. As he stepped out of the shadow just enough, Phichit captured his image as he continued to rattle on about the features of the new app.

 

They took Makkachin back inside before Kimiko responded.  “You need to send that to Akio.”

 

“I was planning on it.  That definitely isn’t the Russian we’ve been investigating.  Was it your man?”

 

“It definitely could be,” she confirmed.

 

He sent the photo to the chief before saying his goodbyes to Kimiko.  Glancing down the hall, he knew Yuuri and Victor were enjoying their private time. _  I’ll send it to him in the morning.   For now… _

 

He began running the image through facial recognition software using social media first as his filter.  He felt uneasy as he secured the apartment and moved to his own bedroom. He invited the poodle inside even as he pulled out a hamster to cuddle up to.  “I need my own cuddlebug,” he commented to the poodle. “I may not be that into sex, but I  _ do  _ like to cuddle.”  He sighed as he nuzzled the hamster.  “I guess we’ll see what tomorrow will bring.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, BluSkates and Magrathea, for the edits.


	48. A Thousand Times Good Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor and Yuuri enjoy a first. But what's going on in Hasetsu?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, BluSkates, for the edits and helping me write this story. I love your take on this. :)
> 
> Thank you all for reading. Let's see if we can spice this up a little. I wouldn't want you getting bored. ;)

* * *

 

[ A Thousand Times Good Night ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5avN2fhvEQ)

  
  


Over the course of the following week they fell into an easy routine.  Yuuri walked Victor to his first class of the day. Fortunately, Wayne was a smaller college and the literature classes were all in the same building.  Victor’s next class was down the hall where he talked with Pavel, enjoying the taste of Russian on his tongue. On other days, he’d talk with one of the Americans that was in charge of keeping an eye out for him in class.   After class, the guards, one visible with two others hidden in plain sight, walked him to the library to study where Yuuri picked him up and together they would either go to the apartment for lunch or pick something up on the way to the rink.

 

In the afternoons, they focused on practice, preparing their programs for the upcoming season.  During the evenings, they studied with Yuuri having to work through the corrections of his project while Victor ran through his tasks with ease.  This meant the Russian had a little more time on his hands while he watched Yuuri and Phichit work together on their programming assignment.

 

Curling up with a book, he stretched out next to Yuuri.  Makkachin found her way in front of Victor and Vicchan curled up in the crook of his knees.  He studied the Cyrillic words of the classic  [ Notes from Underground ](https://www.gutenberg.org/files/600/600-h/600-h.htm) by Fyodor Dostoevsky.  He could read it in English, the professor, Pavel’s stepfather, provided his own translation for the class and used the text to lecture from.  However, Victor hated the idea of the original thoughts being lost in translation.

 

The hour grew late.  Not too late, but approaching nine.  Victor unfolded himself and stood up.  The dogs were content and crossed the floor to a pillow where they curled up together.  Victor walked around the sofa, leaned over and hugged Yuuri from behind, whispering in his ear, “I’m going to bed.”  Then he was gone.

 

Phichit watched the interplay and spotted the younger man glancing back over his shoulder before disappearing down the hall.  He leaned into Yuuri’s space with an arched eyebrow, “Do you think that... _ maybe _ ...you were supposed to follow?” he suggested knowing Yuuri could be clueless at times.

 

The Japanese man looked up surprised and turned in the direction in which his lover had disappeared.  Then all of the pieces fell into place. “Oh,” he murmured. “I guess...I have no focus anyway.” He began shutting down his computer.  “Tomorrow?”

 

Phichit laughed, his eyes sparkling.  “Yes, we can continue tomorrow.”

 

Yuuri carried the computer into the study and plugged it in to charge.  The lamp behind Victor’s chair had been left on and as Yuuri reached for it, his hand strayed over the crocheted work his boyfriend created, continuing from the other night.   _ You really are talented.  In so many ways. You create beauty wherever you go. _  Turning off the lamp, he crossed the hall to clean up in the bathroom.  If he was going to arrive late, he was going to arrive clean.

 

Twenty minutes later he slipped into the bedroom.  Victor had the look of a man sleeping at first glance.  However, Yuuri took in the bare shoulder and knew that indicated Victor would have little to nothing on beneath the covers.  Yuuri removed his clothes and lifted the blankets gingerly, taking in the sight of his lover unclad before he slid in next to him.  Victor’s form was still as immaculate as the first time Yuuri had ever seen him, only stronger. The defined muscles, the smooth curve of his skin, the slight smile on the pale pink lips.  Yuuri’s mouth sought out the sensitive skin behind Victor’s ear.

 

The younger man shivered and whispered, “It took you long enough.”

 

“My head,” Yuuri murmured.  It was enough. They both knew.  Yuuri nibbled his lobe, pressing his hand against the younger man’s stomach to pull him closer, feeling Victor relax into him.  A soft moan escaped Victor’s lips. Yuuri purred into his ear, “What do you want?”

 

“Anything,” he whispered.  “Everything. What...do you want?”

 

Yuuri’s lip trailed kisses down his lover’s neck and shoulder.  “I want to give you everything but I’m going to mess up.”

 

“I want it messy,” Victor argued.  “I don’t want anything to be perfect.  I love your beautiful imperfections. What...do  _ you  _ want?”  The question repeated, settling in the air, shifting the focus on Yuuri.  Until now it was always about Victor but the younger man didn’t want that.  He wanted Yuuri to be active in this, to be a part of this decision and to express his desires as well.

 

Yuuri’s eyes darted around.  He could feel the panic rising up inside but he took deep breaths and stuffed it down.  “I want...will you…” Yuuri stuttered to a halt not sure how to ask for what he wanted.

 

Victor turned in his arms, fingers carding into his hair.  “Yuuri, I’m yours just as much as you’re mine. What do  _ you  _ want?”  Those blue eyes held onto him intently, his focus on the older man.

 

Yuuri felt the fingers in his hair, tightening just enough to pull him away from his panic.  He licked his lips, biting them. “Will you...show me how...I want you to make love to me. I want you...I want to know all of you.  I want...to feel you inside me.”

 

Victor’s lips parted in surprise.  “I-I want that, too.” They both knew that Yuuri had never experienced this.  This was one thing Hikaru hadn’t stolen from him. And it was one thing Victor never experienced, something just for them.  “And you’re sure?” Victor wanted this, was willing for this...but it had to be Yuuri’s decision.

 

Yuuri nodded leaning into Victor.  He also knew a nod wouldn’t be enough.  Not on this. “I want you. I want this.”

 

Victor’s eyes fluttered closed as he lowered his chin, brushing a tender kiss on Yuuri’s lips.  As they parted, he firmly turned Yuuri onto his back. “And you trust me...with this...with you.  Because if you don’t trust me, I could hurt you.”

 

“I trust you,” the words came out as a whisper as if he was breathing them out, his arms reaching up to Victor.  “Make love to me, Vitya.”

 

Victor pushed up on his forearms, brushing kisses over Yuuri’s lips, chin, neck.  “You are all that I want,” he murmured against the other’s skin.

 

Yuuri calmed, laying back underneath him.  Victor’s lips explored Yuuri, nipping along his collarbone, licking at his nipples and smiling at the gasp from the older man before sucking at the rose nub.  Yuuri’s fingers slid through silver hair, over shoulders and defined back muscles. He could feel the scars beneath his fingers, tiny lines that would remind Victor of his torture and torment under another.  Yuuri’s hands ran up and down the surface as much as they could reach but Victor was slipping further down his body, his lips lavishing attention on the journey downwards.

 

Yuuri’s breath hitched as he felt those lips tease over his length, not realizing Victor used that distraction to relax his legs.  Victor slid his hands along Yuuri’s thigh feeling the older man quiver under his touch. With the gentle guide of Victor’s touch, Yuuri’s legs parted to welcome him.  Victor pulled back his lips to survey the man beneath him with loving eyes. “I’m going to slide a pillow beneath your hips,” he said softly, reaching for the desired object beside them.  Yuuri lifted his hips and accommodated the set up before relaxing under Victor’s guiding hand.

 

Victor reached for the lube warming it between his fingers, then sliding them down Yuuri’s perineum, circling the tight ring of muscles beyond.  “Close your eyes, Yuuri, and focus on the feeling.” He watched Yuuri swallow before nodding and complying. He couldn’t help the smile that touched his lips.   _ Oh, my Yuuri… _

 

He focused on settling Yuuri, his touch tender, relaxing Yuuri before breaching him.  Yuuri’s lips parted, a small gasp escaping his lips. The blue eyes stayed locked on Yuuri’s face, watching for the slightest discomfort, and being guided by the moans of pleasure he heard.  Victor remembered last time he opened Yuuri, but this time wasn’t for a toy...this was for...Victor. The younger man trembled at the thought. He remembered the pain from being pushed too far too soon and that memory sent a shudder through him, pausing his actions.  Mikhail had taken so many firsts from Viktor, knowing that he could have one with Yuuri made him both excited and terrified.

 

“Are you okay?” Yuuri breathed out, his hand reaching down towards the younger man, their fingers tangling together temporarily.

 

“Yes...it’s just...this is my first time, too,” Victor breathed nervously.   _ I can’t fuck this up.  Not for him...not...for me. _

 

“I trust you,” Yuuri reassured him, shimmying a little closer, pressing against Victor’s touch.  Victor looked up to meet those cinnamon brown eyes and the trust within them. 

 

Victor felt Yuuri open a little further for him.  He focused on opening Yuuri further, turning his fingers and listening until he heard the murmurs of pleasure as Victor brushed against his prostate.  “Mmmm, there we are, my Yuuri.”

 

“Vitya…”  Yuuri’s voice was growing needy.

 

“Do you feel good?”  Victor watched Yuuri begin to come apart beneath him.

 

“Yeeess…”  His voice shook in the release of that one syllable, his hips lifting to meet Victor’s touch, grinding himself onto the slender hand.

 

“Do you want this?  Want more, Yuuri?” Victor reached with his free hand to slide up and down Yuuri’s length.

 

“I want...you...Vitya...please,” he panted.

 

Victor smiled indulgently, removing his hand and looking down at himself, hard and waiting.  He gave himself three good strokes as he reached for the box of condoms. Yuuri looked up at him questioningly.  “I want you to be safe, Yuuri,” he explained and at his lover’s frown, he added, “I don’t know...I mean, he could have…”

 

“Vitya, we’ve both been tested.  You are not unsafe,” Yuuri murmured softly.  Then he reached towards Victor. Their hands slid together as Victor’s eyes dropped struggling with the decision.  “If you need this, Victor...it’s okay. I just need you to know...for me, it’s not necessary.”

 

Victor drew a ragged breath, turning the box in his hand.  His eyes lifted to Yuuri, his mouth puckering in a frown. “H-he didn’t care for me enough to protect me from his past.  I  _ do  _ care for you.  Please let me do this,” he pleaded, feeling tears prickle at the corner of his eyes.

 

Yuuri squeezed his other hand.  “Of course, my darling Vitya.”

 

Victor took out the condom and closed his eyes trying to remember how to use it.  Looking over at Yuuri, he frowned, his hand shaking. “I don’t want to mess up.”

 

Yuuri nodded, sitting up and taking the box from his hand.  “Sex-ed class,” he explained as he pulled the small square out of the box and tore open the package.  Removing the disk he rolled it loose for a short bit, pinching the tip. “May I?”

 

Victor, eyes wide and round, nodded as he watched Yuuri roll it down on his length.  “Oh...I was overthinking it.”

 

Yuuri kept his eyes on the condom.  He felt Victor twitch in pleasure in his grasp.  “You just have to make sure you leave room for your ejaculation.”

 

Victor suddenly giggled.

 

“What?”  Yuuri’s eyes studied him curiously, a small smile playing on his lips.

 

“I don’t know...but the whole situation struck me as funny.   _ You  _ having to explain to  _ me  _ how to use the condom  _ I  _ insisted on using.”  Victor also had to admit, if only to himself, that Yuuri’s ministrations were insanely hot.

 

Yuuri grinned.  “I suppose it is rather off.”  They drew a breath and Yuuri’s hand ran down Victor’s arm.  As the other man settled, Yuuri whispered, “I still want you...in me.”

 

Victor nodded, helping Yuuri to settle back.  “I’m...going to move slowly.” He placed his hands on Yuuri’s hips and steadied him.  Taking a deep breath, he lined himself up. He held Yuuri’s eyes as he pushed in, inch by inch, watching Yuuri’s eyes widen, his lips parting, stopping intermittently as both settled, Yuuri breathing through.  Then he continued, until he was seated within.

 

Yuuri’s expression softened.  He reached out, grabbing for Victor’s hands, and their fingers tangled together.  “I love you,” he declared softly. “I love...feeling you...in me.”

 

Victor smiled, blinking through his own tears, emotion overwhelming him.  “I love you, my Yuuri.”

 

Their eyes rested on one another, Victor slowly letting go of Yuuri’s hands, resting on Yuuri’s hip, one arm slipping under his knee to support him better.  Swallowing, he started, to move and gasped at the shocks of pleasure along his length. “Yuuri…”

 

“Please, Vitya...more…” he answered grinding up against him.

 

Victor began moving more quickly, building to an  _ allegro  _ as he watched Yuuri’s head fall back, mouth falling open, soft cries of pleasure escaping his lips.  Victor’s own pleasure threatened his focus, the build sending him close to the edge. He brought a shaky hand, reaching for Yuuri’s length, moving deep within as he took long strokes, timing them perfectly.

 

“Vitya Vitya Vitya…” he cried out.

 

“Yuuri...please…”  Everything in him cried for release.  He needed Yuuri. He needed the words.

 

“I’m so close,” Yuuri answered.

 

“Yuuri, I need…”  Victor’s eyes closed then he felt Yuuri crash over, the warmth in his hand, the vibrations of his walls grabbing something within Victor.  He felt all of his energy traveling through his body, centering on his pleasure. Then he cried out, spilling within Yuuri.

 

His head fell forward, still kneeling between Yuuri’s legs, still within him although he was already decreasing.  He panted, grabbing at his breath. “Y-yuuri…”

 

“Vitya…”

 

Victor pulled free of him, stretching out beside him, pulling him into his arms.  “Are you okay?”

 

“Y-yes…” but he felt Victor pull him more tightly into his embrace.  “Y-you came. I didn’t…”

 

“I know,” he murmured.  “You didn’t have to tell me…”

 

Yuuri was rubbing circles into Victor’s back, scared that the emotion might overwhelm the younger man.  “I opened my mouth to say it...to tell you to come for me...then I felt you inside me.”

 

“My Yuuriiii…”  Victor laughed as happiness bubbled out of him then pulled back seeking Yuuri’s lips.  They kissed over and over, the elation of the triumph holding them together.

 

Finally pulling back, Yuuri smiling up at him, he urged, “We need to clean up.”

 

“I know,” Yuuri responded, taking Victor’s hand as the younger man pulled him to his feet.  Leaning in, they stole another kiss. “I love you, Vitya.”

 

“I love you, my Yuuri…”

  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


**Hasetsu, Japan**

 

Hiroko put her purse over her shoulder and called out to Mari, “I’m going to see Ami-San for tea ingredients.  Please keep an eye on things.” She tapped on the doorframe, waiting for her daughter’s response.

 

“No problem, Mom.  Be careful,” she answered from somewhere in the next room.

 

Hiroko’s eyes resembled her son’s when they rolled with sarcastic mirth.  “What could happen to me in Hasetsu?” The matriarch scoffed as she scurried down the path.  She began ticking off ingredients in her head as she considered her needs.  _ Aiko has a cold so I need ginger.  She’s as old as me and a cold could keep her down.   _ She smiled thinking of her other neighbor, an old friend from childhood.   _ Otousan’s arthritis has been acting up, so I need peppermint.  Of course, he’ll probably prefer matcha. _

 

Lost in thought as she ambled down the familiar road, she failed to notice someone following her until a shiver ran down her spine.  A cold wind stopped her, and she noticed the activity around her.  _ I wasn’t expecting a visitor today.   _ She looked up to see a familiar spirit and offered an easy smile.  “What’s troubling you?”

 

The spirit whispered and hissed as it spun around the old mystic's form.  Hiroko’s gaze followed the form to see the man approach her, narrowing her eyes she quickly sized him up.  He was very large, dressed oddly, and was looking directly at her. Perhaps it was the ghost that had her on edge but something didn’t feel right about this man.

 

“Can I help you?” she asked in English, the man was obviously foreign.

 

The man froze as if he were caught.  They were in the open making him uneasy.  “ _ Da _ .  I need…” he paused seeking a plausible excuse then continued in his uncertain English “...beach.”

 

Hiroko squinted her eyes suspiciously.  His clothing was entirely wrong for the beach, boots, heavy material pants, and then there was just something about his demeanor.  “That’s the other direction.” She pointed out, away from her and her direction.

 

The man scrambled looking for a response that seemed reasonable.  “Lost?”

 

“Are you not sure if you are lost or not?” Hiroko asked unbelieving.  Her skin prickled in warning. The spirit that warned her of this man was still around, but out of sight.   _ Why is there a foreigner here, a Russian foreigner at that? _  “Are you here to see someone?”

 

His eyes rolled up, as if he were searching for not the words, but the excuse.  “Holiday...hot springs…”

 

She nodded slowly, “If you are a customer, go back up the road and check in at Yu-topia.  I will be back soon to check on you but my husband and daughter are there for now.”

 

The man seemed at a loss as to how to respond, turning with a sigh of defeat to go in the opposite direction.  Hiroko watched for a while until he disappeared around the bend. Pulling out her phone, she called her daughter.

 

“I met a man on the road looking for the onsen.”  Hiroko resumed her walk, heading towards her friend.

 

Mari’s voice was immediately on edge down the line.  Something in her mother’s voice alarmed her. “What do you mean, Mom?”

 

“Well, he was Russian.  I had the distinct impression he was caught in a lie.”  She noticed the shade back again, looking at her from behind a garden wall.  That’s when she caught the feeling of others. Several shades, all peeking out from corner and shadows.   _ What has you all gathered here today? _

 

“Come home!” Mari demanded.

 

“He’s between us,” Hiroko pointed out.

 

“How far are you from Ami-San?”  Mari’s voice was very agitated. Hiroko knew her daughter was a cool headed person, to hear panic in her voice was rare...and serious.

 

“Not far.”  Hiroko picked up the pace to her friend’s home.

 

“Get there and stay until Sofu sends a car,” Mari ordered, her voice taking on a command tone that she rarely used in front of her parents.

 

Hiroko continued when she heard the gravel behind her crunch.  Turning, she spotted the man approaching her once more. Drawing up her small stature to its full height, she demanded, “What’s your business?”

 

He smirked and answered, “You’re my business, Catsookee witch!”  He made to pull out a weapon, fumbling with the latch on his holster, “Pahkan says keep your hands off his toys.”

 

Her eyes narrowed.  Glancing around, she realized she was in that narrow stretch out of sight.  Turning, she let out a cry as she took off running. The man didn’t have a chance to get his gun free, behind her, all hell broke out in response to her shriek, spirits rose from the ground and converged on the foreigner.  Shades from the corners froze his steps, choked the breath from him and blocked his vision. She heard his cries but kept running until she reached her neighbor’s door, pounding on it.

 

The door opened and a startled Ami invited her in.  “What’s wrong? You look so pale,” she clucked. Her eyes then widened as Hiroko motioned toward the lock.

 

In choppy breath she uttered enough to her friend.  “Someone was chasing me. A foreigner.”

 

Ami called her husband out and he barricaded the door before calling an alert to his son.  Both men worked for Katsuki-soma and would protect the sage with everything they had.

 

Ami guided her into the kitchen making a cup of tea for her nerves.  “I should call my daughter,” Hiroko muttered.

 

“My husband will take care of everything.  Just wait it out.” Ami stilled her hand with a soft touch.

 

And they waited drinking tea, the list long forgotten.  Ami distracted her by talking about family matters focusing on the mundane.  It was an unspoken rule not to talk about the business. It always remained in the background even when it came to husbands and sons.

 

“How is our favorite skater?”

 

“Away at college once more.”  Her eyes darted to the door as she sent a wish to the heavens that they were safe.

 

“The same for my daughter.  Fukuoka. Studying art. We sacrifice so much for our children to create.”

 

“We create in our own way,” Hiroko murmured as she found a soft smile.

 

“Speaking of which, let me show you the tapestry I’m working on.”  Ami led Hiroko off finding one distraction after another while the time passed by.  Finally, the car arrived. Ami’s husband escorted her out and settled her in the seat.

 

“Be safe, Katsuki-san,” he said kindly.

 

“Thank you,” and she was off.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?


	49. The Swan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are happening in Hasetsu. How will it affect our boys?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much thanks to BluSkates for the edits. I have one more chapter written and plan to post it next weekend unless I get some things written before then. Until then, enjoy all of the drama!

* * *

 

 

[ The Swan ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b44-5M4e9nI)

 

Mari felt the cold calm set in as she made the call to Riku, the security chief.  She knew he’d call Akio as soon as the mark was in custody. They were brothers, after all.  Inhaling deep she used the tone she reserved for her true work. “The Swan is in danger. A Russian pigeon has landed on the pavement.”

 

“Location?”  Riku never minced words. He knew this protocol even if it was never used, was memorized as one of the most important, the one trained into each new recruit as quickly as the one to protect Sofu himself. What Mari didn’t know was this protocol was the primary function of all, put above Sofu’s own protection and safety at his orders.  Sofu created it, updated it, all because he knew this woman saved his son, and himself, and he would never be able to repay her.

 

“She flew down towards the tea leaves.”  Speaking in code, she knew Riku would understand the terms she used for parts of her town.

 

Down the line she could hear a shuffle and the rattle of keys before Riku replied.  “I’ve dispatched men in her direction.”

 

“Send a transport once the mark has been secured,” she disconnected and met her father’s eyes.  Mari opened her mouth to speak but checked her tone, shifting back to what she jokingly referred to as Hot Spring’s voice.  “She’s going to be okay. You know Mom.”

 

Toshiya nodded, “I’d feel better if she were here.”

 

Mari shook her head, “Whoever that was, he’s between us.  Moving her back here without first apprehending him would only endanger her more.  The men are moving in now.”

 

Toshiya frowned, studying his hands.  These troubles were something he had grown up with, but his father had always kept their small family far from business affairs.  Now these affairs were seeking them out, but this had nothing to do with Sofu. He sighed thinking of his son, of the boy his son fell in love with.  “It’s never easy with Yuuri.” The silver haired boy wasn’t responsible for the horrors that haunted his steps, but Toshiya would have preferred his son, and the boy he hoped to call son, would have an easier path.

 

Mari laughed bitterly.  “No, it’s not. It never was.”

 

“That poor boy, he’s going to blame himself.  Especially if something happens to her,” he mused, his eyes darting to the door that faced the south.

 

“Nothing’s going to happen,” Mari pressed.  _  Because if it did, St. Petersburg will run red with blood. _

 

And they waited.  An hour passed by before the car finally drove up and her mother spilled through the door.  Her father was at Mari’s side looking her mother over, making sure she was alright, hugging her and kissing her several times.

 

“I’m okay,” Hiroko assured them countlessly, but Mari could tell she was shaken.  And Katsuki Hiroko was never shaken. Mari inherited her fortitude from her mother.  The soft tiny body belied the true grit that was held within. Finally, Toshiya let her go and excused himself to the small office where they kept business records organized.  As he closed the door, he caught the sharp eyes of his daugher who knew he was making a call he hated to make.

 

Taking her mother in hand, Mari led her into the kitchen.  “Riku is increasing the guard around the inn.”

 

“Oh, I don’t think that’s necessary,” Hiroko scoffed.  She moved to the counter, immediately filling her kettle and pulling out the herbs for a stout tea.

 

Mari sighed, this would be the most difficult part of Sofu’s plan, getting her mother to agree to more safety precautions.  “I know where my brother’s stubbornness comes from,” she muttered under her breath.

 

From the stove Hiroko cocked her head, wagging a finger at her eldest child.  “I heard that and I don’t need any of your sass, Mari. I can still take you over my knee!”

 

Mari turned to hide her smirk.  Her mother never once took them over her knee.  It was an empty threat. Always. “The guards will stay,” she stated firmly.  Mari heard her mother slap her hands against the wooden table, the one thing that always felt the brunt of her frustration.

 

“They’d best stay out of the way and not scare the customers,” Hiroko fussed.  Focusing on her tea she willed herself to calm down.

 

Mari’s cell phone rang and she looked at her mother who waved her away before stepping out of the kitchen to take it.  “Riku, what do we know?”

 

The voice on the other end was strained.  “Definitely Russian. Hiroko-san said the man mentioned something about the Pakhan.”

 

Mari let out a growl, “Mikhail Volkov...he took over St. Petersburg territory.  It’s not clear how long he’ll last, but he’s a little angry at this family.”

 

More keys rattled on the other end as Riku entered the information into the meticulous logs he kept.  “That’s not good for any of us. I’ll make the call to Akio...I suggest you call Yuuri-san.”

 

Mari closed her eyes and blew out a long breath.  “Alert Akio but I want to hold off on that call to my brother until I know more.  I’m headed toward Sofu’s.” She frowned as she considered her brother’s reaction to the matter.

 

Riku relayed the information into a speaker on his end, then addressed her, “Take the car.  It should still be there.”

 

She huffed but agreed.  Outside, the black sedan sat, still waiting in the drive.

 

* * *

  
  


Stepping out at the old home that housed her grandfather, she took a deep breath and released it.  Deadly calm settled over her features. She approached the door and the guards opened it to admit her.  Riku met her at the door.

 

“I’ve made the initial report to Akio and he’s put the men on high alert.  Your grandfather is waiting.” He walked with her into the house but paused, “Don’t take too long to inform your brother.  He will notice the difference instantly.”

 

She thinned her lips and followed him into the room.  Her grandfather sat at the table with tea service waiting.  She dropped to her knees in front of him and greeted him. “Ohayō gozaimasu, Sofu.”

 

The older man was clearly keeping his calm together with string.  He had lead a life which included violence, but today shook him. “Granddaughter, come, sit.  Have tea with me.”

 

“The mark…”

 

Sofu raised a hand, it was the first time Mari noticed a tremor in it.  “He will be dealt with in time. The first matter at hand...how did he get on our island?”

 

“Riku is running security checks.”  She forced herself to focus. Her grandfather was waiting for her to pour the tea.  She started as she realized her hands were trembling. She put the pot back on the warmer and placed her hands flat on the table, clearing her thoughts.  Taking a deep breath, she focused and forced herself to settle. The process of seeing to her grandfather helped her to recenter her emotions. Resuming she was able to pour two cups, handing one respectfully to her grandfather with a customary bow.  He received it, and they each took a sip. Hiroko’s blend was familiar to her lips. Finally, she settled and waited for her grandfather to make the next move.

 

Sofu placed the cup on the table and looked at his granddaughter.  “How is my daughter?”

 

“She is shaken but fussing to hide it.”  Mari smiled at her mother’s reaction to the changes in security.  “She’s not happy that I’m increasing the guard.”

 

The old man laughed.  “She has so much fire and independence.”

 

Mari looked at the tea swirling in front of her.  “My brother is very much like her.”

 

Sofu watched the girl struggling with her emotions.  “I see a bit of her in you as well, Granddaughter.”

 

She smiled, ducking her head under his gaze.

 

The elder Katsuki then waved Riku into the room.  “Bring...our guest in and remain while we discuss his future.”

 

“Of course.”  Riku bowed before leaving the room.  They waited calmly for the man to be brought before them.

 

His expression was wild, hands secured with zipties, and Riku wasn’t gentle when he pushed him to kneel before the two Katsukis.

 

Mari regarded him thoughtfully.  Her grandfather disregarded him with equal thought.  Focusing on Riku, he asked, “What have you learned?”

 

Riku stepped away from the man, without a thought of him.  “He was sent here from the man claiming to be Pakhan in St. Petersburg, Mikhail Volkov.  He speaks readily. Volkov didn’t choose from the best of men to do this job.”

 

Mari noticed oddities of the man. There was nothing of the polish of a professional killer in the man before her.  In fact there was a pathetic lack of everything in this man. His clothing was shabby, pock marks dotted his arm from the frequent use of heroine, and there was a vacancy in his eyes.

 

“Then how did he get onto my island?” the old man demanded.  Sofu was displeased at the thought of this ill-trained buffoon sneaking past his guards and getting too close to his family.

 

Riku frowned.  “He came in with a Chinese freighter earlier this week and jumped ship at the Kitakyushu port from there he hitched a ride to the northern temple where he walked in.  We can trace him back there for two days. He made inquiries about the onsen from several of the locals who thought he was a customer and tourist. He arrived this morning, made his move today.”

 

Sofu grunted, “I want security increased at the port and the port chief reprimanded for allowing this to pass.”

 

Riku stood behind him, watching the elderly man’s movements.  “Of course, sir. The penalty will be steep.”

 

Turning his attention to the snared animal before him, the old man nodded to Mari.  She narrowed her eyes and asked, “Who sent you?”

 

The man started at the use of English, the previous words moving over him in the unfamiliar language.  Swallowing, he lifted his eyes and was met with the hard brown, the cold expression. “M-my Pakhan, madame.”

 

She stood up and walked around him, her hands clasped behind her back.  “Be more specific.”

 

The man kept his eyes on the woman as she circled him, like watching a tiger in a cage.  “M-mikhail Volkov, madame. H-he ordered the hit. H-he paid well.”

 

“I hope you received payment up front,” she stated coldly.  “Why Katsuki Hiroko?”

 

He blinked a moment before the name reordered itself in his mind.  Mari could tell he was struggling with language, “She is a witch. Her magic interfered with the m-master’s,” he stammered.

 

Mari stopped short in her tracks, casting a glance at Sofu who kept his expression stoney.  Mari raised her eyebrow as if to say  _ really? _  “Witch?  This isn’t the eighteenth century.  You would follow a leader who relied on spells and magic?”

 

He shrank at her contempt.  “I...follow a leader that would kill my family otherwise.  He has my brother in his organization.” He lifted his eyes to meet hers.  “I hoped to buy him back with this job...but it seems I failed.”

 

Mari resumed pacing, shaking her head at the man’s misplaced faith.  “You were a fool to think he’d ever let him go. He’s likely been sold several times in the human trafficking channels.”

 

He shrugged.  “It was a doomed mission but...I had to try.  My brother...he is young. She...she was old. It seemed...a fair trade.”

 

“Did you travel alone?”

 

The boy was silent but his expression spoke volumes.

 

She stopped in front of him, casting her eyes down, waiting for him to reveal all he knew.  “How many?”

 

Starting, he looked up once more to meet her eyes.  “I only know of one.”

 

“Give his description to Riku-san and you may see mercy.”  She turned away no longer interested. Riku gathered the man up and led him from the room.

 

“Mercy, Granddaughter?  That’s not like you. Especially where family is involved,” her grandfather remarked with a raised eyebrow.

 

“Is not a swift and painless death merciful?  Mercy, to die  _ before  _ I carve him up and send him back to Mikhail.”  She watched the man disappear into room under Riku’s hands.  “Did Vilkov honestly think he could make a move on our family and we would turn our backs on it?  Does he not realize he has just declared war?”

 

“I’ve already ordered all ports in Japan closed from his docks.  My allies are following suit,” the old man commented.

 

Mari turned back to her grandfather, “What about Yuuri and Victor?”

 

The older man nodded at her concern, “I’ve sent two more guards but with a direct attack in Japan, I need to keep the guard close.”

 

“I’ll contact Akio and Yuuri.  They have other resources.”

 

Sofu paused her with a hand to her shoulder, “Perhap we are thinking too small.  Russian problems need Russian solutions. The Baranovsky family...they are already moving into position.  The woman. No one suspects her but she wields great power.”

 

Mari smiled at the thought of another strong woman hiding her strength until the perfect moment.  “She hides behind a shield of family members. Much like myself. How long?”

 

“They hope to move within a couple of months.  They are letting the Volkovs kill each other off.  I hear reports of madness in Mikhail.”

 

“When he’s sending attacks on witches, there could be no doubt,” she stated derisively.

 

As she left, she was met by Riku.  “We have the description and it’s out.  The mark...he’s been granted the mercy of suicide.”

 

“Send him back to St. Petersburg.”  She filled out a paper and marked the label “Return to Sender” and added in a cute drawing as her signature.  

 

Riku snorted in response.  “I’ll see to it, Mari-san.”

 

“Report what you know to Akio.  I’ll call him myself later.”

 

“Yes, of course.”  He held the door open to the car and then tapped the hood for the driver to take her home.

 

* * *

  
  
  


Yuuri noticed the stricter protocols of his bodyguards, noticed the shared looks of the guards, noticed how conversations quickly switched when he entered a room, and even Victor picked up on something being wrong.  “Has something else happened?” the younger man asked him as they sat in their study.

 

Yuuri shook his head and shrugged.  “Nothing’s been reported to me but that doesn’t mean anything.”  Glancing at the clock, he did the calculations for the time difference.  “Let me call home. You call Yakov and Lilia.”

 

Victor nodded and they each pulled out their phones.  Yuuri reached his mother first. Instead of the warm greeting and usual small talk, which was increasingly questions about Victor he was amazed at the aggression on the line.  “You need to do something about your sister. She has even stationed a guard in my kitchen! My kitchen Yuuri, as if the pots were going to attack me! I can’t run a business like this.  He’s always in the way.”

 

Yuuri waited for her to take a breath before jumping in, “Wait...Mom, what’s going on?”

 

Hiroko’s voice was almost never hard, but there was an edge telling her son that his mother was angry, a new emotion.  “An overreaction. It’s not like they didn’t catch the man. Really!”

 

_ Didn’t catch the man?  Mom you are leaving something out!   _ Yuuri furrowed his brow still no more clear about the events then before.  “Can I talk to Mari?”

 

Hiroko huffed, annoyed that her children were conspiring against her and her cooking.  “You sure can. And tell her to get this man out of my kitchen! It’s bad enough they are floating around inside the inn!”

 

While he waited, he muted the phone and relayed to Victor, “Something’s up.  There are guards inside the inn.”

 

Victor frowned as he waited for his call to connect.  Yakov’s voice boomed across the line. “Vitya, are you okay?”

 

Victor jumped and almost dropped the phone, “I-I am...though our guards have picked up in activity.  How are you?”

 

Yakov’s gruff voice reached a new level of animated, “I’ve moved all of my skaters in house.  That crazy ex of yours has St. Petersburg turned up on its end.”

 

Victor knitted his brow, “What do you mean?”

 

“He’s taken over the district.  They say the old leader is dead.”  Yakov breathed for a moment, trying to calm himself for the boy.  “Lilia hasn’t told me much. Only what I needed to know.”

 

Victor’s voice became small.   _ Mikhail is Pahkan now?  Oh god...  _ “Is there anything I need to know?”

 

“Be careful and keep your guard close.  It’s still chaos around here and we’re moving the team to our Moscow location.”  The coarse coach melted into a concerned father.

 

Victor worried of little Yuri, Mila, his friends all having to seek shelter.  And what of the ones that weren’t with them? “Will they be safer there?”

 

“Yes...and the Moscow family are allies with Lilia’s.  They will keep us safe.”

 

Victor breathed a sigh of release then in a soft voice, he murmured, “I’m sorry.”

 

Yakov sighed wearily.  “My son, this is not because of you.  Our investigation showed this man would have gone after you regardless.  Like a crazy stalker. Every chance meeting was an orchestrated scene he constructed to get to you.  We just want you to be safe.”

 

Victor stifled a sob threatening to bubble up.  “I know...I want you to be safe, too.”

 

“That’s why we are going to Moscow.”  Yakov made it sound so final. His home rink, deserted, abandoned.

 

The slender pale fingers touched the side of the phone, as if he were reaching out for the man on the other end.  “Will you call me and let me know you made it safely?”

 

“I will.”  The voice was firm, confident.

 

Victor shot up quickly with a thought, “And...don’t let Yura stay with his grandfather.  It’s not safe enough.”

 

Yakov chuckled, that worry had already been addressed to the blonde.  “I’ll do my best. Nikolai tends to listen to my recommendations.”

 

“I’m glad.  Take care and give everyone my love.”

 

“And we...we love you, Vitya.  I will tell them. I should call within a couple of days.”  Then the phone was silent, Victor sat with a tear going down his cheek.

 

Yuuri finished his call and saw Victor’s demeanor.  Going immediately to his side, he pulled Victor in to sit next to him in the oversized chair.  “It’s going to be alright.”

 

“It feels like the world is breaking apart, Yuuri.  Yakov told me he loved me. They are moving the team to Moscow.”  Victor sniffed and dabbed at his tears between the breaks in sentences.  Yuuri frowned and Victor knew there was more. “What?”

 

The older man sighed in defeat.  “I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to tell you or not...but it would be wrong not to tell you.”  Yuuri took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “A hit was sent out on Mom.”

 

Victor gasped, “What?!!  Why? Is she okay? Did they hurt her?”

 

Yuuri held him as the younger man struggled in his arms, shushing him, his hand soothing him as he entered the explanation.  “He got close and that in itself is being investigated. However, she got away and is safely at home although none too happy with guards in her kitchen and her inn.  But Dad refuses to back her on getting rid of them. Mari...you know she’s more involved then she lets on.”

 

Victor nodded.  “I could tell...she holds herself differently.”

 

“I know she’s been in contact with Akio.  That’s why our guard has been tighter. The head of security in Hasetsu is his brother.”

 

“Oh, I didn’t realize that.”  Victor blinked back a few tears still clinging to his lashes.

 

“But...you notice a lot more then you let on.”  Yuuri caressed his soft cheek.

 

He nodded.  “I’ve had to...that’s how I survived.”  He then took a shaky breath. “This is all my fault, Yuuri.  If I’d just gone with him, no one would be in danger.”

 

Yuuri brought his head to him, brushing his lips into the silver.  “Don’t say that. He’s crazy. No one is safe around him. He would have used anyone you cared about to get to you, to control you.  And...no one would want you to sacrifice yourself to that monster. You are worth too much to all of us.”

 

Victor sniffed snuggling up into the crook of his neck.  “I just wish it was over. I grab hold of a moment of happiness only to have it yanked out of my grasp.”

 

Yuuri closed his embrace tighter around the little form.  “It makes us appreciate those moments all the more.”

 

“I hope my family gets out of St. Petersburg.”

 

“Are they going to contact you once they are clear?”

 

Victor nodded into his neck.

 

“Then all we can do is wait.  Don’t take this blame on yourself, my darling, my Vitya.  That’s what he wants.”

 

Victor drew a shuddering breath knowing it was easier said than done.  Still, he felt everyone’s love. He closed his eyes even as he worried about all of his loved ones.  Yuuri’s arms tightening around him told him that Yuuri worried as well.

 

* * *

  
  
  


Toshiya sat before his father.  He normally only came to the family home during celebrations.  Birthdays. Holidays. Today, he came for his family.

 

“Otousan, how do I protect her?  How do I protect my boys?”

 

The man studied his son, knowing how difficult this meeting was for him.  “I have pulled every measure and we’ve called on our allies, son. How is Hiroko-san?”

 

Toshiyo smiled thinking of his wife, and the silent treatment he was receiving since the guards were installed.  “She’s shaken up but mad because she has guards in the house.”

 

His father smiled at the thought of his daughter-in-law fighting them all.  “I’m glad we were able to make her safe.”

 

“And Mari?  Is she in over her head?”

 

The old man thinned his lips.  “She holds her own. She is from strong stock.”

 

Toshiya took a deep breath and let it out.  He didn’t want this for either of his kids but here it lay at their front door.  “Let me know if there is any way I can help. I...don’t have much but they are my family.”

 

“And they are mine.  Trust me, son.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what's on your mind?


	50. Jabberwocky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri makes a call to shore up security in Detroit, Akio works with news from overseas, security is reviewed and reviewed again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was cowritten between myself and BluSkates.

* * *

 

[ Jabberwocky ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TlyrweRsILk)

 

Akio read through the reports forwarded to him from both Katsuki-soma and Mari.  They were identical in the chronology of events leading up to the capture of the assassin sent to the small resort town on the coast.  While the confessed hitman was a complete failure it still worried him.  _ Did they send you as a guise for their own inability?  Is there a real danger lurking under this cover, testing the wires so to speak?   _ Closing his eyes, he began running through the island’s security protocols, knowing each step as well as he did his own hands.   _  I put this together myself, trusting only the closest of my men and leaving to my own brother.   _ His eyes snapped open thinking of flaws, unthought of until the latest events.  Contacting his brother, he sent some updated improvements before calling Mari. He had to hear her voice.

 

“How is the swan?”  He knew she would see through this, the real question ‘how are you’ couldn’t be asked.

 

Mari’s steady tone came down the line, her strength calmed him.  “Shaken but refusing to admit it. Right now she’s pissed about the guard in place.”

 

He chuckled at the thought of the little woman ordering a guard out of her way as the poor person stood lost in the chaos of her kitchen.  He took a breath, “And you?”

 

Akio could almost see the cloud of smoke she exhaled from the drag of her cigarette as she let it out in a long, slow hiss.  “I’m pissed as well that they got this close. The entire island is on lock down. Sofu is demanding to know the hole that let them in, and it’s gonna be hell to pay when he finds the idiots that let this moron step on our shores.”  He heard her shift the phone, meaning she was finding a place more private to talk. “Okaasan...you know what she means to him. She came into the family full of her own ghosts.” She paused, chuckling to herself. The stories about her mother’s sight was often whispered among the villagers.  “She...Sofu had his share of ghosts as well. The loss of his first wife...that was the last time an assassin got this close. The last time one made it onto the island. Jiji. Neither Yuuri or myself had the chance to know her. I know he’s had wives and lovers since then...but they’ve never replaced her.  Her picture still hangs in a place of honor. My father never begrudged my grandfather his happiness, but it hurt their relationship. My mother’s presence and my coming into the world, those things healed a broken family, Akio. She’s more than Otousan’s wife. She...she found Otousan when he was lost. He...didn’t want to risk his own family after Jiji’s loss.  She gave him the courage to tell Sofu he didn’t want that life. He found his own path.”

 

A raised eyebrow, that he was grateful the love of his life wasn’t there to see, indicated that Toshiya’s decision hadn’t surprised anyone.  “Katsuki-soma knew he didn’t belong in the business long before then. He’s a gentle spirit, your father. Your mother, though...she’s tough as nails...just a different kind of strong from you and Yuuri-san.”

 

“We’re all different,” Mari pointed out.

 

Akio stared at the screens that monitored the hallways, watching Yuuri and Victor enter their apartment with Makka on a lead.  Four guards scattered, two going into their own apartment for break, the other two patrolling the building. Ashley followed not far behind moving into her own apartment.  On another phone, he tapped out a message to the two guards assigned to keep eyes on Phichit and received an all-clear in return. He was grateful for the relative silence but sorry that it came at the cost of Mari’s world.

 

Returning to the call, he said quietly, “Yuuri...he’s not so different from you and Katsuki-soma as you’d think.  He just has a higher moral compass, he doesn’t want to see his actions hurt anyone. Before I would have thought him incapable of hurting anyone, regardless of how dangerous they were.  But now...I think...if it were Victor or his mother, he could kill.”

 

Mari finished what Akio was thinking without missing a beat.  “We all could kill for Okaasan...even Otousan.”

 

* * *

  
  


Yuuri sat in the apartment listening to sound the shower running down the hall.  Pulling out the phone, he made the call directly to Lilia. Her voice sounded worried as she answered after the first ring, “Da?  Is everything okay?”

 

“It is...and it isn’t.  Victor is fine, but a hit was put out on my mother,” Yuuri stated without preamble.  Yuuri heard her reaction and was fairly certain the words were Russian expletives. “No one was hurt and it was dealt with but there is another one of Mikhail’s people out there and it makes me wonder what’s coming my way.”

 

Her voice lost the clipped control he usually associated with the former prima.  She sounded...tired. “It’s hell here as well. The others are safe in Moscow. They just confirmed arriving.”

 

His eye opened wide, “You’re still in St. Petersburg?”

 

“Someone’s got to run the troops.  What do you need, Yuuri?”

 

The cool calm returned to her voice instantly and Yuuri found himself thinking of the woman fighting alone in St. Petersburg against the most ruthless thug to claim the Bratva in generations.   _ Whatever you were in your past, you were and always will be a soldier.  Is that why Yura admires you so?  _ “I…”  Yuuri sighed.  How could he ask for men when she’s got a war to fight?  “I need to figure out how to maintain Victor’s safety. With the attack in Hasetsu my family can’t risk having too many people leave Japan.  I have six men here and two more on their way from my grandfather. Then there are the Americans...but I worry we are understaffed.”

 

He could hear her making quick calculations under her breath, numbers coming out in Russian before she returned to him.  “I have six men here I can send as well. Vitya knows them as do your guard. They will be on the next plane out.”

 

He wanted to turn her down, but where Victor’s safety was involved he just couldn’t.  “Are you sure you can spare them?”

 

“Da.  I’ve got men.  Don’t worry.” She paused and a softness appeared in her voice.  “I need to make sure our Vitya is safe. He may be the ice prince but he’s not made for this violence.”

 

“There was a time when I thought the same about myself,” Yuuri murmured quietly.  As he disconnected, he looked down the hall. The shower had stopped but Victor didn’t return to him.

 

* * *

  
  
  


Victor crawled across the bed, pulling the blankets back and then pulling his knees to his chin wrinkling his nose.  He wanted to settle into the comfort of this room, the softness of the bed. But there was a smell...familiar...then his brain recalled it and a shudder ran over him.  Hearing steps approach from the hallway, he called out, “Yuuri, did you open that herb your mother gathered? The one the doctor is working with me during therapy?”

 

Yuuri poked his head in from the hallway with his eyebrow furrowed.  “No, Vitya. Why?”

 

Victor breathed deeply, at first doubting himself but then, catching the scent, he wrinkled his nose more.  “It’s here. I smell it. I’m so glad I’ve gone into therapy for it.” He rose from the bed, eyeing the room.  The odor no longer instilling fear but, instead, compelling him to action.

 

Yuuri entered in the room, also casting a glance about, “Do you think Makka found it and put it on the bed?”

 

Victor’s eyes widened.  “What if she ate it?”

 

Yuuri approached Victor with a calming hand.  “Let’s look it up.”

 

Victor drew a steadying breath before pulling out his phone.  A quick search revealed that in the herbal form not only was it not harmful but in small doses like they had it was  [ helpful ](https://www.natural-dog-health-remedies.com/calendula-benefits.html) .  “At least if she got into it, she should be okay but we’ll ask Ashley to be extra safe,” Victor stated in relief.

 

Victor could tell that the source was near the bed.  They proceeded to dig around in the covers. Pulling Hiroko’s quilt back, they both frowned at finding nothing and continued looking.  It wasn’t until they freed the sheet that they found a small pot tucked above the mattress beneath the pillow.

 

With a mixture of discomfort and disgust Yuuri eyed the salve, “That’s weird.  How did it get there?” His lips twisted in confusion.

 

Victor’s hands shook as he lifted the herbal ointment.  He blinked and Yuuri could hear his breathing becoming more rapid.  “Yuuri, this isn’t what your mother sent with me. She sent me the whole herb.  Th-this is it...the salve that he would use after he hurt me. I d-didn’t think I packed it.  I didn’t think I had any. I wouldn’t have wanted to bring it...”

 

Yuuri didn’t like the sound of that.  He pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to Akio.  Out loud he asked to himself, “How could anyone get past the guard?”

 

Victor’s voice was shaken but strong, “Do you think it was the one that ran through the woods?”

 

“It...could be?  We haven’t found him.”  He took Victor’s hand and pulled him free of the bedroom, guiding him into the main living space.  A knock on the door brought Akio into the room. Yuuri quickly motioned for the man to follow them.  “Vitya, are you okay?” he asked as they led the head guard back to their room.

 

“I kind of have to be,” Victor confirmed with a determined set of his chin.  He was struggling, but that was the good of it. The struggle meant he was still in control, not slipping to fear.  “I refuse to give any ground to him.”

 

Once back in the room, Akio surveyed the space thoughtfully.  The room held a bank of larger windows facing a park across the street.  However a street lamp had been out for weeks, Akio considered the view from the window and into the window from the cover of trees and shadows  before pulling the curtains shut. “In case they’re watching.” He moved about the room looking for signs of disturbance. His eyes sharp to any minor adjustment of furniture.  He stopped short, finding displacement in the thin layer of dust. “Have you moved these boxes lately?”

 

They both looked over to see the jewelry box and another that held letters and other treasures, a replacement for the one that was burned.  Both shook their head. “I took the lids off to get to the objects inside but I haven’t moved them,” Victor added with a frown.

 

Akio considered the words.   _ It could be nothing, perhaps when he took the lid off he moved the boxes slightly.  However,  _ “I’m planting two guards in the hall when you are gone,” Akio determined with a grim line to his lips.

 

“Two?  Won’t that lessen the personal guard on us?” Victor asked.

 

Yuuri put a hand on his shoulder, “We are pulling resources from St. Petersburg.  It was confirmed earlier by Madame Lilia. She’s sending the men you knew from her home.”

 

Victor shook his head.  “That takes away from them!” he protested.

 

Akio leveled his gaze onto the younger man.  “Madame Lilia knows her business. Likely, she has already replaced them.  They are on the way. And apparently just in time.”

 

“Until they arrive?” Yuuri pressed, his eyebrows narrowed with concern.

 

“We’ll utilize our American resources more.  I’ll call a meeting and reset the guard protocols with attention to this building’s security.  I want the two of you to remain inside until I have this sorted out.” His eyes grazed over the room.  “I don’t like this, Yuuri-san. Mari-san won’t like it either.”

 

Yuuri pulled Victor into his arms and held him close.  “We’ll keep close until you give the okay.”

 

They watched the guard leave the apartment throwing all three of the visible locks and the two hidden within the door’s frame.  Yuuri sent a message to Phichit, warning him to text when he comes to the door. They were on lockdown. He then moved about the apartment checking the windows.  It should not be accessible from that route but one couldn’t be too careful. He then followed the guard’s action and closed all of the blinds and drapes.

 

Victor watched, his eyes wide with fear.  Every close of each drape, every scrape of the locks set him more on edge.  The young man focused on regulating his breathing.  _  I refuse to give into fear. _  But it was becoming more difficult as the moments ticked by.  Then he felt warmth of Yuuri’s arms wrapping around him, strong and sure.

 

“I’ve got you,” he whispered.  “They’ve made a move while we were gone.  Not while we are here. Not while we are under guard.  It’s okay, Vitya.”

 

“It...doesn’t feel okay, Yuu-tan.”  He lifted his eyes, questions dancing in their depths.  “They were here, in our space, touching our things.”

 

“I know,” Yuuri whispered holding him close.

 

* * *

  
  


Akio stood before the guards, the reorganization complete for now but he knew this would be updated and changed often.  That was the safest of their options. Whoever this was had figured out their schedule. If routine was their weakness, change would be their strength.  As the Americans left to walk their patrols, the Yakuza guard remained. Kimiko frowned obviously unhappy. “I know the principals are our primary concern but it still pisses me off they managed to break in.”

 

Azumi grunted.  “He’s playing games.  Fucking with our Victor-san.”

 

“And us by extension,” Akio stated grimly.

 

Shinoba remained quiet as he considered the weaknesses of the building.  His eyes tracked over the camera angles from the hallway. Then he spotted it.  A glitch. “I’m going to talk this over with Phichit. I think our prowler found a back door into the cameras.  So they are computer savvy.”

 

Akio’s phone vibrated and he looked to see the texts come through from both Ryoka and Takeo.  He sighed as he learned another potential threat had been closed. “Fire escapes are secure.”

 

“Do you think that’s how they got in?” Kimiko asked.  Her fingers were drumming against the surface of the counter knitting her brow.

 

“I think they came through the front door to be honest and acted like they belonged,” Akio stated.  “They likely dressed to fit in. Something nondescript. Like housekeeping or janitorial. Walked right past all of us because we were looking for threats not staff.”

 

Azumi jumped up at that.  “I’ll check maintenance logs.”

 

Akio didn’t bother to tell him it would be pointless.  They all felt like they failed the little Russian and Azumi’s enthusiasm only spoke to the guilt consuming them as a result.  Now they had to deal with the fallout and hope that within the small body was an enormous spirit. At least for now he was safe.

 

* * *

  
  


Back in the quiet apartment, Yuuri tucked the covers around Victor, Makkachin dutifully curling up in front of the young man, accepting his snuggles.  Too much nervous energy kept the older man from settling. Returning to the living room, he pulled out his computer running checks in their security protocols, desperate to find anything to explain the break in and prevent it from happening again.  His phone vibrated, text messages from both the man himself and two guards at the building alerted him to Phichit’s return. He smiled. The diligence had stepped up at least. He walked over and tripped the locks admitting the Thai man. Yuuri had to admit the relief he felt was more than merely knowing Phichit was safe; when Yuuri needed him most, Phichit was right on time.

 

“I’m here.  Shinoba said we need to check the security on the cameras.  He thinks someone found a back door into the software.” Phichit came in.  Not missing a beat, he went straight for his work station, dropping his bag on the floor, his own work forgotten.

 

Yuuri smiled at his friend, ever the soldier.  “So whoever it is knows their way around a computer,” Yuuri surmised.

 

Phichit nodded.  “I’ll put on some tea.”  Jumping up, he crossed the floor while the computer came alive.

 

Over the next three hours, the two men retraced all of their movements since leaving Russia, exploring all the security images from campus, following Victor’s every step looking for familiar faces in crowds.  If there was a trace following the beautiful man sleeping in the next room, they were a ghost hiding in plain sight. Tightening security algorithms and testing protocols, Yuuri shoved his hands through his hair pushing back his computer in exhaustion.  “I think...I need to sleep.”

 

“Go.  I’m going to trace through the system one more time.”

 

Yuuri frowned for a moment before he stated, “Pull out Betsy.  See if you can hack it.”

 

Betsy was built by the two of them one summer and was a hacker’s dream.  It didn’t connect to their home network but rather hacked into an external feed and let them bore their way into a system.  Yuuri made himself stay awake another hour as Phichit ran through the servers in the building. One by one, he found the weaknesses calling them out to Yuuri who closed them off.  Finally, they both felt like they could sleep for the night.

 

Yuuri leaned back in his chair.  Phichit eyed his friend, the exhaustion wearing on him heavily.  While Yuuri was a notorious night-owl it was clear it wasn’t the hours but the stress was getting to him.  “Hit the sheets. I’ve got this.”

 

“No.  Let’s go through…”

 

Phichit held up a hand, “You transposed three codes in that last run.  You’re dead on your feet. Go to sleep. Besides, there’s something that has been driving me crazy for a while.  Get some rest, I’ll call you if anything turns up.”

 

Yuuri frowned, craning his neck to look down the hall, “...if you’re sure.”

 

“I’m certain.”  Phichit watched his friend rise unsteadily and head off.

 

Entering their bedroom, Yuuri rested his eyes on his lover.  In sleep, the hard lines of fear and memory fell away and Yuuri could see the innocence from before.   _ You deserve so much better than this.  _  He closed his eyes and heard his sister’s voice.   _ Then give it to him. _

 

“I’m trying…”

 

Down the hall Phichit called up his schedule.  Being switched from a day to night class wasn’t that unusual with the overcrowding the small college was experiencing lately.  However, being switched that late into the semester out of a class that wasn’t full was very odd. It didn’t bother him at the time and it was already fixed with a call from his professor, but it was worth looking into now.

 

Running the quick log in he was able to open the coding of the program easily, then open into the master login screen and access the registrar’s status.  Careful not a disturb anything he checked the login time on the change of class.

 

Phichit frowned at the screen, “Shit.”  Either the registrar liked to come back to campus and do her job at 1:13 in the morning or their ghost was very good.  He frowned as he considered the time, the implication. “Were they trying to get him alone? If both Yuuri and I have an evening class on Wednesday…”

 

He rose to call Yuuri back when he heard the door click shut.  He sunk back into his chair.  _ Let the man have what little sleep he could get. _  Phichit tapped his lips thinking.  This person knew the campus, knew the layout.  The registrar’s office had been moved over the summer from the main administration building into the library because of the roof.  There were still students getting lost.

 

His eyes widened.  Calling up the security footage again, he realized that they were looking all over campus when they really needed to focus on one place.  _  The library. _


	51. Once upon a dream…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone new shows up in Hasetsu and someone tries to shatter Victor's dream...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, BluSkates and Magrathea, for getting right on this one.
> 
> For the rest of you, my plan is to write this one straight through to the end. It's my first JuNoWriMo project. However, the posting schedule will be dependent on my cohort, BluSkates, and she's wrapping up her school year. Therefore, the goal is a weekly post but it may have delays. Sometimes adjustments have to be made when I see what goes on in her wonderfully demented head. But regardless, I'm back, I'm writing, and all is good in my world once more.

* * *

 

[ Once upon a dream… ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8waJ7W3QcJc)

 

**Hasetsu, Japan**

 

_ Yun _ .  That was the only name he carried from his childhood.  He left behind the family name that belonged to people who were little more than strangers to him.  As a child he learned the hard, fast lesson that there was no one to trust beyond himself, and that lesson soon became religion to the man.  The streets of Korea showed no mercy to him, and this carried into his adulthood, ultimately into his career of choice. Anonymity worked in his favor.  He had no papers, no name beyond a stolen nickname, and no connections. As far as the world was concerned, he didn’t exist. He took his jobs with as little emotion as had been given.  It was business, a means to an end.

 

Normally he was in and out before anyone caught wind of him.  That’s how he liked to run jobs. They were bloody, violent, and quickly executed.  However, this job felt different. Something was off. It’s not like he hadn’t killed someone’s mother before.  That wasn’t an issue. His own mother gave him little enough care that he didn’t bat an eye at that aspect. It was the one handing out the assignment.  He could tell the man ordering her death was emotionally tied to this woman. There was no business or logic to his employer, only pure hatred. He hated emotional jobs.  When emotions tangled up with business, all hell could break loose.

 

As he surveyed the surroundings once more, looking for a way into the town, he realized this mark wasn’t an ordinary mark.  This older woman went nowhere without a shadow guard. Two out in plain sight, another two hidden well...which meant there were four more that he didn’t even see.  She was protected like a high ranking official. Every path into town had guards, some visible like on the roadways checking papers before they pass into the perimeter, and others in the trees watching those that came near, their scopes trained on them.  Hiking through the woods proved impassable as well. Unseen from the roads, a fence wrapped around the town with cameras and powered up with electricity. He knew how to bypass an electric fence. But this one had fail-safes built into it.

 

_ I should have made the first move.  If the clod of a Russian could get in, I would have been able to easily.  _  But Yun was thorough and had done his homework well.  His lack of impulsivity cost him the advantage. Now the ranks were tightened.

 

Another scope trained on him and he huffed.  Yet another pathway into town cut off. Maybe by sea...

 

* * *

  
  


**Detroit, Michigan**

 

Yuuri watched Victor stretch his form, arching his back into the Ina Bauer showing the beautiful curve of his spine and neck.  Across the ice, Yuuri couldn’t help his mind remembering how that back arched for quite another reason the previous night. The smile and blush did not go unnoticed as Phichit skated by waggling his eyebrows.

 

With a guilty sigh, he returned to his own practice, his own routine.  Victor wouldn’t let Yuuri make it easy for him and Yuuri knew Victor could easily take the lead and hold it during the Grand Prix competition if he gave any room at all.  Taking the lead from Yuuri would be amazing and that triumphant glint in Victor’s eye would shine all night. But the minute the silver haired man suspected Yuuri had not put his all into his performance, or every practice session leading up to it, his lips would turn down and the fire in his eyes would dim.  It was that thought that forced Yuuri through his step sequence, the one section he knew he could steal the most points from Victor.

 

Yuuri pushed hard through practice but his focus wasn’t one hundred percent, an eye slipping to watch Victor whenever it had a chance.  Ciao Ciao had to redirect his attention constantly, something the coach was not used to. Huffing, Yuuri was just as irritated with himself as his coach.  He knew he was disappointing the Italian man, who had taken to calling Yuuri his workhorse, but something larger than competitions, and even his own anxiety, pressed on Yuuri.  _  I just want you to be safe and to show the world how beautiful you are without the complications of Volkov.   _ At the thought of that monster’s name Yuuri’s thoughts wandered to the man, still trying to reach out from Russia.   _ What are you doing?  What’s your next move? _

 

* * *

  
  


That night, he pulled out his favorite laptop for his  _ work _ .  He began digging through public sources through which he was able to to dig under the edges.  Following a trail into a rabbit hole of information. He stopped for a moment, making sure that he had privacy and time for a more detailed search.  Phichit was out with Devryn and a few others. Victor was curled up in the oversized chair with Makkachin and looking over, Yuuri could see him napping.

 

The silver hair fell over an eye, the fringe of the bang just tickling his nose and with each gentle inhale he could see little motions in the face as the hair brushed lightly on his skin.  Studying the man, Yuuri felt his love and admiration for Victor.  _ How do I keep you safe? _

 

He skirted around the firewall and then he couldn’t help the elation, struggling to remain silent.  Volkov’s organizational financials were laid out with the precision of an obsessive compulsive sociopathic accountant.  Weaknesses were covered but to a trained eye, the losses revealed themselves immediately. He quickly made notes sending the information encrypted to both Lilia and Sofu.  There was a definite lack of solvency in that organization, more cracks in the wall, each growing. If the structure of the Bratva wasn’t crumbling, the money hemorrhaging would create chaos.   _ Let’s see what Lilia can do with it. _

  
  


* * *

 

**Hasetsu, Japan**

 

Riku frowned at the incoming reports on radio.  The Korean man they had noticed approximately two weeks ago had been testing the perimeter again.  “He’ll be back. He’s been spotted at multiple checkpoints. Next time, bring him in for questioning.”

 

“Do you think he’s the second assassin?” the tinny voice asked from over the hand radio.

 

Riku raised an eyebrow with a huff.  “Do you want to risk otherwise?”

 

“No sir,” the man responded quickly.  He relayed the order over the wires and received affirmatives from all locations.  The captured image was sent to all in case someone hadn’t seen the man.

 

Riku hurried to the main house to make the report to Katsuki-soma and Mari-san.  The daughter listened with her usual stone-faced calm, which concealed the enraged frustration she felt.  She inhaled, and cast a glance at her grandfather. The older man nodded, deferring to her decision. “We’ll keep the swan in the cage,” Mari responded over her earpiece.  

 

The old man grunted as he considered the possibilities.  “Bring him here once he’s detained.”

 

* * *

  
  


The slope was steep as Yun made his way along the slippery rocks.  Edging around the precarious position, he was certain he found a way inside.  The fence didn’t extend to this cliff. The water beneath should be deterrent enough.  However, Yun knew how to traverse these treacherous rocks securing his hold into the cracks, using his hands and feet to grip into the spaces and pull himself further along the surface.

 

Yun had crossed into the town’s territory, leaving only the slow climb up a cliff face.  Pulling and straining he slowly approached the summit. Hooking a hand onto the solid earth of the plateau, he looked up just as a hand reached down to pull him up.  “Let me help you out.”

 

The Korean closed his eyes, an expletive slipping through his lips in a hiss, and considered just letting go. However, that choice was denied him as another hand firmly closed around his wrist and soon he was hauled up to face his captors.  They had him disarmed before his feet even found the ground. “I don’t suppose we could walk away from this,” he quipped. The humourless men facing him were grim in their silence. One, the leader, raised an eyebrow in disbelief, this told him his answer before two pairs of hands roughly guided him into a black SUV.   _ This isn’t going to go well. _

 

He could hear one end of the conversation on the earpieces and knew enough Japanese to know he was being taken to the boss.  He cursed the man who tasked him this job. The death of such a seemingly inconsequential woman came with risks that were never mentioned, nor paid for.  He could see that this was no ordinary mark, and his employer knew it. It was a failed mission before it even began. Messy work when emotions became involved.  Taking in the grim faces, he knew the likelihood of getting out alive was slim.

 

They firmly guided him into the room, his hands bound behind him with zip ties.  He kept his expression unreadable while he assessed the room. A man, likely the boss, sat before a low lying table, tea laid out.  A younger woman stood behind him, hair a mass of curls held back by a black scarf, her manner of dress similar to the guards but Yun could sense a familiarity between the old man and the woman.  Second, perhaps. If she was merely a lover, she’d not be included in these negotiations. Yun smirked inwardly. As if there would be any negotiating.

 

One of the guards stepped forward.  “You’ve been working the perimeter of this town,” his captor began.  Yun didn’t spare him a glance, holding the old man’s gaze. “Perhaps you’d like to tell us your business.”

 

Yun remained quiet, studying his opponents.  He wasn’t the most eloquent. Especially in Japanese.  Could he talk his way out of it? 

 

From his side he felt the blow land on his jaw, supplied by one of the guards who had brought him in.  “Answer when you’re spoken to.”

 

He spared a side-eyed glance to the other two men.  Riku, he’d overheard that name on the drive in, seemed to be in charge of the security.  The man before him, Katsuki, was the head of the territory. Yakuza, some say...but he’s powerful in any regard.  The woman. Who was she? Her features didn’t favor the old man but that didn’t always mean much. She could have taken after the grandmother.

 

When Yun opened his mouth to speak, he wasn’t sure what he’d say.  Something. Anything to buy time. “It’s a contract job...although, frankly, I’m quickly losing interest in it.”

 

“Who hired you?” the woman directed.  Her voice was commanding and that interested Yun.  He had no tolerance for weak women.

 

_ She knows who hired me.  She wants to know how close I am to him. _  Yun quickly assessed how to play this to his advantage.  “Some Russian nutjob...although I wasn’t aware of his instability when I took the job.”

 

“Why did you continue it?” Riku pressed.

 

Yun laughed bitterly.  “Integrity. No one has pride in their work these days.”

 

Her glare told him he had taken a misstep.  When she turned, the profile, he saw the similarity between this woman and his mark.  His hopes fell. “Give us a name,” the woman stated although he could tell she already knew.  He’d just confirm her suspicions.

 

“Mikhail Volkov,” he replied without an ounce of loyalty.  His life was forfeit as it was, and this woman was only looking to confirm what she already knew.  Perhaps this will bring down the crazy bastard that put him in this situation.

 

The old man held his eyes.  Finally he spoke. “You should choose your employers with greater care.”  With a sharp movement from the old man, Yun felt himself being hoisted to his feet by his captors.   _ This was it.  A violent life always has a violent end _ .

 

“How would you like us to dispose of this garbage, sir?” Riku inquired.

 

The old man thinned his lips.  “Our other delivery should have arrived by now.  Send a smaller package to Volkov and then the rest...to Takehiko and Tora.  Make sure they share.”

 

Yun faced his fate with all of the dignity he could muster and was given the mercy of a quick death with a slice across the jugular.  As the blade slid across the flesh of his neck, connecting with the artery, he caught a glimpse of the tiger sharks the old man named lovingly.   _ May my fate be visited on you tenfold, Volkov, _ was his final thought even as he felt his life drain from his body.

 

* * *

  
  


**Detroit, Michigan**

 

With the report of the second attempt against Hiroko, their guard tightened even more, reducing their movements to classes and the rink, which fortunately had a connected gym.  Victor, unconcerned for himself, wanted to call home and talk to his adopted mother, make sure she was okay. Yuuri told him softly that she didn’t know about the second one and they wanted to keep it that way.  Victor nodded his understanding before they connected the call.

 

“Vicchan!  Yuuri! How are you?” she greeted cheerily.  “I finally got rid of those stuffy guards in my kitchen.  I knew if I held out long enough they’d leave.”

 

Neither boy felt inclined to correct her.  They were just happy to hear her cheerful voice and know that she was safe and back to bossing around her kitchen, blissfully unaware that there was such evil in the world.  Victor leaned into the mic and asked, “How are you...and everyone?”

 

“I’m fine, dear.  All of us are.” If she caught his slip, she made no sign of her suspicion.  “Are you getting ready for your next competition?”

 

Victor nodded before answering, “Yes.  We have been practicing almost every day.  We leave before long. I’m just nervous.”

 

The old woman laughed warmly.  “Don’t worry, Vicchan. You have my Yuuri looking after you.  He won’t let anything happen to you.”

 

Victor glanced over his shoulder to his boyfriend.  “I don’t want...anything to happen to anyone.”

 

“Then listen to my son and that guard that always hangs around here...Akio.”

 

Yuuri fought hard to hide his amusement.  He always suspected his parents knew about Mari and Akio.  “We’ll be fine, Okaasan,” he murmured leaning into Victor.

 

“So formal!  That’s fine. You both win...then come home for some katsudon.”  To Victor’s side, Yuuri smiled and looked off the screen. He touched his forehead wondering how it was that his sport was still a mystery to his mother.  Victor smiled at his boyfriend, feeling the exasperation.

 

Yuuri and Victor laughed.  Of course katsudon cured all ills.  “We will,” Victor concluded softly.

 

* * *

  
  


Victor looked over the assignments he would have to work through on his own.  Independent study wasn’t a problem. Taken out of high school for his own safety had drilled that into him.  At least with Yuuri by his side, he wouldn’t feel the loneliness of his younger days.  _ Had it really not been that long ago? _

 

Victor frowned as he scanned through his syllabus.  He had gathered the mandatory texts earlier, but a quick glance let him know he was one short.   _ Where is that book?   _ He began shuffling through his desk, the spaces around his chair, and the shelf.  Wandering into the living room, Victor tapped his lips as he looked through their piles of belongings.  Yuuri’s eyes lifting from his computer to watch him. Turning to the curious gaze, he laughed in frustration.  “I lost one of my books.”

 

“You were reading in bed the other night.  Perhaps it’s in that pile in the corner,” Yuuri suggested.

 

Victor nodded, trailing back to the bedroom.  Makkachin was stretched out across the mattress and looked up as Victor entered the room, tail thumping the sheet expectantly.  Victor glanced over the room.  __ His time with Mikhail had forced him into a neat freak, and while he wasn’t naturally a messy person the comfort he enjoyed with Yuuri had allowed his books to start migrating out of their spots, forming small piles throughout the apartment.   _ I really need to come back through and clean.  We didn’t even make the bed this morning.  _  Turning back to the pile, he knelt down and thumbed across the spines but then huffed in frustration.

 

Sitting on the side of his bed, he tapped his lip thoughtfully.   _ When did I last have it?  _  Then he remembered the library.  Going back into the study, he dragged out the  [ backpack  ](https://www.coach.com/coach-campus-backpack-with-varsity-stripe/54205.html?dwvar_color=QBFD2&src=googleshopping&cid=S_GPLA54205_campaignid=1057181250&gclid=Cj0KCQjwl7nYBRCwARIsAL7O7dFc8gwuKueabKnGr9ZAsRAYppoCBGACtUHUsQEoY1GH-2Emw0bHEQ0aAmp0EALw_wcB) that he carried to class.  His hands slid over the leather surface, a prop he got to keep from a previous photoshoot, taking advantage of him being a young man on campus.  Pulling the zipper, he frowned at the mess of books. He began to empty it, organizing as he went.

 

Reaching in for one more book, he smiled gleefully as he found the one he was seeking but then something else caught his eye.  “Well, might as well get this bag organized completely while I’m at it.” He reached for the book that had fallen to the bottom not noticing what it was until it cleared the bag.  Then he yelped, dropping the book as if it were on fire.

 

He heard quick footsteps and soon Yuuri rounded the corner finding him staring at the book on the floor.  As Yuuri settled in next to him, Victor looked up in fear. “I-it’s one of the  _ gifts  _ he sent me after I left him.  But I-I threw it away, back in Russia.”

 

Yuuri reached down to pick up the book thumbing through the opening pages.  It was marked up with a number of notes in Russian. Victor’s eyes widened even more.  “Th-that’s his handwriting, Y-yuuri,” he gasped, panic taking hold. “H-he is here.”

 

With soothing words, Yuuri worked to settle him.  “Shhh,” Yuuri whispered, soothing Victor with his touch.  “He hasn’t left Russia. There are eyes on him. We’ll have this analyzed by one of the men Lilia sent, okay?”  He ran his hand up and down Victor’s back whispering words to guide him through his breathing. “In...out...trust us...we’ve got you.”

 

Victor nodded, his head tucking under Yuuri’s chin, his arms clinging to the older man.

 

Yuuri held onto the trembling body as he made a call to Akio.  The guard came immediately and the book was taken from Victor’s presence.  Yuuri helped Victor to his feet and guided him back to the chair reaching for the afghan and tucking it around them, kisses brushing into his silver hair.  With a tap of his hand on his hip, Makkachin joined them and the three of them stayed tucked in until Victor’s body relaxed against Yuuri. The even breathing told Yuuri he was asleep and the older man knew the exhaustion that set in after a panic.  But he also knew Victor. They were in for a restless night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, wow! So much happening! And what is going to happen in St. Petersburg? I hope you are reading both mine and [BluSkates](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13205118/chapters/30206454) tale to get the full picture...


	52. Whatever it takes...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A disturbing book, a Wolf, a Bear, an Eagle, and a Hawk...what a chapter!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back to this one! It's written out but I wanted to see what BluSkates had up her sleeve. And she has something coming down the pike so keep your eyes peeled for some more Sense and Sensibility. Meanwhile, let's do some catching up. I left you with Sleeping Beauty in the backpack.

* * *

 

[ Whatever it takes... ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_r79_yMf6IU)

  
  


**Detroit, MI**

 

While Victor slept in their bedroom, Yuuri listened to the report from his head of security.  The two men stood in the kitchen, keeping their voices low. “Based on the location of the book along with other clues, we believe the agent may be located in the library.”

 

Yuuri inhaled slowly, having his own suspicions confirmed by Akio’s.  “Well, the changes to Phichit’s schedule came from a computer in that area.  Victor said he hadn’t emptied the bag in some time.”

 

“Yes, sir.  I think it’s been a few days since he or she has gotten near him.  We’ve been reviewing the security video Phichit obtained for us. Victor studied in various locations but he was fairly consistent.  However, there was a day in the mix where a disturbance took place. I remember it because when Kimiko rushed Victor out in the hurry, Victor had left behind his  [ knapsack ](https://www.fjallraven.us/collections/bags/products/kanken-15-laptop-backpack) .  Someone else was sent to retrieve it later, but didn’t notice anything wrong with it.”

 

“Perfect opportunity.” Yuuri ran through possibilities in his head.  “So you don’t think it was when they broke into the apartment?”

 

Akio shook his head, “No, I don’t.  The mark wanted to send the message they can get to him at any time.  Watching the feed, we think it’s an older woman.”

 

“Someone who’d blend in like staff,” Yuuri surmised.

 

“Exactly.  We’ll continue to keep Victor away from the library.  If he needs something, there are plenty here to send someone.”  Akio stretched his back, sighing at a snagged muscle.

 

Yuuri grimaced.  “Sleeping conditions getting cramped?”

 

Raising to full height, the taller man straightened his back and expression.  “We’re professionals...and some are rooming with the Americans,” Akio assured him.

 

The security chief left as Victor wandered down the hall, sleepy and holding onto a bunny.  Yuuri smiled at the sight of the old patchwork rabbit tucked into the slim chest and cuddled under the pointy chin.  “Patches keeping you company?”

 

Victor looked down as if just realizing he held the rabbit.  “Oh...umm...I’m just a little off this morning.”

 

Opening his arms from his place on the stool, he invited Victor into his embrace.  The younger man buried himself into them. “Did someone get into the apartment again?” he whispered and Yuuri could feel the tremble that went with the question.

 

“Akio thinks it was when you were in the school’s library,” Yuuri informed the younger man, his voice gentle but steady..

 

Victor frowned, uncertain and shaken.  “Maybe...we should have stayed in Hasetsu.”

 

He ran a hand down the silver hair, “We just need to shake up our schedule, Vitya...make it less predictable, trade out guards at random intervals, and use a decoy.  One of the men from Russia has a similar look to yours. He’s getting his haircut and colored to match yours. With a similar wardrobe, we can work to throw off the agent and keep them confused.”

 

Victor nodded as he listened to the plan.  “But my classes…”

 

“Our classes may be regularly scheduled but our approach can vary.”

 

Victor sighed taking in the information.  Finally, he thinned his lips and straightened in determination.  If Yuuri was going to work this hard to keep him safe, then he refused to hide...unless Akio or Yuuri told him to.

 

* * *

  
  


**Helsinki, Finland**

 

Katsuki Takehiko stepped off of his private plane at the equally private airstrip outside Helsinki.  The Tokyo office protested him handling this matter on his own but he pointed out in no uncertain terms that he was still the head of this family and  _ he  _ would handle negotiations with St. Petersburg.  Their response was to send him with an army of bodyguards and his least favorite nephew as an assistant.

 

The elderly man grimaced looking over at the younger man, thinking of the constant disappointment he felt whenever he was near.  “Kaito, why don’t you go to the hotel and make sure we are checked in?” he directed.

 

His nephew looked up from his in confusion, taking a few minutes to process what his uncle had said.  “I was to accompany you to the meetings, Katsuki-soma.”

 

The old man frowned in irritation but then smoothed his face.  “I don’t see how that is necessary. I need you to work with security to secure our rooms.”

 

Kaito shifted back and forth on his heels.  He was only two years younger than Mari, but not nearly as adept at handling more difficult matters.  What the men back in Tokyo thought this young pup could do was beyond the old man. Finally the nephew nodded, manners forcing him to agree to the old man.

 

“Touma,” Takehiko addressed his personal bodyguard and the security chief for this trip.  “I am to meet with Madame Baranovskaya in just over an hour. Secure our transportation and prepare our route.”

 

“Of course, sir.”  The experienced guard began sending orders to the others in his command through the earpieces they all wore.  Soon Katsuki was surrounded by six men escorting him to an armored car. The driver, also one of Katsuki’s men, was already checking the vehicle over for anything unsafe or threatening.  Once the car was secured, Takehiko stepped into the vehicle and sat back, his briefcase and laptop placed within his reach. He pulled out his phone and checked messages. Their host Eatu Susi informed him that the boardroom was ready and at his disposal.  Other messages of business matters that he deferred to the Tokyo office. Then one text caught his eye, word from his grandson.

 

**Yuuri/ Sofu, I know you’re traveling but we’ve had another threat turn up here in Detroit.  No physical damage, just emotional harassment against Vitya but it has Volkov’s handwriting.**

 

The old man sighed as he sat back.  No matter what came out of this meeting,  _ Volkov will be dethroned _ .  As he considered his new alliance, one could say family given Yuuri and Victor’s connection, he smiled thoughtfully.  This Baranovsky heir was a spitfire but steady with a strength of mind not found in many people. He’d enjoy the connection.

 

He tapped a quick reply to his grandson on the highly sophisticated phone.  The young man made sure he was adept at the use of electronics and how to keep them secure.   _ Too bad he doesn’t want to be part of the business, _ he thought wistfully.   _ But Yuuri is a self-starter.  He needs his autonomy. _

 

They arrived at the building and he slipped his phone into his pocket.  Soon, he was out and surrounded by his bodyguards, all men, a show of force, although he didn’t underestimate the women that work for him, nor his granddaughter.  He also didn’t underestimate the force of a woman he was meeting.

 

He spotted Eatu Susi approaching from the elevator and his men parted to allow them to meet.  “Mr. Susi, I appreciate your indulgence in this matter.”

 

“I was led to believe this could lead to some favor from the St. Petersburg ports,” the other man greeted.  Blunt and to the point. That’s what Katsuki liked about him.

 

“If our dealings go as planned, I’m sure that can be arranged,” the old man hedged.

 

“Let me show you to the boardroom I’ve secured for you, my friend,” the businessman urged, guiding him to a private elevator.  They quickly rose to the upper floors and soon, Katsuki was taking in a view of the harbor and the Gulf of Finland from the bank of enormous windows gifted the impressive room.

 

This could be a beneficial agreement indeed.  He turned as the doors flew open and heels clipped across the marble floor.  Women don’t wear heels anymore, not the kind that this woman wore. Shoes of this era gave a woman a certain presence.  This woman knew how to take advantage of that presence, creating more than an aesthetic, an aura. He stepped forward holding his hand out in greeting.  “It is a pleasure to meet you face-to-face at last, Madame Baranovskaya.”

 

She smiled, an air of authority giving her a cold appearance to those who didn’t know her, answered, “I do believe we can be less formal.  We’ll be family before long. Call me Lilia,” she invited.

 

“Then you must call me Takehiko.  Your son already refers to me as Grandfather.”

 

A slight smile crossed her perfectly done lips at the mention of her beloved boy.  “He’s always been such a charmer, steals your heart before you realize it.”

 

Katsuki didn’t miss the tone in her voice.  She was a passionate woman, and this boy had taken her heart with his innocence easily.   _ She misses him more than she can admit to herself.   _ “Indeed.  He has certainly stolen my grandson’s heart.”

 

As the doors closed, they took their seats next to the window overlooking the bay.  “Shall we discuss this unfortunate matter that has brought us together?” she began. She brushed invisible specks from her skirt as she sat, Katsuki saw plainly her rage kept in check by the controlled motion.

 

“Of course.  It appears my grandson has uncovered a weakness in the enemy camp.”

 

She laughed bitterly.  “Money, or lack thereof, is such an obvious weakness.  They’ve been bleeding funds and haven’t even realized it.  No wonder the snake was able to to take charge so easily. It was the only way to keep from being found out.”

 

The older man was relieved to learn that the trouble of the Volkov Bratva was no secret to Russia, that spoke well for their next move.  “But he’s done nothing to repair the damage. My spies tell me he’s been focusing on trying to get to Victor-san and not taking care of business or putting in any effort at rebuilding their coffers.  How well positioned are your forces?”

 

“Primed and waiting for orders.  It should be an easy process to dethrone the self-appointed prince...and no one in the organization can hold it together long enough for it to congeal once again.  Most of his men have already left, those who are not out-and-out betraying him are staying clear of the organization. Evidently all of St. Petersburg can sense the war coming, except for Mikhail himself, and they are simply waiting for the dust to settle before pledging a new alliance.”  Her face grew dark, taking over the Bratva, installing her family into power was secondary to her real mission. “Getting to Mikhail himself will be the most difficult. He’s quite slippery.”

 

Katsuki nodded, already thinking ahead.  “If he gets away, I have men that are ready to sniff him out.”

 

He watched as she narrowed her eyes and looked as if she grew three inches taller in her chair.  “As do I...it appears that it will be a race as to who will take him out.”

 

_ A challenge?  Surely she knows I have a claim on his head.   _ “He made a personal attack on my family in my territory,” Katsuki pressed.

 

Lilia arched an eyebrow, it was then that he knew why people feared this small, thin woman.  She was a tigress waiting in a darkened cave, eyes shining out, teeth bared. Her cool voice chilled him.  “He raped my son. Kidnapped him. Tortured him.”

 

The old man sat back.  She not only had the prior claim but a far deeper claim.  “If my men recover him, they will hand him over for you to resolve.  I do not promise he will be in pristine condition.”

 

She laughed bitterly.  “As long as I get the killing blow.”  Sitting back, she looked to the door. “Do we have the support of the Wolf?”

 

“Susi just asks to have trade preference once the dust settles.”

 

Lilia smiled at the opportunistic man, knowing that his trade is good for both countries.  “Moscow hopes you will reopen the borders to Russia. As do we…”

 

Katsuki nodded to her, “As you said, we’re family…”

 

She drew herself up to her full height and nodded sharply.  “So we are...now let us see to the planning of this business.  Bring in the Wolf and I’ll call in the Bear. Let’s plan our strategy.”

 

Hours later, the other two allies having left them alone once more, Katsuki bid his farewell, “It’s been a pleasure, Madame Lilia.  I look forward to further business.”

 

“And if you learn anything new…”  She hated to sound desperate, but for her precious Vitya she would humble herself.

 

“You are in the line of communication,” the old man assured her.

 

* * *

  
  
  


**Detroit, MI**

 

With the public spaces off limits for the time being, Victor found himself retreating back to their apartment after classes.  He was able to handle the cabin fever for a few days, but the routine of class, rink, gym, home, repeat had him quickly growing restless.  Then Pavel renewed his invitation. “You can come home with me.”

 

There was more than a break with routine, a chance to hear Russian spoken again, to feel a tie to his culture again.  He was very tempted. “I...need to make sure it’s okay with Yuuri,” Victor agreed timidly.

 

Pavel thinned his lips but nodded.  “I understand. My mom...she’s just a mom.  My Papa...well, my stepfather...you have him as your teacher.  He’s just a British academic.”

 

Victor felt embarrassed that the friend had to point out that his family was not a threat sent from Russia under cover.  “I know...it’s just...so much has been happening.”

 

“I can’t imagine what it’s like walking in your shoes,” Pavel murmured softly.  “My time in Russia...it was nothing like yours.”

 

“I don’t want Yuuri to worry.”  Victor shifted. His safety was important, but there could be no worries in a household like Pavel’s.  “Maybe...tomorrow?”

 

The other boy brightened at the possibility.  “Text me if you can and I’ll let Mom know.”

 

Victor nodded with a warm smile and Pavel parted just as Devryn and Phichit walked up.  “What’s that about?” Phichit asked, nodding towards the retreating Russian.

 

“He invited me to come to his house.  His mom wants to meet me.” He suddenly felt guilty, as if he had been keeping secrets.

 

The Thai nodded as he kissed his teeth.  “It should be okay. Both Yuuri and I did a complete check on him and his family.  Just a regular Joe that happens to be from Russia.”

 

Victor chewed his lip, looking out from behind his fringe bangs.  “I told him I wanted to talk to Yuuri first. I don’t know if Yuuri would feel comfortable with me that far out of reach.”

 

Both Phichit and Devryn exchanged glances, frowning at that.  “You’re not a prisoner here,” Phichit pressed. “I hope you don’t feel that way.”

 

“I...don’t want Yuuri to worry.”

 

“True, but you shouldn’t retreat,” Devryn added.  “I’ve known Yuuri off and on for some time. Granted it was just brushing shoulders at the rink.  But...he doesn’t seem like the type to cut you off from people.”

 

“No, he’d encourage you to hold onto your autonomy,” Phichit pressed.  “Talk to him if it makes you feel better...but you shouldn’t feel as if you need his permission.”

 

The three walked towards the apartment talking with one another, Victor hugging both before retreating into the building, Devryn and Phichit parting ways to grab lunch at a nearby corner bistro.

 

* * *

  
  


Yuuri found Victor curled up on the sofa, a blanket over his lap and book in hand.  “Darling, I missed you,” he greeted leaning over the back of the sofa to drop a kiss on Victor’s lips.

 

Victor looked up to catch that kiss and smiled softly.  “I missed you, too. There’s lunch in the microwave.”

 

“Thank you.”  Yuuri quickly recovered the chicken noodle soup and soon settled next to Victor making  _ mmmm  _ sounds as he ate the prepared meal.  Victor smiled pleased. “So how was your day?”

 

Victor chewed on the corner of his lip.  “Pavel invited me to come over to his house again.  I was saying I was feeling a little pent up.”

 

Yuuri finished off his soup and set it on the table.  “It shouldn’t be a big deal. No different then hanging out at Devryn’s dorm room.  He does know that the guards go with you, doesn’t he?”

 

Victor nodded.  “I just thought I should talk to you about it first.  Then I thought I might go over for lunch and meet his mother.  She’s a fan, after all.”

 

Yuuri considered his own schedule, “Tomorrow’s my long day.  You could have Akio drive you both over then come to the rink after lunch.  Or...maybe go over for dinner since I have an evening class. That way you’re not home alone.”

 

“What about Ashley?”

 

“I’m sure she’d work around your schedule if you talk to her ahead of time.  Call Pavel and see which is better. I’ll get our skate gear.” Yuuri was up and down the hall leaving Victor staring at his phone.

 

_ Why is this so hard?  Making personal connections...one independent from Yuuri...one that is Russian?  It’s not that I hate my country. It’s not Russia’s fault I’m in this mess. _  He sighed and hugged his knees to his chest when Yuuri came back into the living room.

 

“What did he say?”

 

Victor looked up, chewing his lower lip.  “I-I haven’t called him yet.”

 

Yuuri set their bags by the door and gave Makkachin a good pat before coming from behind Victor and sliding his arms around him.  “Kind of hard to make friends if you don’t call them,” his boyfriend pointed out.

 

“Is that...what I’m doing?”

 

Yuuri nodded.  “I think so. But I think it’s good for you to have some friends of your own.  We share so much.” He pulled up and headed towards the kitchen to throw together a couple of snacks.  “Besides, you need someone to bitch to when I’m being an ass.”

 

“Yuuri, you’re not a...I don’t…”  He groaned in irritation but then picked up his phone and dialed the number.  “Hello, Pavel? I was wondering if I could come over Wednesday for lunch or would dinner be better?”

 

Victor and Pavel quickly settled on dinner with his mother talking in the background, the three of them fading into Russian.  As he disconnected, he turned to see Yuuri leaning over the counter, a warm smile on his lips.

 

“Well?”

 

Victor couldn’t help the smile on his lips, “Dinner...I guess I need to talk to Ashley.”

 

“She’ll be home when we get back from practice.  Let’s go!” They grabbed their bags and headed out the door.  “I packed a snack for Phichit. I don’t know if he had anything planned.”

 

“He was grabbing lunch with Devryn when they walked me back,” Victor supplied.

 

“They’re getting close,” Yuuri observed as he held the door open to their building.  A car was waiting for them and soon they were headed to the rink. “You know, having a social life reduces routine and makes you less predictable.  This is a good thing.”

 

Victor began to settle into the idea.  It was a good first step, “Just nothing crowded.”

 

Akio grunted in agreement and both Yuuri and Victor exchanged grins.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


As Victor climbed out at the address Pavel provided, he looked around at the neatly trimmed, single owner brownstone.  He went up to knock on the door and it was quickly opened to him. “Oh, hello Mrs. Nikolov?”

 

“Anderson,” she corrected, her accent soft.  “Although, you can call me Katya or Kitty.”

 

“One of my friend’s name is Katya,” Victor said with a smile.

 

She guided him in with a warm smile and a hand on his arm.  “Well, Americans seem to like shortening my name. I don’t know why Katarina is so difficult, but when in Rome…”

 

Pavel stood up and walked over to take his hand when they came into the living room.  “You came!”

 

“Of course I came,” Victor answered.  His eyes rested on the man sitting across the room.  “Professor Anderson,” he greeted.

 

“It’s Drew when we’re at home.  Come in and relax.” To his wife, he added, “Katya, darling, this young man is quite brilliant.”

 

“Well, I knew that,” she responded before adding, “But I didn’t think you’d seen him skate.”

 

Drew chuckled warmly.  “He has other talents as well.  Watching him analyze Russian literature is a dream.”

 

Victor glanced down shyly.  “I had to learn to study on my own.”

 

Drew patted him on the arm softly, “That’s okay...gives you more ownership for your learning.”

 

Soon Victor was encompassed into the household, the language switching easily between Russian and English.  Pavel’s mother declared, “I wanted to give you something warm and Russian, so that means stroganov in this family.”

 

Victor smiled happily, his mouth watering at the missed treat.  “I look forward to it.”

 

“Of course, you can’t find decent sour cream or mayonnaise in this country, so it’s not as good as it could be.”

 

“I noticed that as well!”  Victor sighed.  _ What could you do? _

 

Nine snuck up on them and Victor was reluctant to leave but he knew that he’d fade fast once ten hit.  Bidding his hosts goodbye, he met Akio on the stoop, who tucked him into the car. He watched out the window and frowned when he thought he saw a flash.

 

“Did you see that?” Victor noticed that Akio kept his eyes locked on the road, but did drive with enough skill that he could take glances at their surroundings.

 

Akio nodded.  “I’ve noticed a few flashes around you, they only seem to happen when you and Yuuri are seperated.  I’ve got men investigating it, but whoever is doing it is quick. Not like the one at the dog park.”

 

“What in the world do they want?  Do you think it’s...him?” Victor leaned forward to talk, Kimiko scooting over to accommodate the smaller body.

 

“I think it would be foolish to discount the possibility.”

 

Huffing, he leaned back.  “I just wish people would leave me alone.”

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


As time drew close for the skaters to leave for their first competition, Akio and a few of the others met with the boys to discuss strategies.  They were not staying with other competitors, and instead would have a hotel off site, renting out an entire floor. Of course, they had made reservations at the official hotel as well to throw off any trail.

 

Yuuri, Victor, and Phichit planned a roommate night the day before Yuuri and Victor were set leave for China.  Victor doted on his poodle and kept giving Phichit explicit directions for Makka’s care in his absence. Phichit parroted the directions with his own be-carefuls for the other two men.

 

As they prepared to leave the next morning, Victor lingered with his hugs to Makkachin and then Phichit jumped in and embraced the Russian.  “Stay aware,” he stated as he pulled back. “No getting lost in your daydreams.”

 

Victor nodded solemnly.  “I will. Thanks, Peach.”  Victor leaned in and gave him another hug before following the men downstairs.  It was a commercial flight, Sofu’s private plane tied up with business. The silver-haired man allowed himself to be led through the familiar process, which was only slightly more complicated with the added people to their party.

 

Once buckled in, he smiled as Yuuri pulled Patches out from his jacket.  He snuggled up to Yuuri, resting his head on the older man’s shoulder to sleep through the flight.

 

While Victor slept peacefully and Yuuri read over some papers for his class, the bunny stayed alert, watching those that would approach his charge.  The little glass eyes took in all of the others, flight attendants, other passengers, fans, all quickly discarded as harmless. But a few rows ahead, there was someone with an aura of malicious intent that held the rabbit’s attention.   _ Alina _ ...but she was out of reach.  Reaching out once more, his thoughts rested on another... _ Andrei! _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I may put up some daily chapters between here and friday...no guarantees over the weekend. But I hope to pick up at the start of the week once more. Because shit's going down left and right!


	53. Paparazzi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NHK and the press have to do their damage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much thanks for the edits, BluSkates and Magrathea...but I added a little more into it afterwards. Because. Reasons.
> 
> Anyway, things will be exciting. I suspect you know this. ;) So keep reading and I'll keep posting...as long as I'm getting the comments.

[ Paparazzi ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjOTvyzhEu8)

 

**NHK, Nagoya, Japan – 10/22-24/2010**

 

Victor slowly roused as the plane started to land, and once the seatbelt lights went off, the couple waited for the lines to wind down, disembarking last at Akio’s command.  Victor, happy to give himself more time to become aware as the rest of the passengers moved past him, gave Yuuri a sleepy smile watching as the older man stretched and yawned.

 

Finally, the crowds thinned and Victor frowned.  He leaned in to whisper to Yuuri, “That man up there seems to be taking a long time.”

 

Yuuri had noticed the man as well, patomining a search for something, but with his eyes flicking to the back of the plane several times.  “Yeah, the guards noticed him earlier. He glanced back more than necessary, making them uneasy.”

 

The blue eyes studied the man a few rows ahead of them fighting the panic building up inside, “Why is he still here?”

 

As if on cue, the flight attendant approached the man to see if what was causing his delay, having been appraised of Victor and Yuuri’s need to disembark last prior to take off.  The rest of the crew overheard an explanation about a misplaced wallet. The woman flicked her eyes to Akio who nodded, signalling for Victor and Yuuri to disembark, using the flight attendance as distraction.  The guards collected the carry on bags and followed closely behind. A glance behind him confirmed what Akio had suspected, the man’s eyes followed the silver hair off the plane.

 

After working their way through the airport protocols, Akio situated them into the waiting vehicles to take them to their hotel.  “Mari and Minako are joining us for this first competition.”

 

Victor’s face lit up and Yuuri chuckled.  “Of course they are coming to see me,” he snorted.

 

Victor, bouncing in excitement, missed the wink Yuuri shared with Celestino.  The coach raised an eyebrow at the mention of Minako and Yuuri looked out the window to hide his smile.   _ Yep, everyone’s getting laid _ , he surmised quietly, which was fine as long as Victor was safe.  Normally he operated with less than half the men now assigned by his grandfather and they traded out every six months.

 

Mari met them in the lobby, taking the opportunity to check the party in ahead of their arrival.  Speaking with Akio, she informed him that they already did an initial security sweep of the lobby and suites they would occupy.  Then Yuuri and Victor were given their room keys and hugs in greeting. “Where is Minako?” Celestino asked and Yuuri rolled his eyes.

 

“Scoping out the hotel bar.  Where else?” Mari asked with an amused expression.  The coach waivered, unsure whether to find her or unload in his room.  Mari rescued him by saying, “I’m sure she’ll be there for a while if you want to clean up.”

 

Finally in their room, Victor settled Patches on the bed while Yuuri hung their skate costumes.  Watching as Yuuri moved about the room, Victor asked, “Does Yakov know we’re at a separate hotel?”

 

Yuuri pulled out his workout clothing from the bag laying them out over the back of a chair.  “Yes. He’s arranged for someone to check you in at the other hotel to throw off the scent. This block of rooms is in the name of an associate of Sofu.  Which technically that man paid for, though Sofu will reimburse him. Still, no pulling treats from the minibar.” Yuuri smiled at the false admonish, but caught Victor’s worried brow.

 

Victor sighed, a frown marring his expression.  “I wish they were here. I wanted to see them.”

 

Yuuri settled down next to him and hugged him close.  “You will...in later competitions. We’re hoping this will be resolved by then and life can become more...normal.  Why don’t you charge up your phone and see if he’s contacted you?”

 

Victor dug out his charger from the skate bag and plugged in his phone.  Impatient for it to charge up, he decided to take a quick shower. Coming out, toweling his hair dry, he heard the familiar chime of text messages.  Yuuri was at the desk in the room with his laptop open looking at a series of messages.

 

Victor frowned when he spotted several from Phichit but not wanting to pry, moved over to the bed and pulled out his phone.

 

**Papabear-Yakov/ Vitya, text me when you get there.**

 

**Victor-bunny/ I’m here.  We are in our rooms now.**

 

**Papabear-Yakov/ Good.  You are assigned to Katsuki’s coach for this competition.**

 

**Victor-bunny/ Thanks.  I think we’re staying here for the night.**

 

**Papabear-Yakov/ Stay safe.  We’ll be watching you from Russia.**

 

Victor smiled, happy now that he had spoken with Yakov.  He pulled out his book and curled up on the bed blissfully unaware of the conversation happening at the table.

 

Across the room, Yuuri was messaging back and forth with Phichit.

 

**Peach/ The pooch has been acting weird since you left.**

 

**{Photo of Makkachin looking guilty}  {Photo of bunnies knocked off the shelf}**

 

**Peach/ I ended up closing the door to keep Makka out.**

 

Yuuri thought under any other circumstance this would make an adorable meme of naughty pup behavior, however the dog had a sixth sense about her.

 

**Pan/ That is odd behavior.  Let me know if she does anything else.**

 

**Peach/ She’s sleeping in the chair in the study now.  I’ll leave my door open if she wants to snuggle.**

 

**Pan/ And where will your friend sleep?**

 

**Peach/ My snuggle buddy and I can make room for Bunnyboy’s dog.**

 

Yuuri smiled at the nickname.   _ It works, though.   _ Glancing over at Victor, he could see his lover already involved in a book.  “Do you want me to order in, Vitya?”

 

The little silver head bobbed up in surprise.  “I just figured that would be the only option.”

 

“We can go down to the hotel restaurant if you prefer.  The building is secure.”

 

“I think...I’d like to spend some time with Minako and Mari...if they can get away from their other diversions,” he added with a wink and a giggle.

 

Yuuri chuckled.  “I wasn’t sure if you noticed.”

 

Victor smirked, tilting his head, “They aren’t in the open about it...I was just being respectful.”

 

“I think more people know about Mari and Akio than she realizes,” Yuuri breathed.

 

Victor laughed and nodded.  “Mama Hiroko said she should just bring that boy inside so she could feed him rather than continue to sneak around on the dark side of the house.”

 

Yuuri laughed.   _ Of course she would say something to Victor.  He’s so easy to talk to and he’s fairly closed-lipped. _

 

They met the others down in a more private dining space secured by both sets of guards.  “How are Mom and Dad?” Yuuri asked.

 

“You’d know if you called more often,” Mari stated with a raised brow.

 

“You know how it is when it gets close to competition.  Either you or Akio would report it to me if anything important was happening.”

 

“Hiroko is doing fine and much happier now that she has her kitchen back in order,” Minako provided.  “Toshiya has been to the main house more often than usual.”

 

Mari exhaled slowly, “Yeah, I think that blind eye he turned towards security has been opened since those two men tried to get Mom.” She loved her father, but she wished he could understand that his desire to ignore his own father’s work didn’t mean it would ignore him back.

 

Victor toyed with his food, his expression guilty.  “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

 

They both looked at him in surprise.  “Oh no, Victor!” Mari protested. “This is not your fault.”

 

However, the young man wasn’t able to accept their words, “It is and it isn’t...he wouldn’t have tried to hurt her if it wasn’t for me.  I don’t know how he found out how important she was to me, to everyone.”

 

“Well, he read your journals,” Yuuri pointed out.  “I’m sure you talked a lot about your own mother.  It’s a natural connection.”

 

“He didn’t go after Lilia,” Victor argued.

 

Yuuri sighed looking across to meet Mari’s eyes, she nodded.  Finally he turned back and pointed out, “Do you remember how the skate family was moved to Moscow?  Why do you think that was?”

 

Victor’s mouth opened into an  _ oh _ .  “But she’s okay?”

 

“Yes,” Mari stated.  “Sofu saw her for himself recently.  That’s why the plane was unavailable.  Speaking of which, how was the flight?”

 

Victor shrugged.  “It was fine, but there was this strange guy that kept looking back at us.”

 

“Yeah, I sent Kimiko to follow him,” Yuuri added.

 

“Well, Tino, what do you know?” Minako prompted.

 

Celestino sighed glancing over at the other two boys.  “He might be the one who was seen lurking around the practice rink.  I sent his image to Akio. He made himself look like a homeless guy picking up cans but...he seemed to only be around when Yuuri and Victor were there.”

 

“Oh!  The pictures!”  Everyone’s eyes turned to Victor.  He shrank a little but with Yuuri’s encouraging hand on his back, he continued.  “I saw a flash the other day when leaving Pavel’s house. Akio said it’s not the first time he noticed it, but they haven’t caught up to them yet.”

 

“Could be the same guy,” Yuuri mused.  “But I thought they said it was a woman who placed the book in your bag.”

 

Victor’s eyes shifted back and forth and suggested, “Maybe the person can change back and forth, or make themselves look different?”

 

Mari laughed at that.  “I suppose it’s possible but not likely.  It’s more likely that there were two of them.  Didn’t you have some guy trailing after you in the beginning?”

 

Victor leaned back on the heels of his hands dramatically huffing.  “I wish he’d just let me go and move on.”

 

Both Yuuri and Mari smiled fondly.  “Soon, baby brother,” Mari promised with a sisterly squeeze of his hand.

 

* * *

  
  
  


Victor and Yuuri sailed through their short programs with ease, leaving Yuuri in first place and Victor second, the press pushing in for interviews.  The room was fuller than usual, with some members of the press standing in the back, and several new faces whom Yuuri didn’t recognize. The reporters he knew from Ice Network, Skating Lesson, and even ESPN sat in the front, but there were others, dressed in their hipster uniforms holding phones, oblivious live blogging the interview.  Yuuri was uneasy, but Victor seemed unphased.

 

“Skater Katsuki, Skater Nikiforov, what can you tell us about your relationship?”

 

They exchanged glances and Victor leaned in to say, “Yuuri’s my best friend and has been for some time.”

 

“Sources tell us that the two of you are more than friends,” they pressed.

 

Yuuri met Victor’s eyes waiting for Victor’s nod before answering, “Yes, we’ve been in a relationship for the past few months.  However, we are here to skate so let’s focus on that.”

 

The press refused to be redirected.  One of the reporters standing in the back, pushed forward, holding his phone out as the red camera button activated.  “Mr. Nikiforov, what about the photos that have leaked suggesting that you might be more than friends with several men in Detroit?”

 

Victor looked confused meeting Yuuri’s gaze but his partner’s unwavering support strengthened him.  Turning back to the press he saw the reporters from the front turning back to cast glares at the newcomer, none of them recognized him, nor saw any press affiliation identification on him.  Victor took even more confidence from them, stating firmly, “I’m not sure about these photos, but I do have friends.  As does Yuuri.  That’s the long and short of it.”

 

Yuuri stared past the front line of reporters at the interloper.  There was something familiar about him.  With an imperceptible nod to his men, he began pulling Victor from the fray.  “It’s time to go.”

 

Victor looked confused but nodded.  “Okay.” Turning back to the front line of reporters, he smiled his press smile and winked.  “We’ll see you after the next skate!”  He met Akio's eyes seeing him talking into the earpiece and a few moving towards the back.

 

* * *

  
Kimiko watched as Akio took half the team to secure the skaters.  She followed the man from the back of the room trading off eyes with Azumi.  The man tried to lose them in the crowds but the two experienced guards kept eyes on him at all times, words trading back and forth and feeding back to their commander through the earpieces.  Then the man broke for it, running through the back halls of the rink.  Azumi was ready for it and Kimiko right behind him.  It was near the back door they caught him, escorting him out to the back loading dock and across the street to a warehouse.  The workers in the warehouse looked up and recognized who they worked for, disappearing and leaving them alone with their mark.  
  


"Suppose you tell us who you are?" Kimiko began as Azumi tightened the zip ties on his hand.

 

The man was silent and Kimiko had no patience, giving him a swift kick that knocked him to his knees.  He held fast to his silence.

 

Kimiko squatted before him, taking out a knife from a sheaf hidden on her back.  The steel glinted even in the dim light.  "Are you responsible for these pictures?"

 

"Only reporting back," the man slipped and then his eyes widened even as Kimiko held her expression.

 

Sliding the blade lightly over the captive's skin, she asked him, "And what does your master want to know?"

 

The other man shivered but faced his eyes forward, closing his mouth.  She stepped back nodding at Azumi who threw several swift punches before stepping back.  "Now," she continued, "Do you feel like talking?"

 

"What's the point?  You're going to kill me anyway."

 

"Are you truly that loyal?  I hear he's a bit unraveled."

 

He shrugged, his eyes resting on the wall.  "He is...very focused on this goal."

 

"What goal is that?"

 

"We haven't figured it out yet.  We thought he wanted the boy dead but if that was it, the job would be done."

 

"Not necessarily but go on," Kimiko stated.

 

"We think he means to take the boy.  But not for business.  The boy would sell high but it is more personal than that."

 

"And your purpose?"

 

"Observe security and report back, wait for further instructions."

 

"And are you tied with the ones working over in Detroit?"

 

"Those fuckups?  No...we aren't associated.  But don't think I'm the only one with eyes on him."

 

"Are you contract or organizational?"

 

"He sent me himself, along with two others.  Said Detroit had their jobs, ours was to watch him while he traveled."

 

"And can you tell me about these other two?"

 

He shrugged.  "Lev ain't much.  Just a kid, really.  He'll watch and observe and if he's smart, disappear.  Mitvei, he's a sadistic fucker just like the boss.  He'd soon kill you as look at you.  He's hoping for a piece of the action...and might plan on taking it without the boss' approval."

 

She kept her expression impassive.  "Physical description?"

 

The man grinned, his eyes meeting hers.  "Russian.  Dark hair.  Can't say what color his eyes are but he has a scar over the right brow.  Cuts across to the opposite cheek.  Not sure how he saved the eye in that."

 

"And what was your plan?"

 

"Watch...observe...and wait for an opportunity to disappear.  Like I said, Mitvei is the one we worried about.  I told the kid to run if he had the chance and not go home."  He met her eyes and added, "There's something not right about him...the boss, that is.  Talks to ghosts."

 

Kimiko walked away and knew Azumi would be quick, clean up swift.  She relayed the information to Akio and knew it would go to the Katsuki heir.  She had another mark to find, possibly two.

 

* * *

 

 

The boys’ room became busy as Minako, Mari and Celestino joined them that evening to search the press fallout.

 

“What could they have?” Mari asked in confusion.

 

Victor sighed.  “A lot, apparently.”  He turned his phone around and showed them the pictures from the gossip sites.  “I mean, they are just friends...or bodyguards...I guess they can be sort of both?”  There were links to youtube videos and other clickbait sources, all alleging Victor’s torrid affairs and a few with very insincere concerns for his safety.

 

Yuuri pulled up the pictures on his laptop and zoomed in.  “Someone has a camera at some very convenient times.” He scrolled through the sites, ignoring the comments, when one image stuck out.  “How did this locker room shot happen with Devryn?”

 

Celestino looked at the picture and Yuuri could see the coach go from calm to livid in a moment’s notice.  The forceful Italian man pulled out his phone and immediately dialed up the rink manager, telling him to close and call for security right away, explaining the privacy violation.  “Tell Phichit. It looks like someone installed a camera in the lockers...which is illegal.”

 

“On it, Coach.”  He had his chat logs up and quickly tapped out a message.  Turning back to Victor, he could see his lover was very pale.  “We’ll clean it up.”

 

“I need to talk to Yakov,” Victor stated and Yuuri could tell he was feeling sick.  The others left the room leaving just the two of them. Pulling out his phone, he called his coach.

 

“Vitya!  I just caught the press conference,” the coach’s voice sounded just as livid on speaker as Celestino looked earlier.

 

“Did you know about this?”

 

Yakov paused on the other end.  “I’ve had our PR team trying to clean it up but as soon as one picture released, five more surfaced.”

 

“What’s the damage?” Victor demanded.

 

The coach sighed wearily.  “For the most part, the photos are innocent.  You walking with friends and other bodyguards.  Easily explained. There were a few sponsors with questions, but once they actually used their brains they realized it was just malicious gossip.  But...the worst of it is the locker room pics. The one who took the pictures knew how to get the detail. It shows...the scars. Most sites are spinning it that you are in an abusive relationship.  This is supported by some fake text messages.”

 

“Fake text messages?” Victor squeaked, his eyes jumping to Yuuri who was already moving back to the computer.

 

“Yes, Vitya...some are very...explicit.  They are saying you were sexting with someone else and sharing the shower pics…”  The coach’s voice faded, clearly upset.

 

Yuuri spoke up to say, “We can start clearing it up on this end, Sir.”

 

Victor curled up in a ball on the bed and he stared towards the window as the call disconnected, Patches held tightly in his grasp.  A bit of lavender released into the air and Victor glanced down remembering Hiroko and how she fought for him. Closing his eyes, he focused on those memories, thoughts of Hiroko working in the kitchen, singing and dancing.

 

As Victor slipped off to sleep, Yuuri had a chat window up and he worked with Phichit to start dismantling the claims.  It was an underhanded move, but when had Mikhail Volkov ever acted with honor? As he read the headlines implying that Yuuri abused Victor and kept him under lock and key, Yuuri fought the bile rising up in his throat.  He did let the tears fall, hot and angry, burning a trail down his cheeks. Swallowing the sob, swallowing the vomit, he fought through the familiar virtual battlefield.

 

Exhausted, he knew he needed to eat something and roused Victor to see if he wanted anything from room service.  The younger man shrugged, not having much of an appetite but they still had another skate to perform. They settled on miso soup and rice.  A knock brought Celestino back in the room.

 

“How do you want to deal with this?” he asked gently, his eyes meeting Victor’s with concern.

 

Victor stared at his teacup then drew himself up tall.  “Head on. I’ve done nothing wrong and if he wants to drop lies out to the press, I’ll strike back with truth.”

 

“We’re all behind you, Victor,” the Italian coach reassured him.  “Mari suggested that she and Minako also stand behind you during the conference.  A show of solidarity. I think...it’s a good plan.”

 

“Tell them thank you for me.  I’ll take all of the reinforcements I can get.”  He smiled, his expression warming up. “Thanks, coach.”

 

“Of course.  Now get some rest and don’t stress out.  If you need to work off some nervous energy, though, Minako or myself are both willing to accompany you both down to the workout room.”

 

He met Yuuri’s eyes before stating, “I think we’re good for now but we’ll keep the offer in mind.”

 

The coach left them alone and Victor remained quiet for a few minutes before stating, “Tomorrow is going to be hard.  But...I refuse to let them think you gave me a single one of these scars.”

 

“Vitya…”

 

“No, Yuuri...this is my fight...and if he’s going to play this way, then I’ll shove it back in his face.  Do you think you can get a picture of Mikhail Volkov printed for me?”

 

Yuuri eyed the younger man in concern, “Ummm, yes.  What are you planning?”

 

“Going public.”  Victor’s voice was determined, strong.  “If they want a villain, I’ll give it to them.”

 

* * *

  
  


Victor woke up not nearly as confident as when he had fallen asleep.  Turning to look at his sleeping lover, he frowned, feeling shaky inside.  He pulled out his phone and smiled at the good morning greeting sent by Phichit, accompanied by a series of Makkachin pics.

 

**Victor-bunny/ Hi, Peach.**

 

**Peach/ You’re up!**

 

**Victor-bunny/ Yes...Yuuri’s still sleeping.  I don’t know when he came to bed.**

 

**Peach/ We were up killing some more leaks but I sent him to bed...probably about midnight your time...and took care of it.**

 

**Victor-bunny/ Thank you.  I hate this.**

 

**Peach/ I know you do.  Don’t worry. It will be fine.  They’ll get distracted by the next big thing.  Adam Rippon will open his mouth any minute now.**

 

**Victor-bunny/ Keep sending Makka pics.**

 

**Peach/ Will do!**

 

Looking at his other messages, he smiled at the show of support from several other skaters including his entire skating family in Russia and Chris.

 

**Katya/ Don’t stress out...this will blow over.**

 

**Ivan/ BUNNY!  I know you’re panicking but no one could believe anything bad about you.**

 

**Dmitry/ Kick ass and show them you’re not beaten down!**

 

**Angry-Kitten Yura/ Just let me know whose ass to kick!**

 

He couldn’t help the smile on his lips.

 

**Chris/ Victor, darling, we are ready to release a public statement on how adorable the two of you are together.  Just say the word.**

 

Victor stretched out across his boyfriend, his head resting on Yuuri’s chest like a pillow and felt sleepy hands card into his hair.

 

“Is everything alright?”

 

“I was just reading the text messages from my friends.  Chris said something about a public statement.” He passed the phone to Yuuri and watched his boyfriend reach for his glasses hanging on the lampshade.

 

“It couldn’t hurt.  Phichit, too,” Yuuri agreed after reading the message.  “Maybe a social media post. Phichit has a number of pictures of us together.”

 

“Like that one where the three of us...you, me and Makka...fell asleep in the chair together?”

 

Yuuri chuckled warmly.  “Your book lying open on top of Makka’s back.  She looked like she wanted to get up but didn’t want to disturb the book.”

 

“She’s such a good puppy,” Victor responded squeezing his shoulders together.

 

Victor found strength in the show of support and pulled himself together to prepare for their free skate that afternoon.  He came in just below Yuuri and the crowd went wild. As they walked into the press gauntlet, he felt more prepared for their questions.

 

“Unfortunately being in the public eye, it isn’t unusual for each of us to at some time find our privacy violated and even have the facts twisted by unethical reporters and opportunists.  However, here are the facts. I am in a committed relationship with Yuuri Katsuki who treats me quite well. And I have only been in one other actual relationship. My ex was a nightmare, and he still is.  He has continued to stalk me since we broke up. I have no doubt that these pictures and their implications were released by my ex in some sick and twisted ploy understood only by him. But you have all been pulled into this as well, and with each false report you share, forward, or spread, you are helping him.”

 

“Mr. Nikiforov,” one reporter began, Yuuri recognized Morooka and nodded to Victor to answer him.  “We’ve seen quite a bit of support posted by fellow skaters on social media for both of you. Would you like to tell us anything about your ex?”

 

Victor thinned his lips and took the print from Yuuri holding up the image for the world to see.  “My ex apparently stalked me before we started to date and during our short relationship was quite abusive.  He kidnapped me at one point after our breakup and held me captive until I was able to break free. Yuuri was part of those working to get me free of him and our relationship has grown from friendship into something more in the course of those events.”  He reached out and took Yuuri’s hand, his eyes tender as he gave it a squeeze. “Yuuri has only ever been supportive and I couldn’t imagine a better partner.”

 

He then refocused his eyes onto the greater press population hanging on every word and added, “I expect the press to do a better job in their research from this point forward and that they will recant any false claims of me in wild relationships.  Thank you.” Yuuri and Mari both stepped up to put a protective arm around Victor and escort him out with Minako and Celestino not far behind. The contingent of bodyguards closed around the group and escorted them past the press and out to the waiting vehicle.

 

The boy watched them leave and saw Mitvei move.  He hadn't seen Berdy in some time but remembered his words.  "This job is bad.  Get out if you can.  Run."  Maybe he was dead.  Maybe Lev could live.  With Mitvei occupied, he slipped away looking for his escape.  The papers that got him into Japan would be useless...but he didn't grow up on the streets for nothing.  

 

* * *

  
The next day, they caught their flight home as Phichit sent an expose on the IP address that faked the sexting photos.  Armed with the source for the images, they were able to better refute the claims. Reporters, both those who knew the couple and didn’t, came to their aid, speaking out against the senseless and malicious gossip.  However, it was Jemele Hill who grabbed hold of the story and ran with it on her ESPN site “The Undefeated”, turning the tide to the scandal in Victor’s favor.


	54. Alice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What has Makkachin so excited?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another installment for your pleasure. Make sure you are subscribed to my name and not just the story. I am working on a project I hope to share soon. This one will wrap up within two to three weeks. We'll see what works out. And I know...I have two others started. I haven't forgotten them. (I'm a little stuck on Lifeline part 4...L&F, though, has two chapters written that will go up once they are beta'd and is plotted out...I'm afraid there will be some angst).

* * *

 

[ Alice ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YI4m-l2yRZA)

 

**Detroit, MI**

 

Victor dropped to his knees to embrace Makkachin as he walked back into the apartment, Phichit leaned against the wall as he watched them interact.  Yuuri gave the poodle a quick scruff. “I’m going to our room to put our things away.”

 

Focusing on Makkachin,Victor nodded absentmindedly.  “Such a good girl. Did you miss me? I missed you.” As he lavished affection on his beloved poodle, he missed the look exchanged by Yuuri and Phichit.  Yuuri made his way through the apartment with Phichit not far behind, standing at the door and watching as the Japanese man concentrated on the shared bedroom.

 

Yuuri made a face as he studied the shelf.   _ What was off? _  The rabbits and bunnies were put back by Phichit, although not necessarily where Victor had them, however that wasn’t what seemed wrong.  Yuuri picked up Patches out of the luggage and placed him on the bed. “What do you think, old man?” Yuuri asked the bunny. Patches wasn’t sure but could feel something off in the room as well… a funny smell?

 

Makkachin, noticing the door was open, raced down the hall and jumped on the bed, knocking Patches to the side.  He reared up to knock down the bunnies. Victor chased after her in alarm.

 

“Makka!” Victor shouted.  His eyes widened as he was greeted by the commotion.  “What’s going on?” Blue eyes turned to rest on the other two men in the bedroom.

 

Phichit shifted uncomfortably and a look passed between both Yuuri and Phichit, this time not missed by Victor.

 

“Tell me!” he demanded.

 

Phichit glanced down guiltily.  “I...had to close off the bedroom because Makkachin kept coming in here and knocking the bunnies off the shelf.  It seemed more than ‘lonely dog syndrome’ like she was trying to show me something.”

 

“That’s...not normal,” Victor mused, he had lived with Makka in a much smaller space, and she was always so gentle, almost like a cat in her approach to items.  He studied the shelf and climbed up to sort through the bunnies, resetting them in place. Then he heard a growl behind him and turned, his eyes widening as he noticed Makka pulling a bunny from the pile down to the floor and shredding it.  “Makka! No!” Victor dropped to his knees on the bed and crawled to the floor. He sat with his legs spread apart, the poodle in the gap with his prey. The blue eyes widened as Victor retrieved the bunny from the dog. Makka whined as the mutilated form was taken from him and pawed at Victor in worry.  Turning to Yuuri, he handed it over to his lover with round, horrified eyes.

 

Yuuri frowned at the unfamiliar bunny, passing it to Phichit who held onto it as Yuuri helped Victor to his feet.  “I haven’t seen that one before.”

 

“That’s because I threw this one away.”  Victor paused letting it sink in before adding, “In Russia.  It’s the one that  _ he  _ gave me.”

 

Yuuri looked over at Phichit who stood gaping at the bunny now scarred by Makka’s mawlings.  “Did you see anything else unusual when Makkachin started acting up?”

 

“No...I came home and I realized your bedroom door was shut.  I didn’t remember it being closed but Makkachin was pawing at it, but I figured the breeze, or maybe even Makka had closed it somehow.  So...I opened it. Then she kind of went nuts, jumping right onto the bed and going at the bunnies. I pulled her back immediately, but she would just go at them again.  Every time I put the bunnies back in order, she’d start up again, knocking them down and digging through the pile until I pulled her off. I had to take her out of the room.”  Phichit hung his hands in worry looking from one to the other.

 

“I hope you didn’t stay here alone,” Victor said softly.

 

“I-ummm...well, Devryn stayed most of the time.  Pavel was in and out as well. You think…?”

 

“Someone came in here while we were gone.  I’m calling Akio,” Yuuri surmised.

 

* * *

  
  


Akio frowned as he combed through the security footage with Kimiko.  “I’m not seeing anything unusual. I see the guards...they are patrolling at irregular intervals as instructed so the pattern should be undetectable.  Did you see any suspicious activity reported in the logs?”

 

She shook her head.  “I’ve talked to the ones that stayed behind, too.  None of them saw anything.”

 

“Maybe...we should have Yuuri and Phichit look at the footage.  Make sure it wasn’t hacked and looped.”

 

* * *

  
  


An hour later, Yuuri and Phichit stared at the increment of film looking for some change in the feed.  “Do you think they put it there when they came here before?”

 

Yuuri shook his head, keeping his eyes trained on the screen before them.  “No. Why would Makka have ignored it until now?” Yuuri pointed out.

 

Behind them, Victor curled up in the corner of the sofa, Makkachin’s head resting on Victor’s hip, Col. Brandon clutched in his arm, watching the boys work.  “Maybe,” he murmured.

 

Yuuri turned around to look at him.  “What do you mean?”

 

Victor shrugged.  “She’s a sighthound.  If something shifted while we packed, she might have caught sight of the rabbit and knew it didn’t belong.”  He rubbed the back of his neck remembering. “Every time Mikhail would come over after the gift, he’d pull the rabbit out to put it on display.  He wanted it to be the most important on my bed so he would put it on the pillows, above the other rabbits. Except, Makka didn’t like it at all.  She always had to be locked up when he came over, and associated the two. When I got to release her, she’d go straight for the bunny. I would have to bury it behind the other bunnies and some pillows to keep her from biting it.  So...when I got ready for Mikhail to visit, after I put Makka up, I’d pull the rabbit out of hiding. One less criticism for him to make…not that he ever needed any reasons.”

 

Yuuri took in all of the information, biting back the anger inside.  Focusing on the matter at hand, he asked, “So you’re saying that it could have been there all along.”

 

Victor nodded.  “I’ve had my favorites down on the bed so the others have been up on the shelf and I haven’t messed with them for a few weeks.”

 

Yuuri frowned at this, studying Col. Brandon in his lover’s arms.  Something was bothering him, the hair on the back of his head rising as he considered Victor’s words, reflecting back on the original gift.  “I want to check on something.” He jumped up and left the apartment leaving both Victor and Phichit staring after him in confusion.

 

He knocked urgently on Akio’s door and the security chief opened it with an odd expression.  “It’s like you knew I was about to call you,” Akio stated urging him in the room.

 

Yuuri took a seat and Akio pulled out the bunny.  Yuuri noticed right away the sticker over the eyes.  “What’s that for?”

 

“You’ll see,” Akio answered.  He pulled the fabric up from the loosened head and Yuuri’s eyes widened.

 

“Is that a pen camera?”

 

“Yes...and it’s been hijacking the open wifi of the apartment complex to send it’s feedback…”

 

“Shit...that bastard’s been watching us.”  His worst fears had just been confirmed, until that moment he was holding out hope that he had been simply overly concerned.  But once again, when dealing with a man like Volkov there was was no such thing.

 

“It could be the spy,” Akio pointed out.

 

Yuuri raised an eyebrow to say  _ do you really believe that? _

 

The guard grimaced, it had been a hope but even Akio had to admit this was Mikhail’s attempt to gain access and control Victor from overseas.  “Did you figure out how it got there?”

 

“Victor thinks it was from the prior break in.  I don’t see anything in the film footage and Phichit has been digging through the time signatures.  It’s the most reasonable explanation.”

 

Akio took a deep breath and let it out.  “So we focus on the library.”

 

* * *

  
  


Yuuri entered the apartment nervously.   _ How am I going to tell him we were being watched?  He feels so safe here, and now I have to tell him... _  He looked around the livingroom and met Phichit’s eyes with a frown.  “Where is he?”

 

“He headed down the hall.  He’s been quiet since you left.”  Phichit rose and approached Yuuri, lowering his voice.  He could see plainly in Yuuri’s face that everything was not okay.  “What did you learn?”

 

Sighing, he hung his head for a moment, “There was a camera in the rabbit.”

 

Phichit frowned.  “Has it always been there?  Like...even when Mikhail gave it as a gift?”

 

Yuuri looked at his friend in horror.  He hadn’t even considered that. “Oh, god!”

 

“Go...check on Victor.”  Then he stopped Yuuri and put to hands on his shoulders, squaring a look right into the rich brown eyes, “Whatever is happening in your head, put it aside.  For him.”

 

Yuuri nodded.  He knew Phichit was right.  He turned and headed down the hall.  He didn’t expect to find Victor in the study, but peeked inside anyway.  His attention was pulled by the sound of a faint rustle of movement further down the hall.  Opening the bedroom door, he found Victor surrounded by a pile of bunnies.

 

Blue eyes looked up at him and Yuuri could see the tear stains.  He went immediately to Victor’s side, pushing away the stuffed animals and gathering the younger man to his chest.  “Oh, my Vitya. It’s going to be okay.”

 

Victor’s voice was tiny as the man pressed his face against Yuuri’s firm chest.  “Wh-what did you find out?”

 

Yuuri stilled the hand on Victor’s back, closing his eyes but knowing it was best to get it all out in the open.  “There...was a camera inside the bunny.”

 

Victor remained still for the longest moment as he processed the information.  Slowly, he drew back and Yuuri could see the pain etched into Victor’s expression.  “H-he was watching us? Watching m-me?”

 

“We don’t know where the feed went.  I can get Phichit on that if you really want to know.  It could have been transmitting only to the one who planted it here,” Yuuri suggested.

 

Victor considered this then slowly shook his head.  “It’s the same rabbit, no changes in the stitching. If it had a camera, it’s been there from the start.”  Victor sat staring at nothing for a moment, lost in his thoughts. All of the sudden, he lifted his hands and hit the bed with all of his strength, displacing a number of bunnies, some scattering to the floor.  “That bastard!”

 

Yuuri sat up, following Victor on the bed, “Vitya…”

 

Victor turned to look at him, his expression sharp as he suddenly laughed bitterly.  “And he watched you and me...we…that must’ve been like a knife in his gut knowing you could get more from me than he could ever achieve, watching us...in bed.  The bastard!”

 

Yuuri didn’t know how to react.  He remained still, waiting, watching the myriad of emotions that slid through Victor’s expressions.  Then Victor leaned in pressing a kiss to his boyfriend’s lips, pushing Yuuri back onto the mattress. Yuuri watched wide-eyed as Victor began to strip in front of him, pulling the long-sleeved tee over his head to reveal the slender but defined torso.  Hands pushing down his pants.

 

“Vitya…”  His hands flew up to stop Victor’s actions.  No matter what the younger man was feeling Yuuri wanted to make sure nothing became a regret later.

 

“He doesn’t get to take this from me.”  Victor struggled against Yuuri’s hands, once again trying to remove his lounging pants.

 

Yuuri heard the mild hysteria in his voice.  “Vitya...my darling…” he tried once more.

 

Victor’s eyes snapped at his surroundings, his breath suddenly hitching, the sob breaking through.  Yuuri was up in an instant, pulling Victor into his arms, holding onto the shaking body. “H-he...raped me...he beat me and raped me...then h-he….he took everything he could from me, and when we found one thing that could be ours, just one...he took that too...he took us and perverted it.  This...this was ours, Yuuri. H-he was in our bedroom, watching me, watching us. Oh god, Yuuri!”

 

Yuuri held onto him, letting him work through it as he sobbed against his shoulder.  “I’ve got you, Vitya...let it all out.” He could hear the hiccups, the quick breaths.  He could feel Victor shaking in his arms, gripping Yuuri tightly, as if his life depended on it.

 

Finally, he pulled back, arms wrapping around his legs.  “This...I...I don’t know what came over me.”

 

Yuuri loosed his hold on Victor, keeping him in his arms, but giving him the space he needed to shift.  “You are angry, you feel violated...you want to take some of that back.”

 

Victor sniffed and nodded.  “I-I didn’t realize...I’m sorry, Yuuri…”  His voice was small and Yuuri’s heart broke to see him so vulnerable.

 

The older man reached out, placing his hand on Victor’s ankle to ground him.  The new touch in an unfamiliar place had Victor’s eyes focusing on the moment.  “You were reacting, processing. I just...I want you completely with me when we are together, when we make love.”

 

Victor nodded then slowly let go, letting Yuuri pull him back into his arms.  “Maybe...I need to get my head in a better place first.”

 

“Take all the time you need, Vitya.”

 

“Do you think...you can call Dr. Bishop?  I think I need to talk this out.” Victor, still visibly upset, was beginning to slow down, his breathing returning to normal.

 

“I think that’s a good plan.”

 

* * *

  
  


After Yuuri settled Victor and tucked him in, he returned to the living room and found Phichit with his tools out, dissecting the camera.  Phichit looked up with a frown. “I dismantled the bunny in the other apartment and disabled the camera before bringing it back in.”

 

“Do you think you can figure out where it was sending the feed?”

 

“Perhaps.  It doesn’t have a lot of security so the chip shouldn’t be that hard.  I mean, it’s just a basic  [ Raspberry Pi ](https://www.raspberrypi.org/) setup, some simple programming, basic commands.  This guy wasn’t worried about getting caught or being sneaky, that’s for certain.”

 

Yuuri grimaced,  _ no Volkov never thought beyond his own ego, may that be his undoing.   _ “Victor thinks it’s been recording him since he received it as a gift.”

 

Phichit leveled a stare, unsurprised.  He had said as much himself. “How is he?”

 

“Sleeping.  I sent a message to Dr. Bishop to see him.”

 

Pulling the camera out, he turned it over and showed Yuuri the back.  “This is definitely Russian in design. But there’s something more.” Reaching in the desk drawer, he pulled out another camera.  “This one was retrieved from the inside of the locker room. Focused on the shower. There was another set in the changing area. It took Devryn, Pavel, and I all day to go through the rink.  We found ten in all. I think the external photos were taken on a standard SLR digital camera or a phone. But those inside...they came from these. Mikhail Volkov is the one that leaked those photos.  But who got them there is my question.”

 

“Oh, Vitya…” Yuuri murmured.

 

“It will be fine.  We’ve taken his eyes.”  Phichit paused, hoping that Yuuri would understand the advantage they now held.  “Now we’ll go for his throat. He’s undoubtedly losing his mind over this, and that will force him to make a careless move.  I can almost promise it. That’s when we can grab whoever he has here working in the States.”

 

Yuuri nodded as his eyes strayed down the hall.  “How do we keep him from getting hurt in the process?”

 

* * *

  
  


Victor sat in the chair across from Dr. Cara Bishop, his knees pulled up to his chest.  She studied his posture, reading correctly that he would need a little longer to settle himself in the room before finally coming around to a place where he could talk.  A cup of tea waited on the table next to him. Finally, he spoke. “He...had a camera on me. Lots of them in multiple places. He hired some people to follow me, stalk me.  So I was afraid to leave the apartment, now I’m afraid to be there as well. Nowhere is safe. He took away my freedom and now, I...feel like my privacy has been stripped away.  Then he took those pictures, and published them, twisting it to make me sound…”

 

After a minute, she could tell he needed prompting.  “How do you feel about this?”

 

Victor looked down at the floor, studying the pattern.  “Violated. Nothing is in my control. I’m constantly...hiding.  But even at home, he’s managed to see me.”

 

If Dr. Bishop hadn’t known about the man terrorizing her client, hadn’t known that pictures had been taken and dropped on the internet, hadn’t known that cameras were found at his home and work, she might have thought he was having a paranoid episode.  But in this case, it was all too real. And she had to figure out a way to give him power back or all of their work would be lost. She could already see him retreating, the familiar glaze to his eyes, tell tale signs of his mouth that daydreams were becoming more real, and far more precious than reality.

 

“Let’s talk about what you have in place to protect you.”  She wanted, needed to shift his focus from his worries to the realities in place, and the guards he had around his life.

 

Victor nodded, letting go of his knees and relaxing a moment.  “I have Makkachin and she warns me when something isn’t right.”  He blinked, tears coming forward even as his thoughts went back. “If I had just listened from the beginning…”

 

“I think we’ve talked about this, Victor.”  Her voice was firm, hoping to keep Victor’s focus on his present life and not relive any of the past.  “He would have been more aggressive from the start. Let’s move forward. What else do you have?”

 

“Security guards, bodyguards, friends looking out for me, different security things in place.  We just changed the code on our apartment building. But...what if it’s not enough?”

 

“You keep fighting.”

 

Victor mouthed the words as he processed it, then looked up, his eyes becoming determined.  “I keep fighting. I’ve learned things to defend myself. I’m not just protected, I know  _ how _ to protect myself, to be aware of my surroundings...and we’ve practiced a number of escape plans.  I know what to do when someone threatens me. My bodyguards are well trained and they know how to get me to safety.”

 

She kept her smile inside, but was elated to hear him focusing on the present, becoming aware of his own power.  “How do you feel, Victor?”

 

He stated in an unwavering voice, “Stronger.”

 

* * *

* * *

  
  


NOTES:

 

[ Stalking: A Victim’s Handbook  ](http://victimsofcrime.org/docs/src/stalking-a-handbook-for-victims.pdf?sfvrsn=2) (I hate the use of the word  _ victim _ .  I prefer  _ survivor _ .)

 

[ Intimate Partner Stalking ](http://victimsofcrime.org/docs/Information%20Clearinghouse/Beyond%20Paranoia%20%20Who%20is%20Stalking%20Whom.pdf?sfvrsn=0)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed these quick posts...unfortunately, I'm out for the weekend. So you should see more at some point this next week. And who knows what else will show up. Hope you're subscribed to my name!


	55. Her Name is Alice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikhail's still playing games and messing with the couple from afar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this was supposed to go up yesterday. I don't know...I was just a bit out of it. Here it is, though. My apologies for the delay.
> 
> Thanks to both BluSkates and Magrathea for the edits.
> 
> Did you catch Bluskates' [update](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13205118/chapters/35208479)?

* * *

 

 

[ Her Name is Alice ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxv1Q8YZdA4)

 

(NOTE:  This first scene flashes back to the night they found the cameras...a little Yuuri perspective.)

 

**Detroit, MI**

 

Yuuri watched over his lover as he slept.  He’d been awake most of the night. It had taken Victor what felt like hours to final settle into a fitful sleep, and Yuuri wanted to stay up to be there for when the nightmares came to the little silver head.  Before settling to the bed, Yuuri had made an appointment for Victor the following day. He triple checked the apartment to make sure his lover was safe, windows locked, alarms activated, closed circuit cameras tied into motion detectors in the halls.  That evening, with the help of his team, motion detectors were added to the doors of the apartment and even the door of their bedroom. Shinoba had watch that night and Yuuri was glad the experienced bodyguard would be on hand should something else turn up.  But even with all of this nothing felt safe enough.

 

Rubbing the sandy feeling from his eyes, he shifted to his back to stare at the ceiling.  The events continued to course through his thoughts.  _ He got in here so easily.  The weakness is in our absence.  _  They had steadily increased the security until privacy was forfeit.  And this he hated, he knew Victor hated it as well. 

 

He catalogued each incursion from the time they arrived.  The spy on the trail. The one taking pictures at the apartment...possibly the same man.  The herb. The book. The man on the flight. The photos. The cameras. The rabbit...with eyes in their bedroom.   _ What would the next move be? _

 

Yuuri slipped from the covers, tucking them back in place to make sure Victor didn’t get cold and patting his space to invite Makka to keep him company.  Running his fingers through Victor’s hair, he allowed his mind to go someplace he’d been stuffing back.  _ I’m failing.  I promised to keep you safe but...I’m failing. _

 

He could see the shake in his hand, could feel himself coming apart inside.  He had to get away from Victor, find a private place. He went into the living room, his eyes glossing over the time.  It was after two. Phichit would know where he was...reaching for the keys, he stepped out in the hallway.

 

Ryota met him before he made it to the elevator.  “Everything okay, boss?”

 

“I just...need to skate.”  Yuuri stumbled through the words, barely keeping himself together.

 

The guard nodded, reading the signs of panic on the man he had watched for over a year.  Slowly taking the keys from Yuuri’s hand, he coaxed, “Let me get some men to accompany you.”

 

Yuuri nodded and waited.  Those who worked with him for awhile knew his habits.  The others fell in without question. Soon, Ryota emerged with a group of six men.

 

“I’d feel better if you didn’t run to the rink at this hour,” Ryota stressed.

 

Yuuri didn’t have the energy to argue, merely nodding in compliance.  He was ushered into the elevator, looking to the men, trying to remember all of their names.  His mind couldn’t grab hold of them at the moment. He knew they were carefully vetted by Akio and Mari both.  He knew their faces. He simply trusted them to get him where he needed to go.

 

The door to the SUV opened and he was ushered into the center passenger seat.  Two guards in the front, three behind and one beside him. They left in silence.  Yuuri knew the routine when they arrived. Three would wait in the car with him while the others fanned out to check the perimeter.  Once secure, the team would be signaled via earpieces and he’d be able to go inside.

 

* * *

  
  


Yuuri tied on his boot, breathing in the scent of the ice, finding comfort in its familiarity.  His head was buzzing with thoughts of Victor, security, privacy, Volkov…

 

On the ice, he circled the rink three times to warm up.  It was a lazy half glide turn around the ice. He felt his body slowly coming to awareness and mohawked into a set of backwards crossovers in the backpocket.  He then began the intricate design of the figure he was creating, allowing the detail to empty his mind. A moment of peace, letting his subconscious work through the details while his conscious mind focused on skating.

 

The footwork came naturally to him, something drilled into him by his early coaches and his ballet teacher Minako.  He heard her voice even as he recreated the intricate snowflake design. “If you can create beautiful figures on the ice, your skating will be beautiful.”

 

He allowed his thoughts turn to Victor but focused on how he felt for the man, the love, the admiration, appreciation of his beauty and form, and as he skated back to admire the work, he smiled and the two swanlike S forms that created the heart.

 

He wrapped up with a lotus, carving the ice with repetitive movements.   _ Celestino will walk in come morning and know I’ve been here...that or the ghost of Ulrich Salchow.  _  Yuuri knew there would be a gentle admonishment but the overarching concern would come through.  The figure skater stilled, blinking the tears, willing them to go away. They refused to comply. He knew the men would give him the necessary privacy.  He let them fall.

  
  
  


Victor moved into the new routine, or the lack thereof, focusing on his studies and skating.  He hated the greater separation from Yuuri. Even more so, he hated the stiff behavior from his boyfriend.  Oh, Yuuri would open his arms easy enough, holding him, comforting him, taking care of him. But...Victor couldn’t see what was going on inside the other man.  It was as if a part of him had closed off.

 

_ Are you protecting me from yourself? _

 

Victor huffed in frustration, remembering how Yuuri had tried that approach once, before they even had a relationship, and how disastrous that ended.  Finally he opened up his complaint to their third roommate. “I don’t know what to do. He’s...shut off. I mean...he’s there for me if I need something...but there’s this a busyness to him.”

 

Phichit had been quite aware of Yuuri, watching his partner in crime carefully.  This sort of shut-down behaviour was nothing new to the Thai man, however they were merely friends.  Victor was something much more to Yuuri. “Midterms, possibly,” Phichit offered. It was a weak excuse and he knew it but it gave Yuuri an out until he could figure out how to open up again.  The older man was fighting to hold everything together, checking security, making sure the men kept Victor covered, and held an increasing number of private conferences with Akio. Something was afoot and honestly, Phichit hated being out of the loop just as much as Victor.  They’d been through too much together.

 

Yuuri continued shoving down his emotions.  Waiting for Victor to fall asleep, then escaping to the rink at night.  He knew it was a cheap fix to a much bigger problem, and he’d break eventually.  He could only do this for so long. He conscientiously walked through their security procedures, retracing it once more for weakness, hoping to find something, anything that would be fixed and allow them to breathe again.  Volkov would make another move soon. They had to be ready.

 

* * *

  
  


**Hasetsu, Japan**

 

Katsuki Takehiko sat across from Mari as the report came through from his lieutenants.  The code quickly translated into his head.

 

_ Golden Eagle is on the move (Lilia).  Old Buzzard (Yakov) has moved the chicks (skaters) out of danger. _

 

He looked up to meet Mari’s eyes passing over the report.  She scanned the brief message before meeting her grandfather’s eyes.  The old man lifted his teacup as he considered his next move. Turning to the lieutenant, he ordered, “Put the hawks into position.  They strike with the Eagle.”

 

“Yes, sir.”  The lieutenant bowed, leaving briskly to follow the old man’s orders.

 

Behind him the older man heard a breath released and he knew Mari was thinking.  “Tokyo worries this is getting too... _ personal _ ,” he said to his granddaughter.

 

Mari rolled her eyes.  “Tokyo tends to be shortsighted.  The strategic advantage of joining forces with the northern bear should not be overlooked.”

 

Takehiko sighed.  “Tokyo is missing the point.  This  _ is  _ personal.”  He turned and looked out at the bay before them, “Besides, Tokyo has forgotten how to get their hands dirty.”

 

Mari snorted in reply before taking a sip of her own tea.

 

“Tell your mother this is a good blend,” he stated after a moment of contemplation.  “I could stand some more of this.”

 

Mari smiled at her grandfather.  In the middle of a war, with chaos breaking around him, the world restructuring itself, he could stop and appreciate something as simple as tea from her mother.  “I’ll let her know. She loves to indulge you.”

 

“Now off with you before people start thinking you work for the Yakuza,” the old man touted, a fond smile in his eyes.

 

* * *

  
  
  


**Detroit, Mi**

 

Phichit sat across from Yuuri as the older man took apart the server, inspecting the motherboard before moving on to other maintenance.  It was a task to keep him busy, occupied. But Phichit could see that with this task came a dozen others. All designed to keep him busy, and unfortunately, keep Victor unaware of the torment inside him.  Phichit knew that Yuuri would eventually have to talk, “You should take Victor out,” the Thai suggested.

 

Yuuri knew he’d been looking over his shoulder the whole time.  “I’m the last person that should be out with him.”

 

Phichit pushed again, “Well, he’s feeling hemmed in.”   _ And you’re deliberately avoiding him in some desperate attempt to protect him from your anxiety. _

 

Yuuri looked up warily.  “I didn’t say he couldn’t go out.  He was over with Pavel’s family just the other day.  Which is good. He needs time with other Russians where he doesn’t feel threatened.”

 

“You need time as well,” Phichit worried.

 

The older man released a sigh.  “I don’t think I can let it go until it’s over.  I can’t shake the feeling that something’s building up...something that will make Volkov even more dangerous.”

 

Phichit thinned his lips.   _ That’s just the problem Yuuri, something is building up, but it’s within you.   _ “And that means you can’t go out with him?”

 

Yuuri nodded, frustration creasing his face.  “I can’t relax when we’re out. I know he’s well protected...”

 

“Better than the U.S. President,” Phichit muttered under his breath.

 

Yuuri huffed but nodded in agreement.  “I’ve worked out the security measures with Akio myself.  He’ll be fine.” Yuuri stopped and put the electronics down, he turned to face Phichit and the lines of worry were written clearly across his face.  “I just...need to hold back. If we go out and I… if I’m…” He shook his head and picked up the soldering iron, focusing back on the board, “Besides...I’m busy.  Midterms. Is that what you said?”

 

Phichit grimaced, “It was a bullshit answer and he read through it.  I was only giving you time to come around.”

 

Yuuri focused on the skeleton of a system in front of him.  “I know.”

 

Phichit softened his voice, knowing he had finally gotten through to his friend.  “You’re so tightly wound, you’re either going to explode or crumple. And I worry that you will take Victor with you when it happens.”

 

They both could see Yuuri’s hand shake.  The older man withdrew the tool he clutched and set it down, blinking rapidly.  “Please…” he whispered.

 

Phichit sighed, knowing to back off.  But he still worried.

 

* * *

  
  
  


Victor squeezed his shoulders together in excitement.  “Thanks for getting me out. I was starting to feel closed in,” he stated as he skipped a little in his steps.  He was thrilled to break from routine, he would have been happy to grocery shop at this point. His only disappointment was that Yuuri wouldn’t be coaxed out.

 

Devryn laughed warmly and Phichit reached around him and gave him a quick side hug.  “Yuuri is no fun when he’s studying for an exam. I’m just more laid back,” Phichit quipped.

 

Victor’s eyes sparkled.  He had noticed Yuuri becoming more intensely focused on his books.  His answers were short and to the point. Victor knew that Yuuri wasn’t upset with him, but it still felt like a kiss off.  Even that evening as they were leaving, it was likely the three of them were out the door before it even sank in that Victor told him he was going out with the other two to the coffee shop.

 

Akio was paying attention, however, and fell in with Kimiko, Azumi, and three others.  As Victor went into the shop, he breathed in the rich smell of coffee. The little Russian man didn’t even love coffee that much, but the normality of going to a coffee shop for a quick bit of nosh was enough to send him.  They made their orders before grabbing a table. Victor slung his bag over the back of the chair.

 

“What’s in that thing?” Devryn asked.

 

Victor blushed.  “Not much...this is my small bag.  Just my wallet, a journal, two or three books, and...well, my small makeup bag.”

 

Devryn snorted and Victor shifted uncomfortably at first.  Then Devryn quickly put him at ease. “I’m just thinking that my gear bag for hockey might be a good fit for you when traveling.”  He watched Victor smile and relax, “Okay, so is your small makeup bag Phichit small or smaller?”

 

“I carry the basics,” Phichit explained.  “Eyeliner, mascara, lip gloss.”

 

_ Pft.  Amateur. _  Victor smiled at the tiny bag Phichit described and thought of his own.  “Well, all that but I also have some sunscreen and moisturizer...ummm, hand lotion.  Then I guess, there is a quick meds bag...Advil, Tylenol, plasters…”

 

Devryn grinned as he trailed off.  “So a  _ little  _ more.  I just carry a wallet in my pocket and my phone in a different pocket.”

 

He hunched his shoulders together.  “I may be a little high maintenance.”

 

Devryn laughed, ruffling Victor’s hair.  “Not too bad.”

 

They continued to chat until their numbers were called, leaving their seats as they talked about their practice schedule.  Turning back to their seat, they saw her...a woman sliding something into Victor’s bag.

 

“What the hell!” Phichit called out, lunging towards her but Devryn’s arms wrapped around his waist like a vice.  Akio already had his eyes on her and directed Kimiko and Azumi to tail her. The other guards closed ranks on Victor while Akio retrieved the bag.  The small cafe seemed to suddenly fill with men rising from chairs and jumping into action. A few patrons overturned their drinks in an effort to avoid the scene, but otherwise the men moved with swift precision.

 

“Home!” the security chief ordered, and they quickly escorted the three of them out.  Victor was surprised to see an SUV already waiting to pick them up as they walked out but followed Akio’s instructions into the backseat and was joined by Phichit and Devryn.  With two firm taps on the hood, Akio sent the SUV off. Victor turned to look back at Akio holding his bag, his attention already turned in the direction the others ran towards, his hand on the earpiece.

 

Turning back to the others, he took in their wide eyes.  Dropping his chin, he murmured, “Sorry. I guess this was a bad idea.”  Victor felt his eyes begin to tear up, the danger past he began to worry he had ruined the other couple’s date.

 

Phichit reached over and squeezed his hand, a reassuring smile already in place.  “Maybe they’ll catch her this time.”

 

* * *

  
  


Victor ran to Yuuri as the three of them burst through the door and the older man pulled him into his arms protectively having already heard the report from Akio.  “I’ve got you, Vitya. You’re safe now.”

 

Victor stepped back hugging himself.  “I just...wanted a day out. I had friends.  I had bodyguards. And sh-she still got to me.”

 

Yuuri rubbed Victor’s arms, feeling the chill across the skin, “No, love.  She may have gotten to your bag, but not you. You are safe. And she...took the bait.”

 

Victor blinked at his words, surprised.  “Bait?”

 

Yuuri nodded.  “Akio and I’ve been waiting for their next move.  It was inevitable.” He pulled Victor back in and kissed the silver head, letting Victor pull back.  “I didn’t want you to be afraid. But we knew that once we took his eyes, that he’d make another move.”

 

“And you let me go out anyway?”  Victor was fighting through his doubts, his fears, his feelings of betrayal, not for certain what happened.

 

Yuuri knew that Victor was confused.  He’d been kept out of the loop and deserved to know everything.  “Do you know how many went with you today?”

 

Victor’s eyes slid to the side as he thought of the men in the cafe, then the car. “Besides Phichit and Devryn?  Six.”  _ That didn’t seem right, there had to be more... _

 

Yuuri shook his head, gathering the younger man to him once more.  “No less than twenty all strategically placed.”

 

Victor remembered how the cafe seemed to react to the woman, how everyone, even the waiter all seemed to jump into action.  This scene had been created, entirely, to lure that woman out into the open. All those people knew, but Yuuri had kept him in the dark.  “And...I couldn’t know?”

 

Yuuri heard the hurt in his voice.  “Your nerves would have given it away.  I...well, we...didn’t know if they’d make the move today...and it’s not the first time I’ve surrounded you...but it was his move and we were preparing our defenses.  You going out today drew him out.”

 

Victor nodded quietly, thinking about the activity that flew around him, recalling the car that was there all-too-soon, and ready to sweep him away in a route cleared for them.  “I-I was safe.”

 

“The whole time...as safe as with me in the apartment.”

 

He then lifted piercing blue eyes to Yuuri and asked, “What did we achieve?”

 

Yuuri frowned, surprised by the direct question.  “We gained a better idea about the agent here in the States and if you let me go out to meet Akio, we’ll figure out what went in your bag.”

 

Victor thought of the bag, the way the lady was easily able to dip her hand in the satchel.  “It couldn’t have been big.”

 

“It...doesn’t have to be.”

 

“Do you think it’s another camera?”  Pursing his lips, Victor asked the question he feared.

 

Yuuri stilled, watching the face, “I’m not sure, Vitya.”

 

Victor chewed his lip uncertainly, one hand holding the opposite elbow.  “I suppose I’d better let you go.” He then stepped forward and kissed him.  “Be careful,” he said, rocking back.

 

Yuuri’s emotions overtook him.  Even though this was the outcome he had hoped for, the chance of hurting or losing Victor took too much out of him.  He caught the younger man and pulled him close, catching Victor’s gasp in another kiss. “I’ve got everything I need right here,” he whispered as he released Victor whose cheeks bloomed into a lovely shade of pink, staggering back to Phichit who rolled his eyes as he guided the younger man back over to the couch.  “I’ll be back soon.”

 

* * *

  
  


Yuuri riffled through the bag in Akio’s kitchen.  Books, Victor’s phone, keys, a notebook...he thumbed through pages and rattled out the keys with a frown.  Small papers fluttered down. Yuuri picked each one up. Small notes in Victor’s handwriting.  _ Victor’s going to kill me.  I’ve lost all of his places. _  His eyes flicked back to the books, then over to the small gathering of bookmarks.  Picking through them one by one, he could see some were handmade, some collected, some were encouragements, others geeky.  He smiled at one with a quote from _ Pride and Prejudice. _

 

_ “To be fond of dancing was a certain step towards falling in love.” _

 

He remembered dancing with Victor and the smile teased his lips as he considered a lifetime dancing with him.  Looking up, he could see Akio watching him. The older guard nodded to the pile. As if reading his thoughts of a long and happy life together, the guard admonished, “We’ve got to keep him alive first.”

 

Yuuri blushed at how readily he could be read.  “Yes, the piles.” He looked at the items again, all things he had seen prior, or those which simply looked as though they belonged.  “This is all familiar, it all rings of Victor.”

 

“We watched her slip something in there.  It was small, like these bookmarks,” Akio pointed out.

 

Yuuri sorted back through the objects once more.  Then his eyebrow furrowed. “The weight of this one feels off.”

 

Akio took it from him and studied it beneath the work lamp.  With a frown, he began separating the paper with his fingernail.  As they peeled back the cardstock from the backing, hidden between, they discovered a tiny electronic device.  Small. Easily hidden. Looking at the other man, he said quietly, “This is a tracking device.”

 

Yuuri frowned.  “We...will be on the move more.  I suppose that makes sense. Volkov knows Victor will be traveling and wants to keep an eye on those movements.”   He then thought about their apartment. “I know we’ve been through the apartment both times after we found things that didn’t belong, but...could you go through and sweep it again?”  He couldn’t shake the sensation of being watched when he moved from room to room.

 

Akio nodded.  “Of course. Let’s get Victor and Makkachin out first.”

 

“We can go visit Ashley,” Yuuri suggested.  It was close but gave the men room to work. He stood up and headed over to retrieve his boyfriend.

 

“What did you find out?” Victor asked him, his voice low as they stepped into the hallway.  Phichit was close on their heels.

 

“There was a tracking device.  It was small, in the paper of a bookmark.”

 

Victor frowned.  “I wonder if they took one of my bookmarks when they were here.”

 

“I don’t know.  It was well assembled, so you wouldn’t suspect it wasn’t one of yours.  I only noticed because the weight was off.”

 

* * *

  
  


Victor sighed as Yuuri knocked on Ashley’s door.  As the door open, Ashley of course greeted Makkachin first, before looking up at the two of them and Phichit beyond.  Pursing her lips, she rose, hands on hips, and demanded, “What’s wrong?”

 

“Someone planted a tracking device in Victor’s bag.  I have Akio sweeping our apartment once more,” Yuuri stated bitterly.

 

She sighed pulling them into her cozy apartment.  Three dogs were curled up on the respective pillows but they jumped up to greet Makkachin.  She happily joined them, playing and barking until Ashley turned to give a sharp command. They all turned and sat down.  Makkachin hesitated but with the others falling in line, she followed suit.

 

Ashley turned to her kitchen, inviting the men to follow her.  “Now, let’s make some tea. Victor’s nerves have to be all jittery.”

 

Victor nodded.  Then he sniffed, eyes starting to blur up.  He was crying before he knew it. Yuuri started towards him but Ashley held up her hand and instead took him in a firm hand leading him to the kitchen.

 

“Perhaps you can help me make a proper Russian cup of tea,” she suggested firmly. 

 

The odd request did its job, distracting the young man from his sorrows and focusing his mind on something else.  “D-do you have j-jam?”

 

She frowned at the question before answering, “I think I have some blackberry jam somewhere.”  Occupying him with a task, Victor was soon able to regain control of his emotions. They set up the tray and Victor offered to carry it into the living room where Phichit and Yuuri waited.  Ashley held him back, taking his hand, “Are you better now?”

 

Victor nodded.  “It’s just...I want him to leave me alone.”

 

She sighed pulling the silver head down to her forehead and holding his eyes.  “You just stay strong. Every show of strength is a loss for him. If he’s going to chase after you, throw it in his face.  Okay?”

 

Victor drew up his height and nodded sharply.  “Thank you, Ashley.”

 

“Any time.  Now let’s get this tea out there before it gets cold.”

 

As Victor sat next to Yuuri, his boyfriend produced his satchel.  Taking a sip, of his tea, he eyed the bag suspiciously, then he noticed Yuuri’s face.  His boyfriend had a sheepish look on, as if he were worried about something. Setting the cup on the table, Victor pulled it into his lap and began looking through the contents.  Then all of the loose notes fluttered into his lap and his eyes widened. “Dammit, Yuuri! You lost all of the places in my books!”

 

Ashley and Phichit erupted into laughter as Victor’s mini-tirade soothed quickly.  The only true danger was of Victor forcing Yuuri to read his entire collection of Russian literature as penance.

 

* * *

  
  
  


The sweep turned nothing up.  However, as the three returned to the apartment, Makkachin on their heels, they still cast wary eyes around the space.  It was as if they couldn’t trust anything, not even their own senses any longer. Then something shifted, probably disrupted from the search, and fell on the floor causing them all to jump.  As they cautiously peered into the kitchen, the started laughing at the sight of a plastic storage container sitting on the floor.

 

“We’re a mess,” Victor pointed out.

 

Yuuri and Phichit both nodded in agreement as the older man bent down to pick up the container.  Looking up at the others, he knew they were waiting for him to tell them what to do. But he was honestly out of ideas.  He settled the container and guided them back into the living room. Sweeping the room with his eyes, he rested them on their computers.

 

“You know...she did hack the registration system.  And the security cameras…” he began.

 

Phichit gave Yuuri a disbelieving look.  “You don’t think she could have hacked our computers, do you?”

 

Yuuri shrugged, “I’m saying...it’s possible.”

 

“Our defenses are strong, Yuuri.  We can’t hack them with Big Bertha.  We’ve both tried.” Then Phichit’s eyes rested on the MacBook Air sitting on the coffee table.  “Victor’s, though…”

 

Yuuri’s eyes followed Phichit’s to what they often referred to as the toy computer.  “Shit!” Turning to Victor, he asked, “Do you mind…”

 

Victor nodded, climbing onto the sofa.  Makkachin crawled into his arms, they sat watching Yuuri and Phichit working together to check his protocols.  Phichit had it hacked within five minutes...but neither found signs of anyone else in the system, nor the footprints a hacker would leave behind.  Just to be sure, Yuuri added a few more buffers and a more secure firewall. Phichit brought a small sticker shaped like a hamster to cover the camera.

 

“It will peel right off if you want to use it.”

 

“I...never use my computer camera.  I use my phone for video calls,” Victor stated with a frown.  “So...it was okay?”

 

Yuuri nodded as he closed the lid.  “Yes, but now you’re all set with better filters.  To be safe, I want you to use the data and never attach to the local wifi, okay?”

 

Breathing a sigh of relief, he nodded.  “Thanks, guys. I...what a day!”

 

Yuuri laughed but his nerves could be heard in the wobble.  Victor leaned forward and slid his arms around his neck from behind pressing a kiss behind his ear.

 

“It’s going to be okay...because we’re still fighting,” he whispered.

 

Yuuri looked up at him pulling Victor’s hand to his lips to kiss the fingers.  “I know...I just hate for you to go through this.” With a light tug, Victor was in his lap and Phichit cleared his throat enough to wave good night.  Then Yuuri’s stomach growled. Chuckling, he added, “I guess with all of the excitement, I forgot to eat.”

 

“Why don’t you let me fix you something?” Victor offered as he stood up.

 

Yuuri reached for his fingers once more.  “Something light...then let’s curl up in bed together.”

 

Victor winked as he moved away from him.   “I love the way you think.”

 

* * *

  
  
  


Victor stepped out of his shower to Yuuri holding his towel.  “Thank you...I don’t think I could be...close...not without washing off the day.”

 

“No problem,” Yuuri answered, leaning in to kiss him, swallowing the answering giggle.

 

“Let me finish!” Victor answered, a warm blush covering him from head to toe even as he swatted at Yuuri’s hands that were now sliding down his back.

 

“Sue me...I’m impatient,” Yuuri answered, his kisses moving to the side of Victor’s neck.

 

“Yuuri…”  Victor felt himself caving, his neck turning to give Yuuri better access.  “Yuuri...we need to…” Another kiss, teeth, gentle sucking. “Oh, god...bed...Yuuri…”

 

The older man chuckled even as he tugged on Victor’s hands.  As they hurried down the hall, the towel was lost somewhere along the way.  In their room, Yuuri resumed his kisses backing Victor up until his legs hit the bed.  Victor dropped down to sitting, not breaking the kiss and pulling Yuuri along as he scooted back to the pillows.  Tugging at Yuuri’s clothes, he pouted, “You’re way overdressed.”

 

“We should take care of that,” he teased softly.  

 

Two pairs of hands flew through his clothes, unbuttoning, unzipping, pushing the shirt off of Yuuri’s shoulders, sliding the pants down his hips.  Perfect pink lips then closed around Yuuri’s nipple bringing a gasp from the older man. 

 

“Fuck,” Yuuri breathed even as Victor climbed on top of him.  “Please…” he begged as fingers slid down to grasp his length. Long, thin fingers pulled the two of them together and Yuuri knew this was what they wanted, desperate to get off with one another, hips moving as they worked together, Yuuri’s hand sliding down to take hold of the two of them, falling into rhythm with Victor.

 

Lips parted, breaths quickened.

 

Moans slipped free, only to be swallowed by the other in a kiss.

 

Yuuri’s breath hitched and warmth spilled between them even as he tasted Victor’s heady breath in a kiss.

 

Victor moaned into a sigh, his seed mixing with Yuuri’s.  The older man pulling his lover into his arms, kissing him, loving him even as they snuggled into each other’s warmth.

 

“We could have done so much,” Victor murmured.

 

“Vitya, you are enough...and I’d follow you anywhere...even down a rabbit’s hole.”

 

Victor laid still in his arms, enjoying the love surrounding him.  Then he giggled as he recognized the reference.

 

“What?” Yuuri asked curiously.

 

“I was just thinking...does that mean next time you’ll eat me?”

 

Yuuri raised an eyebrow and gave him a wicked grin.  “Who needs a next time?” he asked as he rolled Victor over.

 

And as Yuuri lowered down Victor’s body, he felt his own breath hitch as Yuuri swallowed him down.  Closing his eyes, he remembered their first time...and the many times that followed. “My Yuuri…” he breathed.  “Love me...forever.”


	56. My Little Phoenix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor and Yuuri head to the Cup of China and Victor is excited to see his Russian family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some violence in this...subtle but present.
> 
> Thanks to Magrathea and BluSkates for the edits. I really appreciate you both. :)

* * *

 

[ My Little Phoenix ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=niWEDh6gCpU)

 

**Cup of China, Beijing, China – 11/5-7/2010**

 

Victor bounced on all of his nerve endings.  He lived between being glad to be out of Detroit, but afraid to be in the spotlight, glad to see his Russian family, but terrified that  _ he  _ would be there...somehow.  Yuuri would catch little ticks that he had noticed in the younger man, and give him a reassuring squeeze of his hands which seemed backwards to Victor.  He was supposed to be there to support Yuuri.

 

Letting his thoughts drift, Victor thought about his poodle.  Back home, Phichit once again had Makkachin duty but the Thai man would leave next, leaving the two of them in charge of the hamsters...although Devryn offered.  Victor paused in his nerves to consider the captain of the hockey team. The man was sweet to Phichit but he was a pillar of strength to all of his friends, Victor included.  He was considerate to Phichit but steadfast between Victor and the threat in the coffee shop, quick to move between him and the threat while staying in place as the guards moved to get him out, the other two following.  With a smile, Victor decided Phichit could do worse.

 

He watched their relationship curiously.  It was different from the one Victor shared with Yuuri.  The other couple did kiss...occasionally. But mostly they showed their affection through hugs and holding hands, and on more than one occasion, Phichit called Devryn his  _ snuggle buddy _ .   _ Were they dating?   _ Yuuri said yes.  Not that any official announcement was made.  Phichit’s demonstrations of affection seemed similar to those shown to Victor or Yuuri, just on their own terms.

 

“They sleep together,” Victor pointed out as they discussed their roommate the night before they left.

 

Yuuri laughed and stated, “That’s not really a sign of anything.  I’ve slept with Phichit...more than once...and we weren’t dating. He likes physical contact...on his terms.  He likes to snuggle.”

 

Victor forced himself to swallow down the wave of jealousy.  He didn’t like to think of Yuuri in anyone’s bed but his, platonic or otherwise, and Yuuri snuggling with anyone had him feeling almost sick.  “But they  _ are _ dating,” Victor stated, half questioning.

 

Yuuri nodded.

 

“How do you know?”

 

“I just do,” Yuuri murmured leaning in to kiss Victor.  “Phichit is asexual but he does have romantic inclinations.  And he’s openly loving and protective to his friends.”

 

“Like when he calls you his son,” Victor teased.

 

Yuuri laughed.  “Yep. He calls you his baby boy.”

 

Victor made a face at that.  “I don’t know how I feel about that.”

 

Yuuri hugged him close.  He knew Victor’s reticence about the nickname...they told each other too much.  He knew. Mikhail had manipulated Victor, using his insecurity about his age, his inexperience against him.  Victor had endured horrific abuse at the hands of a man playing the experienced older man, and left the silver haired man prejudiced against seeming, or being treated, young.  Holding him close, Yuuri whispered, “You are  _ my  _ beautiful, strong man, my darling Vitya.  Trust me. I know you are every bit a man.”

 

Victor blushed, shivering under his praise, turning into his arms and reaching for his kisses.  “And far from asexual.”

 

Yuuri laughed and nodded, ducking down to kiss those lips before murmuring, “There was a time when I thought that I was.”

 

Victor studied him as he rose up, blue eyes taking in every nuance of his expression.  “I can see that. You...don’t give your heart easily but when you do, it’s for always. Like turtle doves.”

 

Yuuri lit up at the analogy and observation, “And you?”

 

Victor smiled softly under his regard, blush filling his cheeks and traveling down his neck.  “I’ve only truly loved you, since the very beginning. I made mistakes…”

 

Yuuri covered his lips with two fingers as he whispered, “Shhh...that’s in the past.  And the mistakes were all Volkov’s when he mistreated you.”  _ And mine, my darling, if only I’d said something sooner. _

 

Victor nodded, glad to abandon that train of thought, that shame.  “I love only you, my Yuuri. I think in any lifetime, you would be the one I seek.”

 

They tucked into one another, sharing kisses, not seeking anything too physical, just the intimacy of the moment.  As Victor fell asleep, he heard Yuuri’s whispered “I love you.”

 

Now Victor held Yuuri’s hand beneath the shared blanket on the plane, but the tender touch of a single finger running up and down his let him know his lover was thinking of him.  He turned his head and smiled. Then the flight attendant announced their descent and he felt the nerves start to gather once more, his smile slipping. A squeeze of his hand distracted him, grounding him.  Yuuri somehow knew.

 

* * *

  
  


In China they stayed with the skaters, an entire floor had been secured for the Russians, Yuuri and Victor, Chris and Lawrie, and the guards.  Yuuri wanted Victor to have access to his family without worry and this seemed the best solution. As they stepped off the elevator, Victor broke away and ran into the midst of the others milling in the hallway, gaining hugs from Ivan, Dmitry, Katya, and Pyotr.  Yura leaned out of the room he was sharing with Yakov and watched Victor warily. When Victor scruffed his hair, the green-eyed monster hissed at him. Victor just laughed, going on into the room to see Yakov.

 

The old coach studied him with both the eyes of a coach and those of a father.  “You’ve gained weight.”

 

Victor pulled back, worry emanating out every pore of his body, “You said I needed it...and Yuuri makes sure I eat properly.”

 

The coach nodded with a frown.  “You look very well, Vitya. I want you on the ice tomorrow.  I’ve secured a practice rink for us.” Nodding to Yuuri who stood just inside the door having a staring contest with Yura, he added, “He can come, too.”

 

Victor grinned.  “You might as well include Chris.”

 

“Sometimes I think you forget these people are all your competitors,” the old coach groaned.

 

Victor hugged him and murmured, “I won’t give an inch but I’ll compete with dignity and honor.  I can afford to be friends with honorable men.”

 

Yakov grunted but Victor caught the slight movement of his lips that indicated a smile.  “I’ll send the practice times. You can forward it to the necessary people.”

 

Victor nodded, his eyes caught by the guards in the hall.  There were more than the ones that traveled with them and he frowned, his eyes going to Yuuri.  “So many…”

 

“Some came ahead to secure the hotel and scope out our locations and travel routines ahead of time,” Yuuri explained, his eyes holding Victor to reassure him.

 

Victor nodded.  Turning back to the old coach, he asked, “What’s the plan for dinner?”

 

“Private dining room for our floor.  Catered by one of our sponsors.”

 

“Good.  I’ll just clean up from the flight and grab a quick rest.”  Victor squeezed Yakov in a hug once more, feeling the large comforting hand on his back in response.  “I’m glad to see you,” he whispered.

 

In their room, Victor took a shower and came out to Yuuri settling in their belongings.  Sliding into the sheets naked, he dozed off until he felt another damp form joining him. “Yuuri,” he murmured turning in those arms, their bodies slotting together, limbs entangled, one head tucked under the other’s chin.

 

“Rest, my darling,” Yuuri whispered in reply.  And they stilled until the alarm sounded on Yuuri’s phone.

 

* * *

  
  


Yuuri blinked his eyes, glaring at the alarm.  Then the unfamiliar surroundings hit him and he felt the moment of panic of not waking up in his own bed.  However Victor’s movements and his arm reaching to turn off the phone pulled him from his thoughts. The silver haired man muttered in a groggy voice, “We have to get ready for dinner.”

 

Yuuri nodded, following his boyfriend upright.   _ Did we really sleep naked and not make love? _  Victor crawled across the bed and gracefully reached for his clothes, sliding on his underwear and shirt in fluid movements.  Yuuri was certain that his own movements were clumsy, like a staggering drunk. He even hopped at one point trying to get his leg through the hole.  Then came pants and he felt overwhelmed by the task. His head wasn’t processing how everything came together and Victor seemed to pick up on that as he reached for the pants and pulled them onto the correct legs.

 

Yuuri smiled a thank you at the man helping him dress.  “Jetlag,” he explained.

 

Victor nodded, the explanation wasn’t necessary as Victor pulled him to his feet and helped him finish dressing.  In the bathroom, Yuuri sat on the toilet seat as Victor handed him a toothbrush ready to go following up with his own.  Victor so naturally got both of them ready, Yuuri was certain they’d been married for years. Hair. Makeup. Socks first, then shoes.  Then they were out the door heading down the hall even as they bumped into Chris and Lawrie along the way.

 

Chris raised an eyebrow.  “Jetlag?”

 

Victor nodded.  Yuuri grumbled something that might have been an answer.

 

His friends laughed at his struggle.  All he knew was that the world didn’t process quite right as he moved into other parts of the globe.  He could pull it together if necessary. But not today. Yuuri allowed himself to be pulled along, escorted by those he trusted most in life.

 

The small dining room was laid out not only for the skaters and coaches but also for the security team, the latter of which rotated through leaving half on post.  Victor scanned the room, unsure where he wanted to eat. Yuuri leaned in and whispered, “It’s okay...go spend time with your family. I’ll hang with Chris, Lawrie, and our coaches.”

 

“I don’t want to be rude,” Victor worried.

 

Hugging Victor from behind, he added, “Why do you think they arranged this?  It would be rude not to sit in the middle of them. I won’t be far and you are safe, Vitya.”

 

Victor took in a steadying breath and nodded, walking directly towards a chair in the middle of the skate team.  There were two chairs, actually, but when Yuuri didn’t take the second, the younger Yuri took his place.

 

The Japanese man watched him, soft eyes and a tender smile, as both Victor and Yuri started showing pictures of their pets to one another.  Chris leaned in and asked warmly, “How is he doing?”

 

“We still have bad days...it doesn’t help that Volkov makes his presence known every so often.  But...he’s stronger.”

 

Lawrie nodded in approval.  “I can tell. And you? How are you, my friend?”

 

Yuuri hugged himself then shivered, before shaking his head.  He knew the therapist his best friend was in love with would not allow him to deflect or dodge the question.  “I don’t know. My anxiety keeps me in a constant state of hypervigilance. I know...I can’t keep this up for this much longer, something is going to break soon.  I...don’t know if I fear it or welcome it.”

 

Lawrie pursed his lips thinking of the strain the man had been enduring for his boyfriend, but also very aware that a break, while a release, was never good or healthy.  The therapist put his arm around Chris as the man moved forward towards his friend. “Remember, you do have friends to help you bear this,” Chris reminded him gently.

 

Yuuri nodded echoing with the words, “I know.”  He scratched his forearm before moving to the other end of the table.  Victor could be heard giggling and catching up with the others.

 

Down the table, Victor began cataloging his friends.  Georgi sat with Anya, his expression smitten, hers...not so much.  The younger man felt sad for his friend.  _ I didn’t really know you until you had to help me.  But...you didn’t waver. _  His eyes flicked to Anya.   _ Don’t hurt him.  He’s got a good heart _ .  Dmitry and Ivan were playful to one another but Yuuri could see they were guarding their behavior.  Katya and Pyotr talked about Mila and that’s when he realized his playmate wasn’t there.

 

“Where is Mila?”

 

They exchanged glances before Katya whispered, “Things were so bad they took her into the countryside with our babushka.”

 

Victor’s brows furrowed then he zoned in on the other missing body.  “And Lilia?”

 

The table went quiet.  Victor’s eyes moved from person to person, eyes dropping, hands busying themselves with their utensils.  It was Yakov that answered him, his voice firm. “She’s taking care of matters in Russia.”

 

The silver head bobbed looking around the table, his voice growing concerned, “But she’s safe?”

 

Yakov’s voice was solid, his faith in the tiny woman was unshakeable.  “She knows how to handle herself. She wouldn’t want you to worry about her.”

 

Victor waited for Yakov to say more but nothing more was said.  After a short silence, Yura asked, “Do you think you can show me your footwork sequence into a triple flip tomorrow?”

 

Victor turned to smile indulgently.  “Of course. I’ve got to practice my program for Yakov anyway.”  After that, the conversation flowed easily through the evening. As dessert approached, however, his eyes drifted down the table to find a pair of brown eyes.  They lingered, weariness both from travel and the stress of their lives settling on their shoulders.

 

As dessert was removed, the party began to break up, the guards escorting them up in small groups to maintain the security on the upper floor.  Two guards took boxed dinners up to the guards that remained on duty for the evening while they ate.

 

Victor stumbled into the hotel room, Yuuri not far behind.  This time, it was Yuuri assisting his partner, taking off his shoes and socks, removing makeup, combing his hair while Victor brushed his teeth.  Victor yawned as he chatted about the evening, Yuuri indulgently listening as he tugged the shirt off. Guiding Victor back into the bedroom, he lifted a set of pajamas but Victor frowned and shook his head.

 

Yuuri tucked him in and started to turn to his computer when he heard Victor whine.  “Sleep with me, Yuuri.”

 

“I was going to just check my email,” Yuuri began.

 

Victor shook his head stubbornly reaching towards him.  Yuuri shook his head indulgently. His boyfriend was Yuuri’s greatest weakness.  Yuuri shed his clothes and crawled into bed wearing only his boxers and Victor nestled into his arms.  

 

“Better?” he murmured against the silver head.

 

Victor nodded and Yuuri could hear a muffled, “Mmmhmm.”

 

Chuckling, he held onto the body.  He had every intention to wait until Victor fell asleep and return to his computer in order to check through the security measures in place, double check protocols, but Yuuri slipped off to sleep once more.

 

* * *

  
  


Mitvei watched the hotel from across the street.  The connection with the Baranovsky family wasn’t lost on him as he watched the Russians check in.  So many Russians. To an outside observer, he could get close...but they would know him. And security had practically doubled.  The boss wasn’t in good shape, either, their last communication was erratic. He peeled off the skin to the apple in his hand with his knife, eating it as he considered the activity in Russia.  He didn’t care. He wasn’t loyal to the boss, this was about money. And when that ran out, he’d take the boy for himself. He grinned at the thought of leaving his own mark on that boy’s skin.

 

As he stepped back in the shadows he failed to feel the sharp blade against his throat until it was too late.  Warmth ran down his chest and his breath caught in gurgles as he struggled to take in air. He caught the eyes of a woman cleaning her steel from the stains his blood left behind as he was dragged back by two men.  The men grunted, looking down at his body as the life drained from it, like human garbage in the street. The woman stayed to watch the life slip from his eyes, she said nothing to him. It was just a job. He could respect that.

 

* * *

  
  


Yuuri and Victor rolled out of bed with protests the next morning.  They ignored the first alarm (on Victor’s phone). The second alarm was silenced without consideration (on Yuuri’s phone).  The call from the coach went to voicemail. Then the pounding of two firm fists on the door demanded their attention. Victor sat up and huffed.  He knew the one fist well. Yuuri groaned and rolled out of bed. Pulling on their robes, they shuffled to the door and let in the angry men.

 

Neither one could say they understood the annoyed and angry tirades that followed.  One was in Russian, which Victor could follow without a problem except the other was a mix of Italian, English...and was that Cantonese?  He frowned at Yuuri and mouthed, “Does he speak Cantonese?”

 

Yuuri shrugged.  If it was any Asian language, it was certainly a bastardized form of it.  However, they understood one thing was clear. They had ten minutes to get their asses to the lobby.

 

Yuuri and Victor knew how to dress quickly.  And makeup wasn’t necessary for this first practice.  It was private and there would be no press. Down the elevator, skate bags slung over their shoulders, guards a respectful distance.  

 

Soon they were loaded up and on the way, a small motorcade headed towards the rink.  People moved out of the way assuming the passengers were important with that kind of a force.  They weren’t, but that was fine. Yakov would take advantage of it since Victor was involved with making them late.  Yura sat already immersed in his Nintendo DS. Victor stared out the window, his cheeks pink for causing the delay. Yuuri leaned his head back, feeling the jetlag hangover persist.  His coach must have picked up on it because he pressed a water bottle into his hand.

 

Once on the ice, they woke fully, loosened up, and went through the paces.  Victor was drilled harder than Yuuri. He would be in Russia before long for his second leg in the Grand Prix series.  Yuuri went through his normal routine of preparing for competition. He then worked with Yura who was off to the side and somewhat neglected.

 

“So how are you doing?”

 

“They said Grandpa could stay with us,” Yura responded.

 

Yuuri blinked before responding, “That must be nice.”

 

The blond shrugged.  “It would be, but he refused.  He comes to visit me, though. So I guess I see him quite a bit.  It would be easier if I didn’t have to be guarded.”

 

“Hopefully it will be over soon,” Yuuri murmured.

 

The boy leveled hard green eyes at him and asked, “At what cost?”

 

Yuuri didn’t have an answer.  He didn’t want to dwell on the cost.  He hated to go down that path. Men and women paid to put their lives on the line for him, for Victor, for Phichit even...and yet were their lives any less valuable?  Could he face his sister if Akio died saving him? Could Akio if their roles were reversed? No, Yuuri couldn’t go down that path. He just had to prepare for the worst...and hope for the best.  

 

He let his eyes rest on Victor who was receiving a chewing out from Yakov, back straight, expression intent as he took in all of the old coach’s words...except Yuuri knew otherwise.  Victor was half-daydreaming but the important parts would sink in. The bits where the coach emphasized. Finally, Victor nodded sharply, skated another round and then performed a flawless quad flip.  Yuuri couldn’t help the smile on his lips. It was a defiance, a statement that screamed, _ I’m not broken.  I’m a phoenix and I’ll rise from my ashes again and again if necessary. _

 

_ Don’t make it necessary. _

 

_ Don’t let anything happen to you. _

 

Yuuri had to shake himself out of his spiral of thoughts.

 

_ I can’t fall apart.  Not here. _

 

He offered a shaky smile at the green-eyed monster.  “I’ll be back.” He then made a hasty escape, grabbing his guards as soon as he hit the rubber mat, walking firmly down the hall, past the locker room, looking for someplace, anyplace...where he could be alone.  The door opened, and as his breath hitched, he sank to his knees in the darkness next to the mop bucket.

 

He worked through his breathing, forced himself through exercises and waited.  He knew it wouldn’t be long.

 

As if on cue, the door opened and kneeling before him was the experienced coach.  “Breath for me, Yuuri. In...one...two….out…” The coach guided him through the exercises, his training as a sports psychologist was why he was chosen for Yuuri.  He didn’t bat an eye at the cocktail of meds the boy was on. He catalogued it and adjusted the information as needed, keeping clinical charts next to training charts, working in tandem with Yuuri’s psychiatrists in Detroit and in Japan.  “Let’s build an image…”

 

Yuuri shook his head.

 

“Yuuri…”

 

Yuuri shook his head.  “Image of Victor...what if I can’t save him?”  His voice shook. He was thankful the guards would have the route to where he sat cut off.  He didn’t want Victor to hear this, didn’t want Yakov to hear. Everyone needed his courage to be unwavering, his faith dauntless.

 

The coach’s expression softened.  “It’s not your job to save him, Yuuri.  It’s your job to support him. Only he can save himself.”

 

“And what happens if it all falls apart?”

 

The coach sighed as if saying  _ I guess we’re doing this _ .  “Then you help him pick up the pieces.  Yuuri, it’s not  _ you  _ that you have to believe in.  It’s him.”

 

Yuuri blinked as he processed those words.  Because he did believe in Victor. He watched time and time again as Victor steeled himself after his feet faltered.  He refused to give up. He slowly let the coach pull him to his feet and into the open. He felt pale and cold but soon a blanket was wrapped around his shoulder.  Another water bottle was pressed into his hand. And as the coach guided him back out of the hallway, past the locker rooms, and on into the rink, Yuuri could see Victor standing by the barrier, waiting...and worried.

 

He left his coach’s grasp, blanket still wrapped around his shoulder.  Victor reached over the barrier to cup Yuuri’s cheeks focusing his eyes on his partner.  Yuuri fought the sob at first then he felt his breath hitch and one tear broke through the dam.  Victor didn’t say a word. He gently wiped the tear with his thumb.

 

“I got locked in my head,” Yuuri whispered.

 

Victor nodded, concern in his eyes but holding fast, waiting for Yuuri to continue.

 

“I thought...I had to bear all the weight.”

 

Victor shook his head.  “We fight together, Yuuri.  Remember the analogy. One stick alone breaks, a bundle holds strong.  We fight together. All of us. You. Me. Phichit. Chris. Your family.  Mine. All of us. Together.”

 

Yuuri let the words sink in, they were cutting through the fog of his anxious thoughts.  “I’m sorry.”

 

“Don’t be.  Just let it go.  Let us work with you.  You are strongest when you do.”

 

Yuuri nodded.  He knew he wouldn’t be allowed back on the ice after breaking down.  Turning to the nearby chair, he whispered, “I’m going to just sit here and watch you for now.  Show me how beautiful you are.”

 

Victor smiled, drawing himself up straight.  Nodding to his coach, the rink was cleared and Victor ran through his routine, start to finish...and it was a thing of beauty, a phoenix setting the world on fire.  That was his Vitya.

 

* * *

  
  
  


Once Yuuri cleared his head, the competition was easy, no one was surprised when the Japanese Ace took the gold, securing his position in the Grand Prix Final.

 

Next stop, Moscow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Four more chapters left! Are you ready?


	57. And the world turns upside down…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are happening in St. Petersburg putting everyone on edge...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies...I was tied up in a workshop and forgot I hadn't posted. Here's your next installment. Only 3 chapters left!
> 
> Thanks so much for the edits, Mags and Blu! I appreciate you both.

* * *

 

 

[ And the world turns upside down… ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yLa88r4_h_4)

 

**Detroit, MI**

 

“Yuuri, did you read this?” Victor was shaking his phone in front of him but the tremble was from more than urgency, as illustrated by the pallor of his face.  Yuuri gave his boyfriend a concerned look but took the phone and read the headline on the news source:

 

**_St. Petersburg Police Struggle to Maintain Order_ **

 

> _ St. Petersburg - Police have doubled their efforts to curb the growing violence in the streets as the warring gangs create havoc on the docks.  Nephew of former head of the shipping corporation International Trading LLD (ITL), Mikhail Volkov, had been orchestrating business in a ruthless and, as witnesses allege, illegal manner.  Readers will remember that the former head of the business was found dead only a few weeks ago, his body badly mutilated. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ However, sources reveal that Volkov and his affiliates have given up the pretense of running the docks and the ITL is currently under liquidation by the government.  This news is welcomed by other trading companies who had been locked out of trade with Japan and China as a result of Volkov’s leadership. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ While the new head of the shipping corporation in St. Petersburg has not been available for comment they are issuing information through an intermediary which insists that Volkov, ITL, and the former governing body of the docks and warehouses were no longer in power and would not be welcomed to a negotiation table in the future. _

 

As Yuuri read the text, reading through the lies to understand the truth of what the report was giving, the original crime family had fallen but little was known yet about the new family in charge.   _ Of course not.  Lilia was better than that.  But if the Volkov’s had lost power, what did that mean about Mikhail?   _ Looking up at Victor, he knew the younger man’s thoughts had made those connections as well.

 

“Yuuri…” Victor’s voice was shaky as he reached for his phone.

 

“I know...Phichit and…”  He blinked.  _ Oh, Phichit’s in competition.  _  “I’ve got this.  Don’t worry. I’ll call Akio and find out what he knows.”

 

Victor nodded, then his eyes went wide.  “And Sofu?”

 

Yuuri ran his hands down Victor’s arms, hoping to calm him.  “Yes, I’ll definitely call home.”

 

Victor’s eyes were wide and blinking rapidly and Yuuri knew he first had to settle his partner.  He pulled the younger man in his arms and murmured, “It’s going to be okay.”

 

“How can you say that?  We don’t know anything yet.”  Victor’s voice was close to breaking.

 

“Why don’t you go see who’s marked safe on Facebook.  Then you can make contact along the peripheral.”

 

Victor pulled back and chewed his lips.  Looking up he asked, “So...not Lilia.”

 

Yuuri knew he didn’t feel safe about that.   _ Not yet. _  “Talk to Yakov and ask him if it’s safe to call Lilia.  He may tell you she’s fine but can’t talk. He could tell you she’ll call you as soon as she can.  But then you’ll know.”

 

Victor calmed at that, the hope giving him a mission.  “But I can call Yakov?”

 

Yuuri nodded.  “Yes...on the secure phone.  The special number he gave you.”

 

Victor nodded, clutching his phone to his chest and settling in the chair in the corner.  Yuuri could hear the Russian in the background, the sounds of worry and panic. He reached for his own phone.

 

Yuuri switched into Japanese, lowering his voice and moving into the hallway.  “Mari, what’s happening?”

 

“Hold on.  Let me get someplace secure.”  There was a rattle and the sound of a door shutting.  Then she was back. “I’m headed to Sofu’s now, in the car.  This is what I know: Four groups launched on Volkov and took the faction out.  They are down, no chance of recovery.”

 

Yuuri licked his lips, this was good but he worried not enough.  “And Mikhail?”

 

Mari sighed heavily down the line.  “The snake is still loose...disappeared before the militants reached him.  But he’s powerless. His men, what was left, had completely deserted before the groups even came in.  They cut his legs off. Both Madame Baranovskaya and Sofu are tracking him down but...it couldn’t hurt for you and Phichit to use some of your magic.”

 

Yuuri let out a shaky breath, it wasn’t what he wanted to hear but it was better than he feared.  “We’ll get on that. Are his financials nailed down?”

 

“What we could get our hands on.  It appears he had liquidated quite a few assets.”  She was quiet for a moment before she added, “The men we interrogated were begging to be free of him.  They said he was quite mad, talking to a...demon.”

 

After what they experienced with Victor and what Yuuri’s mother had told them, the Japanese man didn’t discount that information out of hand.  “You know the family history. The demon craves blood.” Frowning, he added, “How do we keep Victor safe?”

 

“We’re pulling up at Sofu’s residence now.  I know he sent some changes to Akio. I’ll find out what else we know.”  She was quiet a moment before adding, “Yuuri, stay safe. Do not take any extra risks.”

 

As he disconnected, he turned to look at Victor who sat staring at his phone.  “What is it, Vitya?”

 

“Yakov is going to tell Lilia to call me.  But he said it might be a while. He promised me that she’s safe.”  Victor hugged his knees to his chest, his phone on the chair in front of him.

 

Yuuri knelt down in front of the chair, “And the others?”

 

“All in Moscow at the Manse.  That’s where he wants us to come when we arrive in Russia.”  Victor looked up, his blue eyes shining with unshed tears, his skin pale, and a tremble in his lip.  “I’m terrified to go to Russia.”

 

Yuuri climbed up in the chair behind him and pulled Victor into his chest.  Running his fingers through the younger man’s hair, he murmured reassurances.  “Both Lilia and Sofu are using all of their resources to find him. We’ll be well protected by a veritable army.”

 

“He got me before,” Victor pointed out.

 

“You had one driver,” Yuuri reminded him.  “Since then, have we ever traveled with less than a dozen men?”

 

Victor turned his body into Yuuri’s arms, fear trembling through him.  Whispered reassurances didn’t settle him. Then his cellphone rang.

 

“Vitya,” the familiar voice greeted him.

 

Victor sat up quickly, “Lilia, you’re okay.”

 

“Of course I’m okay.  Do you think some riff raff can get to me?”

 

Victor breathed a sigh of relief.  Then he asked, “What now?”

 

“Be the strong boy we raised you to be.  The rest will be taken care of,” she stated.  Then she lowered her voice and stated with authority, “Don’t give him an inch, Vitya.”

 

Victor gasped and he nodded before he spat out, “Yes, Madame Lilia.”

 

“That’s my boy.  Remember, that you, yourself, said you are stronger.  Take stock of your resources. It’s time to call them all in play.  But don’t discount those fighting for you over here. Now, give me that boyfriend of yours.”

 

Victor handed over the phone to Yuuri, eyes wide.  Yuuri leaned in and asked, “Yes, Ma’am?”

 

“Yuuri, can you take a little walk?” she said, her voice low.

 

Yuuri stood up, slipping from behind Victor and patting the chair for Makkachin as he headed down the hall.  “Okay, talk to me.”

 

“Mikhail cut loose from the St. Petersburg faction is even more dangerous.  He may not have the resources he had at his disposal but...he’s got the flexibility to make personal moves.  He’s not stupid, he’s crazy. Every man we interrogated said as much.”

 

“That’s what I’m hearing from my grandfather as well,” Yuuri agreed quietly.

 

“Travel on private planes, well guarded, Yuuri.  Keep men on him at all times. He knows you are in Detroit, he knows your address.  Honestly, I’d feel better if you both were in Moscow.”

 

Yuuri blinked at that thought.  “Wouldn’t that make it easier?”

 

“The Moscow Manse is a fortress, Yuuri.  And the only reason to leave will be practice and that building is almost as secure.”

 

Yuuri considered her arguments and found them very sound.  “And I can blend my men with yours.”

 

“As many as you can bring.  If you agree, I’ll send a plane myself.”

 

“I’ll call Grandfather.  He wanted to switch out some of our guards as well.  It will take me a day to coordinate everything on this end.”  He began to think about the apartment, the animals in their lives.  “I’ve got Phichit’s hamsters…”

 

“What?”

 

Yuuri shook his head, realizing he had been speaking.  “Oh, sorry...I’m making a mental list and I guess I was thinking out loud.  I’ll keep Victor on lock down and occupy him with packing. But...I agree, this is the best option.”

 

Disconnecting the call, his hands barely shook as he made the next call.  “Sofu? I want to arrange a flight to Moscow.”

 

“Into the lion’s den?” his grandfather asked.  He could hear his sister in the background mutter an expletive.  “Hush, Mari, this isn’t a bad plan. The last place the viper would expect Yuuri and Victor to return is Russia.  He’d look for him here...and we’ll make it look like that. Commercial flights set for Fukuoka, send two men in your place, someone that looks like you.  Akio will arrange the paperwork.”

 

“Won’t that put you in danger?”

 

The old man laughed bitterly.  “I hope he makes his move in my territory.  It will give me a chance to show him our...hospitality before turning him back over to Madame Baranovskaya.”

 

Yuuri frowned and didn’t want to get into the politics between them.  All he cared about was keeping his family safe...and that included Victor’s.  “So we need to set our departure time to align with that of the decoy and play the shell game.”

 

“Exactly.  I’ll trade out the men that are pulled off to travel with the decoys with other men.  You will be covered well.”

 

Yuuri breathed out.  He liked the plan, but the execution of it was daunting.  “Then, I need to tell Vitya.”

 

“No.”  Sofu’s voice was grave, he spoke quickly, predicting the question on his grandson’s tongue.  “It’s imperative that everyone believe you are coming here to me. And that means even he should think that.  Victor is smart, but there’s no artifice to him. He will betray the truth with little nods and accidents. Nothing that a normal eye could catch, but the spy Mikhail has on you is not an ordinary eye.”

 

Yuuri looked back into the room, seeing Victor smile at Makka as the poodle cuddled into him.  He hated lying to this man, more than anything, but he also knew the wisdom in his grandfather’s words.  “You’re right.”

 

* * *

  
  


Victor was making a list of everything they needed and only looked up when Devryn and Pavel showed up.  “We hear we have hamster duty,” Devryn teased trying to keep his voice light.

 

Pavel, on the other hand, gave Victor a worried look.  “Are you coming back, Vitya?”

 

“Of course, Pasha,” Victor stopped what he was doing, crossing the room to his new and loyal friend.  He responded with a warm smile. “We just have to go to Japan for now. Yuuri’s making arrangements with our professors as we speak.  Oh!” Victor turned back to his list and wrote down three books he would need. “I can’t forget those.”

 

“Will you be able to contact us and let us know you made it?” Pavel worried.

 

Victor smiled and shrugged.  “I’m sure Yuuri will be in touch with Phichit and he’ll be back home by Monday.”

 

“You seem pretty calm,” the other Russian observed.

 

Victor sighed as he glanced around the room.  “I...don’t want to go. But it’s the best way to keep me safe.  My family can protect me. Until this is all settled.” He turned and looked as though he really saw the other man for the first time.  Blinking he reached out for Pavel, “You just be careful. Your pictures, both of you, have been taken with me. If anyone approaches you, stay in a public area and tell them what you know.”

 

Pavel shook his head, “But…”

 

“It’s not like he can’t hack the airline and see that we’re going to Japan,” Victor pointed out.

 

Devryn brought the hamsters into the living room and they both gave Victor a hug.  “Tell Yuuri we’ve got things under control on this end and I’ll keep an eye on Phichit.”

 

Pavel looked from one to the other and then squared his shoulders.  “We both will.”

 

Victor chewed his pencil and nodded.  “Good...someone’s gotta keep him out of trouble.”

 

They left and Victor started gathering things.  “Yuuri said we won’t need to ship things but to get everything I will need over the next few weeks,” he said to Makkachin.  “It’s like he doesn’t know me at all.” On the bed, every suitcase Victor owned laid open and were filling up fast. “It will be nice to see Mama Hiroko again.  I really do miss everyone.”

 

Victor heard the door open and went out to greet Victor.  “Did you ask one of the guys to bring Makka’s crate from storage?  She likes to sniff it and make sure it smells like her before she travels.”

 

Yuuri smiled indulgently.  Truth of the matter, they would knock her out.  But whatever Victor needed to tell himself. “It will be up soon.”

 

Victor moved around the room picking up last minute items to put into piles.  “And you have everything I need?”

 

“Yes, there should be emails sent to you.  You can submit via Blackboard online. I’m doing the same.”  He stood in the doorway, shifting uneasily. “Are you ready?”

 

“Just about.  What time’s the flight?”

 

“It’s an early flight.  We leave at four in the morning.”  He followed Victor back to the bedroom and his eyes widened.  “This is what you’ll need?”

 

“You said it’ll be a few weeks,” Victor pointed out.

 

“Yes, but there are laundry facilities, Victor.  You won’t need an outfit for each day.”

 

Victor huffed and started to unpack one of the bags when he felt Yuuri’s arms wrap around him from behind, a hand over his.  “No, leave it, Vitya. I’m sorry. If this is what you need to feel comfortable, take it. We’ll figure it out.”

 

In the end, Yuuri had two suitcases and a carry-on.  Victor had seven, one just for his books, and one holding his quilt and his favorite bunnies.  Patches was nestled into the carry-on. Victor looked around in a final survey as he yawned. “I hope Phichit’s going to be okay.”

 

“I’m leaving some men to watch over him.  Don’t worry.”

 

Victor leaned into him.  “I guess...it will be okay.  Because we’ll be at home and there are plenty of men there.”

 

He missed the grimace as Yuuri directed him to bed.  He stayed up a little later making the final arrangements and instructing their dopplegangers of their mission.  Finally, he settled into bed next to his lover.

 

* * *

  
  


Four a.m. came too soon and they were quickly out the door, Victor and Yuuri both groggy but being handled by the men with practiced ease.  However, Victor became more alert as they drove and his eyes widened and he elbowed Yuuri. “This isn’t the way to the airport,” he whispered.

 

Yuuri roused just enough to look around and then say, “We’re taking the private jet.”

 

“Oh,” Victor responded settling back in.

 

On the plane, their gear was stowed and Yuuri took a seat next to Victor.  As the plane took off, he took this moment to tell Victor, “So plans have changed.”

 

“They have?” Victor asked, eyebrows knitted in confusion.

 

“Well, the ones I shared with you.  There is a couple going to Japan, a pair that looks very much like us.  But...we’re not.”

 

Victor’s face froze, “Wh-where are we going?”

 

“Moscow,” Yuuri said quietly.

 

Victor’s eyes widened in panic.  “But he’ll get to me.”

 

Yuuri’s hands were quick to capture Victor’s hoping to ground the man.  “That’s why we made a trail of breadcrumbs leading to Japan.”

 

Victor hands were cold in Yuuri’s grasp, and his voice was raised high in panic.  “But this flight is registered.”

 

Yuuri tried to calm him again, “You need to trust me.  I can’t tell you how, but we will be safe.”

 

Victor nodded.  “I trust you, Yuuri.”  After a moment, though, he asked, “But why didn’t you tell me?”

 

“I didn’t want you to spend the day afraid.  We’re staying at the Manse. Madame Lilia has requested this and Sofu made the additional plans for our safety.”

 

“I guess...with two mafia bosses looking out for me, I should be okay,” Victor surmised slowly.  Then he sighed as he turned to the window. “I was so looking forward to seeing Mama Hiroko and enjoying her cooking.”

 

Yuuri embraced him from behind, both looking out the window as the plane soared to travel altitude.  “I promise we’ll go to see her before we head back to Detroit.”

 

Victor leaned into Yuuri and closed his eyes.  “You better be glad I packed for Russian cold weather.”

 

“Well, you knew we’d be in Russia in another week anyway,” Yuuri pointed out.

 

Victor huffed and pretended to sleep until he didn’t have to pretend anymore.

 

* * *

  
  


**Baranovsky Manse, Moscow, Russia**

 

Victor squealed as he greeted his family, feeling their love and the warmth of their hugs.  Even little Yuri hugged him. Makkachin barked happily at the familiar scents of family. As the days continued, Victor realized it wasn’t just him but all of them who were under constant security.  He even caught a glimpse of Lilia. She accepted his warm hugs and assured him that she was fine but she didn’t stay long. After her meetings were finished, she returned to St. Petersburg to handle business there.

 

One thing was for certain.  No one knew where Mikhail was and that had all of them nervous.  However, with Victor occupied in the huge manse, Yuuri could hole up with his computer and dig through data trying to find the rat.  Once Phichit returned home, he was able to join in.

 

* * *

  
  


**Rostelecom Cup, Moscow, Russia, November 18-21, 2010**

 

With Yakov in charge of their training and his in particular, it wasn’t surprising when Victor performed so well at the Rostelecom Cup.  It was noted by the press that the security was overbearing, with many of the online press members not able to attain access, and many speculated that there were some dignitaries at the event.  As Victor took the head of the podium, his gold in proud display, the stats showed that he was second place in points, right below Yuuri. He didn’t stay long talking with the press, implying he had a flight to catch.

 

Another misleading flight, another pair of doppelgangers headed to Japan, and Victor was nestled back into the Manse.  Both Yuuri and Victor obscured their appearance when riding to and from the rink, hoodies and sunglasses becoming the standard uniform for travel for most of the skaters.

 

Yuuri stared at his computer, talking to Phichit via chat in the sidebar.

 

**Yuuri/ It’s like he vanished, no money trail.**

 

**Phichit/ I’ve tracked all of his known aliases.**

 

Yuuri frowned in thought.

 

**Yuuri/ What if it isn’t an alias he’s used before?  A lot of people died while he was in control. It wouldn’t be hard for him to take one of their identities.**

 

**Phichit/ Good thinking.  I’m on it, tracking all known associates.**

 

As he climbed into bed behind his lover, he couldn’t quiet his thoughts.   _ How can he just disappear? _


	58. Who lives, who dies, who tells your story…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GPF in China...and it's ch. 58 (only two more left).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Those who are following Mikhail's side will want to read [Insensed Sensibility](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13205118/chapters/35876211) by BluSkates that just went up as well. 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! And thank you, BluSkates and Magrathea.

* * *

 

 

[ Who lives, who dies, who tells your story… ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLjHB86hn34)

 

**Grand Prix Final, Beijing, China – 12/9-10/2010**

 

Yuuri and Victor came out of their short programs neck and neck with Chris and Phichit not too far behind them.  Before the crowds created confusion, they were whisked back to the holding area. The press would meet them in controlled area.  As they walked down the back hall to a secured conference room to be interviewed, they overheard reporters talking about the heightened security.

 

_ “I joined a friend at a Meet the Press with the U.S. President.  It was very similar to this.” _

 

_ “Well, Katsuki’s grandfather is pretty high up among Japanese officials.  It wouldn’t surprise me if he’s gotten threats.” _

 

_ “I heard someone attempted to kidnap him a few years back.” _

 

_ “Yeah, not long after he went to Detroit, I think.  I know he picked up the heavy bodyguard after that.” _

 

Yuuri leaned in and whispered, “It’s like they think we can’t hear them.”

 

Victor rolled his eyes and answered, “Sometimes I wear earplugs so I don’t.”

 

Finally in the small reception hall, the skaters were shepherded to a raised area set up with tables and mics.  On the dias, they faced the press.

 

The reporters were packed into the room, which should have easily handled the traffic however there number of press seemed to grow to almost double at this event.  Through the din one reporter stood quickly with a question ready, “Katsuki, you seem to be under heavy guard. Can you tell us what’s going on?”

 

Yuuri thinned his lips.  He received at least one question every season regarding his entourage.  He looked out at the sea of faces, all nodding in agreement at the question.  The press were used to being kept at a respectful distance to the reclusive skater, however they could see that this was different.  “A consequence of being considered a celebrity.”

 

The looks on the faces of the seasoned reporters, the ones who covered figure skating and knew Yuuri, all spoke of their disbelief.  Normally that lie would have quieted their suspicions and the questions about the season or event would start. However, the reporters were not about to drop this, “You live a rather lowkey life when not skating, your social media presence is practically silent, and your hardly an influencer.  It’s hard to believe this intense guard is due to celebrity life.”

 

Yuuri huffed, fighting his annoyance.  If the young man with the phone was hoping to goad him into a fight then he would have to come at Yuuri with a better insult than ‘you’re not InstaFamous’.  “While I appreciate that I don’t have the internet clout of Simply_Kenna,” Yuuri appreciated the snicker that traveled through the crowd at the reporter’s expense, “if one has fans, then there is always someone obsessed.  Can we move on?”

 

A chuckled went through the crowd and the word “newbie” passed from reporter to reporter. Yuuri saw reporters he admired and knew smirking towards the back as the cellphone journalist regained his seat.  They knew Yuuri wouldn’t talk about his guard. Finally, Morooka stepped forward and asked, “Skater Katsuki. Your theme this year is love. When can we expect the wedding?”

 

Another chuckle in the mists and Yuuri laughed even as he blushed, his eyes resting on Victor.  “I suppose I’d have to propose, first.”

 

Victor leaned in teasing, “Unless I beat you to it.”

 

That lightened the mood.  The questioning then focused on their skating.  “Mr. Nikiforov, can you tell us about your theme?”

 

“I chose hope,” he replied, his eyes resting on Yuuri.  “I was not in a good place when Yuuri reached out to me, and he helped me to find hope again.”

 

The questions made their rounds, each skater getting some spotlight.  Finally, Ciao Ciao called an end and the press filed out. Yuuri slipped an arm around Victor who was visibly tired and leaning heavily on him.  “How are you doing?”

 

“My exhaustion is keeping me from thinking about everything else,” Victor said dully.  “I think I’d like to go back to our room and die now.”

 

Yuuri frowned at his word choice but didn’t comment.  Nodding to the guards, they moved in and escorted them out.  “Do you want to eat something?” He almost knew the answer. Victor didn’t always eat well when he was focused on competition but Yuuri knew he needed to get the right level of calories.  “Why don’t I order some finger foods and we can watch a movie,” he suggested.

 

Victor pouted at being obliged to eat and used the leverage to make a deal.  “Only if Chris and Phichit will join us.”

 

Yuuri laughed warmly.  “I think that can be arranged.”

 

* * *

  
  


In their room, Chris and Phichit were helping each other stretch, Lawrie and Victor were arguing over movie choices, and Yuuri was left to decide on the menu.  Soon, room service delivered with a variety of dumplings, spring rolls, and steamed buns. Chris and Phichit piled onto one bed with Lawrie. Yuuri passed around the dishes and the opening credits to  _ Inception _ came on.

 

“Did you get this the day it released?” Yuuri asked Phichit as he nodded to the screen.

 

Phichit nodded proudly.  “I remembered Victor wanted to see it.”

 

“It’s an interesting concept, a dream within a dream.  It definitely plays with the idea of paradox,” Victor commented.  “Kind of like a tesseract, a four dimensional cube.”

 

“I thought you were a Lit major,” Chris declared.

 

Victor laughed.  “I am...it was mentioned in  _ A Wrinkle in Time _ .  I was curious.  There are a number of paradoxes in  _ Alice in Wonderland _ , too.”

 

“Those seem like advanced concepts for children’s literature,” Chris pouted.

 

“ _ Alice in Wonderland  _ really isn’t for children.”  Victor grinned. “I was probably nine when I read them.”

 

They snuggled in once they finished off the food and focused on the movie.  As Yuuri had predicted, Victor was asleep before the halfway point. Yuuri winked at the others as he tucked the blankets around the sleeping form.  At the conclusion of the movie, Chris and Lawrie moved to the adjoining room leaving Phichit and Yuuri still on their phones. So as not to disturb Victor, they texted back and forth.

 

**Yuuri/ He’s doing better than I thought he would.**

 

**Phichit/ It just bothers me that MV still alludes us.  I dug and dug, there’s just no trace. I’ve never come up with nothing.**

 

**Yuuri/ He’s ghosted us and gone deep underground.  Lilia and Sofu have had no signs of him, either.**

 

**Phichit/ Are you sure?**

 

**Yuuri/ They have kept me in the loop so far.  As long as I ask directly. And I’ve been living in Moscow.**

 

**Phichit/ It just feels like things have been too quiet.**

 

**Yuuri/ Cue in spaghetti western music.**

 

Phichit looked from his phone to his friend across the room narrowing his eyes.

 

**Phichit/ I’m serious.  It’s like he’s been lying low just so we’ll let down our guard.**

 

**Yuuri/ But that’s just it, we haven’t.**

 

**Phichit/ Not yet.**

 

Yuuri looked across the room at the black eyes of his best friend, this time those eyes were wide with sincere fear.  Phichit’s words echoed through his mind, giving Yuuri a restless night, twisting in his dreams. Yuuri woke in a cold sweat and as he reviewed the latest dream, he shivered at the idea of a snake striking at his neck and pulling Victor away from him.  Turning to Victor, he could tell his lover wasn’t sleeping any more peacefully. His clothes were sweated through, the sheets twisted, Yuuri knew he needed to get Victor out of his t-shirt so he wouldn’t get chilled.

 

He went to the bathroom and wet a washcloth, taking the time to first wash himself down.  Then, upon rinsing it, stopped at the dresser to pull out a fresh shirt. He then pulled the sheets away.  Victor roused as the cool air hit his skin and came more awake as Yuuri started wiping him down, cooperating with the change in shirt.  “I think I have a little bit of fever,” he murmured in response to Yuuri’s ministrations.

 

“Maybe so but we’ll get you taken care of,” Yuuri soothed as he helped Victor get his limbs organized and into the t-shirt.  “Do you want to change pajama pants?”

 

“Maybe...just underwear,” Victor answered wearily.  Once Victor was cleaned up and the bedding back in order, Yuuri joined his boyfriend feeling Victor seeking him out for comfort.  “Keep dreaming about Papa.”

 

Yuuri frowned, very aware of his own strange dreams, and an uneasiness settled onto his shoulders.  “What kind of dreams?” he prompted.

 

“Dance with Mama...then I see blood...then he says he thought I’d be safe.”

 

Yuuri tightened his arms.  “We’re probably keyed up from weeks of being on edge.”

 

“Months,” Victor corrected.  Those clear blue eyes were slowly closing under the heavy lids again.  “So many months…” Victor faded back to sleep and Yuuri held onto him, needing him close after those dreams.

 

* * *

  
  


Yuuri watched Victor skate  [ Only Hope ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmt9XtMrEnk) while standing next to his coach.  Celestino had flown in with Phichit taking Yuuri immediately to a rink to review his programs.  That had been three days ago. Of course, the coach wasn’t worried. His skater was in the care of Yakov Feltsman, one of the foremost figure skating coaches in the world, aside from Frank Carroll the most sought-after coach in the industry.  And after Yuuri’s success, Carroll would undoubtedly step aside. This partnership the two coaches maintained with one another seemed to only be making the skaters better. As proved by Victor as he landed his quad flip leading into a beautiful step sequence that only Yuuri could choreograph.  Yuuri watched him with a determined gaze and a smile giving away how proud he was of the younger skater. As Victor came off the ice, their eyes met and Victor winked at the older skater before joining his coach in the Kiss and Cry.

 

Yuuri stepped out on the ice, warming up a few laps while listening to the press wind down, waiting for Victor’s scores, and stopping in front of his own coach.  “Focus on your program, Yuuri. Let everything else fall away.” Yuuri looked up at his coach but all he could see was the snake in his dream. Celestino saw immediately that his skater was a million miles away.  “Yuuri…”

 

“I’m fine, coach.”  He shook it off. He turned to Victor seeing his hands go up to his face as his score is announced.  “He’s not going to make it easy on me.”

 

His own coach laughed heartily.  “You wouldn’t have it any other way.”

 

With a grin, Yuuri nodded sharply as he backed up on the ice.  Moving into his starting position, he waited for the opening strains of the song Victor picked for him from  _ Romeo and Juliet _ .   [ I’m Kissing You ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qP7nBXWElXY) .  He allowed the music to fill him as he launched into his skate.  He skated their story, the slow build of their romance as they got to know each other, the fear of losing each other, then regaining one another.  And as Yuuri settled into his final pose, he still wasn’t certain he won. Skating to the Kiss and Cry, he met his coach and he met his boyfriend who joined him while he waited his scores.

 

Victor leaned in, tears glistening his eyes, and murmured, “It was so beautiful, Yuuri.”

 

“I just thought of us,” the older man answered, pulling Victor in and kissing the top of his head.  

 

Then the score was announced and before Yuuri could do the quick calculations in his head, they answered his question.  “Victor Nikiforov has taken the gold by mere tenths of a point from Yuuri Katsuki. We have a new Grand Prix Champion!”

 

Victor’s eyes went wide and then his hands steepled over his nose as emotion overwhelmed him.  Yuuri’s arms went around him, congratulating him, telling him how proud he was. The bronze medalist and one of their best friends Chris, came down and joined them and the press had a field day capturing photos of both the bronze and silver medalists hugging their congratulations with the gold.

 

The skaters stayed in the call box as the skating officials had the staging set for the medal ceremony.  Yuuri noticed his own guards frowning at minor lapses in safety. Once in place Victor skated out first, the small, lithe form coasting easily to the red carpet then taking the center podium, bending to receive his gold medal.  That smile flashing up, watching as Yuuri skated out to his place at Victor’s left, the followed quickly by Chris to his right. The audience, already cheering wildly, went mad as Victor tugged Yuuri into the top podium to deliver a kiss.  They held hands during the victory lap around the rink, Yuuri was too focused on Victor’s shining elated face to notice that the chatter amongst his guards had picked up, and even the ISU officials were being pestered by the rent-a-cop security of the rink.  After the ceremony, the crowd thinning out, the skaters of course had to deal with the press gauntlet. Being led into a larger room than yesterday Yuuri noticed the displeasure on Kimiko’s face, but he was quickly whisked up onto the platform and into his seat.

 

“Mr. Nikiforov, how much of your win do you attribute to your close relationship to Mr. Katsuki?”  Yuuri recognized the voice as Andrea Joyce, one of the veterans to report on this sport.

 

As Victor’s eyes rested warmly on Yuuri, he responded, “I don’t know if I’d be here without this man, so I suppose all of it.  We each picked the other’s free skate and helped each other with the choreography. Of course, our coaches fine tuned them, but Yuuri’s continuing support gave me the strength and courage to keep fighting.”

 

Yuuri leaned in to add, “Of course, his hard work and dedication is what pulled him to the top.  It’s been a constant battle to keep up with him this season. I can’t wait to skate with him in future seasons.”

 

Tom Hammond of NBC motioned to the platform, “Some would say you both have had a rather unconventional training year.  Has that helped or hindered your skating?”

 

They exchanged glances before Yuuri answered, “It just  _ is _ ...we made the best of what we had while meeting one another’s needs.”

 

“We gained so much this year,” Victor added.  “I can only think of the good things at this moment.”

 

Chris chuckled and the reporters turned their attention to the Swiss.  “These lovebirds have been so adorable, you can’t help but love them. I’ve worked with both of them, though, and they drive each other hard on the ice.  I knew I had to work hard to compete against them. Neither gave an inch.”

 

At the close of the interviews, Yuuri and Victor were surrounded by their bodyguards as they left.  More murmurs about celebrity life could be heard as they parted and let the skaters leave. Standing on the steps, they were laughing, their eyes training on the Land Rover, one of three, waiting to receive them.  The audience had taken a longer time to thin out than usual and the surge of people was massive. Yuuri picked up on some of the annoyed grunts from Akio, smiling at the way the man worried. However as they struggled closer to the car the crowd seemed to increase, almost keeping them from it.  The crowd was crushing them and suddenly Yuuri felt compelled to just get Victor inside that car as quickly as possible.

 

Victor turned, his eyes straining through the crowd.  As the bodyguards finally cleared a path, Yuuri’s eyes were locked on the black SUV ahead of them, but Victor saw the glint of light against gunmetal just before a shot rang out.  Victor moved quickly as panicked screams pierced the air around him. Security fought to get the crowd under control. The bodyguards, however, had two focuses. One to secure their principals, the other, to apprehend the target.

 

Akio was barking orders as Kimiko crouched down to the two skaters lying on the ground.  One skater was covering the other and blood was everywhere. Trained in emergency triage, she quickly assessed the situation.  As she rolled Victor off Yuuri, she realized the younger skater needed to be stabilized immediately.

 

Yuuri slowly rose dazed, looking around in confusion his glasses knocked from his face in the fall... _ did I fall? _  Feeling around he found them.  There was something on them. Something on him.  He felt sticky. Then it sank in what had happened and in panic he screamed, “Vitya!”

 

The sirens overwhelmed all other sound, and soon the EMTs took over for Kimiko, who refocused on Yuuri.  She watched as the young man was bundled off on a gurney with Akio riding along. “Yuuri-san, he’s being taken care of.  We need to calm you down and get you to the hospital.” Yuuri sat before her, his breathing was becoming more labored by the minute and she could see the beginning signs of hyperventilation.  “Yuuri,” she stated firmly, grabbing his shoulders and digging in, allowing the pain to focus his thoughts. “Breath with me.” She began counting off the breaths. “In...one...two...out...one...two.”

 

“I need...I want...to...go...with him,” he called out between breaths.

 

“We’re going to take you, Yuuri, and let them have room to work in the ambulance.  Okay?”

 

Yuuri nodded.  He was trembling but he nodded, letting her help him to his feet.  Six guards surrounded them and quickly secured him into the Land Rover.  They followed right behind the ambulance. Yuuri saw Yakov enter the hospital right before him.  _  When did he get here? _

 

Covered with blood, there was some confusion as to whether or not Yuuri needed emergency care.  “No...no...Victor. He came in an ambulance.” A gentle hand was placed on his arms. Turning, he saw the younger skater Guang Hong.

 

“Let me help,” he said quietly.  Stepping forward, he spoke in rapid Mandarin.  The intake nurse answered in quick response after several interchanges, Guang Hong tuned back to him and murmured, “He’s in surgery.  There is a waiting room nearby.” He then led Yuuri to the space. 

 

Looking at his watch, it was broken.  It must have broke when he fell, when Victor pushed him to the ground and out of the path of the bullet.  It was stuck on the time of impact.  _ Six o’clock. _


	59. Six Hours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor's life hangs in a balance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And to drive the motif into the ground...a whole chapter dedicated to six.
> 
> Thanks so much to my editors Magrathea and BluSkates (happy birthday, Blu!).
> 
> This is my favorite chapter...I love the way it's arranged. I hope you love it as well.

* * *

 

 

[ Six Hours ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ZE12e0dhp8)

 

_ Six o’clock. _  Yuuri looked up at the clock on the wall.   _ Only forty minutes passed.  Is that in time? Are you okay? _  Feeling someone nearby, he turned his eyes to meet Yakov’s.  The old man took his hand.

 

“Our Vitya is a fighter.  You know this. He won’t give up without a fight.”  The coach’s voice carried the sorrow, the fear, but also the determination he felt.  Yuuri could see this man calling out across the ice at Victor,  _ get up, it’s just a bullet wound, skate it off! _

 

Yuuri nodded, fighting the sob threatening to come up.  After a moment, he was able to grit out, “Wh-why did he do it?  Why did he step between us?”

 

The eyes that studied him were warm as he answered, “You know why.  The same reason you would have done the same if you’d seen the threat.”

 

Yuuri dropped his head into his hands, the sob breaking free.  A firm hand rested on his back as he worked through the tears. It would be a long night.

 

* * *

  
  


Victor looked around the hazy space in confusion.  “Where am I?”

 

A figure moved from the shadows and although he looked familiar, Victor didn’t know him.  It approached him, Victor could see the face, even if it were misty, shifting in time old and young all at once.  The hand lifted his chin and studied him. “So much like your mother.”

 

Victor looked into the eyes, mirroring his own, “Is this heaven?”

 

The man shook his head.

 

“Hell?”  Victor looked around, eyes wide open.  The space they were in seemed to be nothing, undefined, open yet closed.

 

That head tilted as if considering that situation.  “Sort of a holding place in the middle. Those with unfinished business wait here until the matter is resolved or beyond resolution.”

 

“I died, didn’t I,” the younger man murmured, resignation in his voice.  He sat on the floor, feeling the chill of it, the smoothness under his legs.

 

Again the man shook his head and crouched down to be eye level with the young man.  “Not necessarily.” The man, turned his head, wisps of smoke fading from him, like energy coming off the motion.  “I’m dead. I know that much. I’ve been back and forth between the physical and spiritual world, I know I’m dead.  But sometimes the first visit here doesn’t necessarily mean dead.”

 

Victor looked up, chuckling.  “Good...I don’t think I could spend an eternity with that incessant beeping in the background.”  It was as if Victor became aware of the beep as he said it, beeping at the rhythm of...a heartbeat.  Sounds of voices in another language came through and the haze started to clear up.

 

The man’s eyes turned up as well, as if following the sound to its source.  But he waved his hand at Victor, “Now, you don’t want to pay attention to out there just yet,” the man told him.  “It’s not time.”

 

“What time is it?”

 

* * *

  
  


_ Seven o’clock. _  Yuuri looked up as Chris and Phichit burst into the room, Celestino and Josef not far behind.  “Oh, my god! Are you okay?” Phichit squealed.

 

Yuuri sighed and nodded.  “It’s...his.” Brown eyes rose to look past them, down the hall that led to a room where Victor’s life hung in the balance.

 

Breathing a sigh of relief, Phichit took action.  “Let’s get you cleaned up, then. Ciao Ciao, go get Yuuri’s gym bag.  Chris, see if you can find us some towels.”

 

Phichit pulled a lifeless Yuuri to the bathroom, positioning his back to the mirror to keep him calm, and ordered him to strip.  The coach entered just before Chris but neither intervened on Phichit’s endeavors. He wiped the blood off Yuuri’s skin and face not wanting to imagine the horror of a lover’s blood splattering on one’s face.  Chris reached for the glasses and began to mechanically clean them under the water. Once Yuuri was clean, fresh clothes, dug out by Celestino, were thrust into his arms and the Thai skater ordered once more, “Get dressed.”

 

* * *

  
  


“Let me tell you a story while we wait,” the older man sat down before him, butterflying his legs as Victor had done.  “You know about the family curse don’t you?”

 

Victor nodded.  “It was a pact with a demon.”

 

The man before him pursed his lips, “There was only one way to break it but everyone was either too weak or too greedy to attempt it.  My own father fed my blood to the demon as his father had before him, and all the Volkov men down the line. We didn’t stand a chance. Our blood became tainted as the incubus drank the life from us.”  He stopped and Victor watched as the man seemed to relive a painful memory of something good lost forever. “The reward was never worth the pain, the loss, the despair.”

 

* * *

  
  


_ Eight o’clock. _  Yuuri paced the floor.  “It should have been me.  I was supposed to protect him, not the other way around.”  Shock had bled into something more active and Yuuri entered the bargaining phase of his panic quickly merging with rage.

 

“I don’t think he gave you a choice in the matter,” Chris pointed out.

 

Yuuri turned and glared at him.  He was angry. Angry at himself. Angry at Volkov.  And angry at Victor. His breath hitched as he stared down the hallway.  “I can’t lose him.”

 

“Then don’t give up on him,” Chris stated gently.  He looked up and smiled as a warm cup of coffee was pressed into his hands.  “ _ Merci, mon cher _ ,” he murmured up to Lawrence as the other man took a seat next to him.

 

“What are we doing?” Lawrie asked, nodding towards Yuuri.

 

Chris leaned into Lawrie, hoping to go unheard, “ [ Stages ](https://dz9yg0snnohlc.cloudfront.net/new-understanding-the-stages-of-grief-1.png) , I believe...I think we’re at anger.”

 

Yuuri glared at him once again.  Chris looked away.

 

Lawrie nodded.  “Definitely anger.”

  
  


* * *

  
  


“You’re my papa, aren’t you?” Victor asked the man.

 

He nodded.  “I never accepted any of the demon’s offers...what I did, what I earned, they were mine.  But I was still cursed, so I get to wait here for a possible reprieve. There are others from our family like me, like you, those brought into the grief and pain against our will.  They are hiding. Watching. Listening.”

 

The apparition turned to look behind him and Victor’s eyes followed out to the darkness beyond where they sat he saw movement, the forms of those the man mentioned.  “Is that...why I’m here?”

 

His father turned back to him, Victor seeing the blue of those eyes bright against the whiteness of his face, “We’re not sure...you see, you’ve never been given over to the demon, he’s never tasted your blood.”

 

Victor huffed.  “I don’t know about that.  Mikhail made me bleed often enough.”

 

The blue eyes dropped, the father feeling his inability to protect his son even though he had tried, sacrificing his very life for that.  “True...but he didn’t feed it to the demon. It never appeared to him until you were gone. You...are a pure one.”

 

Victor blinked to his father, “What does that even mean?”

 

* * *

  
  


_ Nine o’clock. _  Celestino helped the guard carry the bags of takeout into the room.  Settling them each among groups of friends, he carried one to Yuuri. “You need to eat.”

 

Yuuri looked up, his eyes red and murmured, “I can’t.”

 

Ciao Ciao knew when and how to push, “Victor would want you to stay strong.  He  _ needs  _ you to stay strong right now.”

 

Yuuri sighed and nodded, accepting the cup of broth and noodles.

 

* * *

  
  
  


Andrei Volkov considered that question thoughtfully.  “We are trapped here, trapped by the sins of our fathers, and our own.”  Behind him the forms moved about as if aware they were being considered, some took forms that Victor could identify, men in very old fashioned clothing, hollowed faces.  “One by one we fell even though we fought it. You, however, are not held by those same bonds. As a child you weren’t offered to the demon and now, at your age, you would have to accept it of your own will.”

 

Victor furrowed his brow, standing he stepped back from his father as the ghost rose as well.  “And that makes me pure? What good does that do? I’m still here.”

 

“But...so is he…”  Andrei stepped to the side revealing Mikhail Volkov.

 

Victor’s eyes widened and he stumbled backwards, a silent scream on his lips in terror.

 

* * *

 

 

_ Ten o’clock. _  Activity brought the attention of those in the waiting room to the hallway as nurses ran down towards the E.R.  Yuuri watched as doctors followed with more equipment into the room his entire future lay on a bed. He moved, but was caught almost instantly by Lawrie’s strong hand, and a wordless ‘no’ kept him in place.  Yuuri huffed at how powerless he felt but satisfied himself with chewing his thumbnail and pacing. Before long, someone came to talk with them. “There have been some complications. They are having to stabilize him before they continue the surgery.”

 

Yuuri hit the couch hard looking pale, shock settling around him.  Turning to the others, he shook his head. “No...no...I can’t lose him.  Not my Vitya. Not after everything we’ve gone through to be together.” His head fell into his hands as the sobs broke from his chest.

 

A firm hand rested on his back and he looked up through tear blurred eyes to meet those of the old coach.  “You know Vitya is still in there fighting. Don’t go giving up on him now. He’s just being stubborn. Always has to do things the hard way.”  Yakov’s hand squeezed Yuuri’s shoulder, and the coach sat down next to him, lost in a memory of his own. Vitya refusing to leave the ice until he perfected a jump, only to twist his ankle.  Vitya insisting he could do a backflip, only to break his nose. But Vitya did perfect those jumps, and could do a backflip. He would conquer this fight as well, in his own stubborn way.

 

Yuuri hunched his shoulders in, worried and was surprised when the coach hugged him into his side.  He tensed at first but then relaxed, allowing the older man to share his strength.

 

* * *

  
  


“He can’t see you,” Andrei stated, he was at Victor’s side immediately, helping him up.  Both their blue eyes locked on the monster before them. That’s when Victor realized the full picture.  Mikhail was there but his body...it was entirely consumed by another creature, deformed and shadowed. It moved in and out of Mikhail’s body, with each push and pull tearing into the flesh, leaving ghost like scars.  Mikhail’s face was a frozen mask of repressed agony. He was in pain, but too proud to show it. Behind the mask Victor finally saw the face of what had haunted his steps. It looked at him from hollowed eyes, dark skin with long scratches carved into what could be a face without features.  Mikhail’s arm raised, as if a puppet on a string and with it came the light black smoke reaching out at him.

 

“The shadow man,” he whispered.  He took a step back as the smoke approached, but then shattered against an unseen barrier.

 

Andrei was behind Victor, light airy hands resting on his son’s shoulders, “There’s a wall between us and them.  We see them whenever they become consumed. Their death isn’t far when they reach this stage.”

 

* * *

  
  


_ Eleven o’clock. _  The doctor came to speak with them, focusing on the coach and Yuuri.  “He’s out of surgery and they are getting him settled into a room. It was touch and go because the bullet lodged into a difficult position between heart and lungs.  We had to be cautious so that we didn’t cause damage to either of those.” The smile on the doctor’s lips created a sigh that spread into the room. “Suffice to say, he won’t be figure skating for several months as he recovers.”

 

“He’s awake?” Yuuri asked hopefully, he couldn’t contain himself.  Standing, itching to be out of the room and Victor’s side.

 

The surgeon shook his head.  “This is the hard part. We’ve done our job, now he has to do his.  We wait...from this point forward, it’s up to him.”

 

* * *

  
  


Victor turned to his father and asked, “What are we waiting on then?”

 

Andrei took his hand and led him to another creature, a towering bird plumbed in feathers of brilliant oranges and golds.  “This is a firebird. She’s...the opposite of the demon...the upyr. Some would call her an angel. She is related to Gamayun and Alkonost.  She...decides.”

 

Victor took in the image, another apparition, closed eye, but somehow seeing them.  “Whether I live or die?”

 

Andrei shook his head.  “Whether you broke the curse.”

 

He looked back at his father, then past to the forms, now stilling in their movements, paying careful attention to this exchange.  “H-how...for all of you?”

 

“Yes...I didn’t know at first.  It wasn’t why I did it. I just didn’t want you to grow up as I did.”  He looked pained, seeing the man his baby son grew into, understanding the pain the boy suffered even with all the care to keep him from this life, it found him and hurt him just the same.  “After I gave you and your mother up, I learned the rest. But it wasn’t so simple as you not being made a blood offering. The very blood you carry ties you to this, curses you and keeps you whether you want it or not.  That thing,” he looked over at the shadow creature, now staring furiously at them but unable to move past its boundaries in this space, “it has its claws in you and it wasn’t enough to keep you from being surrendered to it.  You had to  _ give _ a blood sacrifice...for love.  I was too afraid to ask what that entailed.  I didn’t want you to suffer anything.”

 

Victor felt tears pricking his eyes, his voice croaked out, “You...loved me.”

 

The older man nodded, his smile taking on a warm heart shape.  “How could I not?” Turning to the firebird, he asked, “Does my son pass?”

 

The eyes opened slowly, Victor trembled at the motion, but Andrei held him still.  Beams glowed out and Victor had a sudden terrible fear of being cast into the blackness the others were trapped in, walking and crawling for eternity in this dark and cold place.  Then the light dulled, and the eyes settled on Victor’s face with a smile. Wordlessly, the tall creature nodded. A hand waved, palm up, a coin appearing then sinking into the skin in a smooth effortless motion.  Behind it the shadows of his ancestors, people cursed by the blood in their veins and never their actions grew to the form of the men that they were in life, then ascending up in white puffs, disappearing into clouds, leaving this place.

 

Andrei tightened his hold on Victor and sobbed out a relief.  “Can I wait with my son?”

 

The eyes fell on Victor’s face and again gave a simple nod.

 

* * *

  
  
  


_ Midnight _ .  The nurse came to the waiting room.  “He’s in a room now. We’ll take you to see him.  You are...husband?” Yuuri nodded, lying without hesitation, whatever would get him to his partner.   “Come. Come. I’ll take you now.”

 

The room was filled with equipment, too many machines, each with their own gentle noise.  While they were designed to be unobtrusive, their very presence screamed the dire situation Victor was in.  The silver hair sprayed out on the pillow, pink where his blood had stained it. Victor looked so weak on the bed, his skin pale.  “Is he going to be okay?”

 

The nurse translated in her head, working the words free, “There is no reason for him not to wake up.  He just has to decide.” She moved a chair next to the head of the bed, and indicated for Yuuri to sit.  “Sometimes having loved ones nearby helps.”

 

Yuuri nodded and sat, taking Victor’s hand in his.  “Vitya, come back to me.”

 

* * *

  
  
  


Victor looked up as the voice came through the haze before turning back to his father.  The man smiled warmly. “He’s calling you.”

 

“I...can go?” the childlike voice matched the arm holding onto the bunny.  

 

“Yes, son, your mother and I would both like you to have a long and happy life.  It’s time...to wake up.”

 

* * *

  
  


Blue eyes fluttered open.  Bright lights caused him to squint immediately but then he saw a dark thatch of hair and then Yuuri was leaning over him, tear stains on his cheeks.  Lifting his finger, he traced the trail. “Are those for me?” he whispered.

 

Yuuri nodded.  “I was so afraid...and I couldn’t lose you.  Not now.”

 

“I’m here...I’m not going anywhere.  I just want to be with you.” Victor’s hand traced Yuuri’s jawline, watching the brown eyes.

 

“I was supposed to protect you,” Yuuri whispered, pulling the hand he held to his lips to kiss it.  

 

Victor could feel the shaking in his lover’s touch.  With a smile, he answered, “No...we protect each other.”  Running his free hand over the bandage, he added, “I hope not to have to again, though...what happened...to Mikhail?”

 

“I...don’t know.”


	60. You Can Be King Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now for the conclusion...
> 
> Want the full story of what happened to Mikhail? Make sure you read BluSkates final chapter to Sense and Sensibility!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading Glittering Youth and thank you to both BluSkates and Magrathea for the months of edits. A special thanks to BluSkates for writing the dark Mikhail POV. It really added another dimension to this story.

* * *

 

 

[ You Can Be King Again ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dS5GfL9F7L4)

 

After Victor woke nurses and the attending physician came into the room.  Yuuri stepped out the way, but wouldn’t leave the room. Victor had a quick check up and had his situation explained.   The doctor recognized ICU dementia, more commonly called ‘deer in headlights’ and repeated his instructions to Yuuri who listened and ticked off lists in his head.  The doctor gave the attending nurse instructions before leaving, she remained in the interim room, watching the monitor.

 

Victor blinked at the ceiling, his expression troubled.  Yuuri held onto his hand, thumb rubbing circles over the surface.  He watched the feet twitch under the sheet and knew Victor was getting antsy.  “I had hoped…”

 

Yuuri knew Victor’s mind wouldn’t be easy until Volkov was dead, buried, and possibly encased in concrete.   _ Grandfather can figure out how to make that happen.   _ “Vitya, my focus this entire time has been on you...and Kimiko and Akio have let me have that.  I can step out and make calls...but honestly, I don’t want to leave your side just yet.”

 

The younger man swallowed and nodded.  “Someone should tell Yakov,” he murmured.

 

Yuuri nodded in agreement but was still unwilling to let Victor go just yet.  Victor’s eyes closed, his breathing eased as he dozed back off. Yuuri saw the pupils dancing under the lids, and saw Victor had drifted into a peaceful rest.  Finally, he left Victor’s side long enough to go tell the others he woke up. Returning to the room Yuuri saw the nurse working with a physical therapist to remove some of Victor’s monitors.  The movement roused Victor back up, but even his groan of protest was considered a positive sign. The nurses smiled indulgently at each other as the man struggled to help them, only to get more tangled in monitors, scratching at the sticky residue they left behind on his skin.

 

Then blue eyes blinked at the door as the man who was his only sense of the word father for the longest of times filled the space.  The old coach’s face crumple into the tears he had denied himself all these hours. The relief pouring out of his body. “Yakov…” He held his hand out weakly, but the old man crossed the floor and took the hand, sitting next to Victor who winced in response.

 

“Oh, sorry,” the old man apologized starting to rise but Victor shook his head waved off the apology.  Pulling him to stay close. “H-how do you feel?”

 

Victor considered his answer then responded, “Like hell.”

 

The two men laughed through their tears, Yakov kissing the hand of his little skater, the boy he raised to a man.  “I guess...that should be expected.”

 

Victor settled himself, then blue eyes opened in terror.  “Is everyone else…”

 

Yakov shook his head, shushing Victor’s worries, “We’re all fine.  Everyone is safe.”

 

That settled Victor a little, but the blue eyes narrowed, “And...Mikhail?”

 

Yakov looked into the hallway, seeing the skater on the phone.  “Yuuri said something about stepping outside to talk to his chief guard.”

 

Victor nodded, murmuring the name “Akio” in response.

 

“He asked me to stay with you until he returned,” Yakov continued.  He reached out to smooth the silver hair, large fingers brushing down Victor’s cheek with a father’s tenderness.  “I’ll call Lilia once he returns and let her know you pulled through. Little Yuri is beside himself.”

 

Victor smiled at the thought of Yura dealing with emotions.  “Meaning he’s pissed off and punching walls,” Victor surmised.

 

Yakov chuckled.  “That about sums it up.  He really looks at you like a big brother.”

 

Victor let a soft smile touch his lips.  “We’re an odd, makeshift family but I wouldn’t trade the world for you.”  His eyelids seemed so heavy and he felt them flutter shut. He could hear the noises around him but it was like it came through a filter.  The oversized, meaty hand of his guardian held onto his. Then it was replaced by a smaller hand. He forced his eyes open and met with Yuuri’s.  “What...do you know?”

 

“He’s been apprehended.”  Yuuri tried to keep the annoyance from his voice.  It was good that Volkov was in custody, it was just too bad it wasn’t Lilia’s or Sofu’s.  “There is a legal process…”

 

“Does Lilia know?”

 

Yuuri knew what Victor was asking, somehow that bird like woman carried more power than most men three times her size.  “Akio reported to Sofu and I’m sure he’s updating Lilia as the information has come to light.”

 

Victor took in a shaky breath, “I just...need to know he’ll never get to us again.”

 

Yuuri straightened a sheet over Victor, “Give it time…”

 

Victor nodded, his eyes heavy again.  When they fluttered open once again, the room was shadowed with the only light coming from the window.  A raven head rested beside him, Yuuri’s hand still holding his even as he slept in such a poor position.  Victor reached his other hand down and carded through the locks. Brown eyes lifted wearily to look up at him.  “Why don’t you lie down beside me?”

 

Yuuri stammered through his exhaustion, “I don’t think…”

 

“Yuuri, just do it,” Victor ordered in exasperation as he moved over.  “Besides, this room is cold and you’re always so warm.” He felt the familiar form stretch out behind him, an arm wrapping around his middle.  Closing his eyes, he slept once more.

 

* * *

  
  


Three days passed by and little came in the way of updates on Volkov’s status.  Victor, on the other hand, was determined to recover enough to be approved for travel.  He pestered the nurses, therapists, anyone that would come through the room about removing wires, tubes, getting him up and walking became his top priority.  Yuuri promised him they’d go to Japan, and was damned if he were to miss a single day of that trip. He needed his Mama Hiroko. So with that goal in mind, he listened to the doctors and followed the orders relayed through the nurses and finally received his release.

 

Yakov promised to send their things from Moscow as he saw them off at the airport.  The private plane allowed Victor to lie down, his head resting in Yuuri’s lap. It was only five hours.  His boyfriend held the papers with the doctor’s recommendations for his continued recovery. Sofu had already arranged for the family physician to come by the inn after they arrived and settled in.

 

As the plane reached cruising altitude Victor stirred from his sleep.  “Makkachin,” Victor cried out as he sat up.

 

Yuuri soothed him, his fingers tangling into his hair as he promised, “We’ll get her as well.  I’ll send some of the men to get our things.”

 

Lying back down, Victor felt himself succumbing to the medications he was given.  “Send Kimiko. She likes Kimiko best.”

 

“I will...don’t worry,” Yuuri assured him with a tender smile.

 

* * *

  
  


At the onsen, Hiroko fussed and cooed over Victor.  Mari’s expression reflected the anger that warred within Yuuri.  She indicated the back garden and Yuuri followed her as Victor indulged in the attention from his Mama.  Once out of earshot he asked, “What do we know?”

 

“Extradition is being argued over between Russia and China.  The Chinese are claiming jurisdiction because the attempt on Victor’s life took place in China.  Russia, demands he be handed over as the crime was against a Russian citizen perpetrated by a Russian citizen.  I wouldn’t be surprised if Lilia didn’t make a move to shut them both up.”

 

Yuuri grimaced, not wanting to know what Lilia was planning.  “She’s itching to get her hands on him.”

 

Mari nodded.  “We all are, but Sofu promised she’d get him in the end.”

 

Yuuri shuddered.  As much as this man deserved the death that awaited him, it still unsettled him to think of it.  “I...just want him to be safe and to no longer be afraid.”

 

His sister’s expression softened.  “I want that, too. We all want that, Yuuri, and we’re working towards it in our different ways..”

 

Later that night, a news notification came through.  A Russian citizen apparently committed suicide in the prison where he was being held pending extradition.  He was identified as the man who shot figure skater Victor Nikiforov. The prisoner, Mikhail Volkov, in China illegally and under a false name, was pronounced dead on sight.  His remains were being sent to St. Petersburg at the behest of the head an associated family, his own family forgoing any further contact.

 

As Victor laid his phone down, he looked up at Yuuri and asked, “Is it really over?”

 

Yuuri nodded.  “I wouldn’t be surprised if it was Lilia who sent for the body.  She’ll want to visually verify the kill.”

 

“It said he committed suicide,” Victor protested.

 

Yuuri sighed holding him close.  “So it did.”

 

* * *

  
  
  


**Japan Nationals, Nagano, Japan – 12/24-27/2010.**

 

Yuuri guided Victor into the hotel room he would share with the man.  His recovery was going well, and Victor was determined to join him for Yuuri’s national competition.  “As long as we both skate competitively, this may be my only birthday I get to spend with you.”

 

“I just don’t want you to over exert yourself,” Yuuri argued.

 

Victor huffed.  “How often am I going to actually get to see you at  _ your  _ Nationals?”

 

“I can pull the last five years up in my phone,” Yuuri declared, his eyes sparkling with mirth.  Undeterred, Victor swatted at him but the hand landed on Yuuri’s chest and the Japanese man was quick to pull Victor in close and Victor leaned into the hug.  Yuuri was fine with that. He wanted the younger man near.

 

During the short program, Victor remained close as Yuuri encouraged his juniors, interacting with the next generation of skaters who would take the ice after he retired.  As they went away autographs in hand, Victor leaned in and whispered, “It’s weird not having so many bodyguards. People can finally approach us.”

 

Yuuri smiled glancing over to make eye contact to four men that joined them.   _ It is nice. _

 

Back in their room, Victor squealed in delight at the dinner Yuuri arranged sneaking in candles.  A  [ cake ](http://akmas.info/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/easy-birthday-cakes-for-mom-cake-decorated-with-chocolate-covered-strawberries-google-search.jpg) sat off to the side decadent with strawberries and chocolate.  Behind it, a beautifully wrapped gift waited for Victor to open it.

 

Yuuri pulled out the chair for Victor seating his lover and moving to his own chair.  As he settled in, he reached for the box and couldn’t help the smile as Victor began to bounce up and down in his chair in excitement, hands clapping together.

 

The box laid in front of him, Victor’s eyes ran over the packaging, the shiny bronze and gold wrapping with a satin bronzy brown ribbon...masculine and not at the same time.  Like Victor. He took the tail of the bow and tugged at it slowly until the ribbon fell away. He let the silk of it slip through his fingers, feeling the smooth texture, then wrapped it loosely over his shoulders, flipping as a scarf and eyeing Yuuri with a wicked grin.  Victor opened a present like savoring chocolate, slowly, enjoying the reveal. He carefully worked the tape loose and folded the paper back, appreciating the quality. He remembered how his mother would fold wrapping paper and reuse it for another gift. The ribbons she collected would end up reused as trimming for a dress or in her hair.  He folded the fabric lovingly as he considered that as well. Yuuri waited patiently, eyes watching him.

 

Victor lifted the lid from the box, his eyes falling upon the the silver toned bunny wearing a blue velvet suit with a pink flower tucked into the buttonhole.  Beneath the jacket, the bunny sported a striped waistcoat. His heart shaped smile beamed. As Victor reached in for the rabbit, his hand brushed over a small velvet jewelry box.  He looked up at Yuuri, his eyes brimming with tears.

 

“What did you do?” he asked, his voice quivering as he settled the bear in his lap.  He carefully opened the box and his breath gasped.

 

“I wanted something elegant like you,” Yuuri began as he moved to one knee in front of Victor, taking his hand in one hand.  “Nothing seemed quite right. Then I realized I just needed the band...because you are already my diamond.” He took the gold ring from its velvet setting in the box Victor held and slid it in place.

 

Victor’s breath hitched and he jumped off the chair into Yuuri’s lap, knocking Yuuri onto his backside.  Victor wrapped his arms around the man’s neck, kissing him excitedly.

 

As Yuuri caught his breath, laughing between kisses, he said, “You haven’t even let me ask you yet.”

 

Pale fingers carded into the raven hair, Victor moved to straddle Yuuri’s lap.  “Oh my god, Yuuri! We’ve been basically engaged from the start. We both knew where this was heading.”

 

Yuuri smirked.   _ Well, he was right _ .  Still, he leaned in and kissed Victor’s forehead, then nose, then lips, just lightly brushing them together and murmured, “So, will you marry me?”

 

Victor threw his arms around Yuuri and the older man fell back laughing.  “Dammit Yuuri, of course I’ll marry you.”

 

Yuuri wrapped him up in his arms and they rested on the floor trading kisses back and forth.  Finally, Yuuri cleared his throat and pointed out, “I do believe we have a birthday dinner to enjoy.”

 

Victor blinked then gasped.  With a giggle, he added, “I forgot.”

 

Climbing back up, Yuuri checked the hotplate and then lifted the tray of veggies and tray of thin sliced veggies from the cold storage.  “I was thinking  [ shabu shabu ](https://d1cv1pewbvxxsf.cloudfront.net/uploads/Article/3006/thumbnails/sm_file_0edbc294-ddfa-4da0-947a-c79ec23d78e2.jpg) .”

 

Victor clapped his hands once more excitedly.  “I love hot pot!”

 

Yuuri laughed and said, “I know.”

 

After dinner, they took turns feeding one another chocolate covered strawberries.  Then Yuuri helped Victor bathe in a shallower bath than he’d like. The stitches still hadn’t come out and Yuuri was determined that they follow all of the doctor’s orders to a tee.  “I’ll be glad when I can take a real bath,” he pouted.

 

Yuuri laughed warmly.  “Then quit thinking you can stop bullets like Superman.”

 

Victor looked up at him with soft eyes.  “I’d do it again,” he whispered. “Always...for you.”

 

Yuuri leaned into the bath and kissed him before murmuring, “I never want that.  My life without you has no meaning.”

 

Victor smiled into the kiss, feeling Yuuri’s arms working the sponge down his legs.  “I’ll try not to stop it with any vital organs.”

 

Yuuri raised an eyebrow before pointing out, “It lodged somehow between your lungs and heart.”  The nearness of the bullet to the organs, the reality of death were all too close for Yuuri to treat lightly.

 

Victor shrugged, he touches at the wound, practically healed but still tender.  “I love you...I just reacted.”

 

Yuuri watched the silver fingers dance around the scar, he knew it would fade over time.  “My own heart nearly stopped when I realized what happened. Hopefully we can put that behind us.”

 

Victor reached for Yuuri to help him out before winking and adding, “I’m fresh out of crazy exes.  So we should be good.”

 

Yuuri stretched out next to Victor in bed, his lover holding the new bunny.  “We now have a Mr. Knightly. So many dashing bunnies for my collection.”

 

“Not near as dashing as the man who owns them,” Yuuri murmured smiling into the kiss he gave Victor.

 

Victor pulled back, his hand sliding over Yuuri’s cheek.  “Nor the man who gave them.”

 

* * *

  
  
  


[ **June 2011, Hasetsu, Japan.** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8HRaiRltBQ0)

 

[ Victor ](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/7b/eb/c5/7bebc563a3ea755cbff9e47b5fd085ad.jpg) stood on the beach in a warm light gray suit and a coral bow tie.  His silver hair was crowned with a wreath of coral roses and navy blue rosebuds.   [ Yuuri ](https://i.pinimg.com/236x/58/6c/53/586c53ad40d6245062ee4f3dd72afe65--navy-blue-suit-blue-ties.jpg) faced him wearing a matching suit with a dark blue necktie and pocket square.  Pinned to his lapel was a coral rosebud boutonniere. Yuuri remembered the day Victor described their wedding day, telling Yuuri about being a bride, being elegant in a suit.  It had seemed so far away at that time, Victor had so much recovery, but a year later, they faced each other on the sand surrounded by family and close friends. And Victor was right, of course, he was very elegant in a suit.

 

Yuuri held his lover’s hands, tears already trekking down his cheeks.  Victor’s blush added to his bridal appearance. Yuuri lifted the younger man’s fingers, kissing each hand.  He heard the sniff, watched those silver lashes as his eyes blinked rapidly. “Dammit, Yuuri...if my mascara runs...”

 

“Phichit did your makeup.  It won’t run,” Yuuri reassured him, his voice tender, his smile soft as he smoothed away Victor’s tears before taking his hand back.

 

The official indulgently guided them through the ceremony, Yuuri faltering through his vows causing Victor to sob through his and somewhere in the middle as he wiped away tears, another “dammit Yuuri” was heard, the guests chuckling in response.

 

And then they were married, the guests surrounding them, giving hugs and shouts of congratulations.  The wedding party paraded laughing up to the waiting cars where they were driven to the reception location.  The grooms held back, letting their friends leave before them and taking a moment to themselves on the beach as the sun began to set.

 

Victor leaned his head against Yuuri’s shoulder.  “This feels like a moment hard won,” he murmured.

 

“I don’t think I’ve ever fought so hard for something I wanted so much,” he answered, turning long enough to brush a kiss into Victor’s silver hair.

 

Victor looked out across the sea at the sun casting colors across the horizon.  “I still have nightmares,” the younger man confessed, he hated to bring that... _ him _ into their day, but they were endlessly honest with each other.

 

Yuuri squeezed him close and answered, “I know...so do I.  Sometimes I’m afraid to wake up, afraid to open my eyes and learn that I lost you that day...or one of the many times before.”

 

Victor’s arms pulled at Yuuri, nuzzling into his chest further.  “But we’re here...this is real...we’re...married.”

 

Yuuri turned Victor in his arms, the orange glow reflected beautifully against Victor’s skin, and leaned in for a kiss.  As they parted, Yuuri pressed their foreheads together and murmured, “That’s for us.” Taking Victor’s hand, they walked to the waiting white limo driven by Akio, their personal guard through the wedding and honeymoon.  They couldn’t imagine anyone else.

 

The reception was held in the ballet studio, soft twinkle lights hung around the room, small tables on one side.  With all of the barriers rolled back, the room was quite large. Hiroko bustled around making sure the food was just right because no one else was good enough to cater her sons’ wedding.

 

Yuuri leaned in as he pointed across the room.  “Is that Pavel talking with Ketty?” Victor met the music and math major during their spring semester as she helped him with the composition for his next program.

 

“They are adorable together!” Victor declared.  Victor then nodded towards Mari who received a glass of champagne from Akio as they talked intimately together.  “Do you think they are ever going to come out with their relationship?”

 

“Maybe...I think Mari is scared of commitment...she’s too entrenched in the business and doesn’t want her partner harmed.”

 

“So she dates the chief bodyguard,” Victor deadpanned.

 

“I didn’t say it made sense,” Yuuri defended.

 

* * *

  
  


As the clock struck midnight, the couple ran out of the reception, a rain of birdseed and bubbles in their wake, and climbed into the waiting limo.  They had a plane to catch to a private island maintained by Sofu. Some of the others followed in their own rides to see them off at the runway. Victor and Yuuri turned at the stairs up to the plane and waved at Phichit, Devryn, Chris, Lawrie, the Nishigoris, Pavel, and Ketty.

 

Victor leaned into Yuuri’s arms and murmured, “You are my fairytale.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So which was your favorite? All that Glitters or Glittering Youth?


End file.
